The Big Lebowski

00:00:41Way out West there was this fella.
00:00:44Fella I wanna tell you about.
00:00:46Fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski.
00:00:50Least that was the handle that his loving parents gave him.
00:00:53But he never had much use for it himself.
00:00:57This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude.
00:01:01Now Dude,
00:01:03that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from.
00:01:07But then there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me,
00:01:12and a lot about where he lived likewise.
00:01:17But then again,
00:01:19maybe that's why I found the place so darned interesting.
00:01:27They call Los Angeles the City of Angels.
00:01:31I didn't find it to be that, exactly.
00:01:34But I'll allow there are some nice folks there.
00:01:38Course, I can't say I seen London,
00:01:41and I never been to France,
00:01:43and I ain't never seen no queen in her damned undies, as the fella says.
00:01:48But I'll tell you what,
00:01:50after seeing Los Angeles and this here story I'm about to unfold,
00:01:56well, I guess I've seen something
00:01:58every bit as stupefying as you can see in any of those other places,
00:02:03and in English, too.
00:02:05So I can die with a smile on my face
00:02:08without feeling like the good Lord gypped me.
00:02:12Now, this here story I'm about to unfold
00:02:14took place back in the early '90s,
00:02:17just about the time of our conflict with Saddam and the Iraqis.
00:02:22I only mention it 'cause sometimes there's a man...
00:02:26I won't say a hero.
00:02:28'Cause what's a hero?
00:02:30But sometimes there's a man...
00:02:32And I'm talking about the Dude here.
00:02:35Sometimes there's a man...
00:02:38Well, he's the man for his time and place.
00:02:43He fits right in there.
00:02:46And that's the Dude in Los Angeles.
00:02:50And even if he is a lazy man,
00:02:53and the Dude was most certainly that,
00:02:55quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles county,
00:02:59which would place him high in the running for laziest worldwide.
00:03:04But sometimes there's a man...
00:03:07Sometimes there's a man...
00:03:12Well, I lost my train of thought here.
00:03:17Hell, I done introduced him enough.
00:03:20...with them all for a collective action.
00:03:22This will not stand.
00:03:24This will not stand, this aggression against Kuwait.
00:03:58Where's the money, Lebowski?
00:04:01I want that money, Lebowski.
00:04:03Bunny says you're good for it.
00:04:05Where's the money, Lebowski?
00:04:11Where's the fucking money, shithead?
00:04:16It's down there somewhere. Let me take another look.
00:04:19Don't fuck with us.
00:04:23Your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn,
00:04:25that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn.
00:04:28Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski.
00:04:32No, don't do...
00:04:35Not on the rug, man. See?
00:04:38See what happens, Lebowski? You see what happens?
00:04:41Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy.
00:04:44I'm the Dude, man.
00:04:46Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski.
00:04:49Your wife is Bunny.
00:04:52My wife? Bunny?
00:04:54Do you see a wedding ring on my finger?
00:04:56Does this place look like I'm fucking married?
00:04:58The toilet seat's up, man!
00:05:09What the fuck is this?
00:05:11Obviously you're not a golfer.
00:05:16Woo? Yeah.
00:05:18Isn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire?
00:05:24Yeah. What do you think?
00:05:26He looks like a fucking loser.
00:05:29Hey, at least I'm housebroken.
00:05:31Fucking time-waster.
00:05:33Thanks a lot, asshole.
00:07:44I'm throwing rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude.
00:07:47I'm telling you, this was a valued rug. This was a...
00:07:52Yeah, man. It really tied the room together.
00:07:55This was a valued...
00:07:56What tied the room together, Dude? My rug.
00:07:58Were you listening to the Dude's story, Donny?
00:08:00What? Walter.
00:08:01Were you listening to the Dude's story? I was bowling.
00:08:04So you have no frame of reference here, Donny.
00:08:06You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...
00:08:09Walter, what's the point, man? There's no reason, here's my point, Dude.
00:08:12There's no fucking reason why these two...
00:08:14Yeah, Walter, what's your point?
00:08:15Walter, what is the...
00:08:17Look, we all know who is at fault here.
00:08:20What the fuck are you talking about? Huh?
00:08:22No, what the fuck are you... I'm not...
00:08:26We're talking about unchecked aggression here, Dude.
00:08:28What the fuck is he talking about? My rug.
00:08:30Forget it, Donny! You're out of your element!
00:08:32Walter, the Chinaman who peed on my rug,
00:08:34I can't go give him a bill!
00:08:36So what the fuck are you talking about?
00:08:38What the fuck are you talking about?
00:08:39The Chinaman is not the issue here, Dude!
00:08:41I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude.
00:08:44Across this line you do not...
00:08:46Also, Dude, "Chinaman" is not the preferred nomenclature.
00:08:51Asian-American, please.
00:08:52Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy...
00:08:56What the fuck are you...
00:08:58Walter, he peed on my rug! He peed on the Dude's rug.
00:09:01Donny, you're out of your element.
00:09:02Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here.
00:09:06So, who... Jeff Lebowski.
00:09:08The other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire.
00:09:11That's fucking interesting, man. That's fucking interesting.
00:09:14Plus, he has the wealth, obviously, and the resources,
00:09:18so that there's no reason, there's no fucking reason
00:09:21why his wife should go out and owe money all over town,
00:09:24and then they come and they pee on your fucking rug!
00:09:26Am I wrong? No.
00:09:28Am I wrong? Yeah, but...
00:09:29Okay then.
00:09:32That rug really tied the room together, did it not?
00:09:35Fucking A. And this guy peed on it.
00:09:37Donny, please.
00:09:39You know, this is the fucking guy...
00:09:40I could find this fucking Lebowski guy.
00:09:42His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude.
00:09:45This is the guy who should compensate me for the fucking rug.
00:09:49His wife goes out and owes money all over town, and they pee on my rug?
00:09:53They pee on your fucking rug?
00:09:55Peed on my fucking rug. That's right, Dude.
00:09:59They peed on your fucking rug.
00:10:03This is the study.
00:10:05As you can see, the various commendations, awards...
00:10:07"Jeffrey Lebowski. "... citations, honorary degrees, et cetera.
00:10:11Very impressive. Oh, please feel free to inspect them.
00:10:15Oh. No, I'm not really... Oh, please. Please.
00:10:18That is the key to the city of Pasadena,
00:10:20which Mr. Lebowski received two years ago in recognition of his various civic...
00:10:25Oh! That's the Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever Award,
00:10:30which is given... Oh, not necessarily given every year.
00:10:32Hey, is this...
00:10:34Given only when there's a worthy somebody...
00:10:35Is this him with Nancy?
00:10:36Yes, indeed, that is Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes.
00:10:40It was taken when Mrs. Reagan...
00:10:41That's Lebowski on the left there?
00:10:44Of course. Mr. Lebowski, on the left... So he's a...
00:10:46You know, a handicapped kind of guy?
00:10:49Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes.
00:10:52This picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation.
00:10:55Yes, yes.
00:10:56Not of California. Good shot.
00:10:58In fact, he met privately with the President,
00:11:01though, unfortunately, there wasn't enough time for a photo opportunity.
00:11:03Oh, Nancy's pretty good. Oh, wonderful woman.
00:11:06We were very happy to... These are...
00:11:08Oh, those are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak.
00:11:11Different mothers, huh?
00:11:12No, they're not... Racially, he's pretty cool?
00:11:16They're not literally his children.
00:11:18They're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers,
00:11:20inner city children of promise, but without the necessary means for...
00:11:23Necessary means for a higher education,
00:11:26so Mr. Lebowski is committed to sending all of them to college.
00:11:29Excuse me. Oh, geez.
00:11:30Thank you. Thank you.
00:11:32Far out. Think he's got room for one more? One... Oh.
00:11:38You never went to college.
00:11:40Please, don't touch that. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I did,
00:11:42but, you know, I spent most of my time
00:11:44occupying various administration buildings,
00:11:47smoking a lot of Thai stick,
00:11:49breaking into the ROTC and bowling.
00:11:53Tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.
00:12:01Okay, sir. You're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski.
00:12:04That's terrific.
00:12:06But I am very busy, as I imagine you are.
00:12:10What can I do for you, sir?
00:12:11Well, sir, it's this rug I have.
00:12:15It really tied the room together.
00:12:17You told Brandt on the phone. He told me.
00:12:20Where do I fit in?
00:12:22Well, they were looking for you, these two guys.
00:12:25You know, they... I'll say it again.
00:12:28You told Brandt on the phone. He told me.
00:12:31I know what happened. Yes, yes.
00:12:33Oh, so you know that they were trying to piss on your rug.
00:12:36Did I urinate on your rug?
00:12:38You mean, did you personally come and pee on my rug?
00:12:41Hello! Do you speak English, sir?
00:12:43Parla usted inglés?
00:12:45I'll ask you again. Did I urinate on your rug?
00:12:49No. Like I said, Woo peed on my rug.
00:12:51I just want to understand this, sir.
00:12:53Every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city,
00:12:57I have to compensate the person?
00:12:59Come on, man. I'm not trying to scam anybody here.
00:13:02You know, I'm just...
00:13:04You're just looking for a handout like every other...
00:13:09Are you employed, Mr. Lebowski?
00:13:12Wait. Let me explain something to you.
00:13:15I am not Mr. Lebowski.
00:13:17You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude.
00:13:20So that's what you call me. You know?
00:13:22That or His Dudeness,
00:13:24or Duder or, you know,
00:13:27El Duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
00:13:30Are you employed, sir?
00:13:36You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that, do you? On a weekday?
00:13:41Is this a...
00:13:42What day is this? Well, I do work, sir.
00:13:45So, if you don't mind... No, I do mind. The Dude minds.
00:13:50This will not stand, you know.
00:13:51This aggression will not stand, man.
00:13:54I mean, your wife owes money...
00:13:56My wife is not the issue here!
