Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

00:01:03Heads up! Good defense!
00:01:05Good defense!
00:02:03We're going downtown.
00:02:14Shut the hell up, you stupid mutt!
00:02:19What do you want?
00:02:20HDS, sir. How are you this afternoon? Alrighty. I have a package for you.
00:02:28It sounds broken.
00:02:30Most likely. I'll bet it was something nice. This is an insurance form.
00:02:34If you'll just sign here, here, and here...
00:02:37...we'll get the rest of the forms to you soon.
00:02:44That's a lovely dog.
00:02:46- Do you mind if I pet him? - I don't give a rat's ass.
00:03:01Oh, brother!
00:03:04That's fine. I can finish the rest.
00:03:06You just have yourself a good day. Take care now. Bye-bye.
00:03:22Excuse me! HDS!
00:03:24HDS! Coming through!
00:03:26Got a package, people!
00:03:42Get away from the door.
00:03:47What's the matter with you? I said, get!
00:03:55Son of a bitch!
00:03:57That was a close one!
00:04:00Unfortunately...
00:04:01...in every contest there must be a loser.
00:04:16Hungry, fellow?
00:04:22There you go.
00:04:28No problem. It gets flooded. We'll just wait a few seconds.
00:04:33Or we can try it now.
00:04:35Putz!
00:04:36Come on!
00:04:38Get out! Get out!
00:04:42Warning: Assholes are closer than they appear!
00:04:50Give me a push while you're back there.
00:04:54Alrighty, then!
00:04:59It's alive!
00:05:01It's alive!
00:05:47My little baby, come here. You missed Mommy, didn't you?
00:05:51Yes, you did. Did Daddy hurt you? I won't let him. No, I won't.
00:05:57He can keep the big TV, but he's not gonna hurt my baby, no he's not.
00:06:05Thank you, Mr. Ventura.
00:06:10How can I ever repay you?
00:06:12A reward would be good.
00:06:14There is some damage to my car, and I had to fill it with premium.
00:06:21Would you like for me to take your pants off instead?
00:06:26Gee! Let me think.
00:06:29Sure.
00:06:38People are real friendly around here.
00:08:38Ventura!
00:08:41Yes, Satan?
00:08:44I'm sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else.
00:08:47Never mind the wisecracks, Ventura.
00:08:52You owe me rent.
00:08:54Mr. Shickadance, I told you, you're my first priority.
00:08:57I'm on a very big case right now. Check this out.
00:09:01Look at that. That's a true albino pigeon.
00:09:04Some rich guy lost it. He's offering a $25,000 reward.
00:09:08As soon as I find this bird...
00:09:10...you're paid.
00:09:11I heard animals in there.
00:09:14I heard them again this morning, scratching around.
00:09:17I never bring my work home with me.
00:09:19Oh, yeah?
00:09:21What's all this pet food for?
00:09:25Fiber.
00:09:27Wanna take a look inside? Come on!
00:09:30Come on!
00:09:44Go ahead. Snoop around!
00:09:59Well?
00:10:00Are you satisfied?
00:10:05Just don't let me catch you with an animal in here. That's all.
00:10:09All right.
00:10:11Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.
00:10:15Loser!
00:10:43Come to me, jungle friends.
00:11:00Roger, let me ask you one question.
00:11:03How in hell do you lose a 500-pound fish?
00:11:08What?
00:11:09I'm sorry, I was just going to say...
00:11:11...that it's not a fish. It's a mammal.
00:11:14Thank you, Miss Jacques Cousteau.
00:11:17She didn't mean anything by that.
00:11:19I don't give a good goddamn about that fish!
00:11:22Fillet it and fast-food it if you want to!
00:11:25All I give a damn about is winning the Super Bowl!
00:11:29My athletes have got to have their heads in the right place!
00:11:33Shit, Roger! You've been in this business a long time.
00:11:37You know how superstitious these players are.
00:11:41I have a quarterback that's put his socks on backwards since high school.
00:11:45I've got a linebacker that hasn't washed his jockey strap in two years...
00:11:49...because he thinks flies are lucky.
00:11:52I want that fish on that field Super Bowl Sunday.
00:11:56Find the fish...
00:11:58...or find new jobs!
00:12:00Why did it happen now, two weeks before the Super Bowl?
00:12:03I'll tell you, it's those animal-rights activists!
00:12:06Always out with their signs:
00:12:08"Animals were born free! Stop torturing Snowflake!"
00:12:11That fish lives better than they do.
00:12:14The police are checking into the animal- rights groups. Have they called back?
00:12:18No, but I wanted to tell you, when I lost my Cuddles...
00:12:22...I hired a pet detective.
00:12:24A what?
00:12:26A pet detective.
00:12:30Thanks, Martha, but we better leave this to professionals.
00:12:33Well, actually, he was quite good.
00:12:35Pet detection is a very involved, highly scientific process.
00:13:34Like a glove!
00:13:46Mr. Ventura here to see you.
00:13:49Thanks, Martha.
00:13:51Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson.
00:13:52Pleasure to meet you.
00:13:54Any trouble getting in?
00:13:56No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle.
00:14:01Security's tight Super Bowl week.
00:14:04Why don't you have a seat? I'll get right to the point.
