50 First Dates

00:00:50So tell me. How was Hawaii?
00:00:53-It was unbelievable. -Oh, yeah?
00:00:56-Well, what happened? -I met this guy.
00:00:59It was the best week of my life.
00:01:02It was just a little vacation romance.
00:01:05But he was so sweet.
00:01:07He took me to all these cool local places.
00:01:09We went scuba diving. . . .
00:01:12-Snorkelling. -Mountain climbing.
00:01:19Well, we got a little drunk.
00:01:22-He gave me. . . . -A back rub.
00:01:24We slow danced. . . .
00:01:25--in the rain.
00:01:27But it wasn't just about the sex.
00:01:34It ended kind of weird, though.
00:01:36When I asked for his number, he said he's. . . .
00:01:38-Married. -Gay.
00:01:40-Entering the priesthood. -He doesn't believe in phones.
00:01:42He just kind of ran away.
00:01:46You know, it was just a little fling, but. . . .
00:01:49I won't forget my week. . . .
00:01:50--with Henry Roth.
00:01:52-Henry Roth. -Harry.
00:01:55Harry Paratesticles.
00:01:58-Henry Roth. -Henry Roth.
00:02:02Henry Roth, why didn't you tell me you were a secret agent?
00:02:06I prefer intelligence operative, and I couldn't tell you until I knew you.
00:02:10Well, can I call you when I land?
00:02:13You can call me, but I'll be in Peru. I said that a little loud.
00:02:16Come on, that's a 1 87, code blue. We got the wolf sleeping at night.
00:02:20He's slipping his arm in the drawer and out comes the cookie jar. All clear.
00:02:26Got it?
00:02:28Well, maybe when you get back from Peru.
00:02:31-I don't think that's an option, Lisa. -Linda.
00:02:34I know. I changed your name for your protection.
00:02:39We have to go our separate ways now.
00:02:42Well, goodbye.
00:02:44Got it! Moving out!
00:02:50-What the hell is your problem? -Just keep going, I'll give you $20.
00:02:54-You got it. How's your balls? -Killing me. Hit it.
00:03:13Easy, Honah Lee.
00:03:16Hey, I'm a person, not a seal.
00:03:19Well, I am a vet, not a doctor. So just hold still, or I won't give you a treat.
00:03:25I know, it's okay. You see that, kids?
00:03:27You see what happens when you play with sharks?
00:03:30Now, why you gotta spread those lies? Sharks are like dogs.
00:03:34They only bite when you touch their private parts.
00:03:38That's a good title for my documentary.
00:03:40Sharks: They Only Bite When You Touch Their Private Parts.
00:03:44Or you could call it, Sharks: They Tried to Eat My Kidney.
00:03:48All right, enough already. You too, Willie.
00:03:54All of you.
00:03:56He just cast a spell on us.
00:03:59All right. Put this on four times a day for two weeks.
00:04:02-You can handle that. -What's wrong with that turtle?
00:04:05Lung problems because he smoked too much turtle weed. . .
00:04:08. . .which is bad for you. Right, Ula?
00:04:10What? I don't smoke weed.
00:04:13Hey, Honah Lee? How's that hot wahine nympho from Ohio?
00:04:18Great. I dropped her off at the airport this morning.
00:04:21Come on, I need some details.
00:04:22You get some booby, some assy, a pull on your poi-poi? Come on.
00:04:26Daddy, what's a nympho?
00:04:28Oh. The nympho is the state bird of Ohio.
00:04:34You're the state idiot of Hawaii.
00:04:36Here you go. Bite the fish, chew the fish, love the fish. Enjoy.
00:04:39-You crack me up, kamaaina. -Oh, yeah?
00:04:42-One of these days. . . -Yeah?
00:04:44. . .you'll show one of those tourists such a good time. . .
00:04:47. . .she'll wanna stay on the island.
00:04:49Why do you say mean things like that. . .
00:04:51. . .and why is your foot on my pillow?
00:04:55I don't want your ass on it, either. Get up! Get up!
00:04:58It could happen.
00:05:00Then you won't be able to go on your boat trip to Alaska.
00:05:03You'll be stuck here, waking up next to the same old, ugly broad, just like Ula.
00:05:12-Just kidding, guys. -About the old part or the ugly part?
00:05:20Henry, come quickly! It's Jocko!
00:05:29Jocko! What's going on with you, buddy?
00:05:32Don't be scared. Everything's gonna be fine.
00:05:35Just stay calm. All right.
00:05:37Willie, I don't need you to see this. Get out of here, now!
00:05:42Okay, check the temperature of the pool. Go! Hurry!
00:05:47What are you doing? I meant check the thermometer!
00:05:49Give me a hand. Let's go!
00:05:52Get me two fish from the barrel. Now.
00:05:54-Okay. -Just hang in there.
00:05:56-Here. -It's gonna be all right.
00:05:58That's a little warm. Go to the bottom of the barrel, please.
00:06:08Okay, there. That's good. Thank you.
00:06:10Come on, buddy, take it. Take it.
00:06:12-He's not responding ! -I know, Alexa!
00:06:14Sorry, I smacked you. You needed the fish-slap to calm down.
00:06:17-Do you understand? Are you calm? -Yes. Fish-slap calm me.
00:06:21I'm gonna try to get him breathing manually. . .
00:06:23. . .so I need your face next to his mouth to see if it's working.
00:06:26-Are you ready? -Yes.
00:06:28-One, two, three! -Nothing, nothing !
00:06:31All right! Try it again. If it doesn't work we'll perform a tracheotomy.
00:06:35We don't wanna do that, so let's pray this works. One more time.
00:06:39One, two. . . .
00:06:50That's a lot of vomit.
00:06:52This is why I got into this business.
00:06:56To save sea animals.
00:06:58You should go wash yourself off, okay?
00:07:01Maybe try some turpentine. That might take the stink away.
00:07:06Yeah, high-five is right, buddy.
00:07:08I knew you were gonna burp, but the vomit thing was awesome!
00:07:12That's what she gets for eating my roast beef sandwich.
00:07:16Willie, did you see that?
00:07:38Captain's log: November 5th, 6:45 a.m.
00:07:41l've taken the Sea Serpent for a trip around the island of Oahu.
00:07:45lt is by far the longest voyage she has yet undertaken. . .
00:07:48...and its completion will signal that she's ready. . .
00:07:51...for our great journey to Bristol Bay. . .
00:07:53...whose unspoiled walrus habitat hill yield an abundance of--
00:08:04Damn it!
00:08:07Are you kidding me?
00:08:28Aloha, honey. What can I get for you?
00:08:31I guess I'll take a cup of coffee.
00:08:33-You guess? -Yeah, I already ate breakfast.
00:08:36I need to kill some time before the Coast Guard gets here to tow my boat.
00:08:40What did you eat?
00:08:41I had a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and some Gatorade.
00:08:45They're not breakfast. I get you Spam and eggs.
00:08:48Nick, I need Spam and eggs.
00:08:51Hey.
00:08:53-You like the peanut butter cups? -Yes.
00:08:57Want me to put peanut butter cups in your eggs?
00:09:00No, that's okay.
00:09:03Peanut butter cups.
00:09:22-Hey, Sue, nice haircut. -Mahalo, Lucy.
00:09:58Are you staring at me or her?
00:10:00Because you're starting to freak me out.
00:10:02Settle down and eat your pancakes.
00:10:10I think she's a local girl. I wanted to go up to her. . .
00:10:13. . . but I was kind of off my game. But, man, was she cute, though.
00:10:16I thought you liked your bitches from out of state.
00:10:19Yeah, that's usually my policy. Make sure I don't get tied down.
00:10:23Freeze that image right there.
00:10:26There's the little fella. Congratulations, Mommy.
00:10:30Sounds to me like someone is afraid of commitment.
00:10:34Let me guess.
00:10:36Your high school sweetheart got drunk at party. . .
00:10:39. . .then cheated on you with whole wrestling team.
00:10:42Close. Actually, it was my college girlfriend Tracy.
00:10:45And it wasn't a wrestling team. It was her academic advisor.
00:10:49-Oh, she liked the older man. -Older women. About 50 years older.
00:10:53I hope you shot the stupid tramp.
00:10:55What's with the "tramp" and the "bitches" talk?
00:10:58-Are you drunk or something? -I apologize for nasty talk.