00:13:59I hope that someday my wife will learn to live on her allowance,
00:14:02which is ample.
00:14:04But if she does not, that is her problem, not mine,
00:14:07just as the rug is your problem.
00:14:09Just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility,
00:14:13regardless of who he chooses to blame.
00:14:15I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs.
00:14:19Some Chinaman took them from me in Korea.
00:14:21But I went out and achieved anyway.
00:14:25I cannot solve your problems, sir. Only you can.
00:14:30Well, fuck it. Oh, fuck it.
00:14:33Yes, that's your answer. That's your answer to everything.
00:14:36Tattoo it on your forehead!
00:14:38Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski!
00:14:40Condolences! The bums lost!
00:14:44My advice to you is to do what your parents did!
00:14:47Get a job, sir!
00:14:49The bums will always lose!
00:14:51Do you hear me, Lebowski?
00:14:53The bums will always lose.
00:14:57How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?
00:15:01The old man told me to take any rug in the house.
00:15:04Well, enjoy.
00:15:06And perhaps we'll see you again sometime, Dude.
00:15:08Yeah, sure.
00:15:10If I'm in the neighborhood, you know,
00:15:14and I need to use the john.
00:15:27Blow on them. Huh?
00:15:29Go ahead. Blow.
00:15:33You want me to blow on your toes?
00:15:39I can't blow that far.
00:15:47Are you sure he won't mind?
00:15:49Uli doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist.
00:15:52Oh, that must be exhausting.
00:15:54You're not blowing.
00:15:56Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski.
00:16:01You're Bunny.
00:16:04I'll suck your cock for $1,000.
00:16:11Wonderful woman.
00:16:12We're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
00:16:15Brandt can't watch though, or he has to pay $100.
00:16:19That's marvelous.
00:16:23I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
00:16:30I'm slamming them tonight!
00:16:33You guys are dead in the water.
00:16:35All right! Way to go, Donny!
00:16:39"If you will it, it is no dream. "
00:16:41Fucking 20 minutes late, man. What the fuck is that?
00:16:45Theodore Herzl. Huh?
00:16:47State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no dream.
00:16:50What the fuck are you talking about, man?
00:16:52The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? Huh?
00:16:55Oh! Cynthia's dog. Think it's a Pomeranian.
00:16:58Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture.
00:17:00I'm watching it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
00:17:03You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling?
00:17:05What do you mean, brought it bowling?
00:17:06I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer.
00:17:09He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
00:17:12Man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog
00:17:15while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu,
00:17:17I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it?
00:17:19First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex.
00:17:21Secondly, this is a fucking show dog with fucking papers.
00:17:25You can't board it. It gets upset. Its hair falls out.
00:17:27Walter... Fucking dog has fucking papers.
00:17:30Over the line! Huh?
00:17:33I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line. That's a foul.
00:17:35Bullshit. Mark it eight, Dude.
00:17:37Excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
00:17:40Bullshit, Walter. Mark it eight, Dude.
00:17:43Smokey, this is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
00:17:46Hey, Walter, come on. Hey, man, it's Smokey.
00:17:48So his toe slipped over a little, you know.
00:17:51It's just a game, man. This is a league game.
00:17:53This determines who enters the next round robin.
00:17:55Am I wrong? Yeah, but I wasn't...
00:17:57Am I wrong? Yeah, but I wasn't over.
00:17:59Give me the marker, Dude. I'm marking an eight.
00:18:02Smokey, my friend,
00:18:05you're entering a world of pain. Walter, man.
00:18:08You mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain.
00:18:12I'm not... A world of pain.
00:18:14Look, Dude, this is your partner.
00:18:17Has the whole world gone crazy?
00:18:19Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?
00:18:22Mark it zero!
00:18:23They're calling the cops, man. Put the piece away.
00:18:25Mark it zero! Walter, put the piece away.
00:18:28Walter. You think I'm fucking around here?
00:18:31Mark it zero!
00:18:39All right. It's fucking zero.
00:18:42You happy, you crazy fuck?
00:18:46It's a league game, Smokey.
00:18:50You can't do that, man.
00:18:51These guys, you know, they're like me, they're pacifists.
00:18:54Smokey was a conscientious objector.
00:18:57You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism at one point.
00:19:00Not in Nam, of course.
00:19:01And you know he's got emotional problems, man.
00:19:05You mean, beyond pacifism?
00:19:07He's fragile. He's very fragile.
00:19:13I did not know that.
00:19:15Well, it's all water under the bridge.
00:19:18And we do enter the next round robin.
00:19:21Am I wrong? No, you're not wrong.
00:19:23Am I wrong? You're not wrong, Walter.
00:19:25You're just an asshole.
00:19:26Okay then.
00:19:28Play Quintana and O'Brien next week.
00:19:30They should be pushovers.
00:19:33Man, would you just...
00:19:35Just take it easy, man.
00:19:37You know, that's your answer for everything, Dude.
00:19:39Let me point out something. Pacifism is not...
00:19:42Look at our current situation with that camel fucker in Iraq.
00:19:45Pacifism is not something to hide behind.
00:19:47Just take it easy, man.
00:19:51I'm perfectly calm, Dude.
00:19:52Yeah, waving the fucking gun around? Calmer than you are.
00:19:56Will you just take it easy?
00:19:59Calmer than you are.
00:20:05Dude, this is Smokey.
00:20:06Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this,
00:20:08and I know it wasn't your fault,
00:20:10but I just thought it was fair to tell you
00:20:11that Gilbert and I will be submitting this to the league
00:20:14and asking them to set aside the round.
00:20:16I don't know, maybe forfeit it to us.
00:20:19So, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning.
00:20:22Tell Walter.
00:20:24I'm sorry.
00:20:27Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at...
00:20:31Well, at Mr. Lebowski's office.
00:20:33Please call us as soon as it's convenient.
00:20:37Mr. Lebowski, this is Mel Zelnicker
00:20:39of the Southern Cal Bowling League.
00:20:41I just got an informal report that a member of your team, a Walter Sobchak,
00:20:46drew a firearm during league play.
00:20:48If this is true, of course,
00:20:50it contravenes a number of the league's bylaws
00:20:52and also article 27 of the league...
00:20:55Dude. Hey, Marty.
00:20:57Dude, I finally got...
00:20:59I got the venue I wanted.
00:21:02I'm performing my dance quintet, you know, my cycle,
00:21:06at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theater on Tuesday night.
00:21:08And, well, I'd love it if you came and gave me notes.
00:21:14I'll be there, man.
00:21:18Dude, tomorrow's already the tenth.
00:21:22Far out.
00:21:26Oh. Oh, all right. Okay.
00:21:28Just slip the rent under my door.
00:21:34...serious infraction and examine your standing.
00:21:37Thank you.
00:21:40Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again.
00:21:43Please do call us as soon as you get in and I'll send the limo.
00:21:46I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug,
00:21:50which I assure you is not a problem.
00:21:53We need your help, and...
00:21:55Well, we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt.
00:22:01We've had some terrible news.
00:22:02Mr. Lebowski's in seclusion in the west wing.
00:22:09Mr. Lebowski.
00:22:20I can look back on a life of achievement,
00:22:24challenges met,
00:22:26competitors bested,
00:22:28obstacles overcome.
00:22:32I've accomplished more than most men
00:22:35and without the use of my legs.
00:22:42What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?
00:22:46Dude. Huh?
00:22:49Oh, I don't know, sir.
00:22:52Is it being prepared to do the right thing,
00:22:57whatever the cost?
00:23:00Isn't that what makes a man?
00:23:03Sure, that and a pair of testicles.
00:23:06You're joking,
00:23:10but perhaps you're right.
00:23:12You mind if I do a Jay?
00:23:19Excuse me?
00:23:21Bunny Lebowski.
00:23:23She is the light of my life.
00:23:27Are you surprised at my tears, sir?
00:23:31Oh, fucking A.
00:23:33Strong men also cry.
00:23:44I received this fax this morning.
00:23:49As you can see, it is a ransom note.
00:23:54"We have Bunny. "
00:23:56Written by men who were unable to achieve on a level field of play.
00:24:00"Gather $1 million... "
00:24:03Cowards! "... in unmarked, nonconsecutive 20s. "
00:24:06Weaklings! "Await instructions. "
00:24:09Bums! "No funny stuff. "
00:24:12Bummer. Huh?
00:24:15This is a bummer, man. That's... That's a bummer.
00:24:20Brandt will fill you in on the details.
00:24:37Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as courier
00:24:42once we get instructions for the money.
00:24:45Why me, man?
00:24:46He believes the culprits might be the very people who soiled your rug
00:24:51and you are in a unique position to confirm or disconfirm that suspicion.
00:24:56He thinks the carpet pissers did this?
00:24:58Well, Dude, we just don't know.
00:26:37Fucking Quintana.
00:26:40That creep can roll, man.
00:26:43Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude. Yeah.
00:26:47No, he's a sex offender with a record.
00:26:50He did six months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight-year-old.
00:26:54When he moved to Hollywood, he had to go door-to-door
00:26:56to tell everyone he was a pederast.
00:26:59What's a pederast, Walter? Shut the fuck up, Donny.
00:27:05So, how much did he give you?
00:27:0720 grand, man. And, of course, I still get to keep the rug.
00:27:11Just for making a hand-off? Yeah.
00:27:12They gave Dude a beeper.
00:27:16So whenever these guys call... What if it's during a game?
00:27:18Oh, I told them if it was during league play...
00:27:21What's during league play?
00:27:22Life does not stop and start at your convenience,
00:27:25you miserable piece of shit.
00:27:27I figure... What's wrong with Walter, Dude?
00:27:29I figure it's easy money, you know. It's all pretty harmless.
00:27:31She probably kidnapped herself.
00:27:34What do you mean, Dude? Rug-peers did not do this.
00:27:37Look at it. A young trophy wife marries this guy for his money.
