Bridesmaids

00:00:43ANNIE: (BREATHING HEAVILY) I'm so... I'm so glad you called.
00:00:45TED: I'm so glad you were free.
00:00:47ANNIE: God, I love your eyes.
00:00:50Okay, now what?
00:00:53TED: Cup my balls.
00:00:54ANNIE: Okay, yes. All right. I can do that.
00:00:57TED: Oh! There it is. ANNIE: There we go.
00:00:59(MOANING)
00:01:00That feels good.
00:01:02You know what to do. (LAUGHING)
00:01:06Okay, you know what? Slow it down, slow it down.
00:01:08Okay. Slow it down.
00:01:11There we go. How's that?
00:01:12That's good, nice and slow. See? Doesn't that feel good?
00:01:16Yeah. No, I want to go fast.
00:01:17You want to go fast? Fast.
00:01:19(GRUNTING)
00:01:22Yeah. No...
00:01:24Oh, yeah. That feels good.
00:01:25Oh, Yeah.
00:01:27Yeah.
00:01:29(MOANING LOUDLY)
00:01:30Okay. You know what? I think...
00:01:32I think maybe we are on different rhythms here.
00:01:33(PANTING)
00:01:36(BREATHING HEAVILY)
00:01:38(GRUNTING)
00:01:40(LAUGHING)
00:02:07(CLEARS THROAT)
00:02:13(SIGHING)
00:02:19(GASPS)
00:02:20I was having a nightmare. I was so scared.
00:02:23(CHUCKLING)
00:02:25Good morning.
00:02:28You look beautiful.
00:02:30No, I'm sure I look terrible.
00:02:32I just woke up. Are you kidding?
00:02:34I'm sure I'm a mess.
00:02:36(CHUCKLES)
00:02:37You slept over.
00:02:38I did.
00:02:40I thought we had a rule against that.
00:02:43Oh.
00:02:44I'm kidding. Oh. (LAUGHS)
00:02:46That was funny. I'm kidding.
00:02:47You're funny in the morning.
00:02:49I like hanging out with you. Oh. Yeah.
00:02:51I love hanging out with you. I think we get along really well
00:02:54and you're so sexy.
00:02:58I know.
00:03:01I just have a lot coming up at work
00:03:05and I don't want to make promises I can't keep.
00:03:08You know what I mean? I know you do.
00:03:10Yeah. We're on the same page.
00:03:12I'm not looking for a relationship right now, either. Let's just say that.
00:03:15Whatever you wanna... I can do...
00:03:18I'd rather just... I like simple... I'm not like other girls.
00:03:22I'm not like, "Be my boyfriend!" Unless you were like, "Yeah!"
00:03:25Then I'd be like, "Maybe." (CHUCKLES)
00:03:28Mmm. But let's not.
00:03:30I don't want that either.
00:03:43Wow, this is so awkward. I really want you to leave,
00:03:45but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick.
00:04:16(MACHINE WHIRRING)
00:04:48Come on! Hands behind your heads! Let's go! Sit-ups!
00:04:51You're looking like pieces of bacon on a plate.
00:04:54It's disgusting! I smell the fat!
00:04:58(GROANING) He scares me. (GRUNTING) Me, too.
00:05:00LILLIAN: But he's an excellent motivator.
00:05:01That's true.
00:05:02What are you looking at?
00:05:05Oh, Shit, he sees us. Oh, God.
00:05:07Hey! Hey!
00:05:09If you want to take this class,
00:05:11you're going to have to pay for it
00:05:13like the rest of these bitches!
00:05:15What, are you dancing? In the park... Dance class?
00:05:18You are not dancing. You are not dancing in the park!
00:05:21Go, go, go, go! INSTRUCTOR: Freeloaders!
00:05:23I'm coming over there.
00:05:24Is he coming? INSTRUCTOR: I'm coming after you!
00:05:26Sorry, Rodney. We're on a budget.
00:05:28INSTRUCTOR: Oh, come on! It's only 12 bucks!
00:05:31Oh, my God!
00:05:32Come on! You fucking freeloaders.
00:05:38We are out of our minds. I know.
00:05:39That's okay. I'm so glad that we got to do this.
00:05:41I feel like I haven't seen you in forever.
00:05:43Mmm. I've been in Chicago a lot.
00:05:44I know. Sleeping at Dougie's house.
00:05:46Well, it's just closer to work.
00:05:48How is it going with him anyway?
00:05:51I don't know. I mean, it's fine,
00:05:53but I just feel like he's been distant lately.
00:05:55And I don't know...
00:05:57He calls me "dude" a lot.
00:05:59That doesn't mean anything.
00:06:00I think everything is fine.
00:06:02I don't know. Anyway,
00:06:03what did you do last night?
00:06:06Umm...
00:06:07What did you do last night?
00:06:10(GASPS)
00:06:11You are not telling me something.
00:06:14I hung out with Ted for a little bit.
00:06:16I knew it! We had fun.
00:06:19It was fun. Here's what I don't like about it.
00:06:21You hate yourself after you see him, every time.
00:06:25And then we go through this, and then you feel like shit,
00:06:27and it's almost like you're doing it
00:06:28because you feel bad about yourself.
00:06:30He called me late, and we hung out.
00:06:34It wasn't a big deal. And you know what? It was fun.
00:06:38Ew! You had sex with him.
00:06:40We had an adult sleepover.
00:06:44Ooh. Did you let him sleep over in your mouth?
00:06:49Annie! I'm sorry!
00:06:51You're unbelievable. He kept putting it near my face.
00:06:55They do that, don't they?
00:06:57Why do they do that? Let us offer.
00:06:58If we don't offer...
00:06:59Please. You're supposed to slap it away.
00:07:00I couldn't.
00:07:04You don't want to look right at it.
00:07:05No.
00:07:06It's too aggressive. It's like...
00:07:10"Hello."
00:07:11That's my impression.
00:07:12Those are the balls?
00:07:13Yeah. I'm trying to make it round,
00:07:15but I can't because I have elbows.
00:07:19He is so hot, though.
00:07:20Look, I know you say he's cute and all that stuff,
00:07:25but it makes you feel like shit, you know?
00:07:27You're a total catch, and any guy
00:07:29would be psyched to be your man.
00:07:31You should just make room
00:07:34for somebody who is nice to you.
00:07:36You know what? He's honest!
00:07:38He told me that we are what we are
00:07:40and we're just having fun. And I like that.
00:07:42He also told you that you need dental work. He's an asshole.
00:07:47I don't need dental work.
00:07:51You're right.
00:07:53There is nothing wrong with my teeth.
00:07:54You are so beautiful.
00:07:56Will you marry me? Yes.
00:07:59(BOTH GIGGLING)
00:08:01I love you.
00:08:04I don't want to go to work today. Mmm-mmm.
00:08:07Let's see how many times Terry's called me.
00:08:09Oh! Only 15!
00:08:11You know what, Terry? I don't want
00:08:12to pick up your monkey lamps. Sorry!
00:08:14Monkey lamps?
00:08:16Ugh. I cannot wait to never work for a psychopath again.
00:08:20Oh! Annie!
00:08:22I'm sorry. I should have gone down Mason.
00:08:25ANNIE: Well, I'm the genius that opened a bakery during the recession.
00:08:29They were good cakes, Annie.
00:08:31Thank you.
00:08:33Come on. Look away, look away, look away.
00:08:39Do you have any ideas of styles?
00:08:41Oh, I don't know. What do you think, honey?
00:08:42Whatever you want.
00:08:44Look at how you guys are making this decision together.
00:08:46That's sweet. You guys love each other, huh?
00:08:48Yeah. Yeah.
00:08:50Ohh! That's sweet. That will go away.
00:08:52(CHUCKLES)
00:08:55(WHISPERING) You cannot trust anybody, ever.
00:09:01Especially someone you're in a relationship with.
00:09:03'Cause they're living with you, you don't
00:09:04know who you're sleeping next to. It is scary.
00:09:06I mean, look at him. He may not even be Asian.
00:09:10It is scary.
00:09:14So did you guys want to look at these engagement rings?
00:09:17We're going to browse. Okay, sure.
00:09:19I'll be here.
00:09:24Thank you.
00:09:26What was that about?
00:09:28Umm, nothing. They had to run. They had to go somewhere.
00:09:31And no wonder. You're selling lifelong happiness.
00:09:33You're not telling everyone about your problems
00:09:36and how your boyfriend left you,
00:09:37and maybe marriage will work out.
00:09:39Show me your "love is eternal" face.
00:09:44No, that's two years, four years tops. That is not eternal.
00:09:48Kahlua, can you come over here for a second, please?
00:09:50What's up, Don-Don?
00:09:52You make up the best nicknames.
00:09:54You don't need a nickname because Kahlua is so delicious.
00:09:57Don't sue me for touching you.
00:09:59Show Annie your "love is eternal" face.
00:10:09That looks like you have menstrual cramps.
00:10:12Thank you so much, Kahlua.
00:10:17Now, why can't you be more like Kahlua?
00:10:19Look, I'm trying really hard.
00:10:20You've just got to try harder.
00:10:21The whole reason you have got this job, Annie,
00:10:23is because your mom is my sponsor in AA, and I'm doing her a favor.
00:10:26I understand.
00:10:29Oscar, get back to work.
00:10:33You shouldn't be behind the counter.
00:10:41MAN ON TV: Andrew, you are not the father!
00:10:44(WHOOPING ON TV) (BRYNN GIGGLING)
00:10:46That's great. Yeah.
00:10:50Stop that. Don't do that. (DOOR OPENING)
00:10:54Hey, Brynn.
00:10:55Oh, hey, roomie.
00:10:58Guess what happened to me today. Hmm. What?
00:11:00I got a free tattoo. You did what?
00:11:02I could not believe it. The guy said, "Do you want a tattoo?"
00:11:05Just a random...
00:11:06Yeah, opened up the side of his van. No.
00:11:08He said, "It's for free!" And I said, "Sure."
00:11:11You said yes? Yeah!
00:11:12Yeah. Look. See here?
00:11:14What is it?
00:11:16See that?
00:11:18Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Brynn!
00:11:20It's a Mexican drinking worm.
00:11:23It's a Native American symbol meaning "wasted."
00:11:26Okay, Brynn, just so you know, it's...
00:11:28Gil, hi. Hello. How are you?
00:11:30Have you seen your sister's tattoo? It's really infected.
00:11:33Better get a little bit of ice on it.
00:11:34Yeah, a little bit.
00:11:35Stick some frozen peas on there.
00:11:36Yeah. It can't hurt. All right.
00:11:39So, I just wanted a quick word.
00:11:42You know that tomorrow the rent is due.
00:11:44I was getting my check, and I wondered
00:11:45if I could get your check, too?
00:11:47Yes. I'm getting the money.
00:11:49It's been a little slow.
00:11:52(MOANING)
00:11:54You have to keep it in the bag and put the bag on it.
00:11:58(SIGHING)
00:12:03So, the check?
00:12:06Yes. Yes. Yeah.
00:12:07Because it's a kind of, like, "needing it today"-type situation.
00:12:11It's coming.
00:12:13(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
00:12:14LILLIAN: Who is it? ANNIE: Me!
00:12:16Who is it?
00:12:17Oh, my God. Hurry up, your creepy neighbor asked me
00:12:19if I wanted to watch the news again.
00:12:20Sorry. He is so gross.
00:12:22(IMITATING ACCENT) Please, come on in. Let me take your magazines.
00:12:25Welcome to the magazine and wine party. Ooh!
00:12:28Have a seat.
00:12:30I'm very happy that you are here.
00:12:32What? Because I want to eat an apple.
00:12:35Would you like some apple?
00:12:40What is that? I got engaged.
00:12:42What? He asked me last night.
00:12:44What? I know!
00:12:46That's why he's been acting so weird
00:12:47'cause he's a terrible liar, and he thought he was gonna blow it.
00:12:49He was ignoring me and I thought
00:12:51he was going to break up with me.
00:12:52Oh, my gosh.
00:12:53(WHIMPERING)
00:12:55Oh, my gosh!
00:12:56I know!
00:12:58Lil!
00:12:59I'm shocked, still.
00:13:01But I'm happy. Can you believe this?
00:13:02Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I just got hot.
00:13:05You did? Are you okay?
00:13:06Yes. My pits are sweating.
00:13:07My stomach hurts. I'm hot. What does that mean?
00:13:09Oh, my God! (EXCLAIMING) What is happening?
00:13:12I don't know. I'm wearing a ring.
00:13:15I can't believe it.
00:13:16Lil, you're getting married.
00:13:18I'm getting married.
00:13:19And you'll be my maid of honor.
00:13:22God, of course I will!
00:13:24It will be super fun. It's gonna be really fun.
00:13:26Yeah. You know, we can plan everything together.
00:13:28My God! Planning your wedding...
00:13:30Are you sure you're up for it?
00:13:32I know it's a lot to ask and to put on your plate.
00:13:34And you're going through a tricky time, and you're super-busy...
00:13:37Stop. It's a lot to ask.
00:13:39Stop. Okay.
00:13:40It's fine. And I'm more than happy to do it, and it's not too much.
00:13:44(CELL PHONE RINGING)
00:13:45Oh! Look at that. It's my fiancé calling.
00:13:47Oh, your fiancé.
00:13:48Hi, baby, what's up?
00:13:50(BOTH CHEERING)
00:13:52It's Annie. I just told her! Yeah, she's so happy.
00:13:55No, I'm not!
00:13:57"Yay," she said.
00:13:59(CHUCKLING)
00:14:00What, baby?
00:14:02I know, I miss you, too.
00:14:04(LAUGHING)
00:14:05Yeah, I'll meet you in an hour.
00:14:08I love you, too.
00:14:10(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
00:14:33ANNIE: Wow.
00:14:35Wynonna Judd.
00:14:37That's really good.
00:14:38Painting those giant bangs was a royal pain in my can.
00:14:42And those teeth! I should have painted her mouth shut.
00:14:45Can you just get dressed? We're gonna be late for the engagement party.
00:14:48Oh, I forgot to tell you, honey. What?
00:14:49Forgot to tell you. What?
00:14:50I signed up to speak at AA tonight, and I just have to.
00:14:54Mom! No.