00:14:08Our mascot was stolen from his tank last night. Are you familiar with Snowflake?
00:14:13Negative.
00:14:14We got him from Miami. He's a rare bottle-nosed dolphin.
00:14:18This is a new trick he was going to do for the halftime show.
00:14:22Let's go.
00:14:23Blue 42, blue 42!
00:14:25Hut, hut!
00:14:30All right!
00:14:36Come on, let's go!
00:14:43Good boy!
00:14:53Would you like an ashtray?
00:14:56I don't smoke.
00:14:57It's a disgusting habit.
00:15:05The police came today.
00:15:07Apparently, the kidnappers came in through the back with a...
00:15:11Four-wheel-drive van, loaded from the rear.
00:15:15Roger, how you holding up?
00:15:17If I'm walking funny it's because I got two dozen reporters up my ass.
00:15:21They've been asking me about Snowflake all morning.
00:15:27Who's he?
00:15:29Roger Podacter, meet Ace Ventura.
00:15:32He's our pet detective.
00:15:34Nice to meet you. You came very highly recommended by Martha Mertz.
00:15:39Martha Mertz?
00:15:41Oh, yeah, the bitch!
00:15:44Pekingese, lost in Highland Park area. She was half-dead when I found her.
00:15:49Is that the tank?
00:15:51Excuse me.
00:16:02- Cops drain it? - Yes, this morning.
00:16:07If I'm not back in five minutes...
00:16:09...just wait longer.
00:16:27Captain's log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the nearest decimal point.
00:16:32We've traveled back in time to save an ancient species from annihilation.
00:16:38So far...
00:16:39...no signs of aquatic life, but I am going to find it.
00:16:43If I have to tear another black hole, I'm going to find it!
00:16:47I've got to, mister!
00:17:02Oh, great!
00:17:04I'll try to head them off.
00:17:06Ace, get out of the tank.
00:17:08I just can't do it, captain!
00:17:10I don't have the power!
00:17:15People!
00:17:16I said, get out of the tank now!
00:17:19For God's sake, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man!
00:17:23Where's Snowflake?
00:17:24Snowflake is not available right now.
00:17:27Roger, I've been waiting all day. I got to get a shot of his new trick!
00:17:32What, is he sick?
00:17:50People, people!
00:18:28Lassie must be missing.
00:18:35Make any good collars lately?
00:18:36Or were they leashes?
00:18:48Homicide, Ventura.
00:18:51How are you gonna solve that one?
00:18:56Good question, Aguado!
00:18:59First, I'd establish a motive.
00:19:00The killer saw the size of the bug's dick and became insanely jealous.
00:19:08Then I'd lose 30 pounds porking his wife!
00:19:13Come on!
00:19:16Now, kiss and make up!
00:19:23Excuse me.
00:19:24I'd like to ass you a few questions.
00:19:27This is not the time, Ace.
00:19:29If Einhorn come down here and see me talking to you or your ass, I'm history.
00:19:34I can keep him under control. You have to tell me who's on the Snowflake case.
00:19:39I can't do nothing for you on that. My hands are tied.
00:19:43All right, that's it! Now it's my turn!
00:19:47Five minutes alone, that's all I need!
00:19:49Better look alive. Einhorn's on her way down.
00:19:53Come on, now. Ace, please.
00:19:55What's that matter? Afraid I'll make a stink? Come on!
00:19:59Aguado's working the case, all right?
00:20:02Aguado!
00:20:04Good call!
00:20:06We're just a little busy now...
00:20:08...with murderers and burglaries and drug dealers. Things like that.
00:20:12A missing dolphin isn't exactly a high priority.
00:20:19Now you've pissed him off.
00:20:22- Would you give me a break? - I can't hold him much longer!
00:20:25My boss is coming!
00:20:28Okay, look.
00:20:30We ran a check with local animal-rights groups.
00:20:33We checked out the taxidermists and we already checked on van rentals.
00:20:37So far, nothing, nathin', nada. All right?
00:20:41Any unusual bets being made?
00:20:43Of course! This is Super Bowl!
00:20:45- What'd you find out about the tank? - Nothing.
00:20:48Tire tracks, an escape route. A guard didn't see anything.
00:20:53- That's it? - I swear.
00:20:54Now will you please get out of here before I get in trouble?
00:21:01Thank you for your cooperation.
00:21:03By the way, do you have a mint?
00:21:06Perhaps some Binaca?
00:21:21Assholomio
00:21:24Osadomia
00:21:30Holy testicle Tuesday!
00:21:34What the hell is he doing here?
00:21:37I came to confess.
00:21:39I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.
00:21:43Spare me the routine. I know you're working the Snowflake case.
00:21:48May I suggest you yield to the experts on this one?
00:21:52We'll find the porpoise.
00:21:57Now I feel better.
00:21:59Of course, that might not do any good.
00:22:03Nobody's missing a porpoise. It's a dolphin that's been taken.
00:22:07The common harbor porpoise has an abrupt snout...
00:22:10...while the bottle-nosed dolphin, or Tursiops truncatus...
00:22:14...has an elongated beak, cone-shaped teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage.
00:22:19But I'm sure you already knew that.
00:22:22That's what turns me on about you.
00:22:24Your attention to detail.
00:22:27Listen, pet dick...
