Liar Liar

00:01:00W - O - R - K!
00:01:00Work.
00:01:03Today we're going to share what our parents do for...
00:01:07Work!
00:01:10My Mummy is a doctor.
00:01:12My daddy is a truck driver.
00:01:14My Mum's a teacher.
00:01:16And your dad?
00:01:17Mmm... My dad...
00:01:21He's... a liar.
00:01:24A liar? Oh, I- I'm sure you don't mean a liar.
00:01:29Well, he wears a suit and goes to court and talks to the judge.
00:01:33Oh! I see.
00:01:36You mean he's a lawyer.
00:01:44Hey, Fletcher. How'd it go?
00:01:46Just another victory for the wrongly accused.
00:01:49Yeah, right.
00:01:50Mr. Reede, great job. Do you want your coat back?
00:01:53No, I'm sure you'll be needing it again and again.
00:01:55Do you have a Mument?
00:01:56I'm late. It's my day to be with my son.
00:01:59A couple of reporters want to talk about your big win.
00:02:02Yeah? How's my hair?
00:02:04Fabulous. You look great.
00:02:21What time is it?
00:02:23I am sure your dad just got held up in court again.
00:02:33Dad!
00:02:35Maximilian!
00:02:40Hey, how you doing, creep?
00:02:43Good.
00:02:46Me too, except my arm has been bothering me.
00:02:50Oh, no, Dad!
00:02:51Oh, yeah.
00:02:53It's becoming a claw!
00:02:59Nothing can stop the claw!
00:03:05Run, boy, run! Save yourself!
00:03:09Do the claw to Mum! Do the claw to Mum!
00:03:12You found the claw's only weakness.
00:03:15Subzero temperatures!
00:03:20So, did you have any trouble finding the place?
00:03:23Okay, I'm late. I'm sorry. I ran out of gas.
00:03:26The gauge is broken. Rough neighborhood too.
00:03:30Good thing I was wearing neutral gang colors.
00:03:33I might have had to pull out my nine and bust a cap.
00:03:35With my mind on my money and my money on my mind
00:03:38They would never hurt you, Fletcher. You're their lawyer.
00:03:42That was below the belt. Keep the gloves up.
00:03:45Mum, Dad's taking me to see wrestling!
00:03:48Oh, Fletcher!
00:03:49Oh, Audrey!
00:03:51Why do you have to take him to see that stuff? It's very violent.
00:03:54The boy must grow to be a warrior.
00:03:58Who better to guide him than Rick Rude
00:04:00and Randy "Macho Man" Savage in the cage of death?
00:04:06Oh, good!
00:04:08Jerry, how's it going?
00:04:10Hey, gipper!
00:04:12You look like you grow by the minute!
00:04:15Fletcher, pleasure to see you.
00:04:17Hi, honey! Hi.
00:04:20Wow. That was a nice image. Deleted.
00:04:25I have some more boxes for you.
00:04:27Oh, you're an angel.
00:04:28Boxes?
00:04:29Remember, I told you a few weeks ago, Jerry's moving to Boston.
00:04:33Oh, right! The job, the thing. What do you do again?
00:04:38Hospital administrator.
00:04:39Right, right!
00:04:40Well, the boxes are in my car.
00:04:42Oh, those can wait.
00:04:44I made this young man a promise, didn't I?
00:04:48Got time to throw a few?
00:04:49Sure!
00:04:50Come on, then!
00:04:53I forgot the boyfriend was moving. Jerry!
00:04:55His name is Jerry! And yes, he's moving.
00:04:58I'm sorry. I hated him less than your other boyfriends.
00:05:01It wasn't serious, was it?
00:05:03Semi-serious, yes.
00:05:05You guys aren't... You know...
00:05:12I have been dating him for seven months.
00:05:14What do you think?
00:05:15Really?
00:05:17I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no strength left.
00:05:19Remember, when we were married,
00:05:21I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.
00:05:24Ouch! And the ref takes a point away.
00:05:28Out!
00:05:30Max is gonna miss him.
00:05:33I'll be here.
00:05:35Ready? Yeah! Play ball.
00:05:39Max, come on. We've gotta go.
00:05:42Dad, are we really going to wrestling?
00:05:44Absolutely, Max Factor.
00:05:46We just have to stop by the office for one minute.
00:05:48Excuse me, sir. Any spare change?
00:05:50Oh, I'm sorry. I'm all out.
00:05:53I can't do it.
00:05:55Fred, it's your duty to present the strongest case possible.
00:05:59The strongest case possible consistent with the truth.
00:06:02Will you let the judge decide what's true?
00:06:04That's what he gets paid for. You get paid to win.
00:06:07If you insist that I take it to trial,
00:06:10I will represent Mrs. Cole aggressively and ethically.
00:06:14But Miranda, I won't lie.
00:06:18Then we'll just have to find someone who will.
00:06:23Twenty-first floor. Men's wear.
00:06:30Hi, Mr. Reede!
00:06:32Hey. Did you do something to your hair?
00:06:37It's a bit extreme, isn't it?
00:06:38No! That's the thing nowadays, right?
00:06:42He said it would accent my facial features.
00:06:45That's what it does!
00:06:46It completely accents your facial features.
00:06:49We're just gonna go to my office...
00:06:55Hey, Fletcher.
00:06:56Hey, Pete.
00:06:57You losing a little weight?
00:06:59I don't know. Maybe.
00:07:00Looks and personality. A double-threat guy.
00:07:03Hey, Mr. Reede. Hey... man.
00:07:05It's, uh, Randy.
00:07:06Yeah, I know.
00:07:07Taking lunch orders. Anything?
00:07:10No, thanks.
00:07:12I had so much for breakfast, I'm ready to pop.
00:07:16I mean, I'm full.
00:07:18Okay. Great.
00:07:24Max!
00:07:26Hi, Greta.
00:07:27Hey, what's new?
00:07:29It's my birthday tomorrow, and we're having a party.
00:07:32Wow! I am sure your daddy has got you something wonderful.
00:07:36Yeah?
00:07:37Yeah, you bet! Listen, kiddo.
00:07:41Why don't you play in my office for a minute.
00:07:43Sue somebody for everything they've got.
00:07:46Maybe you can send a fax to one of your girlfriends. Hey, sorry.
00:07:51Damn it! I completely forgot.
00:07:53Oh, what a surprise.
00:07:56You are a saint. I should buy you a gift.
00:07:59You did.
00:08:00I always do the classy thing. Any calls?
00:08:02Judge Rawlings' clerk needs your filing.
00:08:04Tell him it's in the mail.
00:08:06Right. You'll do it next week.
00:08:07Mr. McKinley phoned to confirm your meeting tomorrow.
00:08:11Strep throat. Some kind of virus. What's going around?
00:08:14Asian flu?
00:08:15Good one.
00:08:16And your mother called.
00:08:18I'm on vacation.
00:08:19It's your fifth week.
00:08:20Snowed in. Phones are down.
00:08:21Break mother's heart. Done. That's it.
00:08:24Except Miranda's looking for you.
00:08:27How much ass do I have to kiss to make partner?
00:08:31Tell her I broke my leg and I had to be shot.
00:08:34Tell her yourself.
