Out Cold

00:00:27Hey, everybody.
00:00:28Welcome to Bull Mountain...
00:00:31a slice of heaven...
00:00:32nestled in the cleavage of Alaska's high country.
00:00:36It all started when a young buck named Herbert Muntz...
00:00:39saw the promise of a new life...
00:00:42and staked his claim to it the old-fashioned way--
00:00:45he stole it from the Eskimos.
00:00:48'Round these parts, he became known as "Papa.''
00:00:51Each year, Papa would say thank you....
00:00:54by droppin' his britches....
00:00:55and blazing down that mountain bare-assed....
00:00:58in one of his famous "moon-shine" runs.
00:01:02Papa loved to ski...
00:01:04and Papa loved to drink...
00:01:06but most of all, Papa loved to ski and drink...
00:01:10at the same time.
00:01:13Last year, he died with his boots on...
00:01:17Bull Mountain, don't go changin'!
00:01:21And not much else.
00:01:24Nowadays, Papa's boy runs the mountain.
00:01:27But us locals still carry on the free-wheelin' spirit...
00:01:31of Papa's life.
00:01:33You could say that this mountain's a lot like a woman.
00:01:36Just when you think you know every inch of her...
00:01:39and you're about to dip your skis...
00:01:41into some soft, deep powder--
00:01:45You got two broke legs, cracked ribs...
00:01:48then you pay your twenty bucks...
00:01:50just to let her punch your lift ticket all over again.
00:04:18News flash.
00:04:20Muntz is selling the mountain.
00:04:22The entire mountain?
00:04:23Why would he want to get rid of this place?
00:04:25I like this place exactly the way it is.
00:04:28Maybe the buyer can supply...
00:04:29the mountain with what it really needs--
00:04:31hot friggin' chicks.
00:04:33Guys, you know, more girls?
00:04:36Let's give Lance a chance, all right?
00:04:37I gotta refuel the tanks.
00:04:42Jenny, what's going on?
00:04:43Jenny!
00:04:44What's up, guys?
00:04:46What, are you drinking without me?
00:04:50Hey, Lance.
00:04:51Hey, girlfriend. What you drinkin'?
00:04:53Whatever the lady would like, just put it on my tab.
00:04:58I will have a beer, then.
00:05:02And five shots of Goldschlager, please.
00:05:05Rick, you are an idiot not to go for Jenny...
00:05:07and don't give me this broken heart rigamarole.
00:05:14Are you sniffing me?
00:05:19There you go.
00:05:20Thank you.
00:05:23Man. If I was her...
00:05:26I'd be gettin' with every dude on this mountain.
00:05:28Hey, boys.
00:05:30You're killin' me!
00:05:33Cheers, everybody!
00:05:38People.
00:05:41And Pig Pen, my poor excuse for a brother.
00:05:45Our boy Rick here...
00:05:46has been bitching and moaning all week long...
00:05:49I have not.
00:05:50And I think it's time that we do something...
00:05:53to cheer him up. Don't you agree?
00:05:55Perhaps tonight is the night that we crown this year's...
00:06:00King of the Mountain.
00:06:02Did somebody just say...
00:06:03King of the Mountain?
00:06:12I know you want to defend your title.
00:06:16If I must.
00:06:19Good evening.
00:06:21You all know the rules of King of the Mountain.
00:06:24Rule number one--
00:06:25you do not talk about King of the Mountain.
00:06:29Rule number two-- there are no rules.
00:06:32What about rule number one?
00:06:34That's more of a guideline than a rule.
00:06:37Do not interrupt!
00:06:39And now, the three-peat champion of King of the Mountain...
00:06:43Rick Rambis. Richard?
00:06:47OK. Here's how it works.
00:06:49Everyone must have a beer.
00:06:53It's a race to the bottom.
00:06:54The first one to the statue of Papa Muntz...
00:06:56with the most beer in your glass--Pig Pen--
00:06:59shall be proclaimed this year's King of the Mountain.
00:07:03And, as an added bonus...
00:07:04you also win the contents of Eric's stolen wallet...
00:07:06which are, Luke?
00:07:08Two bucks...
00:07:09a condom...
00:07:11expiration date 1 997...
00:07:13and a picture of his grandma--no!
00:07:15That's Nancy Reagan.
00:07:17But most importantly...
00:07:19pushing, shoving, and cheating are encouraged.
00:07:23Try not to wipe out like you did last year...
00:07:26and the year before, and both years before that.
00:07:28Thanks, Luke, I really appreciate that.
00:07:30No problem.
00:07:31Pig Pen, if you would.
00:07:32Strap 'em in.
00:07:34On your marks, get set--
00:07:39Everybody ready?
00:07:42Go!
00:07:44-Suckers! -Cheater!
00:07:46Not tonight, Pig Pen!
00:07:59Go grand, Anthony!
00:08:02Don't wipe out.
00:08:06Here I come, baby!
00:08:23Damn!
00:08:28Coming through.
00:08:49Get away from my head!
00:08:54Stop!
00:09:04Hey, no fair!
00:09:07Nice!
00:09:13Shit!
00:09:25Ride 'em, cowboy!
00:09:30Go!
00:09:32Let's move it!
00:09:54Don't let him pass!
00:09:57We got him, Jenny!
00:10:00Go!
00:10:02Come on! We're gonna beat him!
00:10:11Where did he come from?
00:10:17His mug's empty.
00:10:19The beer!
00:10:21Beer? I got beer! I got it!
00:10:24Come on!
00:10:33If you haven't kissed up to the king, let me know.
00:10:36Goin' to drink, everybody!
00:10:38Actually, I have to turn in.
00:10:40I have to give Mr. Mays a snowboard lesson.
00:10:41I got fag practice in the morning, so I understand.
00:10:46Walk me home, Your Highness.
00:11:06Guys, stop!
00:11:09If you're planning on coming up...
00:11:12with some lame-ass excuse to get into my house...
00:11:14just so we can "hook up"...
00:11:16I might let you.
00:11:18Not that you're being...
00:11:20particularly charming or anything.
00:11:21I guess it's the moonlight and a bottle of Goldschlager...
00:11:24that just brings out the romance in a girl.
00:11:27Can I ask you something?
00:11:31You broke up with your boyfriend this summer, right?
00:11:37Are we about to have another conversation...
00:11:38about how you're still on the rebound?
00:11:40I guess not.
00:11:42Look, Rick, I feel for you, 'cause I've been through it...
00:11:44but it's time to move on.
00:11:47The general rule of thumb is one week of mourning...
00:11:50for every six months you were together...
00:11:51so you were together, what, two weeks?
00:11:54Three weeks.
00:11:55OK. Three weeks. So, then that means--
00:11:58I get it. You're right. It's stupid.
00:12:02Yes, it is.
00:12:04So, you still want to hook up?
00:12:07You gotta try a lot harder than that, Rick.
00:12:11So, you still want to hook up?
00:12:15How's that?
00:12:17Good night.