00:11:01I am grouchy due to lack of recent physical intimacy.
00:11:06Shut up, because here comes one-time-only opportunity.
00:11:09What I will do now is go into your office and become naked.
00:11:15Next move is up to you.
00:11:18I may not be as limber as I once was. . .
00:11:20. . . but I make up for it with enthusiasm and willingness to experiment.
00:11:27I don't know if you realize, I'm not into guys.
00:11:49Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups.
00:11:52Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-in-One-Punch. How you doing?
00:11:55-You're back. -Couldn't get enough of that Spam.
00:11:57Fry some up and throw some eggs on it.
00:12:00-You got it. -All right, mahalo.
00:12:01-Hi, Lucy. -Hi, Nick.
00:12:18You know, why don't you try this?
00:12:24It's kind of a hinge.
00:12:29-Now, why didn't I think of that? -Well, you're too close to the project.
00:12:32Don't be hard on yourself.
00:12:34Right. Sometimes you need an outsider's perspective.
00:12:37Fresh eye never hurts.
00:12:41I'm Lucy.
00:12:43Yes. I'm Henry Roth.
00:12:44-Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.
00:12:46It's pretty. Keep up the good work.
00:12:50Wait. I see you're sitting there alone. Do you wanna come and sit down?
00:12:55-Sure, that'd be great, if that's all right. -Okay.
00:13:03-So are you an architect? -I am not. I'm in fish.
00:13:07Oh, that's where the smell is coming from.
00:13:09Yeah, yeah, I was feeding a walrus this morning. . .
00:13:12. . .and I thought I got most of it off of me, but guess I didn't.
00:13:16-I love that smell. -No, you don't.
00:13:19-Fish don't even like that smell. -No, I do. My dad's a fisherman.
00:13:22He and my brother Doug, they go out to sea for months at a time.
00:13:26And I miss them so much while they're gone that when they come back. . .
00:13:30. . . I just hold on to them for five minutes each.
00:13:37And they smell just like your hands. It's the best smell in the world.
00:13:43Well, my fingers are available. . .
00:13:45. . .for your sniffing pleasure anytime you need them.
00:13:48-Wanna? -Okay.
00:13:59Sea lions are known for their athleticism. . .
00:14:03. . .and dolphins are known for their intelligence.
00:14:06-Walruses are known for their. . . . -Tusks?
00:14:10Their tusks. Also their male parts can get pretty gigantic.
00:14:17Yeah, yeah, it's the second biggest out of all the mammals.
00:14:22-What's the first? -I think Tattoo-Face.
00:14:29I like your laugh.
00:14:32I like you making me laugh.
00:14:33I hate to break this up, but we're setting up for lunch.
00:14:37Oh, okay. Sorry, Sue.
00:14:40And the real cool thing about walruses is they're very mysterious.
00:14:44-Mysterious? -Yeah, yeah.
00:14:46We don't really know what they're like in the wild.
00:14:49Don't they just sleep on icebergs and yawn all the time?
00:14:52All we really see is what they do outside of the water. . .
00:14:55. . . but who knows what they do under the ice. . .
00:14:58. . .where they spend two-thirds of their lives.
00:15:01Well, maybe they're intimidating the other creatures with their big winkies.
00:15:05That is one theory.
00:15:09-I have to go. -Where you going?
00:15:11It's my dad's birthday, and we go every year and we pick a pineapple.
00:15:15-It's a tradition. -That sounds nice. Okay, well. . .
00:15:19. . . I had a great time.
00:15:21-Me too. -Okay.
00:15:24Would you like to have breakfast again tomorrow morning, same time?
00:15:28-Because I teach an art class at 1 0. -Really?
00:15:30-Yeah. -I wish I could make it. . .
00:15:32. . . but, yes, I will be there.
00:15:36-Take care. -Okay.
00:15:38-One for the road. It is fishy. -Got you good.
00:15:41-Aloha. -Aloha!
00:15:43See you tomorrow.
00:15:45Oh, my God.
00:15:48Oh, my goodness.
00:16:00Shit.
00:16:04I had a bee on me.
00:16:06-All right. -He was a big one.
00:16:11Which means "look at those two shitheads."
00:16:23That was the stupidest-looking swing I've ever seen.
00:16:26I'm gonna take a Molokai on that one.
00:16:28No throwing. Come on.
00:16:31Stop laughing, you hyenas. Let's see what you get.
00:16:33Okay, you heard me. Go! Go!
00:16:36Show papa what you got.
00:16:49-You suck, you're good at everything. -Father of the Year strikes again.
00:16:53By the way, cuz, I met this sexy, blond tax attorney at Starbucks today.
00:16:58I told her you the kahuna she wanna have fun on this island.
00:17:03You want her number?
00:17:04You pimping tourists for me again?
00:17:06Yes! I live vicariously through you, remember?
00:17:09My life sucks.
00:17:11Now, come on. Give her the Waikikiki sneaky between the cheeky.
00:17:15Ula needs it. I imagine I did it and then I can get through another weekend.
00:17:20I'm staying in. Sorry. Thank you, though.
00:17:22-What? -Hey, Dad !
00:17:24Not now, Keanu Mokokokakau.
00:17:26But your stitches are bleeding.
00:17:30It must've been my huge back-swing.
00:17:32You think you can stitch me up after I get back from surfing?
00:17:35-Yeah, looking forward to it. -I wouldn't surf with a wound like that.
00:17:39You might attract a shark.
00:17:41What's wrong with that? Sharks are naturally peaceful.
00:17:44Is that right? How'd you get that nasty cut, anyway?
00:17:47A shark bit me.
00:17:48Nice.
00:17:50Go smoke another one, bro.
00:17:52That shark theory's starting to catch on.
00:17:55Now, will everybody keep it down. . .
00:17:57. . .while I whack the crap out of this thing?
00:18:05Sit! Stay! Shit! No!
00:18:12Where the hell is it?
00:18:16Looking for something?
00:18:23Oh, my God ! What are you doing here?
00:18:27The same thing you are. Looking for my ball.
00:18:31This is weird. I've been thinking about you all morning, all day.
00:18:35Can't wait to have breakfast with you again.
00:18:37I know. And I just wanna eat you up.
00:18:41-Really? -Yeah. Tomorrow and the next day. . .
00:18:44-. . .and the next day and the next day. -All right. Okay.
00:18:48Oh, my.
00:18:50Oh, Lucy, that feels so good.
00:18:53No, my nipples are too sensitive. Stop that.
00:19:02-What happened? -Your ball hooked into that cart. . .
00:19:05. . . bounced back and hit you in the head. It was freaking hilarious.
00:19:09-What? -Who's Lucy?
00:19:11And what's up with your nipples?
00:19:15I can't be falling for a local. I ain't ever going back to that diner.
00:19:19-This where you got hit? -Yes!
00:19:28You're so lucky you're a professional cliff diver in Hawaii.
00:19:32-Yeah, well, it's a living. -I'm a tax attorney.
00:19:34-We never get to have any fun. -Is that right?
00:19:37I'd like to do something extra fun tonight.
00:19:51Taking it deep, aren't you?
00:19:59How about another fishbowl for the lady?
00:20:01-Why don't I just tap a keg for her? -Okay.
00:20:05I think I'm getting kind of drunk.
00:20:08-Are you getting drunk? -Getting there.
00:20:11So, what are you thinking?
00:20:18What am I thinking?
00:20:23Actually, I'm not drunk at all, Noreen, and neither are you. . .
00:20:26. . . because there's no alcohol in these drinks.
00:20:30Sadly, I've used this technique many times.
00:20:33It helps lovely tourists, such as yourself. . .
00:20:35. . . loosen up without impairing your ability to stay awake. . .
00:20:38. . .and have guilt-free, vigorous sex with me.
00:20:43-Wow. -I'm sorry.
00:20:44I'm not a cliff diver, either. I'm afraid of heights.
00:20:48Well, since it's my last night in town. . .
00:20:52. . .can I pretend you didn't just say that and still have sex with you anyway?
00:20:58I can't do it. I'm sorry.
00:21:01Well, can you at least point me in the direction of someone who can?
00:21:05That guy over there could help you out.
00:21:11-Isn't that a woman? -Jeez, I'm not really sure.
00:21:16But you're too drunk to notice, remember? Take care.
00:21:29-Hey, you. Aloha. -Aloha.
