|00:00:47||Looks good, right?|
|00:00:54||So, my plan is to create
this cluster of live/work lofts|
|00:00:59||all along the perimeter here.
And. . . Come here.|
|00:01:02||l also am planning this neighborhood-y
kind of dining and retail area|
|00:01:06||in the central square.|
|00:01:07||You know, l even had this thought
that maybe you, Denise and Hailey|
|00:01:09||could open up a second location
for your store.|
|00:01:12||Really? Because Denise keeps talking|
|00:01:14||about wanting to open up
|00:01:16||Well, it'd be great. Yeah.|
|00:01:17||Look, the land is a little pricey,
so l couldn't develop it right away,|
|00:01:20||but once l sell the Ferrigno estate,|
|00:01:22||l figured out l could at least
put a down payment on it|
|00:01:24||and still have enough money left over
for the reception in Santa Barbara.|
|00:01:29||What are you talking about?
|00:01:33||Zooey, l know it's only been
|00:01:36||but l am so madly, insanely,
ridiculously in love with you.|
|00:01:46||Will you marry me?|
|00:01:48||Yes! lt just happened
two minutes ago, Hailey.|
|00:01:51||-Can you believe it?
-No, I can't. It's amazing.|
|00:01:54||Oh, my God.
I've been on Iike 1 0 miIIion dates,|
|00:01:56||and you end up marrying
some totaIIy awesome guy|
|00:01:58||who randomIy waIks into our store?|
|00:02:00||lt's so cute. She doesn't know
she's on speakerphone.|
|00:02:02||You do not know how Iucky you are.|
|00:02:04||lt is impossible
to find a good guy in this city.|
-l thought we were connecting.|
|00:02:09||-Oh, my God. Really?
|00:02:12||l'm sorry, but not really.|
|00:02:14||-Hey, will you conference in Denise?
-Oh, my God! You caIIed me first?|
-Awesome. Yes. HoId on.|
|00:02:32||-l love that piece of land. lt's perfect.
|00:02:35||l mean, l know the neighborhood's
a little, you know. . .|
|00:02:37||Oh, my God, Zo! I cannot
fucking beIieve you didn't caII me first!|
|00:02:40||You are such a freak.
Hailey's first on my speed dial.|
|00:02:44||No, no, no, I'm totaIIy kidding.
I'm so psyched for you.|
|00:02:46||I feeI Iike I'm gonna puke right now.|
|00:02:47||Oh, my God, hold on.|
|00:02:48||Barry hates when l'm in the house
during his poker night.|
|00:02:50||Would you give me a second,
you fat douche?|
|00:02:52||Get out. Get out of the fucking house. . .|
|00:02:53||-Zooey just got engaged !
|00:02:55||-"To who," are you joking? To Peter.
-To who? To me.|
|00:02:57||-I don't know Peter.
-l've met the guy like 20 times.|
|00:02:58||-You've met him like 20 times.
-l don't know Peter.|
|00:03:00||-You don't know Peter?
-l have no idea who that is.|
|00:03:02||Okay, we've been on like 20 dates
|00:03:03||-You don't know him?
-l've never met Peter.|
|00:03:05||You are such an asshole.|
|00:03:07||Sorry, Zo. Have you set a date?|
|00:03:08||Yes. June 30th in Santa Barbara.|
|00:03:10||Peter already booked the place
we went for that long weekend.|
|00:03:13||Oh, my God. He is so romantic.|
|00:03:15||That's the place where you guys
fucked for the first time, right?|
|00:03:23||No, no, no,
that was the hot tub in Mexico.|
Santa Barbara was just oral.|
|00:03:28||That's right. The hot tub, yeah.|
|00:03:30||lt was Mexico. You had your period in
Santa Barbara and you wanted to wait.|
|00:03:33||God, you're so oId-fashioned, Zooey.|
|00:03:35||-You told them about the hot tub?
|00:03:39||-Wow. So, June 30th?
-Yeah, l know. lt's soon, but. . .|
|00:03:43||Who cares? Peter's a doll,|
|00:03:44||and he goes down on you
like six times a week.|
|00:03:46||-What are you waiting for?
|00:03:48||Marry him. Don't wait.|
|00:03:49||Lock that tongue down, girl.|
|00:03:50||Yeah. lt's gonna be great.|
|00:03:52||All right, you guys, l'll call you later.
|00:04:04||lt is beautiful. lt's totally understated,
and it's just. . . lt's perfect.|
|00:04:10||l know! No, he's the best. l feel so lucky.|
|00:04:14||All right. All right, Debbie.
l'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye.|
l've been totally hogging the phone.|
|00:04:20||-Who do you wanna call?
|00:04:22||My parents are probably asleep,
so l'll just talk to them tomorrow.|
|00:04:24||You don't wanna tell
any of your friends?|
|00:04:26||l'll make some calls this weekend.|
Well, what about that guy, Tevin?|
|00:04:29||You talk to him
like 20 times a day, right?|
He works two cubicles away from me.|
|00:04:34||l'll see him Monday morning.|
|00:04:35||Or what's his name?
The one that you fence with.|
|00:04:41||No, he's not really a "call right away"
kind of friend.|
|00:04:58||-Hi ! Hi.
|00:05:06||-This is delicious. Thank you so much.
-Really is, Mom.|
|00:05:11||But did Peter have any good friends
|00:05:14||l honestly don't remember any.|
|00:05:16||All right, look, Zooey,
just to clarify here,|
|00:05:17||my dad worked for lBM,
so we moved a lot when l was a kid.|
|00:05:21||Robbie always managed to have friends.|
|00:05:22||Of course, he probably wanted
to suck their dicks, but. . .|
|00:05:26||No, Mom, it's cool. l totally did.|
|00:05:28||But he doesn't have to use
that kind of language.|
|00:05:31||My son is a gay man,
and l embrace his lifestyle.|
|00:05:34||lt's true. Dad loves the gays.|
|00:05:36||l actually made him
an honorary homo last month.|
|00:05:40||The point is, Zooey, Peter always
connected better with women.|
|00:05:44||You know, l can see that
because he's a great boyfriend.|
|00:05:47||Thank you, fiancée.|
|00:05:49||Also, you gotta understand, Zooey.|
|00:05:50||Peter matured sexually
at a very early age.|
|00:05:53||l remember taking him swimming
when he was 1 2 years old.|
|00:05:55||Kid had a bush
like a 40-year-old Serbian.|
|00:05:58||Come on. Okay.
Dad, please, stop talking.|
|00:06:01||-Good to know.
|00:06:03||Come on. He had a Speedo full of Brillo.
|00:06:07||Who invited the stand-up comedian
|00:06:11||Zooey, here's the deal.
Peter's always been a "girlfriend guy."|
|00:06:14||He put all his focus and energy
into his relationships,|
|00:06:17||and all his dude friends
just fell by the wayside.|
|00:06:19||Zooey, don't listen to him, all right?
l mean, we're eight years apart.|
|00:06:22||Barely grew up together
in the same house.|
|00:06:24||This is ridiculous.
Why is it weird that l had girlfriends?|
|00:06:27||Nothing. We're just saying
you never really had a best friend, is all.|
|00:06:30||-Well, who's your best friend?
-l have two.|
|00:06:32||Hank Mardukas has been
my closest friend|
|00:06:34||since our first year at lBM.|
|00:06:35||-Best man at our wedding. Yeah.
-Yeah. Yeah, he was.|
|00:06:37||Talk to him two, three times a week
on the phone for 30 years now.|
|00:06:41||And then there's Robbie.|
|00:06:46||-Robbie is your other best friend?
-Correct. And Hank Mardukas.|
|00:07:34||What the shit is he looking at?|
|00:07:43||Davis Dunn Realty,
how may l direct your call? Please hold.|
|00:07:47||Hold, please. Put him through to Tevin.|
|00:07:51||lt's very close to downtown.
How close do you wanna be?|
|00:07:55||Thank you, sweetheart.|
|00:07:57||l can't get you that close.
'Cause the schools are terrible.|
|00:08:03||The skyscrapers were all lit up.
l got down on one knee.|
|00:08:05||She was totally surprised.|
|00:08:07||Well, l'm jealous, Peter,
'cause you never gave me a shot.|
|00:08:12||But you're gonna
make the best husband.|
|00:08:13||Stop it. Stop.
All right, you can continue now.|
|00:08:27||What's so funny?|
|00:08:28||One of the guys
in my fantasy football league|
|00:08:29||just sent me a QuickTime.|
|00:08:30||lt's a grandma riding a Sybian machine.|
|00:08:34||lt's one of those vibrating saddles|
|00:08:36||that women sit on to give them,
like, super intense orgasms.|
|00:08:40||Check it out.|
-How sick is that?|
|00:08:45||lt's very. That's very sick.|
|00:08:50||Hey. So, what up, dog?
How's that Ferrigno dealio coming?|
|00:08:53||lt's coming good. Yeah. l'm getting
ready to show in a couple of weeks.|
Dude, l'm just gonna throw this out there|
|00:08:58||because it's a big piece of house.|
|00:09:00||lf you want a copilot on this,
l'd be happy to team up with you.|
|00:09:03||No, l know. l feel like l wanna
give myself the challenge|
|00:09:07||-and just see how it goes. . .
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.|
|00:09:08||-l appreciate the offer.
|00:09:10||Hey, anyway, you know,
my girlfriend and l. . .|
|00:09:13||Well, we had this very special evening
planned, and l. . .|
|00:09:17||She's a squirter! She's squirting !
Peter, we got a squirter!|
|00:09:23||Old Faithful !|
|00:09:27||Hey, baby. I totaIIy forgot.
It's my turn to host Iadies' night.|
l have fencing practice, anyway.|
|00:09:33||l'll grab a beer with Gil and the boys
afterward. Hit them with the big news.|
|00:09:37||-Great! I gotta go. Love you.
-l love you, too.|
|00:09:44||l'm sending it to you.|
|00:09:45||-No. l don't want it.
-You got it.|
|00:09:49||Wait a minute, l didn't even click. . .
How does it. . . l didn't even click it on.|
|00:09:54||She's got a bush like a porcupine.|
|00:09:55||l don't wanna know anything
about her bush. Hi, Lynette.|
-Good bout, Gil. Sweet bout!|
|00:10:12||Wow. Way to go, buddy.|
|00:10:21||Bro, really sorry l lost my shit out there.|
|00:10:23||l just did not see that
ln Quartata coming.|
|00:10:25||Hey, man, don't worry.|
|00:10:27||You know, you came in
with a pretty sweet glissade.|
|00:10:29||Anybody seen my manchette?|
|00:10:31||Did you look under your plastron,
|00:10:33||-Fuck you, Larry!
-Fuck you, Eugene.|
-Thank you, Larry.|
|00:10:41||Hey, so you guys want to,
like, get some grub|
|00:10:44||or grab a beer or something?|
|00:10:45||We're actually heading up
to Joshua Tree tonight.|
|00:10:48||Oh, yeah? What's going on up there?|
|00:10:49||We're just doing this thing
for Eugene, you know.|
|00:10:51||Kind of a bachelor party/camping trip
kind of thing, you know.|
|00:10:56||l didn't even know
you were getting married.|
|00:10:58||Yeah. Taking the leap next Sunday.|
-Dirty little slut.|
|00:11:03||He's gonna lose his virginity finally.|
|00:11:06||l've fucked my girlfriend. He's kidding.|
|00:11:08||Right on ! Very cool.
Very, very cool. That's cool.|
|00:11:13||l would've invited you, man.
l just didn't think that you'd be into it.|
|00:11:16||You never really come out with us
after practice and stuff.|
|00:11:18||Oh, no, dude. . . Don't even.|
|00:11:21||lt's so fine. Really.
Thanks, though. Thank you, but. . .|
|00:11:24||You know, it's funny, actually.
l just got engaged myself.|
|00:11:28||-Wow. That's awesome.
-You did? Congratulations.|
|00:11:33||Good luck with that.|
|00:11:34||-Thank you. And you, too.
|00:11:40||All right, well,
we should probably hit the road.|
|00:11:43||-Have a blast.
|00:11:44||-We'll be back on Wednesday, right?
|00:11:46||Play a U2 record while you're there.|
|00:11:48||-Good. 'Cause of Joshua Tree.
|00:11:56||lt's hilarious, know what l mean?|
|00:12:03||No, l'm serious.
You know what my favorite nights are?|
|00:12:05||Hanging out with you girls,
and l can do that guilt-free|
|00:12:08||because Barry loves hanging out
with his friends, too.|
|00:12:10||l mean, every weekend,
there's a golf getaway,|
|00:12:12||a ski trip, a weekend in Vegas.|
|00:12:14||Wait, Vegas? You're not worried
he's gonna cheat on you?|
|00:12:16||He's 40 pounds overweight
with a Jewfro and a small dick.|
|00:12:20||Look, l love the guy to death,
but l'm far and away|
|00:12:22||the best-looking woman
he's ever gonna get,|
|00:12:24||and l'm only a 7, so, come on.|
|00:12:25||Oh, my God. You're not a 7.|
|00:12:38||Peter's not a freakazoid.|
|00:12:40||l don't know, Zo.
l mean, l think this is kind of serious.|
|00:12:42||A guy without friends
can be really clingy.|
|00:12:45||Like, my brother-in-law
drives my sister crazy.|
|00:12:47||He's always like,
"When are you gonna be home?|
|00:12:49||"Where're you going?