00:27:42She figures he isn't giving her enough, you know.
00:27:45She owes money all over town.
00:27:47That fucking bitch!
00:27:49It's all a goddamn fake, man.
00:27:51It's like Lenin said,
00:27:53you look for the person who will benefit and, you know...
00:27:58I Am the Walrus? You know, you'll...
00:28:01You know what I'm trying to say. I Am the Walrus.
00:28:04That fucking bitch! Oh, yeah!
00:28:06I Am the Walrus. That's...
00:28:08Shut the fuck up, Donny!
00:28:09V. I. Lenin, Vladimir llyich Ulyanov!
00:28:13What the fuck is he talking about?
00:28:14Fucking exactly what happened to those...
00:28:16That makes me fucking sick!
00:28:17Well, what do you care, Walter? Those rich fucks.
00:28:20This whole fucking thing.
00:28:22I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck
00:28:25so that this fucking strumpet,
00:28:27this fucking whore, could waltz around...
00:28:28I don't see any connection with Vietnam, man.
00:28:31Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.
00:28:33No, Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.
00:28:35Your roll. Have it your way.
00:28:36Your roll. But my point is...
00:28:38My point is... Are you ready to be fucked, man?
00:28:42I see you rolled your way into the semis.
00:28:46Dios mío, man.
00:28:48Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.
00:28:52Yeah? Well, you know, that's just like your opinion, man.
00:28:59Let me tell you something, pendejo.
00:29:02You pull any of your crazy shit with us,
00:29:04you flash a piece out on the lanes,
00:29:07I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass
00:29:10and pull the fucking trigger till it goes click.
00:29:17You said it, man.
00:29:18Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
00:29:27Eight-year-olds, Dude.
00:31:33They called about 80 minutes ago.
00:31:34They want you to take the money, drive north on the 405.
00:31:37They will call you on the portable phone
00:31:38with instructions in about 40 minutes.
00:31:41One person only.
00:31:42They were very clear on that, or I'd go with you. One person only.
00:31:44What happened to your jaw? Oh, nothing, man.
00:31:49Here's the money.
00:31:51And the phone.
00:31:53Please, Dude, follow whatever instructions they give.
00:31:56All right. Her life is in your hands.
00:31:59Man, don't say that.
00:32:01Mr. Lebowski asked me to repeat that, her life is in your hands.
00:32:03Oh, shit, man.
00:32:05Her life is in your hands, Dude.
00:32:07Report back to us as soon as it's done.
00:32:19Where the fuck are you going, man? Take the ringer, I'll drive.
00:32:24The what? The ringer.
00:32:26The ringer, Dude.
00:32:35What the... Have they called yet?
00:32:37What the hell is this?
00:32:39My dirty undies, Dude. The laundry. The whites.
00:32:42Walter, I'm sure there's a reason you brought your dirty undies, man.
00:32:46That's right, Dude. The weight.
00:32:48The ringer cannot look empty.
00:32:49Walter, what the fuck are you thinking, man?
00:32:51You're right, Dude. I got to thinking.
00:32:53I got to thinking, why should we settle for a measly fucking 20 grand...
00:32:56We? What the fuck, "we"? You said you just wanted to come along.
00:32:59My point, Dude, is why should we settle for 20 grand
00:33:02when we can keep the entire million? Am I wrong?
00:33:05Yes, you're wrong. This isn't a fucking game, man.
00:33:08Oh, but it is a game. You said so yourself.
00:33:10She kidnapped herself. I said I thought...
00:33:19Dude, here. Who is this?
00:33:22Dude. The bagman, man. Where do you want us to go?
00:33:31Yeah, you know, me and the driver.
00:33:34I'm not handling the money, driving the car and talking on the phone all by my...
00:33:37Shut the fuck up!
00:33:39Dude, are you fucking this up? Who is that?
00:33:43That is the driver. I told you...
00:33:47Oh, shit! What the fuck's going on?
00:33:49Walter... What the fuck is going on?
00:33:51He hung up, man. You fucked it up. You fucked it up!
00:33:55Her life was in our hands, man. Easy, Dude.
00:33:58We're screwed now. We don't get shit. They're gonna kill her.
00:34:02We're fucked, Walter. Nothing is fucked, Dude.
00:34:05Come on. You're being very un-Dude.
00:34:07They'll call back. Look, she kidnapped...
00:34:11You see? Nothing's fucked here, Dude.
00:34:13Nothing is fucked. They're a bunch of fucking amateurs.
00:34:17Walter, will you just shut the fuck up?
00:34:20Don't say peep while I'm doing business here, man.
00:34:22Okay, Dude. Have it your way.
00:34:26But they're amateurs. Fuck.
00:34:31Okay, we proceed but only if there is no funny stuff.
00:34:35Yeah, yeah.
00:34:36So no funny stuff. Okay?
00:34:38Just tell me where the fuck you want us to go.
00:34:45That was the sign, man.
00:34:47So, all we gotta do is get her back.
00:34:51No one's in a position to complain.
00:34:53We keep the baksheesh. Yeah, terrific, Walter.
00:34:56But you haven't told me how we're gonna get her back. Where is she?
00:34:58That's the simple part, Dude.
00:35:00We make the hand-off, I grab one of them and beat it out of him. Huh?
00:35:06That's a great plan, Walter.
00:35:09That's fucking ingenious, if I understand it correctly.
00:35:11It's a Swiss fucking watch.
00:35:13That's right, Dude. The beauty of this is its simplicity.
00:35:16Once a plan gets too complex, everything can go wrong.
00:35:19If there's one thing I learned in Nam...
00:35:26You are coming to wooden bridge.
00:35:28When you cross the bridge,
00:35:29you throw the bag from the left window of the moving car.
00:35:33You're being watched.
00:35:35Fuck. What'd he say? Where's the hand-off?
00:35:38There is no fucking hand-off, man.
00:35:39At the wooden bridge we throw the money out of the car.
00:35:42We throw the money out of the moving car.
00:35:45We can't do that, Dude. That fucks up our plan.
00:35:48Well, call them up and explain it to them, Walter.
00:35:50Your plan is so fucking simple,
00:35:52I'm sure they'll fucking understand it.
00:35:53That's the beauty of it.
00:35:55Wooden bridge, huh? Throw them the money, Walter.
00:35:57We're not fucking around, man.
00:35:59Okay, Dude, the bridge is coming up. Give me the ringer, chop-chop.
00:36:01Fuck that. Walter, I love you,
00:36:03but sooner or later you're gonna have to face the fact you're a goddamn moron.
00:36:06Okay, Dude. No time to argue. Hey, man!
00:36:08Here's the bridge. Hey, Walter! Hey, Walter!
00:36:11Hey, Walter! Here goes the ringer!
00:36:15What the fuck? Okay, Dude, you're wheel.
00:36:17Hey, man, what the fuck? At 15 mph, I roll out.
00:36:19I double back, grab one of them and beat it out of him.
00:36:21The Uzi. Uzi.
00:36:23You didn't think I was rolling out of here naked, did you?
00:36:25Walter, please! Fifteen, Dude! This is it! Let's take that hill!
00:36:52We have it!
00:37:13Fuck it, Dude.
00:37:16Let's go bowling.
00:37:56Aitz chaim he, Dude, as the ex used to say.
00:37:59What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
00:38:01What the fuck are we gonna tell Lebowski?
00:38:04Oh, him.
00:38:06I don't know. What exactly is the problem?
00:38:09The problem is...
00:38:12What do you mean, what's the...
00:38:14There was no...
00:38:17We didn't...
00:38:19They're gonna kill that poor woman, man!
00:38:22What the fuck are you talking about?
00:38:24The poor woman, that poor slut kidnapped herself.
00:38:26Come on, Dude. You said so yourself.
00:38:28Man, I said I thought she kidnapped herself.
00:38:30You're the one who's so fucking certain.
00:38:32That's right, Dude. 100% certain.
00:38:34They posted the next round for the tournament.
00:38:36Donny, shut the fuck...
00:38:37When do we play? This Saturday. Quintana and...
00:38:39Saturday? Well, they'll have to reschedule.
00:38:41Walter, what am I gonna tell Lebowski?
00:38:44I told that fuck down at the league office. Who's in charge of scheduling?
00:38:47Walter! Burkhalter.
00:38:49I told that kraut a fucking thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos!
00:38:52Walter! They already posted it.
00:38:53Well, they can fucking un-post it!
00:38:55Who gives a shit? They're gonna kill that poor woman, man!
00:38:58What am I gonna tell Lebowski? Come on, Dude.
00:39:01Eventually she'll get tired of her little game and, you know, wander on back.
00:39:04How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?
00:39:05I'm shomer shabbos.
00:39:07What's that, Walter? Yeah, and in the meantime,
00:39:09what do I tell Lebowski?
00:39:10Saturday, Donny, is shabbos, the Jewish day of rest.
00:39:12That means I don't work, I don't drive a car,
00:39:15I don't fucking ride in a car,
00:39:17I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven
00:39:18and I sure as shit don't fucking roll!
00:39:23Shomer shabbos!
00:39:26Walter, how am I gonna... Shomer fucking shabbos!
00:39:29Oh, fuck! That's it. I'm out of here. Oh, come on, Dude.
00:39:34Dude! Dude!
00:39:38You just tell him...
00:39:40Tell him we made the drop and everything went, you know...
00:39:42Oh, yeah. How'd it go?
00:39:43Went all right. Dude's car got a little dinged up.
00:39:45Walter, we didn't make the fucking hand-off, man!
00:39:48They didn't get the fucking money!
00:39:50And they're gonna... They're gonna...
00:39:51They're gonna kill that poor woman.
00:39:53They're gonna kill that poor woman!
00:39:56Walter, if you can't ride in a car,
00:39:57then how do you get around on shabbos?
00:39:59Really, Dude, you surprise me.
00:40:01They're not gonna kill shit.
00:40:02They're not gonna do shit.