00:21:32Not aloha, "hello," aloha, "goodbye." We're closed today. Go away.
00:21:36-What are you talking about? -Order up!
00:21:39-Don't move. I have to talk to you. -Okay.
00:21:41-Hey! Tattoo-Face! -Hey, Peanut Butter Cups!
00:21:56Hi.
00:22:00My fingers are extra fishy today, if you care to take a whiff.
00:22:04What was that?
00:22:06I was petting my walrus all morning and thinking of you the whole time.
00:22:11Okay, pervert. I think that you should leave.
00:22:14What? I was joking because of what we talked about yesterday.
00:22:17Yesterday?
00:22:20I've never even met you.
00:22:22-Nick! I need help! -Coming, Lucy.
00:22:26Nick, put that down. I'll handle it.
00:22:28-You, follow me. -Wait a-- What's going on?
00:22:32I was kidding around with you !
00:22:35What's happening here? Is she crazy or something?
00:22:38Lucy is a very special person. Very different from other people.
00:22:44Okay.
00:22:45About a year ago, Lucy was in a terrible car accident.
00:22:50She and her father went up North Shore to get a pineapple.
00:23:30Her father broke some ribs, but Lucy suffered a serious head injury.
00:23:35She lost her short-term memory.
00:23:38So she can't remember anything?
00:23:40No, no, no, she has all of her long-term memory.
00:23:43That's a different part of the brain.
00:23:45Her whole life, up to the night before the accident, she remembers.
00:23:49She just can't retain any new information.
00:23:52It's like her slate gets wiped clean every night while she sleeps.
00:23:57Hold on. This sounds like something I would tell a psycho girl. . .
00:24:01. . .so she'd stop calling me. Am I the psycho girl?
00:24:03I wish I was making this up!
00:24:05She has no memory that she ever met you.
00:24:08What about the pineapple-picking thing?
00:24:11She says that every day, because each morning. . .
00:24:13. . .she wakes up thinking it's October 1 3th of last year.
00:24:17She comes for breakfast because that's what she did on Sundays. . .
00:24:20. . .and October 1 3th was a Sunday.
00:24:23She has no idea it's more than a year later.
00:24:26She reads the newspaper.
00:24:28It's a special paper her father puts on their porch.
00:24:31It's from the day of her accident. He got hundreds of them printed.
00:24:35Lucy does the same thing every day.
00:24:49-Hello! -Back here.
00:24:52-Hi, Dad ! -Oh, hi, sweetie.
00:24:55You got one without me.
00:24:58The lady at the farmers' market gave it to me as a birthday present.
00:25:02I didn't wanna hurt her feelings.
00:25:06I think she likes you.
00:25:08-Yeah, what's not to like? -What about our tradition?
00:25:12Well, I have another idea. I painted my workshop yesterday.
00:25:17White.
00:25:19Now it's too white. Gives me a headache.
00:25:21Oh, yeah, you definitely need some colour in here.
00:25:24Well, you know, that's what I was thinking.
00:25:27-Really? -Yeah. Go nuts.
00:25:29-Paint me something for my birthday. -I will.
00:25:33And promise that we can pick a pineapple for Thanksgiving, okay?
00:25:37-Sounds great. -Okay, good.
00:25:40Hey, you should watch the Vikings game while I'm painting.
00:25:44Good idea.
00:25:51-Yeah, baby. Isolate. -What are we eating tonight, Doug?
00:25:55-Spaghetti, Pop. -Try not to sweat in the sauce.
00:25:58Sorry, Pop.
00:26:06Go Vikings.
00:26:09Seven hundred and five. Seven hundred and six.
00:26:12-Seven hundred and seven. -Hey, you guys.
00:26:15Hey, sweetie. How's the painting coming?
00:26:17-You'll see. -Cool.
00:26:19-Oh. What's the score? -The Vikings are on the two-yard line.
00:26:23-If they score, they bring it to 1 4-1 0. -Maybe they'll win for your birthday.
00:26:27And I'll bet Culpepper runs it in.
00:26:30I'll bet he fakes a handoff to Williams, throws to Kleinsasser in the end zone.
00:26:34-Loser does the dishes? -You're on.
00:26:37--keep the offence on the field.
00:26:39Culpepper fakes a handoff to Williams. He will throw.
00:26:42He's got Kleinsasser in the end zone! Touchdohn, Minnesota.
00:26:45Doug, you're good.
00:26:48Maybe you should be a coach.
00:26:54-Dad. -Moron !
00:26:57That hurt.
00:27:12And you don't look a day over 25.
00:27:13Yeah, right, and Doug's muscles aren't pharmaceutically enhanced.
00:27:17What? I use an herb supplement. . .
00:27:19. . .that can be purchased at any health-food store. Check this out.
00:27:22Check out these glutes. Rock-hard, baby.
00:27:25Pretty sweet, huh?
00:27:27Stop it! You're gonna make me throw up on the cake.
00:27:30Okay, just open your present.
00:27:31Okay. Let's see what we've got here.
00:27:35The Sixth Sense.
00:27:38Hey! When I'm done doing the dishes, do you guys wanna watch it?
00:27:42-Sure. -Sure.
00:27:44Ben Friedkin?
00:27:46Some people, they call me freak.
00:27:51-Ronald Sumner? -l am. l am a freak. Look at me.
00:27:57Just give me a chance--
00:28:03I can't believe it. Bruce Willis is a ghost.
00:28:07I'm shocked. Did you see that coming?
00:28:09-No. -Not a clue.
00:28:10-Shocked as hell. -Anyway, it was awesome.
00:28:14-Happy birthday. -Love you, Sis.
00:28:16Your muscles are getting so big, I can barely wrap my arms around you.
00:28:20You like that? Check this out.
00:28:26Okay, okay! Enough with the titty dance! Let your sister go to sleep.
00:28:31-I like it. -Sweet dreams, Lucy.
00:28:33-Good night. -Good night.
00:29:25Hey, Tracy, how you doing?
00:29:27Yeah?
00:29:28Well, things changed a little bit since high school.
00:30:00And this is what happens every single day.
00:30:03How long it gonna take for her memory to come back?
00:30:06Her doctors say it may never come back.
00:30:09So, basically, what you're saying is. . .
00:30:13-. . .she's perfect for you. -What do you mean?
00:30:15You can hang out all day with no attachment, because--
00:30:18Her plane leaves every night? There's a problem with that.
00:30:21-What is? -It's evil.
00:30:23No, it isn't.
00:30:24You meet her, hang out, flirt, no commitment, nobody gets hurt.
00:30:28-She's got brain damage, you psycho. -Okay, I'll give you that one.
00:30:32But I think it'd be healthy for you.
00:30:34You haven't allowed yourself to connect with a girl.
00:30:37I appreciate your interest, but leave me alone.
00:30:40Hey, you'd be doing exactly what her father does:
00:30:43Giving her a wonderful day.
00:30:45When it's time for you to go on your big boat trip, poof, you just leave.
00:30:49She'll never even know you're gone.
00:30:51I'm not sure about the "poofing" part, because I'm not a good poofer.
00:30:55Demonstrate a good poof for me?
00:30:57quit busting my coconuts for five seconds.
00:30:59All right. Would you stop poofing on that joint and do some work?
00:31:03Okay. Let's get this sucker ready.
00:31:07Then we're gonna take her out for a spin.
00:31:13Captain's log: November 7th. Nearly midnight.
00:31:16The Sea Serpent is fulIy recovered from her mishap...
00:31:19...and ready to once again brave the open ocean.
00:31:25I think my stitches opened up again, cuz.
00:31:27You got a cat? Because I feel something licking me.
00:31:42How is it?
00:31:44Peanut Butter Cups. What are you doing here?
00:31:46I just wanted to say hi to Lucy.
00:31:50I promise you I'm not gonna do anything wrong.
00:31:53What did Sue say?
00:31:54She said that if I talk to Lucy, you'll kill me with a meat cleaver.
00:31:58She's the boss, cuz. But don't worry.
00:32:01Lucy probably didn't wanna talk to you anyway.
00:32:05-What does that mean? -This ain't a disco.
00:32:08She doesn't want guys hitting on her during her breakfast.
00:32:11She does if it's Henry Roth.
00:32:13-Who that? -Who that? Me that.
00:32:15I bet you 20 bucks I can get her to have breakfast with me again.
