Super Troopers

00:01:01No, man, I'm just saying'-- I'm sayin' if-if you own
00:01:03the beach property, right...
00:01:05- Mm-hmm? - do you own, like,
00:01:07the sand and the water?
00:01:08Nobody owns the water. God owns--It's God's water.
00:01:12What if someone walks onto your beach, right?
00:01:15Let's say if you do own it.
00:01:16No, man, you don't own the beach.
00:01:18- What you own is sand on the beach, man.
00:01:20Here. Here, man.
00:01:20- What if there's a naked girl on the beach?
00:01:24That girl's not yours. You don't own the girl.
00:01:26- What if she breaks her foot on your property?
00:01:28She could sue me.
00:01:31Sue me! Sue me!
00:01:34- Oh, shit! Oh, shit! - Holy shit!
00:01:38Ditch it, man! Ditch it!
00:01:40- Dude, can you eat it? - The whole bag?
00:01:43Fuck it!
00:01:48Hey, Mike, um, while you're at it?
00:01:52- Those are 'shrooms, dude! - Come on, man, just eat it!
00:02:00Mike, uh...
00:02:02- I hate to ask, but, uh...for the team? - I can't eat that!
00:02:06- No! Throw it out the window! - Okay! Okay! Okay!
00:02:08All right, I'm doin' a drop.
00:02:10- I'm goin' for a drop. - Just opening the window.
00:02:14- It's gone. It's gone. - We're cool. It's cool.
00:02:16- Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
00:02:18- We're dead! - All right, all right.
00:02:20Windows down! Windows down!
00:02:21- Windows down! Put the windows down!
00:02:28All right, we're cool. We're cool.
00:02:38God, did you see that?
00:02:40It must have been, like, a double homicide
00:02:42or something fuckin' cool.
00:02:44- We was freakin' out, man. - Man, I almost had a heart attack.
00:02:49Mike, you didn't eat both those bags, did you?
00:02:51- Come and get it.
00:02:55You must have eaten, like, a hundred bucks worth of pot...
00:03:00- and, like, 30 bucks worth of shrooms, man.
00:03:02Who's the man?
00:03:03So, I'm gonna--I'm gonna need 130 buck, you know...
00:03:08whenever you get a chance.
00:03:10- Fuck, man. - That-That's not really cool, man.
00:03:17Is that the same car, man?
00:03:19- D-Do I look high? - Yeah.
00:03:33Here they-- Here they come.
00:03:35- Lick on it. Just lick it or somethin'.
00:03:38Be cool, be cool.
00:03:43License and registration.
00:03:45Uh, Officer, I know that--
00:03:47License and registration, please.
00:03:49The regis--
00:03:57- You know how fast you were goin'? - What?
00:03:59- How fast you were goin'? - Uh, 65?
00:04:03- Sixty-three. - Officer, isn't-isn't
00:04:07the speed limit 65?
00:04:08Yeah, it is.
00:04:12- Where you boys headed? - Canada.
00:04:15C-Canada. We're goin' over the border to Canada...
00:04:17- for some french fries and gravy, sir. - Poutine.
00:04:21Canada, huh? Almost made it.
00:04:26- Are you okay? - Yeah, sure.
00:04:30- Yes, sir? - Yes, sir.
00:04:32- Now, did you say, 'Yes, sir'? - I think he said, 'Yeah, sure.'
00:04:36- What'd you say, man? - Well, I said, 'Yeah, sure,'
00:04:38but what, literally, I said was, 'Yeah, sure, sir.'
00:04:42- So you are okay then? - Yes, sir.
00:04:45- You smell somethin', Rabbit? - Fear.
00:04:50Now hand over that registration.
00:04:52Yes, sir. My mother's gonna kill me.
00:04:59Holy, shit. This is--This is--This is-- Don't look. Don't look.
00:05:03- Oh, my God. - I don't get it, man.
00:05:05- Am I fucked up or is this fucked up, man?
00:05:10This shit is fuckin' crazy.
00:05:13Shit, man. I was just about to pull out my Nine...
00:05:15and put a cap in that pig's ass.
00:05:20- Oh, fuck!
00:05:25- Oh, my God!
00:05:28Shit!
00:05:36Fuck!
00:05:40Pull the vehicle over!
00:05:43- I'm-I'm already pulled over, man! - Pull over farther, man!
00:05:46- I can't pull over-- Sir, I'm already pulled over!
00:05:48He's already pulled over!
00:05:49He can't pull over any farther!
00:05:54License and registration, please.
00:05:57- But I-I just gave you it, Officer. - License and registration.
00:06:02You know how fast you were goin'?
00:06:05- Uh, sixty-five? - Sixty-three.
00:06:07I'm freakin' out, man.
00:06:10You are freakin' out, man.
00:06:15You want to know why I pulled you over?
00:06:18- Littering. - Officer, that-that's not ours.
00:06:22- Candy bars! - Littering and--Littering and--
00:06:26- And, uh-- - Littering and--
00:06:28Littering and, uh--Littering and, uh--
00:06:32Littering and, uh--
00:06:39- Littering and smoking the reefer.
00:06:43Now to teach you boys a lesson, Officer Rabbit
00:06:45and I are gonna stand here...
00:06:46- while you three smoke the whole bag.
00:06:49Please, no.
00:06:50- Please, yes-- - Fuckin'pig!
00:06:52Mother of God.
00:07:02Whoo!
00:07:08We're in high-speed pursuit of a white Miata
00:07:11headin' southbound on 2-9-4.
00:07:13Unit 91, come in, 91. Unit 91, come in, 91.
00:07:17What are you doing out there, 91? Quit counting your pubes.
00:07:20We got a hell-raiser in a white Miata.
00:07:23Ninety-one, are you there? Ninety-one?
00:07:25Ninety-one, are you there?
00:07:28Hey, good-lookin'. You catch any speeders today?
00:07:40- Whoo! - What the fuck!
00:07:45- Let's go, 91.
00:08:36Rabbit, get that gun out!
00:08:41Aw, Mac, you fucker!
00:08:44Greetings.
00:08:47- You guys are too slow. - You killed my dummy.
00:08:51Mac, now I'm gonna pay you. But I shouldn't, 'cause I knew
00:08:54it was you the whole time.
00:08:55Thorny, don't lie in front of the rookie.
00:08:58It sets a bad example.
00:08:59- Foster, where are your shoes? - What, are you
00:09:01the shoe police now?
00:09:02I am, and you owe me 20 laps around the bar. Let's go.
00:09:05- Your black magic only works on the rookie.
00:09:07That's brown magic.
00:09:08- Pay up. - When do I get to do that?
00:09:11You'll get your chance, Rook. Shots?
00:09:13- Yeah. - That's a lot of booze.
00:09:16- Uh-huh. Uh-huh. - I'm impressed.
00:09:19Jesus!
00:09:21Sorry, boys, you're on duty.
00:09:24- On your tab, Officer Womack? - Rookie, pay the lady.
00:09:27Unit 23. Come in, 23.
00:09:29Unit 23. Come in, 23.
00:09:31Do you need me out there? Do you need my assistance?
00:09:34- Shut up, Farva. - I can be there--
00:09:36Listen, we got the Miata. We're okay.
00:09:38What about those dopers you picked up?
00:09:41Do you need my assistance?
00:09:48The snozberries taste like snozberries.
00:09:57- Oh, shit! - He killed the cops!
00:09:59- Oh, shit! - He killed the cops!
00:10:01- Get out of the car, man! - This is a cop car!
00:10:03- Hello. - You boys like Mexico?
00:10:07Yeeeee-hoooooo!
00:10:32One, two, three, do it!
00:10:36Oh, go, girlfriend. I'm your mother.
00:10:40Come on, Thorny. You're losing to the rookie.
00:10:41It's embarrassing.
00:10:42Come on, Rabbit. You can do it.
00:10:44Oh, Rabbit, he's killing you. I got Thorny in front by a lot.
00:10:48What's the matter, your mama didn't teach you how to chug?
00:10:50Come on, Thorn. Come on, Thorn.
00:10:54- Ohh! - Goddamn it.
00:10:56I am all that is man.
00:11:00- Every time. - Finish it up.
00:11:07See, there you have it. You're doing it all wrong.
00:11:10Open your throat, relax the jaw.
00:11:11Don't forget to cup the balls. You're never gonna win...
00:11:13with those thin little bird lips you got there.
00:11:16This guy's got these big old powerful lips.
00:11:18Am I correct, Thorn?
00:11:19So much of my authority is derived from the power right here.
00:11:22Hey, guys.
00:11:29Wow.
00:11:34- Uh, do you have any more syrup? - Sorry, Urs.
00:11:39Why couldn't they chug ketchup?
00:11:42It's a good thing you didn't order hash browns.
00:11:44I mean, if they had been chugging the ketchup.
00:11:49You get the score of that Red Sox game last night?
00:11:51- I turned it off just after-- - Ah, waiter. There you are.
00:11:55I will have the enchilada platter with two tacos and no guacamole.
00:11:59- Smy? - Yeah, Chief, I'll take a chinchilla.
00:12:03I don't get it. Tacos?
00:12:06They think I'm Mexican.
00:12:08You're not Mexican?
00:12:11Another highway cop? What, are you guys multiplying?
00:12:13Yeah, if they can figure which hole to stick it in.
00:12:17- Ah, what the fuck?
00:12:20- Hey, I saw that! - Sit down, Rando.
00:12:23That's it!
00:12:32Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! All right, all right!
00:12:34- Cut it out, you turkeys! - He fuckin' started it!
00:12:39I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in them...
00:12:43they get a little antsy in their pantsy.
00:12:45You just can't keep them under control.
00:12:47You should keep these dogs on a leash, John.
00:12:50Let's go.
00:12:54* A-number one top gun cadets *
00:12:57* In the name of justice John Q Public can trust us *
00:13:01* Hail to thee dear old Paroon *
00:13:04- Hail to thee! - Hail to thee!
00:13:06- Hail to thee! - Hey, all right!
00:13:09Hey, what's up, bone diddlies? Did I miss the song?
00:13:12Sing it again, rookie bitch.
00:13:15Farva.
00:13:17- Forgot the coffee. - My bad, Cap.
00:13:20All right, all right. Let's get started.
00:13:24I got the latest shit list, gentlemen.
00:13:26It's down to Flagstone, Deer Lick and us.
00:13:30And if we keep up these low numbers, you can bet your sweet butts...
00:13:33we're gonna get the big, ugly ax.
00:13:36- Who'll bust heads on the highway? - The goddamn local cops!
00:13:39And you better believe that Grady and his goons...
00:13:41have got a copy of this list, so we need to step it up.