00:40:03What can they do to her? Bunch of fucking amateurs.
00:40:05And meanwhile, look at the bottom line.
00:40:07Who's sitting on a million fucking dollars?
00:40:09Am I wrong? Walter.
00:40:11Who's got a fucking million fucking dollars sitting in the trunk of our car?
00:40:14Our car, Walter? And what do they got? My dirty undies.
00:40:17My fucking whites!
00:40:25Say, Dude?
00:40:27Where is your car?
00:40:29Who's got your undies, Walter? Where's your car, Dude?
00:40:32You don't know, Walter?
00:40:35It was parked in a handicap zone. Perhaps they towed it.
00:40:39You fucking know it's been stolen.
00:40:42Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude.
00:40:47Oh, fuck it.
00:40:51Where you going, Dude? I'm going home, Donny.
00:40:54Phone's ringing, Dude. Thank you, Donny!
00:41:15Green with some brown, rust coloration.
00:41:22And was there anything of value in the car?
00:41:25Oh, yeah.
00:41:28A tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a...
00:41:35My briefcase.
00:41:39In the briefcase?
00:41:45Just papers.
00:41:47You know, my papers, business papers.
00:41:52And what do you do, sir? I'm unemployed.
00:41:59My rug was also stolen.
00:42:02Your rug was in the car?
00:42:04No. Here.
00:42:07Separate incidents.
00:42:10The Dude is not in.
00:42:12Do you find them much, these stolen cars?
00:42:18Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though.
00:42:21Or the Creedence.
00:42:23What about the briefcase?
00:42:27Mr. Lebowski, I'd like to see you.
00:42:29Call when you get home and I'll send a car for you.
00:42:31My name is Maude Lebowski. I'm the one who took your rug.
00:42:34Well, guess we can close the file on that one.
00:43:29I'll be with you in a moment, Mr. Lebowski.
00:43:50Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
00:43:54Is that what this is a picture of? In a sense, yes.
00:43:58My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal,
00:44:01which bothers some men.
00:44:02The word itself makes some men uncomfortable.
00:44:05Vagina. Oh, yeah?
00:44:07Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say,
00:44:10whereas without batting an eye,
00:44:11a man will refer to his dick, or his rod or his johnson.
00:44:18All right, Mr. Lebowski, let's get down to cases.
00:44:21My father told me he agreed to let you have the rug,
00:44:23but as it was a gift from me to my late mother, it was not his to give.
00:44:27Now, your face.
00:44:30As for this kidnapping.
00:44:34Yes, I know all about it, and I know that you acted as courier.
00:44:37Let me tell you something. The whole thing stinks to high heaven.
00:44:40Yeah, right, but let me explain something about the rug.
00:44:45Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?
00:44:48Excuse me? Sex, the physical act of love. Coitus.
00:44:51Do you like it? I was talking about my rug.
00:44:55You're not interested in sex?
00:44:57You mean coitus? I like it, too.
00:45:00It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex.
00:45:02It can be a natural, zesty enterprise.
00:45:04However, there are some people,
00:45:06it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women,
00:45:09who engage in it compulsively and without joy.
00:45:12Oh, no. Oh, yes, Mr. Lebowski.
00:45:15These unfortunate souls cannot love, in the true sense of the word.
00:45:19Our mutual acquaintance, Bunny, is one of these.
00:45:23Listen, Maude,
00:45:25I'm sorry if your stepmother is a nympho,
00:45:28but, you know, I don't see what this has to do with...
00:45:32You have any Kahlua? Take a look at this, sir.
00:45:38Oh, I know that guy.
00:45:42He's a nihilist.
00:45:45"Karl Hungus. "
00:46:01Hi. Hello.
00:46:02Mein dispatcher says there is something wrong with dein Kabel.
00:46:05Yeah. Come on in.
00:46:07I'm not really sure exactly what's really wrong with the cable.
00:46:09That's why they sent me. I am an expert.
00:46:12The TV's in here.
00:46:13You recognize her, of course. Helga, bring my tools.
00:46:19That's my friend Sherry.
00:46:21She just came over to use the shower.
00:46:23The story is ludicrous.
00:46:25My name is Karl. Ich bin expert.
00:46:28You must be here to fix the cable.
00:46:31Lord, you can imagine where it goes from here.
00:46:34He fixes the cable?
00:46:35Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
00:46:37Little matter to me that this woman chose to pursue a career in pornography,
00:46:41nor that she has been banging Jackie Treehorn,
00:46:43to use the parlance of our times.
00:46:45However, I am one of the two trustees of the Lebowski Foundation,
00:46:49the other being my father.
00:46:51The foundation takes youngsters from Watts and...
00:46:53Shit, yeah. The achievers.
00:46:54Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, yes, and proud we are of all of them.
00:46:58I asked my father about his withdrawal of $1 million from the foundation account,
00:47:02and he told me about this abduction,
00:47:04but I tell you it is preposterous.
00:47:06This compulsive fornicator is taking my father for the proverbial ride.
00:47:10Yeah, but my... I'm getting to your rug.
00:47:12My father and I don't get along.
00:47:14He doesn't approve of my lifestyle and,
00:47:15needless to say, I don't approve of his.
00:47:17However, I hardly wish to make my father's embezzlement a police matter.
00:47:21So I'm proposing that you try to recover the money
00:47:24from the people you delivered it to.
00:47:26Well, I could do that.
00:47:29If you successfully do so,
00:47:31I will compensate you to the tune of 10% of the recovered sum.
00:47:36A hundred... Thousand. Yes.
00:47:38Bones or clams or whatever you call them.
00:47:41Yeah, but what about my... Your rug, yes.
00:47:46Well, with that money you can buy any number of rugs
00:47:48that don't have sentimental value for me.
00:47:51And I am sorry about that crack on the jaw.
00:47:54Oh, that's fine. That doesn't even...
00:47:56Here's the name and number of a doctor who will look at it for you.
00:47:59You will receive no bill.
00:48:00He's a good man and thorough.
00:48:02That's thoughtful but...
00:48:04Please see him, Jeffrey. He's a good man and thorough.
00:48:09Oh, well, all right.
00:48:12So he says, "My wife's a pain in the ass.
00:48:14"She's always busting my frigging agates.
00:48:16"My daughter's married to a loser bastard.
00:48:20"I got a rash so bad on my ass I can't even sit down.
00:48:24"But you know me, I can't complain. "
00:48:28I got a rash, man. Fucking A.
00:48:32I gotta tell you, Tone, man,
00:48:34earlier today I was really feeling shitty, man.
00:48:37Really down in the dumps.
00:48:39Lost a little money...
00:48:41Hey, you know what? Forget about it, huh? Forget about it.
00:48:44Yeah, fuck it, man.
00:48:46You can't be worried about that shit. Life goes on, man.
00:48:49Well, home, sweet home, Mr. L.
00:48:54Hey, yo. Come here.
00:48:56Who's your friend in the Volkswagen? Huh?
00:49:01Yeah. He followed us here.
00:49:03When did he start... Whoa! What the fuck?
00:49:06Get in the limo, you son of a bitch! No arguments!
00:49:08Hey! Hey! Careful, man! There's a beverage here!
00:49:13Start talking, and talk fast, you lousy bum.
00:49:15We've been frantically trying to reach you, Dude.
00:49:17Where is my goddamn money, you bum?
00:49:21Well, we... I don't...
00:49:24They did not receive the money, you nitwit!
00:49:27They did not receive the money!
00:49:28Her life was in your hands!
00:49:31This is our concern, Dude.
00:49:32No, man. Nothing is fucked here.
00:49:34Nothing is fucked? No, man.
00:49:36The goddamn plane has crashed into the mountain!
00:49:40Man, come on. Who are you gonna believe, those guys or...
00:49:45We dropped off the damn money.
00:49:49I, the royal we.
00:49:52You know. The editorial...
00:49:53I dropped off the money exactly as per...
00:49:56Look, man, I've got certain information. All right?
00:49:59Certain things have come to light and...
00:50:02You know, has it ever occurred to you
00:50:05that instead of, you know, running around, blaming me...
00:50:10You know, given the nature of all this new shit,
00:50:13you know, this could be a lot more complex...
00:50:18I mean, it's not just... It might not be just such a simple... You know?
00:50:24What in God's holy name are you blathering about?
00:50:27Well, I'll tell you what I'm blathering about.
00:50:30I've got information, man.
00:50:32New shit has come to light.
00:50:33And, shit, man,
00:50:37she kidnapped herself.
00:50:42Well, sure, man. Look at it. You know?
00:50:45A young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times, you know.
00:50:49She owes money all over town, including to known pornographers.
00:50:56And that's cool. That's cool.
00:50:59I'm saying she needs money, man.
00:51:03And, you know, of course they're gonna say they didn't get it
00:51:08because she wants more, man.
00:51:11She's gotta feed the monkey. I mean...
00:51:16Hasn't that ever occurred to you, man?
00:51:22No, Mr. Lebowski, it had not occurred to me.
00:51:26That had not occurred to us, Dude.
00:51:28Well, okay, you know?
00:51:30You guys aren't privy to all the new shit, so, you know...
00:51:34But, hey, that's what you... That's what you pay me for.
00:51:40Speaking of which,
00:51:41do you think that you could give me my $20,000 in cash?
00:51:46My concern is, and I've gotta check it with my accountant,
00:51:49that this might bump me up into a higher tax...
00:51:52Brandt, give him the envelope.
00:51:55Oh, well, if you've already got the check made out, that's cool.
00:51:59We received this this morning.
00:52:03Since you have failed to achieve,
00:52:07even in the modest task which was your charge,
00:52:10since you have stolen my money,
00:52:14since you have unrepentantly betrayed my trust,
00:52:18I have no choice but to tell these bums
00:52:22to do whatever is necessary
00:52:24to recover their money from you, Jeffrey Lebowski.