00:32:21-You're on. -I love it.
00:32:24-How you doing, honey? -Hey, Sue. Nice haircut.
00:32:28Oh, mahalo. See you in a bit.
00:32:32Nick and I have an arrangement. You can trust me.
00:32:36Don't worry.
00:33:00You should try this out. Put it in there.
00:33:03Swivelly door.
00:33:05Waffleonians can come in and out now.
00:33:08Are you from a country where it's okay to stick your fingers. . .
00:33:12. . .all over someone else's food?
00:33:14No, I'm from this country.
00:33:17Why? Were you gonna eat that? Oh.
00:33:19All right, well, have a good meal.
00:33:27-Yeah. -That was pathetic.
00:33:29Yeah? Why don't you choke on your Spam?
00:33:32Double or nothing tomorrow.
00:33:41Hey. I'm sorry to bother you. . .
00:33:44. . . but you look like a person who appreciates fine art. . .
00:33:47. . .so I wanted your opinion.
00:33:49I drew this. It's a picture of a father and son fishing off a fishing boat.
00:33:56There's a walrus right there--
00:34:03Oh, you don't speak English. Okay.
00:34:09Doesn't look Chinese.
00:34:11Forty.
00:34:15Can I have that?
00:34:16I need something to wipe my ass with.
00:34:20Shut up.
00:34:46I wonder what's the matter with him.
00:34:48Looks like a stupid asshole to me.
00:34:58Excuse me. Okay. I didn't mean to startle you.
00:35:01-No, that's all right. I-- -Are you okay?
00:35:03Yeah, I'm fine. I'm having a problem with something. . . .
00:35:06Something that I could help you with?
00:35:08No, no, no. I just. . .
00:35:10. . .can't read.
00:35:14You gotta be kidding me.
00:35:16-I can read that for you. -No. Thank you.
00:35:19I can do this on my own.
00:35:20Appreciate the sentiment.
00:35:23I'm gonna get an order of the. . . .
00:35:36Pan. . . .
00:35:41Panku--
00:35:43Ca--
00:35:45Panclocks.
00:35:47-Pancakes. -Okay, I'll have pancake.
00:35:49-Pancakes. -Pancah-- Pancakes! Pancakes!
00:35:52-I'm so stupid ! -Oh, don't cry.
00:35:54-Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. -Don't cry.
00:35:58-I don't know anything ! -What a loser.
00:36:04I'll tell you what. Why don't you sit with me?
00:36:07You can have some breakfast and I'll help teach you some of the words.
00:36:11-Okay. -All right.
00:36:13-That sounds nice. -Come on over.
00:36:15-Okay, thank you. -All right.
00:36:23So I comes before the E?
00:36:26-Except after C? -Yes.
00:36:29Okay, and C is that little half a squiggly one, right?
00:36:32-Yes. -I think I'm getting it.
00:36:34-How'd you get so good at teaching? -I'm a teacher. I do it all the time.
00:36:38I'm an art teacher at the Haluki-liki Junior High.
00:36:41Well, you Haluki-liki the kind of teacher all the kids have crushes on.
00:36:45I know I would if I was in your class.
00:36:51Okay.
00:36:53Oh, boy, do my-- My fingers smell like fish.
00:36:56That doesn't gross you out, does it?
00:36:58No, not at all.
00:37:00Really?
00:37:05If Lucy gets hurt, I'm gonna chop you with the meat cleaver.
00:37:08Okay, okay.
00:37:11So I had a nice time.
00:37:13-Yeah, me too. -Thank you very much.
00:37:16-Let me get it for you. -Thank you.
00:37:18Sure.
00:37:20Okay.
00:37:28I just want to eat you up, tomorrow and the next day, next day, next day. . . .
00:37:35I'll see you around.
00:37:37Okay.
00:37:42Really? That's it?
00:37:44-That's what? -All that flirting. . .
00:37:48. . .and phoney "I can't read" stuff, and you're not gonna ask me out. . .
00:37:51. . .or for my phone number?
00:37:53-I can't read. -Oh, shut up.
00:37:55That was one of the goofiest things I've ever seen, but I thought:
00:37:59"Hey, if this guy is so desperate to meet me. . .
00:38:02. . . he might be worth talking to."
00:38:04But then I get stiffed.
00:38:06No, no, no, this is what happened. I. . . .
00:38:09Mahalo for the ego boost.
00:38:12-You're right. You're right. I feel like-- -No worries.
00:38:16I gotta-- I can read a little!
00:38:18I didn't know I came before E! That one I didn't know, I swear.
00:38:21Oh, you idiot.
00:38:23I hope you're happy, Shamu.
00:38:30Marlin. It's Sue.
00:38:44-Oh, aloha, sir. My name's Henry-- -I know who you are.
00:38:50-I want to apologize to your daughter. -Not gonna happen.
00:38:53She's inside. We're gonna straighten things out.
00:38:55Dad, the damn mongoose got in the garbage again !
00:39:01-Is this the guy? -Yeah.
00:39:03Mr. Roth, I have one simple request:
00:39:06Stay away from my daughter.
00:39:08Absolutely. I hurt her feelings and don't want it to end like that.
00:39:11It's gonna end like this.
00:39:14Calm down, little fellow.
00:39:16I'm gonna kill you ! You're a dead man. Okay, I'm calm.
00:39:19I'm calm.
00:39:21-Let me help you up. -I got it! I got it.
00:39:24It's just Dad and I work too hard to protect Lucy to let some idiot ruin it.
00:39:28I know what you guys do and I totally respect that.
00:39:31If you know her condition, you know she can't have a normal relationship.
00:39:35The next morning, she won't know who he is.
00:39:37And any guy who's okay with that. . .
00:39:40. . .ain't okay with me.
00:39:41-I'm not looking for a one-night stand. -Anything with Lucy is, numb-nuts.
00:39:45Give us a break. Just stay away from the Hukilau CafĂŠ.
00:39:50My daughter's been through enough.
00:39:53Okay. I'm sorry.
00:40:00I could have whooped his ass, but this gravel, I slipped on it--
00:40:03Yeah, well, maybe you need to do a few more butt flexes.
00:40:07Cheap shot, Dad.
00:40:09So fresh and so clean.
00:40:11Hey, Alexa, did you hook up with that girl from the bar?
00:40:14-I chickened out. -Really?
00:40:17Yeah, I don't know. I guess I prefer sausage to taco.
00:40:21-What? -Yeah. No, I agree, buddy.
00:40:24Get out of here. Run for the hills.
00:40:27Let me ask you something, Alexa.
00:40:29If you promised a girl's dad that you wouldn't see her. . .
00:40:32. . .would you consider that a binding promise?
00:40:35-Absolutely. -Yeah?
00:40:37Then again, there are always ways around such things.
00:40:39-Like? -For example. . .
00:40:41. . . if I promised a woman's father I would not see her. . .
00:40:46. . . I would simply shut my eyes while she serviced my manhood.
00:40:52That's actually a cool way to look at it.
00:40:54And a very gross way.
00:41:12He asked me not to go to the Hukilau. I'm not going there.
00:41:16I'm not doing anything wrong.
00:41:24Sorry to bother you. I'm kind of stuck here.
00:41:27-Car trouble? -Yeah. You mind giving me a jump?
00:41:31Okay.
00:41:33Appreciate your time.
00:41:34Not everybody would have stopped.
00:41:36-You're real sweet. -Oh, yeah. Thank you.
00:41:45I can't believe you fell for that.
00:41:48Well, my grandfather died trying to jump-start a car.
00:41:55I'm sorry. I was just joking around.
00:41:58I can't believe you fell for that!
00:42:02Oh, my God.
00:42:04That was very good.
00:42:06-My name's Henry. -I'm Lucy.
00:42:08Nice to meet you. You look like a nice. . . .
00:42:16Hi. Sorry for the delay. Should be a few minutes.
00:42:20-No problem. No worries. -Where you coming from?
00:42:23Breakfast?
00:42:25-Yeah. -How was it?
00:42:26I had waffles. They were delicious.
00:42:28I like making little houses out of waffles.
00:42:32-You do? -That's my thing.
00:42:37-What's your name? -Lucy.
00:42:39Hi, I'm Henry.
00:42:40Okay, pal. When she stops, just let her pet you. Look cute.