00:22:29...how would you like me to make your life a living hell?
00:22:33Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois.
00:22:37But thank you for asking.
00:22:44Maybe I'll give you a call sometime.
00:22:46Your number still 911?
00:22:47Alrighty, then!
00:23:29Excuse me. Is Greg here?
00:23:32Thank you!
00:23:54What's the password?
00:23:56New England clam chowder.
00:23:59Is that the red or the white?
00:24:03I can never remember that!
00:24:06White?
00:24:11Hey, Woodstock!
00:24:12Hey, Saint Francis, how's it going?
00:24:15Super, thanks for asking. I hope you're having a lovely day.
00:24:19Do you?
00:24:20Don't I?
00:24:22So what are you up to?
00:24:24Just watching the fishies.
00:24:27You see those blips? That's a Norwegian whaling fleet.
00:24:31I'm sending them new directional coordinates.
00:24:35They'll find Jimmy Hoffa...
00:24:37...before they find any whales.
00:24:39Gravy! So can you still tap into the aquatic supply stores in the area?
00:24:44Of course I can. Why?
00:24:46I wanna trace the sale of equipment...
00:24:48...for transporting or housing a dolphin recently.
00:24:51Come on, I thought you had a challenge for me.
00:24:55All right, we got marine winch, sling, feeder fish, 20,000-gallon tank...
00:25:00Wait a minute. Look here.
00:25:03That's a lot of equipment for a civilian.
00:25:07Ronald Camp? The billionaire?
00:25:09Billionaire and rare-fish collector.
00:25:12Really?
00:25:16That is the face of the enemy.
00:25:18Always trying to get his greedy hands on endangered species.
00:25:22Hold on.
00:25:24Camp is connected with the dolphins?
00:25:26That subgenius gave them the land the stadium's built on.
00:25:30And look, he's throwing another "I'm the richest man in the universe" party.
00:25:37Looks like it's time for me to get myself a date.
00:25:47I'm really going out on a limb here. His social events are strictly A-list.
00:25:52The date started good, Chuck, but before we got to the party, she tensed up.
00:25:57If you do anything to embarrass me...
00:26:00What? Like this?
00:26:08Hi, Captain Stubing.
00:26:10How are Gopher and Doc?
00:26:12Permission to come aboard, sir.
00:26:34I'm sorry, ladies.
00:26:39Glad you could make it.
00:26:41Thank you.
00:26:43You look wonderful.
00:26:47And who is he, a friend?
00:26:50No, this is... This is my date.
00:26:55He's a lawyer.
00:26:57Does he have a name, or should I call him "Lawyer"?
00:27:04I'm sorry. This is Ace V...
00:27:07Tom Ace.
00:27:10Pleasure to meet you.
00:27:11Congratulations on all your success.
00:27:13You smell terrific!
00:27:16One of the first lessons we learned...
00:27:18...back at...
00:27:20...Stanford was the growth of food- poisoning claims against wealthy-people.
00:27:25One could make quite a lucrative law practice...
00:27:29...with little else.
00:27:32How is everybody feeling tonight?
00:27:35Very, very well, thank you.
00:27:38Look, honey...
00:27:39...there's the hors d'oeuvres.
00:27:48Are you insane? There is no way that Camp stole Snowflake.
00:27:53What are you trying to do?
00:27:59Will you keep him occupied while I work my magic, please?
00:28:08Smooshy, isn't it?
00:28:19We got a few cases from my new dealer in Paris.
00:28:24Excuse me, Ron...
00:28:25...I need to use the bathroom.
00:28:28I think it's the pâté.
00:28:30Sure, it's over there.
00:28:33Stuff probably looks better on the way out.
00:28:43He wasn't feeling well earlier today.
00:30:25Gravy!
00:30:30Don't worry, Snowflake.
00:30:32Ace Ventura's here.
00:30:37Yummy!
00:30:57Snowflake!
00:31:00Here, Snowflake.
00:31:03I've got a snack for you.
00:31:19They're wonderful, aren't they?
00:31:22Yes, they certainly are.
00:31:25No matter what's going on in my life...
00:31:27...I can always watch them swim...
00:31:30...and be totally at peace.
00:31:39It's not Snowflake!
00:31:42It's not Snowflake!
00:31:45It's not Snowflake!
00:32:06Are you sure your date is all right?
00:32:09It's been an awfully long time.
00:32:11Who, Tom?
00:32:12Well, I'm sure he's fine.
00:32:25Do not go in there!
00:32:41I'm sorry. I'll have the plumbing checked immediately.
00:32:45Do that! If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed.
00:32:50I'm sorry again, Mr. Ace.
00:32:57What're you doing?
00:32:59I'm sorry, Ron.
00:33:01What's he doing?
00:33:03Let's go!
00:33:07Stop it!
00:33:10I don't even wanna know why your pants are missing!
00:33:13You could've cost me my job!
00:33:16So you found a pebble in Snowflake's tank. I'll call CNN.
00:33:20I found it in the filter, thank you.
00:33:22And it's not a pebble, it's a rare, triangular cut orange amber.
00:33:28What're you talking about?
00:33:30Tonight I saw the same stone in Camp's ring.
00:33:34I thought you said Camp didn't do it.
00:33:36No, his ring wasn't missing a stone.