00:13:44Who wants cream?
00:13:46Nobody? Okay, no cream.
00:13:50Foster, how many tickets did you issue last week?
00:13:54- Uh, I don't have my figures here in front of me.
00:13:58Three.
00:13:58- I can't make 'em speed. - Try hidin'.
00:14:02- And grow a goddamn moustache, why don't ya?
00:14:04I haven't shaved in two weeks.
00:14:05- I'm growin' mine. - Oh, you're growin' yours, are ya?
00:14:08- I'll tell you when it's time to grow a moustache.
00:14:11Coffee's served!
00:14:11Oh, no! That's Rabbit's. That's Rabbit's.
00:14:14- I get it. It's Rabbit's. - Oh, look, a bar of soap.
00:14:17Oh, shit! I got you good, you fucker!
00:14:20- Awesome prank, Farva. - Better than the crap you pull, Frank.
00:14:23- Look, fellas... - Bite it, Rook.
00:14:25Make him look like a dick.
00:14:27every Thursday night I walk into the Lodge to play Hearts...
00:14:31and they always have my Old-Fashioned just waiting there.
00:14:35- I like that. - Bite it. Bite--
00:14:37Oh, hell! Give me the goddamn soap!
00:14:42We got 50 miles of highway. That stretch of highway is ours.
00:14:45I'll be damned if I'll let Grady and those buttheads
00:14:48get their hands on it!
00:14:49Thorny, you're the ranking officer here.
00:14:51Let's do your jobs and keep this place open, huh?
00:14:55Let's do it. Farva!
00:14:56Your suspension continues. Hit the radio.
00:15:01Oh, yes.
00:15:04Oh. Oh, local Smokeys on our turf.
00:15:07- All right, hit it.
00:15:11See, that's what O'Hagan was talking about.
00:15:13Hi. You guys forget what color your car is?
00:15:18- Bye-bye. - Later, dude.
00:15:20- Bye-bye. - Later, dude.
00:15:21All right, how about 'Cat Game'?
00:15:23- Cat Game? What's, uh, what's the record?
00:15:25Thorny did six...
00:15:26- but I think you can do ten. - Ten?
00:15:29- Starting right meow?
00:15:35- Uh, sorry about that. - All right, meow...
00:15:37hand over your license and registration.
00:15:44- Your registration? Hurry up meow.
00:15:48Oh.
00:15:48Sorry.
00:15:50- There somethin' funny here, boy?
00:15:54No, no, no.
00:15:56Well, then, why you laughing, Mr. Larry Johnson?
00:16:02- All right meow, where were we? - Are you saying 'meow'?
00:16:06Am I saying 'meow'?
00:16:09- I-I-I thought-- - Don't think, boy.
00:16:11Meow, do you know how fast you were going?
00:16:15Meow, what is so damn funny?
00:16:17I could have sworn you said 'meow.'
00:16:19Do I look like a cat to you, boy?
00:16:23Am I jumping around all nimbly-bimbly from tree to tree?
00:16:26- No. No. - Am I drinkin' milk from a saucer?
00:16:28- No. - Do you see me eatin' mice?
00:16:32Now you stop laughin' right meow.
00:16:35Yes, sir.
00:16:37Meow, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket on this one.
00:16:40- But-- - No 'buts' meow. That's the law.
00:16:43It's not so funny meow, is it?
00:16:50Meow!
00:17:01Ooo-wee-ooh!
00:17:04Thanks for washing my car, Rook.
00:17:09- You know what this is? - A chamois cloth?
00:17:11Ha! Lucky guess. I just lost a buck...
00:17:16to myself.
00:17:23- Think that's funny, do you? - Yeah, I do.
00:17:26Also heard something funny about how you got suspended.
00:17:29Something about a school bus full of kids?
00:17:32Oh, you heard that, did ya? Let me tell you another
00:17:36funny story, New Jack.
00:17:37Back in '7 4...
00:17:39the great Charlie Rich was named Country Musician of the Year.
00:17:42Then in '75, he had to hand the award off to the new one.
00:17:45And you know who that was?
00:17:47Mr.'Sunshine on My Goddamn Shoulders,'
00:17:50John Denver.
00:17:51- Really? - Yeah. Can you believe it?
00:17:53- Wow! - Replaced by John Fuckin' Denver.
00:17:56- Amazing. - Yeah.
00:17:58Well, I'll be damaged if Mr. Rich didn't pull out
00:18:00his cigarette lighter...
00:18:01and light that award on fire in front of everyone.
00:18:05Do you get it?
00:18:08So you're saying you'll set my Country Music Award on fire?
00:18:12I'm saying when my suspension's up, you better watch your ass.
00:18:16Or you'll light my ass on fire?
00:18:26You wanna go? You wanna take one?
00:18:28Make your first move.
00:18:29Hey! I hate to break up the honky convention,
00:18:32but we got a 10-92.
00:18:33- You wanna take this one, Rod?
00:18:35Hell, yeah!
00:18:35I bet you do--Ohh!
00:18:41Nice wax job, Rook.
00:18:43- Thank you, sir. - You--
00:18:50What the hell is this? We got local pigs runnin' around?
00:18:53How'd the locals beat us here? We're, like, ten miles out.
00:18:56Look at this chump. Oh, Mr. Tough Guy here.
00:19:00Take a walk, buddy, take a walk.
00:19:02Holy shit! It's a cool Winnebago.
00:19:06- My Uncle Denny used to have one just like this.
00:19:09Rabbit, put your game face on.
00:19:11You got it, boss.
00:19:15- Hey, what the fuck? - Oh-oh!
00:19:17Oh, yes.
00:19:22- Oh, man! What happened here?
00:19:24Take a walk, sonny.
00:19:25- This investigation is already under control.
00:19:28Well, now it is.
00:19:29- Hey! - Don't touch
00:19:30the crime scene, rodent!
00:19:32Rabbit. Hey, look at that. Johnny Chimpo.
00:19:38- Quit slappin' me. - Would you stop touching
00:19:40my rookie, Grady?
00:19:41- Hey, I'll touch you.
00:19:47This is the Spurbury Police. Put your hands up
00:19:50and come outta there!
00:19:56Get the fuck out of here!
00:20:05- Glamor pet. No dice. Get your tape.
00:20:08Okay. Let's cruise.
00:20:12- Sounds like y'all have a hog problem.
00:20:14Oh, watch it, Mac.
00:20:15Mac, I'm serious. Be careful, Mac. He's angry.
00:20:17- He's angry? Well, hello. - Hey, mark it off.
00:20:22- Smy, you mark it off. - Back it up, Grady. I'm serious.
00:20:25What's the point? Didn't you guys get shut down already?
00:20:28Oh, yeah, that's next week.
00:20:35Your bust. You know there's a dead chick in there?
00:20:37Move it, Ramashit!
00:20:39- Take it up with O'Hagan! - Fight, fight, fight!
00:20:53Get off of me! Get off!.
00:21:04I'll give you the fat guy for Foster and, uh...
00:21:08how about that stupid guy for Rabbit?
00:21:10Well, you’re gonna have to be more specific.
00:21:13They're both kinda fat and stupid.
00:21:15Get these damn handcuffs off now, Ramathorn!
00:21:19- Cut him loose. - Go ahead, Smy.
00:21:22You want to tell me what bug crawled up your big ass, Grady?
00:21:25Yeah, I will tell you. This is our crime scene.
00:21:28We are takin' it.
00:21:30- It's highway. It's our jurisdiction.
00:21:32No. No.
00:21:33This highway is closed. This is our jurisdiction.
00:21:39Aw, fuck it. You deal with the hog.
00:21:50Hey, Chief.
00:21:52What in hell's gotten into you guys?
00:21:55I told you to be good. I told you this was a bad time.
00:21:58But you go ahead and get into a battle royale with the locals
00:22:02at a crime scene.
00:22:03- But they started that fight. - Of course they started the fight.
00:22:06Now they've taken a jurisdictional grievance against us.
00:22:09They want us to blow it.
00:22:12I mean, a murder on the highway...
00:22:16and you give them the investigation.
00:22:18Christ! We look like a bunch of pussies.
00:22:26All right, come on out, Rabbit.
00:22:31I guess I just go take a shower then, huh?
00:22:36Ow!
00:22:43Strike three! You're out of there!
00:22:46All right, good cut, Ruthie. Good cut. Come on.
00:22:48Next batter! Batter up! Next batter! Let's go.
00:22:52But, Thorn, if they do shut you down...
00:22:55maybe you could stick around here?
00:22:57I don't know, get a different job?
00:23:00You can always come work in my shop.
00:23:02Yeah, retired cop goes to work for his hippie girlfriend
00:23:06in her head shop. Too sitcom.
00:23:08Okay. You better pay attention, Coach. Our son's up.
00:23:12All right, Arlo. Watch the ball. Get a hit.
00:23:14You got it.
00:23:17- Let's do it. - All right, Arlo.
00:23:29Whoa!
00:23:32- Hey, you gotta keep on your toes. - Do somethin' about that, ref.
00:23:36Sorry-ass local cops.
00:23:38You think you have a nice relationship with someone...
00:23:40based on professional courtesy and mutual boredom.
00:23:43The next thing you know, they're trying to take you out.
00:23:46What? What?
00:23:48I don't wanna get transferred.
00:23:50- Have to go be a rookie again with a bunch of random dudes.
00:23:53Don't worry about it.
00:23:54If it happens, we'll, uh, we'll all just stay here,
00:23:58open up a roller disco.
00:24:00Throw him the heat. Bring it on.
00:24:03Uh, anybody want a corn dog?
00:24:07See if they got any chocolate bananas. Foster?
00:24:12Ohh!
00:24:19Hey, Charlie's Angel.
00:24:21Hey, congratulations. You're the one millionth
00:24:24person to say that to me.
00:24:26- Oh. What do I win? - Ooh. Um...
00:24:30Ahh. There you go.
00:24:32Hope I don't get brain freeze.
00:24:34I'm not sure you've got the required equipment.
00:24:37So, listen, I, um, had a really good time at that Winnebago fight.
00:24:41Maybe, uh, I don't know, we could do it again sometime.
00:24:45All right, all right. Fair is fair.
00:24:48You can slug me back if you want to.
00:24:50- Really? Okay. - Yeah.
00:24:53Hold my snow cone.
00:24:58- Okay. - Heads up!
00:25:00- Hey, what happened over there?
00:25:04What? Wh--Why?
00:25:09How about a little pep, hmm?
00:25:18From those guys over there.
00:25:22Assholes.
00:25:24You want to move that, buddy. Now!