00:42:43Go to the middle of the road. Thank you. Right there. Perfect.
00:42:53-Oh, shit. -Here she comes. Smile.
00:42:59Where is she?
00:43:04Oh, my God. Oh, no!
00:43:08Okay. That didn't work.
00:43:10Shit your pants? So did I.
00:43:18Okay, this is her. Start beating me up.
00:43:21Make it look good.
00:43:25Give me your wallet!
00:43:28Okay, haole, what do you think? You can come to this island. . .
00:43:31-. . .eat our pineapple-- -Help me! Not so hard.
00:43:34-Take it easy. -Try to bang our women.
00:43:36Making my sister clean your hotel room.
00:43:39Okay. What's that have to do with this? Relax.
00:43:41-Hey! Hey! Help me, please! -Stupid haole!
00:43:45Yeah, that's right. Take that! And that! And that!
00:43:48And that! And that!
00:43:50You got him. You got him. Enough. Enough.
00:43:52-Are you okay? -Yes, yes--
00:43:54Okay, I'll be back. Come here!
00:43:55No, no! I think he's had enough.
00:43:58I'm sorry.
00:44:01My eye!
00:44:04-You got him ! -Not good enough !
00:44:06Oh, Kamehameha!
00:44:08He learned his lesson !
00:44:10-What's your name? -My name's Henry.
00:44:13-You did good. -Hi. Sorry.
00:44:15I'm in a community-watch program--
00:44:16Oh, you crazy bitch !
00:44:19Yeah, keep running !
00:44:21Okay, okay, he's-- He's gone now.
00:44:30Not her. False alarm.
00:44:36Don't worry, I called the cops already. I'm all set.
00:44:39Yeah? You all set for this, Mr. Smarty?
00:44:44-Oh, shit. -Yeah.
00:44:46When you're finished playing your kidnap-victim crap on my daughter. . .
00:44:50. . .come by the house.
00:44:51Okay.
00:45:01Oh, boy.
00:45:10There's something I wanna show you.
00:45:22We figured it out. She only sings on days she meets you.
00:45:26You're kidding me. That song?
00:45:28That's Mom and Dad's song.
00:45:29When her mom was alive, Lucy would have me take that tape. . .
00:45:33-. . .on every fishing trip I went on. -Oh, yeah?
00:45:35Yeah, she knew it would make me miss her mom. . .
00:45:38. . .and want to come home sooner.
00:45:40I'm seeing a new side to you, sir. I gotta tell you, it's grossing me out.
00:45:46Let me ask you something.
00:45:47What's in it for you? What do you get out of this?
00:45:52I don't know.
00:45:59Wouldn't you want to spend an hour a day with that?
00:46:01Actually, no. She sings like shit.
00:46:05-What? -Can I ask you guys something?
00:46:07What'll happen down the line? Someday she'll wake up. . .
00:46:10. . . look in the mirror and notice she aged 1 0 years overnight.
00:46:14You know something, Henry?
00:46:16I worry about that every damn day of my life.
00:46:24Pardon me.
00:46:25Sorry to interrupt, but I noticed we were both eating alone. . .
00:46:29. . .and I thought I could sit with you, maybe build a syrup Jacuzzi. . .
00:46:32-. . .for your waffle house? -Oh, that would be nice. . .
00:46:36. . . but I have a boyfriend.
00:46:38So I'm sorry.
00:46:42You're making up a boyfriend to get rid of me?
00:46:45No, I'm not.
00:46:46What's his name, then?
00:46:48Ringo.
00:46:50Is his last name Starr?
00:46:52-No. McCartney. -McCartney, okay.
00:46:56-Oh, no. -All right. I'm sorry.
00:46:58No! This cop is writing me a ticket!
00:47:01Oh, whoa, whoa. I wouldn't go out there.
00:47:03-Wait, wait, wait! -Go on !
00:47:04I'm coming.
00:47:06The tags don't expire for seven months.
00:47:08-They expired May of this year. -No! No, no!
00:47:11They expire May of next year.
00:47:13I think there's been a misunderstanding.
00:47:15-I don't. -This is ridiculous.
00:47:17I'm not paying for this! It's October!
00:47:19Excuse me. Can I borrow this? Look, October!
00:47:22Lucy, let's go back inside.
00:47:25What?
00:47:45Having a bad day, Doug !
00:48:28Sweetheart. . .
00:48:30. . .these are from the accident.
00:48:49Oh, no!
00:48:59I can feel it.
00:49:04You were in the hospital for three months, sweetheart.
00:49:21I have to talk to this doctor. I need to hear it from him.
00:49:25You have heard it, sweetie. Many times.
00:49:29I have?
00:49:32I'll take her.
00:49:35I have to hear for myself too.
00:49:48Doug, just take this, okay? I can't--
00:49:51I can't look at it anymore.
00:49:54-It's gonna be all right, Luce. -Don't call me Luce. I barely know you.
00:49:58Sweetie, you're sort of dating him.
00:50:02Sorry I'm not better-looking.
00:50:06What else happened since last October?
00:50:09-What about my students? -Miss Campbell took over your class.
00:50:16-Did Alicia marry that guy? -Yeah.
00:50:19Doug, did you win the Mr. Hawaii contest?
00:50:21I didn't know there was gonna be a urine test.
00:50:24Wow.
00:50:26Do we have sex?
00:50:30No, we don't. Just so everybody knows that.
00:50:34We want to.
00:50:37Just kidding.
00:50:43So you guys have to just lie to me every day.
00:51:00Hey, Lucy. Good to see you again.
00:51:05What the hell's her problem?
00:51:07She doesn't remember who you are, brah.
00:51:10Oh, yeah.
00:51:12I suck at this job.
00:51:16Lucy, these are your brain scans here.
00:51:18I'm afraid they show no improvement.
00:51:21The temporal lobe was severely damaged.
00:51:23What we believe is scar tissue here is impairing your ability. . .
00:51:27. . .to convert short-term memory into long-term memory while you sleep.
00:51:31The condition's come to be known as Goldfield Syndrome.
00:51:34-Who's Goldfield? -A brilliant Lithuanian psychiatrist.
00:51:37He himself suffered temporal-lobe damage.
00:51:39Took him four years to publish his findings. . .
00:51:41. . . because he had to keep starting over from scratch.
00:51:45Obviously, your sense of humour is still intact, and that's here.
00:51:48Magnificent amygdala as well.
00:51:50-Doctor, I have a question. -I'd be happy to answer it. . .
00:51:53. . . but as I've told you before, this is a hygienic facility. Shirts are required.
00:51:58-Oh, okay. -Nice move.
00:52:01Listen, doctor, this. . .
00:52:03. . .friend of mine's been experimenting a little with steroids.
00:52:07He's been having a lot of wet dreams.
00:52:09Could there be a connection between them?
00:52:11Douglas, get off the juice.
00:52:13As for the nocturnal emissions, why don't you take a swim. . .
00:52:17. . . buy a shirt with no holes, find a wahine and take her to dinner.
00:52:21I'll tell my friend you said so.
00:52:23In any case, Lucy, your condition is stable. . .
00:52:26. . . but most likely permanent.
00:52:28I'm so sorry, dear.
00:52:31But it could be worse.
00:52:34Yeah? How?
00:52:36I think you should meet Ten Second Tom.
00:52:39Callahan Institute is the leading brain-injury clinic in the Pacific Rim.
00:52:43We are funded out of Sandusky, Ohio by T. B. Callahan. . .
00:52:46. . .the automotive-components tycoon and philanthropist.
00:52:54And now, I would like to introduce to you. . .
00:52:57. . .our most distinguished clinical subject. . .
00:53:00. . .Tom.
00:53:02-Hi. I'm Tom. -Henry.
00:53:03-Marlin. -Doug.
00:53:05-Lucy. -Hi.
00:53:06Cool flip-flops. Where'd you get them?
00:53:09You like those? It's interesting. I was on the North Shore--
00:53:12Hi, I'm Tom.
00:53:14-Henry. -Hi.
00:53:16-Marlin. -Tom lost part of his brain. . .
00:53:18. . . in a hunting accident. His memory lasts 1 0 seconds.
00:53:21I was in an accident? That's terrible.
00:53:23Don't worry. You'll get over it in seconds.
00:53:25Get over it? I mean, what happened? Did I get shot in the brain--?