Can l come with you?|
|00:12:51||"But nothing's on TV.
What am l gonna do?"|
|00:12:53||-That's. . . No, come on. What the. . .
-"Be home before midnight."|
|00:12:55||Peter's not like that. Please.
He's just not like that.|
|00:12:58||Well, just wait.|
|00:12:59||But anyway, you've got six bridesmaids
and a maid of honor.|
|00:13:02||lt's gonna be a little weird
if we're walking down the aisle alone.|
|00:13:04||-Yeah, l know.
|00:13:06||-So who's gonna be his best man?
-l have no idea.|
|00:13:08||l honestly think that his best friend
is his mom.|
-No, no, no. Not like that.|
|00:13:31||l made you guys some root beer floats.|
|00:13:35||Peter, are those chocolate straws?|
|00:13:37||Yeah. Pirouettes. Pepperidge Farm.|
|00:13:40||Thank you so much for the floats, baby.
That was so sweet.|
|00:13:43||My pleasure. Enjoy.|
|00:13:44||-Hey, congratulations on the wedding.
|00:13:48||l know. lt's so exciting.
l feel so grown-up.|
|00:13:51||-All right, sir.
|00:13:57||Shit! Do you think he heard us?|
|00:14:01||l gotta get some fucking friends.|
|00:14:06||This is cool.
You're coming to me for help.|
|00:14:08||Well, the good news is
not only do l know men,|
|00:14:11||but straight guys are my specialty.|
|00:14:13||What does that mean?|
|00:14:14||l get bored pursuing gays.
l like to give myself more of a challenge.|
-Excuse me one second.|
|00:14:20||There you go, brother.
Dig deep, come on.|
|00:14:22||Push that shit out. Look at me,
l'm pinkies. l'm barely touching it.|
|00:14:25||You're clear. Locked it in, dude.
Nice job. Nice lift.|
|00:14:31||All right, l'll see you around.|
|00:14:34||l hope so.|
|00:14:42||-That guy was totally flirting with you.
-l told you.|
|00:14:44||And did you see his wedding ring?
Straight as an arrow.|
|00:14:47||l'm telling you, hooking up is easy.|
|00:14:49||Meeting platonic male friends,
not so much.|
|00:14:51||So, what do l do?
l mean, how do l meet friends?|
|00:14:53||lt's such a weird concept.|
|00:14:55||Well, l can do some recon
around the gym,|
|00:14:58||but you're gonna have to be
aggressive about this, man.|
-Use the lnternet to meet guys.|
|00:15:02||Get Mom to fix you up.|
|00:15:04||l mean, if you see a cool-looking guy,
strike up a conversation|
|00:15:06||-and ask him on a man-date.
|00:15:10||-You know what l mean?
|00:15:11||By that, l mean a casual lunch
or after-work drinks, okay?|
|00:15:14||No dinner and no movies.|
|00:15:16||You're not taking these boys
to see The DeviI Wears Prada.|
|00:15:19||God, l love that movie.|
|00:15:21||No, l won't. l got you.
l know what you mean.|
|00:15:23||This is really exciting.
We're gonna find you some friends.|
|00:15:26||-So l'm gonna. . . What do l do?
-You don't play much?|
|00:15:29||-l used to play a lot of Hearts in college.
-This is the same thing.|
|00:15:33||l don't even know why he called.
This guy hasn't even played poker.|
|00:15:36||l don't know.
l don't know, but it's Zooey's fiancé,|
|00:15:38||so just shut the fuck up and be nice.|
|00:15:40||Well, if l do this, we have sex
with the lights on when you get home.|
-Yeah. Like in Jamaica.|
-All night long.|
|00:15:48||-Fine. Love you.
|00:15:51||My brother's a great guy, you know?
l mean, he's smart, he's. . .|
l don't know him that well,|
|00:15:57||but l'll give you five free sessions
if you take him out.|
|00:16:01||Go Beckham !|
|00:16:04||So glad Robbie hooked this up.
This is awesome! This is awesome!|
|00:16:07||-Me, too. This is really. . .
-lsn't this great, man? l love soccer!|
|00:16:10||Here we go, Galaxy! Here we go!|
|00:16:17||Come on, Peter, stand up. Here we go. . .|
|00:16:19||Shut the fuck up!|
|00:16:20||All right, now people are really upset.|
|00:16:22||-You shut up!
-No, you shut up!|
|00:16:23||-You shut up!
-Hey, watch the game!|
|00:16:25||Honey, he just moved to LA.
He barely knows anyone.|
|00:16:29||He's an architect.|
|00:16:30||His mother says
he's so excited to meet you.|
|00:16:33||Robbie toId me not to have dinner
with any of these guys.|
|00:16:36||Your brother's a crazy person.
One dinner won't kill you.|
|00:16:46||-So you just moved here, huh?
-l did. Pretty recently.|
|00:16:49||A couple of weeks.
Fresh off the boat from Chicago.|
|00:17:01||Those sports guys.|
|00:17:03||You know what else, the other old
Saturday Night Live one l love? The. . .|
|00:17:07||What's the one Dana Carvey does
with the old lady who's like. . .|
|00:17:12||"lsn't that special?"|
kind of more leprechaun-y.|
-lt did a little. Like a leprechaun.|
|00:17:25||Nice to meet you, too, Mel Stein.|
|00:17:28||The picture's from
a coupIe of years back.|
|00:17:33||Have a seat. l'm so happy
to meet you in person, you know.|
|00:17:38||Me, too. How long have you been
using the lnternet?|
|00:17:43||Three or four years.|
|00:17:45||l didn't know anything about it
until a couple of years ago.|
|00:17:47||-You're good at it now.
|00:17:49||-And the big dog !
-There it is!|
|00:17:52||Let me ask you guys.
Let me ask you guys.|
|00:17:54||Beatles, Stones. On a count of three.|
|00:17:56||-One, two, three. Beatles.
-l don't care.|
-You're an idiot.|
|00:18:02||That's you, pal.|
|00:18:03||l will call in.|
|00:18:05||-Too much for me.
|00:18:06||-Anybody else? Just me and you?
|00:18:08||That's it? Pot right? Trip queens.|
-Three ladies. Three ladies.|
-Finally. Fucking finally.|
|00:18:15||-Wait, let's see what he's got.
-Yeah, let's see what he's got.|
|00:18:18||l have nothing. l have five spades.|
|00:18:21||-That's a flush.
-Yes, one, two, three. . .|
|00:18:24||He's a fucking asshole.|
-l'm not gonna relax.|
-l said you're an asshole, Peter.|
|00:18:30||Don't take it too seriously.|
|00:18:32||What are you staying in
with seven deuce suited?|
|00:18:35||With a fucking rainbow rag flop!
Take the fucking chips. l'm buying in.|
|00:18:39||-l'm sorry. . .
-Just give me some more chips.|
|00:18:40||l didn't know it was a rainbow.|
|00:18:42||-ls the wine treating you well?
-lt opened up beautifully. Thank you.|
-Oh, my God.|
|00:18:51||-She's so hot.
|00:18:55||All right, Pete,
you done a boat race, right?|
-Just drink the fucking beer,|
|00:18:58||-and you'll get the hang of it.
-l've got it. l will. . .|
|00:19:00||Doesn't matter who's winning.|
|00:19:01||lt comes down to you and me.|
|00:19:02||-lt's gonna be anchors.
-We're the anchors.|
|00:19:04||-Let's boat. . . Let's boat race! Race it up!
-Ain't no luck in boat racing.|
|00:19:07||One! Two! Three! Go!|
|00:19:09||Come on, Pete! lt's all you, Peter!|
|00:19:12||Go, go, go!|
|00:19:17||Take him down !|
|00:19:18||-One more time!
|00:19:25||Come on ! Go, Barry!|
|00:19:27||-Barry! Damn it, Barry!
|00:19:29||Yes! ln your face! ln your. . .|
-Get out of my house.|
|00:19:41||-l'm so sorry.
-Just get out of my fucking house.|
-This is not cool ! Get the fuck out!|
|00:19:50||l gotta tell you, Doug,
l really enjoyed this.|
|00:19:52||You know, l've been out
with so many jerks recently.|
|00:19:54||lt's nice to meet somebody
l can have an actual conversation with.|
|00:19:57||-Let's do it again.
-l'd love to.|
|00:19:58||Okay. Tomorrow night. Matsuhisa, 8:00.|
|00:20:02||-l will see you there, sir.
|00:20:24||You've been so busy.|
|00:20:25||l've hardly seen you
these past couple weeks.|
|00:20:28||l know. l've been crazy at work.|
|00:20:31||l'm happy to see you now.|
|00:20:40||-Have you been kissing someone?
|00:20:45||Peter, your mouth tastes like an ashtray.|
|00:20:50||Yes. l went to dinner with this guy,
and he kissed me.|
|00:20:55||What the fuck are you talking about?|
|00:20:57||My mom set me up with this guy,|
|00:20:59||and he thought l was gay,
and it was just. . .|
|00:21:01||lt was a whole misunderstanding.|
|00:21:03||-Your mom set you up with a guy?
|00:21:05||You told me you were going to dinner
with a client.|
-What the hell is going on?|
|00:21:09||Look, l overheard you
talking to the other girls|
|00:21:12||on your girls' night and. . .|
|00:21:14||l knew it.|
|00:21:15||Look, l know that you're stressed out
that l don't have any close friends,|
|00:21:18||so l've been trying to meet someone.|
|00:21:22||Right, you've been. . .
Okay, so that explains a lot.|
|00:21:24||l thought it was so weird
that you wanted to hang out with Barry.|
|00:21:27||-Yeah, exactly. That guy's a dick.
|00:21:30||-l threw up in his face.
-Yeah, l know. Denise told me.|
|00:21:33||-l threw up in his. . . A lot.
|00:21:37||-That's a real thing.
|00:21:40||Well, l don't think l'm gonna
meet anybody by June 30th,|
|00:21:42||so our wedding party's
gonna be a little uneven.|
|00:21:45||Peter, l don't care.
l just want you to be happy|
|00:21:49||and to stop kissing strange men.|
|00:21:56||Wow, it's really smoky in there.|
|00:21:59||Yeah, he got up in there.|
|00:22:02||You wouldn't mind brushing your teeth,
|00:22:04||No. l've already done it
a couple of times.|
|00:22:08||l'll do the mouthwash again.|
|00:22:09||-There's some Tom's in the top cabinet.
-No, l gotta go with chemicals on this.|
|00:22:14||-l love you.
-l love you, too. l might use Comet.|
|00:22:40||lt's a pleasure to meet you.|
|00:22:42||l live down there.|
|00:22:44||l like it. l'm liking it.|
|00:22:48||lt's a good space, you know?
lt's a good vibe.|
|00:22:51||Well, when the Santa Anas
come through, it is majestic.|
|00:22:54||-We'll let you know.
|00:23:01||-lf you need any help, just let me know.
|00:23:12||Thank you for eating.|
|00:23:14||-l'm the first one, huh?
|00:23:16||l never understood why people
are so afraid to eat at an open house.|
|00:23:21||Why's Ferrigno selling?|
|00:23:22||He bought a place in Jackson Hole.|
|00:23:24||Yeah, l think he's tired
of the Hollywood grind.|
|00:23:27||You know, l've always wanted a pad
with a giant Lou Ferrigno statue,|
|00:23:30||so l think l've found it.|
|00:23:33||He's got one.|
|00:23:35||You're wasting your time
with that couple. Just FYl.|
|00:23:38||Why do you say that?|
|00:23:40||l saw the guy pull in.
He's driving a Saab 9.3,|
|00:23:43||which, l'm not a snob, it's a great car,
but it costs $30,000.|
|00:23:46||This house must be,
what, 4, $4.2 million?|
|00:23:50||Doesn't quite compute, right?|
|00:23:51||Well, l hope that's not the case.
He told me he was gonna make an offer.|
|00:23:55||l think he's trying to impress that girl
he hasn't slept with yet.|
|00:23:58||-The feng shui.
|00:24:01||How do you know that?|
|00:24:03||Well, it's body language, you know?|
|00:24:06||Look, that guy needs to fart.|
|00:24:07||lt's pretty clear,
but he doesn't know her well enough|
|00:24:09||to do it in front of her,
so l assume they haven't slept together.|
|00:24:12||-l like it. You okay?
-Yeah, no, l'm fine. l'm good.|
|00:24:16||-He does seem to be clenching.
-Yeah, he doesn't wanna fart.|
|00:24:18||Watch. When he gets enough space,
he's gonna let one rip, l guarantee you.|
|00:24:23||That's a good move.|
|00:24:25||"Hey, go check out the kitchen, honey.
l'll meet you in there."|
|00:24:30||He's making his move slowly.
Slowly but surely. Watch the leg.|
|00:24:34||Wait for it. Wait for it. Fart.|
|00:24:37||-Boom. That's a fart, motherfucker.
-Oh, my God.|
|00:24:39||-That's a fucking fart.
