Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

00:01:03Heads up! Good defense!
00:01:05Good defense!
00:02:03We're going downtown.
00:02:14Shut the hell up, you stupid mutt!
00:02:19What do you want?
00:02:20HDS, sir. How are you this afternoon? Alrighty. I have a package for you.
00:02:28It sounds broken.
00:02:30Most likely. I'll bet it was something nice. This is an insurance form.
00:02:34If you'll just sign here, here, and here...
00:02:37...we'll get the rest of the forms to you soon.
00:02:44That's a lovely dog.
00:02:46- Do you mind if I pet him? - I don't give a rat's ass.
00:03:01Oh, brother!
00:03:04That's fine. I can finish the rest.
00:03:06You just have yourself a good day. Take care now. Bye-bye.
00:03:22Excuse me! HDS!
00:03:24HDS! Coming through!
00:03:26Got a package, people!
00:03:42Get away from the door.
00:03:47What's the matter with you? I said, get!
00:03:55Son of a bitch!
00:03:57That was a close one!
00:04:00Unfortunately... every contest there must be a loser.
00:04:16Hungry, fellow?
00:04:22There you go.
00:04:28No problem. It gets flooded. We'll just wait a few seconds.
00:04:33Or we can try it now.
00:04:36Come on!
00:04:38Get out! Get out!
00:04:42Warning: Assholes are closer than they appear!
00:04:50Give me a push while you're back there.
00:04:54Alrighty, then!
00:04:59It's alive!
00:05:01It's alive!
00:05:47My little baby, come here. You missed Mommy, didn't you?
00:05:51Yes, you did. Did Daddy hurt you? I won't let him. No, I won't.
00:05:57He can keep the big TV, but he's not gonna hurt my baby, no he's not.
00:06:05Thank you, Mr. Ventura.
00:06:10How can I ever repay you?
00:06:12A reward would be good.
00:06:14There is some damage to my car, and I had to fill it with premium.
00:06:21Would you like for me to take your pants off instead?
00:06:26Gee! Let me think.
00:06:38People are real friendly around here.
00:08:41Yes, Satan?
00:08:44I'm sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else.
00:08:47Never mind the wisecracks, Ventura.
00:08:52You owe me rent.
00:08:54Mr. Shickadance, I told you, you're my first priority.
00:08:57I'm on a very big case right now. Check this out.
00:09:01Look at that. That's a true albino pigeon.
00:09:04Some rich guy lost it. He's offering a $25,000 reward.
00:09:08As soon as I find this bird...'re paid.
00:09:11I heard animals in there.
00:09:14I heard them again this morning, scratching around.
00:09:17I never bring my work home with me.
00:09:19Oh, yeah?
00:09:21What's all this pet food for?
00:09:27Wanna take a look inside? Come on!
00:09:30Come on!
00:09:44Go ahead. Snoop around!
00:10:00Are you satisfied?
00:10:05Just don't let me catch you with an animal in here. That's all.
00:10:09All right.
00:10:11Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.
00:10:43Come to me, jungle friends.
00:11:00Roger, let me ask you one question.
00:11:03How in hell do you lose a 500-pound fish?
00:11:09I'm sorry, I was just going to say...
00:11:11...that it's not a fish. It's a mammal.
00:11:14Thank you, Miss Jacques Cousteau.
00:11:17She didn't mean anything by that.
00:11:19I don't give a good goddamn about that fish!
00:11:22Fillet it and fast-food it if you want to!
00:11:25All I give a damn about is winning the Super Bowl!
00:11:29My athletes have got to have their heads in the right place!
00:11:33Shit, Roger! You've been in this business a long time.
00:11:37You know how superstitious these players are.
00:11:41I have a quarterback that's put his socks on backwards since high school.
00:11:45I've got a linebacker that hasn't washed his jockey strap in two years...
00:11:49...because he thinks flies are lucky.
00:11:52I want that fish on that field Super Bowl Sunday.
00:11:56Find the fish...
00:11:58...or find new jobs!
00:12:00Why did it happen now, two weeks before the Super Bowl?
00:12:03I'll tell you, it's those animal-rights activists!
00:12:06Always out with their signs:
00:12:08"Animals were born free! Stop torturing Snowflake!"
00:12:11That fish lives better than they do.
00:12:14The police are checking into the animal- rights groups. Have they called back?
00:12:18No, but I wanted to tell you, when I lost my Cuddles...
00:12:22...I hired a pet detective.
00:12:24A what?
00:12:26A pet detective.
00:12:30Thanks, Martha, but we better leave this to professionals.
00:12:33Well, actually, he was quite good.
00:12:35Pet detection is a very involved, highly scientific process.
00:13:34Like a glove!
00:13:46Mr. Ventura here to see you.
00:13:49Thanks, Martha.
00:13:51Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson.
00:13:52Pleasure to meet you.
00:13:54Any trouble getting in?
00:13:56No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle.
00:14:01Security's tight Super Bowl week.
00:14:04Why don't you have a seat? I'll get right to the point.