00:52:29And with Brandt as my witness, I will tell you this,
00:52:33any further harm visited upon Bunny
00:52:37will be visited tenfold upon your head.
00:52:43By God, sir,
00:52:45I will not abide another toe.
00:52:48I hear the cottonwoods whispering above
00:52:54That wasn't her toe, Dude.
00:52:58Whose toe was it, Walter? How the fuck should I know?
00:53:01I do know that nothing about it indicates... The nail polish, Walter.
00:53:04Fine, Dude.
00:53:06As if it's impossible to get some nail polish, apply it to someone else's toe...
00:53:10Someone else... Pinking shears.
00:53:11Where the fuck are they gonna get...
00:53:13You want a toe? I can get you a toe.
00:53:15Believe me, there are ways, Dude.
00:53:17You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Yeah, but, Walter...
00:53:20Hell, I could get you a toe by 3:00 this afternoon with nail polish.
00:53:23These fucking amateurs. Walter...
00:53:25They send us a toe, we're supposed to shit ourselves with fear.
00:53:28Jesus Christ! Walter...
00:53:30The point is... They're gonna kill her, Walter,
00:53:32and then they're gonna kill me.
00:53:34Dude, that's...
00:53:38That's just the stress talking, man.
00:53:40Now, so far we have what appears to me to be a series of victimless crimes.
00:53:45What about the toe? Forget about the fucking toe!
00:53:48Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down?
00:53:51This is a family restaurant.
00:53:53Oh, please! Dear, for your information,
00:53:55the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.
00:53:58Come on. Walter, this is not a First Amendment thing, man.
00:54:00Sir, if you don't calm down, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
00:54:04Lady, I got buddies who died face down in the muck
00:54:07so that you and I can enjoy this family restaurant!
00:54:10All right, I'm out of here. Hey, Dude, don't go away, man.
00:54:13Come on. This affects all of us, man! It's our basic freedoms!
00:54:22I'm staying.
00:54:26I'm finishing my coffee.
00:54:32Enjoying my coffee.
00:54:50The Dude is not in.
00:54:53Leave a message after the beep. It takes a minute.
00:54:57Mr. Lebowski, this is Duty Officer Rolvaag of the LAPD.
00:55:00We've recovered your automobile.
00:55:02It can be claimed at the North Hollywood Auto Circus there on Victory.
00:55:05Their hours there are...
00:55:07Far out, man. Far fucking out!
00:55:19Hey! This is a private residence, man.
00:55:30Oh, nice marmot.
00:55:42Where is the money, Lebowski? We wants the money, Lebowski!
00:55:52You think we are kidding or making with the funny stuff?
00:55:55We could do things you haven't dreamed of, Lebowski.
00:55:58Ja, we believes in nothing. We believes in nothing, Lebowski. Nothing!
00:56:02And tomorrow we come back and we cut off your johnson.
00:56:05Excuse me? I said, we cut off your johnson!
00:56:09Just think about that, Lebowski.
00:56:11Your wiggly penis, Lebowski.
00:56:13Ja. Maybe we stomp on it and squish it.
00:56:24It was discovered last night in Van Nuys lodged against an abutment.
00:56:29Oh, man. Lodged where?
00:56:31You're lucky she didn't get chopped, Mr. Lebowski.
00:56:33Oh, man! Must've been a joyride situation.
00:56:36They abandoned the vehicle once they hit the retaining wall.
00:56:38Oh, my fucking briefcase, man! It's not here! Shit!
00:56:42Yeah, I saw that on the report. Sorry.
00:56:43You gotta get in on the other side.
00:56:47The side view was found on the road by the car.
00:56:51You're lucky they left the tape deck though, and the Creedence.
00:56:56Oh, Jesus! What's that smell, man?
00:56:58Yeah. It's probably a vagrant slept in the car.
00:57:01Or maybe just used it as a toilet and moved on.
00:57:04Hey, man,
00:57:07are you gonna find these guys?
00:57:09Or, you know, I mean... You got any promising leads or...
00:57:15Yeah. Sure.
00:57:17I'll just check with the boys down at the crime lab.
00:57:20They got four more detectives working on the case.
00:57:24They got us working in shifts!
00:57:33My only hope is that the big Lebowski kills me
00:57:36before the Germans can cut my dick off.
00:57:39Now, that is just ridiculous, Dude.
00:57:40No one's going to cut your dick off.
00:57:42Thank you, Walter. Not if I have anything to say about it.
00:57:45Thank you, Walter.
00:57:46That makes me feel very secure. Dude?
00:57:48That makes me feel very warm inside, man. Dude?
00:57:51This whole fucking thing.
00:57:54I could be sitting here with just pee stains on my rug.
00:57:57But no, man, I got a, you know... Yeah. Fucking Germans.
00:58:01Nothing changes.
00:58:03Fucking Nazis. They were Nazis, Dude?
00:58:06Oh, come on, Donny. They were threatening castration!
00:58:09Uh-huh. Are we gonna split hairs here?
00:58:11No. Am I wrong?
00:58:12Well, he didn't... Man, they were nihilists, man.
00:58:16They kept saying they believed in nothing.
00:58:21Fuck me.
00:58:24I mean, say what you want about the tenets of national socialism, Dude.
00:58:28At least it's an ethos. Yeah.
00:58:30And, also, let's not forget... Let's not forget, Dude,
00:58:33that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent,
00:58:36for, you know, domestic...
00:58:40Within the city...
00:58:42That ain't legal, either. What are you, a fucking park ranger now?
00:58:45No! I'm just trying to...
00:58:47Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot?
00:58:50We are sympathizing here, Dude. Fuck sympathy.
00:58:53I don't need your fucking sympathy, man. I need my fucking johnson.
00:58:58What do you need that for, Dude? You have got to buck up, man!
00:59:01You cannot drag this negative energy into the tournament.
00:59:04Fuck the tournament. Fuck you, Walter.
00:59:10Fuck the tournament?
00:59:12Okay, Dude. I can see you don't want to be cheered up here.
00:59:15Come on, Donny. Let's go get us a lane.
00:59:22Another Caucasian, Gary. Right, Dude.
00:59:27Friends like these, huh, Gary? That's right, Dude.
00:59:55You got a good sarsaparilla? Sioux City Sarsaparilla?
00:59:59Yeah. That's a good one.
01:00:04How're you doing there, Dude?
01:00:06Not too good, man.
01:00:09One of those days, huh? Yeah.
01:00:13Well, a wiser fellow than myself once said,
01:00:18"Sometimes you eat the bear and... "
01:00:21Much obliged.
01:00:23"Sometimes the bear, well, he eats you. "
01:00:29That some kind of Eastern thing?
01:00:31Far from it.
01:00:40I like your style, Dude.
01:00:43Oh, well, I dig your style, too, man.
01:00:47Got a whole cowboy thing going.
01:00:54Thank you.
01:00:55There's just one thing, Dude.
01:00:57What's that?
01:00:59Do you have to use so many cuss words?
01:01:05What the fuck are you talking about?
01:01:09Okay, Dude. Have it your way.
01:01:13Take her easy, Dude.
01:01:16Yeah. Thanks, man.
01:01:23Call for you, Dude.
01:01:29Hello? Jeffrey, you have not gone to the doctor.
01:01:33Oh, yeah, no. No, I haven't yet.
01:01:36I'd like to see you immediately.
01:01:53So, you're Lebowski. Yeah.
01:01:59Maude has told me all about you.
01:02:01She'll be back in a minute. Sit down.
01:02:04Do you want a drink? Yeah, sure. White Russian.
01:02:08The bar's over there.
01:02:15So, what do you do, Lebowski? Who the fuck are you, man?
01:02:20Just a friend of Maudie's. Yeah? The friend with the cleft asshole?
01:02:27What do you do? Oh, nothing much.
01:02:31Hello, Jeffrey. Hello.
01:02:33Yeah. How are you? Listen, Maude.
01:02:37I got to
01:02:41tender my resignation or whatever
01:02:43because looks like your mother really was kidnapped after all.
01:02:48She most certainly was not.
01:02:50Hey, man, why don't you fucking listen occasionally?
01:02:55You might learn something. Now, I got...
01:02:58Please don't call her my mother.
01:03:01She's most definitely the perpetrator and not the victim.
01:03:04I'm telling you, I've got pretty definitive evidence.
01:03:07From who? From the main guy, Uli.
01:03:10Uli Kunkel? Her costar in the beaver picture?
01:03:15You mean vagina? I mean, you know the guy?
01:03:18I might have introduced them, for all I know.
01:03:21Do you remember Uli?
01:03:23He's a musician. Used to have a group, Autobahn.
01:03:26Look in my LP's. They released one album in the late '70s.
01:03:31Their music is sort of a techno pop.
01:03:34So he's pretending to be the abductor? Well, yeah.
01:03:37Look, Jeffrey, you don't really kidnap someone you're acquainted with.
01:03:41The whole idea is that the hostage can't identify you after you've let them go.
01:03:45Well, I know that.
01:03:51What the fuck is with this guy? Who is he?
01:03:54Knox Harrington, the video artist.
01:03:57So, Uli has the money.
01:04:00Well, no, not exactly.
01:04:05This is a very complicated case, Maude.
01:04:09a lot of what-have-yous
01:04:10and a lot of strands to keep in my head, man.
01:04:13You know, a lot of strands in the old Duder's head.
01:04:17If Uli doesn't have it, then who does?
01:04:19It's Sandra about the Biennale.
01:04:21Look. I have to take this. Do you still have that doctor's number?
01:04:24No, really, it's not even bruised anymore. Oh, please, Jeffrey.
01:04:28I don't want to be responsible for any delayed aftereffects.
01:05:04Could you slide your shorts down, Mr. Lebowski, please?
01:05:09No, no, man. She hit me right here.
01:05:11I understand. Could you slide your shorts down, please?
01:07:48He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-N-Out Burger.
01:07:51No, the In-N-Out Burger's on Camrose.