00:08:37And then send out a notice of judgment on my win today!
00:08:40I'll get right on it.
00:08:42Miranda! Hey, I didn't see you.
00:08:46You look beautiful today.
00:08:48Here! I bought you a gift.
00:08:51Oh, thanks. I heard about your victory. Congratulations.
00:08:55You're making quite an impression on the partnership committee.
00:08:59That's right! You folks are meeting soon.
00:09:03I've been so busy, I haven't even thought about it.
00:09:09Anyway. I have a client in my office.
00:09:11Better not keep him waiting.
00:09:13Actually, something rather important's just come up.
00:09:17You're not busy tonight, are you?
00:09:27We're not going, are we?
00:09:43Audrey. You know how there are Muments you know are critical? Mmm-hmm.
00:09:48And choices that have to be made
00:09:50upon which all one's future happiness will depend?
00:09:52Mmm-hmm.
00:09:54This is one of those Muments.
00:09:57What are you trying to say?
00:10:01Will you marry me?
00:10:07You're moving.
00:10:08I know, but I want you and Max to come with me.
00:10:11Audrey, I've been giving this a lot of thought.
00:10:13You know I'm not prone to wild flights of romantic fancy.
00:10:17But the thought of you and I togetherjust makes sense.
00:10:21Now I'm ready. I think you're ready. I love Max.
00:10:24You love Max. It's right. It fits.
00:10:27So what do you say?
00:10:47Hey, creepy. Happy birthday.
00:10:51How old are you now, 22 or 23?
00:10:53I'm five, Dad.
00:10:54Okay.
00:10:57Return the beer keg.
00:10:59Cancel the dancing girls.
00:11:04I don't know what I'm gonna do.
00:11:05I feel completely unprepared for this.
00:11:08You see, I bought you a present, but last night
00:11:12I accidentally swallowed it.
00:11:14Dad, it's in your belly!
00:11:16Scalpel.
00:11:18I hope it's not partially digested!
00:11:20Look out!
00:11:22Cool! What is it? Cool!
00:11:26It's... It's a surprise.
00:11:29All right, it's a pony. Just open it!
00:11:32I'm gonna help, 'cause I can't stand it!
00:11:37Baseball stuff!
00:11:41Cool! Can we play?
00:11:43I'll be Nomo. You can be Jose Canseco. Can we play?
00:11:47Absolutely.
00:11:49Yeah!
00:11:51Right after your party tonight, we'll do it.
00:11:54You and me.
00:11:56I just have to really concentrate on this right now.
00:12:23Hi!
00:12:25Hey! Happy birthday.
00:12:28Thanks, Mum.
00:12:30Happy birthday, Max!
00:12:32One, two, three, four, five. And one for good luck!
00:12:37He struck the child. Did you see that?
00:12:39Look at what Dad got me!
00:12:41Whoa! Great!
00:12:43Hey, I have my glove in the car.
00:12:46Maybe we can stop at the park on the way home and play catch.
00:12:49Then tonight we can rub oil in it and wrap a big rubber band around it.
00:12:53It'll be great. Hey, great gift, Dad!
00:12:56Thanks, son. I'm so glad my gift could bring those two together.
00:13:00My plan to phase myself out is almost complete.
00:13:04Something's come up, and we need to talk.
00:13:07Come on, Mum. I want to go play!
00:13:09And actually it's kind of important, so maybe we could talk tonight?
00:13:12Tonight?
00:13:13Yes.
00:13:15Max's birthday party.
00:13:16Oh! Yeah.
00:13:17Sure. Of course. We'll talk then. Great!
00:13:23Maximus! I'm outta here.
00:13:24Bye, Dad.
00:13:25Jerry, enjoy my wife.
00:13:44Well, this is good.
00:13:47This is really smart.
00:13:49Thank you. Only...
00:13:51Well, it's not true. Does that present a problem?
00:13:57Mrs. Cole, the only problem here
00:13:59is that after you've provided years of faithful service and loving support,
00:14:03of raising his children, they are his?
00:14:05Huh? Oh. Yeah, yeah. One for sure.
00:14:11After all that, your husband wants to deny you
00:14:13a fair share of the assets based on one act of indiscretion.
00:14:17Seven. Pardon me?
00:14:19Seven single acts of indiscretion.
00:14:23Seven acts of indiscretion, only one of which he has any evidence of
00:14:27and all of which he himself is responsible for.
00:14:31He is?
00:14:33Mrs. Cole.
00:14:34You're the victim here. The wife of a cold, distant workaholic.
00:14:38Starved for affection, driven into the arms of another man!
00:14:41Seven. Yeah, whatever!
00:14:43You're not trying to deny him what is rightfully his.
00:14:46All you're insisting on is what is rightfully yours.
00:14:48Yeah. And maybe a... fraction more.
00:14:52I think you're bending over backwards.
00:14:55Yeah. I did offer to give him joint custody of the kids.
00:15:00He is, after all, a wonderful father.
00:15:03And how does he repay you?
00:15:06By dragging you through a painful litigation process!
00:15:09No, no, no, no! This can't happen!
00:15:12With all due respect, this isn't about you and Mr. Cole anymore.
00:15:16This is about all women.
00:15:18Where would Tina Turner be right now if she'd rolled over and said,
00:15:21"Hit me again, Ike, and put some stank on it?"
00:15:25Rolling on the river, that's where she'd be.
00:15:27But she's beyond Thunderdome, because she decided to send a message.
00:15:31Wake up, sisters! There's no
00:15:36such thing as a weaker sex!
00:15:42You know what?
00:15:44You're right, Mr. Reede. I am tired of getting kicked around!
00:15:48Good for you!
00:15:51Thank you. I am so grateful
00:15:55to have an attorney I can trust.
00:16:05Oh, you are good.
00:16:07You are very, very good.
00:16:12The Cole case is worth a truckload of money to this firm.
00:16:16If you win, I guarantee you'll make partner.
00:16:21In fact, how would you like to make
00:16:26a partner right now?
00:16:29Oh, I don't know. I should...
00:16:38Happy, happy, happy happy, happy, happy
00:16:42Happy I'm so happy today
00:16:46I live in the USA
00:16:48So honey?
00:16:49Have you thought about...
00:16:52You know, what we talked about?
00:16:54Yeah. I can't go.
00:16:57What? Why not?
00:16:59Because of Max.
00:17:00But he'll love it there.
00:17:02I'm gonna take him to Fenway Park.
00:17:04There's hiking and camping...
00:17:07Well, really, it's... Fletcher.
00:17:11Fletcher? Come on, honey.
00:17:13He wouldn't even come over unless you reminded him.
00:17:15I know, but when he does come over, Max is so happy.
00:17:18It's like they have their own little world together.
00:17:21The gipper and I have that too!
00:17:22I know, but it's different.
00:17:25How?
00:17:26Well...
00:17:28He does the claw.
00:17:31The what?
00:17:32The claw.
00:17:33You know, it's like this...
00:17:36I don't...
00:17:39Run for you life. It's the claw! The claw!
00:17:48I can't really do it that good. That's not the point.
00:17:51The point is
00:17:53if they're 3,000 miles apart, they're never gonna see each other.