00:14:55I forgot. I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:14:58I keep telling you, you're not supposed to go to those things.
00:15:00You're not an alcoholic.
00:15:02Only because I've never had a drink.
00:15:04What? They are inspiring.
00:15:07There is this one story I've just got to tell you. Sit down.
00:15:10Okay.
00:15:11This gentleman
00:15:13who started blow-jobbing to get crack. His name is Marvin Johnson...
00:15:16Mom, anonymous. You keep... It's no names. Okay, okay.
00:15:20Forget it. Marvin J. Whatever.
00:15:22Too late. Well, he became a gay prostitute.
00:15:25And he realized that he had hit his bottom.
00:15:27And I have been thinking, honey,
00:15:30that maybe this is your bottom.
00:15:33I'm telling you, hitting bottom is a good thing.
00:15:37Because there's nowhere to go but up.
00:15:40Right? Yep. That's what you say.
00:15:42Yeah, a positive message. Yeah.
00:15:44Yeah. Thanks for the pep talk, Mom.
00:15:46Honey. Anytime, anytime.
00:15:48All right. I guess I'm going to Lillian's party by myself, then.
00:15:52Don't talk to me about being by yourself.
00:15:54I go everywhere by myself.
00:15:56Thanks to that new whore, Barb.
00:15:58Mom, come on. No, I don't like to say it.
00:16:00They've been married 12 years.
00:16:02Okay. But she's still a whore.
00:16:03I'm sure she greets him in the evening, beaver first.
00:16:09I don't want to think about that.
00:16:10I bet she got that car by giving your dad something sexually.
00:16:14'Cause there was one thing I would never do,
00:16:16and I'm sure Barb is a champion at it.
00:16:18I don't want to know.
00:16:19It's called a "chicken coop." Of course it is.
00:16:21You start at the back and you peck your way
00:16:23to the front like you have a beak.
00:16:25And then you end up with two eggs in your mouth.
00:16:30That's gross.
00:16:31Well, I'm sure your dad likes it.
00:16:32Of course, he grew up on a farm.
00:16:35Okay.
00:16:37You sure you don't want to move in with me?
00:16:39Mom, thanks, but no way.
00:16:42No way in hell. Yeah?
00:16:43No, thanks.
00:16:45Think about it. Okay.
00:16:46You don't need your own place.
00:16:47Yeah, I kind of do. Okay.
00:16:50All right, I'm going to go. All right.
00:17:13Holy shit.
00:17:15(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
00:17:17Ohh. Valet. Perfect.
00:17:19(CLEARS THROAT)
00:17:22Sorry. Needs a wash.
00:17:29(ENGINE STALLS)
00:17:31You have to punch it a few times (ENGINE CRANKING)
00:17:36(GUESTS CHATTERING)
00:17:38(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
00:17:46Annie!
00:17:48Oh, my God!
00:17:50Oh, my God, Lillian. I know.
00:17:52This is your engagement party. Isn't that crazy?
00:17:55It's so beautiful.
00:17:56I can't believe Dougie's boss is a member here.
00:17:58I know, and his parents, too. And Dougie, I guess.
00:18:02Gosh, and me, I guess, too, now.
00:18:05Come on, let's go say hi to the rest of the bridal party!
00:18:08You remember my cousin Rita?
00:18:10Rita. Annie.
00:18:12I haven't seen you since you graduated high school.
00:18:16She has three kids now.
00:18:18Three boys. LILLIAN: They're so cute.
00:18:20They are cute, but when they reach that age,
00:18:23they are disgusting.
00:18:24They smell, they are sticky,
00:18:26they say things that are horrible,
00:18:28and there is semen all over everything, okay?
00:18:32Disgusting.
00:18:33I cracked a blanket in half.
00:18:35Do you get where I'm going with that? I do.
00:18:37I cracked it in half.
00:18:38What?
00:18:40LILLIAN: Annie, this is Becca, my friend from work.
00:18:42We are in the trenches together.
00:18:43Hey. It's great to meet you. Hey, how are you?
00:18:45Nice to meet you.
00:18:46This is my husband, Kevin.
00:18:47Hi. "Husband."
00:18:48I like to say it. We are newlyweds.
00:18:50Wow. Congratulations.
00:18:51Thank you so much.
00:18:53We went on a sweetheart honeymoon. Oh.
00:18:56Where did you guys go?
00:18:57Disney World. Disney World.
00:18:59We finish each other's sentences. Sorry.
00:19:03(BOTH GIGGLING)
00:19:05Sorry. Is this your husband?
00:19:08No, no, no, no, no.
00:19:10I don't know him. I'm sorry.
00:19:12Do you want to go for a walk later?
00:19:15Oh. I can't.
00:19:17All right. I can't. I'm sorry.
00:19:19I'm so sorry.
00:19:20I'm not with anybody. I'm here solo.
00:19:23Let's start it again. I'm Becca. Rewind.
00:19:26This is my husband. You don't have a husband.
00:19:30Sorry.
00:19:31And this is Dougie's sister, Megan.
00:19:34Hey. ANNIE: Hi.
00:19:36My grandma is not supposed to have wine. I'll be right back.
00:19:41Hey. Hey. How is it going?
00:19:43It's going great. It's going great. I'm on the mend.
00:19:46I just got some pins in my legs.
00:19:48Believe it or not, pins in my legs, I can still do this. Right?
00:19:52I fell off a cruise ship, but I'm back.
00:19:55Oh, shit. Yeah, "Oh, shit."
00:19:57Yeah, "Oh, shit."
00:19:59Took a hard, hard, violent fall. Kind of pinballed down.
00:20:02Hit a lot of railings, broke a lot of shit.
00:20:05I'm not going to say I survived, I'm going to say I thrived.
00:20:08I met a dolphin down there.
00:20:10And I swear to God, that dolphin looked not at me,
00:20:13but into my soul.
00:20:15Into my goddamn soul, Annie.
00:20:17And he said, "I'm saving you, Megan."
00:20:19Not with his mouth, but he said it, I'm assuming, telepathically.
00:20:24We had a connection that I don't even know if I can... Jesus.
00:20:29(MAKING GARBLED SOUNDS)
00:20:30Hey, shut my mouth. Look at... Unbelievable.
00:20:33You must be Annie's fella.
00:20:35I'm Megan. It's a pleasure.
00:20:37He's not... I'm not... He's not... I'm not with him.
00:20:40Sorry. All right.
00:20:42I'm glad he's single, because I'm going to climb that like a tree.
00:20:46Okay. You have to meet Helen.
00:20:49There she is. Helen.
00:20:54LILLIAN: Come here!
00:21:00Helen, this is Annie.
00:21:02Hi! Ohh!
00:21:03There she is. Maid of honor.
00:21:06So lovely to meet Lillian's childhood friend.
00:21:10You are so pretty.
00:21:12You are so cute! You are so sweet.
00:21:16Helen is married to Dougie's boss, Mr. Harris. Perry.
00:21:20Perry. And they are so close now,
00:21:22they are literally joined at the hip.
00:21:24Which is good, because so are we.
00:21:26I know. I'm so glad you guys are finally meeting.
00:21:29I know. Me, too. I know. It's lovely.
00:21:32Well, excuse me, I better go check on the hors d'oeuvres.
00:21:34But it was great to finally meet you.
00:21:36It's a great party.
00:21:38Enjoy. LILLIAN: Bye.
00:21:39Bye. HELEN: Bye.
00:21:44She's great, isn't she?
00:21:45She's awesome.
00:21:48LILLIAN'S DAD: And I really look forward to having Doug as part of our family.
00:21:52So much so that you two should get married right now
00:21:54and save me a shitload of money.
00:21:56(ALL LAUGHING) Dad.
00:21:57Everybody always laughs at that, but I'm not joking.
00:22:01(ALL LAUGHING)
00:22:03I'm not joking.
00:22:04(CHUCKLING)
00:22:05Anyway, I want to thank all of you for coming.
00:22:09And here's to Doug and my baby girl, Lillian.
00:22:12Cheers! Cheers!
00:22:14I love you, Dad. LILLIAN’S DAD: Enough of me.
00:22:16Let's get the maid of honor up here.
00:22:18All right. Annie?
00:22:20(CHEERING)
00:22:23Umm. Hi. I'm Annie Walker.
00:22:25Yay, Annie!
00:22:28I'm not going to go on with a big speech, so I'll just say this.
00:22:33I'm so happy to be a part of this celebration.
00:22:36And you two deserve each other,
00:22:38as well as a lifetime of happiness.
00:22:40Thank you. ANNIE: Cheers.
00:22:41Love you guys. GUESTS :Cheers.
00:22:43Thanks, Annie. Cheers.
00:22:47Thank you, Annie. That was so sweet. Thank you.
00:22:50Lil, remember that trip we took to Miami with the boys?
00:22:55And they were working the entire weekend,
00:22:57and we just sat and drank wine and ate peanut brittle.
00:22:59And I shared things with you that I've never shared with anyone.
00:23:04And you made me realize how I can trust people again.
00:23:09So let me just say,
00:23:12Lillian, you are my best friend.
00:23:15(CRYING) And I'm so proud of you.
00:23:19Sorry. And, Dougly...
00:23:22I'm sorry, inside joke.
00:23:27You better not keep my Lil on a leash
00:23:29because I still need my drunken Saturday nights
00:23:31at Rockin' Sushi, okay?
00:23:33(CHEERING)
00:23:34Everybody raise your glasses to the couple of the decade,
00:23:39Doug and Lillian.
00:23:41(WHOOPING)
00:23:43(GUESTS WHOOPING)
00:23:48Have a great night. Dessert wine is out.
00:23:50Dessert wine, yummy. Excuse me.
00:23:54Umm...
00:23:55I just wanted to say really quick that (SIGHING)
00:23:58you are so special to me, because...
00:24:02Well, one of the reasons is because I've known you my whole entire life.
00:24:05And you've really helped shape who I am.
00:24:09I just want to thank you for carefully selecting me
00:24:13as your maid of honor.
00:24:15I know you had some other choices,
00:24:19but you are like my sister, and I love you.
00:24:22Well, that concludes the speeches for the night.
00:24:25Thank you. One last thing.
00:24:26It's rare to meet someone as an adult who you really connect with,
00:24:30and that's you, Lil.
00:24:31I went to Thailand recently with my husband, Perry,
00:24:34and there is a beautiful saying that I learned there.
00:24:37(SPEAKING THAI)
00:24:45It means, "You are a part of me,
00:24:48"a part that I could never live without,
00:24:50"and I hope and I pray that I never have to."
00:24:55(THANKING IN THAI)
00:24:59(BOTH THANKING IN THAI)
00:25:00And that's it for tonight. Thank you for coming.
00:25:02Really quick, Thank you all for coming.
00:25:03I just wanted to say really quick...
00:25:05Dessert wine is out. Consuelo?
00:25:07Really quick. Speaking of Consuelo,
00:25:08Lillian and I took Spanish together in school.
00:25:13And so, I would just like to say to you, and to everyone here...
00:25:17(SPEAKING SPANISH)
00:25:39Thank you.
00:25:40Thank you. I feel so close to you and can trust you.
00:25:43You are my angel and soul mate.
00:25:46And I feel I can communicate with you with simply a look.
00:25:54Thank you for coming.
00:25:56Here, I'll take that. I'll take that.
00:26:00Yep, I got it.
00:26:03Lillian...
00:26:13Keep smiling, keep shining
00:26:16Knowing you can always count on me
00:26:21For sure
00:26:23That's what friends are for
00:26:26In good times and bad times
00:26:28I'll be on your side forever more
00:26:34That's what friends are for
00:26:36That's what friends are for
00:26:42(GUESTS CHEERING)
00:26:51LILLIAN: Man, engagement parties rule.
00:26:53It made me feel awesome,
00:26:55like I can go out and catch another dude to marry.
00:27:01So, what's up with her, anyway? With Helen?
00:27:05What? I'm just like...
00:27:06I don't know. She's in your wedding
00:27:08and you've only known her eight months, though, right?
00:27:10Come on. Get it out, get it all out.
00:27:12I'm just... Like, the whole gown, and the...thing.
00:27:18It's just weird, right? You know what?
00:27:20She's actually really cool, Annie.
00:27:22She's really... She's a good one. I'm telling you.
00:27:25Well, I'm sure if you like her, I will like her.
00:27:29You have to just get to know her.
00:27:31Yeah. Which I think you really should.
00:27:33And... Will you just do me a favor?
00:27:35Would you just hang out with her once,
00:27:36just the two of you. All right?
00:27:38As a favor to me.
00:27:40Okay, I will.
00:27:41I love you, Annie Lou. I love you, too.
00:27:43Bye. Bye.
00:27:44(IMITATING VOICE) Oh. Hi, I'm Helen.
00:27:47You live in Milwaukee? I'm sorry.
00:27:50Have you met Lillian? She's my best friend.
00:27:52Yeah, I know. We've only known each other for five minutes.
00:27:54Oh! Oh!
00:27:56(TIRES SCREECHING)
00:28:00(SIREN WAILING) Oh! Cute.
00:28:03No. No. Come on.
00:28:11See? Okay? I'm not drunk. I told you.
00:28:15So, you are just a terrible sober driver?
00:28:17Ha ha. Very funny. Can I stop walking now?
00:28:19You can stop walking when I tell you to stop walking.
00:28:21Hey, look. If I was drunk,
00:28:23would I be able to do this?
00:28:43Stop it. Stop it. Please, stop.
00:28:46Please, stop. I believe you. You are not drunk.
00:28:48But I'm still gonna have to give you a ticket.
00:28:49What? Why?
00:28:51It's a funny thing about brake lights. You have to have them.
00:28:54I knew it. God, those have been out for a year.
00:28:57I'm so stupid.
00:28:59Look, please.
00:29:01Please, I promise I will get them fixed.
00:29:03This week, I promise. Please. Do you have to give me a ticket?
00:29:10Yes. License and registration, please.
00:29:19Thanks.
00:29:22Look at that, you live on Wynnewood Drive.
00:29:25Yep. We are neighbors.
00:29:27I just live over on Ashley. Ahh.
00:29:31I used to work on Ashley.
00:29:32You did? Where?
00:29:34I had a bakery on the main part of the street there.