01:07:53Near the In-N-Out Burger. Those are good burgers, Walter.
01:07:56Shut the fuck up, Donny. The kid is in the ninth grade, Dude.
01:07:59And his father is... Are you ready for this?
01:08:02His father is Arthur Digby Sellers.
01:08:05Who the fuck is that?
01:08:07Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers? Who the...
01:08:10Have you ever heard of a little show called Branded, Dude?
01:08:12Yes, yes, I...
01:08:13"All but one man died there at Bitter Creek. "
01:08:16I know the fucking show, Walter. So what?
01:08:18Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers wrote 156 episodes, Dude.
01:08:22The bulk of the series.
01:08:25Not exactly a lightweight. No.
01:08:28And yet his son is a fucking dunce.
01:08:31Anyway, we'll go there after the what-have-you.
01:08:34We'll brace the kid. Should be a pushover.
01:08:36We'll be near the In-N-Out Burger.
01:08:37Shut the fuck up, Donny!
01:08:41We'll go out there, we'll brace the kid. He should be a pushover.
01:08:44We'll get that fucking million dollars back,
01:08:46if he hasn't spent it already.
01:08:48A million fucking clams.
01:08:50And, yes, we'll be near the... In-N-Out.
01:08:55Shh! Shh! Some burgers, some beers. A few laughs.
01:09:01Our fucking troubles are over, Dude.
01:09:15Oh, fuck me, man.
01:09:19That kid's already spent all the money, man.
01:09:21New Vette? Hardly, Dude.
01:09:24I'd say he still has $960,000, $970,000 left, depending on the options.
01:09:30Wait in the car, Donny.
01:09:35Yes? Pilar?
01:09:38My name is Walter Sobchak. This is my associate, Jeffrey Lebowski.
01:09:44We came to talk about little Larry.
01:09:46May we come in? Yes, yes.
01:09:48Thank you.
01:09:54That's him, Dude.
01:10:03And a good day to you, sir!
01:10:06Sit down, please.
01:10:13Larry, sweetie, the man is here!
01:10:16Is he... Does he still write?
01:10:19Oh, no, no. He has health problems.
01:10:25Sir, I just want to say
01:10:28that we're both, on a personal level,
01:10:32really enormous fans.
01:10:34Branded, especially the early episodes,
01:10:37was truly a source of inspiration.
01:10:40Sweetie, sit down. This man is the police.
01:10:43Oh, no, ma'am. We didn't want to give the impression that we were police, exactly.
01:10:46We're hoping it won't be necessary to call the police.
01:10:49But that's up to little Larry here.
01:10:52Isn't it, Larry?
01:11:04Is this your homework, Larry?
01:11:08Is this your homework, Larry? Look, man, it...
01:11:10Dude. Please? Is this your homework, Larry?
01:11:13Just ask him about the car, man.
01:11:15Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
01:11:17Is that your car out front?
01:11:19Is this your homework, Larry? We know it's his fucking homework!
01:11:22Where's the fucking money, you little brat?
01:11:24Look, Larry, have you ever heard of Vietnam?
01:11:27For Christ's sake, Walter. You are entering a world of pain, son.
01:11:29We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole the car.
01:11:32And the fucking money. And the fucking money!
01:11:35And we know that this is your homework!
01:11:37We're gonna cut your dick off, Larry.
01:11:38You're killing your father, Larry.
01:11:43All right. This is pointless.
01:11:46Okay, time for Plan B.
01:11:51You might want to watch out that front window, Larry.
01:11:56Son, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
01:12:01A little language problem here.
01:12:03Little prick's stonewalling me.
01:12:08What are you doing, man?
01:12:13What are you doing?
01:12:16Here you go, Larry.
01:12:18You see what happens?
01:12:20You see what happens, Larry?
01:12:23You see what happens? Oh, great.
01:12:24This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, Larry.
01:12:31This is what happens, Larry.
01:12:33You see what happens, Larry?
01:12:35You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?
01:12:37This is what happens!
01:12:42You see what happens, Larry?
01:12:44Do you see what happens, Larry, when you fuck a stranger in the ass?
01:12:49This is what happens, Larry!
01:12:53My car! My baby! This is what happens, Larry!
01:12:55This is what happens when you fuck a stranger...
01:12:57What the fuck are you doing, man? Stop it!
01:13:00Hey, man. I just bought that fucking car last week!
01:13:03Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm sorry! I'm gonna fucking kill you!
01:13:06I just bought the fucking car last week! Come on, man.
01:13:09I'll kill your fucking car, man!
01:13:11No, no. Hey, hey, that's not his! Hey!
01:13:13God damn it! Whoa! Oh, no!
01:13:16Fuck you! Man. No.
01:13:18You like that? Fuck you!
01:13:20I'll kill your fucking car! No. No, no. No.
01:13:24I'll kill your fucking car!
01:13:47I accept your apology.
01:13:50No, I just want to handle it by myself from now on.
01:13:55No. No. No!
01:13:57That has nothing to do with it.
01:14:00Yes, the car made it home. You're calling me at home.
01:14:05No, Walter, it did not look like Larry was about to crack!
01:14:12Well, that's your perception.
01:14:16You know, Walter, you're right.
01:14:18There is an unspoken message here.
01:14:20It's, "Fuck you! Leave me the fuck alone!"
01:14:26Yeah, I'll be at practice.
01:14:45Pin your diapers on, Lebowski.
01:14:47Jackie Treehorn wants to see you.
01:14:49Jackie Treehorn knows which Lebowski you are, Lebowski.
01:14:52Jackie Treehorn wants to see the deadbeat Lebowski.
01:14:55You're not dealing with morons here.
01:15:45Hello, Dude. Thanks for coming.
01:15:48I'm Jackie Treehorn.
01:15:52This is quite a pad you got here, man.
01:15:55Completely unspoiled.
01:15:57What's your drink, Dude? A White Russian. Thanks.
01:16:01White Russian.
01:16:03How's the smut business, Jackie? I wouldn't know, Dude.
01:16:07I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy.
01:16:13Which one's Logjammin'? Yes, regrettably, it's true.
01:16:16Standards have fallen in adult entertainment.
01:16:19It's video, Dude.
01:16:22Now that we're competing with those amateurs,
01:16:23we can't afford to invest in little extras like story,
01:16:28production value, feelings.
01:16:33You know, people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone.
01:16:38On you maybe.
01:16:40Of course, you have to take the good with the bad.
01:16:42New technology permits us to do very exciting things
01:16:45in interactive erotic software.
01:16:48Wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic.
01:16:53Well, I still jerk off manually.
01:16:58Of course you do. I can see you're anxious for me to get to the point.
01:17:03Well, here it is, Dude.
01:17:05Where's Bunny?
01:17:07Well, I thought you might know that, man. Why would I?
01:17:10She only ran off to get away from that rather sizable debt to me.
01:17:14No, she didn't run off. She's been...
01:17:17I heard that kidnapping story, so save it.
01:17:19I know you're mixed up in all this, Dude.
01:17:22And I don't care what you're trying to get from the husband.
01:17:26That's your business.
01:17:27All I'm saying is I want mine.
01:17:31Yeah, right, man.
01:17:32I mean, there are a lot of facets to this,
01:17:36a lot of interested parties.
01:17:39Excuse me.
01:17:48Oh, yeah?
01:17:49Where is that?
01:17:54All right. Yeah.
01:17:59Excuse me.
01:18:36Forgive me. No problemo, man.
01:18:40So, if I can find your money,
01:18:46what's in it for the Dude?
01:18:48Well, of course, there's that to discuss. You want a refill?
01:18:51Yeah, does the pope shit in the woods? 10% finder's fee.
01:18:55That all right? Okay. Done, Jackie.
01:18:59I dig the way you do business, man.
01:19:01Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers.
01:19:05He lives in North Hollywood on Radford,
01:19:09by the In-N-Out Burger.
01:19:12Fucking brat.
01:19:13But I'm sure your goons can get it off him. I mean, he's 15.
01:19:19Flunking social studies.
01:19:25So, if you could just
01:19:28write me a check for my 10% of half a million,
01:19:325 grand, I'll go out and mingle.
01:19:40You mix a hell of a Caucasian, Jackie.
01:19:44Fifteen-year-old kid.
01:19:46Is this some sort of a joke? No. No joke.
01:19:52No funny stuff, Jackie. The kid's got it.
01:19:55Hi, fellas.
01:19:59Kid just wanted a car.
01:20:04All the Dude ever wanted was his rug back.
01:20:08Not greedy.
01:20:11It really
01:20:14tied the room together.
01:20:19Darkness washed over the Dude.
01:20:22Darker than a black steer's tokus on a moonless prairie night.
01:20:27There was no bottom.
01:24:39Is this your only ID?
01:24:41I know my rights, man.
01:24:46You don't know shit, Lebowski.
01:24:47I want a fucking lawyer, man.
01:24:50I want Bill Kunstler, man,
01:24:56or Ron Kuby.
01:24:58Mr. Treehorn tells us that he had to eject you
01:25:01from his garden party,
01:25:03that you were drunk and abusive.
01:25:05Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.
01:25:11Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town.
01:25:14You don't draw shit, Lebowski.
01:25:17Now, we got a nice quiet little beach community here,
01:25:19and I aim to keep it nice and quiet.
01:25:22So let me make something plain.
01:25:25I don't like you sucking around bothering our citizens, Lebowski.
01:25:30I don't like your jerk-off name.
01:25:32I don't like your jerk-off face.
01:25:33I don't like your jerk-off behavior.
01:25:35And I don't like you, jerk-off.
01:25:42Do I make myself clear?
01:25:47I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.
01:25:51Fucking fascist!
01:25:55Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski.
01:25:58Stay out of Malibu, deadbeat!
01:26:01Keep your ugly, fucking, gold-bricking ass out of my beach community.
01:26:18Jesus, man. Could you change the channel?