00:12:18Good night.
00:12:22-See you tomorrow. -Later.
00:12:24Hey, listen.
00:12:25You better enjoy your reign as King now, because next year...
00:12:28I'm Queen of the Mountain, baby.
00:12:30We'll see about that.
00:12:32Passed out again.
00:12:33Fire!
00:12:37Well, boys, what's it gonna be tonight?
00:12:38We gonna shave his eyebrows?
00:12:40Passe. Done that, took pictures.
00:12:44I'm gonna need a bucket, a paint brush...
00:12:47and ten pounds of salt.
00:12:48Lance, get his pants.
00:12:52Where are you taking him? Come on!
00:12:54Try to hold up his fat ass.
00:12:56Look at him.
00:13:48Shoo!
00:13:50Get!
00:13:53Good boy--I mean, girl.
00:13:55Good girl.
00:13:58My ass is numb!
00:14:05Look alive, Eric.
00:14:20John Majors!
00:14:22Ted Muntz. It's so good to finally meet you in person.
00:14:25Welcome to Bull Mountain.
00:14:27The Eskimos around here have a saying--
00:14:34Slow down there, Nanook.
00:14:36You're gonna give yourself an aneurysm.
00:14:40Will you smell that, boys?
00:14:44Smells like money.
00:14:46This place has got some serious potential.
00:14:48I can see it now, huh? Can't you see it?
00:14:51Condominiums, eateries, shopping, wine bars, cigar bars.
00:14:55What the hell--bar bars!
00:14:58Yeah, we can totally sell this whole rustic bit.
00:15:01This is a diamond in the rough. That's good.
00:15:05Write that down for the brochure.
00:15:06No, wait. Better yet--
00:15:08"Black diamond in the rough."
00:15:09You know? Sort of a ski thing.
00:15:11I'm Eric Montclair.
00:15:14Well, who asked you?
00:15:16Just kidding, Short Stack.
00:15:19So it's some mountain, huh?
00:15:20Yeah, but the name "Bull Mountain"--
00:15:22it's a little too...
00:15:26shitty.
00:15:28You want to rename the mountain?
00:15:31Yeah. Something good.
00:15:33I'm gonna have to polish this turd...
00:15:34if I want to sell my investors on it.
00:15:36I mean, your hotel looks like a Motel 6...
00:15:38ate a yard sale and barfed it out.
00:15:40Muntz, there's some really pissed off Eskimos...
00:15:42outside right now, man. They say they want their land back.
00:15:44Very funny, Rambis.
00:15:46Mr. Majors, this is Rick Rambis--
00:15:48one of our low to mid-level employees.
00:15:50You must be the big hotshot who's gonna buy the mountain.
00:15:52John Majors of Major Resorts.
00:15:53Rick Rambis of Rick Rambis.
00:15:57You any good on that board there, son?
00:15:59I'm all right.
00:16:01You wouldn't mind playing tour guide...
00:16:02to an old fart like me, would you?
00:16:04Actually, Rick's got a pretty heavy workload tomorrow...
00:16:07but I would be delighted to show you around the mountain.
00:16:10No offense, Short Stack, but you give me the creeps.
00:16:12I think Rick here'll do just fine.
00:16:13You don't mind, do you Rick?
00:16:15No problem.
00:16:16Good. First thing in the morning.
00:16:18I'll take a Geritol so I can keep up.
00:16:21Chop chop with them bags there.
00:16:23So, what does this mean, selling the mountain?
00:16:25I don't know. Maybe this guy will be cool.
00:16:27Maybe he'll help us build a lift up to Hangman's Peak.
00:16:30Can you get an STD from a polar bear?
00:16:32What is your brother doing?
00:16:45What do we got, Whitey?
00:16:47Solid Gold Dancers trapped on Beaver Mountain.
00:16:49Somebody help us!
00:16:51Looks pretty hairy, sir.
00:16:52Just the way I like it!
00:16:55Lock 'em and load 'em, boys!
00:17:02I'm goin' in!
00:17:19What are we gonna do?
00:17:58Please, the whole cabin is freezing!
00:18:01We're saved!
00:18:05Good morning, ladies. The name's Pen.
00:18:13A suit.
00:18:15I need everybody to be calm and take your tops off.
00:18:20And tie them together.
00:18:22Now! Move! I don't have time to discuss this!
00:18:28Wicked!
00:18:30You. Grab me around my waist.
00:18:33Lower. Nice.
00:18:35You, get the door!
00:18:37The door's stuck!
00:18:39Just jiggle it!
00:18:43It's gonna be OK, ladies. Jiggle more!
00:18:50You have to jiggle the handle.
00:18:53Jiggle it.
00:18:58Open the door, Pig Pen!
00:18:59Come on, man.
00:19:01Jiggle it.
00:19:02Open the door!
00:19:07I'm coming!
00:19:09He's had a crush on that bench for a long time.
00:19:17Did you enjoy your nap?
00:19:31So, Rick, did you hit it last night or what?
00:19:34No, man, we just talked.
00:19:38God. You know, maybe...
00:19:41we should clarify something.
00:19:43When you won the race last night...
00:19:45that made you King of the Mountain.
00:19:47Not King of the No-ball Pussy Losers.
00:19:50They already have their own king--
00:19:51my brother.
00:19:53What?
00:19:54Are you still hung up on Anna?
00:19:57Here's what I don't get, all right, is...
00:20:00you met this chick...
00:20:02and you got freaky-deaky with her...
00:20:04and then, poof! She disappears.
00:20:06How's there a problem with that?
00:20:09Pig Pen, when I want advice...
00:20:11about a good "Planet of the Apes" film...
00:20:12or maybe how to get the resin...
00:20:15out of my bong, I'll come to you, OK?
00:20:17But I am not gonna take romantic advice from somebody...
00:20:20who cannot spell romantic or advice.
00:20:23Or bong.
00:20:25Listen, man, I just want to hear the story, that's all.
00:20:27I mean, you've never even told me it...
00:20:30not even once.
00:20:31If I tell you, will you promise to shut up about it?
00:20:37I met her at the most beautiful romantic place on earth...
00:20:43Cancun, Mexico.
00:20:45There was this little cantina called Pedro O'Horny's.
00:20:48Me and Luke, see, we had just shown up...
00:20:50and then I saw her.
00:20:55From the moment we caught eyes...
00:20:57I knew she wasn't like the other girls there.
00:21:00She was French.
00:21:02She had her top on.
00:21:04Plus, she wasn't puking.
00:21:06Drink!
00:21:19We spent every day together for three weeks.
00:21:22It was like heaven...
00:21:23but you couldn't drink the water.
00:21:26And then, one day, she asked me...
00:21:27to go on one of them tandem bike rides...
00:21:30but she never showed up.
00:21:36I never saw Anna again.
00:21:39Who?
00:21:40God!
00:21:42Chicken!
00:21:44Guys, a little sensitivity here!
00:21:47God! Can't you see this is a dejected man?