00:25:27- So, about my field time. - Yeah, yeah. I've been
00:25:29thinkin' a lot about that.
00:25:31I think I might be able to talk to Grady for you.
00:25:33- Pink stick, eat it or lose it. - Hey, shut your pie hole, buddy.
00:25:38I mean, because I'm ready to go out on patrol.
00:25:40I'm goin' nuts being on the radio all the time.
00:25:43I'd like to get some field work.
00:25:44Yeah? Why don't you take your radio and go stand in a field.
00:25:48Move that gigantic cotton candy!
00:25:52Goddamn it! How's the view from sugar heaven, bitch?
00:26:03Hi. I'm looking for Chief Grady. I have some files for him.
00:26:06Grady's not here. I'll take the file.
00:26:09- It's kind of important. How about Officer Rando?
00:26:13Nope.
00:26:14What do you need? I'm the only one here?
00:26:16There are no male officers around?
00:26:19Just give me the file.
00:26:22What's this?
00:26:25So you originally from Vermont or, uh, or what?
00:26:32You know, you've got a lot of courage,
00:26:34walkin' into the lion's den.
00:26:36- Oh, I got brass buns. - Mm. You should join the band.
00:26:41What are your cells, eight by eight?
00:26:44Ours are nine by nine. No big deal.
00:26:47Listen, you seem like a really nice guy,
00:26:50but I just don't date cops.
00:26:53I'm not much of a cop, really. More like a civilian
00:26:56trapped in a cop's body.
00:26:57Oh. Well, I hear you can get an operation for that.
00:27:00But then, I guess you'd miss out on all those wacky things
00:27:03you highway guys do.
00:27:04Yeah, those stories about us are mostly lies, really.
00:27:07Except for the one about how we pulled over AC/DC's bus...
00:27:10and then they flew us down to Jamaica to party with them;
00:27:13that one's true.
00:27:13But, yeah, other than that, it's pretty boring out there.
00:27:17Yeah, well, I wouldn't know.
00:27:22All right, it's probably time for you to get out of here.
00:27:25- I don't want to get fired too. - Oh, I'm not getting fired.
00:27:28I'm gettin' shut down. That's a big difference.
00:27:33- In our cells, the door is over here.
00:27:37Right.
00:27:40A couple of hyenas.
00:27:42Well, you know, they are speeding.
00:27:46- Come in, Radio. - Don't call me Radio, Unit 91.
00:27:50Then don't call me Unit 91, Radio.
00:27:53- Are you done? - Yeah, okay, Radio.
00:27:56We got a suspicious vehicle. White Caprice, Vermont plates.
00:27:59Tijuana-Gringo-Water-Fiver-Zero.
00:28:02- Roger. Checking. - Thank you, Radio.
00:28:08Unit 91, that license plate belongs to a local Spurbury police vehicle.
00:28:13It does? Oh, my God!
00:28:16- Very funny, 91. - Thank you, Radio.
00:28:23Whoa! Looks like that truck's planning on
00:28:25skipping the weigh-in.
00:28:26Yeah, well, you don't weigh in, you don't wrestle.
00:28:29Whoa! What's this jack-off doin;
00:28:31trying to pull him over?
00:28:32There's no fuckin' way that is happenin'.
00:28:36What the hell's he doin'? - I got somethin'.
00:28:41Yeah. That's right, doofus. Move it along.
00:28:47You, uh, wanna do 'Repeat'?
00:28:51Do you wanna do 'Repeat'?
00:28:53No. I've been thinking a lot about what the captain said.
00:28:57- I'd like to play it straight this time, okay?
00:29:00Okay.
00:29:00- For O'Hagan. - For O'Hagan.
00:29:06Good morning.
00:29:08Would you mind stepping down from there with
00:29:09your license and registration?
00:29:10- Sure. I was just-- - Good morning.
00:29:13Would you mind stepping down from there with
00:29:15your license and registration?
00:29:16- Yeah. No problem. - Excuse me one second.
00:29:21No.
00:29:22Excuse me one second. No.
00:29:25Did, uh, I do something wrong, officers...
00:29:28because I know I wasn't speeding.
00:29:34- Why didn't you weigh in? - Yeah, why didn't you weigh in?
00:29:37Did I miss that weigh station?
00:29:39They got me runnin' so many miles...
00:29:41I just must have dazed out and well--
00:29:43I'll pull into the next one and get weighed, okay?
00:29:45What are you pulling back there?
00:29:47Well, uh, mostly just soap, I think.
00:29:50Why don't we take a look?
00:29:52Listen, Officers, I'm on a really tight schedule. I really need to--
00:29:54Let's go, Mr. Galikanokus.
00:29:57Well, you heard him. Let's go, Mr...
00:30:01Mr. Galonukum.
00:30:10Hop on up.
00:30:12Okay-silly-dilly-dokey-o. I'm an idiot.
00:30:15Yeah, that's true.
00:30:18Sorry about the light there.
00:30:20I have a flashlight in the cab.
00:30:23- Hey! Mr. Galikanokus! - Whoa!
00:30:26Mr. Galikanokus!
00:30:29- We should have seen that comin'. - We should have seen that comin'.
00:30:32- It is time to stop now, Mac. - It is...
00:30:36time to stop now, Mac?
00:30:41And that was the second time I got crabs.
00:30:44- Awesome. - Afternoon.
00:30:46- Hey. - Hey.
00:30:52It stinks like sex in here.
00:30:54What happened?
00:30:57We got a little distracted by somebody doin' the 'Repeater.'
00:31:00- Huh. That'll happen. - That will happen.
00:31:03Well, you did it this time.
00:31:05- Fishin' your car out of Lake Leblanc right now.
00:31:08Oh, man.
00:31:09Nah, we just parked it across the street.
00:31:13All right, listen. Next time this kind of thing happens...
00:31:16I want you to stop, take a deep breath...
00:31:18- and pull your heads out of each other's asses, would ya?
00:31:21Language.
00:31:21It's easy for you to say. He's got a tiny little head.
00:31:24Yeah. What's this guy movin'?
00:31:25Yeah. What's this guy movin'?
00:31:27Soap, I think.
00:31:39Reefer.
00:31:43Whoo-hoo! That's one stinky pyramid.
00:31:45We should've built a stinky igloo and climb in.
00:31:49- That's a lot of pot. - Thinkin' back to your tour days
00:31:52with the Dead, Rabbit?
00:31:53- Better lock this shit up, huh, buddy? - What are you talkin' about?
00:31:58Enhance.
00:32:00Enhance. Enhance.
00:32:05Just print the damn thing!
00:32:07All right, what do we know about this Galikanokus guy?
00:32:11It's a fake name, fake license.
00:32:13- Bunty Soap? - Fake soap company.
00:32:16- What, plastic fake? Decorative fake? What?
00:32:18No, like they don't exist.
00:32:20So, we got 150 kilos of marijuana and no arrests.
00:32:23We got nothin'.
00:32:23I got a theory, Cap.
00:32:25These, uh, bales of pot, they have that red Johnny Chimpo
00:32:29sticker on them.
00:32:30And that dead woman in the Winnebago had the same
00:32:32logo tattooed on her back.
00:32:33See, a lot of drug dealers use stickers to mark their
00:32:37products. Like a brand name.
00:32:38See! Where'd you learn that, Cheech? Drug school?
00:32:42Shut up, Farva.
00:32:45Did that bag you pulled off those college kids have that sticker?
00:32:47Um...
00:32:50I don't believe it did.
00:32:53- Was there any marijuana on that Winnebago?
00:32:56Nope.
00:32:56A monkey tattoo. Sounds kinda flimsy.
00:33:01What's the significance of this John Chimpo fella?
00:33:06Uh, well, you know those really cheap Japanese cartoons?
00:33:11No? This is basically a cheaper Afghani knockoff.
00:33:16It's this monkey that basically travels around the world...
00:33:19uh, doing nasty things.
00:33:21His butler tries to keep him in line, but, uh--
00:33:23No.
00:33:23It's really funny, Cap. It's Afghanistanimation.
00:33:27The monkey has a butler? Great.
00:33:30- Is that what they do in Arabia, Thorny?
00:33:32How the hell should I know?
00:33:33All right. Somebody get me a VTR copy of this thing.
00:33:38I'll talk to Grady, see if he'll let us take a look at the Winnebago.
00:33:41All right. You ready for the photo shoot?
00:33:44Okay, fellas, let's take it.
00:33:47- Pull down your pants. - Shut up, Farva, you idiot.
00:33:51Come on, do it.
00:33:52- John. I'm not interrupting, am I?
00:33:54Mad Timber!
00:33:55- No. Come in, come in. - Good work, gentlemen,
00:33:58all the way around.
00:34:00- Could I get in on that? - Sure. Why not?
00:34:04- Excuse me. Good work. Good work, Officer.
00:34:06Hey.
00:34:06You're gonna have a hard time shutting us down now,
00:34:08right, Mr. Mayor?
00:34:09We got a murder one day, a drug bust the next.
00:34:12I'm thinkin' we need as much police as we can get.
00:34:15- That'd be a good slogan, wouldn't it? - Mm-hmm.
00:34:17Tell that to the budget committee.
00:34:19I just got off the phone with Governor Jessman...
00:34:22and she's gonna be swinging through here
00:34:23on her way to Burlington.
00:34:25Give me a gun, huh, to hold for the pictures.
00:34:28- Rabbit, run. Gun. - And, John...
00:34:32as far as this brawling with the local police is concerned--
00:34:34It won't happen again, Bill. I'm onto it.
00:34:37Good.
00:34:39'Cause when the governor shows up, I'm gonna throw her
00:34:42a little party.
00:34:45We're gonna let her know just how this community feels
00:34:49about its law enforcement.
00:34:51Spread it on!
00:34:56Come on, Dad! Faster! Faster!
00:34:58- So what's the deal with you and Bobbi?
00:35:00Come on, Dad!
00:35:01You guys are goin' out, but you, um, sleep with other people?
00:35:05Well, I mean, yeah. Not really. Kind of.
00:35:09It's sort of a long story, all right?
00:35:12Well--Hey, Arlo, does Mom ever have any friends over?
00:35:17- Any older boys? - Can't we turn the siren on?
00:35:20In a minute, all right? Are you listening?
00:35:22- Does she have anyone over that maybe you call uncle?
00:35:25Like Uncle Fred?
00:35:26Uncle Fred? Who's Uncle Fred?
00:35:28He's this crazy bird on TV.
00:35:32- He's crazy. He flies around like a pigeon.
00:35:34Oh, right.
00:35:35Uncle Freddy, he's great. He's a crazy bird.
00:35:37Okay.
00:35:39We got one.
00:35:42You wanna take this one, kid?