00:33:39But whoever was in that tank had a ring just like his.
00:33:42Ring? What ring?
00:33:46The 1984 Dolphin AFC championship ring.
00:33:52I find the ring with a missing stone, I find Snowflake.
00:33:57How you gonna do that?
00:34:00Simple.
00:34:09Loser!
00:34:10Why don't you learn how to drive, pal?
00:34:14You wanna play?
00:34:26Damn it!
00:36:50That stone could've come from anywhere.
00:36:53It could've come from...
00:36:55...a necklace or a pendant, an earring.
00:36:58It came from an '84 AFC championship ring.
00:37:06Einhorn thinks it may have been an animal-rights group. You know FAN?
00:37:12Free Animals Now, started by Chelsea, daughter of industrialist Fisher Gamble?
00:37:17Over half a million members worldwide?
00:37:19No. Who are they?
00:37:22Did you know...
00:37:23...they sent letters to college teams demanding the release of their mascots?
00:37:28What do you feed your dog?
00:37:31Dog food. Why?
00:37:33He is miserable!
00:37:35What are you talking about?
00:37:37He's very unhappy. I feel sorry for him. Bad diet, isolated environment.
00:37:41It's amazing he's still alive.
00:37:45You're just mad because your stupid pebble theory didn't work out.
00:37:50You can't express anger.
00:37:52Yeah? And you're ugly.
00:37:56I'm not even gonna talk to you. Would you please leave?
00:37:59Why? So you can beat him?
00:38:01Fatty!
00:38:03You're unbelievable!
00:38:05Hiring you was the biggest mistake I ever made.
00:38:07Well, why don't you cry about it, saddlebags?
00:38:15You like her, huh?
00:38:17Yeah, she's all right.
00:38:28Look, Melissa, I...
00:38:34I'm here at the North Beach Towers condo complex in north Miami...
00:38:39...where Roger Podacter, head of operations for the Miami Dolphins...
00:38:43...has apparently committed suicide...
00:38:45...allegedly leaping to his death from his 20th-story balcony...
00:38:58You okay?
00:39:00I told you. I was in my apartment...
00:39:02...across the hall.
00:39:04I heard a scream...
00:39:06...so I called the manager.
00:39:09The place was empty, except for the dog.
00:39:12I opened the balcony door and looked out...
00:39:15...splat, bang, pancake time.
00:39:17Okay, thank you very much.
00:39:25Hi there, fella.
00:39:26Have a bad night?
00:39:39So...
00:39:40...animals can sense evil.
00:39:43Who let Dr. Doolittle in?
00:39:45Lieutenant, he came with Miss Robinson.
00:39:47This is police business. We'll let you know if the coroner finds a tick.
00:39:55Face it...
00:39:56Forget it. She's right.
00:39:59Besides...
00:40:00...I wouldn't want someone tracing my steps, pointing out my mistakes.
00:40:19So...
00:40:21...you don't think this is an obvious suicide, Mr. Pet Detective?
00:40:25I wouldn't say that. There's plenty of evidence here to support your theory.
00:40:29Except, of course, for that spot of blood on the railing.
00:40:38May I tell you what I think happened?
00:40:40Alrighty, then!
00:40:42Roger Podacter went out after work, had a few drinks, then came home.
00:40:46He wasn't alone. Someone else was with him. There was a struggle...
00:40:50...and he was thrown over that balcony.
00:40:52Roger Podacter didn't commit suicide.
00:40:55He was murdered.
00:40:59That's a very entertaining story...
00:41:01...but real detectives have to worry about that little thing called...
00:41:06...evidence.
00:41:10I think I heard a toilet flush.
00:41:12Maybe somebody lost a turtle.
00:41:18Well, I...
00:41:20I guess I'm out of my league here.
00:41:24Good work.
00:41:34There is just one more thing, lieutenant.
00:41:38This woman is Roger Podacter's neighbor.
00:41:41She said she heard a scream. Right?
00:41:44And you had to open the balcony door when you came in?
00:41:47- That's true. - You're sure you had to open this door?
00:41:51I'm certain.
00:41:52What's the point, Ventura?
00:41:55Only this.
00:42:09This is double-paned, soundproof glass. There is no way...
00:42:13...she could have heard Podacter scream on the way down.
00:42:17The scream she heard came from inside...
00:42:19...before he was thrown off the balcony. The murderer closed the door upon going.
00:42:27Can you feel that, buddy?
00:42:32I have exorcized the demons!
00:42:38This house is clear.
00:42:42- Losers. - Get him out of here!
00:42:44- Losers! Losers! - Let's go, Ace.
00:42:48Losers.
00:42:52Come on.
00:42:53Back to the zoo.
00:42:58What are you thinking?
00:43:00This whole thing is connected, somehow.
00:43:03I want to find that other ring.
00:43:08Ace, you checked all the rings.
00:43:10Receipts? What about receipts?
00:43:13There's gotta be receipts.
00:43:23That was pretty impressive, what you did at the apartment.
00:43:27You don't have to tell me.
00:43:30I was there.
00:43:33Maybe you should've joined the police force, become a real detective.
00:43:37I don't do humans.
00:43:42You really love animals.
00:43:45If it gets cold enough.
