Mean Girls

00:00:35This is your lunch, OK?
00:00:37Now, I put a dollar in there so you can buy some milk.
00:00:39You can ask one of the big kids where to do that.
00:00:41You remember your phone number? I wrote it down for you, just in case.
00:00:44Put it in your pocket, I don't want you to lose it.
00:00:47OK? You ready?
00:00:50I think so.
00:00:54It's Cady's big day.
00:00:56I guess it's natural for parents to cry on their kid's first day of school.
00:00:59But, you know, this usually happens when the kid is 5.
00:01:02I'm 16 and until today, I was home-schooled.
00:01:06I know what you're thinking. "Home-schooled kids are freaks."
00:01:09X-Y-L-O-C-A-R-P. Xylocarp.
00:01:14Or that we're weirdly religious or something.
00:01:16And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-achion rifle
00:01:21so that Man could fight the dinosaurs.
00:01:23And the homosexuals.
00:01:25- Amen. - Amen.
00:01:27But my family's totally normal.
00:01:29Except for the fact that both my parents are research zoologists
00:01:32and we've spent the last 12 years in Africa.
00:01:34I had a great life.
00:01:36But then my mom got offered tenure at Northwestern University.
00:01:38So it was goodbye Africa and hello high school.
00:01:45I'm OK. Sorry.
00:01:47I'll be careful.
00:02:14Hi.
00:02:16I don't know if anyone told you about me.
00:02:18I'm a new student here. My name is Cady Heron.
00:02:20Talk to me again and I'll kick your ass.
00:02:28You don't wanna sit there. Kristen Hadley's boyfriend is gonna sit there.
00:02:32Hey, baby.
00:02:41He farts a lot.
00:02:52Hey, everybody.
00:02:54Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
00:02:58It's not you. I'm bad luck.
00:03:05Ms. Norbury?
00:03:07My T-shirt's stuck to my sweater, isn't it?
00:03:09- Yeah. - Fantastic.
00:03:11Is everything all right in here?
00:03:12- Oh, yeah. - So...
00:03:16...how was your summer? - I got divorced.
00:03:19My carpal tunnel came back.
00:03:22- I win. - Yes, you do.
00:03:25Well, I just wanted to let everyone know
00:03:27that we have a new student joining us.
00:03:29She just moved here all the way from Africa.
00:03:32Welcome.
00:03:34- I'm from Michigan. - Great.
00:03:38Her name is Cady. Cady Heron.
00:03:40- Where are you, Cady? - That's me.
00:03:42- It's pronounced like Katie. - My apologies.
00:03:45I have a nephew named Anfernee,
00:03:46and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony.
00:03:49Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact
00:03:51that my sister named him Anfernee.
00:03:53Well, welcome, Cady.
00:03:55- And thank you, Mr. Duvall. - Well, thank you.
00:03:58And...
00:04:00...if you need anything or if you wanna talk to somebody...
00:04:03Thanks.
00:04:05Maybe some other time, when my shirt isn't see-through.
00:04:08OK.
00:04:11OK. Good day, everybody.
00:04:15The first day of school was a blur.
00:04:17A stressful, surreal blur.
00:04:20I got in trouble for the most random things.
00:04:22- Where are you going? - Oh, I have to go to the bathroom.
00:04:26You need the lavatory pass.
00:04:28OK. Can I have the lavatory pass?
00:04:30Nice try. Have a seat.
00:04:32I had never lived in a world where adults didn't trust me,
00:04:35where they were always yelling at me.
00:04:37- Don't read ahead! - No green pen!
00:04:39No food in class!
00:04:51I told you, I saw the whole thing.
00:04:53- Everything. - Did you see nipple?
00:04:55- It only counts if you saw a nipple. - That's true, dude.
00:04:58I had a lot of friends in Africa.
00:05:04What?
00:05:05But so far, none in Evanston.
00:05:22Hey. How was your first day?
00:05:38Is that your natural hair color?
00:05:40- Yeah. - It's gorgeous.
00:05:43Thank you.
00:05:44See, this is the color I want.
00:05:46This is Damian. He's almost too gay to function.
00:05:49- Nice to meet you. - Nice wig, Janis.
00:05:52- What's it made of? - Your mom's chest hair!
00:05:54- I'm Janis. - Hi, I'm Cady.
00:05:58Do you guys know where Room G 14 is?
00:06:02"Health, Tuesday/Thursday, Room G 14."
00:06:05I think that's in the back building.
00:06:07- Yeah, that's in the back building. - Yeah, we'll take you there.
00:06:11Thanks.
00:06:13Watch out, please! New meat coming through!
00:06:17"Health. Spanish."
00:06:20You're taking 12th-grade calculus?
00:06:22- Yeah, I like math. - Why?
00:06:26Because it's the same in every country.
00:06:28That's beautiful. This girl is deep.
00:06:31Where's the back building?
00:06:34It burned down in 1987.
00:06:36Won't we get in some sort of trouble for this?
00:06:39Why would we get you into trouble?
00:06:41We're your friends.
00:06:43I know it's wrong to skip class, but Janis said we were friends.
00:06:47And I was in no position to pass up friends.
00:06:50I guess I'll never know what I missed on that first day of health class.
00:06:53Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die.
00:06:57Don't have sex in the missionary position,
00:06:59don't have sex standing up.
00:07:01Just don't do it, promise?
00:07:04OK, everybody take some rubbers.
00:07:06Why didn't they just keep home-schooling you?
00:07:08They wanted me to get socialized.
00:07:10Oh, you'll get socialized, all right. A little slice like you.
00:07:13- What are you talking about? - You're a regulation hottie.