-Oh, my God !|
|00:24:41||Look at him crop-dusting across
your open house. lt's a disgrace.|
|00:24:45||-He farted in my open house.
-He sure did.|
|00:24:49||You know what, guy?|
|00:24:50||l like it, but l'm thinking
it might be a little bit small.|
|00:24:53||Totally, and it smells like fart.|
|00:24:57||Let's take off, baby. Come on.|
|00:24:59||Roll down the windows
in that car, sweetheart.|
|00:25:02||You called that.
That was like a play-by-play.|
|00:25:04||That's amazing. You called that!|
|00:25:05||-Yeah. Well, l know my farts.
|00:25:07||Well, listen, just full disclosure.|
|00:25:11||l have no interest in buying this house.|
|00:25:13||Well, then why are you here?|
|00:25:15||To eat your free food
and to try to meet a divorcée.|
|00:25:18||-Are you serious?
|00:25:19||Yeah. l've found
that at the classy open houses,|
|00:25:22||the spread is usually pretty decent,|
|00:25:24||and there's a beautiful bevy of attractive
and newly-single women.|
|00:25:29||l don't know what to say.
Thank you for your honesty.|
|00:25:34||Thank you for the sun-dried tomato aioli,
because it's a revelation.|
|00:25:37||-Wow. Hey, thanks for noticing.
l'm gonna take this panini for the road.|
|00:25:42||There's an open house in Bel Air that
promises to be replete with cougars.|
|00:25:45||-You don't wanna miss that.
|00:25:47||-lt was nice to meet you. Yeah.
|00:25:49||Hey, you know what, here,
let me give you my business card.|
-ln case you're looking for,|
|00:25:53||you know, a new home or anything.|
|00:25:54||l actually specialize in smaller houses,
bungalows, that kind of thing.|
|00:25:57||-Lovely. Let me give you mine, as well.
-That is my name.|
|00:26:03||There you go.|
|00:26:04||Well, thank you
for the great open house.|
|00:26:06||-My plezh. Okay.
|00:26:08||-Nice to meet you.
-You, too, Sydney.|
|00:26:20||l can't just call him.|
|00:26:21||Why are you being such a chickenshit?|
|00:26:23||He gave you his card.
lt's an open invitation.|
|00:26:25||Engage your core.|
|00:26:26||lt's beach season. lt's beach season.|
|00:26:29||l hate this.
There's no rules for male friendships.|
|00:26:31||What are you freaking out about?
You went out with those other guys.|
|00:26:33||-l'm really nervous about this one.
-'Cause you really like him.|
|00:26:37||All right, buddy, great set.
Take five, l'll come rub you down.|
|00:26:41||Look, if he does call,
no more dinners, okay?|
|00:26:44||-lt's sending the wrong message.
-l know, l know.|
|00:26:46||Hey, Peter! l got an extra ticket
to the Galaxy game tonight!|
|00:26:50||You know what? Thanks, man,
l'm sorry, l can't. l got a function.|
|00:26:55||l got season ticks.
l'll get you on the flip side. Here we go.|
|00:26:59||Hey, thanks a lot
for hooking me up with Elmo over there.|
|00:27:01||-That was a blast.
-What? That guy's cool.|
|00:27:04||Here we go. Here we go.
Come on, push it out.|
|00:27:06||Everything you got! Everything you got!
Everything you got!|
|00:27:22||Just to. . .|
|00:27:26||Hey. . . Pathetic.|
|00:27:29||Sydney, how you doing?
lt's Peter Klaven.|
|00:27:31||Hey, Sydney, it's Peter Klaven.
We met at the open house last week.|
|00:27:34||Get some guts, would you?
l got some cheese. Give me a break.|
|00:27:39||No. Oh, my God.|
|00:27:52||Fife. You know what to do.|
|00:27:54||Hey, Peter. lt's Sydney Klaven.
No, that's not right.|
|00:28:01||Sydney, it's Peter Klaven.|
|00:28:03||l met you last week at an open house,|
|00:28:07||and l had a showing and. . .|
|00:28:12||Anyway, l was wondering
if you ever wanted to get together|
|00:28:18||and talk about real estate and whatnot.
Or whatnot. And. . .|
|00:28:31||l'm sorry, l forgot what l was gonna say.
What was l saying?|
|00:28:36||Yes, the open house and we met. . .
Anyway, no rush.|
|00:28:40||You call me back
whenever you get a mo. Get a moment.|
|00:28:44||And we will talk when l talk to you.|
Hope you're having a great day.|
|00:28:52||Okay. Bye, now.|
|00:29:06||l'm fine with a little mercury poisoning
as long as it means l get to eat raw fish,|
|00:29:10||'cause l love it so much.|
|00:29:12||My doctor said it's really bad
if you're trying to get pregnant.|
|00:29:14||l heard that.|
|00:29:15||Which Barry and l are doing.|
|00:29:19||Oh, my God, that's so exciting !|
l just pictured you and Barry having sex.|
|00:29:26||And he's so big and you're so tiny,
and l just. . .|
|00:29:28||-Hailey. . .
-Like, l totally imagined Barry just like. . .|
|00:29:30||Okay, hold on, wait.|
|00:29:32||Why are you even imagining us
doing it anyway?|
|00:29:33||-l'm seeing it again.
-Well, stop! Stop! Cut it!|
|00:29:35||No, l love Barry.|
-What are you doing here?|
|00:29:42||l just had a meeting downtown
with the owners of the development site,|
|00:29:45||so thought l'd stop in
and say hi on my way back to the office.|
how's your little manhunt coming?|
|00:29:50||Really, you told them? Shocking.|
|00:29:52||Well, l mean, Barry and his friends|
|00:29:54||said they had a great time with you
the other night.|
|00:29:57||Well, l just. . .
l don't drink that much and they pound.|
|00:30:00||They were pounding drinks.|
|00:30:01||Yeah, you're not used to drinking
|00:30:02||Excuse me just a second.|
|00:30:10||Excuse me just one. . .
Hey, Sydney. How are you?|
|00:30:14||ls that a man or a woman?|
|00:30:15||l don't know. l've never heard of Sydney.|
|00:30:18||l could be in Venice by 5:00, yeah.
l can do that.|
|00:30:22||lt's a man-date. lt's a man-date.
This is a man-date.|
|00:30:24||James' Beach Bar and Grill.|
|00:30:27||l look forward to it. Sounds great.|
|00:30:31||All right. l'll see you in a jiff.|
|00:30:35||-"See you in a jiff"?
-l don't know why l said that.|
|00:30:37||l've never said that expression before
in my life. l just said, "See you in a jiff."|
|00:30:41||Honey, you're all flustered.
Who was that?|
|00:30:43||lt was just this guy
that l met at my open house.|
|00:30:45||-Sydney something or other.
-Sydney. l like it.|
|00:30:48||-Oh, my God. Peter's got a boyfriend.
-And l don't.|
|00:30:52||Oh, God, why does everything
have to be about you?|
|00:30:54||Because l'm single.|
|00:31:11||l'm meeting him right now.|
|00:31:13||Dude, no dinner.
He'II get the wrong idea.|
|00:31:15||You don't wanna get another
tongue-fucking at the vaIet stand.|
|00:31:17||Yes, Robbie, l promise. No dinner.|
|00:31:19||Dude, I'm pumped about this.
CaII me when you get home.|
|00:31:24||Thank you, bro.|
|00:31:29||All right, so you break it off
with your ex-girlfriend. . .|
|00:31:31||Yeah, and l met Zooey
the very next day.|
|00:31:33||Man, no laj between the vag?|
|00:31:36||-What does that mean?
-No lag time between vaginas.|
|00:31:40||Yeah, no. l don't. . .|
|00:31:41||l mean, l didn't plan for it
to be like that, you know,|
|00:31:44||with no laj, but it just happened.|
|00:31:47||All right. How's the sex?|
|00:31:49||That's a little private, wouldn't you say?|
|00:31:52||Look, it's something we think about
on a second-to-second basis,|
|00:31:55||and yet we're not supposed
to talk about it? Why?|
|00:31:59||Well. . .|
|00:32:00||l guess no one's ever really asked me
before, but it's good. Sex is good.|
-What, "Oh, boy"?|
|00:32:07||Well, your voice went up
when you said that.|
|00:32:10||lt means you weren't
being entirely truthful.|
|00:32:13||Look, l don't know this girl,
so you can talk to me. What's the deal?|
|00:32:19||l don't know, l guess maybe sometimes
l wish that she enjoyed, you know. . .|
|00:32:24||-Getting it in the tush?
-No. No, no, no.|
|00:32:27||-That's my bad.
|00:32:30||She doesn't like to put it in the mouth?|
|00:32:34||l can't believe l'm telling you this.
l don't even know you. Forget it. Look.|
and we have a great sex life.|
|00:32:42||We really do. l can't. . .
l don't even know why l said that.|
|00:32:44||Because you're speaking honestly,
all right? Relax.|
|00:32:50||And what about you?|
|00:32:51||-You ever been married?
|00:32:54||For what l'm looking for,
divorcées are perfect, you know?|
|00:32:56||They don't want anything serious,
and neither do l.|
|00:32:59||Well, hey, man.
You know, if it works for you.|
|00:33:02||Believe me, Pistol, it is the best.|
|00:33:07||-Because you're Pete. So Pistol Pete.
you guys finishing up here soon?|
|00:33:14||No, sorry, chief,
we're actually staying for dinner.|
|00:33:16||No, actually, l already have
a dinner plan with my fiancée.|
|00:33:19||No, dude, this place
has the best fish tacos in the world.|
You gotta have one or two.|
|00:33:27||lt's the pico de gallo, man.
Just use your hands.|
|00:33:30||We're barbarians after all, men.|
|00:33:32||Every once in a while,
l go down to the Boardwalk|
|00:33:36||and l just throw my own feces
like a gorilla.|
|00:33:46||You all right?|
|00:33:48||How can you disagree with me on this?
l mean, look, my. . .|
|00:33:51||lt's bad for the whole world.|
|00:33:52||My lease is gonna be up and l think. . .|
|00:33:55||-Are you talking about hybrid cars?
|00:33:57||l thought you were talking
about hybrid animals.|
|00:34:01||What the fuck is a hybrid animal?|
|00:34:03||lt took Andre the Giant a barrel of beer
to get drunk, sometimes two.|
|00:34:06||-"Hello, pretty lady."
-"Anybody want a peanut?"|
|00:34:11||Should we get a third order
of fish tacos?|
best fish taco l've ever had in my life.|
|00:34:17||God, those tortillas were incredible.|
|00:34:18||Yeah, they make them in-house.
lt sets up the flavor for the whole dish.|
|00:34:22||You know what?
l just realized something.|
|00:34:23||l never even asked you
if you were interested in buying a house.|
|00:34:26||No. No, why would l be?|
|00:34:29||Well, it's just when you called me back,|
|00:34:31||l didn't know if you wanted
to talk about real estate or not.|
|00:34:33||You just seemed like a good dude.|
|00:34:34||l thought l'd see if you wanted
to grab a beer. That's all.|
|00:34:38||l'm glad you called.|
|00:34:39||-You get home safe, Pistol.
-You got it, Joban.|
|00:34:44||l'm sorry, what?|
|00:34:48||-No, what'd you say?
-l don't know.|
|00:34:52||You. . . You nicknamed me Pistol,
and l just called you Joban.|
|00:34:56||lt means nothing. l don't. . .
l'm drunk. l'm gonna call a cab.|
|00:35:02||All right, man.
You have my number, yeah?|
|00:35:04||l got you stored in my iPhin.|
|00:35:07||-All right. lf you need me, call, okay?
-Man, l'm golden.|
|00:35:10||-Yeah. All right, man.
-All right, bud.|
|00:35:15||Have a good night.|
|00:35:23||l don't know the number for a taxi.|
|00:35:34||-Did you have a good time?
-Yeah, we did. Yeah.|
|00:35:36||Sydney's a cool guy. Got kind of drunk.|
-Yeah, l had to take a cab home.|
|00:35:43||-Really? Did you. . .
-Throw up in his face?|
-So that's good.|
|00:35:48||That's good. So is he your best man?|
|00:35:51||lt's way too early to tell,
but it's very sweet of you to ask.|
|00:35:55||Go back to sleep.
l'll be in, in a second, all right?|
|00:35:57||l just wanna see
if l got any hits on Ferrigno.|
|00:36:07||-Whoomp! There he is! There he is!
-Stop it. Stop it.|
|00:36:10||-Ass, ass and titties.
-Stop it. Fucking stop it.|
|00:36:11||-Fuck, l'm ticklish, Tevin.
-Okay. Uncle. Uncle.|
|00:36:15||Hey. How was the open hizzy?|
-The open house.|
|00:36:19||The open house. lt was great.|
|00:36:21||-Yeah? Did you flip that bitch yet?
|00:36:23||No. l mean, l've had a few nibbles.
|00:36:26||Nibbles? Me no likey nibbles.|
|00:36:29||-Peter, can l talk to you as a friend?
|00:36:32||You're dealing with the house
of a major Hollywood celebrity,|
|00:36:35||Mr. Louis Ferrigno,
The Hulk from television.|
|00:36:39||Of course. l know that.|
do you wanna sell this house?|
|00:36:42||-l need to. You know, for. . .