00:17:56Fletcher's never gonna come to Boston.
00:18:00Hello. Audrey?
00:18:02Fletcher! Where are you?
00:18:04We're waiting. Max won't cut the cake until you get here.
00:18:08Oh, man!
00:18:10Actually, something has come up. I've...
00:18:13I've got this problem on a new case.
00:18:15What happened? Nothing!
00:18:17I stubbed my toe on the desk!
00:18:19I'm really sorry, but I just can't make it.
00:18:23The boss is, uh, really riding me.
00:18:27Fletcher, it's his birthday!
00:18:29I know, I know.
00:18:31I'll make it up to him, I promise.
00:18:33I'll pick him up from school tomorrow, okay?
00:18:35You're gonna pick him up?
00:18:36Yes!
00:18:37All right, hold on a minute. You can say happy birthday.
00:18:40No! Gotta go! Goodbye.
00:18:45Hello.
00:18:46Happy birthday to you
00:18:50Happy birthday, dear Max
00:18:55Happy birthday to you
00:19:02Okay, birthday boy. Make a wish.
00:19:08Come on, Max. It can be anything you want.
00:19:11Anything in the whole world.
00:19:28Max.
00:19:31Your father is sorry. He had to work.
00:19:34He said he was gonna be here. He promised.
00:19:37I know, but he promises that he is gonna see you tomorrow.
00:19:41Okay? He's gonna pick you up from school. All right?
00:19:48So come on. Make a wish.
00:20:05I wish that for only one day Dad couldn't tell a lie.
00:20:36That was incredible.
00:20:41Was it good for you?
00:20:44I've had better.
00:20:54"I've had better"?
00:20:59"I've had better"?
00:21:06"I've had better"?
00:21:32Hi. Hi.
00:21:34New in the building?
00:21:36Yeah, I just moved in Monday.
00:21:37Oh! You like it so far?
00:21:40Mmm-hmm. Everybody's been real nice.
00:21:42Well, that's because you have big jugs.
00:21:45I mean, your boobs are huge.
00:21:47I mean, I wanna squeeze them.
00:21:52Mama.
00:22:05Any change, mister?
00:22:07Absolutely.
00:22:08Could you spare some?
00:22:09Yes, I could.
00:22:10Will you? How come?
00:22:13Because I believe you will buy booze with it!
00:22:15I just wanna get to the office
00:22:17without being confronted by the decay of Western society!
00:22:20Plus, I'm cheap!
00:22:24Jerk-off!
00:22:57You look like you're having a rough morning.
00:22:59Ding, ding, ding! What do we have for her, Johnny?
00:23:04Fletcher.
00:23:05Dana.
00:23:07All right, Samantha.
00:23:08How much will it take to put an end to all this?
00:23:10Fifty percent of your estate.
00:23:11Fifty percent?
00:23:14With a pre-nup and proof of adultery? What's your case?
00:23:17Our case is simply this.
00:24:02Very funny, Fletcher!
00:24:04You wanna play hardball? I'm game.
00:24:08"You wanna play hardball? I'm game. "
00:24:11What are you doing? What is wrong with you?
00:24:14All rise for the Honorable Judge Marshall Stevens.
00:24:18Honorable?
00:24:21Good morning. Call case number BD-00305.
00:24:27Samantha Cole v. Richard Cole.
00:24:29How are we doing this morning, Counsel?
00:24:31Fine. Thank you.
00:24:33And you, Mr. Reede?
00:24:34I'm a little upset about a bad sexual episode last night.
00:24:41Well, you're still young. It'll happen more and more.
00:24:45In the meantime, what do you say we get down to business?
00:24:50First, Mr. Reede, I see...
00:24:52I would like a continuance!
00:24:55This case has been delayed several times, Mr. Reede.
00:24:58I realize that, Your Honor, but I would really, really like a continuance.
00:25:04I'll have to hear good cause, Counsel.
00:25:07What's the problem?
00:25:18I can't lie!
00:25:21Commendable, Mr. Reede, but I'm waiting to hear good cause.
00:25:24Do you have one or not?
00:25:26Not.
00:25:27Motion for continuance denied.
00:25:30Is there any chance of a settlement in this case?
00:25:32I don't think so, Your Honor.
00:25:34My client has already offered Mrs. Cole $2.4 million.
00:25:38But Mr. Reede has made it clear he has no desire...
00:25:41Settle!
00:25:42Settle, settle, settle, settle!
00:25:44I don't want to settle.
00:25:46Mr. Reede. You convinced me yesterday, I'm the victim!
00:25:50I'm starved for affection. I'm driven into the arms of another man.
00:25:54Seven! Yeah, whatever.
00:25:56With the story you came up with, I don't think we can lose.
00:25:59I want to proceed.
00:26:01Mrs. Cole, you don't understand.
00:26:04Mr. Reede. Do we have a settlement?
00:26:06No!
00:26:12No, Your Honor.
00:26:14There's no settlement.
00:26:16Trial to commence 1:30 sharp.
00:26:37It was me!
00:26:43Hi, Mr. Reede! Like the new dress?
00:26:45Whatever takes the focus off your head.
00:26:50What's up, Fletcher?
00:26:52Your cholesterol, fatty! Dead man walking.
00:26:55Hey, Fletcher. Hey!
00:26:56You're not important enough to remember.
00:26:58What's it gonna be, Mr. Reede?
00:26:59A pockmark, eventually!
00:27:00Don't ask! For God's sakes, don't ask.
00:27:04All right. You can beat this.
00:27:07It's all a matter of willpower!
00:27:10A test. Something small.
00:27:19Red. Red. All right? Now focus.
00:27:24The color of this pen is...
00:27:30The color of this pen is...
00:27:41The color of the pen that I hold in my hand is...
00:27:47royal blue!
00:27:54One lie, and I can't say it!
00:27:58I'll write it.
00:28:27Write it! Write it, or I'll break it off!
00:28:37No! Come on! Stop it.
00:28:50Boss? What happened?
00:28:57The pen is blue. The pen is blue!
00:29:01The goddamn pen is blue!
00:29:07Mr. Reede, are you all right?
00:29:09I gotta go home.
00:29:11Home? Was the case settled?
00:29:13No! I have to be in court at 1:30!
00:29:16Then how are you going to go home?
00:29:18I don't know. I don't know.
00:29:21Okay. Mr. Reede, Reuben and Dunn called.
00:29:25They need to know where the Darby settlement offer stands.
00:29:28I just proposed a settlement to dick with them!
00:29:33Dick with them. Got it.
00:29:35And your mother called.
00:29:37Are you still on vacation?
00:29:38No.
00:29:40Then you're here? Yes.
00:29:42Thank you for clearing that up, sir.
00:29:44And your ex-wife called.
00:29:46She wants to know when you're coming to pick up your son.
00:29:48Oh, I'm such a shit!
00:29:57Hello. Audrey?
00:29:59Fletcher, hi. Are you still picking Max up from school today?
00:30:01Here's the thing. I really can't!
00:30:04I had a case I was certain would settle,
00:30:06and it didn't, and I have to go to court.
00:30:08Right. It's true! I really want to see Max today!
00:30:12I really do.
00:30:14But things just keep coming up at the last minute.