00:07:17- What? - Own it.
00:07:19How do you spell your name again, Cady?
00:07:20It's Cady. C-A-D-Y.
00:07:23Yeah, I'm gonna call you Cady.
00:07:25In the name of all that is holy, will you look at Karen Smith's gym clothes?
00:07:29Of course all The Plastics are in the same gym class.
00:07:32- Who are The Plastics? - They're teen royalty.
00:07:35If North Shore was Us Weekly, they would always be on the cover.
00:07:38That one there, that's Karen Smith.
00:07:40She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet.
00:07:44Damian sat next to her in English last year.
00:07:46She asked me how to spell "orange".
00:07:49And that little one? That's Gretchen Wieners.
00:07:52She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Strudel.
00:07:55Gretchen Wieners knows everybody's business.
00:07:57She knows everything about everyone.
00:07:59That's why her hair is so big. It's full of secrets.
00:08:03And evil takes a human form in Regina George.
00:08:07Don't be fooled, because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing,
00:08:10slut-faced ho-bag. But in reality, she is so much more than that.
00:08:15She's the queen bee.
00:08:17The star. Those other two are just her little workers.
00:08:19Regina George.
00:08:21How do I even begin to explain Regina George?
00:08:24Regina George is flawless.
00:08:26She has two Fendi purses and a silver Lexus.
00:08:29I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.
00:08:31I hear she does car commercials. In Japan.
00:08:34Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.
00:08:36One time, she met John Stamos on a plane.
00:08:38And he told her she was pretty.
00:08:40One time, she punched me in the face.
00:08:42It was awesome.
00:08:44She always looks fierce. She always wins Spring Fling Queen.
00:08:47- Who cares? - I care.
00:08:49Every year, the seniors throw this dance for the underclassmen
00:08:51called The Spring Fling.
00:08:53And whomsoever is elected Spring Fling King and Queen
00:08:55automatically becomes head of the Student Activities Committee.
00:08:57And since I am an active member of the Student Activities Committee,
00:09:00I would say, yeah, I care.
00:09:02Damian, you've truly out-gayed yourself.
00:09:07Here. This map is gonna be your guide to North Shore.
00:09:11Now, where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial
00:09:13because you got everybody there.
00:09:15You got your freshmen, ROTC guys,
00:09:18preps, JV jocks,
00:09:21Asian nerds,
00:09:23cool Asians,
00:09:26varsity jocks,
00:09:27unfriendly black hotties,
00:09:30girls who eat their feelings,
00:09:32girls who don't eat anything,
00:09:35desperate wannabes,
00:09:36burnouts,
00:09:38sexually active band geeks,
00:09:40the greatest people you will ever meet
00:09:43and the worst. Beware of The Plastics.
00:09:49Hey. We're doing a lunchtime survey of new students.
00:09:51Can you answer a few questions?
00:09:53- OK. - Is your muffin buttered?
00:09:56What?
00:09:59Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?
00:10:02- My what? - Is he bothering you?
00:10:05Jason, why are you such a skeez?
00:10:07I'm just being friendly.
00:10:09You were supposed to call me last night.
00:10:10Jason. You do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen
00:10:14and then scam on some poor, innocent girl right in front of us three days later.
00:10:18She's not interested.
00:10:19Do you wanna have sex with him?
00:10:21- No, thank you. - Good. So it's settled.
00:10:24So you can go shave your back now.
00:10:26Bye, Jason.
00:10:28Bitch.
00:10:30Wait. Sit down.
00:10:35Seriously, sit down.
00:10:39Why don't I know you?
00:10:41I'm new. I just moved here from Africa.
00:10:44- What? - I used to be home-schooled.
00:10:47Wait. What?
00:10:48- My mom taught me at home... - No, no.
00:10:50I know what home-school is. I'm not retarded.
00:10:52So you've actually never been to a real school before?
00:10:56Shut up.
00:10:58Shut up.
00:11:00- I didn't say anything. - Home-schooled.
00:11:03- That's really interesting. - Thanks.
00:11:05But you're, like, really pretty.
00:11:07- Thank you. - So you agree.
00:11:09- What? - You think you're really pretty.
00:11:12- Oh, I don't know... - Oh, my God, I love your bracelet.
00:11:15- Where did you get it? - Oh, my mom made it for me.
00:11:18- It's adorable. - Oh, it's so fetch.
00:11:21- What is "fetch"? - Oh, it's, like, slang. From England.
00:11:24So if you're from Africa...
00:11:26...why are you white?
00:11:28Oh, my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.
00:11:31Could you give us some privacy for, like, one second?
00:11:34Yeah, sure.
00:11:37What are you doing?
00:11:42OK, you should just know that we don't do this a lot,
00:11:44so this is, like, a really huge deal.
00:11:47We wanna invite you to have lunch with us
00:11:49every day for the rest of the week.
00:11:51- Oh, it's OK... - Coolness.
00:11:53So we'll see you tomorrow.
00:11:54On Wednesdays, we wear pink.
00:11:57Oh, my God! OK, you have to do it, OK?
00:11:59And then you have to tell me all the horrible things that Regina says.
00:12:02Regina seems sweet.
00:12:04Regina George is not sweet.
00:12:06She's a scum-sucking road whore! She ruined my life!
00:12:09She's fabulous, but she's evil.
00:12:10- Hey, get out of here! - Oh, my God, Danny DeVito.
00:12:13I love your work!
00:12:15- Why do you hate her? - What do you mean?
00:12:17Regina. You seem to really hate her.
00:12:19Yes. What's your question?