00:53:29-Hi, I'm Tom. -Hi, I'm Lucy.
00:53:31-Hi. -Doug.
00:53:33-Hey. -Marlin.
00:53:34Hey, Tom, can I tell you a secret?
00:53:39Don't you think you're a little old to still have wet dreams?
00:53:46-They liked that. -Hi, I'm Tom.
00:53:49-Yeah, watch yourself, Tom. -Easy.
00:54:05-I'm gonna go to sleep. -All right. Good night.
00:54:08Good night, you guys. I'll see you tomorrow.
00:54:12-And I guess I'll see you too? -Oh, yeah.
00:54:15You had a rough day today. I'm sorry.
00:54:17I hope you get some rest tonight.
00:54:20Okay.
00:54:22Good night.
00:54:24So how you getting home?
00:54:25-You gonna take the Likelike or-- -Hey.
00:54:30Thank you for being so nice to me today.
00:54:33-Sure. -I don't want you to. . .
00:54:35. . .strike out tomorrow.
00:54:37So maybe you could talk to me about. . .
00:54:40. . . lilies.
00:54:41Lilies?
00:54:43I'm a sucker for lilies.
00:54:45Thanks for the tip.
00:54:47Good night.
00:54:50My, oh, my.
00:54:52-Lover-boy. -Yes, sir.
00:54:55You don't have to rush off. Stick around.
00:54:58You've earned yourself a couple beers.
00:55:01So what'll you do when you finish the boat?
00:55:03Actually, I'm going on a trip soon. . .
00:55:05. . .to study undersea Pacific walrus behaviours.
00:55:08Sounds kind of fruity.
00:55:09-Thank you. -How long is it gonna take?
00:55:12About a year.
00:55:13Guess you won't miss days like this.
00:55:16Well, maybe days like this don't have to be so bad.
00:55:19What are you trying to say?
00:55:22When you guys tell her. . .
00:55:23. . .she's not just finding out about the accident.
00:55:26She's finding out that her life is basically a setup.
00:55:29I think that freaks her out the most.
00:55:32-You're an expert now? -No.
00:55:33I'm saying I wish there was another way besides:
00:55:36"Sorry we couldn't trick you today. Here's pictures of your broken head."
00:55:40-You want a broken head? -You'll give him one?
00:55:42No, Daddy, I thought you was gonna do it.
00:55:45Nobody's gotta break my head. I'm gonna split anyways.
00:55:48Oh, don't go just because my son is psychotic.
00:55:50Good night. Sweet dreams. Keep them dry there, Doug.
00:55:54Very funny.
00:56:17-Excuse me. Lucy Whitmore? -Yes?
00:56:20I have a delivery for you.
00:56:23-A delivery for me? -Yes.
00:56:27Oh, they're beautiful.
00:56:30-Who are they from? -That I can't tell you.
00:56:33It's a secret admirer. He also wants you to have this.
00:56:37-Who's your friend, Lucy? -Oh, well, I mean, I don't know.
00:56:40We just met, but look.
00:56:43I have a secret admirer.
00:56:45Oh, really? What's this?
00:56:48It's a videotape.
00:56:50A videotape of what?
00:56:51I have no idea.
00:56:54But I have to find out.
00:56:57Happy birthday, Daddy.
00:56:58-Thank you, sweetie. -That's right. Happy birthday, sir.
00:57:02-What are you, 200 today? -That's cute.
00:57:04-What are you doing? -I wanted to try something different.
00:57:07If it doesn't work, we've only wasted one day.
00:57:29Martha Stewart faced charges--
00:57:33Oh, God!
00:58:16Okay, l think it's on. Go. Go.
00:58:18Aloha! l'm Henry Roth.
00:58:20We met here at the Hukilau CafĂŠ about a year after your accident.
00:58:26l like you and you like me, most days.
00:58:30Every day is different, but basically this is what happens, Lucy.
00:58:33KikikoIoko, take the camera.
00:58:35-l got it. -Don't drop it.
00:58:36Okay, all right. Here we are, right here.
00:58:38The part of you in this re-enactment...
00:58:41...will be played by my good friend, Ula.
00:58:44Aloha. Sorry about your brain.
00:58:47l had a accident too.
00:58:49Believe it or not, this my good eye.
00:58:53-We ready? -Yeah.
00:58:54Hi. l like that waffle tepee that you have built.
00:58:58Oh! So nice of you to notice. PIease, sit dohn.
00:59:02l would love to.
00:59:05My name is Henry, by the way.
00:59:07My name is Lucy.
00:59:09Smell my fingers?
00:59:12Fish. Right on.
00:59:14So, Lucy, l work at an aquarium.
00:59:17Aquariums make me super horny.
00:59:20That's not funny. Don't rub those.
00:59:23Sorry, Mr. Whitmore, if you're watching.
00:59:25lt's very late, and my friend's unstable.
00:59:27Come on, stop with the licking! You're making me sick.
00:59:30Lucy, l'm sorry.
00:59:32Anyways, l know you wish l was making all this stuff up.
00:59:37l wish l was too.
00:59:40But the good news is...
00:59:42...so many people out there care about you:
00:59:44Your dad and Doug and a couple of your friends here at the Hukilau...
00:59:48...who have a message for you.
00:59:50Lucy, as you know, your mother and l were best friends.
00:59:55That's why l promised her that l would always help look after you.
01:00:00Sometimes life isn't very fair...
01:00:05...but we still have you.
01:00:09Oh, and if you're wondering about this guy who's making this tape...
01:00:13...he's okay.
01:00:16Hey, Lucy. Just so you know, since you lost your memory...
01:00:20...l became governor of Hawaii.
01:00:23No, just kidding. l'm too smart.
01:00:28Kualaliku! Get your brother off the dishwasher!
01:00:33So whenever you're ready, we'd all love to talk to you...
01:00:36...and answer any questions you have...
01:00:38...and you're the best, Lucy. Aloha.
01:00:56How many times have I watched this?
01:00:59This is the first time.
01:01:05Okay, she cried for about an hour. That's not too bad.
01:01:08I bet in another hour she'll be ready to see her friends, have lunch. . .
01:01:12. . .get her life back.
01:01:13We could do this every day.
01:01:18We'll leave it up to her.
01:01:20All right.
01:01:25So how's the cow?
01:01:27Same as you. Every day they have to convince her she's a cow.
01:01:35Wow, look. The bark is healing.
01:01:38You're gonna get there.
01:01:41I never hung out with you in the afternoon like this.
01:01:43In this lighting, man, oh, man, you look. . .
01:01:46. . .disgusting.
01:01:49Yeah.
01:01:51I don't know how you get me to fall for that egg-shaped head every morning.
01:01:56All I have to do is slide on my designer jeans. . .
01:01:59. . .and just kind of wiggle in front of you. You go nuts.
01:02:04Why couldn't I have met you one day before the accident?
01:02:08Don't worry, because if you hung out with me for more than one day. . .
01:02:11. . .you'd realize I'm a bore.
01:02:14-Oh, well, I have news for you. -Yes?
01:02:16It takes less than one day.
01:02:18You know something? That hurt.
01:02:20Your damaged temporal lobe is causing me pain. . .
01:02:23. . .and I'm gonna get you for that.
01:02:27Now you're dead !
01:02:47-I can't believe you're pregnant. -I know.
01:02:51-And I got her on the first try. -Yeah. Easy.
01:02:54And, Tammy, you are so thin.
01:02:56Thanks, Luce.
01:02:57And I'm so glad you finally got. . .
01:02:59. . .that gender-reassignment surgery, Jennifer. I mean, Jonathan.
01:03:03Mahalo.
01:03:05-Here you go, Lucy. -Thank you.
01:03:07-You're welcome. -You must be Lucy's friend.
01:03:09-The one who made the tape. -I think he's more than my friend.
01:03:13-You're my boyfriend, right? -Yes, ma'am.
01:03:15So every day you help her to realize what happened. . .
01:03:18. . .and you wait patiently for her to be okay with it. . .
01:03:21. . .then get her to fall in love with you again?
01:03:24Yes, ma'am.
01:03:26You asshole!
01:03:28You don't even open the fricking car door for me anymore.
01:03:32You're in trouble.
01:03:34I gotta go tinkle.
01:03:40Okay, so tell me a little bit more about yourself.
01:03:44Okay. Well, I've. . .