00:21:51Well, Rick, get your dejected head out of your ass.
00:21:54Papa Muntz wanted you to run this mountain.
00:21:58Carpe the diem!
00:22:00Seize the...carp!
00:22:05What?
00:22:10Make sure you bundle up because it's freezing out there, OK?
00:22:13Hey, Toby.
00:22:15Let me check your boot.
00:22:17You're good now.
00:22:18-Thanks, Jenny. -You're welcome.
00:22:20Hey, Jenny, you think you could tie up my boots?
00:22:23Stewart, I think you can do up your own boots.
00:22:25I kind of like the way you do it.
00:22:28OK. How about I do up one, and you do the other.
00:22:30Cool.
00:22:33The rabbit and the loops...
00:22:36I can do it without the song, you know.
00:22:38I kind of like the song, Stewart.
00:22:39-What's up, Rick? -What's up, dude?
00:22:42Get out of here. You're welcome.
00:22:44You're pretty good with these kids, Jenny.
00:22:48I seem to have a thing for immature boys.
00:22:51Ouch!
00:22:52At least Stewart has his act together enough to ask me out.
00:22:55I think we're checking out a movie...
00:22:57right after his nap time.
00:22:59That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
00:23:01Would you...
00:23:04Would I...
00:23:05Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?
00:23:10I'm sorry.
00:23:12It sounded like you were asking me out on a date.
00:23:14We could meet at the inn.
00:23:16Say, 8:00?
00:23:18Right now I have to go seize the carp.
00:23:19-Wish me luck. -I'll see you there.
00:23:24Morning, Mr. Majors.
00:23:26Please.
00:23:28My daddy was Mr. Majors. Actually, he was Mr. Mankowicz.
00:23:32Just call me "John."
00:23:33OK, John. Well, where do you want to start?
00:23:36Most people can't do the whole mountain in one day.
00:23:38Well, I ain't most people.
00:23:40You try and keep up there, hotshot.
00:23:58You ever been on one of those lesbian chat rooms?
00:24:02-Are they good? -I don't know.
00:24:06You see that up there?
00:24:08That's Hangman's Peak.
00:24:09Damn. You ski that?
00:24:10Yeah. It's a hustle, but, as you can tell...
00:24:14it's almost impossible to hike.
00:24:15I think that if we put a lift to the top...
00:24:17it would be the most popular snowboard park...
00:24:18in the entire country.
00:24:20You know, Rick, what I'll do-- I'll think on that.
00:24:22'Cause I like your style...
00:24:24and I might need a little help.
00:24:26Yeah? What for?
00:24:28Well, my investors, they're coming...
00:24:29to check this place out, and, well, they spook easily.
00:24:33If this deal's gonna go through...
00:24:35this whole town's gonna have to play ball.
00:24:37I don't think Muntz has the pull around here...
00:24:39to do that, but...
00:24:42you do.
00:24:44Can you hear me?
00:24:46OK. As most of you have heard, by next week...
00:24:51Bull Mountain will have new management.
00:24:54I'm selling it...
00:24:55for lots and lots of American dollars...
00:24:58to your future boss Mr. John Majors.
00:25:04Thank you.
00:25:06Thank you and good morning.
00:25:09I can't tell you how happy and excited...
00:25:11I am to be here today.
00:25:13Now, I know we're all gonna be homies...
00:25:16but I do believe in the golden rule...
00:25:18and that is, he who has the gold card makes the rules.
00:25:24Pipe down, retard.
00:25:25And to publicize my purchase of the mountain...
00:25:28I've invited my board members--
00:25:29that's the board of directors and my investors--
00:25:31here for the anniversary festival.
00:25:33As my employees, you're expected to behave...
00:25:36in a manner consistent with a world-class resort.
00:25:38Any questions you might have...
00:25:40will be answered in your new rule book...
00:25:43which numbnuts here is gonna pass out.
00:25:45I think that's you.
00:25:48And I have a super-duper surprise for all of you--
00:25:52a brand-new, streamlined...
00:25:54top of the line, high-performance uniform!
00:25:57Don't sweat having to pay for 'em.
00:25:59We'll just deduct the cost from your first paycheck.
00:26:01Welcome to the Major Resort family!
00:26:03There's no business like snow business!
00:26:07I told you. You look great.
00:26:09It doesn't really allow my dice to roll down there...
00:26:12and by dice, I mean testicles.
00:26:13Speaking of testicles, let me get a beer.
00:26:15The suits are not that bad, guys.
00:26:16Rick, these scuba outfits make us look ridiculous.
00:26:20Who does this Majors asshole think he is?
00:26:22I'm not gonna wear this unitard--period.
00:26:24Guys, I love Bull Mountain as much as anyone else...
00:26:27but a little change, it's not gonna hurt this place.
00:26:29I don't know, Rick. Why would we even want this place to change?
00:26:32We don't want it to turn into Aspen.
00:26:35But have you seen the women from Aspen?
00:26:37I--no.
00:26:38Other than the occasional girl...
00:26:40who comes here on the weekend trip...
00:26:41this place is a sausage factory.
00:26:43There are gonna be some hotties...
00:26:44some slammin' bods with pants so tight...
00:26:47it looks like they were painted on.
00:26:50Babe, I love chicks.
00:26:52Chicks love me, so it's all good.
00:26:54Calm down, Lance.
00:26:55Look, Muntz is gonna sell this mountain...
00:26:57and somebody's gonna buy it anyway.
00:26:58Do you have $1 00 million? I don't. You?
00:27:00No. We're not models.
00:27:04Guys, look.
00:27:05All I'm saying is that if we play ball...
00:27:07the mountain will still be ours.
00:27:09You foolish boys.
00:27:12This is how it all starts.
00:27:14I've seen it all before.
00:27:16I was there.
00:27:19Yeah. It was called the eighties.
00:27:22Ford was president, Nixon was in the White House...
00:27:25and FDR was runnin' this country into the ground.
00:27:29I was bummin' in a hole-in-the-wall town...
00:27:32in what is now called Utah.
00:27:34Some fella from Colorado shows up...
00:27:37starts makin' so-called improvements, right?
00:27:40Well, 'fore we knew what hit us...
00:27:41the streets are runnin' with latte.
00:27:43It got so bad that a fellow that liked to...
00:27:47you know, smoke a little grass...
00:27:50or drink a little ripple, crow like a rooster...
00:27:52maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentleman's duel...
00:27:55was uncouth, against God.
00:27:58More like bad real estate values.
00:28:01Stumpy had to go!
00:28:02Richard, be careful what you wish for.
00:28:06You got it, Stump.
00:28:08-I will. -All right?
00:28:10God!
00:28:11I'm good.
00:28:14Better put somethin' on that.
00:28:17Welcome to our local cantina. I like to stop in and have a...
00:28:22Stumpy's right. You can't let them do that to this place.
00:28:24Women or no women, we gotta stand on it...
00:28:27and I need to stop talking for a second.