00:12:21- Well, my question is, why? - Regina started this rumor
00:12:23- that Janis was... - Damian! Shall we not?
00:12:26Now, look. This isn't about hating her, OK?
00:12:28I just think that it would be, like, a fun little experiment
00:12:30if you were to hang out with them and then tell us everything that they say.
00:12:33- What do we even talk about? - Hair products.
00:12:35- Ashton Kutcher. - Is that a band?
00:12:37Would you just do it? Please?
00:12:40OK, fine. Do you have anything pink?
00:12:43- Yes. - No.
00:12:45By eigtht period, I was so happy to get to math class.
00:12:48I mean, I'm good at math. I understand math.
00:12:51Nothing in math class could mess me up.
00:12:53Hey, do you have a pencil I can borrow?
00:12:57I've only had one other crush in my life.
00:12:59His name was Nfume, and we were 5.
00:13:06It didn't work out.
00:13:08But this one hit me like a big, yellow school bus.
00:13:10- Cady, what do you say? - He was...
00:13:13So cute.
00:13:16I mean, A- sub-N equals N plus one over four.
00:13:20That's right.
00:13:22That's good. Very good.
00:13:24All right, let's talk about your homework.
00:13:28Hey. How was your second day?
00:13:31- Fine. - Were people nice?
00:13:33- No. - Did you make any friends?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:39Having lunch with The Plastics was like leaving the actual world
00:13:42and entering "Girl World".
00:13:44And Girl World had a lot of rules.
00:13:46You can't wear a tank top two days in a row,
00:13:48and you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week.
00:13:51So I guess you picked today.
00:13:54Oh, and we only wear jeans or track pants on Fridays.
00:13:57Now, if you break any of these rules, you can't sit with us at lunch.
00:14:01I mean, not just you. Like, any of us.
00:14:03OK, like, if I was wearing jeans today,
00:14:05I would be sitting over there with the art freaks.
00:14:10Oh, and we always vote before we ask someone to eat lunch with us
00:14:12because you have to be considerate of the rest of the group.
00:14:15Well, I mean, you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first
00:14:17- if it looks good on you. - I wouldn't?
00:14:20Right. Oh, and it's the same with guys.
00:14:22Like, you may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.
00:14:27A hundred and twenty calories and 48 calories from fat. What percent is that?
00:14:30Forty-eight into 120?
00:14:32I'm only eating foods with less than 30 percent calories from fat.
00:14:35It's 40 percent.
00:14:37Well, 48 over 120 equals X over 100,
00:14:40and then you cross-multiply and get the value of X.
00:14:44Whatever. I'm getting cheese fries.
00:14:48So have you seen any guys that you think are cute yet?
00:14:52Well, there's this guy in my calculus class...
00:14:53- Who is it? - It's a senior?
00:14:56- His name's Aaron Samuels. - No!
00:14:58Oh, no, you can't like Aaron Samuels.
00:15:00That's Regina's ex-boyfriend.
00:15:02They went out for a year.
00:15:04Yeah, and then she was devastated
00:15:05when he broke up with her last summer.
00:15:07I thought she dumped him for Shane Oman.
00:15:09OK, irregardless. Ex-boyfriends are just off-limits to friends.
00:15:12I mean, that's just, like, the rules of feminism.
00:15:15Don't worry. I'll never tell Regina what you said.
00:15:20It'll be our little secret.
00:15:23We define the sum of the infinite geometric series...
00:15:27Even though I wasn't allowed to like Aaron,
00:15:29I was still allowed to look at him.
00:15:33And think about him.
00:15:36And talk to him.
00:15:39- Hey, Aar... - Hey, you're the Africa girl, right?
00:15:41- Yeah. - I'm Kevin Gnapoor,
00:15:43captain of the North Shore Mathletes.
00:15:45We participate in math challenges against other high schools in the state,
00:15:48and we can get twice as much funding if we've got a girl.
00:15:51So you should think about joining.
00:15:53- Oh, you'd be perfect for it. - Yeah, definitely.
00:15:55Great, great. Let me give you my card.
00:16:01OK, so think it over.
00:16:03Because we'd like to get jackets.
00:16:06OK.
00:16:20Hey!
00:16:24Get in, loser. We're going shopping.
00:16:26Regina's like the Barbie doll I never had.
00:16:29I'd never seen anybody so glamorous.
00:16:34- So how do you like North Shore? - It's good.
00:16:37I think I'm joining the Mathletes.
00:16:38- No! No, no. - No, no.
00:16:40You cannot do that. That is social suicide.
00:16:42Damn, you are so lucky you have us to guide you.
00:16:56Being at Old Orctard Mall kind of reminded me of being home in Africa.
00:17:00By the watering hole. when the animals are in heat.
00:17:11Oh, my God, there's Jason!
00:17:12Where? Oh, there he is.
00:17:17- And he's with Taylor Wedell. - I heard they're going out.
00:17:19Wait. Jason's not going out with Taylor.
00:17:22No. He cannot blow you off like that.
00:17:25He's such a little skeez. Give me your phone.
00:17:29- You're not gonna call him, right? - Do you think I'm an idiot?
00:17:32No.
00:17:36- Wedell on South Boulevard. - Caller ID.
00:17:39Not when you connect from Information.
00:17:40- Hello? - Hello.
00:17:42May I please speak to Taylor Wedell?
00:17:43She's not home yet. Who's calling?
00:17:45Oh, this is Susan from Planned Parenthood.
00:17:47I have her test results. If you can have her give me a call as soon as she can.
00:17:51It's urgent. Thank you.
00:17:55She's not going out with anyone.
00:17:57OK, that was so fetch.