00:29:41Oh. Cake Baby.
00:29:45You are Cake Baby! Yeah!
00:29:47Yeah, you had your sign. It was your face.
00:29:50Yeah! That was you?
00:29:51That was me.
00:29:53You made good cakes.
00:29:56Thanks.
00:29:58You used to make these little pastry things,
00:30:01and you'd put something in them, like a cream or a custard...
00:30:05Cream puffs.
00:30:06Cream puffs, that's what you call them. Delicious.
00:30:09I used to get served by this tall, broad guy,
00:30:13with, like, a wormy face.
00:30:15Yeah, that was my boyfriend.
00:30:19Sorry. No, no. It was...
00:30:21He was my boyfriend, and then he left me
00:30:24when the business went under. So, anyway...
00:30:28You're kidding?
00:30:31What a dick.
00:30:34I'm glad I never tipped him.
00:30:41You know what? Let's forget about this.
00:30:43Let's just forget this one. Really?
00:30:45Under one condition. What? What?
00:30:47Get your taillights fixed...
00:30:48I promise. I promise I will. I promise. Thank you.
00:30:50...before you kill someone.
00:30:51I'm not going to kill anybody.
00:30:52All right. Here, there's your ID.
00:30:54And I'm going to give you this.
00:30:56It's a buddy of mine. He has a body shop in Milwaukee.
00:30:58He'll fix those right up for you.
00:31:01Bill Cozbi?
00:31:03Yeah, with a "Z."
00:31:04Different guy. Yeah.
00:31:06And don't mention the whole "Bill Cosby" thing to him.
00:31:09It drives him nuts. I mean it.
00:31:11Okay, I get it. Thanks.
00:31:14You know what? If you mention my name, that I referred you,
00:31:17he'll give you a particularly good deal.
00:31:18My gosh. Thank you.
00:31:21I really appreciate it. Thanks.
00:31:23Okay. Well, I appreciated your cakes.
00:31:26So, we are even.
00:31:28That's me, there. Rhodes. Officer Rhodes.
00:31:30That's really nice of you.
00:31:35Thank you. (ENGINE STARTS)
00:31:37We are not all bad.
00:31:38What?
00:31:40I was just saying, we are not all bad!
00:31:41Oh. Yeah.
00:31:43Actually, the rest of them are, but not me.
00:31:46I'm the best of them.
00:31:47Okay. Thank you.
00:31:49Anyway.
00:31:51Thank you.
00:33:42I didn't know you played tennis.
00:33:43Yeah, I played a little in high school.
00:33:45I'm so glad we were able to do this.
00:33:47I'm really glad we could do this, too. It's nice we get to hang out.
00:33:50I know, right? Yeah.
00:33:51It's too bad Lillian couldn't play with us today.
00:33:53Poor thing, she is so busy.
00:33:54Ohh. I know.
00:33:56But she's not really that into sports.
00:33:58Even when we were little, she didn't like anything
00:34:00that was too competitive.
00:34:01She certainly enjoys playing tennis now.
00:34:04It's funny how people change, isn't it?
00:34:07Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Do people really change?
00:34:10I think they do.
00:34:11Yeah, but, I mean, they still stay who they are, pretty much.
00:34:15I think we change all the time.
00:34:18I think we stay the same, but grow, I guess, a little bit.
00:34:22I think if you are growing, then you are changing.
00:34:24But, I mean, we are changing from who we are, which we always stay as.
00:34:28Not really, I don't think so.
00:34:29I think so. I don't.
00:34:31(BOTH CHUCKLE)
00:34:32Annie! These are my kids.
00:34:34Step-kids. Step.
00:34:36(LAUGHING LOUDLY)
00:34:38They are so hilarious.
00:34:39Funny.
00:34:40Excuse me, my husband's kids.
00:34:43HELEN: What are you guys up to?
00:34:45Going to the snack bar.
00:34:46Awesome. You need a ride home later?
00:34:48Fuck off, Helen.
00:34:50Okay. Put a quarter in the swear-jar.
00:34:54Good to see you.
00:34:56They are so cute.
00:34:57Sweet kids.
00:35:16(EXCLAIMS)
00:35:22(GROANING)
00:35:30Carol!
00:35:32Get your shit together, Carol!
00:35:36(SCREAMING)
00:35:41(GRUNTING)
00:35:43(EXCLAIMS)
00:35:45(SCREAMING)
00:35:46Yes!
00:35:47(ANNIE WHOOPING)
00:35:50I've seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial.
00:35:58Umm...
00:35:59I've been thinking, and...
00:36:01Brynn needs to start paying rent. That's it.
00:36:04She's been here long enough.
00:36:05The three of us live here, it's not fair for me to be paying half.
00:36:09We split it three ways. What do you say?
00:36:11Well, she can't work. She's on a tourist visa.
00:36:14Yeah. So, technically, I'm only allowed to tour.
00:36:16Well, you know...
00:36:18I have no way of earning money,
00:36:19unless I just go and prostitute down on the street.
00:36:22I don't want you to do that, no.
00:36:24"Hello, fellas. Here I am."
00:36:26Yeah, but we... "Put your American sausage
00:36:27"in my English McMuffin."
00:36:29No, we did that. All right.
00:36:30Okay, I don't even know what you're talking about anymore.
00:36:32There's three people living here. Yeah.
00:36:34If she doesn't start paying...
00:36:36BRYNN: I'm not. ...she has to leave.
00:36:38Is this about the diary again?
00:36:39What diary?
00:36:41Your diary proved very interesting to read.
00:36:44You read my... You read my journal?
00:36:46At first, I did not know that it was your diary.
00:36:49I thought it was a very sad, hand-written book.
00:36:53What? That does not make any...
00:36:55But, because of the deep personal details
00:36:57and the bits that mentioned Gil and Brynn... ANNIE: No, no, no, no.
00:36:59Don't read my journal! GIL: And the crumbs.
00:37:01Then... Don't go in my room!
00:37:02Well, hello! I think, before you make those sort of demands,
00:37:07you need to, maybe, think about
00:37:08putting a note on your door saying,
00:37:10"Do not come into my room, read my diary and wear my clothes."
00:37:24BECCA: Wow, I've never been to this part of town before.
00:37:26Look, you can get your checks cashed next door.
00:37:28I know it looks a little scary on the outside,
00:37:30but the food is really good, authentic Brazilian.
00:37:33ANNIE: I'm telling you, this is where Brazilians come to eat.
00:37:35I got to say, Annie's really good at this.
00:37:36She always drags me to the weirdest places
00:37:38and the food is always incredible.
00:37:40And plus, you get a lot for your money, too. So that's good.
00:37:44All right. Let's do it. Let's do it.
00:37:46Whoa! Somebody likes Brazilian food.
00:37:53To my bridesmaids.
00:37:54Cheers. ALL: Cheers.
00:37:57Cheers to Lil!
00:37:58This is such a stone-cold pack of weirdos, and I'm so proud.
00:38:02And I just want to toast all of you ladies.
00:38:05I'm so happy to get to know you guys,
00:38:06and happy to say that I have four new friends.
00:38:09Absolutely. Cheers.
00:38:12So, Annie, do you have a date for the wedding?
00:38:15Um...
00:38:17I don't... I don't think I'm bringing anybody, I guess.
00:38:21Please, can I set you up? Please?
00:38:23Annie, you can't go to the wedding alone. Please?
00:38:26If you go alone, people might think you're a prostitute.
00:38:28Maybe.
00:38:31I'm sorry.
00:38:32(WAITER SPEAKING SPANISH)
00:38:34I hope that you're all hungry for churrasco Brasil. What would you like?
00:38:39Yeah, I'll have some of that, please.
00:38:40I'll start with this.
00:38:41I'd say yes. Hello, chicken.
00:38:44This is crazy good, ya'll.
00:38:46Helen, aren't you eating any meat?
00:38:49It's not good to eat a big meal before a fitting.
00:38:52I feel a bit bloated, so...
00:38:54Not me.
00:38:55HELEN: No? No. Physically, I don't bloat.
00:38:58Lucky. That is lucky.
00:39:00It's a gift.
00:39:02I can't wait to be married for as long as you've been married.
00:39:05And to have kids.
00:39:10And be a mom. Becca?
00:39:11Yeah?
00:39:14The other night, I'm slaving away,
00:39:16making a beautiful dinner for my family.
00:39:18My youngest boy comes in and says he wants to order a pizza.
00:39:22I said, "No, we're not ordering pizza tonight."
00:39:23He goes, "Mom, why don't you go and fuck yourself?"
00:39:26He's nine.
00:39:30Okay, now that Lillian's in the bathroom,
00:39:31I just wanted to talk to you guys about the shower really quick.
00:39:33I was thinking it could be French-themed,
00:39:37since she's always wanted to go to Paris her whole life.
00:39:41So I figured we could bring Paris here
00:39:44and have champagne and little cookies.
00:39:47They'd say "Lillian and Dougie" on them.
00:39:48We can dip them in chocolate fondue,
00:39:50and get cheese from the nice part of the store.
00:39:53I love that. Good idea, Annie.
00:39:55We can have French invitations, the whole thing.
00:39:57Don't you think that'd be nice?
00:39:58That's adorable! That's really cute.
00:40:00Good. Great.
00:40:02I don't know. It's really cute.
00:40:04But I feel like, personally, the Paris theme's
00:40:06a bit, "Been there, done that."
00:40:08I just feel like we can top it.
00:40:09We should throw some ideas around.
00:40:11See if anyone else has a theme they had in mind
00:40:13or something they'd been thinking of.
00:40:15What about a Pixar-themed shower?
00:40:18And we all come dressed as our favorite Pixar character.
00:40:20That, and I'll just snowball on top of that, also Fight Club.
00:40:26Female fight club.
00:40:28We grease up, we pull in.
00:40:30Lillian doesn't know, so it's, "Surprise! We're going to fight!"
00:40:34We beat the shit out of her.
00:40:36She's not going to forget that.
00:40:38We just fucking attack.
00:40:41Can I be honest? No.
00:40:43I'm at home with three boys all day, every day.
00:40:46What about the bachelorette party?
00:40:47That's what's more important.
00:40:49I've got a new tube top, I want to cut the tags off.
00:40:51I'd like to take advantage of this opportunity.
00:40:54Where are we going? MEGAN: I'm going to second her.
00:40:56We'd better blow this shit out. Yeah.
00:40:57That poor girl, Lillian, who we're all here for,
00:41:00is in the bathroom probably bawling her fucking eyes out.
00:41:03Because she's realizing, "Holy shit!
00:41:05"I've got to spend the rest of my life with Doug."
00:41:07He's my brother. I love him. But he is a fucking asshole.
00:41:10I think we can all agree on that, right?
00:41:13We can... We'll figure it out.
00:41:15I mean, I can think of stuff, and it will be great.
00:41:18We just have to make sure it's really, really special.
00:41:24Belle en Blanc? This is the place. Great job, Annie.
00:41:27Thanks. Annie.
00:41:32Belle en Blanc. Reservation name?
00:41:34I don't have one. We're just here to shop, just to try on some dresses.
00:41:38Okay. Well, the next available appointment
00:41:39for bridesmaids' fittings is in seven weeks.
00:41:41Absolutely no walk-ins.
00:41:43Whitney? It's Helen.
00:41:45Helen Harris? Yeah!
00:41:47Hi! Hi.
00:41:48Oh, my God. Hi. Listen, I'll buzz you right in.
00:41:50Great, thanks. Okay.
00:41:53Hello. Welcome, come in.
00:41:56You look wonderful. Great to see you.
00:41:57Welcome to Belle en Blanc, ladies.
00:41:59Welcome to heaven. LILLIAN: Thank you.
00:42:01MEGAN: Oh, man!
00:42:03This is some classy shit here. (BELCHES)
00:42:06Jesus, Megan!
00:42:08I'm sorry, I want to apologize.
00:42:09I'm not even confident on which end that came out of.
00:42:13Whitney, back to you. I'm sorry.
00:42:15Anyway, take a look around. Get to know the dresses.
00:42:18If you need anything, I'll be in my office.
00:42:20Have fun.
00:42:21Oh, my God.
00:42:25It's a Fritz Bernaise.
00:42:26Ladies, I... Oh, my God!
00:42:28I just don't think we can do any better. This is...
00:42:30This is beautiful. That is gorgeous.
00:42:32It's unique, it's special, it's couture.
00:42:34This is made in France.
00:42:36Helen, this is $800.
00:42:38Are you kidding? It's on sale.
00:42:40LILLIAN: Are you serious? Oh, my gosh. What a perfect combination.
00:42:42HELEN: You guys, it was meant to be.
00:42:43Oh. That's nice.
00:42:45There's other dresses we should be looking at.
00:42:49Nope, not that one.
00:42:52Lillian, Lillian, look at this one.
00:42:54Isn't this pretty? Yeah.
00:42:56It's really pretty and sweet, and...
00:42:58We don't want to upstage Lillian with a big fancy dress.
00:43:02Maybe we should just get something kind of simple.
00:43:04Oh.
00:43:05Please do not worry about upstaging me.
00:43:09Because guess who Helen is friends with
00:43:12and who's designing my wedding dress.
00:43:15Lady St. Petsois JuJu.
00:43:19I just sent my measurements to France, y'all.
00:43:21RITA: No, you didn't.
00:43:23Where were you when I was getting married?
00:43:24Ladies, let's not decide on this bridesmaids' dress straight away.
00:43:28Let's let our bodies decide.
00:43:29Try some things on and have some fun, okay?
00:43:32Yeah, let's have some fun, girls.
00:43:34Ladies, start your "engines."
00:43:37RITA: Oh, yeah. BECCA: Lil, Lil.
00:43:38LILLIAN: Amazing. This is so cool.
00:43:47(STOMACH GURGLING) (SIGHS)
00:43:49(CHATTERING)
00:43:51Ladies. Ladies, if I may interject.
00:43:54I just want to say you all look stunning.
00:43:56That's a given. Head to toe.
00:43:58But, sadly, we need to agree on one.
00:44:01Well, I mean, ladies, you all look beautiful.
00:44:04But I just think, personally, the Fritz Bernaise is just...
00:44:07I mean... It's a Bernaise.
00:44:09HELEN: This is one of a kind. I just...