-l know you need to.|
|00:36:45||You gotta do it the old-fashioned way.|
|00:36:46||You gotta network.
You gotta meet a lot of people.|
|00:36:49||You gotta get them some leave-behinds.|
|00:36:51||-l have brochures.
-Brochures are totally different, okay?|
-You see this picture right here?|
-Do you know who took it?|
-M. Night Shyamalan,|
|00:37:00||the director of The Village.|
-What's your bus-bench ad situation?|
|00:37:05||-l don't have any.
-What about urinal cakes?|
|00:37:08||-How about urinal cakes?
-Do you use them?|
|00:37:10||-When l pee.
-That's not what l'm talking about.|
|00:37:13||Go into any Olive Garden,
P. F. Chang's Chinese Bistro,|
|00:37:17||T.G. l. Friday's, Fuddruckers.|
|00:37:19||What do they have in the bathroom?
Urinal cakes with my face on it.|
|00:37:24||Does it. . . l don't see how that would. . .|
|00:37:25||l've had people come up to me
on the streets and say,|
|00:37:27||"l know you from somewhere."|
|00:37:29||"Yeah, you do.
You pissed on my face, friend."|
|00:37:31||l don't see how
having somebody piss on my face|
|00:37:33||is gonna be able to sell
Lou Ferrigno's house.|
|00:37:36||Peter, you got the steak,
but l got the sizzle, my nizzle. Right?|
|00:37:41||Why don't we split the listing. Okay?|
|00:37:43||Let me wet my beak on this action.
We'll both be winners.|
|00:37:46||l appreciate it, but l'd really like to try
and do this myself.|
l'm just putting on my friend hat here.|
|00:37:52||-l appreciate it. All right.
-Whoomp! There he is!|
-Watch yourself, big girl.|
-Hey, Sydney. lt's the Pistol.|
|00:38:18||Peter Klaven from
the James' Beach thing the other night.|
|00:38:22||Hey, yeah, what's going on, man?|
|00:38:24||Yeah. Not much. l'm working like a dog.|
|00:38:29||But, you know, usual. . . The yoozh stuff.|
|00:38:32||I was just caIIing to say, hey,
I had a great time the other night.|
|00:38:35||Yeah, l had a nice time, man.
Those fish tacos are the tits.|
|00:38:38||Yeah, you know, if you ever wanna
grab lunch or something, nothing major.|
|00:38:42||Yeah. Actually, you know what?
l'm gonna take my puggle|
|00:38:44||for a little jaunt
on the Venice Boardwalk.|
|00:38:46||-You shouId come meet me.
-All right. Yeah, great.|
|00:38:49||Cool. Why don't you meet me
at Muscle Beach at like,|
|00:38:52||-l don't know, in a half an hour?
-Muscle Beach, half an hour.|
|00:38:54||l will see you there,
or l will see you on another time.|
|00:38:58||That was very confusing.
I don't know if you're gonna come or not.|
|00:39:01||-No, l'll be there. l'll be there.
-AII right, I'II see you then, buddy.|
|00:39:04||All right. Laters on the menjay.|
|00:39:12||What did l just say?|
|00:39:14||He's a cross
between a beagle and a pug.|
|00:39:16||-The most beautiful dog in the world.
-He's cute. What's his name?|
|00:39:21||after Anwar Sadat,
former president of Egypt.|
Because you're a fan of his policies or. . .|
|00:39:27||No, because they look exactly alike.|
|00:39:33||Hey, so how's Ferrigno coming?
You got any offers yet?|
|00:39:36||Not yet, no.|
|00:39:38||This guy that l work with, Tevin Downey,
he wants to share the listing with me.|
|00:39:43||What? And split the commission?|
|00:39:44||What about the land
you told me you wanted to buy?|
|00:39:46||lt would put a delay on that,
but l gotta sell the place, you know?|
|00:39:50||Tevin's a total cheeseball,
but he markets himself like crazy.|
|00:39:53||He's on bus-bench ads all over town.|
he says the place is out of my league.|
|00:39:58||Hey, that is bullshit. All right?|
|00:40:00||That open house was understated.
lt was classy and elegant.|
|00:40:03||l've been to a million of those things
|00:40:06||nobody puts out
rosemary flatbread paninis.|
|00:40:08||Now hold on, my dog needs to shit.|
|00:40:11||Well, l'm trying to sell the place,
believe me, but. . .|
|00:40:13||Hey, no, Pete.
Trying is having the intention to fail.|
|00:40:17||You gotta scrap that word
from your vocab.|
|00:40:19||Say you're gonna do it and you will.|
|00:40:22||Come on, buddy. Good boy.|
|00:40:26||-You need a plastic bag or. . .
-No, l don't clean up after my dog.|
|00:40:29||Dog poop is like a compost.|
|00:40:31||lt's got a ton of nutrients
that enrich the soil.|
|00:40:33||But we're on pavement.|
|00:40:34||God damn it!
How about cleaning up after your dog?|
|00:40:38||You mind your own fuckhole!|
|00:40:43||What the fuck? Psycho.|
|00:40:50||What was that?|
|00:40:51||l'm a man, Peter.|
|00:40:53||l've got an ocean of testosterone
flowing through my veins.|
|00:40:55||Society tells us to act civilized,
but the truth is we're animals,|
|00:40:58||and sometimes you gotta let it out.
|00:41:02||l'm not gonna start screaming
in the middle of the Venice Boardwalk.|
|00:41:06||Come with me.|
|00:41:11||-This is silly.
|00:41:16||That was really good.|
|00:41:17||Now gently remove your tampon
and try again.|
|00:41:25||Respect the process.|
|00:41:26||Why do you wanna mock the process?|
|00:41:28||-Because it doesn't do anything.
|00:41:29||lf you don't yell,
l'm gonna punch you in your stomach.|
|00:41:37||That was really good, man.
That was terrifying.|
|00:41:41||You just scared my dog.|
|00:41:53||-Yeah? You feel better?
|00:41:54||-Want to get a corn dog?
|00:42:02||. . .the span of this, like, l don't know,
30 pages. lt's insane. lt's crazy.|
|00:42:07||l know. l read it in college, and l loved it.|
|00:42:11||What a great house.|
Yeah, come check out the back.|
|00:42:17||-This is a bumper car l got on eBay.
|00:42:19||l was in a bidding war
with CarnivalKid 32,|
|00:42:22||so l had to go on the "Buy lt Now" price,
but l got it.|
-And you remember Marlena.|
|00:42:28||Now let's check out
the piéce de résistance, bitch.|
|00:42:29||l wanna do it. Separate garage.|
|00:42:35||Welcome to the Temple of Doom.|
|00:42:38||Holy shit, Sydney. This place is insane.|
|00:42:40||Holy fuck. Oh, my God.|
|00:42:43||-Thanks, man. l try.
-This is amazing.|
|00:42:46||-Thank you, sir.
-You got some TVs.|
|00:42:48||l do. l do.|
-l'll snake a brew.|
|00:42:55||-Put on some tunes.
-ls that you?|
Yeah, that's me in ninth grade, man.|
|00:43:01||-Are you that little kid?
-Yeah, l was a late bloomer.|
|00:43:05||-Come and take a load off, bud.
|00:43:08||Pop a squizz nut.|
|00:43:14||What's going on over there?|
|00:43:17||This is where l jerk off.|
|00:43:20||And the condoms?|
|00:43:24||-l wear them when l masturbate.
-Are you kidding me?|
|00:43:28||l always get this reaction,|
|00:43:29||but the fact is they decrease sensitivity
so l can last longer.|
|00:43:33||And there's no sticky mess to clean up.|
|00:43:38||And when your divorcées come over,
you put them away?|
|00:43:43||Pete, this is the man cave.
There's no women allowed in here.|
|00:43:46||l got a jerk-off station, for God's sakes.|
|00:43:49||Sit down, man.|
|00:43:52||What about when your guy friends
come over? Aren't you embarrassed?|
|00:43:54||Masturbation is a part of life, Pete.
Dudes masturbate. So do chicks.|
|00:43:59||You never talked about masturbating
with your friends?|
|00:44:02||-No, l haven't.
|00:44:04||When was the last time you did it, Pete?|
|00:44:06||l'm not gonna tell you that.|
|00:44:07||Hey. Listen, you think of this place
as a Cone of Silence, all right?|
|00:44:10||l'm not gonna tell anybody
any of the things you say in here.|
|00:44:13||You have my word.|
|00:44:18||Zooey went to the Pasadena flea market
with her friends last weekend,|
|00:44:23||and l did it then.|
|00:44:25||Well, that sounds lovely.|
|00:44:27||What'd you use? lnternet or DVD?|
|00:44:29||How do you get me
to tell you these things?|
|00:44:34||l used a picture of Zooey in a bikini|
|00:44:37||that l took when we were on vacation
in Cabo San Lucas.|
|00:44:39||Wait, you jacked off
to a picture of your own girlfriend?|
|00:44:42||You. . . That. . . Wow. That is sick.|
|00:44:45||Oh, my God ! What is wrong with you?|
|00:44:47||What's wrong with that?|
|00:44:49||Pedro, there is so much wrong with that,
l don't even know where to begin. lt's. . .|
|00:44:55||-That is sick, man.
-Someone's ears were burning.|
|00:44:58||Heard you say you jacked off
to her picture, sicko.|
|00:45:04||Good. Yeah, l'm over here at Sydney's.
We're just chillaxing.|
|00:45:07||We're in the chill station.|
|00:45:09||Yeah, l'm kind of playing hooky
|00:45:13||No, l'll see you at home later on.|
|00:45:15||Love you, too. Bye-bye.|
|00:45:20||Hey, why'd you tell her
you bailed from work?|
|00:45:22||l didn't wanna lie to her.|
|00:45:24||You're one of the most honest people
l've ever met. You can understand that.|
|00:45:27||Yeah, l never lie to women,|
|00:45:28||but, l mean, there are some things
l choose not to share with them.|
|00:45:32||-l don't really see the distinction.
|00:45:35||So you've told Zooey that you jacked off
to her picture last weekend.|
|00:45:38||Well, no, but. . .|
|00:45:39||All right. Well, you shared
that information with me, didn't you?|
|00:45:42||So there are dividing lines.
That's all l'm trying to say.|
|00:45:45||Like, l love to take a girl out to dinner,|
|00:45:47||but l'm not gonna go golf 1 8 holes
|00:45:49||You know what? Zooey and l played golf
together a couple of months ago.|
|00:45:52||-lt was really fun.
-That sounds like a fucking nightmare.|
|00:45:58||What do you play?|
|00:46:00||l play a little bit of everything,
but if l had to narrow it down to one,|
|00:46:04||l guess l'd say l'm an axman.|
-What about you? You play anything?|
|00:46:09||l used to slap the bass
in a high school jazz band.|
-Rush. l love Rush.|
|00:46:17||Dude, Rush is the greatest band
of all time.|
|00:46:20||Yeah, no, how about of all time?
|00:46:25||You know what? We should
jam together sometime, man.|
|00:46:31||Totes McGotes. Cool.|
|00:46:41||Well, you know what?
l should probably hit it to it.|
|00:46:44||All right, yeah.
l gotta get to bed early, anyway.|
|00:46:46||l'm doing a big day hike
with my buddies in Malibu tomorrow.|
|00:46:49||Yeah. Hey, thanks a lot. lt was a really. . .
lt was a good hang.|
-Sweet, sweet hanging.|
|00:46:56||-Well, adiós, Pistol.
-Take it easy, Siddy Slicker.|
|00:47:04||l called you Siddy Slicker.|
-No, it was pretty close.|
|00:47:08||lt's a lame nickname.|
|00:47:11||l thought it was good.
lt was better than Joban.|
|00:47:13||Yeah, right. l'm gonna get it.
l'll get a better one.|
|00:47:16||-Dude, it was fine.
-l'm gonna get you.|
|00:47:18||-Get out of here. Get out of here.
-l'm gonna get you, sucka.|
|00:47:21||Later on, my. . .|
|00:47:28||Peter, I have a Lou Ferrigno for you
on Iine three.|
|00:47:37||Put him through.|
|00:47:41||Mr. Ferrigno. Hey, it's Peter Klaven.|
|00:47:44||Peter, what the heII's going on?|
|00:47:46||Yeah. lf you just go past the first area
to the left, he's right there.|
|00:47:48||-Sure. What's your name?
|00:47:52||Leanne. That was my mother's name.|
-l don't know. Was it?|
|00:47:58||Peter, it's been on the market
for three weeks...|
-...and we haven't gotten one offer.|
|00:48:02||And that's why we're having another
open house this weekend.|
|00:48:05||Hello, mystery woman.|
|00:48:08||l think it was very beneficial,
|00:48:10||BeneficiaI? It was beneficiaI?|
|00:48:12||So you're teIIing me
we're gonna seII this house?|
and l've gotten many nibbles this week.|
|00:48:18||It's aII about food with you, Peter.|
|00:48:20||No one cares about
the stupid sandwiches you put out.|
|00:48:22||No, sir. No, l absolutely agree with you.|
|00:48:25||You want to sell a house
and not a panini.|
|00:48:30||Don't make him angry.|
|00:48:31||Enough with the coId cuts,
|00:48:33||-You wouldn't like him when he's angry.