00:35:44- What about you? - I gotta stay with little 'A.'
00:35:48- You're okay, right? - Sure.
00:35:50- Go on. Make mama proud. - All right.
00:35:53Yeah, Farva, I got a Porsche, brown, Washington plates--
00:35:58- Eight-Donna-Peanut-Eunuch. - Roger. Checking.
00:36:07- Kill it.
00:36:12Can I please see your license and registra--
00:36:15I'm sorry, Officer, for the speeding violation.
00:36:19I am so used to driving on the Autobahn.
00:36:22Uh--What?
00:36:25...Sean Cassidy.
00:36:27Yummy, yummy.
00:36:33- Nicht?
00:36:36- Do you know why I pulled you over?
00:36:39We were driving way too fast.
00:36:41- Ja. - Ja.
00:36:43Officer, this is a major problem...
00:36:45because I cannot afford another ticket with mein Porsche.
00:36:48Is there maybe something I can do for you, hmm?
00:36:52Or maybe my wife...
00:36:53could do for you to avoid this dilemma?
00:36:56Is there maybe something you would like me to do to you?
00:37:01Or maybe something you would like to do to me? Hmm?
00:37:05Uh, 'cause you were doing 90 in a 65.
00:37:09Perhaps some spanking or cuffing is in order.
00:37:13Could you hold on a minute? Just a minute. I'll be right back.
00:37:38- Twenty-three, that Porsche is hot. - Are you sure?
00:37:52Rabbit?
00:37:54- Please, Thorn, not now. No. - He can join too, if you like?
00:37:57- Get over here. - Tickle, tickle.
00:38:00- Ja. - Hold on a second.
00:38:02Just one second, huh?
00:38:06- What? - Farva said that car is stolen.
00:38:09What? Stolen?
00:38:11- Shit! - Is there a problem, officers?
00:38:14Hold on! Come on, Thorn, I need this.
00:38:18Look, kid, any other day, I'd step in here
00:38:20and show you how to swing.
00:38:21But the car's stolen.
00:38:23Goddamn it!
00:38:26You got to get over there and you got to cuff her.
00:38:28- Do it! You're a highway patrolman.
00:38:31Cut it out! Do it.
00:38:34- Now turn that off and step out of the car, sir.
00:38:37- This is no problem, hmm? - Put your hands on the car
00:38:41and spread 'em.
00:38:42- Ah, now some fun for both of us. - Get back in the car!
00:38:44Rabbit, get over there and cuff her.
00:38:48- Up against the car. - Ma'am, I hate to do this
00:38:51to you, but would you--
00:38:52- would you please put your hands behind your back?
00:38:54Now things are getting kinky.
00:38:56Arlo!
00:38:58I love your-- - I'm on the radio.
00:39:00Come in, Farva.
00:39:01Arlo! Rabbit! Let's go!
00:39:07Climb up on Uncle Rabbit's lap, Arlo, okay?
00:39:09- I don't think that's such a good idea, Thorn.
00:39:11Uh, right.
00:39:12Okay, why don't you just sit in the middle, buddy?
00:39:20Ursula, what the fuck? There's no T.P. in the bathroom.
00:39:22- What about the piece stuck to your shoe?
00:39:25What about that piece?
00:39:27Shit!
00:39:29You know, you might get ahead around here
00:39:31if you made the extra effort.
00:39:33- Do you want me to wipe your ass?
00:39:35That's not what I--
00:39:37Well, around my house, my wife knows to refill the T.P.
00:39:41- I'm not your wife, Smy. - No. And if you were, I'd take
00:39:45you down a peg or two.
00:39:46Ooh.
00:39:49Hi, douche bag.
00:39:53- You know, if you were my wife...
00:39:56I'd massage your feet every night until you fell asleep.
00:39:59Nice try.
00:40:01He strangles her and puts her face in pig food?
00:40:04What an asshole. Got any I.D. on the corpse?
00:40:08Yeah.'Jane Doe.' Do you know her?
00:40:11Oh, we're working on it.
00:40:15It's called routine police work.
00:40:17Apparently, she had a cartoon monkey
00:40:19tattooed on her back.
00:40:20John Chimpo, I'm told.
00:40:28And those cannabis bags in our truck...
00:40:30those stickers had the same monkey logo.
00:40:32So we think there might be some kind of connection.
00:40:35Are you suggesting that a cartoon monkey is
00:40:38bringing drugs into our town?
00:40:40- Look, I know we don't like each other.
00:40:43I like you.
00:40:44Come on! I'm looking for a little cooperation here.
00:40:47John Chimpo.
00:40:50Hanson, could you round up, uh, Johnny Chimpo...
00:40:54and, uh, Jerry Giraffe and Arty the Alligator
00:40:57and bring them in for a lineup.
00:40:59- Thanks, sweetie. - Sounds like they're having fun.
00:41:04That's what happens when you start hanging out
00:41:05with a state trooper.
00:41:06We show you the funny.
00:41:09Well, where were we?
00:41:11Uh, you were laying your best rap on me
00:41:14and I was resisting.
00:41:15- But you were starting to think about it.
00:41:17- I told you. I don't touch highway hog.
00:41:20Baby, I'm Sizzle Lean.
00:41:21I scratched your back, Bruce. I scratched it good and hard.
00:41:24Now, either you scratch my back or you're gonna get my size ten
00:41:28boot up your ass!
00:41:29Desperation is a stinky cologne, John.
00:41:33Let's see. You are an expendable line item on a state spending bill.
00:41:39You have a station full of crappy cops.
00:41:41I am about this far away from having a bigger budget.
00:41:45And now, you come in here talking about...
00:41:50monkey tattoos on some drunk lady's tit like it's
00:41:53a goddamn drug conspiracy.
00:41:57Keep your bags packed, John. Let us handle the real
00:42:01police work, huh?
00:42:02Uh, John, when you do get shut down, you come back,
00:42:05talk to me.
00:42:06I can always use a good meter maid.
00:42:20Let it roll.
00:43:09Come and get me, Mac.
00:43:47- See you later, sucker! - Ohh! Ohh! Fuck!
00:43:53Can't catch the Rabbit.
00:44:07- Damn it! - Out of the car!
00:44:09Out of the car, scumbag!
00:44:12Well, hello, Shirley.
00:44:14- Come on, Farva, man. Same team. Same team.
00:44:18What's Thorny going to say, Rook?
00:44:20Honestly, Bobbi. I think it's gonna happen.
00:44:22We don't want to leave. We really like this town.
00:44:25I'll probably just get sent down to Brattleboro.
00:44:28It's a nice town.
00:44:29I don't think it's a healthy time for him to move.
00:44:32He's got a lot of real good friends here.
00:44:34Who? That creepy kid with the lisp?
00:44:37Hey. Stop jumping on the bed.
00:44:40Look, I don't want to go without you.
00:44:43- Then you should stay here. - But I can't if they transfer me.
00:44:47Hey, stop jumping on the bed.
00:44:50Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.
00:44:53Hey, honey, it's almost Mitternacht, huh?
00:44:56Uhh. We really should be getting back to the jail.
00:45:00- You don't want us turning into pumpkins.
00:45:06Thorn, can't they just stay a little longer?
00:45:09All right. Who wants a mustache ride?
00:45:13- I want one. I want one! - I do! I do! I do!
00:45:21- Spurbury Police. - Oh, thank the Lord.
00:45:23Thank the Lord. It's terrible.
00:45:24Oh, there's a disgusting pervert flashing people.
00:45:27Ma'am, I need you to calm down.
00:45:29I can't calm down! You calm down! Oh, my God!
00:45:31- Ma'am, tell me your location. - He's right in front of the building...
00:45:35on 323, uh, Karuna Street.
00:45:39- That's this address, ma'am. - Oh, well, then,
00:45:41maybe you can see him.
00:45:42He's right in front of the building. Go look. I'll hold.
00:45:46Whoo-aaah!
00:45:49Did you see him? Oh, he's disgusting.
00:45:51- He certainly is, ma'am. - Oh, I think he's going
00:45:55to the window again.
00:45:56Whoo-ooo-ooo!
00:45:59Oh, the humanity! He's so bulgy. He's like a moose.
00:46:04Oh, no! I think he's going back again.
00:46:09Freeze, motherfucker!
00:46:11Oh, God! Please don't shoot me. I-I'm naked.
00:46:15Drop your coat and grab your toes.
00:46:18- What? - I'm gonna show you
00:46:20where the wild goose goes.
00:46:22Oh, this isn't happening. I-I-I'm a police officer. Ursula, help!
00:46:26Baby, I'm gonna butter your bread.
00:46:34You don't have these at your station?
00:46:39I don't suppose you got a pair of fresh
00:46:41underwear I could borrow?
00:46:43I'm not sure you could fit into my panties.
00:46:52You know, you can't tell anybody about this.
00:46:55- I already told my mom about you.
00:47:12- Shit! - Baby, you rocked me.
00:47:23Wow! What is this?
00:47:29- Rabbit, you're off the road! Shut up, Farva!
00:47:30It's a good move, Cap.
00:47:31Rabbit, you're on radio. Farva, you're ridin' with Thorny.
00:47:34- Wait a minute-- - What do you want me
00:47:36to do about it?
00:47:37My hands are tied! It's all over the police band!
00:47:39Rabbit, you couldn't have picked a worst time!
00:47:41I got a Q-17 request form today.
00:47:44We have to inventory our equipment.
00:47:47Which means our balls are this close to the band saw.
00:47:52What are you sellin', Mac, hot dogs?
00:47:55- There's a new billboard. - Casino le Fantastique?
00:47:58Let me guess.
00:48:00You just humped the mayor's wife and burnt down City Hall.
00:48:03I'll do you one better, Captain.
00:48:06So I'm walkin' down by the local police station,
00:48:09minding my own business.
00:48:10But there's something funny in the air.
00:48:13I feel like I just gotta get into that Winnebago.
00:48:16- So after I jimmy the door, I do a quick recon.
00:48:19Bullshit.
00:48:19I can see there's something not right about that bed.
00:48:23- So I busted it in. - Bullshit.
00:48:25And just sittin' there were ten huge duffel bags
00:48:28of these mothers.
00:48:29Let me get this straight. You went into the impound,
00:48:33scaled the fence...
00:48:34broke into the Winnebago and smashed the bed,
00:48:38all on a hunch?
00:48:39I'll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like
00:48:42rainbow sherbet.
00:48:43What? Do you think I just grew this weed?
00:48:46How could you know to look underneath the bed?
00:48:49It must have been my sixth-- or even my seventh sense.
00:48:53You know, Rabbit, a good cop doesn't really
00:48:54know why he does anything.