00:30:16Yes, but this time it's different.
00:30:17I see. How is that?
00:30:19Now I'm telling the truth.
00:30:21And last night you weren't. No.
00:30:22Well, what were you doing?
00:30:23Having sex!
00:30:26Well, I hope that it was with someone very special.
00:30:29No! That's the thing. I don't even like her, but she's a partner.
00:30:33I thought I could help my career by making her squeal.
00:30:41What's wrong with me?
00:30:44I'm getting what I deserve. I'm reaping what I sow. I'm...
00:30:58Is Dad still picking me up?
00:31:00No, Max, he's not.
00:31:03I'm sorry, but I'm gonna pick you up, okay?
00:31:06I'll work it out.
00:31:08I guess my wish didn't come true.
00:31:10What wish?
00:31:11I wished that forjust one day Dad couldn't tell a lie.
00:31:21Max?
00:31:26I have something important to talk to you about, okay?
00:31:29Okay. Okay.
00:31:39Hello?
00:31:41Audrey! Let me explain. Something has happened to me.
00:31:44Well, something else is about to happen to you.
00:31:46Max and I are moving to Boston.
00:31:48What?
00:31:49Jerry has asked me to marry him,
00:31:50and Max and I are going this weekend to look at houses.
00:31:53I thought it was semi-serious!
00:31:55It's just been given a violent shove into serious.
00:31:57You can't move to Boston, I'll never see Max!
00:32:00You'll have the same relationship you have with him now, won't you?
00:32:04Where are you? I'm going home.
00:32:05When you get there, just stay there. I'm coming over. We have to talk.
00:32:09Fletcher! I'll be right there.
00:32:14Hey, Mr. Reede...
00:32:25Fletcher. Holy hell!
00:32:32You can run, but you can't hide.
00:32:40What's your problem, schmuck?
00:32:42I'm an inconsiderate prick!
00:33:09Oh, shit!
00:33:15Shit!
00:33:25You know why I pulled you over?
00:33:26Depends on how long you were following me!
00:33:30Why don't we take it from the top?
00:33:32Here goes.
00:33:33I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign,
00:33:35I almost hit a Chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yield,
00:33:38I changed lanes without signaling while speeding!
00:33:44Is that all?
00:33:45No.
00:33:49I have unpaid parking tickets.
00:33:55Be gentle.
00:33:59Audrey! Wait!
00:34:05Wait, Audrey. Hold on. Wait!
00:34:08Wait. I just had an insight into myself. I'm crazy.
00:34:12You call and say, "Wait, I'll be right over,"
00:34:16and here's the crazy part, I actually wait.
00:34:19I can explain this.
00:34:20I have missed a department meeting.
00:34:23Did you come in a cab? Yes!
00:34:25Where's your car?
00:34:29Thank you! I can't tell you how much this means to me.
00:34:32I can. $1,654.11.
00:34:35How do you sleep at night?
00:34:41I'm taking this.
00:34:52You scratched my car!
00:34:55Where?
00:34:57Right there!
00:35:00Oh, there. That was already there.
00:35:04Why, you...
00:35:07You liar!
00:35:10You know what I'm gonna do about this?
00:35:11What?
00:35:12Nothing! Because if I take you to court, it'll drain eight hours out of my life,
00:35:16and you won't show up,
00:35:17and if I got the judgment, you'd just stiff me anyway!
00:35:20So I'm gonna piss and moan like an impotent jerk
00:35:23and then bend over and take it up the tailpipe!
00:35:28You been here before, haven't you?
00:35:32Well, I can't remember when I've had more fun,
00:35:34but if you'll excuse me, I have a class.
00:35:36Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me?
00:35:38No, I divorced you because I was mad at you.
00:35:40Wait. I want to talk about this!
00:35:42What do you want to say?
00:35:43Is this guy right for you? He is so not me!
00:35:47That's one of his best qualities.
00:35:48But he's kind of a magoo.
00:35:52I'm sorry. You're wrong.
00:35:54Sometimes maybe he is a little...
00:35:56Magoo!
00:35:58Yes. But since we've been going out...
00:36:00My God, I'm not having this conversation with you.
00:36:02Audrey, you can't go.
00:36:03This is not fair.
00:36:04Fair?
00:36:05Okay, let's define fair. Last night a 5-year-old boy was crushed
00:36:11because his father lied to him about coming to his birthday party.
00:36:15Fair? Last night...
00:36:17Was none of my business. Thank you.
00:36:18None of my business.
00:36:19Two years ago, it was my business. But I don't have to care anymore.
00:36:23That's the magic of divorce. But it matters to Max!
00:36:26Everything you do matters, and everything you don't do.
00:36:30All right. Now let me tell you something.
00:36:32I'm a bad father!
00:36:37I mean...
00:36:44I'm a bad father.
00:36:48You're not a bad father, when you show up.
00:36:53What if I come right after court and play ball?
00:36:56Then you and I can talk before you make any rash decisions!
00:36:59No, we are leaving tonight.
00:37:01Please, Audrey. Give me one more chance.
00:37:04I'm throwing myself on the mercy of the court.
00:37:07I lost you, but please don't make me lose Max, too.
00:37:14Give me a chance to be the father I started out to be.
00:37:24You're really coming?
00:37:25This is ironclad.
00:37:27This is the mother of all promises. What time?
00:37:31Okay, 6:00.
00:37:325:50.
00:37:34All right.
00:37:35All right. But if I tell Max that you're coming,
00:37:39and you don't show up and I have to see that look on his face,
00:37:42that heartbreaking look,
00:37:45we're going to Boston.
00:37:47If I don't show up, I'll pack you myself.
00:37:50I will lovingly wrap your nicknacks with bubble paper.
00:37:54I hope so.
00:37:57Do you know what your son was doing at 8:15 last night?
00:38:01He was making a birthday wish that forjust one day
00:38:04his father couldn't tell a lie.
00:38:13Oh, my God! That's it!
00:38:16"I do not like them, Sam I Am.
00:38:19"I do not like green eggs and ham.
00:38:22"Would you like them here or there?
00:38:24"I would not like them... "
00:38:25Excuse me.
00:38:27Hi. I'm Max's bad father... I'm his father.
00:38:31Dad!
00:38:32Could I borrow him forjust one second?
00:38:36Monster Max!
00:38:38You came to play catch?
00:38:40I'd like to, but I can't. I gotta talk to you.
00:38:43Your Mummy told me about that wish you made last night. It came true, Max.
00:38:48Really? You mean you have to tell the truth?
00:38:50Yes.
00:38:51No matter what? No matter what!
00:38:53Is wrestling real?
00:38:54In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no.
00:38:56Will sitting too close to the TV set make me go blind?
00:38:59Not in a million years.
00:39:00If I keep making this face, will it get stuck that way?
00:39:03Uh-uh.
00:39:04In fact some people make a good living that way.
00:39:10Now listen, Max. You've gotta do something for me.
00:39:13I need you to take back that wish.
00:39:15So you can lie?
00:39:17Yes.
00:39:18But not to you. You see, Max,
00:39:21sometimes grownups need to lie.
00:39:27It's hard to explain, but if...
00:39:30Look, here's a good example.