-What the heII you think this is?|
|00:48:36||No, l understand.
lt's an open house and not a deli.|
|00:48:39||-Peter? HeIIo? You need to focus.
-Yeah. Yep. l think. . .|
|00:48:43||-l think. . .
-Let peopIe know my house is for saIe.|
|00:48:45||Forget about the sandwiches
and focus on seIIing my fucking house.|
|00:48:48||-Let's do this, okay?
-All right, thank you. Bye-bye.|
|00:48:56||You all right?|
|00:48:57||-Hulk busting your balls?
|00:48:59||-What are you doing here?
-My blood bank's a few blocks away.|
|00:49:02||l'm AB negative. lt's extremely rare,
so l try to donate every couple of weeks.|
|00:49:07||That's really nice, Sydney.|
|00:49:08||There's also this nurse there
who l wanna fuck so badly.|
|00:49:11||Oh, boy, here we go.
Should have guessed.|
|00:49:16||Hey, weren't you supposed to go hiking
with your friends today?|
|00:49:18||Yeah, a couple of them had to bail,
but we'll reschedule.|
|00:49:21||Anyway, listen, l got a house full
of leftover Koo Koo Roo,|
|00:49:23||so l was thinking maybe you
and me could go grab some lunch|
|00:49:25||and squeeze in a little jam session?|
|00:49:28||Leftover Koo Koo Roo?|
|00:49:29||Well, that sounds
about as appetizing as|
|00:49:32||a big pile of. . .
A plate of dirt, or something.|
|00:49:37||l'm. . . l was. . . l'm kidding.|
|00:49:38||Yeah. l still want to hang out
despite that joke.|
|00:49:42||-That was a bad joke.
-Yeah. You're better than that.|
|00:50:00||-How's that feel?
-lt feels tasty.|
|00:50:03||-Yeah? You sound pretty good, buddy.
|00:50:06||Here we go.|
|00:50:24||Wow, that's a good one, bud.|
|00:50:27||Hey, check out these two.|
|00:50:29||l call them bowsers. lt's my nickname
for people who look just like their dog.|
Where'd you come up with that?|
|00:50:37||lt sounded right.|
|00:50:38||Shit. Hey, geek!
l just stepped in your dog's shit.|
|00:50:43||Now l'm gonna make you eat it.|
|00:50:46||Peter, run !|
|00:50:56||lt's a bit of a throwback, but it comes
with the built-ins. lt's wired for sound.|
|00:50:59||This is fun.
This is a pair of jeans that he actually. . .|
|00:51:01||This house is exquisite.|
|00:51:04||l'd like to make an offer.|
|00:51:09||What do you think, hon?|
|00:51:21||Yeah, l don't like that,
but for the most part, l mean. . .|
|00:51:26||Yeah, take it.|
|00:51:29||Sydney, what's up, man?|
|00:51:32||What happened? What?|
|00:51:35||Shut up! No.|
|00:51:37||Did it smell weird? ls it discolored?|
|00:51:51||Shut the fuck up!|
|00:51:52||So how long have you guys
|00:51:55||-lt feels like forever.
|00:51:56||Remember that time
we tripped acid together|
|00:51:59||-and he made us watch the news?
-That was a remarkable night.|
|00:52:02||-Dude. Dude. Don't. Dude.
-Don't be scared.|
|00:52:04||-Stop it. Stop it. Drive! Drive!
-Don't lean ! Don't lean !|
|00:52:12||Dude, Peter is on fire.|
|00:52:18||-Boo-yah ! Yeah !
-Fuck me raw!|
|00:52:21||That's what l'm talking about.|
|00:52:23||-Sweet lunge, Peter.
|00:52:25||Suck it, Gil !|
|00:52:31||l love it!|
that new sound you were looking for?"|
|00:52:51||-Are you all right?
-My fucking ass.|
|00:52:53||-Hey, you did great today though, man.
-You did. You made it up.|
|00:52:55||-l made it to the top. First time.
-Good job, bro.|
|00:52:58||-Hey, nice meeting you.
-Yeah, nice meeting you guys.|
|00:53:00||-All righty, Syd.
-Wait, where you going?|
|00:53:02||lt's Sunday night.
Tina's nephews are coming over.|
|00:53:05||We're gonna watch
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.|
|00:53:07||No, it's just, l thought
we were all gonna have dinner together,|
|00:53:09||so l ordered us a 6-foot sub.|
|00:53:11||But l gotta bolt, too. l promised the kids
l'd take them to Cheeseria.|
|00:53:13||A little pizza action.|
|00:53:15||Yeah, well, l'm just gonna be stuck
at home grading papers tonight,|
|00:53:17||but thanks anyway. All right?|
|00:53:19||Fun day, guys.|
-Man, you know, on Sunday night,|
|00:53:25||Zooey and l usually watch HBO.|
|00:53:27||Right. Yeah, yeah, of course. Cool.|
|00:53:29||But l can't let you eat
a 6-foot sub all by yourself.|
|00:53:33||-Do you want some?
|00:53:34||l had like a foot and a half
back at Sydney's. l'm golden.|
|00:53:36||So, what do you guys do for, like,
seven straight hours?|
|00:53:40||Whatever. l mean, like, we'll just
hang out, you know. Shoot the shit.|
|00:53:43||Sometimes we jam a little bit.|
|00:53:45||-You play an instrument?
|00:53:47||l can't believe l've never told you.
l play bass.|
-Yeah. l slap the bass big time.|
|00:53:52||What do you. . . What is that?
You sound like a leprechaun.|
|00:53:56||-No, that's a reggae guy.
-What is that?|
|00:53:57||-l just did reggae.
-lt doesn't sound. . .|
|00:53:59||-lt doesn't sound reggae?
|00:54:01||-Slap the bass.
|00:54:04||-How does it. . .
-lt's like, big time, big time.|
-Big time. Slap the bass big time.|
|00:54:10||Slap the bass.|
|00:54:12||-That sounded like Borat.
|00:54:14||-Slap the bass. Big time.
-That's better. That's better.|
|00:54:17||Syd and l have gotten pretty good
at a couple of Rush songs.|
|00:54:19||What do you mean, like,
|00:54:21||No, like, Rush. Like the band Rush.|
|00:54:24||-l don't know them. The. . .
-The holy triumvirate.|
|00:54:27||-Wait, you don't know Rush?
|00:54:29||-You don't know Rush, the band?
|00:54:31||-"Exit the warrior, today's Tom Sawyer"?
|00:54:35||All right, l'm gonna hit you up
with a little iTunes acción.|
|00:54:39||l cannot believe
you've never heard Rush.|
|00:54:41||So when am l gonna meet this guy
who's stolen you away from me?|
|00:54:44||Pretty soon, actually.|
|00:54:45||l invited him
to that little engagement party|
|00:54:47||my parents are throwing for us.|
|00:54:48||Wow, Peter! This is serious.|
|00:54:51||lt's mellow. Besides,
l wanted to introduce him to Hailey.|
|00:54:54||-That's interesting. Yeah, l like that.
|00:54:56||Hey, let me ask you something.
Are you ready to get your world rocked?|
|00:55:02||-Are you ready to get your mind blown?
|00:55:05||Do you want to get some Neil Peart
all up in you?|
|00:55:07||l don't know.|
|00:55:09||Well, prepare to be Rushified !|
|00:55:20||-Sounds better on big speakers.
-l could see that.|
|00:55:32||-Do you do it that high when you do it?
-Well, in real life, l do it low.|
|00:55:36||-But air bass works best up here.
|00:55:41||This is exactly what l look like
when l jam out, man.|
|00:55:44||When l jam with my bass.|
|00:55:48||Slap the bass, man.|
|00:55:50||-There you go. There you go.
-l'm slapping the bass, man.|
|00:55:52||Slap the bass, man. l slap the bass.|
|00:55:56||Please don't do that.|
|00:55:57||-Slap the bass.
|00:56:00||Slap the bass.|
|00:56:01||-For the sake of our relationship.
-Slap that bass.|
|00:56:03||Please stop. Please. Please stop!
|00:56:07||l'm slapping the bass.|
|00:56:15||l'm so glad
you're celebrating at my restaurant.|
|00:56:18||Of course, Mr. Chu.
We wouldn't go anywhere else.|
|00:56:20||Hey, this is my brother, Robbie.
Robbie, this is Sydney.|
|00:56:23||-Hey, Bro Namath.
-Nice. Nice to meet you.|
|00:56:25||-Peter, you remember Alan.
-From the gym.|
|00:56:30||-Yeah, hey, man.
-Hi, good to see you again.|
|00:56:33||-Alan, l'm Sydney.
-Sydney, nice to meet you.|
|00:56:35||lt's a pleasure, man.|
We're gonna grab some drinks.|
-All right. Show them your stuff, fellas.|
|00:56:44||Zooey, this is Sydney.
Sydney, this is my fiancée, Zooey.|
|00:56:48||Sydney, l'm so happy to meet you.
l've heard so many great things.|
|00:56:51||Same here. And let me tell you,|
|00:56:53||this guy, he's gaga over you.
-lt's true. lt's true.|
-Guilty as charged.|
|00:57:02||Sydney, this is my oldest friend
in the world, Hailey.|
-Hi. l'm good.|
|00:57:09||You didn't ask, but l'm good.|
|00:57:11||-Nice to meet you, Sydney.
-lt's a pleasure.|
|00:57:13||Great. l told you we were early.|
|00:57:16||-Would you shut up?
-lt's supposed to be. . .|
|00:57:17||The minute we get in
you have to start bitching already?|
|00:57:19||-You told me it was a drop-by.
-You know what?|
|00:57:20||-This isn't a drop-by.
-This is not a drop-by.|
|00:57:22||lt's a damn engagement party.
What is wrong with you?|
|00:57:24||Can l have a Belvedere on the rocks,|
-You're such an asshole.|
|00:57:26||Could you just shut up
and not talk to people tonight?|
with sour mix in it for her.|
|00:57:28||l'm sorry they didn't cater this to you
and your liking.|
-No. . .|
|00:57:31||-Hi, you look beautiful !
|00:57:33||-Hello, sweetie. How you doing, baby?
|00:57:35||-Thanks for coming.
|00:57:37||-You guys know each other.
-How you doing? Yeah, we do.|
-Yeah. So. . .|
|00:57:41||-What do you got there?
-Sex on the beach. Yeah.|
|00:57:45||You never know! Gotta be prepared.|
|00:57:49||l'm just saying, you know.|
|00:57:52||-What is going on over there?
-Yeah, let me tell you.|
|00:57:54||-ls that her date?
-l'll give you the whole lowdown.|
|00:57:56||Should we. . .|
|00:58:02||Hey, l don't remember.
Do you play an instrument?|
-Because Syd and l, my buddy Sydney,|
|00:58:08||-we've been jamming a lot. . .
-l don't play any instruments.|
|00:58:12||l slap some bass,
and then Sydney's an axman.|
|00:58:16||'Cause l was gonna say
if you wanted to jam with us,|
|00:58:19||you know, that'd be cool.
But you don't have. . .|
|00:58:21||You have a piano in your house, though,
|00:58:24||-Yeah, l don't play.
-Really? Why do you have a piano?|
|00:58:27||The decorator put it there.|
|00:58:30||Your. . . Does he. . . l thought. . .
No one plays?|
|00:58:33||-l'm gonna go check on the table.
-All right. Yep.|
|00:58:36||-Hi. l'm Denise.
-l'm Zooey's friend.|
|00:58:39||l've heard so much about you.|
|00:58:40||-lt smells like a fucking pet shop in here.
-Hi. How are you? Okay.|
|00:58:42||-Mrs. Klaven, the banquet room is ready.
-And who's Mr. Sunshine here?|
|00:58:45||Hi. This is my husband, Barry.|
|00:58:48||Come on back, everybody.
The banquet room is ready.|
|00:58:50||Well, l'm filling myself up.
l need to undo my pants.|
|00:58:55||There's a lot of protein, but l love it.|
|00:58:59||lf l may, l think it's only fitting
that we're eating tonight at Hop Louie's|
|00:59:05||because this is, after all, Peter's favorite
restaurant to bring all of his dates.|
|00:59:10||So of course he would bring Zooey here
their first night out.|
|00:59:13||-Just like the rest of them.
|00:59:18||l remember that night when Peter
got home, he called me and he said,|
|00:59:20||"Mom, this is the girl l'm gonna marry."|
|00:59:26||And it's not just because she wanted
an extra order of slippery shrimp.|
|00:59:30||On the first date?|
|00:59:35||But the point is,
here we are eight months later.|
|00:59:42||we love you,|
|00:59:44||and we wish only the best for you both.|
|00:59:51||-To Peter and Zooey.
|00:59:57||Well, l promised Denise
we'd be gone after appetizers, so. . .|
|00:59:59||You know what?
l'd actually like to just say a few words|
|01:00:02||-if it's cool with the table.
|01:00:07||What an honor it is to be sitting here
with Peter and Zooey's friends, family,|
|01:00:12||Hailey, Robbie's lover,
Robbie, Oz, Joyce.|
for hosting this beautiful dinner.|
|01:00:21||You got this guy
with the smoking hot wife.|
|01:00:24||And finally, we got Zooey.|
|01:00:28||Zooey, you are about to marry
one of the most honest,|
|01:00:32||kind and fun-loving people
l've ever had the honor of knowing.|
|01:00:37||The Pistol is a pleasure-giver,
that's for sure.|
|01:00:39||Yeah. A fucking puke pistol.|
|01:00:42||And the thing about a man like that,
a man like Peter,|
|01:00:45||is that he never asks
for anything in return,|
|01:00:48||and that's why l'm here.|
|01:00:51||l'm here as Peter's friend,
as Peter's confidant,|
|01:00:56||just to say to you, beautiful Zooey,|
|01:01:01||give it back. Yeah?|
|01:01:09||Return the favor.|
|01:01:14||And if you do,|
|01:01:15||l guarantee that you will have a beautiful
and pleasure-filled union.|
|01:01:20||-l don't think she sucks his dick.