00:48:56- Disregard that, Rabbit. - And you didn't even think
00:48:59to call in your partner?
00:49:00So these local mothers have got a hundred keys
00:49:03of chiba and don't know it?
00:49:04Not a clue. It's totally hidden.
00:49:07And Grady's walkin' around like he's hot soup.
00:49:10All right, we got a chance here.
00:49:12But we got to beat these guys to the punch.
00:49:14Mac, you and Foster check out the truck stops...
00:49:17and find out what you can about Galikanokus and Bunty Soap.
00:49:20I'll talk to Grady and play a little hardball.
00:49:23Thorny, I'm takin' a hard line.
00:49:25You got to promise me no more bullshit.
00:49:27Cap, you know I'm cool, but I can take no responsibility
00:49:30for these white devils.
00:49:31Well, you're gonna have to.
00:49:33Now, Rodney, we're under a lot of pressure here.
00:49:38Remember what we talked about. If anything happens...
00:49:40count to ten, take some deep breaths.
00:49:43Ten deep breaths. I got it, Cap.
00:49:45Foster, you’re on duty.
00:49:49Trust me, skipper, we'll make you proud.
00:49:53You are awesome.
00:49:57- You are incredible. You are a fantastic cop.
00:50:01Keep goin'.
00:50:02Uh, and then somebody said, I think it was O'Hagan, said, um...
00:50:05- 'Foster, you deserve a promotion.'
00:50:08Hmm. I think you get a star.
00:50:13Mm. Foster? Wait. I don't know if this is gonna work.
00:50:18- This steering wheel is jabbing my ass.
00:50:21Oh, right.
00:50:35Ow! Okay.
00:50:37In New York City, a guy could pay ten bucks to watch
00:50:39two cops have sex in a cage.
00:50:41Yeah?
00:50:45Oh.
00:50:47- Foster? - Yeah?
00:50:50In our cruisers, somebody has to let you out
00:50:53of the back seat.
00:50:56Oh, fuck it!
00:51:04Do we look like the two dumbest guys
00:51:06in the world to you?
00:51:07Is that why you choose to treat us
00:51:09with such disrespect?
00:51:10Look, all I'm sayin', man, is switch partners. It'll be fun.
00:51:13- I don't think so. - Come on, mix it up a bit.
00:51:17Mm, no fuckin' way.
00:51:19Come on, Mac, you know you're always sayin'
00:51:21how funny Foster smells.
00:51:23- Oh, look out for Thorny, master of psychology.
00:51:26Do I really smell?
00:51:28All right, assholes, quit talkin' about me.
00:51:32Lock and load, Ramathorn. Let's kick some tail.
00:51:34- We weren't talkin' about you, you big idiot.
00:51:37Bullshit.
00:51:38- Truck stop, huh? - We gotta do it.
00:51:41But the captain didn't say anything
00:51:42about going undercover.
00:51:43Do you think they're gonna tell us anything
00:51:45if they know we're cops?
00:51:46Get a job, man! Look, you're fuckin' super cop.
00:51:49You should know this.
00:51:50- I am super. - Plus, we can't take our car...
00:51:53until they replace the door you, for no reason whatsoever,
00:51:56removed last night.
00:51:57I told you it was those kids with the wrenches.
00:52:00Ah, yes, those ballsy little punks who took your car door off...
00:52:03while you were sittin' in the damn thing.
00:52:05I told you I was in a very deep sleep.
00:52:07Yeah. You wanna tell that to O'Hagan? Maybe
00:52:10we can borrow his car today.
00:52:15Do you even know how to drive this thing?
00:52:36Shit! This rig sucks!
00:52:38Aha!
00:52:48Uh, who knew it was a stick?
00:53:02How about we, uh, pop a couple of Viagra...
00:53:05and issue tickets with raging, mega-huge boners?
00:53:09Only you, Farva, can make a dark man blush.
00:53:14- And, no, we're not doin' it. - Ah, hell.
00:53:17- Hey, I came up with a great name for our car.
00:53:20Oh, yeah?
00:53:21Get this. You're Arcot Ramathorn--Ram--
00:53:25and I'm Rod Farva--Rod; car Ramrod.
00:53:30Car Ramrod. You get it?
00:53:32Yeah, I got it.
00:53:36- Rabbit, I got a Plymouth Voyager...
00:53:37Say 'Car Ramrod.'
00:53:38- Say 'Car Ramrod.' - Vermont plates--Hold on.
00:53:41Vermont plates--Alpha...
00:53:43God-Mustard- One-Niner-Decade-China.
00:53:47- Check it. Roger, 23.
00:53:49- You didn't say it. I wrote it on the paper.
00:53:52Oh, I forgot.
00:53:53- Oh, yeah. - Come on, Ramathorn,
00:53:55what game are we playin'?
00:53:56- What? No games. - Don't bullshit me.
00:53:59Let's play one of those games I keep hearin' about.
00:54:01You know, Mac and Foster...
00:54:03did that thing, you know, with the 'who can say
00:54:05pussy the most.'
00:54:06You know, actually, Mac bet Foster he couldn't
00:54:09say 'meow' ten times.
00:54:12To the driver.
00:54:16- I realize that doesn't sound funny as I described--
00:54:18Who can say 'meow' the most?
00:54:19You guys are real crazy.
00:54:22Hey, look out for these guys!
00:54:25Hell, I can say 'meow.' I can say 'moo.'
00:54:29For 20 bucks, I'll call the guy a chicken-fucker.
00:54:33Easy, Rod. Easy, Rod. Easy, Rod. Easy, Rod.
00:54:38License and registration... chicken-fucker! Brawwk!
00:54:46- Bruce? John O'Hagan. - John!
00:54:48I'm glad you called. Listen. I have Bobby the Baboon in lockup...
00:54:52and he says that for twenty bananas he'll
00:54:54provide evidence...
00:54:55Johnny Chimpo is the pimp in charge of the Cartoon
00:54:59Network whorehouse.
00:55:00Look, I'm done dickin' around. We got new evidence
00:55:02on your murder.
00:55:03Who? Galikanokus? You know where he is?
00:55:06- No, we don't know where he is, but--
00:55:09Then I don't see how you can possibly help us, then.
00:55:11Okay. This is my last offer.
00:55:14Either you let us in on this investigation...
00:55:16or I'm gonna embarrass you personally.
00:55:19Oh, how embarrassed?
00:55:21Like, naked in a dream embarrassed?
00:55:23No, no. Embarrassed like back in '77, when you got caught
00:55:27fuckin' your cousin embarrassed.
00:55:29She's not my cousin.
00:55:38Welcome to Dimpus. Can I take your order?
00:55:40Give me a, uh, double bacon cheeseburger.
00:55:43Double baco cheeseburger. It's for a cop.
00:55:47Roger. - What the hell's that all about?
00:55:49- He gonna spit in it now? - No, I was just tellin' him
00:55:52that so he makes it good.
00:55:54Don't spit in that cop's burger.
00:55:57- Yeah. Thanks. - Roger. Hold the spit.
00:56:00Give me a, uh, pie. Apple.
00:56:03Do you want me to hold the spit?
00:56:05Just kidding, Officer...Farva.
00:56:07So, do you want to 'Dimpisize' your meal
00:56:10for a quarter more?
00:56:11Want me to 'punchisize' your face for free?
00:56:13Some male figure? I'm his dad. And stop with
00:56:16the whole transfer thing.
00:56:17Oh, Christ.
00:56:19You know what? I gotta go. Let's talk
00:56:21about this later, okay?
00:56:22- Okay. Bye.
00:56:25- Now don't give me any lip. - It's just a quarter, and
00:56:28look how much more you get.
00:56:29- I said no! - It's just 25 cents.
00:56:32- Hey, listen, guy. He doesn't want it.
00:56:34I can handle this, Ramathorn.
00:56:36- I don't want it! - Right. Uh, beverage?
00:56:40Gimme a, uh, liter of cola.
00:56:43- A what? - A liter of cola!
00:56:47'Leederacola.' Do we make leederacola?
00:56:50Will you just order a large, Farva?
00:56:52I don't want a large Farva. I want a goddamn liter of cola!
00:56:55- I don't know what that is! - Liter is French...
00:56:58for'give me some fuckin' cola before I break
00:57:01both fuckin' lips.'
00:57:02All right, all right. Relax!
00:57:07- That look like spit to you? - Yeah.
00:57:09- That look like spit to you? - Yeah.
00:57:11Ah, fuck it.
00:57:14Mm. I feel like a real cop again.
00:57:17Well, I wouldn't get used to it, 'cause you know
00:57:20it's not gonna last.
00:57:21- Bullshit. I'm not goin' anywhere.
00:57:23All right, buddy.
00:57:25We're about to get shut down anyway.
00:57:27Oh, yeah? That's a lot of'Dimp.'
00:57:30- What do you do if you get transferred?
00:57:33I don't know.
00:57:33Bobbi doesn't want to leave, and...
00:57:35I don't want to leave her and Arlo, so--
00:57:37Yeah, I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do.
00:57:39Who gives a shit? I'm about to win ten million
00:57:41bucks anyway, right?
00:57:42Are ya? What are you going to do with that ten million bucks?
00:57:44And you can't say, 'Buy the Cleveland Cavaliers.'
00:57:47- I'd buy a ten-million-dollar car.
00:57:49Ah, good investment.
00:57:50- But I'd pull you over. - Bullshit. You could never catch me.
00:57:53- Oh, I could never catch you? - If you did, I'd activate my
00:57:56car's wings, and fly away.
00:57:58I got a good feelin' about this.
00:58:02Damn it, you burger punk!
00:58:05You son of a bitch!
00:58:08- Aah!
00:58:23Yeah, Burger Boy!
00:58:30All right, all right, all right.
00:58:32Cut it out, you guys. Knock it off.
00:58:35Clear out of here. All of you.
00:58:46I'm sorry about the delousing, Rod.
00:58:49Standard procedure.
00:58:52- It's powdered sugar. - The lice hate the sugar.
00:58:56- Listen, Rod-- - It's delicious.
00:58:59Uh, good. Good.
00:59:02Say, Rod, what are your plans after the shutdown?
00:59:06We're not gettin' shut down, Grady. We're drug busters.
00:59:09Maybe they're drug busters, but you're dispatch.
00:59:13- Nuh-uh. I'm back on the road, now.
00:59:15Until this little incident.
00:59:17Listen, Rod.
00:59:20This whole murder thing, we've been tryin' real hard
00:59:23to break it open...
00:59:25but O'Hagan just will not cooperate with the evidence.
00:59:29Now I've spoken to the governor myself.