00:39:32When your Mummy was pregnant with you, she gained 40 pounds,
00:39:35there was nothing she wouldn't eat.
00:39:37And Daddy was scared. But when she'd ask me, "How do I look?"
00:39:39I'd say, "Honey, you look great. You're glowing. "
00:39:43If I had told Mummy she looked like a cow,
00:39:45it would have hurt her feelings.
00:39:46Understand?
00:39:47My teacher tells me real beauty's on the inside.
00:39:50That's just something ugly people say.
00:39:53Max, no one can survive in the adult world
00:39:56if they have to stick to the truth.
00:39:57I could lose my case, I could lose my promotion,
00:40:00I could even lose my job.
00:40:01Now, I need your help, Max.
00:40:04Okay.
00:40:06Okay. Do whatever you did last night,
00:40:10only this time, make it an "unwish. "
00:40:24I did it.
00:40:25Excellent!
00:40:27Now, I just need a little test.
00:40:49Did it work?
00:40:50Not like I'd hoped. Did you unwish it?
00:40:53Only...
00:40:54What? Only what?
00:40:55Yesterday, when I wished it, I really meant it.
00:40:59This time when I unwished it, I only did it 'cause you told me to.
00:41:04All right. Do it again. And this time, mean it.
00:41:08But I can't!
00:41:09Why not?
00:41:10'Cause I don't want you to lie.
00:41:12I explained this.
00:41:14I have to lie. Everybody lies.
00:41:17Mummy lies. Even the wonderful Jerry lies.
00:41:21But you're the only one that makes me feel bad.
00:41:25Max, recess is over. Come on in!
00:41:34Mum says we're moving to Boston.
00:41:36That isn't for sure yet.
00:41:39She promised we'd talk about it tonight.
00:41:43I am coming!
00:41:45You believe me, don't you, Max?
00:41:49I'll see you later, buddy.
00:42:01Fletcher. How's it hanging?
00:42:02Short, shriveled and always to the left.
00:42:09Boss, it's Skull. He knocked over another ATM.
00:42:12This time at knife-point. He needs your legal advice.
00:42:20Stop breaking the law, asshole!
00:42:32Boss, are you all right?
00:42:34My son hates me.
00:42:38Max loves you. I've seen you together. You're his hero.
00:42:43Oh, yeah?
00:42:46Last night at his birthday party, he made a wish
00:42:49that I wouldn't be able to lie for one whole day.
00:42:53Kids.
00:42:54It came true.
00:42:56What? Max's wish!
00:42:59It came true.
00:43:07Boss, maybe you should just take a few days off.
00:43:10Greta! Didn't it seem weird to you that I kept telling the truth all morning?
00:43:15Well, yeah. But...
00:43:19What are you saying? That you are incapable of lying?
00:43:22That's right! I am incapable of lying!
00:43:26Just for today?
00:43:27Apparently. 'Til 8:15 tonight.
00:43:30It's one of those 24-hour curses.
00:43:33Those are going around.
00:43:34You don't believe me, do you?
00:43:35Of course not.
00:43:38How ironic!
00:43:40Okay. Ask me something you think I would normally lie about.
00:43:44All right. Remember a couple of months ago when I wanted a raise?
00:43:49I don't want to do this. And the company wouldn't give me one
00:43:52and I asked if you would give it to me out of your own pocket.
00:43:55And you said the company would not allow it,
00:43:57because it would create jealousy among the other secretaries.
00:44:01Was that true, or did you just not want to pony up the dough?
00:44:09Greta, please!
00:44:11Judge Stevens, hi! Fletcher Reede. I'm scheduled in your court in half an hour.
00:44:15Judge Stevens, I badly, badly need a continuance. lll?
00:44:19Am I ill? That is the perfect question for you to ask.
00:44:23Please lie for me!
00:44:25I remember when you bought me
00:44:26this antique frame from Tiffany's... Tiffany's?
00:44:30Garage sale. $6.50, marked down from ten.
00:44:36I'll give you the raise!
00:44:39Here's your raise.
00:44:43Hi, Judge Stevens! I know I haven't given you an answer.
00:44:46But illness could mean so many things.
00:44:49Can you hold? Hello? Mum!
00:44:52Hi! I wasn't really on vacation.
00:44:56Because I didn't want to talk to you!
00:44:58Because you insist on talking about Dad's bowel movements, size, color, frequency!
00:45:03I'll call you later! Hello?
00:45:06Oh, damn it! I cut him off.
00:45:08I cut off the judge!
00:45:16Greta! Don't leave!
00:45:18I'm on my knees in a $000 suit!
00:45:23Mr. Reede. Several years ago, a friend had a burglar on her roof.
00:45:28He fell through the skylight, landed on a butcher's knife, cutting his leg.
00:45:33The burglar sued my friend. He sued my friend!
00:45:37Because of guys like you, he won!
00:45:39My friend had to pay the burglar $6,000. Is that justice?
00:45:43No. I'd have got him $10,000.
00:45:48Goodbye, Mr. Reede.
00:45:49No, wait!
00:45:51I didn't understand! Ask me again!
00:45:53Have a nice day in court.
00:45:55Greta!
00:45:57Hi. God in heaven!
00:46:00It's nice to see you too, Fletcher. Are you busy?
00:46:03Extremely.
00:46:04Good. Would you follow me, please?
00:46:10Did you know that the partnership committee
00:46:12is headed by Mr. Allan himself?
00:46:15You used to work directly for Mr. Allan. Yeah.
00:46:18Tell me. What do you think of him?
00:46:23He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard!
00:46:25A belligerent old fart!
00:46:26A steaming pile of cow dung! Figuratively speaking.
00:46:30Really? How delightful. This way.
00:46:35Pardon me for interrupting. Mr. Allan, you remember Fletcher Reede?
00:46:41Oh, yes! Nice to see you again, Fletcher.
00:46:44I'll be observing you in court this afternoon.
00:46:47I've been hearing some good things about you.
00:46:50Well, Fletcher has just been telling me how much he thinks of you.
00:46:55Why don't you tell Mr. Allan? Well, what do you think of him?
00:47:07He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard!
00:47:10A belligerent old fart. A worthless, steaming pile of cow dung.
00:47:17Figuratively speaking.
00:47:40That's the funniest damn thing I've ever heard!
00:47:43You're a real card, Reede!
00:47:45I love a good roast!
00:47:49Do Simmons!
00:47:51Simmons is old!
00:47:54He should have been out years ago,
00:47:56but he can't stay home 'cause he hates his wife!
00:48:01You've met her at the Christmas parties.
00:48:02She's the one that gets plastered and calls him a retard.
00:48:06And you, Tom. You're the biggest brownnose I've ever seen!
00:48:10You've got your head so far up Mr. Allan's ass,
00:48:12I can't tell where you end and he begins!
00:48:16Priceless!
00:48:20You have bad breath caused by gingivitis.
00:48:22You couldn't get a porn star off.
00:48:24Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed.
00:48:27I don't know whether to comb it or scrape it off and bury it in lime!
00:48:32Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate!
00:48:37Slut!
00:48:40I like your style, Reede! That's what this stuffy company needs!
00:48:45A little irreverence!