00:14:08Our mascot was stolen from his tank last night. Are you familiar with Snowflake?
00:14:14We got him from Miami. He's a rare bottle-nosed dolphin.
00:14:18This is a new trick he was going to do for the halftime show.
00:14:22Let's go.
00:14:23Blue 42, blue 42!
00:14:25Hut, hut!
00:14:30All right!
00:14:36Come on, let's go!
00:14:43Good boy!
00:14:53Would you like an ashtray?
00:14:56I don't smoke.
00:14:57It's a disgusting habit.
00:15:05The police came today.
00:15:07Apparently, the kidnappers came in through the back with a...
00:15:11Four-wheel-drive van, loaded from the rear.
00:15:15Roger, how you holding up?
00:15:17If I'm walking funny it's because I got two dozen reporters up my ass.
00:15:21They've been asking me about Snowflake all morning.
00:15:27Who's he?
00:15:29Roger Podacter, meet Ace Ventura.
00:15:32He's our pet detective.
00:15:34Nice to meet you. You came very highly recommended by Martha Mertz.
00:15:39Martha Mertz?
00:15:41Oh, yeah, the bitch!
00:15:44Pekingese, lost in Highland Park area. She was half-dead when I found her.
00:15:49Is that the tank?
00:15:51Excuse me.
00:16:02- Cops drain it? - Yes, this morning.
00:16:07If I'm not back in five minutes...
00:16:09...just wait longer.
00:16:27Captain's log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the nearest decimal point.
00:16:32We've traveled back in time to save an ancient species from annihilation.
00:16:38So far... signs of aquatic life, but I am going to find it.
00:16:43If I have to tear another black hole, I'm going to find it!
00:16:47I've got to, mister!
00:17:02Oh, great!
00:17:04I'll try to head them off.
00:17:06Ace, get out of the tank.
00:17:08I just can't do it, captain!
00:17:10I don't have the power!
00:17:16I said, get out of the tank now!
00:17:19For God's sake, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man!
00:17:23Where's Snowflake?
00:17:24Snowflake is not available right now.
00:17:27Roger, I've been waiting all day. I got to get a shot of his new trick!
00:17:32What, is he sick?
00:17:50People, people!
00:18:28Lassie must be missing.
00:18:35Make any good collars lately?
00:18:36Or were they leashes?
00:18:48Homicide, Ventura.
00:18:51How are you gonna solve that one?
00:18:56Good question, Aguado!
00:18:59First, I'd establish a motive.
00:19:00The killer saw the size of the bug's dick and became insanely jealous.
00:19:08Then I'd lose 30 pounds porking his wife!
00:19:13Come on!
00:19:16Now, kiss and make up!
00:19:23Excuse me.
00:19:24I'd like to ass you a few questions.
00:19:27This is not the time, Ace.
00:19:29If Einhorn come down here and see me talking to you or your ass, I'm history.
00:19:34I can keep him under control. You have to tell me who's on the Snowflake case.
00:19:39I can't do nothing for you on that. My hands are tied.
00:19:43All right, that's it! Now it's my turn!
00:19:47Five minutes alone, that's all I need!
00:19:49Better look alive. Einhorn's on her way down.
00:19:53Come on, now. Ace, please.
00:19:55What's that matter? Afraid I'll make a stink? Come on!
00:19:59Aguado's working the case, all right?
00:20:04Good call!
00:20:06We're just a little busy now...
00:20:08...with murderers and burglaries and drug dealers. Things like that.
00:20:12A missing dolphin isn't exactly a high priority.
00:20:19Now you've pissed him off.
00:20:22- Would you give me a break? - I can't hold him much longer!
00:20:25My boss is coming!
00:20:28Okay, look.
00:20:30We ran a check with local animal-rights groups.
00:20:33We checked out the taxidermists and we already checked on van rentals.
00:20:37So far, nothing, nathin', nada. All right?
00:20:41Any unusual bets being made?
00:20:43Of course! This is Super Bowl!
00:20:45- What'd you find out about the tank? - Nothing.
00:20:48Tire tracks, an escape route. A guard didn't see anything.
00:20:53- That's it? - I swear.
00:20:54Now will you please get out of here before I get in trouble?
00:21:01Thank you for your cooperation.
00:21:03By the way, do you have a mint?
00:21:06Perhaps some Binaca?
00:21:30Holy testicle Tuesday!
00:21:34What the hell is he doing here?
00:21:37I came to confess.
00:21:39I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.
00:21:43Spare me the routine. I know you're working the Snowflake case.
00:21:48May I suggest you yield to the experts on this one?
00:21:52We'll find the porpoise.
00:21:57Now I feel better.
00:21:59Of course, that might not do any good.
00:22:03Nobody's missing a porpoise. It's a dolphin that's been taken.
00:22:07The common harbor porpoise has an abrupt snout...
00:22:10...while the bottle-nosed dolphin, or Tursiops truncatus...
00:22:14...has an elongated beak, cone-shaped teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage.