00:43:49No, I have a kinship with them.
00:43:51I understand them.
00:43:55Wanna hear something spooky?
00:43:57Sure.
00:44:01One time when I was about 12, I had a dream that I was being followed by...
00:44:06...a big dog with rabies.
00:44:08He had these bloodshot eyes...
00:44:10...and foam came out of his mouth.
00:44:12No matter how fast I ran, he just kept gaining on me and gaining on me.
00:44:19Then just before I got to my front door...
00:44:22...he jumped and sank his teeth in.
00:44:27That's when I woke up...
00:44:29...and felt the back of my neck. Check that out.
00:44:35Bastard!
00:44:38I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself.
00:44:42Want to know why I do this?
00:44:44I'm not sure anymore.
00:44:46You better be sure...
00:44:48...because once you get inside my head...
00:44:51...there's no turning back.
00:45:04So...
00:45:07Are these all? There's only a dozen.
00:45:09Maybe it's in another file, in the back.
00:45:12Who the hell is that?
00:45:14What?
00:45:19That.
00:45:21Who the hell is that?
00:45:24That's Ray Finkle, the kicker. Don't you know who he is?
00:45:29Why isn't he in this picture?
00:45:35This was taken earlier in the year. Ray Finkle wasn't added till mid-season.
00:45:45He missed the final field goal in the Super Bowl that year.
00:45:49Cost the Dolphins the game.
00:45:51But he got himself a ring, didn't he?
00:45:55Definitely.
00:45:56"Replacement kicker having a great year."
00:45:59"Ready for Super Bowl, all-star kicker boasts."
00:46:02"Field goal sails wide, Dolphins lose Super Bowl."
00:46:06"The kick heard round the world."
00:46:09That was Finkle. The Dolphins lost by one point.
00:46:13Poor guy.
00:46:16Poor guy with a motive, baby.
00:46:19Where is he now?
00:46:21I heard he went back to his hometown in Collier County.
00:46:25Really?
00:46:31You're gonna drop me off before you go?
00:46:34No way. You shouldn't be left alone right now.
00:46:37It might not be safe at your apartment.
00:46:40What do you suggest?
00:47:26Oh, my God!
00:47:29Oh, my God.
00:47:32Three times?
00:47:34I'm sorry, that's never happened to me before.
00:47:38I must be tired.
00:47:43Okay, I'm ready again.
00:48:37I'm looking for Ray Finkle...
00:48:40...and a clean pair of shorts.
00:48:42What do you know about Ray Finkle?
00:48:47Soccer-style kicker. Graduated from Collier High, 1976.
00:48:50Stetson University honors graduate, 1980. Holds two NCAA records.
00:48:54Most points and distance.
00:48:56Nickname, "The Mule." The only pro athlete from here.
00:48:59And one hell of a model American.
00:49:08Are you another one of them Hard Copy guys?
00:49:11No, sir.
00:49:12I'm just a big Finkle fan.
00:49:16This is my Graceland, sir.
00:49:19Will you put that gun down?
00:49:21The boy is a fan of our son.
00:49:26So nice to meet you.
00:49:28I'm Ray's mother...
00:49:29...and this is Ray's father.
00:49:32It's a real honor!
00:49:34It's an honor to have you here.
00:49:39My Ray is so appreciative of his fans.
00:49:42He'll be so pleased you stopped by.
00:49:45Are you expecting Ray anytime soon?
00:49:47Oh, yes. I expect him home any minute.
00:49:50Would you like some cookies? I just baked them.
00:49:54Yummy!
00:50:02Ray Finkle's house.
00:50:05I can't wait to meet him.
00:50:10Ray ain't coming home.
00:50:14But your wife expects him any minute.
00:50:16She expects him home any minute.
00:50:20See, the engine's running but there's nobody behind the wheel.
00:50:25Eight years ago...
00:50:26...our son escaped from Shady Acres Mental Hospital.
00:50:31And they're still bugging us to pick up his stuff.
00:50:34It was all that Dan Marino's fault. Everyone knows that.
00:50:38If he'd held the ball laces out, like he's supposed to...
00:50:41...Ray wouldn't have missed the kick.
00:50:44Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.
00:50:48Would you like a cookie, son?
00:50:53What do you know?
00:50:55They're little footballs.
00:50:57Laces out.
00:51:00When Ray gets back and starts kicking again...
00:51:03...he'll never even know he was gone.
00:51:06I've kept his room just the way he left it.
00:51:31Oh, boy!
00:51:33What a sports nut, huh?
00:51:47May I?
00:51:49Oh, yes, by all means.
00:51:54Five seconds to go here in Super Bowl 17.
00:51:58Dolphins trailing the 49ers...
00:52:00... by one. This will win the game for Miami.
00:52:04There's the snap.
00:52:06Marino holds.
00:52:07The kick...
00:52:09... and it's high. No, it's...
00:52:11... no good.
00:52:12Ray Finkle blew a 26-yard field goal!
00:52:17I don't believe it!
00:52:19The Dolphins lose!
00:52:21The Dolphins lose! The Dolphins lose the Super Bowl!
00:52:27- Melissa, it's Ace! - Where are you?
00:52:29I'm in psychoville, and Finkle's the mayor. Where's Marino?
00:52:33Why?