00:44:11I don't think there is a question.
00:44:12No. No question.
00:44:14There might be a question.
00:44:16I might... I might have a question.
00:44:18I think this dress would look great on everybody.
00:44:20It's a great color. It's a great length.
00:44:22It's fun. You can twirl.
00:44:24You can move in it.
00:44:26You can spread your legs apart.
00:44:28And it's a great price.
00:44:31This is designer as well. (STOMACH GURGLING)
00:44:34Is anyone else hot?
00:44:35It is like an oven in here.
00:44:37Okay, well, maybe this might help you decide.
00:44:40While you gals were in the changing room,
00:44:42I happened to rustle up a two-year-old Lady JuJu dress in storage.
00:44:46I had Lillian put it on so you could see
00:44:48what you'll be standing next to.
00:44:50Lillian, honey.
00:44:51My God.
00:44:53(GIRLS GASPING)
00:44:55Beautiful length.
00:44:57Breathtaking.
00:44:58Holy shit! You look amazing.
00:45:02That's a dress. That dress is so pretty
00:45:03it makes my stomach hurt.
00:45:06Lillian,
00:45:08I don't know what to say. You look... (RETCHES)
00:45:13Megan, are you okay?
00:45:17(RETCHING AND FARTING)
00:45:18MEGAN: I think...
00:45:21My dress was probably just tight.
00:45:23Oh, my God.
00:45:24You got food poisoning from that restaurant, didn't you?
00:45:27No, I had the same thing that she had and I feel fine. (RETCHES)
00:45:30Oh, my... Okay. Oh, no.
00:45:32Why is this happening? Nothing is happening.
00:45:34(FARTING)
00:45:35Oh, my God. (FARTING)
00:45:37RITA: I don't really care which dress we get.
00:45:38It doesn't matter to me. I just need to get off this white carpet.
00:45:41Oh, God. Okay. No, not the bathroom.
00:45:42Everybody go outside. I'm serious!
00:45:45There is a bathroom across the street.
00:45:49I think everybody has the flu.
00:45:54Shit!
00:45:55(RETCHING VIOLENTLY)
00:45:56I need the toilet! I need the toilet!
00:45:59(GROANING)
00:46:00I need the toilet!
00:46:02No!
00:46:05No. No, Megan. No! No!
00:46:08Look away! Megan, no!
00:46:10Look away!
00:46:11(GROANING)
00:46:16You don't look very well, Annie.
00:46:19I feel fine.
00:46:21Are you sure? It wasn't that gray kind of lamb?
00:46:25You ate a lot of that weird chicken.
00:46:27Was it that?
00:46:29No. I'm...
00:46:31I... I feel fine.
00:46:33I think you'd just feel better if you threw up.
00:46:38I don't have... I don't have to throw up.
00:46:41(RETCHING)
00:46:43I am so sorry.
00:46:44Get away from me!
00:46:46You're not sick?
00:46:47No. No?
00:46:48In fact, Helen, I'm hungry.
00:46:51And I wish I had a snack.
00:46:54You're hungry?
00:46:56I'm starving.
00:46:59What did we eat?
00:47:01The sink is a goner. What are you doing?
00:47:03It's coming out of me like lava!
00:47:06(RETCHING) Oh, my God.
00:47:07Don't you fucking look at me!
00:47:09(RETCHING) (GROANING)
00:47:11Hmm?
00:47:12Jordan almonds.
00:47:14These are great.
00:47:16Thank you.
00:47:27Better?
00:47:30I was... I was just hungry.
00:47:31Yeah.
00:47:34Annie, everybody is really sick from that restaurant.
00:47:37(GROANING)
00:47:38But it wasn't the restaurant. No, no, no, no.
00:47:39Lillian, where are you going? No.
00:47:41I need a bathroom.
00:47:43Lil!
00:47:44No. No.
00:47:45Lil, where are you going? (TIRES SCREECHING)
00:47:47(HORN BLARING) HELEN: Be careful. What are you doing
00:47:50It's happening. It's happening.
00:47:57It happened. ANNIE: What are you doing?
00:47:59It happened.
00:48:01No. Don't you dare ruin that dress!
00:48:05Ohh. You're really doing it, aren't you?
00:48:06You're really shitting in the street.
00:48:11(HORN HONKING)
00:48:18We'll just take five of the Fritz Bernaises.
00:48:20Thank you, Whitney. They really do look better.
00:48:22Right. Thank you.
00:48:27You okay?
00:48:31I crapped my wedding dress. I crapped...
00:48:34I... I crapped my wedding dress.
00:48:40Lunch was fun, though, right?
00:48:43It was a good time, all the girls together.
00:48:45Is this a sign, Annie?
00:48:47No. I'm just going to pull over
00:48:48really quick, though, because...
00:48:50What?
00:48:51...my tire just feels a little...
00:48:52Where are you going?
00:48:53My tire just feels a little low.
00:48:55I just want to check my tire real quick.
00:48:57(RETCHING)
00:49:08(PANTING)
00:49:23Oh. Could I borrow your razor, please?
00:49:30Thank you. Mmm-hmm.
00:49:32Have a good date. Thank you.
00:49:33Is the guy that you're going out with also over 40?
00:49:37I'm not over 40. Forget it.
00:49:39Lift up your arm. Point up.
00:49:43Ow! Sorry.
00:49:52(KNOCK ON DOOR)
00:49:56Hi. Annie.
00:49:57Pete? Yeah.
00:49:59Come on in.
00:50:00All right. Thank you.
00:50:04Oh. This is my son, Tyler.
00:50:07Hi, Tyler. Hi.
00:50:10These things are always so awkward. Yeah.
00:50:11I'm not really a setup guy. Me, either.
00:50:13But Becca spoke so highly of you.
00:50:16She had a lot of really nice things to say about you, too.
00:50:18That's nice to hear.
00:50:19I'm going to go upstairs, throw on a couple of finishing touches.
00:50:23The babysitter's not here yet, so just hang out with Tyler
00:50:26and I'll be right back down. Okay.
00:50:27Okay.
00:50:39So, how old are you?
00:50:45Do you watch movies?
00:50:53Are you afraid of dying?
00:50:55Hmm?
00:50:56Are you afraid of dying?
00:50:59Um...
00:51:02I don't know.
00:51:04I mean, I guess everybody is. I don't know. Why?
00:51:09Because my mom is going to kill you.
00:51:22You're making me uncomfortable.
00:51:29Your hair looks burned.
00:51:34Okay.
00:51:37Are you going to make a baby with my father?
00:51:42I don't... I don't know.
00:51:45My grandma died where you're sitting.
00:51:49She died right here?
00:51:51Right where your underpants are.
00:52:01You wanna watch me dance?
00:52:05Sure.
00:52:07(MUSIC SWITCHES ON)
00:52:26PETE: I can't do this.
00:52:28Listen to me. I miss you so much.
00:52:32I'll come over right now.
00:52:34Okay, I'm not over you yet, that's why.
00:52:36She's not even pretty.
00:52:38I'm not doing it. I can't. No.
00:52:49What are you doing? Did you eat one of those?
00:52:51Did you eat one of those?
00:52:53I ate Saturday.
00:52:56Okay. Oh, boy. You know what?
00:52:58Something's going to happen to you. I don't know what it is,
00:53:00but something's going to happen to your body.
00:53:08That was fun. Oh, my gosh.
00:53:10(SIGHS)
00:53:12You know what I was thinking?
00:53:15You should come with me to Lillian's wedding, maybe.
00:53:18Not like that. Not like anything serious.
00:53:20But just like a fun time, you know?
00:53:22We can get dressed up, and we can go dancing and have a drink.
00:53:27It'll be fun, right? (GROANS)
00:53:29No. I mean, I don't want to make you have to explain
00:53:32to all those people what our relationship is.
00:53:35That would suck for you. Right?
00:53:39Yeah. I guess so.
00:53:41I'm just thinking of you. Yeah.
00:53:43No, it's okay.
00:53:46I have someone else I can ask, anyway. So...
00:53:49(SCOFFS)
00:53:50Really? Yeah.
00:53:52Who?
00:53:53Umm... This guy, George.
00:53:56George Glass.
00:54:01Okay.
00:54:04Who is this George?
00:54:07He is a very hot, nice guy
00:54:11who likes me a lot, and would probably love to be my date.
00:54:15Really? Mmm-hmm.
00:54:16Mmm-hmm.
00:54:20(MOANS)
00:54:22Well, let me ask you this.
00:54:24Can this George Glass
00:54:29do this to you?
00:54:42Probably.
00:54:45You know what? It's getting really late.
00:54:47You should probably go. I'm going to miss you so much.
00:55:11Oh.
00:55:12(KNOCKING ON GLASS)
00:55:15Annie Walker.
00:55:16Hi.
00:55:17Hey. Hey.
00:55:19What brings you in here so early?
00:55:21I've just had a bad night. Boy stuff. Ohh.
00:55:25Do you want me to arrest anybody?
00:55:27I could do that.
00:55:28Actually... No.
00:55:30Do you want to talk to a cop about it? We are just like priests.
00:55:34Except we can tell everybody about it afterwards.
00:55:37Oh. I won't, though.
00:55:38Doesn't sound very inviting.
00:55:41You want a carrot?
00:55:44Right now? Yeah.
00:55:46I'll share. I've got plenty.
00:55:49Sure, I'll have a carrot.
00:55:50Yeah?
00:55:53Ohh. Yeah, that sounds rough.
00:55:57It's going to get better, right?
00:55:58I wouldn't have thought so.
00:55:59You know, my sister was a maid of honor at our cousin's wedding,
00:56:02and she found it so stressful, her hair started falling out.
00:56:06That's terrible. Yeah.
00:56:08It grew back, but it was...
00:56:10It was pretty gross.
00:56:12Planning a wedding should be fun.
00:56:14You know what? If I ever had a wedding,
00:56:17I'd want everybody to be stress-free.
00:56:19I'd like it to be like a carnival.
00:56:22Like, people win prizes for guessing the bride's weight.
00:56:26Dunk tanks.
00:56:27Yeah. You know?
00:56:29Mmm-hmm. You could have elephants,
00:56:30and the bride and groom can walk on a little tightrope.
00:56:33Okay, what you are talking about there, that's a circus wedding.
00:56:36It's a totally different... Right.
00:56:37You missed it. Yeah.
00:56:40Hey, you know, instead of stressing out about this wedding,
00:56:43you know what you should be doing?
00:56:45Setting up a new bakery!
00:56:48(CHUCKLES) Hmm.
00:56:50No, I'm kind of done with that.
00:56:52What?
00:56:54I don't do it anymore.
00:56:56All right.
00:57:00Ew. Oh!
00:57:02You got the ugly carrot. What?
00:57:04There is one in every bag. You have to eat it. It's good luck.
00:57:06I'm not eating this.
00:57:07Yeah! I'll eat it.
00:57:09It's the lucky carrot? No, don't eat it! Don't eat it. Don't eat it!
00:57:12Well, don't litter! I'll fine you. I'm sorry.
00:57:17You know what? Actually, I'm going to pick it up.
00:57:18It really bothers me. Sorry.
00:57:20I'm sorry. It's just that I'm anal about that kind of thing.
00:57:27I didn't know that you could be a cop here if you weren't a citizen.
00:57:33You can't. No?
00:57:34No. No, you can't.
00:57:36But they made a special dispensation
00:57:38because I'm so tough and strong.
00:57:40Oh. Right. And handsome.
00:57:42Okay.
00:57:43You're pretty... You're pretty tough.
00:57:46I am tough. You're tough. You're a tough cop.
00:57:48Look. You're saying it, but you're laughing.
00:57:49No, you're... You're...
00:57:50You didn't let me flex that time.
00:57:52That was unfair. I'm really tough.
00:57:53So am I. No.
00:57:55Yeah. I could be a cop.
00:57:58You think you could be a cop? Yeah.
00:58:01Okay. Yeah.
00:58:02Let's see. You know what?
00:58:04The sun is nearly up. Let's go and see if you've got what it takes.
00:58:09That's right. Now, plant your feet.
00:58:10ANNIE: Okay.
00:58:11Good.
00:58:13And take aim.
00:58:16Now, put your left hand behind your head.
00:58:20Yeah. And just drop your left hip.
00:58:24(WOLF WHISTLES)
00:58:26I'm kidding. Put your arms out straight. Okay.
00:58:28You want to hit the middle of the license plate.
00:58:30That's where you get the most accurate reading.
00:58:31Okay. Okay, here we go. You ready?
00:58:34Okay. (RADAR GUN BEEPING)
00:58:35(RADAR GUN BEEPS)
00:58:36Fifty-eight. What's the speed limit?
00:58:39Fifty-five.
00:58:41Okay, they were all right. We'll let them go.
00:58:43You were born to do this. Look at you.
00:58:47Okay. All right, here we go.
00:58:49(RADAR GUN BEEPS)
00:58:50Sixty-three.
00:58:52You are missing some good ones here.
00:58:54People are on their way to work. Why ruin their day?
00:58:58Okay, watch this. 48.
00:58:59(RADAR GUN BEEPING)
00:59:01Forty-eight. How did you do that?
00:59:02It wasn't! Yes, it was.
00:59:03That's never happened. Are you serious?
00:59:05It was 48? Yes, 48!
00:59:06Yeah. I'm so impressed.
00:59:08I'm pretty impressive.
00:59:09I'm very impressed by you.
00:59:12Whoa!
00:59:13Whoa!
00:59:15Whoa! Damn!
00:59:17That was 91. 91?
00:59:18Yes. Can we go?
00:59:19We can go.
00:59:21Come on, hot dogger.
00:59:23(ENGINE STARTS) (SIREN WAILING)
00:59:25RHODES: Let's get that fucker.
00:59:26ANNIE: Oh, my God! (LAUGHING)
00:59:28Oh, my God!
00:59:39...family lake house. Perfect.
00:59:47(PHONE RINGING)
00:59:51Hello? I just got your e-mail. Lake house?
00:59:55Yeah.
00:59:57Yeah, it's Lillian's parents' house.
00:59:59We used to go there all the time in the summers and everything.
01:00:02It's one of... A bachelorette in a cabin?