00:22:19But I'm sure you already knew that.
00:22:22That's what turns me on about you.
00:22:24Your attention to detail.
00:22:27Listen, pet dick... would you like me to make your life a living hell?
00:22:33Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois.
00:22:37But thank you for asking.
00:22:44Maybe I'll give you a call sometime.
00:22:46Your number still 911?
00:22:47Alrighty, then!
00:23:29Excuse me. Is Greg here?
00:23:32Thank you!
00:23:54What's the password?
00:23:56New England clam chowder.
00:23:59Is that the red or the white?
00:24:03I can never remember that!
00:24:11Hey, Woodstock!
00:24:12Hey, Saint Francis, how's it going?
00:24:15Super, thanks for asking. I hope you're having a lovely day.
00:24:19Do you?
00:24:20Don't I?
00:24:22So what are you up to?
00:24:24Just watching the fishies.
00:24:27You see those blips? That's a Norwegian whaling fleet.
00:24:31I'm sending them new directional coordinates.
00:24:35They'll find Jimmy Hoffa...
00:24:37...before they find any whales.
00:24:39Gravy! So can you still tap into the aquatic supply stores in the area?
00:24:44Of course I can. Why?
00:24:46I wanna trace the sale of equipment...
00:24:48...for transporting or housing a dolphin recently.
00:24:51Come on, I thought you had a challenge for me.
00:24:55All right, we got marine winch, sling, feeder fish, 20,000-gallon tank...
00:25:00Wait a minute. Look here.
00:25:03That's a lot of equipment for a civilian.
00:25:07Ronald Camp? The billionaire?
00:25:09Billionaire and rare-fish collector.
00:25:16That is the face of the enemy.
00:25:18Always trying to get his greedy hands on endangered species.
00:25:22Hold on.
00:25:24Camp is connected with the dolphins?
00:25:26That subgenius gave them the land the stadium's built on.
00:25:30And look, he's throwing another "I'm the richest man in the universe" party.
00:25:37Looks like it's time for me to get myself a date.
00:25:47I'm really going out on a limb here. His social events are strictly A-list.
00:25:52The date started good, Chuck, but before we got to the party, she tensed up.
00:25:57If you do anything to embarrass me...
00:26:00What? Like this?
00:26:08Hi, Captain Stubing.
00:26:10How are Gopher and Doc?
00:26:12Permission to come aboard, sir.
00:26:34I'm sorry, ladies.
00:26:39Glad you could make it.
00:26:41Thank you.
00:26:43You look wonderful.
00:26:47And who is he, a friend?
00:26:50No, this is... This is my date.
00:26:55He's a lawyer.
00:26:57Does he have a name, or should I call him "Lawyer"?
00:27:04I'm sorry. This is Ace V...
00:27:07Tom Ace.
00:27:10Pleasure to meet you.
00:27:11Congratulations on all your success.
00:27:13You smell terrific!
00:27:16One of the first lessons we learned...
00:27:18...back at...
00:27:20...Stanford was the growth of food- poisoning claims against wealthy-people.
00:27:25One could make quite a lucrative law practice...
00:27:29...with little else.
00:27:32How is everybody feeling tonight?
00:27:35Very, very well, thank you.
00:27:38Look, honey...
00:27:39...there's the hors d'oeuvres.
00:27:48Are you insane? There is no way that Camp stole Snowflake.
00:27:53What are you trying to do?
00:27:59Will you keep him occupied while I work my magic, please?
00:28:08Smooshy, isn't it?
00:28:19We got a few cases from my new dealer in Paris.
00:28:24Excuse me, Ron...
00:28:25...I need to use the bathroom.
00:28:28I think it's the pâté.
00:28:30Sure, it's over there.
00:28:33Stuff probably looks better on the way out.
00:28:43He wasn't feeling well earlier today.
00:30:30Don't worry, Snowflake.
00:30:32Ace Ventura's here.
00:31:00Here, Snowflake.
00:31:03I've got a snack for you.
00:31:19They're wonderful, aren't they?
00:31:22Yes, they certainly are.
00:31:25No matter what's going on in my life...
00:31:27...I can always watch them swim...
00:31:30...and be totally at peace.
00:31:39It's not Snowflake!
00:31:42It's not Snowflake!
00:31:45It's not Snowflake!
00:32:06Are you sure your date is all right?
00:32:09It's been an awfully long time.
00:32:11Who, Tom?
00:32:12Well, I'm sure he's fine.
00:32:25Do not go in there!
00:32:41I'm sorry. I'll have the plumbing checked immediately.
00:32:45Do that! If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed.
00:32:50I'm sorry again, Mr. Ace.
00:32:57What're you doing?
00:32:59I'm sorry, Ron.
00:33:01What's he doing?
00:33:03Let's go!
00:33:07Stop it!
00:33:10I don't even wanna know why your pants are missing!
00:33:13You could've cost me my job!
00:33:16So you found a pebble in Snowflake's tank. I'll call CNN.
00:33:20I found it in the filter, thank you.