00:48:47Good! I'll see you later, dick-head!
00:48:51Dick-head! Priceless!
00:49:11Keep your eye on that boy.
00:49:13Dick-head!
00:49:35Third District Court is now in session.
00:49:38The honorable Judge Marshall Stevens presiding.
00:49:44Afternoon, Counselors.
00:49:46Are we ready to begin?
00:49:48No, sir!
00:49:49We are not ready to begin because my client has not arrived!
00:49:53Hurry up! Move it, move it!
00:49:55Here she comes to wreck the day
00:49:58Mr. Reede!
00:49:59Sorry, Your Honor.
00:50:01Go, go, go. Lupe, you keep those kids quiet. I'm not even close to kidding.
00:50:06Sorry. Billy threw up in the car.
00:50:09You brought your kids to your divorce?
00:50:11Sympathy. Well, it's working.
00:50:13I feel sorry for them already.
00:50:15Miss Appleton, you may begin.
00:50:18From March 6 through June 12
00:50:21I surveilled Mrs. Cole at the behest of Mr. Cole.
00:50:25During that period, I noted that Mr. Cole left each day between 7:40 and 7:50.
00:50:31Thereafter Mrs. Cole would frequently have
00:50:34a male visitor arrive and stay from one to four hours.
00:50:38I was able to take several photographs of the male visitor.
00:50:43I see.
00:50:46Do you know what Mrs. Cole and her male visitor did
00:50:50during these frequent visits?
00:50:53Well, they were pretty good about keeping the shades drawn,
00:50:56but I was able to make a recording of one such session.
00:51:02Your Honor, as you are aware, under the terms of the prenuptial agreement,
00:51:06if Mrs. Cole commits adultery, she is entitled to nothing.
00:51:11With your permission, we'd like to play the following tape recording.
00:51:20Here comes big daddy!
00:51:23Oh, God! Do it to me!
00:51:26Do it to me! Harder! Harder!
00:51:35Oh, come on!
00:51:37Your Honor, how can it be proved
00:51:39that the male voice on that tape is not Mr. Cole himself?
00:51:43You are such a better lover than my husband!
00:51:47Your Honor, I object!
00:51:49And why is that, Mr. Reede?
00:51:50It's devastating to my case!
00:51:52Overruled.
00:51:53Good call!
00:51:56I gotta go. I haven't cleaned your pool.
00:51:58Your witness.
00:51:59All right.
00:52:02Well, Mr. Reede, you may proceed.
00:52:11How?
00:52:37Your Honor, would the court be willing to grant me a short bathroom break?
00:52:41Can't it wait?
00:52:42Yes, it can.
00:52:44But I've heard that if you hold it, it can damage the prostate gland,
00:52:46making it very difficult to get an erection!
00:52:50Is that true?
00:52:51It has to be.
00:52:54Well, in that case, I better take a little break myself.
00:52:56But you get back here immediately so we can finish this.
00:53:15How am I going to get out of this?
00:53:21Think. Think.
00:53:25Think!
00:54:24What the hell are you doing?
00:54:28I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind?
00:54:57I found him like this in the bathroom, Your Honor.
00:54:59Somebody beat the hell out of him.
00:55:02Who did this?
00:55:03A madman, Your Honor!
00:55:05A desperate fool at the end of his pitiful rope!
00:55:08What did he look like?
00:55:10About 6'2", 180 pounds, big teeth, kind of gangly.
00:55:14Bailiff, have the deputy search the building.
00:55:16Yes, sir.
00:55:18Order! Order!
00:55:26Under the circumstances, I have no choice but to recess this case
00:55:29until 0:00 a. m. tomorrow morning.
00:55:32Unless, of course, you feel you can still proceed.
00:55:39Can you?
00:55:46Yes, I can.
00:55:51I admire your courage, Mr. Reede.
00:55:54We'll take a short recess so that you can compose yourself,
00:55:57and then we'll get started.
00:56:08Here you go.
00:56:23Hello? Dad?
00:56:25Max? How's it going?
00:56:27Great. You know Paul and Emanuel from across the street?
00:56:30Yeah.
00:56:31Well, they never want to play baseball with me.
00:56:34But I told them I'm playing tonight with my dad.
00:56:36So now they want to play. Is that okay?
00:56:39Sure. The more the merrier.
00:56:42Coolest! Do you wanna be Jose Canseco?
00:56:44Oh, yeah. Who else is gonna hit that famous Nomo slider?
00:56:49Mr. Reede.
00:56:50I gotta go now, Max.
00:56:52I'll see you in a couple hours. Okay? Bye.
00:56:56Bye, Dad.
00:56:58He's really coming! I'm gonna go change.
00:57:02Okay, go ahead!
00:57:03Yeah!
00:57:08Mr. Reede!
00:57:11"Mr. Reede! Mr... "
00:57:16This is my lawyer. He's a little unorthodox.
00:57:20Mr. Reede, you remember Kenneth Falk, the man from the tape.
00:57:23How could I forget?
00:57:25Hey, how you doing?
00:57:26I've slipped into the seventh circle of hell! Thank you. You?
00:57:30Shouldn't we be going over our testimony right now?
00:57:32Basically, the plan is, I walk you through the tape.
00:57:36Step-by-step, I ask you questions.
00:57:38And we give the explanation you came up with.
00:57:41Exactly.
00:57:42All we gotta do is lie. That sounds simple enough.
00:57:44Doesn't it!
00:57:46Then I'll finish up with dramatic questions.
00:57:48Something like,
00:57:50"Mr. Falk, isn't it true that you and Mrs. Cole have never made... "
00:58:05Oh, God! I can't do it.
00:58:07I can't finish the question if I know the answer is a lie.
00:58:27You may proceed, Mr. Reede.
00:58:42Respondent calls...
00:58:46Kenneth Falk.
00:59:06Raise your right hand.
00:59:07Do you swear to tell the truth,
00:59:09the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
00:59:11I do! I mean...
00:59:17I do.
00:59:26Mr. Falk.
00:59:32Do you know my client, Samantha Cole?
00:59:34Yes.
00:59:39Isn't it true that your relationship with my client is entirely platonic?
00:59:44I object, Your Honor!
00:59:47To yourself?
00:59:49Yeah.
00:59:51But I would like to rephrase the question.
00:59:58Mr. Falk, would I be accurate
01:00:01if I described your relationship with Mrs. Cole as totally professional?
01:00:05I object, Your Honor, and I move to strike!
01:00:08Mr. Reede, I don't know what you're on, but you better get to the point and quick.
01:00:15Thank you, sir.
01:00:21Is your relationship with my client entirely platonic?
01:00:24Not! Is not your relationship with my client,
01:00:26"Boink! Bad baby, bad baby!"
01:00:30Did you ever not make...
01:00:32Did you...
01:00:33Mr. Reede!
01:00:35You had sex with her every time you met, didn't you? Didn't you! Liar!
01:00:39He's badgering the witness.
01:00:40It's his witness.
01:00:42You slammed her! You dunked her donuts! You gave her dog a Snausage!
01:00:45You stuffed her like a Thanksgiving turkey!
01:00:50All right, it's true, okay! I humped her brains out!