01:03:46. . .won over seven all-you-can-eat chicken-wing contests.
01:03:49-Really? -Yes.
01:03:52And I'm a ballet dancer, but only in my bathroom.
01:03:55No, what do you want to know?
01:03:59Do you love me?
01:04:04I didn't mean to put you on the spot.
01:04:06I was just asking more for informational purposes.
01:04:09It's to keep the video as up-to-date as possible.
01:04:12Sure.
01:04:14Well, love is a very loaded word.
01:04:21Let's see. I. . . .
01:04:23I go to this restaurant every morning, and I see you there, reading.
01:04:29And. . . .
01:04:33I love you very much.
01:04:36Probably more than anybody could love another person.
01:04:43And how do I feel about you?
01:04:47You're excited about the chicken-wing thing.
01:04:50And. . .
01:04:52. . .you've been dying to make out with me for some time now.
01:05:07Feeling better now?
01:05:08Nothing beats a first kiss.
01:05:19There's nothing like a first kiss.
01:05:45Nothing beats a first kiss.
01:05:47That's what I've heard.
01:05:54Nothing beats a first--
01:06:07What are you doing?
01:06:09Nothing. I was just getting some lint off for you.
01:06:12You were going for a feelski !
01:06:14All right, I'm sorry, but this is like the 23rd time we've made out already. . .
01:06:19. . .and they're getting blue.
01:06:21I know. I know.
01:06:23I mean, I really don't know.
01:06:27For me, it still feels like the first time.
01:06:30Okay, let's average it out then.
01:06:32It's the 23rd time for me and the first time for you.
01:06:35-That's about our 1 2th time. -Yeah?
01:06:37Now, Hawaiian law clearly states after the 1 2th date. . .
01:06:40. . . I'm entitled to unlimited boob access.
01:06:44Why didn't I meet you one day before the accident?
01:06:50You say that all the time.
01:06:52You want to meet a friend of mine?
01:06:58All right.
01:07:01Jocko, this is Lucy. Lucy, this is Jocko.
01:07:05Wow! Thank you. Nice to meet you.
01:07:10He is awesome! He is so smart.
01:07:12Check this out. Jocko, what does the teapot do when the water's ready?
01:07:20-Very good. -Can I ask him a question?
01:07:22Go ahead.
01:07:24Jocko. . .
01:07:26. . .do you think that Henry and I are ready to take our relationship. . .
01:07:30. . .to the next level?
01:07:33You sure about that?
01:07:36Do you think I should bring him into the other room. . .
01:07:39. . .and take advantage of him?
01:07:47I saw that hand gesture.
01:07:49-And I'm glad you did it. -Really?
01:08:03-Use that. -Oh, wow. Look!
01:08:05-Yeah. -They're--
01:08:07They're nodding in approval, I hope.
01:08:10They like you. Let me get them out of there.
01:08:12Mary-Kate, Ashley, get a life. Thank you. Sorry.
01:08:15-Oh, they're very nice, though. -Yeah, so are you.
01:08:19Let me get you down slow.
01:08:21-Thank you. -My pleasure.
01:08:46All right, I just wrote this, so go easy on me.
01:08:51The Hukilau was the place
01:08:55Where l first saw your face
01:09:00We liked each other right away
01:09:04But you didn't remember me The very next day
01:09:10Forgetful Lucy
01:09:14Has got a nice caboose-y
01:09:19l used to trick you into pulling Your car over so we could chat
01:09:23But my favourite time was when you Beat the shit out of Ula with a bat
01:09:28And we drove up to see Dr. Keats
01:09:32And found out why Doug always Has to change his sheets
01:09:38Forgetful Lucy
01:09:41Cracked her head like Gary Busey
01:09:46But l still love her so
01:09:50And l'll never let her go
01:09:55Even if while l'm singing this song
01:09:59She's wishing l had Jocko the Walrus' schlong
01:10:04Forgetful Lucy
01:10:09Her lips are so damn juicy
01:10:13How about another first kiss
01:10:28Can't fall asleep.
01:10:31I'm not sleeping.
01:10:33I'm just closing my eyes.
01:10:36Well, I'm gonna go downstairs then.
01:10:38No, no. I'm just resting.
01:10:44Lucy.
01:10:46Yeah.
01:10:48Will you marry me?
01:10:57-Of course. -Good.
01:11:01Don't forget about me.
01:11:05Never.
01:11:24Good morning.
01:11:32Oh, shit!
01:11:33-Help! Help! -Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lucy.
01:11:36Lucy! Lucy! Hey, hey, hey.
01:11:39I know this is hard for you to understand. . .
01:11:41. . . but we are actually seeing each other.
01:11:43We have been for a while now.
01:11:45Oh ! Lucy! Lucy! Lucy!
01:11:47If I was lying, how would I know this?
01:11:49You're an art teacher and you go to the Hukilau every Sunday. . .
01:11:53. . .and you make waffle houses and you like Casablanca lilies.
01:11:56-Stalker! -No, don't you remember me a little?
01:12:07I may not be able to kick your ass, but my sister can.
01:12:10Thanks, buddy.
01:12:11Little Sammy Sosa's a bit shook up, but she'll be okay.
01:12:14She's watching the tape as we speak.
01:12:16How's my temporal lobe looking there, doc?
01:12:19Don't worry. You're not gonna suffer any short-term memory loss.
01:12:22But was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?
01:12:25Don't make fun of Henry. It's not his fault it's shaped like that.
01:12:29Note the intense overreaction. That's the "roids" talking.
01:12:32-Doug, once again, off the juice. -It's not juice.
01:12:36It's a protein shake.
01:12:38Henry, the boys tell me you're setting sail for Alaska to study walruses.
01:12:42-When does that adventure begin? -That actually began. . .
01:12:45. . .ten years ago. That's when I started planning and building my boat.
01:12:50All I know is, out of all mammals, they have the second-largest penis.
01:12:55I have the first.
01:12:59That's my joke.
01:13:00Did you tell Lucy about this trip?
01:13:03Well. . .
01:13:04. . .actually, there's nothing to tell because I decided not to go.
01:13:08I mean, Lucy needs me here.
01:13:10I'm just worried about going away for a year. . .
01:13:14. . .and ruining all the progress she's made.
01:13:16I know you think I'm crazy. . .
01:13:18. . . but I think deep down inside. . .
01:13:20-. . .she's starting to remember me. -No, Henry.
01:13:24That's what you want to believe. It's what we all want to believe.
01:13:28But it's never gonna happen.
01:13:34Okay. I gotta go to work.
01:13:36Will you tell her I'll be back later to pick her up?
01:13:39See you, guys. Don't tell anyone your sister beat me up.
01:13:43He could go to the moon and back and Lucy would never even know he left.
01:13:47Sometimes I wish my wife had Goldfield Syndrome.
01:13:51That way she wouldn't remember when I called her mother. . .
01:13:54. . .a loud, obnoxious drunk with a face like J. Edgar Hoover's ass.
01:14:00All right. There's your medicine, little fellow.
01:14:04Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool !
01:14:07If that's one of your special brownies, don't let any of the dolphins eat that.
01:14:11How do you think I get them to double flip and play with white kids?
01:14:18Okay, Willie, that's it.
01:14:20This time try to stay clean for more than a day.
01:14:23I made you a nice anchovy sundae.
01:14:25Okay, enjoy that.
01:14:27Henry?
01:14:30-Hey! -How's your head?
01:14:32-Oh, it's fine. Don't worry. -Good.
01:14:35What brings your royal cuteness out here?
01:14:37I needed to see you.
01:14:39Okay. What you got there?
01:14:41It's my journal. I write in it every night.
01:14:44-Oh, you don't like the video? -No, I love it.
01:14:47It's just sometimes when I watch it, I feel like I'm being told about my life. . .
01:14:52. . .from someone else. And when I read this. . .
01:14:54. . . it's like I'm telling myself.
01:14:57When did you start this up?
01:14:59Right after you gave me the video.
01:15:02-Really? -I was so nervous to come here. . .
01:15:04. . .and meet the guy that makes me fall in love with him every day.
01:15:08Well, you probably thought I couldn't live up to the hype.
01:15:11No. I was nervous because. . . .
01:15:17Because I came here to break up with you.
01:15:20You had plans and a life. . .
01:15:25. . . before you met me and now all you have time for. . .