00:28:43Hey, Rick, come on over here.
00:28:46No. You know what? You guys are right.
00:28:47This guy's really bad for business.
00:28:48I'm gonna go let him know.
00:28:53Rick, this is my stepdaughter Inga.
00:28:56Hello there.
00:28:57Rick, I'd like you and retard to show me the kitchen.
00:28:59Sweetheart, I got a little work to do.
00:29:01Buy yourself a drink at the bar.
00:29:03I won't be long.
00:29:05Nice place. When's his lease up?
00:29:07Whenever I say it is.
00:29:09Good.
00:29:11Hey, boys, look good in those uniforms.
00:29:33-Boys, watch confidence at work. -Be strong.
00:29:38God, here she comes.
00:29:47What my friend's trying to say is...
00:29:48welcome to the El Matador...
00:29:50which is Spanish for the matador.
00:29:52Want a drinkie-poo?
00:29:54I was wondering if you can make...
00:29:56a kind of drink. It's called...
00:29:59what is the word in English for this?
00:30:02Horny maker.
00:30:04One fuzzy navel for the lady.
00:30:09So you're, like, Majors's daughter?
00:30:12Schtepdaughter.
00:30:14I'm supposed to my schtrepsister be meeting here.
00:30:18One more fuzzy navel for the lady.
00:30:30My schtepsister.
00:30:32It's Anna.
00:30:35Oh, my God!
00:30:40-How are you? -I'm fine.
00:30:42It's been a long time.
00:30:44-What are you doing here? -I was having a beer.
00:30:46-In Alaska? -I like cold beer.
00:30:48Does that mean--is Rick around?
00:30:50No. You didn't hear?
00:30:52Rick perished in a dogsled accident.
00:30:58Four dogsled pileup.
00:30:59And it's awful. The dogs survived, though.
00:31:03You used to be a much better liar.
00:31:05Anna, I don't know why you're here, but leave him alone, OK?
00:31:12Play it once for old time's sake.
00:31:15-Play what once? -Well, the song.
00:31:18-Song! -Please, play it.
00:31:21OK. Well, I think I could play it once.
00:31:34-Oh, that's not it? -No, that's not it.
00:31:36Very nice, though. Please.
00:31:38I don't know if I know--
00:31:39You know what song I'm talking about. Please.
00:31:41All right.
00:31:44Please play it. Come on.
00:31:48He's gonna kill me.
00:31:51Thank you.
00:31:54Luke, I thought I told you to never play that...
00:32:00Song.
00:32:02Hey, Anna, you made it!
00:32:04Come here, kid. Give me a hug.
00:32:06Sweetheart, this is Muntz.
00:32:10-And this bright young man is-- -We've met.
00:32:17Majors is your father?
00:32:18Yes. He likes to think he's Napoleon...
00:32:21working his way across Europe.
00:32:23His first wife was English, my mother was French...
00:32:26and Inga's mother was Swiss.
00:32:28And I just hired a Russian girl trainer.
00:32:29Look out.
00:32:32Hey, girls, it's bedtime.
00:32:33We got a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Come on, Inga.
00:32:36Retard, walk me out.
00:32:40I didn't know you were here, Rick. I'm really sorry.
00:32:46I really have to go, but...
00:32:56Of all the bars in all the ski towns in Alaska...
00:33:00why'd she have to come to this one?
00:33:05Thanks.
00:33:09There you go, Jenny. Enjoy it.
00:33:35I don't think he's coming, Jenny.
00:33:48We'll put him in Rick's car.
00:33:51Got him, Lance?
00:33:53I got him, OK?
00:33:54This is gonna be rightly stupid.
00:34:02Get him in.
00:34:05I got it.
00:34:06-Come on! -You sure this is a good idea?
00:34:08It might give him a heart attack.
00:34:10As the inheritor of his estate...
00:34:12I take full legal responsibility.
00:34:14Come on! Get out of the way!
00:34:16OK, come on.
00:34:18One, two, three!
00:34:35OK, they're packed. Let's skedaddle.
00:34:37Spin him!
00:34:45One...two...three...
00:34:49Oh, my God!
00:34:51Oh, God! Please!
00:34:54I got it!
00:34:56We're stopping!
00:34:59Lord.
00:35:00Oh, my God!
00:35:02What's wrong with you?
00:35:04Oh, God. I'm sorry.
00:35:19-All right! -Beautiful!
00:35:24This is what you're gonna do to Bull Mountain?
00:35:26No. Snownook.
00:35:30That's the name my people say tests the best.
00:35:36Did I ever tell you how I invented snowboarding?
00:35:47That's a hot tub, Pig Pen.
00:35:49Wicked!
00:35:51Hey, there.
00:35:57I don't want credit for it, but they keep givin' it to me.
00:36:09She's gonna kill me.
00:36:13Hey, retard.
00:36:15There's gonna be a lot more changes goin' on here.
00:36:18Come on, boys! You're workin' on my time now.
00:36:28Wait!
00:36:29Hold up! I can explain it! I can explain everything.
00:36:32Relax. I stopped by the bar last night, and Pig Pen told me.
00:36:37Look, I'm really sorry about that.
00:36:40I will make it up to you any way that I can.
00:36:42You don't have to leave.
00:36:44Don't flatter yourself.
00:36:46I'm doing my laundry.
00:36:50So that means you're not mad at me?
00:36:54Yeah, I am.
00:36:56I'll get over it, though.
00:36:57Look, I really am sorry.
00:37:03Look, I don't do this pining thing well...
00:37:06so why don't you figure out what the hell it is you want...
00:37:09and let me know?
00:37:58Welcome, girlfriend.
00:39:53Buy you a beer?
00:39:56I'm good.
00:39:59Look, I'd like to apologize if you'll let me.
00:40:04There's things about me you don't know, Rick.
00:40:07Now, there's something I have to tell you, though.
00:40:09You know what? Hold that thought.
00:40:13I don't even care anymore.
00:40:15Cheers.
00:40:59Hey, you're dribbling! Watch the shoes!
00:41:01Sorry.
00:41:08I'm hot!
00:41:11-Want to see my piece? -What?
00:41:13See, I just started training for the biathalon.
00:41:15Where's Inga going?
00:41:18Don't you worry, little brother. I got your back on this one.
00:41:21I'm gonna do her.
00:41:24But how does that help me?
00:41:28Well, what do you know? Just the two of us!
00:41:42I got trained.
00:41:51Inga, I love you!
00:41:55Oh, my God!
00:41:56Are you hurt?
00:41:59Yeah, I think so.
00:42:01Anthony, is that you?
00:42:03Can you go get some ice from the bar?
00:42:06This is Alaska. You're sittin' on ice, little leprechaun.
00:42:09Yes. Go, Anthony.
00:42:11I will wait here with him.
00:42:13Damn him!
00:42:15Tell Inga where it hurts.
00:42:17Evevywhere.
00:42:39"Duck."
00:42:42Come in.