01:00:53There! Now you happy?
01:01:01No further questions.
01:01:22No questions.
01:01:26You may step down.
01:01:32Do I dare ask you to call your next witness?
01:01:38I have no further witnesses, Your Honor.
01:01:41What are you doing? Call me!
01:01:44You do not understand. I can't lie.
01:01:47I can't do anything dishonest until 8:15 tonight!
01:01:51Listen, you bastard! I want my money!
01:01:54I am not going to end up a 31-year-old divorcee on welfare
01:01:57because my scumbag attorney had a sudden attack of conscience!
01:02:02Thirty-one?
01:02:04If Mr. Reede has no further witnesses,
01:02:06then I have no choice but to rule in favor of...
01:02:09Your Honor!
01:02:13I call Samantha Cole to the stand.
01:02:19Order.
01:02:20Order! Order!
01:02:23Knock it off!
01:02:24Sit down!
01:02:28Mr. Reede, it is out of sheer morbid curiosity
01:02:30I'm allowing this freak show to continue.
01:02:36Mrs. Cole if you dare.
01:02:55Mrs. Cole,
01:02:57is this a copy of your driver's license?
01:03:03Yes.
01:03:04It says here you're a blonde. Are you?
01:03:07If you don't remember, perhaps Mr. Falk will.
01:03:09Brunette.
01:03:10We can play the tape again. Maybe it's on there.
01:03:12I'm a brunette!
01:03:15Thank you. Now let's see.
01:03:17"Weight, 105." Yeah! In your bra.
01:03:21Your Honor, I object! You would!
01:03:23Bastard! Hag!
01:03:24Quiet! Overruled! Weight?
01:03:29118.
01:03:31All right, fine, fine. I'm 127.
01:03:34And it says here you were born in 1964, but that's not true either, is it?
01:03:40Is it! No.
01:03:41Will you tell me what it says here on your birth certificate under "Date of birth"?
01:03:46Your Honor, what does this have to do with anything?
01:03:48Overruled. Mrs. Cole, answer the question.
01:03:53"1965."
01:03:55Now let me get this straight.
01:03:58That would mean that you lied about your age to make yourself older.
01:04:03But why would any woman want to do that?
01:04:07I changed it so I could get married.
01:04:10And the truth shall set you free!
01:04:15My client lied about her age!
01:04:17She was only 17 when she got married, which makes her a minor,
01:04:21and in the great state of California,
01:04:23no minor can enter into any legal contract without parental consent, including...
01:04:28Prenuptial agreements.
01:04:30Prenuptial agreements! This contract is void!
01:04:33The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant.
01:04:37Standard Community Property applies,
01:04:39and she is entitled to half of the marital assets,
01:04:41or $11.305 million!
01:04:44Jordan fades back. Swoosh! And that's the game!
01:04:48Nothing further, Your Honor.
01:04:59Order. Order. Order!
01:05:05In light of this new evidence, the court must rule in favor of Mrs. Cole.
01:05:09Yes!
01:05:11She is hereby awarded half the marital assets.
01:05:15The son of a bitch pulled it off!
01:05:17I didn't know!
01:05:19It doesn't matter. The contract's void.
01:05:22Order.
01:05:24Order.
01:05:26I understand both parties have agreed to joint custody.
01:05:30Is that correct? Yes.
01:05:31Yes. No.
01:05:33I'm contesting custody.
01:05:35What?
01:05:36If I get sole custody,
01:05:38that's another 10 grand in child support payments.
01:05:40You just won $11 million!
01:05:42Hey, I'm the victim here. You said it yourself.
01:05:45Now I'm gonna hit him where it hurts.
01:05:49But you... You said he was a good father.
01:05:54So?
01:05:57Well, Mr. Reede, do we have an agreement on custody or not?
01:06:06No.
01:06:08I see.
01:06:10In that case, there will be a custody hearing on the 10th at 0:00 a. m.
01:06:16Court is adjourned.
01:06:25Come on, let's go.
01:06:26Daddy!
01:06:27You stop that whining, or I'll give you something to whine about!
01:06:30I wanna go with Daddy!
01:06:32Come here, kids. Come on. It's all right. Don't you worry.
01:06:35I promise we'll be together, whatever I have to do.
01:06:39It's okay. It's okay.
01:06:41Oh, for God's sake, will you give me those? They're mine!
01:06:44Let go of Daddy! Let go of him! Let go of Daddy!
01:06:46We're leaving now! Lupe, come on!
01:06:50Don't you have some checks to write? You haven't paid for them yet.
01:07:07I love children.
01:07:09They give you so much leverage in a case like this.
01:07:12You did an incredible job, partner.
01:07:18Look at him. He's stunned. He can't believe it.
01:07:24Your Honor, may I please approach the bench?
01:07:28We're adjourned, Mr. Reede.
01:07:29Your Honor, I think we've made a big mistake.
01:07:33Mr. Reede, I am tired and very cranky.
01:07:36I know, but this is just... wrong, isn't it?
01:07:40I manipulated the system.
01:07:42Just because you bought it doesn't mean I'm right. It's a technicality!
01:07:46Young man, having my judgment mocked in my own court
01:07:49is not something I'm prepared to tolerate!
01:07:52Well, tell that to the kids when they're adopted by the Manson family!
01:07:56One more word out of you, Mr. Reede, and I'll hold you in contempt!
01:08:00I hold myself in contempt!
01:08:03Why should you be any different?
01:08:05Bailiff, take him away!
01:08:07This man is a good father, and children are not leverage!
01:08:11Oh, no, don't do this! I have a date to play ball with my son!
01:08:15I can't be late! It's my last chance!
01:08:18I'm Jose Canseco!
01:08:28Phone call! Phone call!
01:08:29I get a phone call! I get a phone call!
01:08:32I get a phone call!
01:08:36Hello?
01:08:37Audrey, it's me. Don't hang up!
01:08:40I can't talk right now. Our flight leaves at 8:00.
01:08:42What?
01:08:44I'm taking Max someplace where you can't do this anymore.
01:08:47Audrey, wait! The most amazing thing has happened to me.
01:08:50I Swear, I'm a changed man!
01:08:51Just come to the courthouse with $1,000 and bail me out.
01:08:56Hello? Hello?
01:08:57Time's up, pal. No, just one more call. Just one more call.
01:09:04Okay, let's go.
01:09:08Ready? Yeah.
01:09:10Will you get the door, please?
01:09:11Okay.
01:09:13Thank you.
01:09:16Mr. Reede, you made bail.
01:09:20Greta! Oh, thank God!
01:09:22Am I too late? Have you been sexually molested yet?
01:09:25Because I could circle the block.
01:09:30How did you know I was here?
01:09:31One of the other secretaries called me at home,
01:09:33said you went all noble in front of Mr. Allan.
01:09:35Yeah, I think I'm fired. Isn't that great?
01:09:38I'll start my own firm. Do you need a job?
01:09:41I don't think you can afford me.
01:09:47Oh, man, I gotta get my car. Audrey's on her way to the airport.
01:09:50I could lose Max forever. I can't let that happen. I love him!
01:09:54You know, this truth stuff is pretty cool.
01:09:56I love my son! I love my son!