00:18:07Mom.
00:18:21Your house is really nice.
00:18:23I know, right?
00:18:25Make sure you check out her mom's boob job.
00:18:27They're hard as rocks.
00:18:31I'm home! Hey, Kylie.
00:18:34Hey.
00:18:36Hey, hey, hey! How are my best girlfriends?
00:18:40Hey, Mrs. George. This is Cady.
00:18:43Hello, sweetheart.
00:18:45- Hi. - Welcome to our home.
00:18:51Just want you to know, if you need anything, don't be shy, OK?
00:18:54There are no rules in this house. I'm not like a regular mom.
00:18:58I'm a cool mom. Right, Regina?
00:19:00- Please stop talking. - OK.
00:19:02I'm gonna make you girls a "hump day" treat.
00:19:11This is your room?
00:19:13It was my parents' room, but I made them trade me.
00:19:17Hey, put on 98.8.
00:19:24Cady, do you even know who sings this?
00:19:27- The Spice Girls? - I love her.
00:19:29She's like a Martian.
00:19:31- God, my hips are huge! - Oh, please. I hate my calves.
00:19:34At least you guys can wear halters. I've got man shoulders.
00:19:37I used to think there was just fat and skinny.
00:19:40Apparently, there's a lot of things that can be wrong on your body.
00:19:42- My hairline is so weird. - My pores are huge.
00:19:45My nail beds suck.
00:19:50I have really bad breath in the morning.
00:19:54Hey, you guys. Happy hour is from 4 to 6!
00:19:59Thanks.
00:20:02Is there alcohol in this?
00:20:04Oh, God, honey, no. What kind of mother do you think I am?
00:20:08Do you want a bit? If you're gonna drink, I'd rather you do it in the house.
00:20:11- No, thank you. - OK.
00:20:13So, you guys, what is the 411?
00:20:18What has everybody been up to?
00:20:20What is the hot gossip? Tell me everything.
00:20:24What are you guys listening to? What's the cool jams?
00:20:26Mom.
00:20:28- Could you go fix your hair? - OK.
00:20:30You girls keep me young. Oh, I love you so much.
00:20:36Oh, my God, I remember this.
00:20:39- I haven't looked at that in forever. - Come check it out, Cady.
00:20:42It's our Burn Book.
00:20:43See, we cut out girls' pictures from the yearbook,
00:20:45and then we wrote comments.
00:20:48- "Trang Pak is a grotsky little byotch." - Still true.
00:20:51- "Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin." - Still half true.
00:20:56"Amber D'Alessio." She made out with a hot dog.
00:21:00"Janis Ian, dyke."
00:21:02- Who is that? - I think that's that kid Damian.
00:21:05Yeah. He's almost too gay to function.
00:21:08That's funny. Put that in there.
00:21:11Oh, no. Maybe that was only OK when Janis said it.
00:21:15And they have this Burn Book where they write mean things
00:21:17- about all the girls in our grade. - What does it say about me?
00:21:21- You're not in it. - Those bitches.
00:21:23- Will this minimize my pores? - No. Cady,
00:21:25you gotta steal that book.
00:21:27- No way! - Oh, come on. We could publish it,
00:21:29and then everybody would see what an ax-wound she really is.
00:21:32- I don't steal. - That is for your feet.
00:21:34Cady, there are two kinds of evil people.
00:21:38People who do evil stuff,
00:21:39and people who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it.
00:21:43Does that mean I'm morally obligated to burn that lady's outfit?
00:21:48Oh, my God, that's Ms. Norbury.
00:21:50I love seeing teachers outside of school.
00:21:51It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.
00:21:55Hey, guys, what's up? I didn't know you worked here.
00:21:57Yeah, moderately priced soaps are my calling.
00:22:00- You shopping? - No, I'm just here with my boyfriend.
00:22:05Joking. Sometimes older people make jokes.
00:22:09My nana takes her wig off when she's drunk.
00:22:11Your nana and I have that in common.
00:22:14No, actually, I'm just here because I bartend a couple nights a week
00:22:17down at P. J. Calamity's.
00:22:19Cady, I hope you do join Mathletes, you know,
00:22:21because we start in a couple weeks
00:22:23and I would love to have a girl on the team,
00:22:25just, you know, so the team could meet a girl.
00:22:27- I think I'm gonna do it. - Great.
00:22:29You can't join Mathletes. It's social suicide.
00:22:32Thanks, Damian.
00:22:34Well, this has been sufficiently awkward.
00:22:38And I'll see you guys tomorrow.
00:22:40- Bye. - Bye.
00:22:42Oh, man, that is bleak.
00:22:45So when are you gonna see Regina again?
00:22:48I can't spy on her anymore. It's weird.
00:22:50Come on, she's never gonna find out. It'll be like our little secret.
00:22:57- Hello? - I know your secret.
00:22:59Oh, God, busted.
00:23:00Just start apologizing and crying. No, play it cool.
00:23:03Secret? What are you saying about?
00:23:04Gretchen told me that you like Aaron Samuels.
00:23:07I mean, I don't care, do whatever you want.
00:23:09But let me just tell you something about Aaron:
00:23:12All he cares about is school and his mom and his friends.
00:23:16- Is that bad? - But if you like him...
00:23:19Whatever. I mean, I could talk to him for you if you want.
00:23:22Really? You would do that? I mean, nothing embarrassing, though, right?
00:23:25Oh, no, trust me. I know exactly how to play it.
00:23:28But wait. Aren't you so mad at Gretchen for telling me?
00:23:32- No. - Because if you are,
00:23:34you can tell me. It was a really bitchy thing for her to do.