01:00:05(PHONE BEEPS) Wait. Can you... Hold that thought. Hold on.
01:00:07Hello?
01:00:08Fucking Helen. Hello?
01:00:11Annie, it's Rita.
01:00:13Hi.
01:00:14Listen, I need a trip that I can fantasize forever
01:00:17so that I am able to have sex with my husband.
01:00:19That's why I'm thinking Vegas.
01:00:22Vegas?
01:00:23Hang on. Hey!
01:00:24Shut your filthy fucking mouths! I'm sorry.
01:00:27I'm surrounded by savages.
01:00:28(PHONE BEEPS)
01:00:30You know what? I should probably run. My other line is ringing.
01:00:32You know, I can get cocaine from my hairdresser.
01:00:34Okay, bye. Hello?
01:00:37Annie. Yeah?
01:00:38I'm so excited. Helen just called. She said we can go to Vegas.
01:00:41You know... Yeah, but we have to... We have to fly there, and...
01:00:44Okay, Annie, I know you are afraid of flying,
01:00:47but I want to see Criss Angel, but I'm scared.
01:00:51Which I sort of love.
01:00:53(PHONE BEEPS) Can you just hold on for one second?
01:00:54Oh, sure, sure, sure. I... Thanks. Hold on. God damn it.
01:00:57Hello? Hey, Annie, it's Megan.
01:00:59Hey.
01:01:00I just had some thoughts about the bachelorette party.
01:01:02Okay, here we go.
01:01:04Easy-peasy. Vegas it is.
01:01:06(CLICKS TONGUE)
01:01:07Helen called you, didn't she?
01:01:08Yeah, she got the jump on you.
01:01:11I want balls in my face.
01:01:13Honestly, I think it's Vegas.
01:01:14I love puppets. Balls.
01:01:17I guess we are undecided.
01:01:48I feel so bad Annie's stuck back in coach.
01:01:50I know, I offered to pay for her
01:01:52so she could sit in first class,
01:01:53but she said no.
01:01:55She's too proud.
01:01:56It was nice of you to offer.
01:02:01No carry-on, huh?
01:02:03No. Yeah, I noticed.
01:02:05I noticed you didn't put anything in the overhead bin either.
01:02:07And I get it.
01:02:08I get it. I want you to know, protect and serve
01:02:12Air Marshal-style.
01:02:14What?
01:02:15I don't want to infringe on your privacy, man.
01:02:17I just... I really appreciate what you do for this country.
01:02:20And I respect the hell out of you.
01:02:24That's great.
01:02:26I'm not an Air Marshal. I'm going to take a nap.
01:02:28Awesome. Cool.
01:02:29I'll take the first watch.
01:02:32I'm not an Air Marshal. You don't need to take a watch.
01:02:35Okay.
01:02:38I've got the first watch.
01:02:40PILOT: Please check your seatbelts
01:02:41and that your seat backs are in an upright position before takeoff.
01:02:44Gosh.
01:02:46I am really hoping this flight is quick,
01:02:48and we get there on the ground safely.
01:02:50I'm not a good flyer, I'm sorry.
01:02:52I had a dream last night that we went down.
01:02:55Yep. It was terrible. You were in it.
01:02:58What? It sounds like something's happening.
01:03:08(MOANING)
01:03:10Annie, what are you doing up here?
01:03:11You are supposed to be in your seat.
01:03:13I know. I'm freaking out a little bit.
01:03:14Ma'am, we're still ascending. You're gonna need to return to your seat.
01:03:17Okay, I was just...
01:03:18Annie, I have something.
01:03:22Take two, you'll fall asleep, wake up and we'll be there. Here.
01:03:24(PLANE RATTLING)
01:03:26Ma'am, you're going to have to return to your seat, please.
01:03:28It's fine. Okay. All right.
01:03:30STEWARDESS: Ma'am! All right. All right.
01:03:33Oh, my God, I feel terrible. I should be sitting back there with her.
01:03:37I shouldn't be up here in first class. I feel like such a jerk.
01:03:40Lil, this is your weekend, okay?
01:03:42You are treating yourself. Just relax.
01:03:44She will be fine. She will make friends.
01:03:45There is much more sense of community in coach, I promise you.
01:03:48She'll be fine.
01:03:52I can't believe you've never been with anybody else.
01:03:56Just Kevin.
01:04:00I'm sorry. I just...
01:04:02Becca, I just can't help but feel bad for you.
01:04:05You don't even know what you want.
01:04:07I got to know where you keep the gun, man.
01:04:10I mean, is it ankle, hip, lower back?
01:04:12You don't... Between the cheeks, do you?
01:04:15No, I don't stick a gun up my butt. That's stupid.
01:04:20I didn't say "up."
01:04:21I just knew of a guy, that guy did a lot of undercover work.
01:04:25And all I know is he had tape marks all up and down his cheeks.
01:04:30That can't be true.
01:04:31People don't keep guns up their asses
01:04:34because if you needed to use it, how are you going to get it?
01:04:36He cut a hole in his pocket.
01:04:38What? In his back pocket.
01:04:40You have got to get something out of your ass
01:04:41and you cut a hole in the back of your jeans,
01:04:44you want to tell me you can't get to something?
01:04:46I don't have a gun for you to put up my ass to make your point.
01:04:49I can put my Nano. I will show you.
01:04:51I will... If you get me scissors,
01:04:53I will cut a hole in my pocket.
01:04:55And you will never find this again until I want you to find it.
01:05:00Kevin can only have sex in bed, in the dark, under the covers,
01:05:05only after we have showered
01:05:06separately.
01:05:09And sometimes, by the time we are finished
01:05:11cleaning ourselves, he's too tired.
01:05:14And then I pretend I'm tired, but I'm not tired. I'm not tired. I'm not tired.
01:05:19That's why every girl needs those slutty college years.
01:05:22To experiment, get it out of your system, find out what you like.
01:05:27Excuse me, could I have a glass of alcohol when you get a chance?
01:05:31Two double Seven and Sevens.
01:05:35Is that...
01:05:36You will like it. It's sweet.
01:05:39I have to go to the bathroom.
01:05:40But I heard about a woman who went to the bathroom on a plane.
01:05:43She got sucked into the toilet.
01:05:46Sucked right in.
01:05:51Are you okay?
01:05:52Yes.
01:05:54Yeah, I just think that what you gave me didn't really do anything.
01:05:57I just have too much adrenalin or something. But, thanks.
01:06:02Why don't you take my scotch?
01:06:05It will just give the pill a little kick that it needs.
01:06:08Honestly, I do it all the time. Yeah?
01:06:09Yeah, and I'm much smaller than you, so you'll handle it.
01:06:13Well, thanks.
01:06:14Yeah? Okay.
01:06:26(EXHALES)
01:06:29Yummy?
01:06:30Yeah, it's good.
01:06:32You should just toss it back. Don't waste any more time.
01:06:34Okay.
01:06:40Ohh. Look at that.
01:06:43Okay, that'll do it. That'll do it.
01:06:47So you don't even have sex anymore?
01:06:49No, I have sex constantly.
01:06:52The sex is constant.
01:06:53But he hasn't kissed me in five years.
01:06:56What are you doing when you are having sex, then?
01:06:58Thinking about other things and wishing it would stop.
01:07:02You know, sometimes I just want to watch
01:07:04The Daily Show without him entering me.
01:07:07It's the Wet Republic Ultra Pool. No.
01:07:10Are you kidding?
01:07:11What is it again?
01:07:12HELEN: There is a bar in the pool and a tiger.
01:07:14LILLIAN: What?
01:07:16HELEN: It's crazy. It's Vegas at its best.
01:07:18Wait a minute. Is this that place that was on The Real World?
01:07:22Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. It's...
01:07:24Hey, buddy. How you doing?
01:07:27I'm good. I'm so much more relaxed. Thank you, Helen.
01:07:31I just feel like I'm excited, and I feel relaxed.
01:07:36(TALKING LOUDLY) And I'm ready
01:07:38to party
01:07:42with the best of them!
01:07:45And I'm going to go down to the river
01:07:50Wow! It looks like somebody is really relaxing now.
01:07:55What are you guys talking about up here?
01:07:58We are going to a restaurant tonight. I know the owner, so...
01:08:01You do?
01:08:04Ohh. Helen knows the owner.
01:08:08Uhh!
01:08:11Big whoop.
01:08:12Let's go take a nap. What do you say?
01:08:14Miss, you cannot be up here.
01:08:16(IMITATING OLD MAN) Hello, grandpa.
01:08:20I'm sorry. I just want to be here with
01:08:22my friends, because I'm with this group.
01:08:24The sign just went off. Can't she stay up here for a minute and just talk?
01:08:27STEWARD: Absolutely not.
01:08:28Coach passengers are not allowed up here in first class.
01:08:30It's policy. I'm sorry.
01:08:32Ooh!
01:08:33This is a very strict plane that I'm on.
01:08:37(IMITATING GERMAN ACCENT) Welcome to Germany.
01:08:40Auf Wiedersehen, asshole.
01:08:44All right.
01:08:45Why don't you go lay down?
01:08:47I'm going to go take a nap. I'm tired.
01:08:49I think it's a good idea.
01:08:50Catch you on the flip side, motherfuckers.
01:08:55I'm sorry.
01:08:56I'm leaving.
01:08:57Thank you.
01:08:59This should be open, because it's civil rights.
01:09:02This is the '90s.
01:09:03Right. It's not. You're in the wrong decade.
01:09:06You are. Okay, I am.
01:09:08Thank you.
01:09:10Holy shit. What did you give her?
01:09:12(SEATBELT SIGN BEEPS)
01:09:31Miss?
01:09:33No. It's not me.
01:09:36Yes, it is you. Please go back to your seat.
01:09:38Yes, I am with him.
01:09:40I am Mrs. Iglesias.
01:09:43No, you are not.
01:09:44You were just out here and you put sunglasses on. Out.
01:09:47But I don't want to.
01:09:48Sir, she can have my seat, okay?
01:09:51Everyone should experience first class at least once in their lives.
01:09:53And Annie shouldn't miss out just because she can't afford it.
01:09:56No, ma'am, I'm afraid that's not allowed.
01:09:57Help me, I'm poor. LILLIAN: No, listen,
01:09:59we're a whole wedding party. I'm the bride. I'm getting married.
01:10:02This seat is empty. She's obviously nervous. We'll calm her down and...
01:10:05I understand. But Claire is right.
01:10:07Everybody, go back to your seats.
01:10:09Okay, you especially.
01:10:10You have three seconds to get back to your seat.
01:10:12(GROANS)
01:10:14You can't get anywhere in three seconds.
01:10:16Well, you'd better try.
01:10:17You are setting me up for a loss already.
01:10:18Thank you.
01:10:21Whatever you say, Stove.
01:10:23It's Steve. (RASPING)
01:10:26"Stove." What kind of name is that?
01:10:28That's not a name. My name is Steve.
01:10:30Are you an appliance?
01:10:31No, I'm a man, and my name is Steve.
01:10:33You are a flight attendant.
01:10:35That's absolutely accurate.
01:10:39You can close that. Thank you.
01:10:42(SIGHS)
01:10:46Hey, not-Air Marshall Jon.
01:10:48You want to get back in that restroom and not rest?
01:10:51No, I have to get back to my seat.
01:10:53Yeah, you gotta get back on my seat.
01:10:56(SCATTING TUNE)
01:10:58You get it?
01:10:59Yeah, I definitely got it.
01:11:00Oh-oh. What's that?
01:11:04I got to get back to my seat. Could you just move your leg, please?
01:11:07I got to go.
01:11:09Oh-oh. Oh-oh.
01:11:11Somebody found a souvenir.
01:11:14You feel that steam heat coming? That's from my undercarriage.
01:11:18That can go up and higher.
01:11:20Okay.
01:11:23Jon, get us a blanket.
01:11:25No.
01:11:27I got to take a whiz and I'll be right back.
01:11:30Cool.
01:11:34I don't want you to be a big fuck-up like me.
01:11:37How do you think I feel?
01:11:39Like me. You can still turn it around.
01:11:42No, don't.
01:11:44Stop it!
01:11:46You are more beautiful than Cinderella.
01:11:49You smell like pine needles and you have a face like sunshine.
01:11:56(EXHALING)
01:12:01(PLANE RATTLING)
01:12:06What?
01:12:11Oh, no.
01:12:12(INTERCOM BEEPS)
01:12:13Ladies and gentlemen,
01:12:15as you can see, the captain has turned on the "fasten seatbelt" sign.
01:12:18It appears we've run into a rough patch of weather...
01:12:20ANNIE: (ON INTERCOM) I have an announcement, too.
01:12:22There is a Colonial woman on the wing.
01:12:24There's a woman on the wing. I saw her.
01:12:25There's something they're not telling us!
01:12:27Steve. All right.
01:12:28There's a Colonial woman.
01:12:29She was churning butter on that wing. Steve, get her.
01:12:31She is out there right now. Shit!
01:12:32Everyone, remain calm! I'm an Air Marshal.
01:12:35Yes! I knew it. I got your back, Jon!
01:12:38There is a woman on the wing. I saw her.
01:12:40There's something they're not telling us.
01:12:41Let's get out! Let's open the doors and get out!
01:12:43She is dressed in traditional Colonial garb.
01:12:46Say goodbye! We are going down!
01:12:48Stay calm.
01:12:50ANNIE: There is something they are not telling us.
01:12:51There is a Colonial woman on the wing.
01:12:53I will cover the pilot!
01:12:56(CLAMORING)
01:12:59Who is she? What does she want?
01:13:32Just let me make it up to you, please.
01:13:35I'm telling you,
01:13:37your shower is going to be amazing.
01:13:40I have so many ideas.
01:13:42I want to talk to you about the shower.
01:13:44I feel like
01:13:47it has been really overwhelming for you.
01:13:51It's just starting to make you crazy.
01:13:53No, Lil, I'm fine. I mean...
01:13:57Lil, I'm fine.
01:13:59No, you're not fine.
01:14:01You are not fine, Annie,
01:14:03and we need things to just
01:14:07flow smoothly from now on
01:14:09and Helen just knows how to do this kind of stuff.
01:14:13She does it all the time.
01:14:15She is good at it. She likes doing it.