-Watch your mouth.|
|01:01:23||With that, l'd like to raise a glass
to Pete and Zooey.|
|01:01:31||-Peter and Zooey.
|01:01:38||What the hell did you tell Sydney
|01:01:42||l mean, aside from how much l love you.|
|01:01:44||So, what was with all that
|01:01:49||l don't. . .|
|01:01:52||l might have mentioned in passing
|01:01:54||that you don't like doing oral sex.|
|01:02:00||-Peter, that stuff is private.
-ls it? Really?|
|01:02:03||And telling Hailey and Denise
about the hot tub in Mexico isn't?|
|01:02:06||-That is so different. They're. . .
|01:02:08||-l've known them forever.
|01:02:10||Peter, see, Sydney's like a stranger.|
|01:02:12||Hardly. He's become
a really good friend of mine,|
|01:02:14||and now you know how l feel
when there's no privacy|
|01:02:16||-between you and your girlfriends.
-l thought you loved those guys.|
|01:02:19||l do, l love them, but, you know,|
|01:02:21||some things l want to remain
between you and me.|
|01:02:34||By the way,
it's not that l don't like doing it.|
|01:02:38||lt's just that
Rodney just hated getting them.|
|01:02:43||Wait, what guy hates getting blowjobs?|
|01:02:45||He had some weird
intimacy problems, okay?|
|01:02:49||By the end of our relationship, he would
literally shiver when l touched him.|
|01:02:52||But before that, l always liked it.|
|01:02:57||l liked it.|
|01:03:01||Great. That's great.|
|01:03:05||Perfect. l mean, no pressure.
lt's not like l'm saying,|
|01:03:07||"Hey, let's go home tonight
and get some BJs." But, you know. . .|
|01:03:11||Look, if Sydney hadn't asked me
about our sex life,|
|01:03:13||we wouldn't even be talking about this.|
|01:03:20||-And Hailey was really into him.
|01:03:22||Yeah, she liked how honest
and direct he was with her.|
|01:03:25||And, yeah, l know, that's the way he is.
That's his thing.|
|01:03:29||-The four of us should go out.
-Yeah. That'd be great.|
|01:03:39||-Well, have a good Pilates class.
|01:03:41||-Be sure to drink lots of water.
|01:03:48||-Hey, Pete, let's go out back, yeah?
|01:03:55||-She was very nice-looking.
-Yeah, l fucked her.|
|01:03:59||l wonder if my pineapple
matches your pineapple.|
|01:04:02||Hey, you want to check?|
|01:04:05||Nope. Yours is short and fat
and mine is long and skinny.|
|01:04:12||Pete, can l talk to you about something?|
|01:04:14||-Yeah, what's up?
-Will you put down your treat|
|01:04:15||for a minute?|
|01:04:20||l feel really horrible about that toast
l gave at your engagement dinner.|
|01:04:24||lt was ridonculous.|
|01:04:26||l was really excited to meet Zooey
and your family,|
|01:04:28||and then l showed up there
and l was just. . . l got so nervous.|
|01:04:31||lt wasn't so great.|
|01:04:34||l want you to know l'm really sorry.
Everybody must hate me.|
|01:04:37||No, no, no.
Look, you had good intentions.|
-l know one person that didn't hate you.|
|01:04:42||Was it Benji's wife?
She's a hot piece of ass.|
-Yeah. She was funny.|
|01:04:49||l think she likes you.
We should all go out.|
|01:04:51||She seems great, Pete, but honestly,
within five minutes of meeting her,|
|01:04:54||she was telling me how she can't wait
to get married and have kids.|
|01:04:58||Look, she was kidding around.|
|01:04:59||l made reservations to play golf
on Sunday for the four of us.|
|01:05:02||No, Pete, l told you,
l don't play sports with women.|
|01:05:05||Look, man, you told my fiancée
that she needs to give me blowies|
|01:05:08||in front of my whole family, all right?
You owe me.|
|01:05:12||-You make a valid point.
-lt's golf. lt's fun !|
|01:05:19||l never have a beer until the ninth hole.|
|01:05:21||Maybe we can change that rule.|
|01:05:23||-Okay. All right.
-Keep your head down and fluid.|
-Great, come on. You got it.|
|01:05:35||-Oh, my God !
|01:05:38||-Zooey, that was a great shot.
|01:05:40||Really, really good. l'm really impressed.|
|01:05:43||l'm sorry! l'm sorry. l'm sorry.|
-Sorry. Sorry. l'm sorry, Sydney. Sorry.|
Fucking cock in my fucking shit! God !|
-You okay, man?|
-This is my nightmare!|
|01:06:03||-Whack it up.
-Whack it, Hails.|
-Yeah, it is. lt's really nice.|
|01:06:09||lt's kind of frustrating.|
|01:06:12||Yeah. My shin hurts.|
|01:06:14||l didn't realize
my skin could bruise that quickly.|
-Guys, you're killing us here. Seriously.|
|01:06:18||-Let's get the ladies moving.
-Listen, just give me a second.|
|01:06:20||Rate of play, rate of play, rate of play,
rate of play, rate of play.|
|01:06:24||Hailey, you know what, why don't we just
pick it up and move down the fairway?|
|01:06:28||-No, this is fine.
-Because she won't have a chance|
|01:06:29||-to practice, right, Peter?
-l got it.|
|01:06:31||He's kind of got a point. l mean,
we're really holding these guys up.|
|01:06:34||You're being an asshole.
Hailey, just take your time, okay?|
|01:06:36||He's really not being an asshole.
There's a protocol.|
|01:06:38||The marshals come by,
and there is some time pressure.|
|01:06:40||-You know, l'm done. This sucks.
-Hailey, please. . .|
|01:06:42||-l'm out of here.
-Please don't go.|
|01:06:44||-Where are you going?
-Come on, Hailey. lt's okay.|
|01:06:45||-l apologize. l'm sorry.
-l mean, we'll. . . Come on, Hailey.|
|01:06:47||-Please come back.
-Where are you going?|
|01:06:52||-Did you say something?
-Dude Von Dudenstein,|
|01:07:09||-what are you doing tonight?
-I just Ieft you haIf an hour ago.|
|01:07:12||l'm watching HBO with Zooey.|
|01:07:13||I know, but I just got an e-maiI aIert
from the Rush fan cIub.|
|01:07:16||The Holy Trinity is playing
a small club gig tonight at the Avalon.|
|01:07:21||Dude, it's Sunday night.
l can't bail on her again.|
|01:07:23||Dude, you have your whole life|
|01:07:24||to sit around
and watch premium cable with Zooey.|
|01:07:27||Whatever, it's our ritual. lt's HBO.|
|01:07:29||lt's not TV, it's HBO.|
|01:07:30||Have you ever watched Sunday night
programming on HBO? lt's spectacular.|
|01:07:33||lt's fucking Rush.|
|01:07:37||l haven't seen them
since the Signals tour.|
|01:07:41||Can l invite Zooey?|
|01:08:16||-Slapping the bass!
-Slapping the bass!|
|01:09:00||What the fuck?|
|01:09:20||My God. We could practice every day
for six months, and l'm planning on it,|
|01:09:24||and we'll still suck. Yeah.
l'll give you a call.|
|01:09:28||All right. Take it easy, Magooch.|
|01:09:34||-Were you spying on me?
-Yeah, l was.|
|01:09:37||Because l'm totally weirded out
about what's going on between you two.|
|01:09:42||What are you talking about?
We were just going over the set list.|
|01:09:45||-l mean, what's the big deal?
-The big deal is|
|01:09:47||that we were supposed to have
a date night,|
|01:09:49||and you took me to this concert,
which is cool,|
|01:09:52||but then we get there
and it's like l don't even exist.|
|01:09:54||You don't even look at me.
You're licking Sydney's bass guitar.|
|01:09:59||There were tons of guys
that were licking each other's basses.|
|01:10:02||l just. . .
l feel like l'm losing you a little bit.|
|01:10:06||What? We were just doing
a recap of the set list.|
|01:10:11||l was going over the set list.|
|01:10:15||So the big day's coming up.
How are you feeling?|
|01:10:17||Well, you know,
l was feeling really good,|
|01:10:19||but Zooey and l have been
fighting a lot recently.|
|01:10:22||All right, let me ask you a question.
Why are you marrying her?|
|01:10:25||What kind of question is that?|
|01:10:27||Well, it seems to me like you've gone
from relationship to relationship,|
|01:10:30||so is Zooey the one
or is she just the next one?|
|01:10:34||No, she's the one.|
|01:10:36||All right, well, how come?|
|01:10:40||l don't know. We're in love.|
|01:10:43||And. . .|
|01:10:46||That's a hard question to answer.|
|01:10:49||Listen, l'm not trying to push you at all.
lt's just for me,|
|01:10:53||sometimes talking this stuff out helps
to clarify things. That's all.|
|01:10:56||Let's go try on some penguin suits.|
|01:11:01||Thank you, lovely. What's your name?|
-That was my mother's name.|
|01:11:06||So l'm thinking about asking Tevin
if he wants in on the Ferrigno house.|
|01:11:10||Dude, l pissed on that guy's face
at a Bennigan's.|
|01:11:13||You do not need
to be splitting commission|
|01:11:15||with that frosty-haired chode.|
|01:11:20||l have to face facts, Syd.
l'm a flats guy, you know?|
|01:11:23||Tevin's got the flash needed
to sell the place.|
|01:11:26||What do you think?|
|01:11:28||You look fucking stiff.|
|01:11:29||We're shopping for tuxedos
for your wedding, man.|
|01:11:32||Let's have a good time.
Loosen it up a little bit.|
|01:11:34||l wanna take a photo.
Now, give me an action pose.|
|01:11:37||Like what? What do you mean?|
|01:11:39||Well, you're wearing a tuxedo.
What do you think l mean?|
|01:11:44||When have you ever seen
anyone in a tuxedo do that move?|
|01:11:48||Besides Runaway Bride.|
|01:11:50||You're wearing a tuxedo.
Think James Bond, all right?|
|01:11:53||Give me some James Bond.|
lt just looks like you're pointing at me.|
|01:12:05||-You look ridiculous, man.
-What am l. . . How can l. . . l can't. . .|
|01:12:08||-Think Timothy Dalton.
|01:12:12||Hey, that's pretty good.|
|01:12:14||Tell you what.
Give me your best Bond impression.|
|01:12:16||Why don't you get off your board|
|01:12:18||and get on. . .
"Get out of my dreams and into my car."|
|01:12:22||You looking for your pot of gold?|
|01:12:24||Why does everything l do
sound like a leprechaun?|
|01:12:26||You tell me. He speaks
like the coolest man on earth.|
|01:12:29||-The name is Bond. Oh, yeah.
-There you go.|
|01:12:32||The name is James Bond.|
|01:12:38||l'll have a margarita.|
|01:12:41||Well, hey there, Miss Moneypussy.
Wanna jump on my jetpack?|
|01:12:46||All right, enough of that.
Let's just take the picture, all right?|
|01:12:49||Arch an eyebrow for me. Other eyebrow.|
|01:12:54||No, you just look confused.|
|01:12:56||Arch your eyebrow up.
No, not both, just one.|
|01:13:00||l don't know how. . .|
|01:13:02||All right, maybe l was wrong.
Let's see the back.|
|01:13:08||You know what?
l'm not sure l'm in love with the drape.|
|01:13:09||What's wrong with the drape?
Does the vent move funny?|
|01:13:12||You should wear something
with a little more pizzazz, right?|
|01:13:14||-A little more flash.
-You don't like the split panel?|
|01:13:15||-Peacock it out a bit.
|01:13:17||-Let's try. . .
-What are those? Checkers?|
|01:13:19||-Here. Give this one a try.