00:42:46Make yourself at home. Just don't hit me anymore in my nuts.
00:42:48Sorry. Oh, my God.
00:42:50This is good?
00:42:52Yes, this is very good.
00:42:54Tell me, where did you get these scars?
00:42:56Let's see.
00:42:58Skateboard...
00:43:00truck accident...
00:43:02and a fire hydrant.
00:43:04I bet each one has its own exciting story, no?
00:43:08No, not really.
00:43:10I skateboarded off a truck into a fire hydrant.
00:43:12I never met an American boy before.
00:43:15Are you all so wild?
00:43:19Yeah. We have a saying around here.
00:43:22No brains, no headache.
00:43:27We have a saying in Switzerland, too.
00:43:31No swimsuit...
00:43:34no tan lines.
00:43:39We have another saying around here.
00:43:41-What's that? -I don't know.
00:43:45I didn't mean to leave you like that in Mexico.
00:43:47I'm sorry. I just-- Believe me, I had to.
00:43:51Why? Some other guy come sweep you off your feet?
00:43:54You were the other guy.
00:43:56-I don't understand. -I'm engaged.
00:43:58I was engaged when I met you.
00:44:00And I love him, Rick. I really do.
00:44:02And when I met you... I don't know, I just...
00:44:06I fell in love with you, too, I guess.
00:44:09I didn't know what to do.
00:44:12Hey, it's no problem. Don't worry about it.
00:44:15I had ten other engaged chicks fall for me that week, too...
00:44:18so I barely even--which one were you, the brunette?
00:44:20Please, I wanted to say good-bye to you...
00:44:21and tell you everything...
00:44:23but when the time came to do it...
00:44:25I didn't think I'd be able to, so I left.
00:44:29And I really did fall for you.
00:44:31That's why I left.
00:44:36There, I said what I had to say, so I'm going now.
00:44:44Wait.
00:44:46Look, I'm sorry, too, OK?
00:44:49For being a prick.
00:44:52It's just that I was a little...bummed out.
00:44:55I deserved it. It's OK.
00:44:57You did.
00:44:59You want some coffee or something?
00:45:02That would be really nice.
00:45:08This making out is a lot of fun.
00:45:12But I'm ready--how do you say-- to schlafenzeit.
00:45:17Yeah. Schlafenzeit. Anything you say.
00:45:28No. What are you doing?
00:45:30Schlafenzeit. Sleepy time. I'm going to bed now.
00:45:34I'm sleepy.
00:45:36No, stay. We'll cuddle.
00:45:45Good night.
00:46:15So...your fiance...
00:46:20Barry. He's in medical school.
00:46:23He's flying up in a couple of days to see me.
00:46:25That's gonna be a little tricky unless he's a pilot, too.
00:46:30He's a pilot, too? He's a doctor and a pilot?
00:46:34I think I want to have sex with this guy.
00:46:39I have to go now.
00:46:41Let me show you out.
00:46:47I just--I want you to know that I am happy for you.
00:46:53And...this Barry guy is lucky.
00:46:59Thank you.
00:47:01Good night.
00:47:12Go.
00:47:44Oh, my God.
00:47:47You need help don't you?
00:47:50Just a sec.
00:47:57How's the hot tub, Luke?
00:47:59You know, the Eskimo have nine words...
00:48:01for a hell mooch stuck in a hot tub.
00:48:05Hell, they only got eight words for snow.
00:48:10There we go.
00:48:22Yeah, physics, really.
00:48:24Expansion and contraction.
00:48:27All right.
00:48:30Right here.
00:48:31One.
00:48:33Two.
00:48:34Three!
00:48:44Was it worth it?
00:48:50Rough night?
00:48:51I've had worse.
00:48:54Thanks.
00:49:02Anna's getting married.
00:49:04To some rich asswipe doctor dude named Barry.
00:49:08He's coming in day after tomorrow.
00:49:10-Ouch! -Thanks, man.
00:49:11No. I got molested by a hot tub last night.
00:49:14It's a long story.
00:49:17You know what I really hate about this chick...
00:49:19is that I think--I know that I'm in love with her.
00:49:22And...it sucks.
00:49:24-Have you told her this? -No, not really.
00:49:27Well, listen, you've got to do it before it's too late.
00:49:31Before she becomes Mrs. Doctor Asswipe.
00:49:35Otherwise, you're gonna regret it your whole life.
00:49:37"No regrets." That's my motto.
00:49:40That and "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight."
00:49:43You know what? You're right.
00:49:47You're absolutely right.
00:49:50I'm not gonna let Anna get away again.
00:49:52When this Barry guy gets here, I'm gonna have to face him.
00:49:56And I'm gonna look at him and tell him...
00:49:58like a sensible mature adult...
00:49:59"Finders keepers, losers weepers, pal."
00:50:06I'll have to work on that one.
00:50:08And if he doesn't like it...
00:50:10we'll kick his ass.
00:50:12Definitely.
00:50:15Attention, all guests...
00:50:19Where's Jenny? I don't want to go!
00:50:22You're going back in line.
00:50:23Hey, fellas. Great day, isn't it?
00:50:28Man, who the hell are you?
00:50:29I'm the new Team Snownook patrol leader.
00:50:31"Keepin' it real while keepin' it safe."
00:50:34You on the roof, knock off the grab-ass.
00:50:37What the hell is going on here?
00:50:39Don't you eyeball me!
00:50:41Hey, Luke, why don't you mind your own beeswax...
00:50:45before my fist makes an appointment with your ass?
00:50:49Eric, you ever notice that you're always...
00:50:52talking about putting something up my ass?
00:50:54And that time, it wasn't even a threat.
00:50:56Technically, that was flirting.
00:51:02Wait a second.
00:51:06Where are you going with the bull?
00:51:09Talk to the horn!
00:51:12Where are you taking the bull?
00:51:13Listen, I've had it with these jackass employees of yours.
00:51:16This morning, there was a boy...
00:51:17with his little Elvis stuck in my hot tub.
00:51:19Now, how in the hell does that happen?
00:51:21Well, the jets can feel quite nice--
00:51:23Stop talking. Effective immediately...
00:51:25I'm taking some steps to clean this place up.
00:51:27Poured out a perfectly good beer.
00:51:31I love that smell.
00:51:33That's the smell of you all getting fired.
00:51:36What, fired?
00:51:39Welcome to your first random drug test.
00:51:41I'll need you to fill these cups.
00:51:43Go make tinkle, or it's your job.
00:51:45I don't have to write a test to tell you that I take drugs.
00:51:47Pig Pen, you go to the bathroom in the cup!
00:51:54Jeez. He's way too into this.
00:52:06Drink up, half-pint.
00:52:26I will have your ass!
00:52:28How you doing tonight?
00:52:29Thanks a lot.
00:52:31How you doin', ladies?
00:52:36Ladies.
00:52:38Private party tonight, guys.
00:52:40We're cool, man. We're regulars here.
00:52:41Just ask Lance.
00:52:43What part of "private party" did you miss?