00:23:37Yeah, it was pretty bitchy, but I'm not mad.
00:23:41I mean, I guess she just likes the attention.
00:23:42See, Gretch? I told you she's not mad at you.
00:23:44I can't believe you think I like attention!
00:23:46OK, love you. See you tomorrow.
00:23:49I had survived my first three-way calling attack.
00:23:52And with Regina's blessing, I started talking to Aaron more and more.
00:23:55On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was.
00:23:58It's October 3rd.
00:24:00Two weeks later, we spoke again.
00:24:02It's raining.
00:24:04Yeah.
00:24:06But I wanted things to move faster.
00:24:08So I followed my instincts.
00:24:10Hey, I'm totally lost. Can you help me?
00:24:13- But I wasn't lost. - Yeah.
00:24:15I knew exactly what Ms. Norbury was talking about.
00:24:17It's a factorial, so you multiply each one by N.
00:24:20Wrong.
00:24:21Is that the summation?
00:24:24Yeah, they're the same thing.
00:24:25Wrong. He was so wrong.
00:24:27Thanks. I... I get it now.
00:24:31Lights, please. OK. See you guys tomorrow.
00:24:36We're having a Halloween party at my friend Chris' tonight.
00:24:40You wanna come?
00:24:42Yeah, sure.
00:24:44Great. Here's where it is.
00:24:46It's a costume party. People get pretty into it.
00:24:49OK.
00:24:50That flier admits one person only,
00:24:54so don't bring some other guy with you.
00:24:56"Grool."
00:24:58I meant to say "cool" and then I started to say "great".
00:25:01Right. Well... grool.
00:25:05See you tonight.
00:25:09Hey, Africa. You staying for the Mathletes meeting?
00:25:12Yeah, I'll be right back.
00:25:16OK, I lied. But I had to go home and work on my costume.
00:25:20In the regular world, Halloween is when children dress up in costumes
00:25:23and beg for candy.
00:25:25In Girl World, Halloween is the one nigth a year
00:25:27when a girl can dress like a total slut
00:25:29and no other girls can say anything about it.
00:25:31The hard-core girls just wear lingerie
00:25:33and some form of animal ears.
00:25:35Doesn't she look great, honey?
00:25:39- What are you? - I'm a mouse.
00:25:44Unfortunately, no one told me about the slut rule.
00:25:46So I showed up like this.
00:25:55Hey.
00:25:58Yes! Yes!
00:26:06Hey.
00:26:08Why are you dressed so scary?
00:26:10It's Halloween.
00:26:12Have you seen Jason?
00:26:14You know who's looking fine tonight?
00:26:16Seth Mosakowski.
00:26:19- OK, you did not just say that. - What? He's a good kisser.
00:26:23He's your cousin.
00:26:24Yeah, but he's my first cousin.
00:26:26- Right. - So you have your cousins
00:26:29and then you have your first cousins,
00:26:30- then you have your second cousins... - No, honey.
00:26:34That's not right, is it?
00:26:35That is so not right.
00:26:37- Hey! - Hey.
00:26:39You made it.
00:26:41And you are... a zombie bride.
00:26:45An "ex-wife".
00:26:47Love it. Can I get you something to drink?
00:26:49- Yeah. - Be right back.
00:26:51Thanks.
00:26:54Karen, stop it.
00:26:56- Don't, Karen... - Hey, Seth!
00:27:02Hey.
00:27:03Oh, no.
00:27:05Didn't anybody tell you?
00:27:07You were supposed to wear a costume.
00:27:09Shut up. I need to talk to you.
00:27:12- You know that girl Cady? - Yeah, she's cool.
00:27:15I invited her tonight.
00:27:17Well, be careful because she has a huge crush on you.
00:27:20Really? How do you know?
00:27:23Because she told me.
00:27:25She tells everybody. It's kind of cute, actually.
00:27:28She's like a little girl. She, like, writes all over her notebook,
00:27:30"Mrs. Aaron Samuels."
00:27:32And she made this T-shirt that says "I heart Aaron"
00:27:35and she wears it under all her clothes.
00:27:37- Oh, come on. - Well, who can blame her?
00:27:39I mean, you're gorgeous.
00:27:42And OK, look, I'm not saying she's a stalker,
00:27:45but she saved this Kleenex you used
00:27:48and she said she's gonna do some kind of African voodoo with it
00:27:51to make you like her.
00:27:54What?
00:27:59This was it.
00:28:01Regina said she would talk to Aaron for me, and now she was.
00:28:03I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend,
00:28:08so just promise me you won't make fun of her.
00:28:11Of course I'm not gonna make fun of her.
00:28:13How could Janis hate Regina?
00:28:15Ste was such a good...
00:28:18Slut!
00:28:26What are you doing? You broke up with me.
00:28:28That's crazy. Why would I break up with you?
00:28:31You're so hot.
00:28:40That's a scary mask, bro.
00:28:43I had never felt this feeling before.
00:28:44I could tear my heartbeat in my ears.
00:28:46My stomach felt like it was going to fall out my butt.
00:28:49I had this lump in my throat like after you dry-swallow a big pill.
00:28:52I hated Regina. I hated her!
00:29:11She took him back.
00:29:12Regina took Aaron back.
00:29:14- Oh, no, Cady. - Why would she do that?
00:29:18Because she's a life-ruiner.
00:29:20She ruins people's lives.
00:29:21When we were 13, she made people sign this petition
00:29:24- saying that Janis was... - Damian! Please!
00:29:26Look, she's not gonna get away with this again, OK?
00:29:28- We're gonna do something. - We are?