-Give me a break.|
|01:13:21||-No way, man.
|01:13:22||l can't fricking pull that off. lt's blue.|
|01:13:24||Look at me.|
|01:13:25||You have this image of yourself
as this straight-laced, tight guy,|
|01:13:30||but l've seen you cut loose
in the man cave, and it is fantastic.|
|01:13:33||Well, yeah. Slap a little bass.|
|01:13:35||Yeah, it's the same
with the Ferrigno house.|
|01:13:38||You have all of the skills in the world,
and you have no confidence.|
|01:13:41||Now, sack up, man.|
|01:13:44||Put on the fucking suit.|
|01:13:49||l can't believe you just touched my balls.|
|01:13:55||Hey, so listen, l also wanted
to talk to you about something.|
|01:13:57||This investment opportunity
has come up. lt's a total winner.|
|01:14:02||The only problem is
all my funds are tied up in equities,|
|01:14:04||so l'm cash poor right now.|
|01:14:08||So l was wondering if you would
consider loaning me a few shekels?|
|01:14:15||How much are we talking about?|
|01:14:18||You know, 8.|
|01:14:23||$8,000. That's. . . That's a lot of. . .|
|01:14:28||That's a lot of quiche, you know?
A lot of cake.|
|01:14:33||lt just. . . lt might be a little tricky,|
|01:14:35||just 'cause Zooey's dad
is out of the picture,|
|01:14:37||and, you know,
we're paying for the wedding ourselves.|
|01:14:40||You know what? Enough said.|
|01:14:42||An opportunity came up.
l thought l would ask. No big deal.|
|01:14:46||Can you tell me about the investment?|
|01:14:48||l can't, actually.
lt's confidential in nature, so. . .|
|01:14:52||Okay. Let me think about it.|
|01:14:54||Yeah, of course, buddy.|
|01:15:02||-This is my. . .
|01:15:04||Sydney. This is Sydney.|
|01:15:09||You know, it takes a lot of nerve|
|01:15:10||to spend a beautiful evening
|01:15:12||and then never call them again.|
|01:15:15||Doug, l can explain.|
|01:15:17||l just wish l could take back that kiss,|
|01:15:19||because l felt something
that l haven't felt in years,|
|01:15:22||and now l know
it was the taste of betrayal.|
|01:15:25||lt wasn't the taste of betrayal.|
|01:15:27||-lt was the taste of betrayal.
-No, it really wasn't.|
|01:15:28||lt was the taste of betrayal,
you fucking whore.|
|01:15:37||-l can actually explain what just. . .
-l would love to hear that.|
|01:15:41||Wow. l mean, l knew when l got
the nod for the engagement dinner|
|01:15:45||you didn't have a ton of friends,
but l had no idea it went that far.|
|01:15:48||Truth is, l never even thought about it
until Zooey and l got engaged.|
you were basically just using me|
|01:15:54||because you needed
to fill out your wedding party.|
|01:15:56||Dude, no. Not it at all.|
|01:15:59||l'd actually given up
on meeting someone,|
|01:16:02||and then you wandered
into that open house, we hit it off,|
|01:16:07||and three-quarters of the Rush
songbook later, here we are.|
|01:16:10||-l just wish you'd have told me.
-Well, l was embarrassed.|
|01:16:13||l mean, you've had a close group
of male friends your whole life. l haven't.|
|01:16:16||l started feeling
like some kind of weirdo.|
|01:16:20||l get it. But l just want you to know
that you're my friend,|
|01:16:25||and you can tell me anything.|
|01:16:27||Thanks, Sydney. l appreciate that.|
|01:16:32||Hey, man, look, about that investment. . .|
forget l even brought it up, honestly.|
|01:16:36||l've been saving my whole life,|
|01:16:37||and you were right.
l'm gonna sell the Ferrigno place.|
|01:16:39||Fuck, yeah, you are.|
|01:16:42||l'd be happy to lend you the money.
l know you're good for it.|
|01:16:45||Pistol, that is great. Thank you.|
|01:16:49||lt's the least l could do
for the best man at my wedding.|
|01:16:55||What are you talking about?|
|01:16:57||l want you to stand up there with me.
Are you cool with that?|
|01:17:00||Am l cool with that?|
|01:17:02||Of course l'll be your best man !
That's an honor! lt's. . .|
|01:17:10||You're a whore, Peter.|
|01:17:15||-l think we're almost there.
-l think we're almost there, too.|
|01:17:18||l think it's just about putting
the random people together.|
-We should talk about the main table,|
|01:17:22||because if Hailey doesn't find a date
before the wedding,|
|01:17:26||which, let's be honest,
it seems pretty likely that she won't. . .|
|01:17:31||. . .we have an extra seat at our table.|
|01:17:33||Well, l was thinking that maybe
Sydney would sit at our table.|
|01:17:36||l asked him to be my best man.|
|01:17:39||Great! That's awesome.
That was the whole thing.|
|01:17:43||l'm not an idiot.
You're not psyched about this at all.|
|01:17:45||No, it's just. . .
l feel like he has some issue with me.|
|01:17:49||What? No. You guys just haven't
spent any time together.|
|01:17:52||-We've spent some time together.
-l'll talk to him.|
|01:17:54||Peter, do not talk to him.|
|01:17:56||He's gonna think
l'm saying stuff behind his back.|
|01:17:58||-You are saying stuff behind his back.
-No. l'm just sharing a feeling with you.|
|01:18:02||And l want you to.|
please don't say anything to him.|
|01:18:05||Okay, l won't.|
|01:18:08||So, we still have
to pick up the marriage license.|
|01:18:11||-Can you meet up tomorrow afternoon?
-Totally, yeah. Perfect.|
|01:18:14||So, what'd she say
about me being your best man?|
|01:18:17||She was pumped.
She thought it was awesome.|
|01:18:20||Come on, dude.|
|01:18:21||l'm the worst liar.
l promised her l wouldn't say anything.|
|01:18:25||Well, what is it?|
|01:18:28||She thinks you don't like her.|
|01:18:30||What? That is. . . No, of course l like her.
Are you. . .|
|01:18:34||We've only hung out a few times,|
|01:18:35||but she's gonna be your wife.
Of course l like her.|
|01:18:38||This dumb toast
is gonna haunt me forever.|
|01:18:43||Oh, man !|
|01:18:45||Dude, why is Ferrigno eating
with that urinal-cake-faced fuckhead?|
|01:18:49||We gotta confront him. Hold this.|
|01:18:52||No, wait. Sydney, wait, wait.
|01:18:54||Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
What the fuck is going on here?|
|01:19:00||-Do l know you?
-No, you don't know me,|
|01:19:02||but l believe you know
my friend Peter Klaven,|
|01:19:04||who has an exclusive listing
on this man's property.|
|01:19:06||Lou, you promised Peter
the commission to your house.|
|01:19:09||l know, but he's not doing shit with it.|
|01:19:10||That is total crap, Hulk, all right?|
|01:19:12||Listen, this kind of stuff
doesn't happen overnight.|
|01:19:14||Peter, who the hell is this guy?|
|01:19:16||Hulk, let me tell you something
about Peter. . .|
|01:19:18||Look, please get your hand out of
my face and stop calling me Hulk.|
|01:19:21||l'm a person, okay?|
|01:19:22||l'm a person, okay.|
|01:19:23||-l warned you.
-You warned me?|
|01:19:26||l'm on my way to the marriage bureau.|
|01:19:27||Fuck you, Lou Ferrigno!|
|01:19:29||ls that Sydney?|
-Fuck you, Hulk!|
|01:19:35||What the. . . What are you doing?|
|01:19:36||-What's going on?
-Sydney. He's fighting Lou Ferrigno.|
|01:19:39||Peter! He's so strong!|
|01:19:41||-Easy. Don't fight it.
-The Hulk has me in a sleeper hold,|
|01:19:43||-and l don't think l can take him. . .
-Easy. That's it.|
|01:19:50||Why the fuck would anyone
get in a fight with Lou Ferrigno?|
|01:19:53||Sydney's a hothead.
He thought he was standing up for me.|
|01:19:55||To The lncredible Hulk?|
|01:19:57||No, that's just a character he played.
ln real life, Lou's actually a sweet man.|
|01:20:02||So, what does that mean
for your development property?|
|01:20:06||lt means it's over.|
|01:20:08||Without the Ferrigno commission,
l'm not gonna be able to afford it.|
|01:20:11||You have some money saved up.|
|01:20:12||Can't you just write them a check,
you know, to show your good faith?|
|01:20:16||Between the wedding, and then,
you know, l lent Sydney some money.|
|01:20:20||l mean, it's just l'm gonna be short.
|01:20:23||Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You lent Sydney money?|
|01:20:27||For an investment.
All his money's tied up in equities.|
|01:20:29||-He's gonna pay me back.
-Peter, that's not the point.|
|01:20:32||We're getting married. You can't
just keep stuff like this from me.|
|01:20:36||Can l ask you a question?|
|01:20:39||Why do you think we're getting married?|
|01:20:43||What are you talking about?|
|01:20:45||No, it's just. . . Sydney asked me
that question, and l couldn't. . .|
|01:20:47||"Well, why Zooey?"
And l didn't know how to answer it.|
|01:20:50||-Are you kidding? You're kidding, right?
|01:20:54||Two weeks before our wedding|
|01:20:56||and you don't know
why you're marrying me?|
|01:20:59||Just forget it. lt was a stupid question.
l don't even know what l was thinking.|
|01:21:02||Just forget. . . Take it back 1 0 seconds
before l asked it,|
|01:21:05||and let's live in that time.|
|01:21:07||The thing is, Peter,
l get why you would wonder that. l do.|
|01:21:11||But l wish you would have answered
the question before you proposed to me.|
|01:21:15||That's the thing.
Before l didn't even think about it.|
|01:21:18||That came out bad, too.
l didn't. . . l'm so. . .|
l don't know what l'm saying.|
|01:21:21||Let me just make this
a little simpler for you.|
|01:21:23||l'm gonna go stay
with Denise and Barry,|
|01:21:25||and you and your bud Sydney
can hang out and beat up Lou Ferrigno|
|01:21:29||and go to Rush concerts|
|01:21:31||and ride a tandem bicycle down
the Venice Boardwalk for all l care.|
|01:21:34||-We never rode bicycles.
|01:21:37||Zooey, come on ! This is ridiculous!
|01:22:13||Oh, my God.|
|01:22:26||All right, he put up some billboards.
Put up some billboards.|
|01:22:31||Oh, my God.|
|01:22:37||Oh, God ! No!|
|01:22:40||Fuck me over. Fucking fucking fuck!|
|01:22:46||Are you kidding me?|
|01:22:50||Come on !|
|01:22:59||Yeah, it's open.|
|01:23:02||That's what you borrowed $8,000 for?|
|01:23:04||You saw the billboards.
Pretty awesome, right?|
|01:23:07||My buddy Dave sells ad space,
so he got us a great deal.|
|01:23:10||Pretty awesome? They're idiotic.|
|01:23:11||You put my face on a 1 0-foot dick
over Santa Monica Boulevard.|
|01:23:15||Yeah. lt's hilarious.|
|01:23:17||Well, in one day you managed to screw
my career, you ruined my relationship. . .|
|01:23:21||What are you talking about?
Ruin your relationship?|
|01:23:23||Zooey walked out on me|
|01:23:24||because l asked her
why we were getting married.|
|01:23:28||Why would you ask her that?|
|01:23:30||Pete, that conversation
was between you and me.|
|01:23:33||You can't have that talk with her. l just. . .
Look, l assumed you understood that.|
|01:23:37||God, l am so sick
of your ridiculous rules.|
|01:23:40||l like it that l can share things
|01:23:42||l like it that if l can't sleep at night,
she's there to talk to.|
|01:23:46||Do you know the best night
l've had in the last five years|
|01:23:49||is the night
that Zooey and l split a bottle of wine,|
|01:23:52||we made a summer salad,
and watched Chocolat together.|
|01:23:55||-You mean Chocolate?
|01:23:56||-Chocolate with Johnny Depp.
|01:23:58||You're not fucking French, Pete.
lt's called Chocolate.|
|01:24:01||Chocolate has got an "E" on it.|
|01:24:02||-That was your favorite night?
|01:24:03||Your best night in five years is
watching Chocolate with Johnny Depp?|
|01:24:06||You should be ashamed of yourself.|
|01:24:07||The combination of wine
and summer salad and Chocolat, yeah.|
|01:24:10||You should be embarrassed.|
|01:24:12||You know, l think you're threatened
by what Zooey and l have|
|01:24:14||because you're afraid
l won't be able to hang out every night.|
|01:24:16||Hey, you know what?
l have a ton of friends, all right?|
|01:24:18||Yeah, who are all moving on
with their lives.|
|01:24:20||They're in relationships. They have kids.
They're growing up.|
|01:24:24||Hey, let's not forget.
You were the one using me.|
|01:24:27||-l think we were using each other.
|01:24:30||l really don't understand
what's going on right now.|
|01:24:35||l think we should spend
some time apart.|
|01:24:46||So if l actually do
wind up having a wedding,|
|01:24:48||it's probably best that you not be there.|
|01:24:53||Yeah. Sounds good to me, Pete.|
|01:24:55||And if you could have
those billboards taken down. . .|
|01:24:56||Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it'll take
a few days, but l will get on that.|
|01:25:00||And l'll also make sure you get
your money back as soon as possible.|
|01:25:04||Also, l think you have
my season 2 Lost DVDs. lf you. . .|
|01:25:10||-lf you haven't watched them yet. . .
-lt's fine, Pete. They're right here.|
|01:25:19||lt's just Zooey hasn't seen them all yet,|
|01:25:21||and she's really curious as to what
was going on inside that hatch.|
|01:25:28||-l wish you the best of luck, Peter.