00:52:51Hey, there, Rick. Nice monkey suit.
00:52:53I barely even recognize this place.
00:52:57-A little face lift. -Can I get a beer?
00:52:59Hey, Village Person, why don't you be a macho man...
00:53:02and cut me some limes?
00:53:24Hello, stranger.
00:53:26You clean up pretty nice, Rambis.
00:53:28Thank you. You look amazing.
00:53:31Thank you. Would you like to dance?
00:53:34Sure.
00:53:44You're not wearing underwear.
00:53:46You can't with this dress.
00:53:49Your excuse is better than mine.
00:53:51Sweetheart.
00:53:53I need to borrow Fred Astaire here for one hot minute.
00:53:56Dance with Tito there. He loves to boogie.
00:53:58-Hi, John! -Hi, boys.
00:53:59And then I just sneaked in, and...
00:54:09What did they do to the bar?
00:54:17How did you guys get in?
00:54:20The back door was unlocked.
00:54:22There's gonna be some big changes on the mountain...
00:54:24once I get in the driver's seat.
00:54:26But I wanted you to know that I want you to stay on...
00:54:30and to run the day-to-day operations...
00:54:32and be the new manager of Snownook.
00:54:35You serious?
00:54:36Of course I'm serious. Here's your contract.
00:54:38Take a gander.
00:54:40-That's a big number. -Not bad.
00:54:45But as the new manager...
00:54:48all my friends get to stay on board, right?
00:54:49You drive a hard bargain, son, but done deal.
00:54:52Thanks, John.
00:54:53Don't thank me. You deserve it.
00:54:56Welcome to the team, pard.
00:54:58You are good.
00:55:00You're messing with--
00:55:02I'm gonna take Kung Fu and kick your friggin' ass.
00:55:05We'll have the party at our place.
00:55:06We don't need their fancy-shmancy shit...
00:55:08and their blue ropes.
00:55:16What's up, man?
00:55:18What's going on here?
00:55:19If you ain't on the list...
00:55:20there's nothing I can do for you, buddy.
00:55:22Ladies, how you doing?
00:55:23-I'm good. -Mind if we join you?
00:55:25Not at all. Go on, have fun.
00:55:27I'm likin' that. Come on, man. Give me a break. What's up?
00:55:30Are you from around here?
00:55:32OK, then $40. All the locals in free. Come on.
00:55:49Let me get some of that.
00:56:00Cheers!
00:56:06Ladies, you're missing out.
00:56:10Say hello to the new manager... of the mountain.
00:56:14You straight?
00:56:17Come here!
00:56:19Hey, everybody!
00:56:21Cut the music off!
00:56:24Pig Pen, put her down!
00:56:27Our friend little Rick Rambis...
00:56:29is the new manager of the mountain, y'all!
00:56:34And you're all fired! Every one of you!
00:56:39Are you saying that I have to kiss your ass now?
00:56:41As long as you shave.
00:56:43-Shave what? -My ass!
00:56:44Hey, boss, I'm gonna call in sick tomorrow, OK?
00:56:51-Hey, congratulations, boss! -Thank you.
00:56:55Watch your hands, mister.
00:56:57I could sue you for sexual harassment now.
00:56:59I'm gonna get me some.
00:57:01Look, just because I'm your boss...
00:57:02doesn't mean things change between us, OK?
00:57:03Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
00:57:11She has a fiance, Rick.
00:57:13I know.
00:57:15Look, your personal life is none of my business...
00:57:18but I don't want to make a habit...
00:57:19out of being your little shoulder to cry on, OK?
00:57:21Look, I know. I was just--
00:57:23Yeah. Go. Get outta here.
00:57:37Can I talk to you?
00:57:46What I have to say isn't really gonna take that much time.
00:57:48I've been practicing.
00:57:50Anna, I love you.
00:57:52Rick, don't.
00:57:54Look, I'm not gonna lose you again.
00:57:56Not to Barry, not to anybody.
00:57:59I want to fight for you.
00:58:01And...I think that you should tell Barry...
00:58:05that things are over between you two.
00:58:19You're really not making my life easy, you know that?
00:58:24I'm not an easy guy.
00:58:28There you are! Come inside. You look so beautiful tonight...
00:58:32I wanted to see if you wanted to dance.
00:58:36Come on. Not you. Him in his white tuxedo.
01:00:16No, you didn't.
01:00:46Beautiful.
01:00:52Why, those dirty little bastards.
01:00:55I know it sucks...
01:00:57that they're ruining the town and everything...
01:00:58but this is the best vanilla latte...
01:01:03I have ever had in my entire life.
01:01:06You can actually taste the vanilla beans that these--
01:01:14I don't like the coffee.
01:01:15Rick, check it, the doctor is in!
01:01:19It's show time, baby, come on!
01:01:21So, you girls like Porsches?
01:01:24Later.
01:01:27Let's kick his ass!
01:01:28No, let's handle ourselves like adults.
01:01:30Be mature about this.
01:01:31Adults kick other adults' asses all the time.
01:01:41Rick, this is Barry.
01:01:43What's up, Rick? Hey, guys.
01:01:46Just give me a second here.
01:01:58I'm having second thoughts about kicking this guy's ass.
01:02:02God.
01:02:03First floor, Alaska.
01:02:07What's up, guys? It's great to finally meet you.
01:02:10Anna has told me a lot about you.
01:02:12Who's the jacuzzi Casanova?
01:02:14That's him right there!
01:02:17They call him that...
01:02:19'cause he had himself up in it, you know, lovin' it strong.
01:02:24-Thank you, Stumpy. -No problem!
01:02:26Take these twice a day...
01:02:28and you will be back at the plate in no time.
01:02:30Will these make it bigger?
01:02:32That'd be nice.
01:02:34So, are you, like, a crippled guy?
01:02:39No. I'm just a really lazy guy.
01:02:43It happened at the X Games a couple of years ago.
01:02:46Piled into a fence. Pretty messy.
01:02:48They show the clip on ESPN all the time.
01:02:50In the intro for "Sports Bloopers"?
01:02:54-You're that dude? -I'm that dude.
01:02:56It's a pleasure to meet you. I wipe out all the time.
01:02:59Ever since I was a little kid...
01:03:01I wanted to be either a doctor or a blooper...
01:03:03so it's basically win-win for me except now I can't feel my legs.
01:03:06Pig Pen, what are you doing?
01:03:09He doesn't feel that.
01:03:11So, anyway, what the hell does a guy gotta do...
01:03:13to get a drink in this town?
01:03:14Actually, I'll catch up to you guys later.
01:03:16I have to--nice to meet you.
01:03:19Used to be my bar, but they kind of took it away.
01:03:22They got wine, if you want wine.
01:03:24What?
01:03:39Staff room, right now, or so help me, I will get my--
01:03:43You don't even have to say it, Eric. I know.
01:03:45Come on. Let's move.
01:03:49Got a little surprise for you boys.