01:26:21Fuck you, man! If you don't like my fucking music,
01:26:23get your own fucking cab!
01:26:25I had a really rough...
01:26:26I'll pull off to the side and kick your ass out.
01:26:28Man, come on. I had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles, man.
01:26:40Out of my fucking cab! Out! Man!
01:26:44Man! Man! Hey!
01:27:29Oh, Jesus!
01:27:54Maude? Love me.
01:27:58That's my robe.
01:28:02Tell me about yourself, Jeffrey.
01:28:04Well, not much to tell.
01:28:08I was one of the authors of the Port Huron Statement.
01:28:15The original Port Huron Statement. Uh-huh.
01:28:18Not the compromised second draft.
01:28:23Then I...
01:28:26You ever hear of the Seattle Seven?
01:28:29That was me.
01:28:33And there were six other guys.
01:28:37And then the music business, briefly.
01:28:41Oh? Yeah.
01:28:42Roadie for Metallica.
01:28:45Speed of Sound tour.
01:28:49Bunch of assholes.
01:28:52And then, you know, little of this, little of that.
01:28:57My career's slowed down a little lately.
01:29:00What do you do for recreation?
01:29:04Well, the usual.
01:29:05Bowl, drive around,
01:29:10the occasional acid flashback.
01:29:18What happened to your house?
01:29:20Oh, Jackie Treehorn trashed the place.
01:29:23He thought I had your father's money.
01:29:26He got me out of the way while he looked for it.
01:29:29Cocktail? No, thanks.
01:29:31It's not my father's money. It's the foundation's.
01:29:35Why did he think you have it? Who does?
01:29:38Oh, Larry Sellers, this high school kid. Real fucking brat.
01:29:43You know, this is a very complicated case, Maude.
01:29:47A lot of ins, a lot of outs.
01:29:49You know, fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, drug regimen
01:29:54to keep my mind, you know, limber,
01:29:56and I'm very fucking close to your father's money.
01:30:00I keep telling you, it's the foundation's money.
01:30:03Father doesn't have any.
01:30:06What are you talking about? He's fucking loaded.
01:30:08No, no. The wealth is all Mother's.
01:30:11No, he runs stuff.
01:30:13We did let him run one of the companies briefly,
01:30:15but he didn't do very well at it. Oh, he's, you know...
01:30:18No, he helps administer the charities now,
01:30:21and I give him a reasonable allowance.
01:30:23He has no money of his own.
01:30:25I know how he likes to present himself.
01:30:27Father's weakness is vanity, hence the slut.
01:30:33Do you think he...
01:30:36What is that, yoga?
01:30:37It increases the chances of conception.
01:30:42Increases... Well, yes.
01:30:45What did you think this was all about? Fun and games?
01:30:48I want a child.
01:30:50Okay, yeah, okay.
01:30:52But let me... Let me explain something about the Dude.
01:30:55Look, Jeffrey, I don't want a partner.
01:30:59In fact, I don't want the father to be someone I have to see socially
01:31:02or who will have any interest in raising the child himself.
01:31:07Oh. So, that doctor... Exactly.
01:31:11Now, what happened to your face?
01:31:15Did Jackie Treehorn do that as well?
01:31:17No, it was the chief of police of Malibu, a real reactionary.
01:31:23So, your father...
01:31:26Oh, yeah, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. What?
01:31:29Oh, man. My thinking about this case has become very uptight.
01:31:35Your father.
01:31:38Jeffrey, what are you talking about?
01:31:44Walter, if you're there, pick up the fucking phone, man.
01:31:47Come on, Walter.
01:31:49Pick it up, man. This is an emergency. Dude? Dude?
01:31:52Yeah. Listen, Walter. I'm at my place. I need you to come pick me up.
01:31:56I can't drive, Dude. It's Erev shabbos. What?
01:31:59Erev shabbos. What?
01:32:00Erev shabbos. I can't drive. Man!
01:32:03I'm not even supposed to pick up the phone unless it's an emergency.
01:32:06This is a fucking emergency! I understand.
01:32:10That's why I picked up the phone.
01:32:11Walter, you fuck. We gotta go to Pasadena, man.
01:32:15Come pick me up or I'm off the fucking bowling team.
01:32:32Get out of that fucking car, man!
01:32:36Get out of that fucking car!
01:32:38Get the fuck out of the car, man.
01:32:43Get out of the fucking...
01:32:45Who the fuck are you, man? Easy, man!
01:32:47Relax, man.
01:32:50No physical harm intended.
01:32:51Who the fuck are you? Why you following me around?
01:32:54Come on, fuckhead! Relax, man. I'm a brother shamus.
01:32:58Brother Shamus?
01:33:02Like an Irish monk?
01:33:03What the fuck are you talking about?
01:33:05My name is Da Fino. I'm a private snoop, like you, man.
01:33:11What? A dick, man.
01:33:13And let me tell you something, I dig your work.
01:33:16Playing one side against the other, in bed with everybody.
01:33:19Fabulous stuff, man. I'm not...
01:33:21Fuck it, man. Just stay away from my fucking lady friend.
01:33:24Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady.
01:33:27She's not my special lady. She's my fucking lady friend.
01:33:30I'm just helping her conceive, man! Hey, man. I'm not...
01:33:33Who are you working for? Lebowski?
01:33:35Jackie Treehorn?
01:33:38The Kneutsons.
01:33:41Who the fuck are the Kneutsons?
01:33:44The Kneutsons, it's a wandering daughter job.
01:33:49Bunny Lebowski, man.
01:33:52Her real name is Fawn Kneutson.
01:33:54Her parents want her back, see?
01:33:58Jesus fucking Christ.
01:34:00Crazy, huh? Ran away about a year ago.
01:34:03The Kneutsons told me I should show her this when I found her.
01:34:06It's the family farm. It's outside Moorhead, Minnesota.
01:34:10They think it'll make her homesick. Oh, boy.
01:34:13How are you gonna keep them down on the farm
01:34:15once they've seen Karl Hungus?
01:34:18She's been kidnapped, Da Fino. Oh, man.
01:34:20Or I don't know. Maybe not.
01:34:21But she's definitely not around.
01:34:23Hey, maybe you and me could pool our resources,
01:34:27trade information.
01:34:29Professional courtesy?
01:34:32Compeers. You know what I mean?
01:34:33Yeah, yeah, I get it. Fuck off, Da Fino.
01:34:36And stay away from my special...
01:34:38From my fucking lady friend, man!
01:34:43The lingonberry pancake.
01:34:50Lingonberry pancakes.
01:34:55Three pigs in blanket.
01:35:03She has lingonberry pancakes.
01:35:14I mean, we totally fucked it up, man. We fucked up his payoff.
01:35:17We got the kidnappers all pissed off.
01:35:20And Lebowski, you know, he yelled at me a lot,
01:35:22but he didn't do anything, huh?
01:35:24Well, sometimes it's a cathartic... No, no.
01:35:26I'm saying that if he knows I'm a fuckup,
01:35:29why does he leave me in charge of getting his wife back?
01:35:31Because he doesn't fucking want her back, man.
01:35:35He's had enough. He no longer digs her. It's all a show.
01:35:38Okay, but then why doesn't he give a shit about his million bucks?
01:35:42I mean, he knows we never handed off his briefcase,
01:35:45but he never asked for it back.
01:35:47The million bucks was never in the briefcase.
01:35:51The briefcase was fucking empty, man.
01:35:54The asshole was hoping that they would kill her.
01:35:57You threw out a ringer for a ringer.
01:36:00Okay, but how does all this add up to an emergency?
01:36:04I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude. He kept the money.
01:36:08My point is...
01:36:10Here we are, it's shabbos, the Sabbath,
01:36:13which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death.
01:36:17Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.
01:36:21What the fuck are you talking about?
01:36:22Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic!
01:36:24What the fuck are you talking about?
01:36:25I converted when I married Cynthia. Come on, Dude.
01:36:28Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know this.
01:36:30And five fucking years ago, you were divorced.
01:36:32So what are you saying? When you get divorced,
01:36:34you turn in your library card? You get a new license?
01:36:36You stop being Jewish? This is the driveway.
01:36:39Jewish as fucking Tevye. Man.
01:36:41You know, it's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing.
01:36:46Man, taking care of her fucking dog, going to her fucking synagogue.
01:36:50You're living in the fucking past.
01:36:51Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax.
01:36:55You're goddamn right I'm living in the fucking past!
01:36:58I've... Jesus.
01:37:01What the hell happened?
01:37:04So viva Las Vegas
01:37:08Viva Las Vegas
01:37:16Let's go. Fuck it.
01:37:23Where was she, man?
01:37:24Visiting friends of hers in Palm Springs.
01:37:26She just picked up and left, never bothered to tell us.
01:37:29Well, I guess the fucking nihilists knew where she was.
01:37:31Jesus, Dude. She never even kidnapped herself.
01:37:34Who is this gentleman, Dude? Who am I? I'm a fucking veteran.
01:37:37Come on! That's who I am.
01:37:38You shouldn't go in there, Dude. He's very angry.
01:37:43So, man.
01:37:45So? She's back, no thanks to you.
01:37:48Where's the fucking money, Lebowski?
01:37:51A million bucks from fucking, needy, little Urban Achievers!
01:37:54You are scum, man!
01:37:56Who the hell is he? Who am I? Who am I?
01:37:58Walter. I'm the guy that's gonna kick your phony,
01:38:00gold-bricking ass, that's who I am. Man.
01:38:01We know the briefcase was fucking empty.
01:38:03We know you kept the million bucks for yourself.
01:38:05You have your story, I have mine.
01:38:07I say I entrusted the money to you and you stole it.
01:38:10As if we would ever dream of taking your bullshit money!
01:38:14You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped,
01:38:16and you were fucking glad, man.
01:38:18You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear.
01:38:20All you needed was a sap to pin it on. You just met me.
01:38:23You... You human paraquat.