00:33:22And it's not a pebble, it's a rare, triangular cut orange amber.
00:33:28What're you talking about?
00:33:30Tonight I saw the same stone in Camp's ring.
00:33:34I thought you said Camp didn't do it.
00:33:36No, his ring wasn't missing a stone.
00:33:39But whoever was in that tank had a ring just like his.
00:33:42Ring? What ring?
00:33:46The 1984 Dolphin AFC championship ring.
00:33:52I find the ring with a missing stone, I find Snowflake.
00:33:57How you gonna do that?
00:34:10Why don't you learn how to drive, pal?
00:34:14You wanna play?
00:34:26Damn it!
00:36:50That stone could've come from anywhere.
00:36:53It could've come from...
00:36:55...a necklace or a pendant, an earring.
00:36:58It came from an '84 AFC championship ring.
00:37:06Einhorn thinks it may have been an animal-rights group. You know FAN?
00:37:12Free Animals Now, started by Chelsea, daughter of industrialist Fisher Gamble?
00:37:17Over half a million members worldwide?
00:37:19No. Who are they?
00:37:22Did you know...
00:37:23...they sent letters to college teams demanding the release of their mascots?
00:37:28What do you feed your dog?
00:37:31Dog food. Why?
00:37:33He is miserable!
00:37:35What are you talking about?
00:37:37He's very unhappy. I feel sorry for him. Bad diet, isolated environment.
00:37:41It's amazing he's still alive.
00:37:45You're just mad because your stupid pebble theory didn't work out.
00:37:50You can't express anger.
00:37:52Yeah? And you're ugly.
00:37:56I'm not even gonna talk to you. Would you please leave?
00:37:59Why? So you can beat him?
00:38:03You're unbelievable!
00:38:05Hiring you was the biggest mistake I ever made.
00:38:07Well, why don't you cry about it, saddlebags?
00:38:15You like her, huh?
00:38:17Yeah, she's all right.
00:38:28Look, Melissa, I...
00:38:34I'm here at the North Beach Towers condo complex in north Miami...
00:38:39...where Roger Podacter, head of operations for the Miami Dolphins...
00:38:43...has apparently committed suicide...
00:38:45...allegedly leaping to his death from his 20th-story balcony...
00:38:58You okay?
00:39:00I told you. I was in my apartment...
00:39:02...across the hall.
00:39:04I heard a scream... I called the manager.
00:39:09The place was empty, except for the dog.
00:39:12I opened the balcony door and looked out...
00:39:15...splat, bang, pancake time.
00:39:17Okay, thank you very much.
00:39:25Hi there, fella.
00:39:26Have a bad night?
00:39:40...animals can sense evil.
00:39:43Who let Dr. Doolittle in?
00:39:45Lieutenant, he came with Miss Robinson.
00:39:47This is police business. We'll let you know if the coroner finds a tick.
00:39:55Face it...
00:39:56Forget it. She's right.
00:40:00...I wouldn't want someone tracing my steps, pointing out my mistakes.
00:40:19So... don't think this is an obvious suicide, Mr. Pet Detective?
00:40:25I wouldn't say that. There's plenty of evidence here to support your theory.
00:40:29Except, of course, for that spot of blood on the railing.
00:40:38May I tell you what I think happened?
00:40:40Alrighty, then!
00:40:42Roger Podacter went out after work, had a few drinks, then came home.
00:40:46He wasn't alone. Someone else was with him. There was a struggle...
00:40:50...and he was thrown over that balcony.
00:40:52Roger Podacter didn't commit suicide.
00:40:55He was murdered.
00:40:59That's a very entertaining story...
00:41:01...but real detectives have to worry about that little thing called...
00:41:10I think I heard a toilet flush.
00:41:12Maybe somebody lost a turtle.
00:41:18Well, I...
00:41:20I guess I'm out of my league here.
00:41:24Good work.
00:41:34There is just one more thing, lieutenant.
00:41:38This woman is Roger Podacter's neighbor.
00:41:41She said she heard a scream. Right?
00:41:44And you had to open the balcony door when you came in?
00:41:47- That's true. - You're sure you had to open this door?
00:41:51I'm certain.
00:41:52What's the point, Ventura?
00:41:55Only this.
00:42:09This is double-paned, soundproof glass. There is no way...
00:42:13...she could have heard Podacter scream on the way down.
00:42:17The scream she heard came from inside...
00:42:19...before he was thrown off the balcony. The murderer closed the door upon going.
00:42:27Can you feel that, buddy?
00:42:32I have exorcized the demons!
00:42:38This house is clear.
00:42:42- Losers. - Get him out of here!
00:42:44- Losers! Losers! - Let's go, Ace.
00:42:52Come on.
00:42:53Back to the zoo.
00:42:58What are you thinking?
00:43:00This whole thing is connected, somehow.
00:43:03I want to find that other ring.
00:43:08Ace, you checked all the rings.
00:43:10Receipts? What about receipts?
00:43:13There's gotta be receipts.