01:15:28. . . is to make me fall in love with you.
01:15:30That's not all I do. I gave a penguin a bath today.
01:15:36Which I'll have to do again tomorrow.
01:15:38I look at my dad and my brother's lives and I won't do that to you.
01:15:43What do you want me to do? Be some chapter in your scrapbook and go?
01:15:48No.
01:15:50My plan is to erase you completely, so it's as if you never existed.
01:15:59Why are you doing this?
01:16:02Because you have to understand that there is no future with me.
01:16:06Don't you want to have a career and marriage and children?
01:16:11I asked you to marry me. You said yes.
01:16:14Kids? Yeah, I'd love to do it.
01:16:17But how is that going to work?
01:16:20I'm gonna wake up every morning with an enormous belly and no memory. . .
01:16:24. . .of how it happened?
01:16:27I have to make a new journal that doesn't have you in it.
01:16:31But before I do. . .
01:16:33. . . I really want you to read what I wrote about you.
01:16:35I will read about it tomorrow. . .
01:16:38. . .when you forget about all this breaking up stuff, okay?
01:16:41I'm not going to forget it. I wrote it down. I won't let myself.
01:16:45And I'm gonna do it whether you want me to or not.
01:16:48I'll be at my house.
01:16:59Okay, type this one in there.
01:17:01Saturday, November 25th.
01:17:03I drove out to Callahan Institute today and had a talk with Dr. Keats.
01:17:09There's one about me.
01:17:11Reminder: He makes funny noises when I kiss his neck.
01:17:16I'm gonna miss that.
01:17:18You sure you don't want me to put that in?
01:17:28-We can skip that one. -No, let me read it.
01:17:31We made love tonight! It didn't last long, but it was incredible.
01:17:38It's not all about how long you go. It's-- There was a connection, I thought.
01:17:43Actually, let's just rip that out.
01:18:08Well, that's that.
01:18:18Henry, wait!
01:18:26Could I have one last first kiss?
01:19:41-I ain't gonna do this, Marlin. -You have to, Henry.
01:20:18I'm gonna miss you, but I gotta get the hell off this island.
01:20:22I'm sorry I can't take you. . .
01:20:23. . . but you've lived here so long you're too big of a pansy to defend yourself.
01:20:29I don't feel bad for you. I know you got a thing going on with Candace.
01:20:36Candace and Bernice?
01:20:40Candace, Bernice and Rose?
01:20:44Yeah. I fell for one chick and I'm losing my mind. Good luck with that.
01:20:48Okay, baby.
01:20:50I love you.
01:20:52Thanks, buddy. Remember to use a condom.
01:20:55Or in your case, a Hefty bag.
01:21:07Well. . . .
01:21:09Okay, you guys. Thanks for coming to say goodbye.
01:21:12Be careful.
01:21:14You make sure your father doesn't get eaten by a shark.
01:21:24Thank you, buddy. What does that mean again?
01:21:27Bring me back a T-shirt.
01:21:29Oh, okay. You got it.
01:21:32Come here. All right. Love you guys.
01:21:35My shirt size is medium husky.
01:21:40Hey! Kikikuloa!
01:21:43No flippies off the dock! You could get hurt!
01:21:48No! All right. Let the master show you how to get it done.
01:22:01Now you kids go down there and find my nuts.
01:22:06Sure you don't want to take Doug?
01:22:08Hey! What the heck are you guys doing here?
01:22:11I spoke to the harbourmaster and he said you were setting sail today. . .
01:22:16. . .so we thought we'd wish you bon voyage.
01:22:19This is from Nick and Sue. They send their best wishes.
01:22:22That's very nice. Spam and Reese's. All right.
01:22:26I love Spam and Reese's. Can I have it?
01:22:28I guess.
01:22:31-Doug ! -That's all right.
01:22:33-I'm sorry. -So. . .
01:22:37. . . how's Lucy?
01:22:39Actually, she's living at the institute.
01:22:43-When did that happen? -Three weeks ago.
01:22:47Said she didn't want to be a burden to me and Doug anymore. I don't know.
01:22:50I couldn't talk her out of it. You know what?
01:22:53She's doing really great up there.
01:22:55She's teaching an art class and she gets to paint every day.
01:22:59In fact, she's even singing again.
01:23:01Hey, look, I got a little gift for you too.
01:23:03It's just a little something from one sailor to another one.
01:23:09You take care of yourself out there.
01:23:11-I will. -Okay.
01:23:22Henry did not tell me about you.
01:23:25Your fisherman muscles.
01:23:28Can I touch?
01:23:30Sure.
01:23:37Yes.
01:23:47The Beach Boys?
01:23:48How nice of him to give me a CD that will remind me. . .
01:23:51. . .of all the wonderful times I shared with his daughter.
01:23:55What an asshole!
01:24:16Oh, why?
01:24:19Why would you do this to me?
01:24:21You sick bastard !
01:24:28Oh, my God.
01:24:30Is he trying to tell me something?
01:24:37She only sings on days she meets you.
01:24:42She remembers me?
01:24:44Holy shit!
01:24:47She remembers me!
01:24:55Julia, that looks great.
01:24:57Excuse me. What am I doing?
01:24:59You're painting a picture. And you're doing an excellent job.
01:25:03Oh.
01:25:06Holy crap! I suck.
01:25:18Hey, hey, hey.
01:25:19-Can we help you, sir? -Yes. I have an appointment.
01:25:22-What's your name? -My name?
01:25:28Dude, he forgot his name. I feel bad for him.
01:25:31Just go on up. And good luck with that memory problem.
01:25:34Yeah. Thank you.
01:25:38What?
01:25:40Lucy!
01:25:44-Hi, I'm Tom. -Hey, I met you before. I'm Henry.
01:25:47Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for Lucy Whitmore.
01:25:50Any idea where I can find her?
01:25:52Hi, I'm Tom.
01:25:53Oh. Thanks anyways.
01:25:57Lucy!
01:26:05Lucy Whitmore. . .
01:26:08. . .can I ask you a question?
01:26:13Do you have any idea who I am?
01:26:21-No. -No?
01:26:26That sucks.
01:26:30-What's your name? -I'm Henry.
01:26:33Henry.
01:26:36I want to show you something. Will you come with me?
01:26:40Well, yeah.
01:26:43Hey. Do you know who that guy is?
01:26:45Dude, I don't even know who I am.
01:26:47Oh, well, you're Pablo Picasso.
01:26:50-Really? -No. Not really.
01:26:57This is my studio.
01:27:19I don't know who you are, Henry. . .
01:27:23. . . but I dream about you almost every night.
01:27:30Why?
01:27:32What would you say if I told you that notebook you read every day. . .
01:27:36. . . used to have a lot of stuff about me in it?
01:27:41I would say that that makes a lot of sense.
01:27:44You erased me from your memories. . .
01:27:46. . . because you thought you were holding me back from having. . .
01:27:49. . .a full and happy life.
01:27:51But you made a mistake.
01:27:54Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life.
01:27:59You're the girl of my dreams. . .
01:28:01. . .and apparently I'm the man of yours.
01:28:10Henry.
01:28:12It's nice to meet you.
01:28:14Lucy, it's nice to meet you too.
01:28:21Hi, I'm Tom.
01:28:23Henry, Lucy. Nice to meet you, Tom.
01:28:26Now why don't you come back in ten seconds so we can meet again?
01:29:15Do you, Honah Lee, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife...
01:29:18. . .to have and to hold from this day forth...
01:29:21...as long as you both shall live?
01:29:24-l do. -Really?
01:29:26Even though in, like, 1 0, 1 5 years...
01:29:28...she could possibly let herself go and then, like...
01:29:31...sex couId be, Iike, nauseating for you?
01:29:34What are you, nuts? Your wife's right over there.
01:29:38l'm just kidding, Muumuu!
01:29:40l now pronounce you man and wife.
01:29:48Mazel tov!
01:29:52lt's very cold, so when you're ready...
01:29:54...put on a jacket and come have breakfast with me. Love you.
01:30:30Hey, hey! Good morning, Mrs. Roth. Would you like to meet your daughter?
01:30:35Go say hello to Mommy.
01:30:38Hi, Mommy.
01:30:43That's right.
01:30:46Good morning.
01:30:49Oh, my goodness!
01:30:52-Grandpa's here. -Hi, Dad.

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