00:52:34He's about to join Snowflake. I've gotta know where he is!
00:52:38He has a commercial shoot at the Bogart Sound Stage.
00:52:42Call the police. Get extra security over there. Now!
00:52:46Ace, what's going on?
00:52:51Thought I left?
00:52:54I'm really gonna go this time.
00:53:04Here we go, folks. Very quiet.
00:53:07Action!
00:53:08I'm Dan Marino, and if anyone knows the value of protection, it's me.
00:53:18So I take care of the hands that take care of me...
00:53:22...with Isotoner gloves!
00:53:23Cut! Again from the top.
00:53:26I said, cut!
00:53:27Guys, it's a cut!
00:53:28What the hell are they doing?
00:53:31That's a cut!
00:53:38- What is this, a rewrite? - Shut up!
00:53:45- Where'd they go? - Over there!
00:53:46Let's go!
00:53:54Excuse me, gentlemen!
00:53:56Pet detective!
00:54:06Come on!
00:54:07What's wrong?
00:54:09Can't you hit me?
00:54:38Have there been ransom demands?
00:54:40There's no communication with the kidnappers.
00:54:43Will the Super Bowl be postponed?
00:54:45The game is on as scheduled.
00:54:47Why weren't we told about the kidnapping?
00:54:49Secrecy was essential. We couldn't risk any interference.
00:54:52- Are the crimes related? - I'm sorry, I can't comment further.
00:54:56Now, if you'll excuse me...
00:55:00Get me the autopsy on Podacter!
00:55:03Aguado, send out a memo: No one talks to the press!
00:55:06And somebody get me some coffee!
00:55:09Tonight on Miami Vice, Crockett gets the boss a coffee!
00:55:14When I get out of that bathroom, you'd better be gone!
00:55:19Is it number one or number two?
00:55:21I just wanna know how much time I have.
00:55:25By the way, I went ahead and solved that...
00:55:28...pesky Snowflake-Podacter- Marino thing.
00:55:32You ever heard of a former Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle?
00:55:43All right, Ventura...
00:55:46...make it quick.
00:55:47I found a rare stone at the bottom of Snowflake's tank.
00:55:51It belongs to a Dolphin '84 AFC championship ring.
00:55:54It would've been a Super Bowl ring, but Ray missed the kick.
00:55:57Blames the whole thing on Marino.
00:55:59We're talking paranoid, delusional psychosis. I saw the guy's room.
00:56:04Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lecter.
00:56:07So how does Roger Podacter fit in?
00:56:10My guess is, Finkle was snooping around. Podacter recognized him. End of story.
00:56:15As for Snowflake, they gave him Finkle's number, taught him how to kick a goal.
00:56:20Finkle took it personally.
00:56:24So where is Finkle now?
00:56:26Busted out of a mental institute. He's been plotting his revenge for years.
00:56:31Waiting for the perfect time to get back at them.
00:56:33The time when it'd hurt them most:
00:56:36Super Bowl time.
00:56:38Man, I'm tired of being right!
00:56:45Congratulations.
00:56:48You've done some fine detective work...
00:56:52...Ace.
00:56:55I'm sorry, could you speak into my good ear?
00:56:58I thought I heard you call me Ace.
00:57:01Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you are more than just a pet dick.
00:57:14Your gun is digging into my hip.
00:57:16What's wrong?
00:57:18Want me to read you your rights?
00:57:22Maybe later.
00:57:26What is it?
00:57:28That bony little bitch...
00:57:30...Melissa Robinson?
00:57:32You just don't do anything for me.
00:57:36Down, boy!
00:57:39Everything okay in here? I heard some commotion.
00:57:42Fine, sergeant.
00:57:44You want me to throw him out?
00:57:47Why don't you throw yourself out?
00:57:51Yes, ma'am.
00:57:56Ace, I want you to leave everything to us.
00:57:59I can't do that, lieutenant. I was hired to find Snowflake.
00:58:02When we find Marino...
00:58:04...we'll deliver Snowflake.
00:58:06When I find Snowflake...
00:58:10...I'll deliver Marino.
00:58:24Melissa, it's Ace!
00:58:25What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night.
00:58:29You have to commit me.
00:58:32Finkle escaped from Shady Acres. They still have his stuff.
00:58:36They aren't gonna let us look around.
00:58:38I know.
00:58:40It's a good thing I'm a master of disguise.
00:58:43Mrs. Robinson...
00:58:44...I'm Dr. Handly.
00:58:46Now who is it you want us to look at?
00:58:49My brother...
00:58:51...Larry.
00:58:56I'm ready to go in. Just give me a chance!
00:58:59I know there's a lot riding on it, but it's all psychological.
00:59:02Just gotta stay positive.
00:59:06I'm gonna execute a buttonhook pattern, super slow-mo.
00:59:38Let's see that...
00:59:39...in an instant replay.
00:59:56Your brother won't be the first football pro we've treated.
01:00:00- Is that right? - Yes, we're very sensitive...
01:00:03...to the stress athletes have to endure.
01:00:05I'm open! I'm open!
01:00:08I'm open!
01:00:11We'll do some preliminary evaluations...
01:00:13...but I think he'll fit in nicely here.
01:00:16Over here!
01:00:20351!
01:00:22351!