00:59:31She is gonna shut your station down, son.
00:59:33It's gonna happen.
00:59:34Now, I'm gonna have a bigger budget then,
00:59:36and I could really use...
00:59:38a good local officer like yourself.
00:59:42- Could I go now? - You could have your own car.
00:59:45Work on exciting cases. Hey, we could even chase
00:59:48drug dealers together.
00:59:49Now, the thing is, Rod...
00:59:52I really need to know about your side of the investigation.
00:59:55O'Hagan's making all kinds of threats, and--
01:00:00Can we make a deal?
01:00:04I'm all highway.
01:00:15Let him loose.
01:00:20Sorry about that, bro.
01:00:33Hey, Charlie's Angel.
01:00:47- What's up? - Guys.
01:00:49Hey.
01:00:52Well, we got about, uh, twenty desk lamps.
01:00:54- Farva went schizoid. - That's good.
01:00:58- How did the undercover thing go?
01:01:00Well, not so good.
01:01:01- Turns out, this guy can't drive a semi.
01:01:04Yeah.
01:01:05You guys watch that Johnny Chimpo thing?
01:01:07- Funny, but nothin' there. - Mm. Maybe you missed something.
01:01:11Mm, trust me, bro. There's nothing there.
01:01:15Maybe we should take another look.
01:01:50- That's it, you're off the road. Never again.
01:01:53Sir, no.
01:01:53- It was not my fault. - Neither was the goddamn
01:01:55school bus.
01:01:56You know, there was a time we'd take a guy like you
01:01:58out back and beat you.
01:01:59- Now you got your goddamn unions.
01:02:01I'm not a pro-union guy.
01:02:02- And you're banned from Dimpus Burger.
01:02:06Damn it!
01:02:07Get some rubber gloves. From now on,
01:02:09you're my cleaning lady.
01:02:11Beat it!
01:02:14Well, the butler is basically saying to Johannes Chimpo...
01:02:18'Don't let the Great Satan tempt you with the Western culture.
01:02:21You must remain true to the Taliban warlord.'
01:02:25- Cool beans.
01:02:34So, um, Galikanokus is not the butler?
01:02:37Well, possibly. But this is, uh, quite brilliant, really.
01:02:42And so, Captain, you think there might be some connection
01:02:45with the smugglers?
01:02:46Rabbit, get this meatball out of here.
01:02:49You got it, Captain. Come on, meatball.
01:02:51We should probably do that.
01:02:54Back in the cage with your beautiful wife, huh?
01:02:59- What did you find out at the weigh station?
01:03:02My cruiser weighs 16,000 kg.
01:03:06I just got off the phone with Tom McCardle from
01:03:08the budget committee.
01:03:09- This thing with Farva screwed our pooch.
01:03:11What?
01:03:11They can't lump us in with that fuckin' Martian.
01:03:14- We're all in the same boat. - But our shenanigans are
01:03:17cheeky and fun.
01:03:18Yeah. His shenanigans are cruel and tragic.
01:03:21- Which makes them not shenanigans at all, really.
01:03:25Evil shenanigans.
01:03:26I swear to God I'll pistol-whip the next guy
01:03:29that says, 'shenanigans.'
01:03:30Hey, Farva!
01:03:33What's the name of that restaurant you like, with
01:03:35all the goofy shit on the walls...
01:03:37- and the mozzarella sticks? - You mean Shenanigans?
01:03:40- No! Oh! - You're talking about
01:03:42Shenanigans, right?
01:03:43Put those away!
01:03:49- Hey, Rabbit. - Yeah, I know.'You got
01:03:52beautiful, big brown lips.'
01:03:55Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:03:57Have your fun, boys. Have your fun.
01:04:00'Cause I'm gonna start looking for for a new job.
01:04:16Hey! Urs! Ha!
01:04:22- Hi. - Hi. Sorry I'm late.
01:04:24- The mayor came down today.
01:04:29Ah, biker! I'm an idiot.
01:04:33Boy, you guys just keep shooting yourselves in the foot.
01:04:37- Heard you got to see Farva naked. - Yeah, it was hard to miss.
01:04:42So, Grady thinks he's got you guys by the balls.
01:04:44Yeah. How do you feel about long-distance relationships?
01:04:47Think I'm getting sent to Deer Lick.
01:04:49Well, I've been thinking about this.
01:04:51I think I might have an idea.
01:04:55The governor comes to town on Saturday for that big thing, right?
01:04:58She's gonna make a big speech about drugs and law enforcement...
01:05:01- and all of that because of your bust.
01:05:03She's gonna shut us down.
01:05:05No! Not if you give her more.
01:05:07Get the reefer out of the Winnebago and give it
01:05:10to her during the party.
01:05:12- Make a big show of it. - With all that media there,
01:05:15she would love us for it.
01:05:16- No way she'll shut you down. - That reefer's locked
01:05:19in the Winnebago...
01:05:20which is locked in your impound, which is guarded by assholes.
01:05:26All right. Here's what I'll need.
01:05:29Five ski masks, a case of smoke bombs--the good ones--
01:05:32- and banana peels, lots of banana-- - Foster?
01:05:35- How about if I just help you get in?
01:05:38You would do that for me?
01:05:39Yeah. What the hell. We'll work together.
01:05:43- Like Cagney and Lacey.
01:05:45Yeah. Well, Cagney and Lacey were women.
01:05:47- But-- - I could be Lacey.
01:05:59Mac-o!
01:06:01- So that's it, huh? - C.C.S. Rockman Bulletproofing
01:06:05is the tops!
01:06:06Same guys who make our flak jackets.
01:06:09Now, Rabbit, a good cop does what...
01:06:12before using his equipment in the field?
01:06:14- Uh, they test it? - They test it. Exactly.
01:06:19How are you shootin' today, Thorn?
01:06:23- Dead on all morning. - How about
01:06:25that little fella?
01:06:26Oh, that little guy? I wouldn't worry about that little guy.
01:06:29- Good enough for me. You're my man, now.
01:06:36I don't get it. How are we going to get
01:06:38into the local impound?
01:06:39There are gonna be cops there.
01:06:41- Wa-hoo!
01:06:43Most of the local cops will probably already
01:06:45be at the banquet.
01:06:46They'll leave, like, one or two of the dumbest
01:06:49guys at the station.
01:06:50- How are you feelin' there, Mac? - Good
01:06:53enough to fuck your mother!
01:06:55So, what we have to do is distract whoever
01:06:57they leave there.
01:06:58Hey, Mac! You still have that Halloween costume?
01:07:01Oh, hell, yeah. You don't throw out--
01:07:03Wa-hoo-hoo!
01:07:05Damn, that's good!
01:07:09So, if we can get ten minutes, you and I
01:07:11can get into the impound...
01:07:12get the reefer, and get it to the governor
01:07:14before she leaves?
01:07:15- Nice and easy. - I like it.
01:07:18- You're up. - Me?
01:07:20- Now, don't get puke on it. - Does it hurt?
01:07:22You're gonna feel a little pinch.
01:07:24Lookin' good, Rabbit! Now don't move!
01:07:27- Hang on, buddy. - Hey, Cap!
01:07:29- Hey, Captain. - Bulletproof cup, huh?
01:07:33I invented this gag, Rabbit.
01:07:37- Only in my day, the rookie got naked.
01:07:39Whoa, whoa, whoa!
01:07:45And we also used blanks.
01:07:49You're a sick motherfucker, Mac.
01:07:51- Thanks, Chief. - All right, Thorny.
01:07:54Why'd you call me up here?
01:08:03Good to know you're still battin' for us with
01:08:05the budget committee, Mayor.
01:08:06Well, I don't want to mince words, John, but
01:08:08it doesn't look too good.
01:08:09Maybe not to the untrained eye.
01:08:12But if I was a bettin' man, I'd put money on us changin'
01:08:15the governor's mind tonight.
01:08:16Well, you might want to strap on your ass-kissing boots
01:08:20and start right now.
01:08:21- I think she's your only hope. - Hello.
01:08:24What is this thing again? Humane Society?
01:08:26- Uh, it's a drug bust. - Cocaine?
01:08:29- Hello. - Uh, marijuana.
01:08:33- Then why are we here? - Oh, I think we're pretty
01:08:36well covered, Mr. Mayor.
01:08:37I think she's got a lot of decisions to make.
01:08:39- I don't envy her. - Oh, I do.
01:08:41I'll be lucky to have a figure like that when I'm her age.
01:08:44- Yeah. That's a good one.
01:08:50- We're sending someone down, don't worry. Okay.
01:08:52Thanks. You bet.
01:08:53- No, no, no, no. We'll bring the guns.
01:08:55We're on it. We're on it.
01:08:56We got it. All right, that's like twenty calls.
01:08:59I'll tell you what. I'll go down there and check it out.
01:09:02- What about me? - Burton, somebody's
01:09:04got to stay here.
01:09:07All right, fuck it.
01:09:27Shit!
01:09:30Maybe this is the key.
01:09:33- I mean, no offense, bro, but...
01:09:36when did you become a cop?
01:09:38None taken, Ramathorn. None taken.
01:09:40- Really. How'd you know the key was there?
01:09:42A gentleman never asks.
01:09:44A lady never tells. Wonder how Rabbit's doin'?
01:09:48Oh, yeah!
01:09:50- Yeah! Yeah! - What does that look like to you?
01:09:56- Is the bear--
01:10:01- Is the guy-- - Oh, yeah. Yeah!
01:10:02- Is the guy-- - Oh, yeah. Yeah!
01:10:04Seems more of a game warden thing to me.
01:10:07- Well, it's illegal, Burton. I know that!
01:10:10Whoo! Oh!
01:10:19Oh, shit. Look who's here.
01:10:21I thought you said he wasn't gonna make it.
01:10:23I tried.
01:10:23- Glad to see you, Rodney. - Hey, how are you doin', Rowdy?
01:10:26- How you think I'm doin'? Open bar, ain't it?
01:10:29Mm-hmm.
01:10:29- Thought you said Bowl-a-rama. - Yeah, I tried to call you,
01:10:32but, um--
01:10:33Yeah, right!
01:10:35- Give me six Schlitzes. - No Schlitz.
01:10:37- Whatever's free. - Take it easy, Rod.
01:10:41Open bar, dude!
01:10:56Hello down there. Are you okay?
01:11:02Excuse me.
01:11:04- Bear--Bear-fucker! - Yeah! Yeah!
01:11:08- Do you need assistance? - Oh! Oh! Oh, yeah.
01:11:12Okay.
01:11:16Let's do this.
01:11:21Hey, hey, whoa! Whoa!
01:11:26Mayor Timber, yeah. So I just wanted to let you know...