-You, too, Sydney.|
|01:25:48||-Hey, Denise. Sorry to bother you.
-lt's. . . l'll go get Zooey.|
|01:26:03||l'm here to talk to my fiancée.|
|01:26:10||-On the billboards.
|01:26:13||-Yeah, my friend Sydney, he. . .
-l don't give a shit.|
|01:26:23||-Could l talk to you outside?
|01:26:28||-License to sell.
|01:26:31||Look, that's what Sydney borrowed
all that money for.|
|01:26:34||He thought it would help my career.|
|01:26:35||Well, it got your name out there.|
|01:26:38||Besides, you look pretty cute
with a thick mustache.|
l'm so sorry that l asked you|
|01:26:46||why you thought we should get married.|
|01:26:47||lt's just that l've been talking
about this stuff with Sydney,|
|01:26:49||and, you know, it made me nervous.|
|01:26:51||Peter, l'm nervous, too, okay?
lt's a big deal.|
|01:26:55||l couldn't believe actually how sure
you seemed about the whole thing,|
|01:26:58||which is why l freaked out when you
all of a sudden started questioning it.|
|01:27:02||Well, l'm sure about us
for so many reasons.|
|01:27:05||Truth is, l've been a girlfriend guy,
but out of all those girls,|
|01:27:08||you're the only one
that wanted me to have my own life.|
|01:27:10||You know? You want me
to have friends for me, not you.|
|01:27:15||lt's, like, one of the most romantic
things l could ever think of.|
|01:27:21||Dude, come on.|
|01:27:23||Zooey, l love you, and l wanna spend
the rest of my life with you.|
|01:27:28||Can we get this engagement
back on track?|
|01:27:36||-Come on, it's poker night.
|01:27:38||So just take her out for a cup of coffee
|01:27:39||l'm not taking her out for a cup of coffee.|
|01:27:41||Why don't you take the boys
to fucking Starbucks and play poker?|
|01:27:43||Because it's poker night here.
lt's always poker night here.|
|01:27:45||Yeah, that's my best friend.|
|01:27:46||l'm not leaving her, ever.
How about that?|
|01:27:48||She can stay here for five years
if she wants to.|
|01:27:51||You're gonna dress up like
a cheerleader tonight for me, all right?|
|01:27:53||Fine. Get the fuck out of here.|
|01:27:54||Hey, Zooey, you can stay here as long
as you want. You are always welcome.|
-Okay? Hey, by the way,|
|01:28:01||Peter, they've got plenty of room open
on the poker table.|
|01:28:04||They were lying.
They'd love to have you play poker.|
|01:28:06||-l'm not going to.
|01:28:09||Oh, my God.
Barry and Denise fight all the time,|
|01:28:11||and then they have really loud,
intense make-up sex.|
|01:28:13||Please get me out of here, please.|
|01:28:14||-Let's get your stuff. Come on.
|01:28:16||By the way, l ended things with Sydney.|
l hope that's not because of me.|
|01:28:20||No, no. He can be a great guy. lt's just. . .
lt wasn't really working out.|
|01:28:29||Then you process your purchase.|
|01:28:31||That sounds riveting.|
|01:28:38||l just stepped
in your dog's crap, asshole!|
|01:28:41||Aren't you gonna pick up
your dog's shit, shit giant?|
|01:28:45||Pick up your shit like a man !|
|01:28:47||Nice scarf, dickwad !|
|01:28:49||-Okay, so what should be our last song?
-Into the Mystic.|
|01:28:54||That's perfect. That is perfect.|
|01:28:56||Okay. Okay, so we have to go
through the place cards one more time,|
|01:28:59||'cause l'm a little bit. . .|
|01:29:02||Why don't you just call him?|
|01:29:05||Because guys don't do that.|
|01:29:11||E, Ethan. What's up, my man?
E. Bone Capone.|
|01:29:16||l'm just hanging out, man.|
|01:29:17||l wanted to see if you wanted to come
over and watch TV or something.|
|01:29:20||Again you're gonna watch
the Wonder Emporium?|
|01:29:24||Dude, what the fuck is there
to do at LEGOLAND|
|01:29:27||that you take these kids there
|01:29:31||l understand that
that's not the point of teaching,|
|01:29:34||but just give them all B pluses.|
|01:29:36||Can l. . . Could l come with you?|
|01:29:40||What do you mean,
the kids think l'm creepy?|
|01:29:44||-Good to see you, Peter.
-You, too, Mel.|
|01:29:47||You know, l haven't had a real friend
since my wife passed.|
|01:29:52||l'm really glad you called.|
|01:29:56||Hey, do you have any plans
on June 30th?|
|01:30:00||l'm 89 years old. What the fuck
kind of plans would l have?|
|01:30:08||Just needed an adjustment.
I hope it'II be better now.|
|01:30:11||My mother knew Roux's return
had nothing to do with the siIIy oId door.|
|01:30:19||So did I.|
|01:30:22||My favorite, hot chocoIate.|
|01:30:24||Davis Dunn, how may l direct your call?|
-Peter. Where have you been?|
|01:30:28||Well, it's my wedding this weekend,|
|01:30:30||so l've been helping my fiancée
with all the last-minute preparations.|
|01:30:34||They broke the mold
when they made you.|
|01:30:37||Go check your voice mail.
You got like a million messages.|
|01:30:44||Yeah, is this PistoI Pete?|
|01:30:46||I have a home in Los FeIiz,
and I've been trying to seII it,|
|01:30:48||and I saw your biIIboards.
I'm very impressed with your ads.|
|01:30:51||License to seII? That's hystericaI!
It's Iike James Bond.|
|01:30:54||Hi, I'm interested
in buying the Ferrigno estate.|
|01:30:57||-If you couId give me a caII.
-Oh, my God.|
|01:30:58||I Iove the one with you in the bed.
My number is 31 0...|
|01:31:02||-My husband and I saw your ad...
-Stop. Slow down.|
|01:31:04||HeIIo, Peter. It's Doug.|
|01:31:07||Saw the biIIboards. They are wonderfuI.|
|01:31:10||WouIdn't expect anything Iess from you.
And sorry about caIIing you a whore.|
|01:31:15||And heIIo to Sydney
if you guys are stiII together.|
|01:31:17||Otherwise, you can Facebook me.|
|01:31:20||Peter, hi. It's Lou Ferrigno.
|01:31:23||Listen, I'm sorry
if I ever doubted you, man.|
|01:31:26||l told that douchebag Tevin|
|01:31:27||that l want you to have
the exclusive back on my house.|
|01:31:30||-Excuse me, Mr. Ferrigno?
-Okay. Thank you.|
|01:31:33||So just call me or just text me.|
|01:31:36||Goodbye, my friend.|
|01:31:43||There's my dog !|
|01:31:45||Hey, me rikey the billboards.|
|01:31:48||l completely underestimated you,
|01:31:50||What say we go down to Houston's,
get a burger and a beer|
|01:31:53||and talk about how we can tag-team
the Ferrigno deal?|
|01:32:03||Why are you slapping me?|
|01:32:04||Because l wanted
to cause you some physical pain,|
|01:32:07||but l have never actually hit anybody
in the face. lt freaks me out.|
|01:32:10||And l didn't really know what to do.|
|01:32:13||Tevin, stay the fuck away
from my listing.|
|01:32:27||Good luck, Peter.|
|01:32:40||l'm so excited to see who Peter chose
for his wedding party.|
|01:33:04||Honestly, that has to be
the most random|
|01:33:06||collection of groomsmen
in the history of weddings.|
|01:33:09||-l'm great. You know, l just got to. . .
|01:33:11||l'll see you at the wedding.|
|01:33:12||l'm gonna get another mimosa.|
|01:33:14||Do you want to finish the one. . .|
l didn't expect to hear from you.|
|01:33:45||No, l wouldn't want to impose.|
Maybe if l hurry, l can make the end of it.|
|01:33:51||Okay, l gotta go.
l gotta find something to wear.|
|01:34:05||Which one of these men has the ring?|
|01:34:08||l actually don't have a best man, so. . .|
|01:34:14||Robbie, l want you
to hold the ring for me.|
|01:34:19||-Are you serious?
-Unless you don't want to. l mean. . .|
|01:34:32||Hey, l want you boys to know,
you're both my best friends|
|01:34:40||and Hank Mardukas.|
|01:35:24||-Thanks. lt's blue.
-Yes, it is.|
|01:35:27||-You look amazing.
We are gathered here today|
|01:35:34||to join Peter Klaven and Zooey Rice
|01:35:38||lf anyone can show just cause
why they may not marry. . .|
|01:35:43||You son of a bitch !|
|01:35:44||No, no, Mr. Ferrigno,
l don't wanna object.|
|01:35:47||l just wanted to make it in time
for the vows. That's all.|
|01:35:50||l'm sorry. Sorry.|
|01:35:52||Sydney, come up.|
|01:35:54||No, l'm fine back here.|
|01:35:55||-Please, yes. Yes.
-Are you sure?|
|01:35:59||l hope you don't mind.|
|01:36:01||You invited him?|
|01:36:10||Well, l saw you walking
on the lawn looking all sad,|
|01:36:12||and l realized l couldn't let you
get married without your best man.|
|01:36:20||-l love you so much.
-l love you, too.|
|01:36:23||Zooey, thanks so much for inviting me.|
|01:36:25||Of course. You got here really fast.|
|01:36:28||Yeah. You know what,
l was on the Vesp,|
|01:36:30||so l just did the old weaveroo.|
|01:36:33||Dude, you're lying.
Your voice went up when you said that.|
|01:36:36||His voice got high.|
|01:36:40||Look, l was on my way
when Zooey called.|
|01:36:42||lnvite or not, there was no way
l was gonna miss your wedding,|
|01:36:45||and l wanted to give you this.|
|01:36:51||Man, you don't have to do this.|
|01:36:53||You know what?
l know you don't believe me,|
|01:36:54||but l'm actually
a pretty successful investor, so. . .|
|01:36:57||Look, the billboards
were my wedding gift to you guys.|
|01:36:59||Man, they worked.|
|01:37:00||Yeah, l figured when l saw the Ferrigs
that they must have worked.|
-Lou's the best.|
|01:37:05||l can only imagine.|
|01:37:09||l put him in a sleeper hold. Out.|
|01:37:13||Sydney, l'm really sorry
for all the stuff that l said.|
|01:37:15||Pete, you called me
on a lot of my issues. l appreciate it.|
|01:37:19||And for the record, l saw Chocolat.|
|01:37:26||lt is, right?|
|01:37:27||-l love Chocolat.
-l love that movie.|
|01:37:29||-Chocolat? What the fuck is that?
-l have no idea.|
|01:37:32||lt's a beautiful movie.|
|01:37:34||l'm really glad you're here, Sydney.|
|01:37:39||l can't even imagine getting married
|01:37:46||l love you, man.|
|01:37:48||l love you, too, bud.|
|01:37:54||-l love you, dude.
-l love you, Bro Montana.|
|01:37:57||-l love you, holmes.
-l love you, Broseph Goebbels.|
|01:37:59||-Love you, muchacha.
-l love you, Tycho Brohe.|
|01:38:02||Okay. Okay. Right. Let's continue here.|
|01:38:06||-l so wanna marry you.
|01:38:09||l'm going to.|
|01:38:10||Zooey, repeat after me.|
|01:38:11||-l, Zooey Rice.
-l, Zooey Rice.|
|01:38:14||-Take you, Peter Klaven.
-Take you, Peter Klaven.|
|01:38:17||-To be my lawfully wedded husband.
-To be my lawfully wedded husband.|
|01:40:07||l'm really sorry
about that dumb toast l gave.|
|01:40:10||lt was out of line. l got really nervous
to meet you and l'm. . .|
|01:40:12||l don't know what happened to me.
|01:40:14||Sydney, it's fine. Thank you.
That's very sweet of you.|
|01:40:18||For the record, l like giving blowjobs.|
|01:40:21||Well, that's good to hear. You know,
l was just looking out for my buddy.|
|01:40:24||l hear you.|
|01:40:26||l had to make sure that
he's getting blowies on a regular basis.|
|01:40:28||Yeah, l'm not really comfortable
with this conversation.|
-We're all friends now.|
|01:40:32||-Friends do this.
-No, they don't.|
|01:40:40||-Wow, you have a nice singing voice.
|01:40:42||-Are you in a band?
|01:40:52||That's awesome! That's awesome!|
|01:40:54||Excuse me, Peter.|
|01:41:00||Get my wife on up here!|
|01:41:05||You've been Rushified!|
|01:41:12||-You should be. . .
-You've never called me an asshole?|
|01:41:13||No, l've said you act like an asshole.|
|01:41:15||So, you get away with it
because it was the act of.|
|01:41:17||-That's your behavior.
|01:41:18||l'm not saying you're an asshole.|
|01:41:20||Oh, my God.|
Do l have a fucking sign on me?|
|01:41:23||-No, it's not my fault.
-How is it not your fault?|
|01:41:26||Because l'm pregnant.|
|01:41:29||l love you so much. l love you so much.|
|01:41:33||-Are you still mad?
-Try to make it a boy.|
I'd just Iike to make a quick toast.|