00:43:23That was pretty impressive, what you did at the apartment.
00:43:27You don't have to tell me.
00:43:30I was there.
00:43:33Maybe you should've joined the police force, become a real detective.
00:43:37I don't do humans.
00:43:42You really love animals.
00:43:45If it gets cold enough.
00:43:49No, I have a kinship with them.
00:43:51I understand them.
00:43:55Wanna hear something spooky?
00:44:01One time when I was about 12, I had a dream that I was being followed by...
00:44:06...a big dog with rabies.
00:44:08He had these bloodshot eyes...
00:44:10...and foam came out of his mouth.
00:44:12No matter how fast I ran, he just kept gaining on me and gaining on me.
00:44:19Then just before I got to my front door...
00:44:22...he jumped and sank his teeth in.
00:44:27That's when I woke up...
00:44:29...and felt the back of my neck. Check that out.
00:44:38I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself.
00:44:42Want to know why I do this?
00:44:44I'm not sure anymore.
00:44:46You better be sure...
00:44:48...because once you get inside my head...
00:44:51...there's no turning back.
00:45:07Are these all? There's only a dozen.
00:45:09Maybe it's in another file, in the back.
00:45:12Who the hell is that?
00:45:21Who the hell is that?
00:45:24That's Ray Finkle, the kicker. Don't you know who he is?
00:45:29Why isn't he in this picture?
00:45:35This was taken earlier in the year. Ray Finkle wasn't added till mid-season.
00:45:45He missed the final field goal in the Super Bowl that year.
00:45:49Cost the Dolphins the game.
00:45:51But he got himself a ring, didn't he?
00:45:56"Replacement kicker having a great year."
00:45:59"Ready for Super Bowl, all-star kicker boasts."
00:46:02"Field goal sails wide, Dolphins lose Super Bowl."
00:46:06"The kick heard round the world."
00:46:09That was Finkle. The Dolphins lost by one point.
00:46:13Poor guy.
00:46:16Poor guy with a motive, baby.
00:46:19Where is he now?
00:46:21I heard he went back to his hometown in Collier County.
00:46:31You're gonna drop me off before you go?
00:46:34No way. You shouldn't be left alone right now.
00:46:37It might not be safe at your apartment.
00:46:40What do you suggest?
00:47:26Oh, my God!
00:47:29Oh, my God.
00:47:32Three times?
00:47:34I'm sorry, that's never happened to me before.
00:47:38I must be tired.
00:47:43Okay, I'm ready again.
00:48:37I'm looking for Ray Finkle...
00:48:40...and a clean pair of shorts.
00:48:42What do you know about Ray Finkle?
00:48:47Soccer-style kicker. Graduated from Collier High, 1976.
00:48:50Stetson University honors graduate, 1980. Holds two NCAA records.
00:48:54Most points and distance.
00:48:56Nickname, "The Mule." The only pro athlete from here.
00:48:59And one hell of a model American.
00:49:08Are you another one of them Hard Copy guys?
00:49:11No, sir.
00:49:12I'm just a big Finkle fan.
00:49:16This is my Graceland, sir.
00:49:19Will you put that gun down?
00:49:21The boy is a fan of our son.
00:49:26So nice to meet you.
00:49:28I'm Ray's mother...
00:49:29...and this is Ray's father.
00:49:32It's a real honor!
00:49:34It's an honor to have you here.
00:49:39My Ray is so appreciative of his fans.
00:49:42He'll be so pleased you stopped by.
00:49:45Are you expecting Ray anytime soon?
00:49:47Oh, yes. I expect him home any minute.
00:49:50Would you like some cookies? I just baked them.
00:50:02Ray Finkle's house.
00:50:05I can't wait to meet him.
00:50:10Ray ain't coming home.
00:50:14But your wife expects him any minute.
00:50:16She expects him home any minute.
00:50:20See, the engine's running but there's nobody behind the wheel.
00:50:25Eight years ago...
00:50:26...our son escaped from Shady Acres Mental Hospital.
00:50:31And they're still bugging us to pick up his stuff.
00:50:34It was all that Dan Marino's fault. Everyone knows that.
00:50:38If he'd held the ball laces out, like he's supposed to...
00:50:41...Ray wouldn't have missed the kick.
00:50:44Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.
00:50:48Would you like a cookie, son?
00:50:53What do you know?
00:50:55They're little footballs.
00:50:57Laces out.
00:51:00When Ray gets back and starts kicking again...
00:51:03...he'll never even know he was gone.
00:51:06I've kept his room just the way he left it.
00:51:31Oh, boy!
00:51:33What a sports nut, huh?
00:51:47May I?
00:51:49Oh, yes, by all means.
00:51:54Five seconds to go here in Super Bowl 17.
00:51:58Dolphins trailing the 49ers...
00:52:00... by one. This will win the game for Miami.
00:52:04There's the snap.
00:52:06Marino holds.
00:52:07The kick...
00:52:09... and it's high. No, it's...
00:52:11... no good.