00:29:32Regina George is an evil dictator.
00:29:35Now, how do you overthrow a dictator?
00:29:37You cut off her resources.
00:29:40Regina would be nothing without her high-status man candy...
00:29:45...technically good physique...
00:29:48...and ignorant band of loyal followers.
00:29:52Now, Cady, if we want this to work,
00:29:55you are gonna have to keep hanging out with them like nothing is wrong.
00:29:58Can you do it?
00:30:00I can do it.
00:30:01OK, let's rock this bitch.
00:30:06Pretending like nothing was wrong turned out to be surprisingly easy.
00:30:09Regina wanted me to tell you that she was trying to hook you up with Aaron,
00:30:12but he was just interested in getting her back.
00:30:15And that's not Regina's fault.
00:30:16- No, I know. - OK, so you're not mad at Regina?
00:30:19- God, no. - Oh, OK, good.
00:30:20Because Regina wanted me to give you this.
00:30:28It's called the South Beach Fat Flush,
00:30:29and all you drink is cranberry juice for 72 hours.
00:30:32This isn't even cranberry juice.
00:30:33It's cranberry juice cocktail. It's all sugar.
00:30:35- I wanna lose 3 pounds. - You're crazy.
00:30:40Why do you wear your hair like that? You hair looks so sexy pushed back.
00:30:43Cady, will you please tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back.
00:30:47Regina was dangling Aaron in front of me on purpose.
00:30:49I knew how this would be settled in the animal world.
00:31:02But this was Girl World.
00:31:03Your hair looks sexy pushed back.
00:31:06And in Girl World, all the figthing had to be sneaky.
00:31:11All this cranberry juice is making me break out.
00:31:15Wait. I have this really good skin stuff I'll bring you.
00:31:18OK.
00:31:19We kept our eyes open for opportunities for sabotage.
00:31:29Regina.
00:31:31- Here you go. - Thank you.
00:31:37- Hey. - Hey.
00:31:43Your face smells like peppermint.
00:32:19This is ass, you guys.
00:32:21It's been a month, and all we've done is make Regina's face smell like a foot.
00:32:25I've been really busy with choir.
00:32:26We gotta crack Gretchen Wieners.
00:32:28We crack Gretchen, and then we crack the lock
00:32:30on Regina's whole dirty history.
00:32:32- Say "crack" again. - Crack.
00:32:34- All right, let's reconvene tonight. - I can't.
00:32:36I have to go to Regina's to practise for the talent show.
00:32:39- We're doing a dance to this song... - "Jingle Bell Rock."
00:32:42You guys know that song?
00:32:43Everybody in the English-speaking world knows that song.
00:32:46They do it every year.
00:32:48Well, I have to learn it.
00:32:50Go.
00:32:52- Hey. - Why were you talking to Janis Ian?
00:32:55I don't know, I mean, she's so weird.
00:32:56She just, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about crack.
00:33:00She's so pathetic.
00:33:02Let me tell you something about Janis Ian.
00:33:04We were best friends in middle school.
00:33:06I know, right?
00:33:07It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever.
00:33:10So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend,
00:33:13Kyle, who was totally gorgeous, but then he moved to Indiana.
00:33:16And Janis was, like, weirdly jealous of him.
00:33:19Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle,
00:33:21she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?"
00:33:24And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?"
00:33:27So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party,
00:33:30I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you, because I think you're a lesbian."
00:33:34I mean, I couldn't have a lesbian at my party.
00:33:36There are gonna be girls there in their bathing suits.
00:33:39I mean, right? She was a lesbian.
00:33:41So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her.
00:33:43It was so retarded.
00:33:44And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her.
00:33:47When she came back in the fall for high school,
00:33:49all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird,
00:33:52and now I guess she's on crack.
00:33:55Oh, my God! I love your skirt.
00:33:57Where did you get it?
00:33:59It was my mom's in the '80s.
00:34:01Vintage. So adorable.
00:34:03Thanks.
00:34:05That is the ugliest F-ing skirt I've ever seen.
00:34:09Oh, my God, I love your bracelet. Where did you get it?
00:34:15So are you gonna send any candy canes?
00:34:17No. I don't send them, I just get them.
00:34:20So you better send me one, byotch.
00:34:22Love you.
00:34:25I was definitely sending her one.
00:34:27I was gonna use three candy canes to crack Gretchen Wieners.
00:34:30Three, please.
00:34:31"Why, Man, he doth bestride the narrow world like a colossus"
00:34:35might translate into
00:34:37"Why is he so huge and obnoxious?"
00:34:42- Candy cane-grams! - OK, hurry up.
00:34:45Taylor Zimmerman? Two for you.
00:34:48Glenn Cocco?
00:34:50Four for you, Glenn Cocco. You go, Glenn Cocco.
00:34:54And Cady Heron.
00:34:56Do we have a Cady Heron here?
00:34:58- It's Cady. - Oh, Cady, here you go.
00:35:00One for you. And none for Gretchen Wieners. Bye.
00:35:06Who's that from?
00:35:07"Thanks for being such a great friend. Love, Regina."
00:35:10That's so sweet.
00:35:12OK, back to Caesar.
00:35:15Once Gretchen thought Regina was mad at her,
00:35:17the secrets started pouring out.
00:35:19All I had to do was wait for one we could use.
00:35:21Thank you.
00:35:24Welcome to the North Shore High School winter talent show.
00:35:28Let me hear you make some noise.
00:35:35All right, settle down.
00:35:38Our first act calls himself a star on the rise.
00:35:41Let's hear it for Damian.
00:35:50Don't look at me.