01:11:30that the governor's gonna have to leave early.
01:11:32For an emergency fund-raiser. So--
01:11:35Aw, she's gonna speak in about five minutes.
01:11:37And then we're gonna have to zip on out of here.
01:11:40Well, thanks for the heads-up.
01:11:42I'll go check on those guys.
01:11:46Mac-Attack! Wanna go punch for punch?
01:11:50Good one! I did not specify.
01:11:53Never shit a shitter. Lady in blue, comin' through.
01:11:58Ramathorn.
01:12:01What? I don't know. Two minutes?
01:12:07* Yeah, yeah *
01:12:15* Well, I got a ticket to ride this rocket *
01:12:18* Whoo, sixteen ounces in my back pocket *
01:12:23* Well, come on, baby, won't you take a little taste *
01:12:25* 'Cause we're about to get on into outer space *
01:12:27* I got a ticket to ride on that rocket *
01:12:44You weren't kiddin'. That's a lot of hooch!
01:12:47* Whoo-hoo Yeah, hoo-hoo *
01:13:02Holy shit. What's Grady doin' up there?
01:13:05...and of course, your own local police chief, Bruce Grady...
01:13:09has made yet another astonishing breakthrough...
01:13:13in our state's War on Drugs.
01:13:17- That's fine police work.
01:13:21Thank you very much. The real credit...
01:13:24goes to my skilled officers, who uncovered the marijuana
01:13:27in that Winnebago.
01:13:28And, uh, we have identified the dead woman
01:13:30from that Winnebago...
01:13:32as a drug 'queenpin' from Louisville, Kentucky--
01:13:36Lucy Garfield.
01:13:37Or, as we like to call her down at the station,
01:13:40'The Louisville Smuggler.'
01:13:45There will be no more running of marijuana...
01:13:47through Spurbury on my watch.
01:13:49- You can count on that.
01:13:59Farva's number one! Farva's number one!
01:14:03Hey! You showed Grady our secret stash?
01:14:06That was our stash!
01:14:08- I did not show Grady the stash! - Those bags of grass...
01:14:10- represented a-a bond of trust between us.
01:14:12Foster--
01:14:12- Foster, I had no idea-- - Did you pick me because
01:14:14you could manipulate me?
01:14:16No! How could you even say that?
01:14:19- Because you crapped on my heart!
01:14:21I what on your heart?
01:14:22What are you gettin' out of this? Is Grady
01:14:25puttin' you on the road?
01:14:27No, a-are you-- You're screwing him too.
01:14:30- Asshole. - Aah!
01:14:40- Ursula--
01:14:45- Oh, Mac. - What the fuck?
01:14:48Fuckin' traitor!
01:14:53Hey, Mac! Did it work? Did it work?
01:15:03Was there ever a moment when you suspected her?
01:15:06- No, why would I? - Exactly.
01:15:08Why use your head when you can be getting some
01:15:10cop-on-cop fucky-sucky?
01:15:11Well, did you tell her anything?
01:15:13Two cops sleeping together. What the hell do you think
01:15:15they talked about?
01:15:15I don't know. Doin' it? Positions and stuff?
01:15:17Oh, shut up. You guys don't even know her.
01:15:20- Get it through your head, fish dick. She was in on it.
01:15:21Fuck you, Mac!
01:15:22All right, all right. Fighting's not gonna
01:15:24change anything.
01:15:25Foster, she played you good. It's called the honey pot.
01:15:27You should have known better.
01:15:28Well, I guess they're gonna shut us down anyway.
01:15:33But you two are friends, you know? You shouldn't
01:15:35let this come between you.
01:15:36Come on now. Shake hands.
01:15:39- Sorry. - You should be.
01:15:41- Hey! - Sorry.
01:15:43Sorry.
01:15:45- Good, now. Who wants a shot?
01:15:47I do.
01:15:48- I'll have one. - I said, who wants a shot?
01:15:50- I do! - Do you have any openings
01:15:52in Sherburne, Cap?
01:15:53Not for you guys. - Oh, come on.
01:15:56- We're like the sons you never had. - If you were my son, Mac...
01:15:59I would have smothered you by now.
01:16:01Smothered me in gravy, you big, dirty man.
01:16:05- You put in for a transfer yet? - Ugh!
01:16:07I applied for a guard job. At the post office.
01:16:10Oh, man. - You'll finally get to shoot someone.
01:16:19- To the death of fun. - Here's to you guys.
01:16:28What's up, dirty dogs?
01:16:31Guess that's it for the old locker.
01:16:34She stinks like ass, but I'll sure miss her.
01:16:36I guess you can say that about all my girls.
01:16:38- What the fuck? - What the fuck to you too.
01:16:42- What are you? - I'm a cop. What are you?
01:16:46- A local cop? - Grady had an opening. Big deal.
01:16:49Why are you wearing that uniform in my station?
01:16:52Look who's talkin', Denim Dan!
01:16:54You look like the president, chairman and C.E.O.
01:16:57of Levi Strauss.
01:16:58Where'd you get the Canadian tuxedo?
01:17:00You ratted us out to Grady.
01:17:03I'm not even gonna dignify myself with a response to that.
01:17:07Hey, I got no hard feelings. Nothin' a few beers
01:17:09can't fix, right?
01:17:10Hey, how about one on me, Ramrod?
01:17:14Excuse me. Uh, excuse me, guys.
01:17:17Yeah. I'll be right back.
01:17:19- What the fuck? - We should have taken him
01:17:23out the back and shot him.
01:17:25- Aye, aye, Captain. - I gotta call Ursula.
01:17:27Fellas, we got to get him back. He's gotta pay for this.
01:17:30- Nobody wears that uniform in my station.
01:17:32- Farva's goin' down! - Yes! Right!
01:17:34- Grady's goin' down! - Yeah!
01:17:36- All of these fuckers are goin' down!
01:17:38Yeah!
01:17:41- What?
01:17:59Welcome to Dimpus Burger. May I take your order?
01:18:02Hello in there. This is Officer Rod Farva.
01:18:05- Give me a liter of cola! - Uh, sorry, Officer Farva, I can't--
01:18:10You want me to come in there, boy? I'll come in there!
01:18:13- Hello? - Chase him! Chase him!
01:18:16- Let's pull someone over.
01:18:18Whoa!
01:18:26License and registration.
01:18:43When you gotta go, you gotta go.
01:18:49We are the Spurbury police!
01:18:55Whoo! Hoo! Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
01:19:08I'm cool. I'm cool.
01:19:13Grady! Get your ass out here!
01:19:21- Grady! - I don't want to sound
01:19:23like a wienie...
01:19:24- but I think I should call Ursula. - No way!
01:19:26- You sound like a fuckin' wienie. - Gimme the radio.
01:19:29Grady? Bruce?
01:19:31Fuck it, all right. Gimme the goddamn radio.
01:19:33- He's not home! - Hey, Chief-o!
01:19:37This is Officer Rod Farva. Come in, Ursula.
01:19:40- What're you doin'? - Ursula! I love you, Ursula.
01:19:43- Come in, Ursula! - Who is this? Hello?
01:19:46- Oh! Oh! - Oh, she's there?
01:19:48Ursula! Oh, I'm sorry.
01:19:51Sir, this is a police channel. Please get off of it.
01:19:53- I'm tryin' to apologize here. - Sir, this is not a civilian channel.
01:19:58If you'd like to have a conversation with someone,
01:20:00please go to Channel Five.
01:20:01All right, Thorny. Pop it over to Channel Five.
01:20:04Look what I found! A two-by-four!
01:20:08- You go, girl! - Foster!
01:20:09- Help me out here, Rabbit. - Foster, is that you?
01:20:11I need someone sober. - You got it, Cap.
01:20:14- And, hit! - My ass in your face, Thorny.
01:20:18- So-So, hey, what's goin' on?
01:20:22Don't use that boyfriend voice with me.
01:20:24What are you doing?
01:20:25Don't use that boyfriend voice with me, Foster!
01:20:27- Hit! - Yea!
01:20:29Now, did you know that Farva was the one who told Grady
01:20:33about our plans?
01:20:34- Yeah. I know. He's working for us now.
01:20:38So, I'm sorry.
01:20:39- I don't know. Can I come see you?
01:20:42I love you.
01:20:43- Listen, Foster-- - Ursula! I'm naked!
01:20:48Listen, Foster? You want to get these guys back?
01:20:52- Yeah! - I know a way we can
01:20:54get 'em really good.
01:20:56- Yeah, let's get 'em good! Did you hear that, guys?
01:20:59Yes, sir.
01:20:59Okay, I get off work at 10:30.
01:21:02Meet me at Route 9 and Okeechobee Road,
01:21:03and don't be late.
01:21:04- She said, 'Okeechobee.' - She's okey-dokey.
01:21:12She's late.
01:21:17So, Foster...
01:21:19- is this your usual meeting spot?
01:21:23No.
01:21:26- Fuckin' shit! - That was Galikanokus!
01:21:28- Let's get him!
01:21:38Outta the car! Goddamn it!
01:21:40Same shit, different day, huh, Rabbit?
01:21:43Everybody outta the car! I said now!
01:21:46You're all under arrest for stealing a Spurbury
01:21:48police vehicle.
01:21:49No, Farva, you are under arrest for being a total
01:21:52and complete fuckhead!
01:21:53Y-You don't want to do this, Rod. We gotta go
01:21:56catch that truck.
01:21:56Using what? Super Citizen power?
01:22:00Galikanokus is on that truck!
01:22:02I'll believe that when me shit turns purple...
01:22:05- and smells like rainbow sherbet. - Does it sound like that when I say it?
01:22:08Farva! You are not stopping me from getting my job back!
01:22:12- Get him, Mac!
01:22:15- I got a job now. - You're a local cop.
01:22:18- You're goddamn right I am! - You ratted us out!
01:22:21No, Thorny. I barely had a job before.
01:22:25Farva, get the coffee. Farva, hit the radio.
01:22:28Farva, clean the cells! I'm a cop, goddamn it!
01:22:32I got my own car, now. I get to bust criminals!
01:22:36It's what I gotta do!
01:22:38- You screwed us over. - No, Thorny.
01:22:43Okay. Okay, I did! I did, I did.
01:22:47- I'm sorry, Rodney. - Come on, Rod.
01:22:48- Oh, Thorny! - No, no, no. Please. Come on.
01:22:51- Listen, listen. This is your big chance.
01:22:54When we go up there, and we're wrong, no big deal.
01:22:59But if we're right, you can be a hero.
01:23:03Come on. Team Ramrod!
01:23:10Will you look at that?