00:52:12Ray Finkle blew a 26-yard field goal!
00:52:17I don't believe it!
00:52:19The Dolphins lose!
00:52:21The Dolphins lose! The Dolphins lose the Super Bowl!
00:52:27- Melissa, it's Ace! - Where are you?
00:52:29I'm in psychoville, and Finkle's the mayor. Where's Marino?
00:52:34He's about to join Snowflake. I've gotta know where he is!
00:52:38He has a commercial shoot at the Bogart Sound Stage.
00:52:42Call the police. Get extra security over there. Now!
00:52:46Ace, what's going on?
00:52:51Thought I left?
00:52:54I'm really gonna go this time.
00:53:04Here we go, folks. Very quiet.
00:53:08I'm Dan Marino, and if anyone knows the value of protection, it's me.
00:53:18So I take care of the hands that take care of me...
00:53:22...with Isotoner gloves!
00:53:23Cut! Again from the top.
00:53:26I said, cut!
00:53:27Guys, it's a cut!
00:53:28What the hell are they doing?
00:53:31That's a cut!
00:53:38- What is this, a rewrite? - Shut up!
00:53:45- Where'd they go? - Over there!
00:53:46Let's go!
00:53:54Excuse me, gentlemen!
00:53:56Pet detective!
00:54:06Come on!
00:54:07What's wrong?
00:54:09Can't you hit me?
00:54:38Have there been ransom demands?
00:54:40There's no communication with the kidnappers.
00:54:43Will the Super Bowl be postponed?
00:54:45The game is on as scheduled.
00:54:47Why weren't we told about the kidnapping?
00:54:49Secrecy was essential. We couldn't risk any interference.
00:54:52- Are the crimes related? - I'm sorry, I can't comment further.
00:54:56Now, if you'll excuse me...
00:55:00Get me the autopsy on Podacter!
00:55:03Aguado, send out a memo: No one talks to the press!
00:55:06And somebody get me some coffee!
00:55:09Tonight on Miami Vice, Crockett gets the boss a coffee!
00:55:14When I get out of that bathroom, you'd better be gone!
00:55:19Is it number one or number two?
00:55:21I just wanna know how much time I have.
00:55:25By the way, I went ahead and solved that...
00:55:28...pesky Snowflake-Podacter- Marino thing.
00:55:32You ever heard of a former Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle?
00:55:43All right, Ventura...
00:55:46...make it quick.
00:55:47I found a rare stone at the bottom of Snowflake's tank.
00:55:51It belongs to a Dolphin '84 AFC championship ring.
00:55:54It would've been a Super Bowl ring, but Ray missed the kick.
00:55:57Blames the whole thing on Marino.
00:55:59We're talking paranoid, delusional psychosis. I saw the guy's room.
00:56:04Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lecter.
00:56:07So how does Roger Podacter fit in?
00:56:10My guess is, Finkle was snooping around. Podacter recognized him. End of story.
00:56:15As for Snowflake, they gave him Finkle's number, taught him how to kick a goal.
00:56:20Finkle took it personally.
00:56:24So where is Finkle now?
00:56:26Busted out of a mental institute. He's been plotting his revenge for years.
00:56:31Waiting for the perfect time to get back at them.
00:56:33The time when it'd hurt them most:
00:56:36Super Bowl time.
00:56:38Man, I'm tired of being right!
00:56:48You've done some fine detective work...
00:56:55I'm sorry, could you speak into my good ear?
00:56:58I thought I heard you call me Ace.
00:57:01Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you are more than just a pet dick.
00:57:14Your gun is digging into my hip.
00:57:16What's wrong?
00:57:18Want me to read you your rights?
00:57:22Maybe later.
00:57:26What is it?
00:57:28That bony little bitch...
00:57:30...Melissa Robinson?
00:57:32You just don't do anything for me.
00:57:36Down, boy!
00:57:39Everything okay in here? I heard some commotion.
00:57:42Fine, sergeant.
00:57:44You want me to throw him out?
00:57:47Why don't you throw yourself out?
00:57:51Yes, ma'am.
00:57:56Ace, I want you to leave everything to us.
00:57:59I can't do that, lieutenant. I was hired to find Snowflake.
00:58:02When we find Marino...
00:58:04...we'll deliver Snowflake.
00:58:06When I find Snowflake...
00:58:10...I'll deliver Marino.
00:58:24Melissa, it's Ace!
00:58:25What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night.
00:58:29You have to commit me.
00:58:32Finkle escaped from Shady Acres. They still have his stuff.
00:58:36They aren't gonna let us look around.
00:58:38I know.
00:58:40It's a good thing I'm a master of disguise.
00:58:43Mrs. Robinson...
00:58:44...I'm Dr. Handly.
00:58:46Now who is it you want us to look at?
00:58:49My brother...
00:58:56I'm ready to go in. Just give me a chance!
00:58:59I know there's a lot riding on it, but it's all psychological.
00:59:02Just gotta stay positive.
00:59:06I'm gonna execute a buttonhook pattern, super slow-mo.