00:35:52Every day is so wonderful
00:35:57I mean, why would Regina send you guys candy canes and not me?
00:36:01Maybe she forgot about you.
00:36:03Yeah, Regina has been acting kind of weird lately.
00:36:05I mean, is something bothering her?
00:36:07Well, I mean, her parents totally don't sleep in the same bed anymore,
00:36:10if that's what you mean.
00:36:12Oh, my God. Don't tell her I told you that.
00:36:15I am beautiful in every single way
00:36:20Yes, words can't bring me down
00:36:23Yes, words can't bring me down
00:36:25Don't you bring me down today
00:36:29I mean, no offense,
00:36:31but why would she send you a candy cane?
00:36:33She doesn't even like you that much.
00:36:35Maybe she feels weird around me
00:36:37because I'm the only person that knows about her nose job.
00:36:41Oh, my God. Pretend you didn't hear that.
00:36:44Yo, yo, yo
00:36:46All you sucker MCs Ain't got nothing on me
00:36:50From my grades to my lines You can't touch Kevin G
00:36:52I'm a Mathlete So nerd is inferred
00:36:55But forget what you heard I'm like James Bond the Third
00:36:57Shaken not stirred I'm Kevin Gnapoor
00:36:59The G is silent when I sneak in your door
00:37:01And make love to your woman On the bathroom floor
00:37:03I don't play it like Staggy You'll know it was me
00:37:05Because the next time you see her She'll be like
00:37:07- Kevin G! - Thank you, Kevin, that's enough.
00:37:10Happy holidays, everybody.
00:37:17K.G. And the Power of Three.
00:37:20That was something.
00:37:23Does it bother you that they still use your original choreography?
00:37:26Shut up.
00:37:27Damn.
00:37:29- What? - I'd rather see you out there
00:37:31shaking that thing.
00:37:35Gretchen, switch sides with Cady.
00:37:37But I'm always on your left.
00:37:38That was when there were three of us, and now the tallest go in the middle.
00:37:42But the whole dance will be backwards.
00:37:44I'm always on your left.
00:37:46And right now you're getting on my last nerve. Switch.
00:37:51And finally, please welcome to the stage
00:37:54Santa's Helpers doing "Jingle Bell Rock".
00:38:08Jingle bell, jingle bell Jingle bell rock
00:38:12Jingle bells swing And jingle bells ring
00:38:16Snowing and blowing Up bustels of fun
00:38:20Now the jingle top has begun
00:38:24Jingle bell, jingle bell Jingle bell rock
00:38:27Jingle bells chime In jingle bell time
00:38:31Dancing and prancing In Jingle Bell Square
00:38:35In the fr...
00:38:45Jason?
00:38:52What a brigth time It's the rigth time
00:38:57To rock the nigth away
00:39:00Jingle bell time Is a swell time
00:39:05To go riding in a one-torse sleigh
00:39:08Giddyap jingle torse Pick up your feet
00:39:12Jingle around the clock
00:39:16Mix and mingle in a jingling beat
00:39:19That's the jingle bell
00:39:21That's the jingle bell
00:39:23That's the jingle bell rock
00:39:41That was the best it ever went!
00:39:43- That was awesome. - Lip gloss.
00:39:45- Hey, good job, Africa. - Thanks.
00:39:48Cady's blushing. Oh, my God.
00:39:50- You totally have a crush on that guy. - No, I don't.
00:39:53That's why you wanted to join the Mathletes.
00:39:54Mathletes? You hate math.
00:39:56Look how red she is.
00:39:58You love him. And he totally complimented you.
00:40:01That is so fetch.
00:40:03Gretchen, stop trying to make "fetch" happen.
00:40:05It's not going to happen.
00:40:12Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant
00:40:15while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet?
00:40:19What's so great about Caesar?
00:40:20Brutus is just as cute as Caesar.
00:40:22OK, Brutus is just as smart as Caesar.
00:40:24People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar.
00:40:27And when did it become OK for one person
00:40:28to be the boss of everybody?
00:40:30Because that's not what Rome is about!
00:40:32We should totally just stab Caesar!"
00:40:36Gretchen Wieners had cracked.
00:40:39OK, if you even knew how mean she really is.
00:40:43You know that I'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right?
00:40:47Yeah. Two years ago, she told me that hoop earrings were her thing
00:40:50and that I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore.
00:40:52And then for my Hanukkah, my parents got me this pair
00:40:55of really expensive white-gold hoops.
00:40:57And I had to pretend like I didn't even like them,
00:41:01and it was so sad.
00:41:03And you know she cheats on Aaron?
00:41:04Yes. Every Thursday he thinks she's doing SAT prep.
00:41:07But really, she's hooking up with Shane Oman in the projection room
00:41:10above the auditorium,
00:41:12and I never told anybody that, because...
00:41:14...l'm such a good friend.
00:41:20Jackpot. Gretchen's secret had put the plan back in motion.
00:41:24After Christmas break, we tried every Thursday
00:41:26to help Aaron catch Regina in the act.
00:42:00Hey.
00:42:01Hey, what's up?
00:42:03My purse!
00:42:05Looks like he's headed for the projection room
00:42:07above the auditorium!
00:42:19Coach Carr?
00:42:22Trang Pak?
00:42:24Guys, why did we think we could do this? We're amateurs.
00:42:24Guys, why did we think we could do this? We're amateurs.
00:42:26No, we just have to regroup. Think outside our box.
00:42:29What are Kälteen bars?
00:42:31They're these weird Swedish nutrition bars.
00:42:33My mom used to give them to the kids in Africa to help them gain weight.