01:03:59Anthony, Luke, Pierre...
01:04:02Pierre? Your name's Pierre?
01:04:05Majors is really pissed.
01:04:07He thinks you're all totally incompetent.
01:04:09He's given me no choice. You're fired.
01:04:13Effective immediately. I'm sorry.
01:04:15I really am. I've nothing against you...
01:04:17but it's either this, or he won't buy the mountain.
01:04:21Muntz! How can you do this?
01:04:24I mean, this is all that we have.
01:04:27What's Pierre gonna do? He's very stupid.
01:04:30And you're gonna side with Majors...
01:04:31who calls you a retard to your face?
01:04:34We say stuff like that, too, but not to your face.
01:04:38And you know why? We're your friends.
01:04:41You guys brought this on yourselves.
01:04:43The hot tub, the drug test--
01:04:45you're disrupting the whole town.
01:04:47Now...you didn't help me out, and now I can't help you out.
01:04:55I'm sorry.
01:04:57Knock, knock.
01:05:00Hey there, Rick. Welcome to the winning team.
01:05:04Got you a little gift. I'll see you out there.
01:05:08Hey, thanks a lot.
01:05:14"Hey there, Rick. Welcome to the winning team.
01:05:17"Got you a little gift. I'll see you out there."
01:05:31Those bastards.
01:05:38We rule.
01:05:43I'm sorry, guys. My dad can be a jerk, I know...
01:05:46but it's not like you get to pick your parents.
01:06:00Needed burnin'.
01:06:02What are we gonna do now?
01:06:04I'm not good at anything else.
01:06:07Not that I was good at this, whatever this whole thing was...
01:06:10but at least it was familiar to me.
01:06:13I can fly you guys down to Anchorage if you want.
01:06:15You guys can get rides from there to wherever.
01:06:17Look, if worse comes to worse...
01:06:19we can always get jobs on an oil rig.
01:06:21Our uncle works on one in Nome, and we'd be great at that.
01:06:25Pig Pen, you're on fire.
01:06:30Guys on oil rigs get laid a lot, right?
01:06:33On their occasional break...
01:06:34from their 1 9-hour work day in the freezing sleet...
01:06:38yeah, they get laid all the time, Pig Pen.
01:06:39All right, I'm down.
01:06:41I'm in.
01:06:42We should go and say good-bye to Rick.
01:06:45He knows that we're leaving...
01:06:47then he's gonna throw it all away.
01:06:48So...we have to do the honorable thing...
01:06:51and steal a few street signs...
01:06:54and leave town with our tail between our legs.
01:06:56Oh, my God, guys.
01:07:00What's wrong with you?
01:07:02I don't know where to start.
01:07:05Ever since they took my bar away from me...
01:07:08I've been doing a lot of thinking.
01:07:10A lot of drinking and a lot of thinking.
01:07:13A lot of thinking about why I act the way I do.
01:07:17Why I feel the need to have countless sexual conquests...
01:07:21one after the other...
01:07:23and I think it's due to the fact that I'm...
01:07:27I don't know how to say this. I'm...
01:07:30Gay?
01:07:32What?
01:07:34Gay?
01:07:38Come on, guys!
01:07:39Mr. October batting for the other team?
01:07:42Lance, everybody knows. Nobody cares.
01:07:44It's OK. You know? I mean...
01:07:47if you weren't gay, you'd be a pretty weird guy.
01:07:53Really.
01:08:04Come on.
01:08:06I was just gonna say that I was adopted, but...
01:08:11since we're having this conversation...
01:08:20Hey, Rick, lookin' good. Money suits you.
01:08:23Thanks, Mr. Majors.
01:08:25Mr. Majors? What happened to John?
01:08:27After all, you're practically family now.
01:08:30And not that bogus Majors Resort "family"...
01:08:33that I tell the minimum wagers they're in, either.
01:08:36Where are all my friends?
01:08:37They're gone, Rick. Business 1 01.
01:08:40Listen, I was doing you a favor.
01:08:42See, those guys are just dead weight.
01:08:45Now you can run this place to your full potential.
01:08:47You'll make a boatload. Maybe you'll marry my daughter.
01:08:51I got work to do.
01:08:53Get that statue out of here!
01:08:55This thing weighs a ton!
01:08:57Who is this guy?
01:09:00What the...
01:09:04Bull Mountain! Don't go changin'!
01:09:09Get that sign straight, guys!
01:09:19I quit!
01:09:24That's a $300 hat, bitch!
01:09:28I can't believe I was so stupid!
01:09:31Rick! Jeez, I've been looking everywhere for you.
01:09:34Barry is flying the guys to Anchorage.
01:09:37-What do you mean? -They're leaving, Rick. Come on.
01:09:46I've always wanted to be a flight attendant.
01:09:49You showing a movie today?
01:09:51It's not "Alive," is it?
01:09:58You guys are just gonna leave?
01:10:00You can come with us if you want to.
01:10:04You're not gonna throw your life down the tubes...
01:10:05just 'cause we're incompetent.
01:10:07You were born to run this mountain.
01:10:08This is what you want to do. You're staying, period.
01:10:11I appreciate that, I really do, but I just quit.
01:10:14In that case, hop on.
01:10:17We got plenty of room for you if we throw out one of the kegs.
01:10:20You can't leave.
01:10:21Bull Mountain is not just our job, it's our home.
01:10:24Not really. You've seen what they've done to the place.
01:10:27We're not the locals anymore-- they are.
01:10:29Snownook's not our town, Rick.
01:10:31Bull Mountain, that was our town.
01:10:34Technically, it belonged to the Eskimos...
01:10:36but we stole it fair and square.
01:10:37They're right, Rick. Bull Mountain's gone.
01:10:40They even tore down the statue of Papa Muntz.
01:10:42What?
01:10:47You guys remember Papa Muntz's last toast...
01:10:51right before he died?
01:10:52No. Remind me.
01:10:54He held up his beer, he looked at the mountain that he loves...
01:10:57and he said, "Don't go changin'."
01:10:59His last words were from a Billy Joel song?
01:11:01"Don't go changin'."
01:11:02Bull Mountain is our home...
01:11:03and I say, let's do somethin' about it.
01:11:05It's our home!
01:11:07-Let's do somethin'! -It is our town!
01:11:11You got a plan?
01:11:14I'm in.
01:11:16-Me, too. -Same here.
01:11:17Let's do it.
01:11:19-Let's do it. Come on. -Unpack your bags.
01:11:21I'm down, but if we're stayin'...
01:11:23I've got some unfinished business to take care of!
01:11:47I've never been a man of words...
01:11:51but there's something that I have to say to you.
01:11:55Inga, I've loved you from the first time that I saw you...
01:12:00and I love you more than any man's ever loved a woman...
01:12:04that he's never actually spoken to.
01:12:09I'm only gonna offer this once.
01:12:12Inga, will you...
01:12:16have sex with me?
01:12:24Nothing would piss off my schtepfather more.
01:12:29Let's do this.