00:59:38Let's see that... an instant replay.
00:59:56Your brother won't be the first football pro we've treated.
01:00:00- Is that right? - Yes, we're very sensitive... the stress athletes have to endure.
01:00:05I'm open! I'm open!
01:00:08I'm open!
01:00:11We'll do some preliminary evaluations...
01:00:13...but I think he'll fit in nicely here.
01:00:16Over here!
01:00:24Rover, sit! Hut, hut!
01:00:29He seems to have some difficulty letting go of the game.
01:00:32Has he had a history of mental illness?
01:00:36As long as I've known him.
01:00:40This is one of our therapy rooms.
01:00:43And we do arts and crafts out here in the courtyard.
01:00:47And this is the storage room. Down the hallway we have another...
01:01:07He'll be fine there by himself for the next 20 minutes.
01:01:12I'll show you the dormitories, then.
01:02:47Obsess much?
01:02:51Where are you going?
01:02:53- To clean the storage room. - No, clean the cafeteria.
01:02:56I don't tell you how to do your job.
01:02:59The schedule says...
01:03:01...clean the cafeteria. - I know what I'm doing.
01:03:03You should've done it earlier.
01:03:05Man, come on. Cafeteria, my ass! I'm cleaning in here!
01:03:08You take breaks too long. You smoke...
01:03:11Man, you're a pain in the ass!
01:03:36"Search called off for missing hiker."
01:03:39"A search ended today when rescue workers...
01:03:41...were unable to find the body of Lois Einhorn."
01:03:47A hiker missing since Friday?
01:03:49Lois Einhorn?
01:03:52Holy shitballs!
01:04:08What're you doing out here? Get back to work!
01:04:40"Love, Roger"?
01:04:50Ace, it's E.
01:04:52You think the article you found was something?
01:04:55I got a note from Roger to Einhorn...
01:04:58... thanking her for a wonderful evening.
01:05:00Something ain't stirring the Kool-Aid, man.
01:05:03Wiggles, rewind.
01:05:09What the hell does Lois Einhorn have to do with Ray Finkle?
01:05:14Come on, think!
01:05:16Finkle and Einhorn, in it together. How? Why?
01:05:27All right! Here we go.
01:05:28Answer's right there! Just gotta get blood to the brain!
01:05:32Finkle and Einhorn! Finkle and Einhorn!
01:05:35Finkle and Einhorn! Finkle and Einhorn!
01:05:55What do you want?
01:05:59I don't have any food for you.
01:06:02I have to have money to buy food.
01:06:04I have to have a dolphin to get money. Do you see a dolphin here?
01:06:16Let's face it...
01:06:18...your master is a loser.
01:06:37What the?
01:06:41That's it.
01:06:45That's it!
01:06:47Einhorn is Finkle.
01:06:50Finkle is Einhorn!
01:06:52Einhorn is a man!
01:06:56Oh, my God!
01:06:59Einhorn is a man!
01:07:58"Your gun is digging into my hip."
01:08:04And the big story in this Super Bowl game is the abduction...
01:08:09... of Miami's starting quarterback, Dan Marino.
01:08:12It's gotta be a strain on this Miami team, Bob...
01:08:54What's the matter, Dan? Aren't you having fun?
01:08:57I just love Super Bowl Sunday. Don't you, Dan?
01:09:01A magical afternoon...
01:09:04...where dreams are made...
01:09:07...and crushed.
01:09:09Look, if you want tickets, you're going about it the wrong way.
01:09:14Do I look familiar to you? Does it seem as if we've...
01:09:18...met someplace before?
01:09:21I don't know. I get hit in the head a lot.
01:09:24Now the coin toss.
01:09:27Kickoff time.
01:09:29My favorite thing.
01:09:37Laces out!
01:09:58I made some refreshments, Dan.
01:10:03Would you like some refreshments, Dan?
01:10:07I'll be right back, Dan.
01:10:39I don't know how much psycho-woman's paying you, but I'll double it.
01:10:43Sorry. "Psycho-woman" keeps us out of prison.
01:10:47Snowflake, here you go. Come on.
01:10:50Check it out, Marino.
01:10:51I'm throwing passes to a dolphin.
01:11:05Go get some more fish!
01:11:07I'm gonna kill that dolphin.
01:11:10Lovely party.
01:11:12Pity I wasn't invited.
01:11:26Where the hell's the smelt?
01:11:36Unconscious. Exactly as I planned.
01:11:47What the hell was that?
01:12:07What happened? What's going on?
01:12:10You okay?
01:12:11Guess what?
01:12:13It's naptime!
01:12:17What a hit!
01:12:21Heads up!
01:12:29Who are you?
01:12:31Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. I've been sent with a special play:
01:12:35The quarterback sneak.
01:12:39Too many men on the field.
01:12:42I warned you, Ventura.
01:12:45Whatever happened to "Ace"?
01:12:47Good question.
01:12:49Be careful with that phone. In time, you could develop a tumor.