01:14:17This way you don't have to
01:14:20plan any more lunches or trips.
01:14:24You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
01:14:26I get it.
01:14:28I think it'll be best here on out
01:14:30for the shower and for everything.
01:14:34Yeah, whatever you want.
01:14:36I mean, it's probably best.
01:14:39I think so, right?
01:14:41Yeah. I just want you to be happy.
01:14:43I think that will make me happy. It will be good.
01:14:45Okay. Okay.
01:14:48Good.
01:15:13Hey.
01:15:15Hey.
01:15:16Do you want to hang out?
01:15:23(RHODES LAUGHING)
01:15:26ANNIE: It's not funny! Stop laughing.
01:15:28RHODES: It's a little funny.
01:15:29None of those girls are laughing, believe me.
01:15:32It's not funny. Have you ever been kicked off a plane?
01:15:35I can't say that I have.
01:15:36Thank you.
01:15:37All of the girls hate me right now.
01:15:41You are like the maid of dishonor.
01:15:43(GROANS)
01:15:46I hope Lillian isn't going to be mad at me for too long.
01:15:49No, she will be all right.
01:15:50I don't know, I just wish things were
01:15:52the way that they used to be, you know.
01:15:54I feel like her life is going off
01:15:56and getting perfect, and mine is just like...
01:16:01It will turn around, you know.
01:16:02I have been hearing that for a long time.
01:16:04It's going to turn around. I just know it.
01:16:06Anyway.
01:16:09You got to bake.
01:16:10I don't really do that anymore, I told you.
01:16:12Why?
01:16:13I don't know, it's just...
01:16:16I don't know, after it just went under, I just, kind of,
01:16:21stopped, I guess.
01:16:22It doesn't make me happy anymore.
01:16:24Just because you didn't make any money at it,
01:16:26doesn't mean that you failed at it.
01:16:28I lost a lot of money.
01:16:30All my money.
01:16:32But you are so good at it.
01:16:34Oh, well. Let's change the subject.
01:16:36No more baking. I'm done.
01:16:38I don't know how you just can't do it anymore.
01:16:40If I wasn't a cop anymore, I would still...
01:16:44Arrest people?
01:16:45...go out with a gun and shoot people.
01:16:48I probably wouldn't do that. I'm just trying to make you feel better.
01:16:52You are okay, you know.
01:16:55You don't know me very well.
01:16:56I know you well enough to know that you're not so bad.
01:16:59You got some stuff. Oh, yeah.
01:17:01You got bits and pieces going on.
01:17:02Thanks.
01:17:04I have been thinking about you a little bit.
01:17:06About me? Really?
01:17:08There is something about you.
01:17:09Something about you that sticks.
01:17:17ANNIE: I hate buttons. (RHODES MOANING)
01:17:21Where is the bedroom?
01:17:25(BELL RINGS) (BOTH GRUNTING)
01:17:27Sorry. It's a mountain bike. Are you okay?
01:17:30Do you like mountain biking? Uh-huh.
01:17:31(BOTH MOANING)
01:17:36Take this off.
01:17:37I'm so glad this is happening.
01:17:38So am I.
01:17:41(MOANING)
01:17:55Hello. Morning.
01:17:56Sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out.
01:17:58No, it's okay.
01:18:00I haven't been sitting here that long. Oh.
01:18:03(BOTH CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
01:18:06Sorry, I guess I fell asleep.
01:18:08I didn't mean to sleep over.
01:18:12Don't be silly.
01:18:14I made you a cappuccino.
01:18:15Made it? Yeah.
01:18:19So, last night was fun.
01:18:22It was. It was very fun.
01:18:26I had fun.
01:18:27It was fun.
01:18:30If you care to accompany me to the kitchen,
01:18:33the fun may continue.
01:18:35A different kind of fun.
01:18:37But why don't you just get dressed and whatever, and...
01:18:41I left your clothes over there.
01:18:42Okay.
01:18:44And I'll see you in there.
01:18:45Okay.
01:18:51RHODES: There she is.
01:18:54Your workshop awaits.
01:18:56I know it's a bit crazy, but I popped out
01:18:58and I got a few little baking bits and pieces.
01:19:01Butter, milk.
01:19:02Because I thought that it would be fun for us to bake together today.
01:19:05Obviously, you will be doing the baking.
01:19:07I will be doing the eating.
01:19:09Because you are the expert.
01:19:11Yeah, I don't...
01:19:13I don't really wanna...
01:19:15Sorry. You went to all this trouble, but...
01:19:18Come on, I know you haven't done it in a while, but it'll be great.
01:19:20Don't be silly, just get into it. You are so good at it.
01:19:25All right. I get it.
01:19:27It was a bit of a curve ball.
01:19:30Yeah, I think I'm going to go.
01:19:32I'm sorry. I should just probably go.
01:19:36Annie,
01:19:38I don't know what you are getting so upset about.
01:19:40Because you don't know me.
01:19:42You don't know anything about me or my life or...
01:19:45Well, no, because... I don't know what you're trying to do here.
01:19:48I don't need you to fix me. To fix you?
01:19:50I don't need any help. I mean, who do you think you are?
01:19:53Jesus, Annie, we had a really good time. And now you are being all...
01:19:56It's my fault. I shouldn't have come here last night.
01:19:58Last night was a mistake.
01:20:00Fucking hell. All right.
01:20:16(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
01:20:18Hey, it's Lillian. Leave a message after the beep.
01:20:21(PHONE BEEPS) Hey, Lil, it's me.
01:20:24Umm...
01:20:26I'm sure you're probably still a little bit mad at me, but I hope not.
01:20:32Anyway, the excitement still continues with me.
01:20:37I just slept with a cop that pulled me over
01:20:41and I woke up today, and he was really sweet and nice and cute.
01:20:47So, naturally, I ran out as fast as I could.
01:20:50What's wrong with me?
01:20:52Umm...
01:20:53Anyway, I know you are busy and stuff,
01:20:56so just call me when you get a chance.
01:21:00I'd love to talk this out with you when you can.
01:21:04Okay, bye.
01:21:14BRYNN: Annie! Annie, wake up.
01:21:17It's 11:00 a.m.
01:21:20Oh, shit.
01:21:22You got a package.
01:21:24I'd bring it to you, but you said, "Don't touch my things."
01:21:42(MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY)
01:21:46(SIGHS)
01:21:57Please join us for a Parisian brunch
01:21:59at the home of Helen Harris III
01:22:01to celebrate the marriage of Lillian Donovan and Douglas Price.
01:22:05Let us shower Lillian with gifts and love. Répondez s'il vous plaît. Yay!
01:22:18Excuse me. Oh. Hi.
01:22:20I'm looking for a birthday gift for my best friend. Oh.
01:22:23I want to get her a necklace that says, "Best Friends Forever."
01:22:26You sure you want it to say "Forever"?
01:22:28Yeah, why?
01:22:30Come on. "Forever"?
01:22:32Forever.
01:22:33I don't think you guys will be best friends forever. No offense.
01:22:36But you know...
01:22:37The friends you have when you are younger sometimes...
01:22:39Sometimes you grow apart when you get older.
01:22:42Maybe she'll find a new best friend.
01:22:43And maybe she will be more successful than you are
01:22:45and prettier and richer and skinnier
01:22:47and they end up doing everything together.
01:22:51You are weird.
01:22:52I'm not weird. Okay?
01:22:55Yes, you are.
01:22:56No, I'm not, and you started it.
01:22:57No, you started it.
01:22:59Did you forget to take your Xanax this morning?
01:23:01God, I feel bad for your parents.
01:23:02I feel bad for your face.
01:23:04Okay, well, call me when your boobs come in.
01:23:06You call me when yours come in.
01:23:07What, do you have four boyfriends? Exactly.
01:23:10Yeah, okay, have fun having a baby at your prom.
01:23:13You look like an old mop.
01:23:14You know what? You're not as popular as you think you are.
01:23:16I am very popular.
01:23:18I'm sure you are.
01:23:20Very popular.
01:23:21Well, you're an old, single loser
01:23:23who is never going to have any friends.
01:23:26You're a little cunt.
01:23:35I'm sorry.
01:23:40Let me tell my mom, okay.
01:23:43I already told her.
01:23:45Was she mad?
01:23:53(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
01:23:55Hi, Annie, it's Rhodes again.
01:23:57Since you're not returning any of my calls,
01:23:59I assume that you're not interested
01:24:00in spending any more time with me, which is fine.
01:24:03So don't worry, I won't be bothering you ever again.
01:24:07Get those taillights fixed.
01:24:09(HANGS UP)
01:24:11(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
01:24:17We'd like to invite you to no longer live with us anymore.
01:24:22What? What do you mean? I don't get it.
01:24:24The thing is, we decided that it was actually a bit immature
01:24:27for a grown-up brother and sister to
01:24:29still be living together with a roommate.
01:24:30At our age, it's a bit ridiculous, isn't it? Yeah.
01:24:33We look a bit silly, don't we? Pathetic.
01:24:36So we are actually going to live together alone.
01:24:38Without you.
01:24:40You're moving out.
01:24:45She's not moving.
01:24:46She will move.
01:24:47Eventually. Eventually.
01:24:49She has to.
01:24:50She is taking it in.
01:24:51You have to leave.
01:24:53Oh! That's prickly.
01:25:00Hi. Hi.
01:25:03Remember when you thought I hit bottom?
01:25:07That wasn't bottom.
01:25:08(SIGHS) Come here.
01:25:11We're gonna have fun. I, for one, am really glad you're here.
01:25:14And guess what?
01:25:16Good timing.
01:25:18You know what just came in today on the Netflix?
01:25:21Cast Away. Tom Hanks.
01:25:23It's like Forrest Gump, but on an island.
01:25:25Honey, you are gonna love it.
01:25:56(WHISPERING) My God.
01:25:59This is her driveway?
01:26:02Who is that man?
01:26:08Are you a guest of Helen Harris III?
01:26:11Yes. Technically. I guess.
01:26:13An attendant will meet you at the stables.
01:26:16Where?
01:26:17The shower is over the second bridge.
01:26:18Pink lemonade? Thank you.
01:26:21I don't have a cup holder. Can I just give that...
01:26:28Pink lemonade. Nice. Nice touch.
01:26:33Shit.
01:26:42God damn it, that's good.
01:26:44Mmm.
01:26:47(EXHALES) Shit, that is fresh.
01:27:06GIRL 1: This is the most beautiful shower I have ever been to.
01:27:09GIRL 2: Yes, and Helen is giving out the cutest party favors.
01:27:11GIRL 1: I know, I love their pink berets.
01:27:30Would you like some champagne? Yes.
01:27:32It's French.
01:27:34Annie. Hey.
01:27:36Hi.
01:27:39How are you doing? You're here.
01:27:41Yeah, I'm here. I was invited. Sorry.
01:27:44Of course you were invited. I just meant you have arrived.
01:27:46No, I was just joking. Okay. (CHUCKLES)
01:27:50Can you believe this? Isn't it amazing?
01:27:52Yep.
01:27:54Yeah. It's nice.
01:27:55Yeah. Pretty.
01:27:58Are we okay?
01:27:59Yes, I'm sorry I haven't called.
01:28:01I just didn't want to bug you, but...
01:28:04Forgive me. It just got crazy.
01:28:06There has been lots of organizing, and... I have so much to tell you.
01:28:09I have to say hi to my aunt or she will get mad at my mom.
01:28:11No, you gotta go do your party rounds.
01:28:13Yeah.
01:28:15I'll see you in a minute.
01:28:16Yeah. Okay.
01:28:17Oh! Rita, you got all our towels.
01:28:19Yes, I did. Because I love you, kitten.
01:28:22All right, let's see what's next.
01:28:24Another one, another one, another one.
01:28:26I know who this is from. I can tell by the wrapping.
01:28:30Is that you?
01:28:33Annie, you made this.
01:28:37Look.
01:28:38Oh, man. LILLIAN: Oh, my gosh.
01:28:40It's us, Annie.
01:28:42MEGAN: Oh, my God. Let me see.
01:28:46Oh, my God.
01:28:48This is all my favorite stuff from all the stores I love in Milwaukee.
01:28:53Annie! This is so unbelievable.
01:28:57Wilson Phillips.
01:28:58(GIRLS LAUGHING)
01:28:59Man, I love Wilson Phillips.
01:29:00We listened to Hold On probably 10,000 times
01:29:03when I got my driver's license.
01:29:05This is such an amazing gift.
01:29:08Thank you. You're welcome.
01:29:10I feel really bad, Lil,
01:29:12I didn't get a chance to actually get you a present
01:29:14because I have been so busy organizing the shower.
01:29:16Helen, please. It's more than enough.
01:29:19Here is a card to say congratulations.
01:29:21Thank you. Gosh, you have really outdone yourself.
01:29:27Oh, my God, Helen.
01:29:31WOMAN: Honey, what is it?
01:29:33Helen's taking me to Paris.
01:29:36(GIRLS LAUGHING)
01:29:37(GIRLS CHATTERING)
01:29:38HELEN: Your face!
01:29:40I got you. I fooled you.
01:29:41Look at your face.
01:29:44It's just a little pre-wedding vacation. And while we're there,
01:29:47we're gonna meet the designer of her dress and have a fitting.
01:29:49LILLIAN: You are taking me to Paris?
01:29:52Oh, my God! This is the best present ever!
01:29:55Thank you so much.
01:29:57HELEN: À Paris!
01:29:58LILLIAN: Oh, my God.
01:29:59Are you fucking kidding me?
01:30:02Annie! No, Mom.
01:30:04Motherfucking Paris?
01:30:05LILLIAN: Annie, what are you doing?
01:30:06I told you about Paris, Helen. I told you about this whole idea!
01:30:10Annie, calm down. ANNIE: No, Lillian!
01:30:11What, you're gonna go to Paris with Helen now?
01:30:14What, you guys are gonna ride around on bikes
01:30:16with berets and fucking baguettes
01:30:18in the basket of the front of your bikes?
01:30:20How romantic!
01:30:21What woman gives another woman a trip to Paris?
01:30:24Am I right? Lesbian.
01:30:27We're all thinking it, aren't we? I'm not.
01:30:28Okay? Yes, we're all thinking it, right? I was.