01:10:01I love my son! I love my son!
01:10:05Hey, need some change? Take everything!
01:10:10But it's not gonna make you happy.
01:10:12I love my son!
01:10:22Hey, there you are!
01:10:23Hi. Just in time.
01:10:26Oh, this is the happiest Mument of my entire life.
01:10:30Well, me... Mine... Well, ours... also.
01:10:35Hey, gipper. I have something for you, young man.
01:10:40Watch yourself. It's the claw!
01:10:44The claw's coming at you.
01:10:46You're scared of the claw. You're scared of the claw.
01:10:50Jerry. Jerry.
01:10:52Huh?
01:10:53It's okay. You don't have to...
01:10:55Tower Air flight 1511 to Boston is now boarding.
01:10:59That's us. Yeah.
01:11:01Ready to go?
01:11:02Yes. You ready?
01:11:04Okay. Great.
01:11:05Jim Rubing, please report to Airport Security.
01:11:14Excuse me!
01:11:16What gate is flight 1511 leaving from? It's an emergency!
01:11:19Gate number 123, but you'll never make it. Flight's already boarding.
01:11:23It takes more than a half hour to get through security.
01:11:25If you want to go to Boston,
01:11:26there's another flight leaving tomorrow morning at 7:00 a. m.
01:11:29Flight number 12...
01:11:34Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard flight 1511
01:11:37from Los Angeles to Boston's Logan Airport.
01:11:39We'll be departing shortly,
01:11:41and if you need help stowing your carry-on items...
01:11:43Honey, can I help you? I'm fine.
01:11:46Are you sure? Jerry, I can open the bag!
01:11:50Would you like anything to drink before takeoff?
01:11:53Yes. Anything with alcohol, please.
01:11:56Audrey.
01:11:59If you'll focus on the screen, we'll be running a safety video.
01:12:02How about that drink?
01:12:27Max! Max!
01:12:31Max!
01:12:35Wait!
01:12:42That ought to do it.
01:12:47Hey!
01:12:48Thanks! It's running great!
01:12:52Max!
01:12:59Hey! Max!
01:13:04Hey!
01:13:17Max! I'm coming!
01:13:31Max!
01:13:42Max! Max, where are you?
01:13:51I love you.
01:13:54Thank you.
01:13:57That wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for.
01:14:01Thank you very much?
01:14:07I'm sorry. It's just...
01:14:09Too fast?
01:14:10It was too fast, wasn't it?
01:14:12No, it's...
01:14:13Chemistry? Whatever it is, we can work on it.
01:14:15No, no, no. It's just that...
01:14:18Oh, my God, it's Fletcher!
01:14:20No, no, this has nothing to do with Fletcher.
01:14:22No, honey, it's Fletcher.
01:14:24What?
01:14:25Dad?
01:14:28I made it! I'm late, but I made it!
01:14:33What is he doing?
01:14:35He came to see us off. Wave.
01:14:42I won't let you go!
01:14:52Oh, shit!
01:14:59Control one-nine, this is Tower 1511, heavy. Ready for takeoff.
01:15:03Hey!
01:15:11What was that?
01:15:12Looked like a shoe.
01:15:14Pull over!
01:15:16Pull this thing over!
01:15:18Control one-nine, some idiot has hijacked a flight of stairs.
01:15:21We're gonna stop this plane.
01:15:22One-nine Control. We copy.
01:15:27Yeah!
01:15:30No!
01:16:11You people are all doing a wonderful job!
01:16:14That's far enough, folks.
01:16:15He's my husband. Was my husband.
01:16:18All right, go ahead. Okay.
01:16:20Max, you stay here with Jerry, and I'll be right back, okay?
01:16:26Audrey! Great news! Fletcher!
01:16:29Both my legs are broken, so they can't take me right to jail.
01:16:32Fletcher, what were you doing? Are you out of your mind?
01:16:35No, I'm thinking clear. I've never been this clear!
01:16:40Dad?
01:16:42Creep.
01:16:45He was getting kind of upset.
01:16:46Are you all right?
01:16:48Yeah. I'm hurting here, though.
01:16:52I'm a dope, Max.
01:16:55All this time you've been here and I could see you anytime, but I didn't.
01:17:00Then your Mum told me you were moving to Boston,
01:17:02and I started thinking.
01:17:04I could be sitting around sometime and want to look at you
01:17:09and hold you and play with you,
01:17:12and I won't be able to.
01:17:16I don't think I'm gonna do too well with that.
01:17:20I love you more than anything else in the world, Max,
01:17:24and you know it's true.
01:17:26I couldn't say it if it wasn't true. Not today.
01:17:31I love you, and I'll never hurt you again.
01:17:40He's telling the truth, Mum. He's not allowed to lie.
01:17:43I made a wish, and anything Dad says today has to be the truth.
01:17:47Max.
01:17:50It's 8:45.
01:17:52You made the wish at 8:15.
01:17:55I've been able to lie for the last half hour.
01:17:58So you weren't...
01:17:59No, it was the truth!
01:18:01I just wanted to be honest with you. I always want to be honest with you.
01:18:11Mum, do we have to go to Boston?
01:18:21No, Max, you don't have to go.
01:18:24Yeah!
01:18:27I, on the other hand, do have to.
01:18:30A hospital to run.
01:18:33That's an open-ended ticket if you ever change your mind.
01:18:37Thank you.
01:18:44Looks like he's got his father back.
01:18:56Happy birthday, dear Maximus
01:19:00Happy birthday to you
01:19:06Okay, Max, make a wish.
01:19:09Wait! I don't know if we should do this.
01:19:12Oh, Fletcher, come on. What are the odds of that happening again?
01:19:18Yeah, I guess you're right.
01:19:20Okay, Max, go ahead.
01:19:30Mum? Dad?
01:19:48Max!
01:19:53Did you wish for your Mum and I to get back together again?
01:19:56No, I wished for Rollerblades.
01:20:03Do you want to cut the cake,
01:20:07Dad?
01:20:09I'd love to.
01:20:11But I have this horrible pain in my arm.
01:20:14Oh, no, it's the claw!
01:20:15No one can stop the claw!
01:20:20No one can stop it!
01:20:28Nothing can stop the claw!
01:20:54If I was a boxer, I would bounce those things like Sugar Ray Leonard.
01:20:58I'm sorry.
01:21:02Brought your kids to your divorce?
01:21:04Sympathy. Well, it's working.
01:21:06I feel sorry for them already.
01:21:09For this you will pay a terrible price.
01:21:15Well, it's working! I feel sorry for them already.
01:21:31Mrs. Cole.
01:21:46A goose.
01:21:51Including...
01:21:52Prenuptial agreements.
01:21:54Prenuptial agreements.
01:22:04No. I'd have got him $10,000.
01:22:07Goodbye, Mr. Reede. No, wait!
01:22:09I didn't know she had...
01:22:35Oh, shit.
01:22:39Now, let's see. "Weight, 105"?
01:22:43Yeah! In your bra.
01:22:45Your Honor, I object! You would!
01:22:47Overactor!
01:22:48Jezebel!
01:22:54He put me up to it.
01:22:59Yeah, sure he did.
01:23:03Oh, no. They're onto me.

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