01:00:24Rover, sit! Hut, hut!
01:00:29He seems to have some difficulty letting go of the game.
01:00:32Has he had a history of mental illness?
01:00:36As long as I've known him.
01:00:40This is one of our therapy rooms.
01:00:43And we do arts and crafts out here in the courtyard.
01:00:47And this is the storage room. Down the hallway we have another...
01:00:51Halftime!
01:01:07He'll be fine there by himself for the next 20 minutes.
01:01:12I'll show you the dormitories, then.
01:02:26Isotoners.
01:02:47Obsess much?
01:02:51Where are you going?
01:02:53- To clean the storage room. - No, clean the cafeteria.
01:02:56I don't tell you how to do your job.
01:02:59The schedule says...
01:03:01...clean the cafeteria. - I know what I'm doing.
01:03:03You should've done it earlier.
01:03:05Man, come on. Cafeteria, my ass! I'm cleaning in here!
01:03:08You take breaks too long. You smoke...
01:03:11Man, you're a pain in the ass!
01:03:36"Search called off for missing hiker."
01:03:39"A search ended today when rescue workers...
01:03:41...were unable to find the body of Lois Einhorn."
01:03:47A hiker missing since Friday?
01:03:49Lois Einhorn?
01:03:52Holy shitballs!
01:04:08What're you doing out here? Get back to work!
01:04:40"Love, Roger"?
01:04:50Ace, it's E.
01:04:52You think the article you found was something?
01:04:55I got a note from Roger to Einhorn...
01:04:58... thanking her for a wonderful evening.
01:05:00Something ain't stirring the Kool-Aid, man.
01:05:03Wiggles, rewind.
01:05:09What the hell does Lois Einhorn have to do with Ray Finkle?
01:05:14Come on, think!
01:05:16Finkle and Einhorn, in it together. How? Why?
01:05:27All right! Here we go.
01:05:28Answer's right there! Just gotta get blood to the brain!
01:05:32Finkle and Einhorn! Finkle and Einhorn!
01:05:35Finkle and Einhorn! Finkle and Einhorn!
01:05:52Quitter!
01:05:55What do you want?
01:05:59I don't have any food for you.
01:06:02I have to have money to buy food.
01:06:04I have to have a dolphin to get money. Do you see a dolphin here?
01:06:16Let's face it...
01:06:18...your master is a loser.
01:06:37What the?
01:06:41That's it.
01:06:45That's it!
01:06:47Einhorn is Finkle.
01:06:50Finkle is Einhorn!
01:06:52Einhorn is a man!
01:06:56Oh, my God!
01:06:59Einhorn is a man!
01:07:58"Your gun is digging into my hip."
01:08:01God!
01:08:04And the big story in this Super Bowl game is the abduction...
01:08:09... of Miami's starting quarterback, Dan Marino.
01:08:12It's gotta be a strain on this Miami team, Bob...
01:08:54What's the matter, Dan? Aren't you having fun?
01:08:57I just love Super Bowl Sunday. Don't you, Dan?
01:09:01A magical afternoon...
01:09:04...where dreams are made...
01:09:07...and crushed.
01:09:09Look, if you want tickets, you're going about it the wrong way.
01:09:14Do I look familiar to you? Does it seem as if we've...
01:09:18...met someplace before?
01:09:21I don't know. I get hit in the head a lot.
01:09:24Now the coin toss.
01:09:27Kickoff time.
01:09:29My favorite thing.
01:09:37Laces out!
01:09:58I made some refreshments, Dan.
01:10:03Would you like some refreshments, Dan?
01:10:07I'll be right back, Dan.
01:10:39I don't know how much psycho-woman's paying you, but I'll double it.
01:10:43Sorry. "Psycho-woman" keeps us out of prison.
01:10:47Snowflake, here you go. Come on.
01:10:50Check it out, Marino.
01:10:51I'm throwing passes to a dolphin.
01:11:04Damn!
01:11:05Go get some more fish!
01:11:07I'm gonna kill that dolphin.
01:11:10Lovely party.
01:11:12Pity I wasn't invited.
01:11:26Where the hell's the smelt?
01:11:36Unconscious. Exactly as I planned.
01:11:47What the hell was that?
01:12:00Shit!
01:12:07What happened? What's going on?
01:12:10You okay?
01:12:11Guess what?
01:12:13It's naptime!
01:12:17What a hit!
01:12:21Heads up!
01:12:29Who are you?
01:12:31Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. I've been sent with a special play:
01:12:35The quarterback sneak.
01:12:37Penalty!
01:12:39Too many men on the field.
01:12:42I warned you, Ventura.
01:12:45Whatever happened to "Ace"?
01:12:47Good question.
01:12:49Be careful with that phone. In time, you could develop a tumor.
01:12:54Aguado, it's Lieutenant Einhorn.
01:12:57Send some men over to the Hallandale yacht basin.
01:13:01I've got the kidnapper trapped in the warehouse.
01:13:04It's Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.
01:13:10Code 11 in progress, 343 Victorville Road...
01:13:13... at the Palmdale basin.
01:13:15Officer needs backup. Suspect's name: Ace Ventura...
01:13:19... should be considered armed and dangerous.
01:13:22It's Ace. We gotta break out of here.
01:13:27Is he in trouble?