01:30:31Annie... Lillian, this is not the "you" that I know.
01:30:34The "you" that I know would have
01:30:35walked in here and rolled your eyes
01:30:37and thought this was completely
01:30:38over-the-top, ridiculous and stupid.
01:30:40Look at this shower! Look at that fucking cookie!
01:30:44Did you really think that this group of women
01:30:46was going to finish that cookie?
01:30:48Really? You know what? That reminds me, actually.
01:30:50I never got a chance to try that fucking cookie!
01:30:55Stupid fucking cookie!
01:31:00Delicious! Stupid cookie. I think I'll...
01:31:04Maybe it's better if I dip it in the chocolate.
01:31:09(ANNIE GRUNTING)
01:31:10(GEESE HONKING)
01:31:13(GROANING)
01:31:15Is this what you want, Lillian?
01:31:17(ANNIE SCREAMING)
01:31:23This is so awesome.
01:31:24All right, let's have some nice, hot, unsanitary chocolate!
01:31:31(GRUNTING)
01:31:37Ahh! It's hot! Jesus! God!
01:31:40Christ, Annie. Have you lost your fucking mind?
01:31:42What are you doing? What am I doing?
01:31:44You wouldn't know, would you? Where have you been?
01:31:46You would have no idea. Let me fill you in, okay?
01:31:49Ever since you got engaged, everything has turned to shit!
01:31:51You know what? This is supposed to be about my time!
01:31:54You have managed to ruin every event
01:31:57in my wedding. Thank you very much.
01:31:59Okay, well, thank you very much.
01:32:00It's all her fault. It is not mine!
01:32:02And you would know that,
01:32:03if you got your beautiful haired head out of your asshole.
01:32:06In fact, out of her asshole, which I'm sure is perfectly bleached.
01:32:10You know what? It is!
01:32:12And you know how I know?
01:32:14Because I went to the fucking salon with her
01:32:16and I got my asshole bleached, too!
01:32:18And I love my new asshole!
01:32:22You know what? Why can't you just be happy for me
01:32:24and then go home and talk behind my back later, like a normal person?
01:32:30I am happy for you, Lillian. I am very happy for you.
01:32:32I wish you well. I won't bother you anymore.
01:32:37Are you kidding me? Annie!
01:32:40Go, go, go, go, go!
01:32:42LILLIAN: Get back here! Stop.
01:32:46No, no! She does not get a party favor.
01:32:48She does not get a dog!
01:32:53And if you are going to act like this,
01:32:55then don't even bother coming to my wedding!
01:33:06I'm proud of you, Lil.
01:33:07Shut up, Helen!
01:33:09Anybody else have anything they want to share today?
01:33:15I took two dogs already. They're in the back of my van.
01:33:26(HORN HONKING)
01:33:33(DOGS BARKING)
01:33:36What?
01:33:41(TIRES SCREECHING)
01:33:47What? Where are you going?
01:33:50Hit and run! Classy!
01:33:52Perfect! Okay.
01:33:55I'm gonna find you! I'm coming!
01:33:58Come on! Come on! Come on.
01:34:06No!
01:34:09(EXCLAIMING)
01:34:24Shit.
01:34:29I can't say I'm surprised.
01:34:32I did tell you to get your lights fixed.
01:34:34Yeah, I know.
01:34:36And now here we are.
01:34:39Look, I have had a horrible day.
01:34:43I don't need a lecture from you right now, okay?
01:34:46I just... Helen just...
01:34:48Oh! Don't...
01:34:49This didn't happen because of Helen.
01:34:51This happened because you didn't get your taillights fixed.
01:34:54It's pretty simple.
01:34:59Do you have any idea how frustrating it is
01:35:01to see you, night by night, drive past me
01:35:04with your fucking taillights still broken?
01:35:07Do you have any idea how crazy that makes me?
01:35:09It's a simple solution!
01:35:12Your problem, Annie,
01:35:13is that you just don't understand that you can hurt people
01:35:16with these broken lights.
01:35:19Don't you see how irresponsible this is?
01:35:21Yes, I should have gotten my fucking taillights fixed.
01:35:25But I didn't, okay? I didn't.
01:35:27Listen, don't worry about it.
01:35:30Seriously. Your message was received.
01:35:32No, look, please, I don't know what's going on with me right now.
01:35:35Look, it's fine. Don't bother. Really, what's done is done.
01:35:39That's it? Where are you going?
01:35:41That's it! That's it. That's how this works.
01:35:44Come on. I didn't...
01:35:45For the record, Annie, you flirted with me.
01:35:49You made me feel like you really liked me,
01:35:53which was really unfair.
01:35:55And then you came home with me and we did stuff, fun stuff,
01:35:59and then you just left, just like it was nothing.
01:36:02Oh, please. I know how guys do this thing.
01:36:06I know how guys act.
01:36:08One minute, it means something. The next minute, it doesn't.
01:36:10Right, yeah, you've got it all figured out.
01:36:11Yeah.
01:36:12How is that working out for you? Pretty good?
01:36:18Boom!
01:36:20What's up, fuck-buddy? You call for some roadside assistance?
01:36:27Thanks, officer. I can handle it from here on out.
01:36:36Come on!
01:36:38I didn't have anyone else to call!
01:36:40I didn't know that you were gonna show up!
01:36:41That's the problem with cops, Annie.
01:36:43We're just never there when you need us.
01:36:46That cop talks weird.
01:36:54TED: Come on, dingus. Tick-tock. I got shit to do.
01:36:59Check it out. Look what's steering the car.
01:37:07Thanks again for picking me up.
01:37:09Not a problem.
01:37:11Were you busy?
01:37:13Well, it is Friday.
01:37:17You know, you look tired.
01:37:20If you're tired, you can totally
01:37:22lay down in my lap, if you want.
01:37:25What?
01:37:26Just take a little lap-nap.
01:37:33(WHISTLES)
01:37:34If you want.
01:37:37Open for biz.
01:37:38Okay, can you just pull over?
01:37:40Yeah, actually, that's an even better idea.
01:37:42No, no, no, can you please just stop the car? I want to get out.
01:37:45No, it's super gravelly.
01:37:47Please pull over! Why?
01:37:49Because I would rather get murdered out here
01:37:51than spend the next half-an-hour with you.
01:37:53Can you please just pull over?
01:37:55Come on, Annie. It's called humor.
01:37:58Learn about it.
01:38:00Besides, I would never last a half-hour.
01:38:07Goodbye, Ted.
01:38:12If you're trying to turn me on, it's working.
01:38:17You used me!
01:38:19No big deal. You are no longer my number three!
01:38:35Wilson!
01:38:40Wilson! I'm sorry!
01:38:45I'm sorry, Wilson.
01:38:48Wilson, I'm sorry!
01:38:51I'm sorry! (SNIFFLING)
01:38:52Oh, no, Wilson.
01:38:54Wilson!
01:38:55(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
01:38:57I'm coming in.
01:38:59Let's go, let's go. And we're walking.
01:39:01Okay, we're walking. Heel. Heel!
01:39:04No pee. No! Not on the carpet!
01:39:06Okay, we're coming... We're coming in.
01:39:08Everybody is in and having fun.
01:39:11We're having fun. And heel! We're heeling.
01:39:14Heel!
01:39:15How many of those did you take?
01:39:17I took nine.
01:39:20Yeah, I did slightly over-commit to the whole dog thing.
01:39:25It turns out, I'm probably more comfortable with six.
01:39:28It's a lot... That's a lot of energy to deal with.
01:39:31But you wouldn't know anything about that,
01:39:33because you haven't been returning my calls.
01:39:36And say what, Megan?
01:39:38Say, "Hi, I can't get off the couch.
01:39:41"I got fired from my job. I got kicked out of my apartment.
01:39:45"I can't pay any of my bills. My car is a piece of shit.
01:39:48"I don't have any friends. The last time I..."
01:39:51You know what I find interesting about that, Annie?
01:39:53It's interesting to me that you have absolutely no friends.
01:39:56You know why it's interesting?
01:39:58Here's a friend standing directly
01:39:59in front of you, trying to talk to you.
01:40:01And you choose to talk about the fact
01:40:02that you don't have any friends.
01:40:04You know what I mean.
01:40:05No, I don't think you want any help.
01:40:07I think you want to have a little pity party. That's not true.
01:40:09I think Annie wants a little pity party.
01:40:11You're an asshole, Annie! Oh, my God. What are you doing?
01:40:13You're an asshole. I'm life. Is life bothering you?
01:40:16Yes! What are you doing?
01:40:17I'm life, Annie. I'm life, Annie.
01:40:18You have got to fight back on life.
01:40:21Megan!
01:40:22You better learn to fight.
01:40:24Megan!
01:40:25I'm life and I'm going to bite you in the ass!
01:40:27(SCREAMING)
01:40:29Megan... It's not me. I'm your life. Turn over!
01:40:31My God!
01:40:32I'm trying to get you to fight for your shitty life, and you won't do it!
01:40:36You just won't do it. Stop it.
01:40:37You stop slapping yourself. Stop slapping yourself.
01:40:40I'm your life, Annie. I'm your shitty... (GRUNTS)
01:40:44I'm sorry.
01:40:46Nice hit.
01:40:49All right.
01:40:51I'm glad to see you've got a little bit of spark in you.
01:40:54I knew that Annie was in there somewhere.
01:40:56I think...
01:40:58I think you're ready now to hear a little story about a girl.
01:41:01A girl named Megan.
01:41:03A girl named Megan that didn't have
01:41:05a very good time in high school.
01:41:07I'm referring to myself when I say "Megan."
01:41:10It's me, Megan. Yeah, I got that.
01:41:12I know you look at me now and think,
01:41:13"Boy, she must have breezed through high school."
01:41:16Not the case, Annie.
01:41:17No, this was not easy going up and down the halls. Okay?
01:41:21They used to try to blow me up.
01:41:23They threw firecrackers at my head.
01:41:25Firecrackers.
01:41:26I mean literally. I'm not saying that figuratively.
01:41:29I got firecrackers thrown at my head. They called me a freak.
01:41:32Do you think I let that break me?
01:41:34Do you think I went home to my mommy, crying,
01:41:36"I don't have any friends. Megan doesn't have any friends"
01:41:39No, I did not. You know what I did?
01:41:41I pulled myself up, I studied really hard.
01:41:44I read every book in the library. And now?
01:41:46I work for the government. I have
01:41:48the highest possible security clearance.
01:41:49Don't repeat that! I won't.
01:41:51I can't protect you.
01:41:52I know where all the nukes are and I know the codes.
01:41:57I won't say anything.
01:41:58You would be amazed.
01:42:00A lot of shopping malls.
01:42:02Don't repeat that!
01:42:03I won't.
01:42:05I have six houses.
01:42:06I bought an 18-wheeler a couple of months ago just because I could.
01:42:09Okay, you lost Lillian.
01:42:10You got another best friend
01:42:12sitting right in front of you, if you would notice.
01:42:14Huh?
01:42:16Now, you got to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
01:42:18Okay, 'cause I do not associate with people
01:42:20that blame the world for their problems.
01:42:21'Cause you're your problem, Annie.
01:42:23And you're also your solution.
01:42:27Right? I mean, that's...
01:42:29You get that?
01:42:32I just miss her, I guess.
01:42:35Yeah, I know you do.
01:42:37I know you do.
01:42:39All right, come on. Bring it in.
01:42:42There's the Annie...
01:42:43There's the Annie I knew was there, okay?
01:42:45All right. Man, you have got to wash your hair.
01:42:47I'm sorry.
01:42:48You've got to wash that hair.
01:43:15What's wrong?
01:43:17Nothing.
01:43:22(SIGHING)
01:43:23I love you.
01:43:38Looks great. Thank you.
01:43:40Rhodes and I worked out a deal way back when, so it's on the house.
01:43:45Are you serious?
01:43:46Yeah. I owe him big time.
01:43:49That's really nice.
01:43:58Hey, Mom?
01:44:01This is my mom, Judy.
01:44:03Hey, how are you? Nice to meet you.
01:44:05Good to meet you, too.
01:44:08Wait a minute, don't I know you from AA?
01:44:10BILL COZBI: Oh, my gosh. You made that artichoke dip, didn't you?
01:44:14It's good, huh?
01:44:15It's just delicious.
01:45:20(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
01:45:21Come in.
01:45:27Are you sure you're not gonna come with me today?
01:45:29It's Lillian's big day.
01:45:31Mom, she doesn't want me there.
01:45:36I'll fix you a tuna fish sandwich.
01:45:38Mom, it's 8:00 in the morning.
01:45:40You can put syrup on it.
01:45:45(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
01:45:50(EXCLAIMS)
01:45:51I know.
01:45:54Hi.
01:45:55What do you want?
01:45:56I was wondering if you knew where Lillian was.
01:45:59No, why would I... What do you mean?
01:46:01I can't find her. We've looked everywhere.
01:46:04What?
01:46:05She is missing. Can you help?
01:46:08Okay, just wait here. I think I know
01:46:09someone that might be able to help.
01:46:11I'll get my keys. Can I just use...
01:46:17I mean, I just don't know what could have possibly gone wrong.
01:46:21Everything was going smoothly.
01:46:22The dress looked fantastic. It had come in from Paris.
01:46:25Dougie was being great and very helpful.
01:46:27I had organized everything to the last final detail.
01:46:32I just...
01:46:33I don't know what's happened to her.
01:46:35I don't know. You should know, right?
01:46:37You're her best friend. It's weird that you don't know.
01:46:41You guys are so close.
01:46:46Annie, I want to apologize to you personally
01:46:50for all of the things that have gone down.
01:46:53I know that I hurt you,
01:46:55and that I created a distance between you and Lillian.
01:46:57I want to apologize for that... I don't want to hear...
01:46:59...and everything that happened
01:47:01at the shower. And with Las Vegas...
01:47:03Okay, I don't want to hear any more, honestly.
01:47:04I don't even want to talk to you.
01:47:07Harry never really wants to talk to me, either.
01:47:09He travels a lot. Like, all year.
01:47:12I'm basically just by myself.
01:47:15I don't want to... I don't feel sorry for you.
01:47:19I really liked that original dress
01:47:21you picked at the bridal store.
01:47:23I thought it was beautiful. You have really lovely taste.