01:23:13- We got 'em, Cap. - We got 'em, we got 'em!
01:23:16- Oh. - Fuckin' Galikanokus!
01:23:21There's Canadian markings on that plane.
01:23:23Okay, Foster. You and Rabbit come around
01:23:25in a classic pincer move.
01:23:27- Mac, I need you to take-- - No, no, no, Thorny. Me and you!
01:23:30We outflank 'em, and we do, like, a submarine move.
01:23:33- Team Ramrod? - Shut up, Farva.
01:23:36- Farva, you're leaning-- - Wait a minute!
01:23:38Oh! The locals! I hate those fuckin' guys!
01:23:42Goddamn it, you dipshits! If I had my car, I'd have
01:23:45been in on this bust!
01:23:46Shh! Rodney! Rodney, get your ass back here!
01:23:50Here we go again-- What the fuck?
01:23:54- Oh, did you see that? He kissed that guy!
01:23:58Shh!
01:24:00Holy shit!
01:24:02God! We should have known.
01:24:05So, wait. The local cops are selling Afghani grass to the Canadians?
01:24:10- Assholes! - No, Rabbit,
01:24:11it's comin' in from Canada.
01:24:12Canadian grass. Ah!
01:24:15- Assholes. - No!
01:24:17The local mothers are running protection for' em.
01:24:21Oh, I guess I'm the asshole.
01:24:25I'm sorry we didn't wait for you, but--
01:24:27Listen to me, Foster. I need to tell you something.
01:24:31- What, are you guys drunk? - No!
01:24:35- Your local buddies are runnin' grass! - Listen, I know.
01:24:37- I know what they're doing. I've known for awhile.
01:24:41You know this?
01:24:42Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you in on it?
01:24:44No! They keep me on dispatch. I didn't know what to do
01:24:47when I found out about it.
01:24:48- I was afraid I'd lose my job. - Oh.
01:24:51You should have just told us. We would have arrested them.
01:24:53- Yeah, we used to be cops, remember? Shh!
01:24:55I remember--
01:24:56No offense, but the less you guys knew,
01:24:58the less you could screw up.
01:24:59- Oh. - I was trying to stop it
01:25:01without getting brought down.
01:25:03Th-That's why I helped you find the reefer, that's why I helped
01:25:05you guys steal the Winnebago...
01:25:06and that's why I brought you...here tonight.
01:25:09- Ah! - You didn't do this because
01:25:11you like Foster? Shh!
01:25:12No, I mean-- I do like Foster, but I--
01:25:14- But you used him. - Yeah, I guess so.
01:25:17But I really like him now.
01:25:18Ah!
01:25:20- This is so good-- - This is kind of awkward.
01:25:24I hate to break up the 'like-fest,' but it's prime time for crime-time!
01:25:30But wait! Hey, hey, hey! Are you guys kidding?
01:25:32Look at yourselves.
01:25:33You saw what they did to Galikanokus's girlfriend.
01:25:36And you guys are drunk, and unarmed.
01:25:37- Oh, hey, I am sober as a bird.
01:25:40I am drunk.
01:25:49- What do you got? - No guns. They got flares.
01:25:53And some string.
01:26:02Oh, Farva, you sad, lonely man.
01:26:05- Ugh. - Oh, wait. He's got
01:26:08your name written on it.
01:26:10- Oh! - Ooh.
01:26:12- Chief!. Chief Grady! I secured the perimeter, sir.
01:26:16Farva!
01:26:16Sorry I missed the call. Looks like we got 'em. Rock'n' roll!
01:26:20What the hell are you doin' here, Farva?
01:26:23Put that pistol down!
01:26:24- Qu'est-ce-que c'est ca? - English!
01:26:26- Chief!. - Put a bullet in him, Grady.
01:26:28What the fuck is this?
01:26:31- Grady? - Shit, what the fuck is this?
01:26:35Shoot it!
01:26:46- That's my car. - Grady!
01:26:49- That's my girl! - Grady!
01:26:51Smy, Burton, check that out.
01:27:01- What are ya, drunk? - Drunk enough to kick your ass.
01:27:05Let's see what you've got, O'Hagan.
01:27:10- * Big Bear * - * His hide is tough *
01:27:13- * Big Bear * - * He looks like a rug*
01:27:15- * Big Bear * - * He don't take no guff
01:27:17He's Big Bear *
01:27:47Two-time Navy champion. Tag 'im and bag 'im!
01:27:53- Way to go, Cap. - Give my regards to Bobby Baboon.
01:27:59* Oh, Big Bear *
01:28:00* Oh, Big Bear *
01:28:03Hey, hey, hey, hey. You haven't opened it yet, have ya?
01:28:08- How are ya doin'? - Hey, man. Hey, buddy.
01:28:10- Hi. - Hey!
01:28:13- Hi, John. - Hi, darlin'.
01:28:15Here we go.
01:28:18'Dear John...
01:28:20'Congratulations are due to you...
01:28:23'and your men for your brave, impressive...
01:28:27'but most of all unorthodox tactics...
01:28:30'in thwarting the drug-smuggling ring...
01:28:32and extreme police corruption.'
01:28:35- Ooh. She loves us. - All right.
01:28:38'I cannot stress enough how proud we at the statehouse are of you.
01:28:41'The great state of Vermont could use more officers like your men.
01:28:45'As you requested, we have reevaluated the financial situation...
01:28:49regarding your unit.'
01:28:51- And we're gonna buy you a tank.
01:28:54'Due to our tight fiscal situation...
01:28:58'we regret to inform you that we are still...
01:29:01'going to have to close your station.
01:29:05'Good luck in Sherburne, John.
01:29:09'And give your men my best.
01:29:12'Sincerely...
01:29:14Governor Fuckhead.'
01:29:20I did not see that coming.
01:29:46I told you to bring the handcart.
01:29:49- Sorry. - Tilt it.
01:29:53Oh, goddamn, I remember these things being lighter!
01:29:56I think I'm gonna drop a nut!
01:29:59- Shit. - Hope they like foam.
01:30:01It's not so bad. Good exercise.
01:30:05- Cool uniforms. - Yeah. All the beer you can drink.
01:30:08I'm into that!
01:30:14Beer!
01:30:17- Oh, God. - You order the keg of St. Anky?
01:30:20Uh, yeah!
01:30:23But aren't you guys the Highway Patrol?
01:30:26Yeah, but our station got shut down, so--
01:30:28Oh, no shit, man!
01:30:31Yeah, shit. This your keg?
01:30:33Oh, my-my Dad ordered it. But he's asleep right now.
01:30:37Keg's here!
01:30:41Oh, St. Anky's.
01:30:45- Oh, God. No! - No, no, no!
01:30:47Hey, man. Hey, bro. It's cool, man. They got fired!
01:30:51No shit?
01:30:53No shit, man!
01:30:57- All right, all right. Where's the keg go?
01:31:00Put it in the rec room, man.
01:31:03Make room, make room. What took you guys
01:31:05so long to get here?
01:31:06What'd you do? Brew it yourself?
01:31:08- I am cool. - You're cool, man.
01:31:11Check this out. Um, why don't you guys
01:31:13put that, um...
01:31:15over there?
01:31:19- Move it, move it, move it. - We want a drink! Come on.
01:31:22Tap this thing!
01:31:25Actually, you know what? I think it's better...
01:31:28Feng Shui if it's, uh, over there.
01:31:31Definitely. Definitely better over there.
01:31:40Oh, wait, wait. Guys. Guys. You know what?
01:31:43Man, it's probably better for the flow...
01:31:45if you put it back over here.
01:31:52And don't forget to tap that keg, guys.
01:31:57Okay, okay. Somebody's gonna need to sign for this...
01:31:59and I need to see some I.D.
01:32:03Look, you know what? I don't have any I.D.
01:32:06But, uh, Abraham Lincoln here, he says that I'm 21...
01:32:11and he never told a lie.
01:32:14Yeah, actually it was George Washington that
01:32:17never told a lie.
01:32:18You guys drive a hard bargain, but--
01:32:21Actually, you know what?
01:32:24Why don't you guys split it?
01:32:27That was good, man.
01:32:30- Are you ready for the fun part?
01:32:32Oh, yeah.
01:32:33'Cause here comes the fun part: Spurbury Police!
01:32:36You're all under arrest!
01:32:42- Come on back, now. - Oh, yeah.
01:32:55All this for a noise complaint?
01:32:59I love acid--
01:33:04Cops.
01:33:08What the crap? How come nobody called me?
01:33:13- We're in trouble, aren't we? - Oh, yeah.
01:33:15You're in big trouble.
01:33:17- We're in trouble, aren't we? - Oh, yeah.
01:33:20You're in big trouble.
01:33:23And if you really want to choke somebody, you gotta
01:33:25hit the Adam's apple.
01:33:26- Like this?
01:33:39* So call off the party quick *
01:33:42* Find a replacement *
01:33:58* Get your pink slip Quit your downtown *
01:34:01Loser!
01:34:20Ping! Ping!
01:34:23Ping! Ping!
01:34:27Ping!
01:34:29Farva!
01:34:34* Let's face it *
01:34:39* Get your pink slip Get your pink slip *
01:34:41* Get your pink slip Get your pink slip *
01:34:45* Won't you get a job Won't you get a job *
01:34:48* Don't be a fuckin' slob *
01:35:32* Yeah *
01:35:42* Yeah *
01:35:48* Get your pink slip *
01:35:51* Get your pink slip *
01:35:55* Quit your day job *
01:35:58* Quit your day job *
01:36:00* Quit your day job *
01:36:51* In the black and blue light *
01:36:53* Now he's readin' your rights *
01:36:56* He's a mean dog barkin' in the dust and the dark *
01:36:59* In the middle of the night *
01:37:02* Ain't no better you can do *
01:37:05* After all I'm through A trooper with an attitude *
01:37:16* A trooper with an attitude *
01:37:23* Said you're pumpin' that light You'll never beat it in time *
01:37:28* And he laughs in your face So you feel the disgrace *
01:37:31* Now you're spreadin' 'em wide *
01:37:34* Did you walk clean comin' through *
01:37:37* You got troubles I'm sure A trooper with an attitude *
01:38:09* So he tried to make it clear *
01:38:11* You're wishin' you weren't here *
01:38:14* You don't try to make a go It's all on video
01:38:18And they're sellin' the beer *
01:38:20* The work's still comin' true *
01:38:23* You got troubles I'm sure A trooper with an attitude *
01:38:49Get out of the car.
01:39:08That's right.
01:39:11I'm talkin' to you.
01:39:59Aah!
01:40:03- Ah-ha-ha-ha! - I think we got it.
01:40:12subtitle edited by rogard

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