Dialogue
- Dear Lord baby Jesus...
- ...or as our brothers to the south call you, Jesus...
- ...we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino's, kfc...
- ...and the always delicious Taco Bell.
- I just want to take time to say thank you for my family...
- ...my two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons...
- ...Walker and Texas Ranger...
- ...or T.R., as we call him...
- ...and of course, my red-hot smoking wife, Carley...
- ...who is a stone-cold fox.
- Who if you were to rate her ass on 100, it would easily be a 94.
- Also wanna thank you for my best friend, Cal Naughton Jr...
- ...who's got my back no matter what.
- Shake and Bake.
- Dear Lord baby Jesus, we also thank you for my wife's father, Chip.
- We hope that you can use your baby Jesus powers...
- ...to heal him and his horrible leg.
- And it smells terrible and the dogs are always bothering with it.
- Dear tiny infant Jesus, we...
- Hey, you know, sweetie...
- ...Jesus did grow up.
- You don't always have to call him "baby."
- It's odd and off-putting to pray to a baby.
- Well, I like the Christmas Jesus best and I'm saying grace.
- When you say grace, say it to grownup Jesus, teenage Jesus...
- ...bearded Jesus, whoever you want.
- You know what I want?
- I want you to do this grace good, so that God will let us win tomorrow.
- Dear tiny Jesus...
- ...in your golden-fleece diapers, with your tiny, little, fat, balled-up fists...
- ...pawing at the air... - He was a man. He had a beard.
- Look, I like the baby version the best, do you hear me?
- I win the races and I get the money.
- Ricky, finish the damn grace.
- I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt...
- ...because it says, like, "I wanna be formal...
- - Right. ...but I'm here to party too."
- Because I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.
- I like to picture Jesus as a ninja fighting off evil samurai.
- I like to think of Jesus, like, with giant eagle's wings.
- And singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd...
- ...with, like, a angel band.
- And I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk.
- Hey, Cal? Why don't you just shut up?
- - Yes, ma'am. - Okay.
- Dear 8-pound, 6-ounce, newborn infant Jesus...
- ...don't even know a word yet...
- ...just a little infant and so cuddly, but still omnipotent...
- ...we just thank you for all the races I've won and the 21.2 million dollars...
- Love that money!
- - That I have accrued over this past season.
- Also, due to a binding endorsement contract...
- ...that stipulates I mention Powerade at each grace...
- ...I just wanna say that Powerade is delicious...
- ...and it cools you off on a hot summer day.
- And we look forward to Powerade's release of Mystic Mountain Blueberry.
- Thank you for all your power and your grace, dear baby God. Amen.
- - Amen. - Amen.
- Let's dig in!
- That was a hell of a grace, man. You nailed that like a split hog!
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