01:12:54Aguado, it's Lieutenant Einhorn.
01:12:57Send some men over to the Hallandale yacht basin.
01:13:01I've got the kidnapper trapped in the warehouse.
01:13:04It's Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.
01:13:10Code 11 in progress, 343 Victorville Road...
01:13:13... at the Palmdale basin.
01:13:15Officer needs backup. Suspect's name: Ace Ventura...
01:13:19... should be considered armed and dangerous.
01:13:22It's Ace. We gotta break out of here.
01:13:27Is he in trouble?
01:13:29Don't worry, if there's one thing I know...
01:13:32...there's nothing Ace can't handle.
01:13:34Don't kill me!
01:13:40I'll never tell anyone, I swear.
01:13:43- He's who you want! Kill him! - Kill him!
01:13:46Kill him! He held the ball, remember?
01:13:49Come on, look at him!
01:13:50- Crybaby! - Jock!
01:13:52- Wimp. - Musclehead.
01:13:53Shut up!
01:13:55I think I'll kill the dolphin first. I wouldn't want you to miss that.
01:14:00And there's the snap.
01:14:02The kick!
01:14:03And it's good!
01:14:05Good to see somebody who doesn't buckle under the pressure!
01:14:13What would you know about pressure?
01:14:18Well, I have kissed a man.
01:14:21Of course, there's never been a more crucial kick in a Super Bowl...
01:14:26... than the "kick heard around the world."
01:14:29I mean, it's clear to me that it was a good hold. Finkle just booted it.
01:14:35The laces were in!
01:14:37They were in!
01:14:59You like that?
01:15:01You like that?
01:15:07And that! And that!
01:15:20Having a little trouble with the lady?
01:15:23You don't understand...
01:15:24...she's a...
01:15:28Get him, Lois! Get him!
01:15:34Get him!
01:15:42Shoot him!
01:15:46- Shoot him! - Hold your fire!
01:15:49Don't shoot!
01:15:51Put your guns down, or this cop gets it!
01:15:54I mean it!
01:15:56She's not joking!
01:15:58He kidnapped Snowflake!
01:16:00He killed Roger Podacter and was about to kill Marino and me!
01:16:07Fiction can be fun!
01:16:10But I find the reference section much more enlightening.
01:16:13For instance...
01:16:15...if you look up...
01:16:16...professional football's all-time bonehead plays... might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle...
01:16:25...who missed a 26-yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl 17.
01:16:33You wouldn't read that Finkle was committed to a mental hospital...
01:16:37...only to escape and join the police... a scheme to get even with Marino...
01:16:44...whom he blamed for the entire thing!
01:16:47What are you talking about?
01:16:49She's not Lois Einhorn! She's Ray Finkle! She's a man!
01:16:54He's lying!
01:16:55Shoot him!
01:16:59Let's just see who's lying, shall we?
01:17:03Would a real woman have to wear one of these?
01:17:13Boy, that's really on there!
01:17:15But tell me this:
01:17:17Would a real woman... missing these?
01:17:27That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend.
01:17:30But I doubt very much...
01:17:33...if he could find the time during his busy schedule... get rid of...
01:17:38...big old...
01:17:39...Mr. Knish!
01:17:49Oh, boy!
01:17:54Come here.
01:17:55Would you excuse me for just one second?
01:18:07Ladies and gentlemen... esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino...
01:18:13...brought new evidence to my attention.
01:18:16...history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive...
01:18:21...criminal investigator can be wrong.
01:18:24But if I am mistaken...
01:18:26...if the lieutenant is indeed a woman... she claims to be...
01:18:32...then, my friend...
01:18:33...she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I have ever seen!
01:18:39That's why Roger Podacter is dead!
01:18:42He found Captain Winkie!
01:18:54Good night!
01:18:55You've been a wonderful audience. Be sure to tip your waitress.
01:19:03Die, animal boy!
01:19:06Quick decision.
01:19:38You have any more gum?
01:19:40That's none of your damn business. Stay out of my personal affairs.
01:19:45You're a weird guy, Ace. A weird guy.
01:19:49Ladies and gentlemen...
01:19:52... the Miami Dolphins are proud...
01:19:54... to welcome back to Joe Robbie Stadium...
01:19:57... our beloved mascot...
01:19:59... and the star of our halftime show:
01:20:10And now...
01:20:12... returning for the second half, the Dolphins' most valuable player...
01:20:17... Dan Marino!
01:21:07Do you know what you've done? You just cost me 25 grand, Polly.
01:21:12Yeah? Blow me!
01:21:32The National Football League...
01:21:34... would like to offer a special thank- you to the man who rescued Dan Marino...
01:21:39... and our beloved Snowflake.
01:21:41A great humanitarian...
01:21:43... and a lover of all animals:
01:21:45Mr. Ace Ventura!
01:21:50Get off me!
01:21:53Get off me!
01:21:59Tone, put that big-ass size 13 on and kick it for the homies.
01:25:39English Subtitles by GELULA & CO., INC.

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