01:12:33All right, guys, you know what to do.
01:12:35It's time to destroy this little celebration!
01:12:49Let's go. Come on, guys. All right.
01:12:55Anthony, come on. What are you doing?
01:12:57What?
01:12:58It's time to get back on that board, man.
01:13:06Welcome, friends and investors.
01:13:09We may be 1 0,000 feet above sea level...
01:13:12but this is the ground floor you're gettin' in on today.
01:13:15The ground floor of a dream.
01:13:18Now, with my signature and your money...
01:13:20we can make this dream come true.
01:13:22Yes, sir. The future is ours.
01:13:25Just one beautiful...
01:13:27state-of-the-art gondola ride away. Hit it!
01:13:41I thought I fired your ass!
01:13:45Inga, get your clothes on!
01:13:49You're just like your mother.
01:13:52Guys, if this is gonna be it, let's make it count.
01:13:57Stay low, don't hit any kids, and most of all...
01:14:00-don't sit down. -Why not?
01:14:02'Cause we're doin' this Papa Muntz style, baby.
01:14:04Get' em off!
01:14:07Come on, get 'em off!
01:14:09Luke, if you would do the honors, please.
01:14:11Everybody, pants at half-mast.
01:14:18Let's put Papa Muntz back where he belongs.
01:14:19All right, then. One...two...three!
01:14:26Four...
01:14:28five...
01:14:30Sorry about that, folks.
01:14:33I assure you everything's completely under control.
01:14:37Everything's just fine!
01:14:39Duck!
01:14:42What the hell is Captain Cripple doing here?
01:14:45What?
01:14:50Honey--
01:14:51Lock her in the Humvee till he's gone.
01:14:53Nineteen.
01:14:54Twenty.
01:14:56Come on, baby. Twenty-one.
01:14:58Don't touch me!
01:14:59You better learn some manners, little lady.
01:15:01Get in!
01:15:04-So, what's up? -Guard duty.
01:15:06Nice!
01:15:20Everything is fine!
01:15:36Hey, man, don't fret!
01:15:42Afternoon, everybody.
01:15:45Rick, you ungrateful jerk!
01:15:51Get out of my way!
01:15:58Stop! Thief!
01:16:00Hey, stop those guys!
01:16:01Get those guys out of here! Bunch of losers!
01:16:10What the hell's he doin' up there?
01:16:12Wait!
01:16:22Shit!
01:16:26How's that for irony?
01:16:32Come on!
01:16:39I'm your father.
01:16:41OK. Whatever.
01:16:43Go! Get out of here!
01:16:49All right. At my signal...
01:16:52unleash hell.
01:16:55Wait! Don't leave!
01:16:57So there's a few bad apples!
01:16:59So my daughter's a whore! This is a hell of a deal!
01:17:07Hey, come on, kids.
01:17:09Let's--play safe, all right?
01:17:16Was that a bottle?
01:17:30-Want to go for a ride? -Where are we going?
01:17:33We're getting out of here.
01:17:36Hang on.
01:17:40You want me? Here I come!
01:17:49Papa...
01:17:51you will be restored to your rightful place.
01:18:11Why did you take me around this way?
01:18:13Because you're getting on that plane.
01:18:15-I don't understand. -Come on.
01:18:17I'm gonna stay here, so your dad doesn't know where you went.
01:18:20Wait! Last night you said--
01:18:22Look, last night we both said a lot of things.
01:18:25Some of 'em were true, most of them weren't...
01:18:27but I thought about it, and it all adds up to one thing--
01:18:30you're gettin' on that plane where you belong--with Barry.
01:18:35Look, we'll always have Pedro O'Horny's, right?
01:18:40We'd lost that until you came here.
01:18:58Go.
01:19:00Thank you, Rick.
01:19:37Think this is funny, retard?
01:19:41Damn, what was that?
01:19:43Is it me, or do you even fight like a retard?
01:19:46Do it! Call me retard one more time!
01:19:50-Retard! -I hate you!
01:19:53Oh, you can't get to heaven on rollerskates
01:19:58'Cause you'll roll right past...
01:20:05Ride, Papa!
01:20:09You big lug!
01:20:17This is how you repay me?
01:20:18What the hell you got to say for yourself?
01:20:20I've got one thing to say to you.
01:20:21Get off our mountain, asshole!
01:20:27All right, fine. You win. I'll go.
01:20:29But first, I'm gonna whomp your ass!
01:20:31Bring it on, big man!
01:20:41Papa Muntz!
01:20:45Damn! What the hell was that?
01:20:48That was my dad!
01:20:50Look out! Watch out!
01:20:55Stop!
01:20:58Help!
01:21:06Let me go!
01:21:11Help me!
01:21:17Stop!
01:21:20Where's Anna?
01:21:28Where's your boot?
01:21:33Let's get a drink. Come on.
01:21:39Nice work, Lance.
01:21:42Hey, fellas!
01:21:43Check it out!
01:21:45Isn't that Anthony?
01:21:55Speech!
01:22:00Hot sluts with tits.
01:22:03Lance, you don't have to do that anymore, buddy.
01:22:05Oh, sorry.
01:22:07Old habits die hard.
01:22:09I love men!
01:22:10Lance, you don't have to do that, either.
01:22:12Who wants me?
01:22:13Help! Retard? Short Stack? Anybody?
01:22:29Man, you must be proud, huh?
01:22:34-So, do you ever miss her? -Who?
01:22:37That is the right answer.
01:22:41So...
01:22:43you want to get a drink with me later?
01:22:45You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that, Ricky.
01:22:56You know, things worked out...
01:22:58pretty well for our friends up here on Bull Mountain.
01:23:02Rick and Jenny?
01:23:04Yeah, they got together, and then some!
01:23:08Two sweet kids like that...
01:23:10they could do mighty well by one another.
01:23:12Anybody who ever tells you that money won't buy you love--
01:23:16hell, they ain't ever been to Reno.
01:23:18I was at the buffet table.
01:23:20This gal comes up to me, and I flash them dimes...
01:23:23and we went right up to her hotel room--
01:23:26well, it was a car.
01:23:27This is the good one.
01:23:38You're pretty good on that thing, son.
01:23:40I'm a genius.
01:23:48Actually, he was Mr. Mankowicz, but you can call me...
01:23:53Set!
01:23:54Who is under my table?
01:23:57Who put a farting machine under my table?
01:24:02This uniform makes my nuts rageous.
01:24:05This uniform's really cramping my Hardy Boys.
01:24:07It's no mystery.
01:24:08This outfit is suffocating my...
01:24:11Lance, can I get a drink for...
01:24:20Cut!
01:24:34Are we still makin' this movie?
01:24:36Are we done with this crap?
01:25:11When this country went off the gold standard--
01:25:14Your paper is paper, nothin' more than paper...
01:25:18and if you don't believe me, by God...
01:25:20you go talk to Alan Greenspan!
01:25:22I swear to God, he's runnin' this country!

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