01:47:26Thanks, but it's a little too late for that.
01:47:29And I know...
01:47:31I don't think that Brazilian food really gave us food poisoning.
01:47:34No, it did.
01:47:35No, I don't think it did.
01:47:36It was the food. I shit my pants on the way home.
01:47:38I don't think it was your fault.
01:47:40That was my fault.
01:47:43I think people just ask me to their weddings
01:47:45because I'm good at organizing parties.
01:47:50I don't have any female friends.
01:47:54I'm so sorry.
01:47:56Why are you smiling, Annie?
01:47:58It's just... It's just...
01:48:00It's the first time I've ever seen you look ugly.
01:48:03And that makes me kind of happy.
01:48:05I look ugly? No, I don't. I don't really look ugly.
01:48:09A little bit. You're an ugly crier, but that's okay.
01:48:11No, I'm not really an ugly crier.
01:48:13Maybe just a little bit. No.
01:48:14Just a little bit.
01:48:17It's just my makeup.
01:48:19But I still look pretty good.
01:48:24ANNIE: Rhodes!
01:48:27Rhodes.
01:48:29Rhodes.
01:48:31Come on! Rhodes!
01:48:33He's ignoring you. Let me. Yes, he is.
01:48:34(SHOUTING) Officer! Roll down your window!
01:48:37(MUFFLED SHOUTING) Excuse me! Please!
01:48:41Rhodes, I know you can hear me, and I know you're mad at me,
01:48:44but I need your help. Please!
01:48:49You know this guy?
01:49:00What are you doing?
01:49:01I just want to get his attention.
01:49:04Annie! Oh, my God.
01:49:09ANNIE: (SHOUTING) Reckless driving!
01:49:13Annie, my hair! What are you doing?
01:49:17I'm speeding! You better pull me over!
01:49:22Really?
01:49:23Here comes the litter-bug!
01:49:30Let's see what Marmaduke's doing.
01:49:32Just texting. Talking on the phone while I'm driving.
01:49:34Not even using my hands. Oh, hi!
01:49:39Mmm! Yum! Yum!
01:49:40Beer!
01:49:42Yum! Yum! Yum!
01:49:44Idiot.
01:49:45(LOUD RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
01:49:47ANNIE: Hey, what's up, man?
01:49:50(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
01:49:59I don't care. I don't care.
01:50:04(TIRES SCREECHING)
01:50:07I'm going to hurl. I feel really sick, Annie!
01:50:11Hey, who's driving that car?
01:50:16Can we go up now?
01:50:18That's not clever.
01:50:20Hey!
01:50:21I'm topless!
01:50:24I'm totally topless.
01:50:35Really?
01:50:39Wow. Unbelievable.
01:50:41What the fuck are you doing?
01:50:43I don't know.
01:50:44Hey! Are you crazy?
01:50:46Are you crazy?
01:50:47All of that stuff, that would have been dangerous for a good driver.
01:50:50I'm sorry. I just... I really need your help.
01:50:53We can't find Lillian.
01:50:56How long has she been gone?
01:50:57She's been missing for 12 hours.
01:50:5912 hours?
01:51:00It's not a missing person until it's at least 24 hours.
01:51:03Have you ever seen CSI? 24 hours.
01:51:05Let me get on with my job, Annie.
01:51:08Nathan, please?
01:51:11I really need your help.
01:51:14Please, Nathan.
01:51:16Who is this one?
01:51:17This is Helen. I'm Helen.
01:51:18What?
01:51:20It's Helen.
01:51:21Hello, Helen. I've heard wonderful things.
01:51:28Okay, thanks, buddy. Bye-bye.
01:51:32Okay, we've traced her cell phone
01:51:33to the corner of Craner and Rose.
01:51:36Do you know where that is?
01:51:37Yes. That is her apartment.
01:51:40I thought you said you looked there.
01:51:41We did. We did. Last night.
01:51:42Okay.
01:51:44So you're saying she's at her apartment? That's what you're telling me?
01:51:47She must have gone back after you left.
01:51:48God, that was crazy of her.
01:51:50Thank God! Thank you. Let's go. Let's go.
01:51:51Okay.
01:51:56We found her!
01:52:01I am so sorry. I didn't mean to waste your time.
01:52:04That's embarrassing.
01:52:07Thank you. No, you are welcome.
01:52:09It's this kind of high-octane stuff
01:52:11that really made me want to become a cop.
01:52:13"Missing girl found at her apartment."
01:52:16It's...
01:52:17It's adrenalin-pinching.
01:52:22It's nice to see you.
01:52:27I'm glad that you got your taillights fixed.
01:52:30Means I won't have to stop you again.
01:52:37Okay.
01:52:40Annie, let's go.
01:52:43Anyway, go and save your friend from her apartment.
01:52:46Bye-bye.
01:52:48Bye.
01:53:17Do you mind actually if I go by myself?
01:53:21Sure. Okay.
01:53:24Lil?
01:53:27Lillian?
01:53:30Lil?
01:53:31LILLIAN: Go away.
01:53:41What happened?
01:53:45This whole wedding is fucked up.
01:53:49Helen just took over everything, and
01:53:54everything's got out of control.
01:53:55And my dad can't afford the wedding.
01:53:59This has been really hard to do without you.
01:54:04It's been shitty.
01:54:09I'm sorry.
01:54:11Nope. I'm sorry.
01:54:14I'm sorry I kicked you out of my wedding.
01:54:17It's my fault.
01:54:19No, it's my fault.
01:54:20I think I'm the one with the mental problems.
01:54:23Yeah, wasn't it my turn to be crazy?
01:54:24The bride's supposed to be crazy.
01:54:25Yes, technically.
01:54:27You kind of stole all the crazy. I out-crazied you.
01:54:32Everything's going to be okay.
01:54:33Yeah? How do you know that?
01:54:39I left the rehearsal dinner last night.
01:54:41I told Dougie I had to go get Q-tips.
01:54:44And
01:54:46all of a sudden, I realized I was driving here.
01:54:49I came here.
01:54:53I realized this is the last time I'm going to be here
01:54:57in this apartment
01:54:59with that couch,
01:55:01and this bed,
01:55:02and take a bath in my bathtub.
01:55:04Because you know how much I love my bathtub.
01:55:07It's a good tub.
01:55:08I slept in there on my 30th birthday, remember? Uh-huh.
01:55:11Everything's gonna change.
01:55:15I mean, I'm not going to get to
01:55:17live five minutes away from you.
01:55:22And it makes me so sad.
01:55:28Well, don't be.
01:55:29Don't be sad. Because things are going to change,
01:55:33but they'll be better.
01:55:38You know?
01:55:39You're gonna take this huge, great, beautiful step.
01:55:44And Dougie loves you more than anything.
01:55:47And so do I.
01:55:53But what about you? What's gonna happen to you?
01:56:01I'm gonna be fine.
01:56:06So don't worry, okay? I'm gonna be...
01:56:09I'm gonna be fine.
01:56:11I am fine.
01:56:16And besides, you need to blaze the trail for me.
01:56:19And then report back and tell me what's coming.
01:56:23Whatever you say, boss.
01:56:28All right, let's get your dress on,
01:56:30okay, and let's go to your wedding.
01:56:33Oh, yeah.
01:56:36That's the other problem.
01:56:48Don't you dare laugh.
01:56:53(LAUGHING)
01:56:56(BOTH LAUGHING LOUDLY)
01:57:00Okay.
01:57:01I cannot wear this dress!
01:57:03Okay, don't panic.
01:57:06(CRYING) This is a nightmare.
01:57:08We'll fix it.
01:57:10We'll tweak it.
01:57:12I will not let you walk down that aisle
01:57:14unless you look perfect and beautiful, I promise.
01:57:16Do you have a chainsaw and a blowtorch?
01:57:22I think this wedding is gonna be a disaster.
01:57:24No, don't say that.
01:57:26If Helen had anything to do with this wedding,
01:57:28it is going to be perfect and tasteful and beautiful.
01:57:32That's true.
01:57:34MINISTER: Will you, Douglas, take Lillian to be your wife?
01:57:37Will you love her, comfort her, and keep her
01:57:40and, forsaking all others, remain true to her
01:57:43as long as you both shall live?
01:57:45I do.
01:57:46MINISTER: And will you, Lillian, take Douglas to be your husband?
01:57:49Will you love him, comfort him, and keep him
01:57:51as long as you both shall live?
01:57:54I do.
01:57:57MINISTER: By the powers vested in me by the state of Illinois,
01:58:00I pronounce you husband and wife.
01:58:02You may now kiss the bride.
01:58:14Ladies and gentlemen,
01:58:15here with us tonight is Lillian's favorite band singing her favorite song.
01:58:20Put your hands together for Wilson Phillips!
01:58:24(GUESTS WHOOPING)
01:58:28Hi, everybody!
01:58:32How we doing tonight?
01:58:34I am not paying for this shit.
01:58:38Really?
01:58:41It's the last one, I promise.
01:58:42The last one. The last one.
01:58:44I know this pain
01:58:49Why do you lock yourself up in these chains?
01:58:55No one can change your life except for you
01:58:59Don't ever let anyone step all over you
01:59:04Just open your heart and your mind
01:59:09Is it really fair to feel
01:59:13This way inside
01:59:17Someday somebody's gonna make you
01:59:19want to turn around and say goodbye
01:59:22Until then, baby, are you going to let them
01:59:24hold you down and make you cry?
01:59:26Don't you know
01:59:27Don't you know things can change
01:59:29Things'll go your way
01:59:30If you hold on for one more day
01:59:35Can you hold on for one more day?
01:59:40Things'll go your way
01:59:44Hold on for one more day
01:59:56You could sustain
02:00:00Or are you comfortable with the pain?
02:00:05You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
02:00:09No, baby
02:00:11You got yourself into your own mess
02:00:15Letting your worries pass you by
02:00:19Baby
02:00:21Don't you think it's worth your time to change your mind?
02:00:26No, no
02:00:28Someday somebody's gonna make you
02:00:30want to turn around and say goodbye
02:00:31(LAUGHING)
02:00:32Until then, baby, are you going to let them
02:00:34hold you down and make you cry?
02:00:36What's so funny?
02:00:38I put a loaded gun in Dougie's carry-on.
02:00:43The TSA is going to just rip his ass apart.
02:00:47(SNORTS)
02:00:51HELEN: Annie?
02:00:53Oh. Hey.
02:00:58Did you have a nice evening?
02:01:00It was beautiful. Yeah.
02:01:02What did you think of the wedding?
02:01:05It was...
02:01:07It was great.
02:01:08It was great, right? Yeah.
02:01:09It was perfect.
02:01:11It was great.
02:01:13Yeah, it was great.
02:01:17It was really nice meeting you.
02:01:20Yeah, it was...
02:01:22Helen, it was really nice meeting you, too.
02:01:29Hey, you know, maybe
02:01:31sometime the three of us could go to Rockin' Sushi together.
02:01:36Thank you, Annie.
02:01:39I would love that.
02:01:47Your ride is here.
02:02:05Hey, how did everything go?
02:02:10Strangely well.
02:02:11Good.
02:02:15So, I ate your cake
02:02:18that you left.
02:02:19You did? Yeah.
02:02:20I mean, I had to fight some raccoons off.
02:02:23But that's okay. I'm pretty strong and tough,
02:02:25so it wasn't much of a contest.
02:02:27So that might have been...
02:02:28I'm just going to kiss you now rather than just...
02:02:42(RADIO BEEPING)
02:02:43Officer Rhodes, please report to...
02:02:44Oh! I'm on duty.
02:02:46And I need to put my uniform on.
02:02:48If I drive like this, they're gonna think I just stole a car,
02:02:50which wouldn't be great.
02:02:52You could ride with me if you want.
02:02:55You want to come? Yeah, I do.
02:02:57Come on.
02:02:58All right.
02:02:59Whoa! Whoa! Where are you going?
02:03:00I'm getting in the car.
02:03:02No, no, no, you got to get in the back. What?
02:03:03You can't sit in the front, it's against regulations.
02:03:06Come on. Come on.
02:03:08You're going to make me sit in the back seat?
02:03:10Yeah, come on.
02:03:11(EXCLAIMS) Sorry. Habit.
02:03:13All right.
02:03:14It's a force of habit.
02:03:19Can I please get in the front seat?
02:03:21Actually, no, I'm afraid there's a warrant out for your arrest.
02:03:24What? Why?
02:03:25Reckless driving, littering, texting,
02:03:28consuming alcohol while operating a vehicle.
02:03:30You didn't think I was going to
02:03:31let you get away with that, did you?
02:03:34Could we put the siren on? Please?
02:03:36(SIREN WAILING)
02:03:39Thank you.
02:03:42I know that there is pain
02:03:44But you hold on for one more day
02:03:47And you break free from the chains
02:03:51Yeah, I know that there is pain
02:03:54But you hold on for one more day
02:03:56And you break free, break from the chains
02:04:02Someday somebody's gonna make you
02:04:04want to turn around and say goodbye
02:04:06Until then, baby, are you going to let them
02:04:09hold you down and make you cry?
02:04:11Don't you know
02:04:12Don't you know things can change
02:04:13Things'll go your way
02:04:15If you hold on
02:04:19Okay. Umm...
02:04:22This is Tape 119.
02:04:25Air Marshall Jon and I's first sexual encounter.
02:04:29Is there a hungry bear anywhere?
02:04:31I'm a hungry bear.
02:04:32I just happen to have this bear sandwich.
02:04:35Is there a hungry bear?
02:04:36I'm a very hungry bear.
02:04:37Did you see how my flap opens?
02:04:39Yeah, that's a good-looking bear sandwich.
02:04:42Yeah, that's a big bear sandwich.
02:04:44Do you want a bite of that sandwich? Feed me.
02:04:46It's meat and cheeses.
02:04:50Uh-oh.
02:04:51I hope you don't have a salad. Oh, yeah.
02:04:57Hey, guess what. Guess what, ham.
02:04:59Fuck it up.
02:05:00I'm gonna fuck you up, ham nipple.
02:05:01Ham nipple. Fuck it up.
02:05:03(GROANS)
02:05:04A little hard.
02:05:05Ow!
02:05:07A little hard. A little hard.

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