01:38:26You figured, "Oh, here's a loser, you know, a deadbeat.
01:38:30"Somebody this square community won't give a shit about. "
01:38:33Well, aren't you?
01:38:35Well, yeah, but... Get out, both of you.
01:38:39Look at that fucking phony, Dude, pretending to be a fucking millionaire.
01:38:43Out of this house now, you bums!
01:38:45Let me tell you something else.
01:38:47I've seen a lot of spinals, Dude, and this guy's a fake.
01:38:51A fucking gold-bricker. Stay away from me, mister!
01:38:54This guy fucking walks.
01:38:56I've never been more certain of anything in my life.
01:38:59You stay away from me!
01:39:00Walter, for Christ's sake, man! He's a cripple.
01:39:02I said! Get away from me! Come on. Come on.
01:39:08Yeah, I'll put him down, Dude. Walk! Achtung, baby!
01:39:29Come on, man. Help me put him back in his chair.
01:39:36At least they had the fucking decency to tell us
01:39:38that we were fighting the communists.
01:39:43Whereas this whole fucking thing, this whole fucking thing
01:39:46is nothing about nothing, about oil,
01:39:49which is what I personally hear, Dude.
01:39:52Sure you'll see some tank battles,
01:39:54but fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy jungle.
01:39:59I mean, Nam was a foot soldier's war, whereas this thing should...
01:40:03You know, should be a piece of cake.
01:40:05I mean, I had an M16, Jacko, not an Abrams fucking tank.
01:40:09Me and Charlie, eyeball to eyeball. Yeah.
01:40:12That's fucking combat.
01:40:15The man in the black pajamas, Dude.
01:40:18Worthy fucking adversary.
01:40:20Who's in pajamas, Walter? Shut the fuck up, Donny.
01:40:23Whereas what we have here,
01:40:25a bunch of fig eaters wearing towels on their head,
01:40:28trying to find reverse on a Soviet tank.
01:40:31This is not a worthy fucking adversary.
01:40:33Hey! What's this day-of-rest shit?
01:40:35What's this bullshit?
01:40:37I don't fucking care! It don't matter to Jesus.
01:40:40But you not fooling me, man.
01:40:41You might fool the fucks in the league office
01:40:44but you don't fool Jesus.
01:40:47It's Bush league psych-out stuff.
01:40:50Laughable, man!
01:40:52I would've fucked you in the ass Saturday.
01:40:56I'll fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead.
01:41:00You got a date Wednesday, baby!
01:41:08He's cracking.
01:41:09...the whole concept of age.
01:41:11I mean, many learned men have disputed this
01:41:13but in the 14th century, the Rambam...
01:41:26Well, they finally did it.
01:41:28They killed my fucking car.
01:41:30We want the money, Lebowski.
01:41:34Ja. Otherwise, we kill the girl.
01:41:37Ja. It seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
01:41:40You don't have the fucking girl, dipshit.
01:41:43We know you never did.
01:41:45Are these the Nazis, Walter?
01:41:47No, Donny. These men are nihilists.
01:41:49There's nothing to be afraid of.
01:41:52We don't care.
01:41:53We still want the money, Lebowski, or we fuck you up.
01:41:58Fuck you. Fuck the three of you. Cool it, Walter.
01:42:00No. Without a hostage, there is no ransom.
01:42:04That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.
01:42:08His girlfriend gave up her toe.
01:42:10She thought we could get $1 million.
01:42:13It's not fair. Fair?
01:42:15Who's the fucking nihilists around here, you bunch of fucking crybabies?
01:42:19Cool it, Walter. Hey, look, pal.
01:42:21There never was any money.
01:42:23The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase,
01:42:25so take it up with him, man.
01:42:27And I would like my undies back.
01:42:30Are these guys gonna hurt us, Walter?
01:42:31No, Donny. These men are cowards.
01:42:35So we takes the money you have on you, and we calls it even.
01:42:40Fuck you. Hey, no. Come on, Walter.
01:42:42Come on, we're ending this thing cheap, man.
01:42:44No. What's mine is mine. No, come on, Walter.
01:42:47No funny stuff. All right. All right.
01:42:49No funny stuff. I got 4 bucks, almost 5.
01:42:54I got $18. What's mine is mine.
01:42:57We fuck you up, man! We takes the money!
01:43:01Come and get it.
01:43:03We fuck you up! Show me what you got, nihilists.
01:43:08I fuck you! Walter, come on. He's got a sword.
01:43:10Fucking dipshit with a nine-toed woman!
01:43:12I fuck you! Fuck you! I fuck you!
01:43:22Take it easy, man. I fuck you!
01:43:24Take the $4. I fuck you!
01:43:30I fuck you!
01:43:32I'm gonna hit you with the fucking ball, man.
01:43:38Hey, dickhead! Anti-Semite.
01:43:41I fuck you in the ass! I fuck you in the ass!
01:43:44I fuck you! I fuck you!
01:43:56We got a man down, Dude!
01:44:01Oh, God. They shot him, man.
01:44:03He's not shot. No, Dude. Are you shot, Donny?
01:44:05There weren't any shots fired. Huh?
01:44:07It's a heart attack. Call the medics, Dude.
01:44:11I'd go myself, but I'm pumping blood, might pass out.
01:44:14Rest easy, good buddy. You're doing fine.
01:44:17We got help choppering in.
01:44:47Hello, gentlemen.
01:44:49You are the bereaved? Yeah, man.
01:44:52Francis Donnelly, pleased to meet you.
01:44:55Jeff Lebowski. Walter Sobchak.
01:44:57The Dude actually is...
01:45:00Excuse me? Oh, nothing.
01:45:04Yes. I understand you're taking away the remains?
01:45:11We have the urn.
01:45:14I assume this is credit card?
01:45:33What's this?
01:45:35Now, that's for the urn.
01:45:37Don't need it. We're scattering the ashes.
01:45:40Yes. So we were informed.
01:45:43However, we must, of course, transmit the remains to you
01:45:46in a receptacle.
01:45:49That's $180.
01:45:51It is our most modestly priced receptacle.
01:45:56Well, can't we just... $180?
01:45:58They range up to $3,000.
01:46:01We're... Can't we just rent it from you, you know?
01:46:04Sir, this is a mortuary not a rental house.
01:46:07We're scattering the fucking ashes! Walter, Walter.
01:46:09Just because we're bereaved doesn't make us saps.
01:46:12Sir, please lower your voices.
01:46:14Man, don't you have, you know, something else we can put him in?
01:46:18You know?
01:46:20That is our most modestly priced receptacle.
01:46:23God damn it!
01:46:27Is there a Ralph's around here?
01:46:55Donny was a good bowler and a good man.
01:46:59He was one of us.
01:47:01He was a man who loved the outdoors and bowling.
01:47:06And as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California
01:47:09from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo
01:47:12and up to Pismo.
01:47:16He died...
01:47:18He died as so many young men of his generation, before his time.
01:47:22In your wisdom, Lord, you took him,
01:47:25as you took so many bright, flowering young men
01:47:29at Khe Sanh, at Lan Doc,
01:47:32at Hill 364.
01:47:35These young men gave their lives,
01:47:38and so did Donny.
01:47:41Donny, who loved bowling.
01:47:46And so,
01:47:49Theodore Donald Kerabatsos,
01:47:53in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been,
01:47:59we commit your final mortal remains
01:48:03to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean
01:48:07which you loved so well.
01:48:11Good night, sweet prince.
01:48:31Oh, shit, Dude. I'm sorry.
01:48:35Goddamn wind. Fuck, god damn it, Walter!
01:48:39You fucking asshole! Shit, Dude. I'm sorry.
01:48:41Everything's a fucking travesty with you, man!
01:48:43I'm sorry. It was an accident.
01:48:45What was that shit about Vietnam? Dude, I'm sorry.
01:48:47What the fuck does anything have to do with Vietnam?
01:48:50Dude, I'm sorry. What the fuck are you talking about?
01:48:52Dude, I'm sorry.
01:49:05Fuck, Walter.
01:49:08Come on, Dude.
01:49:10Hey, fuck it, man.
01:49:16Let's go bowling.
01:50:12Two oat sodas, Gary. Right. Good luck tomorrow.
01:50:15Yeah, thanks, man. I was sorry to hear about Donny.
01:50:19Oh, yeah. Well, you know,
01:50:22sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes, you know...
01:50:26Hey, man.
01:50:28How do you do, Dude? I wondered if I'd see you again.
01:50:32I wouldn't miss the semis.
01:50:34Oh, yeah? How's things been going?
01:50:36Well, you know, strikes and gutters, ups and downs.
01:50:39Sure. I got you. Yeah.
01:50:43Thanks, Gary.
01:50:44Well, take care, man. Gotta get back.
01:50:47Sure. Take it easy, Dude. Oh, yeah.
01:50:50I know that you will.
01:50:52Yeah. Well, the Dude abides.
01:51:02The Dude abides.
01:51:08I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that.
01:51:13It's good knowing he's out there,
01:51:15the Dude, taking her easy for all us sinners.
01:51:22I sure hope he makes the finals.
01:51:26Well, that about does her.
01:51:28Wraps her all up.
01:51:31Things seem to have worked out pretty good for the Dude and Walter.
01:51:35And it was a pretty good story, don't you think?
01:51:39Made me laugh to beat the band.
01:51:42Parts anyway.
01:51:45I didn't like seeing Donny go.
01:51:48But then I happen to know that there's a little Lebowski on the way.
01:51:55I guess that's the way the whole darned human comedy keeps
01:51:59perpetuating itself
01:52:01down through the generations.
01:52:04Westward the wagons, across the sands of time until we...
01:52:10Oh, look at me. I'm rambling again.
01:52:14Well, I hope you folks enjoyed yourselves.
01:52:17Catch you later on down the trail.
01:52:21Say, friend, you got any more of that good sarsaparilla?

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