01:13:29Don't worry, if there's one thing I know...
01:13:32...there's nothing Ace can't handle.
01:13:34Don't kill me!
01:13:38Please!
01:13:40I'll never tell anyone, I swear.
01:13:43- He's who you want! Kill him! - Kill him!
01:13:46Kill him! He held the ball, remember?
01:13:49Come on, look at him!
01:13:50- Crybaby! - Jock!
01:13:52- Wimp. - Musclehead.
01:13:53Shut up!
01:13:55I think I'll kill the dolphin first. I wouldn't want you to miss that.
01:14:00And there's the snap.
01:14:02The kick!
01:14:03And it's good!
01:14:05Good to see somebody who doesn't buckle under the pressure!
01:14:13What would you know about pressure?
01:14:18Well, I have kissed a man.
01:14:21Of course, there's never been a more crucial kick in a Super Bowl...
01:14:26... than the "kick heard around the world."
01:14:29I mean, it's clear to me that it was a good hold. Finkle just booted it.
01:14:35The laces were in!
01:14:37They were in!
01:14:59You like that?
01:15:01You like that?
01:15:07And that! And that!
01:15:20Having a little trouble with the lady?
01:15:23You don't understand...
01:15:24...she's a...
01:15:28Get him, Lois! Get him!
01:15:34Get him!
01:15:42Shoot him!
01:15:46- Shoot him! - Hold your fire!
01:15:49Don't shoot!
01:15:51Put your guns down, or this cop gets it!
01:15:54I mean it!
01:15:56She's not joking!
01:15:58He kidnapped Snowflake!
01:16:00He killed Roger Podacter and was about to kill Marino and me!
01:16:07Fiction can be fun!
01:16:10But I find the reference section much more enlightening.
01:16:13For instance...
01:16:15...if you look up...
01:16:16...professional football's all-time bonehead plays...
01:16:21...you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle...
01:16:25...who missed a 26-yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl 17.
01:16:33You wouldn't read that Finkle was committed to a mental hospital...
01:16:37...only to escape and join the police...
01:16:40...in a scheme to get even with Marino...
01:16:44...whom he blamed for the entire thing!
01:16:47What are you talking about?
01:16:49She's not Lois Einhorn! She's Ray Finkle! She's a man!
01:16:54He's lying!
01:16:55Shoot him!
01:16:59Let's just see who's lying, shall we?
01:17:03Would a real woman have to wear one of these?
01:17:13Boy, that's really on there!
01:17:15But tell me this:
01:17:17Would a real woman...
01:17:19...be missing these?
01:17:27That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend.
01:17:30But I doubt very much...
01:17:33...if he could find the time during his busy schedule...
01:17:37...to get rid of...
01:17:38...big old...
01:17:39...Mr. Knish!
01:17:49Oh, boy!
01:17:54Come here.
01:17:55Would you excuse me for just one second?
01:18:07Ladies and gentlemen...
01:18:09...my esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino...
01:18:13...brought new evidence to my attention.
01:18:15Now...
01:18:16...history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive...
01:18:21...criminal investigator can be wrong.
01:18:24But if I am mistaken...
01:18:26...if the lieutenant is indeed a woman...
01:18:29...as she claims to be...
01:18:32...then, my friend...
01:18:33...she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I have ever seen!
01:18:39That's why Roger Podacter is dead!
01:18:42He found Captain Winkie!
01:18:54Good night!
01:18:55You've been a wonderful audience. Be sure to tip your waitress.
01:19:03Die, animal boy!
01:19:06Quick decision.
01:19:28Loser!
01:19:38You have any more gum?
01:19:40That's none of your damn business. Stay out of my personal affairs.
01:19:45You're a weird guy, Ace. A weird guy.
01:19:49Ladies and gentlemen...
01:19:52... the Miami Dolphins are proud...
01:19:54... to welcome back to Joe Robbie Stadium...
01:19:57... our beloved mascot...
01:19:59... and the star of our halftime show:
01:20:02Snowflake!
01:20:10And now...
01:20:12... returning for the second half, the Dolphins' most valuable player...
01:20:17... Dan Marino!
01:21:05Idiot!
01:21:07Do you know what you've done? You just cost me 25 grand, Polly.
01:21:12Yeah? Blow me!
01:21:16Really?
01:21:32The National Football League...
01:21:34... would like to offer a special thank- you to the man who rescued Dan Marino...
01:21:39... and our beloved Snowflake.
01:21:41A great humanitarian...
01:21:43... and a lover of all animals:
01:21:45Mr. Ace Ventura!
01:21:50Get off me!
01:21:53Get off me!
01:21:59Tone, put that big-ass size 13 on and kick it for the homies.
01:25:39English Subtitles by GELULA & CO., INC.

Contact Us

Copyrighted materials can be found on this site which have not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. These materials are distributed under what we believe to be fair use in the United States as we are offering these materials for educational purposes only, we do not generate any profit from the operation of this site, clips are limited in terms of length, and our existence will not have an effect on the work's value. If you are a user who wishes to use copyrighted materials for purposes other than those covered under fair use, consult an attorney. We can not offer any guidance in this area. If you are the owner of copyrighted material and wish to have it removed from our site, contact us directly. We'll take it down.