00:42:40They're these weird nutrition bars my mom uses to lose weight.
00:42:43Give me it.
00:42:47It's all in, like, Swedish or something.
00:42:50Yeah, you know, there's some weird ingredient in them
00:42:53that's not legal in the U.S. yet.
00:42:55- Ephedrine? - No.
00:42:57- Phentermine. - No.
00:43:01It burns carbs. It just burns up all your carbs.
00:43:04I really wanna lose 3 pounds.
00:43:08Oh, my God, what are you talking about?
00:43:10You're so skinny.
00:43:11Shut up.
00:43:13The weird thing about hanging out with Regina
00:43:15was that I could hate her, and at the same time,
00:43:17I still wanted her to like me.
00:43:18OK. You have really good eyebrows.
00:43:21- Thanks. - Move.
00:43:23Same with Gretchen. The meaner Regina was to her,
00:43:26the more Gretchen tried to win Regina back.
00:43:28Ste knew it was better to be in The Plastics, hating life
00:43:31than to not be in at all.
00:43:33Because being with The Plastics was like being famous.
00:43:36People looked at you all the time,
00:43:38and everybody just knew stuff about you.
00:43:40That new girl moved here from Africa.
00:43:43I saw Cady Heron wearing Army pants and flip-flops,
00:43:45so I bought Army pants and flip-flops.
00:43:48That Cady girl is hot.
00:43:50She might even be hotter than Regina George.
00:43:52I hear Regina George is dating Aaron Samuels again.
00:43:55The two were seen canoodling at Chris Eisel's Halloween party.
00:43:58They've been inseparable ever since.
00:44:11I was a woman possessed.
00:44:12I spent about 80 percent of my time talking about Regina.
00:44:15And the other 20 percent of the time,
00:44:17I was praying for someone else to bring her up
00:44:19so I could talk about her more.
00:44:21She's not even that good-looking if you really look at her.
00:44:23I don't know. Now that's she's getting fatter,
00:44:25she's got pretty big jugs.
00:44:27I could hear people getting bored with me.
00:44:29But I couldn't stop. It just kept coming up like word vomit.
00:44:33I have this theory that if you cut all her hair off, she'd look like a British man.
00:44:36Yeah, I know. You told me that one before.
00:44:40Hey, I'm having an art show.
00:44:41So why don't you take a night off from your double life.
00:44:43- I want you to see it. - Coolness.
00:44:47What is that smell?
00:44:49Oh, Regina gave me some perfume.
00:44:51You smell like a baby prostitute.
00:44:53Thanks.
00:44:56Meanwhile, I was finding any excuse I could to talk to Aaron.
00:44:59I don't get this. Do you get any of this?
00:45:02Nice job, Cady.
00:45:05Kind of seems like you get it.
00:45:07If I was gonna keep this going, I was gonna have to really commit.
00:45:13Not your best.
00:45:15Damn, Africa, what happened?
00:45:17- How'd you do? - Not so good.
00:45:20You know, I think I need a tutor.
00:45:23I'll tutor you, if you ever wanna get together after school or something.
00:45:26Do you think Regina would mind?
00:45:28No. You guys are friends.
00:45:32Well, maybe we just won't tell her.
00:45:35So, what did you get for this one?
00:45:37Well, the first time I did it, I got a zero.
00:45:39- Wrong. - But then when I checked it, I got...
00:45:42...one. - There you go.
00:45:44I got one too.
00:45:46Yeah, you have to check it because sometimes the product
00:45:49of two negative integers is a positive number.
00:45:52Yeah, like negative four and negative six.
00:45:55That's right. That's good.
00:45:57Well, you're a good tutor.
00:46:08Man, look, I... I can't do this.
00:46:13- It's not fair to Regina. - Why do you like her?
00:46:15Look, I know she can be really mean sometimes, but...
00:46:18- Then why do you like her? - Why do you?
00:46:21Look, there's good and bad to everybody. Right?
00:46:23Regina's just...
00:46:25- She's just more up-front about it. - Oh, no. It was coming up.
00:46:28The word vomit. I didn't mean to say it, but...
00:46:30She's cheating on you!
00:46:34What?
00:46:40Did he say why?
00:46:42Somebody told him about Shane Oman.
00:46:45Who?
00:46:46He said some guy on the baseball team.
00:46:48Baseball team?
00:46:50I gave him everything. I was half a virgin when I met him.
00:46:54You wanna do something fun?
00:46:56You wanna go to Taco Bell?
00:46:58I can't go to Taco Bell, I'm on an all-carb diet.
00:47:01God, Karen, you are so stupid!
00:47:04Regina, wait. Talk to me.
00:47:06- Nobody understands me. - I understand you.
00:47:10You're not stupid, Karen.
00:47:11No. I am, actually.
00:47:14I'm failing almost everything.
00:47:16Well, there must be something you're good at.
00:47:20I can put my whole fist in my mouth.
00:47:22Wanna see?
00:47:23No. That's OK.
00:47:25Anything else?
00:47:28I'm kind of psychic.
00:47:30I have a fifth sense.
00:47:32- What do you mean? - It's like I have ESPN or something.
00:47:36My breasts can always tell when it's gonna rain.
00:47:41Really? That's amazing.
00:47:44Well, they can tell when it's raining.
00:47:51I have to admit, I was mildly horrified
00:47:53when Aaron didn't immediately ask me to be his girlfriend.
00:47:56I mean, I know he was sad, but how much time did he need?
00:47:58Regina had moved on.
00:48:03Do you guys need anything? Some snacks?
00:48:06A condom?
00:48:07Let me know. Oh, God love you.
00:48:11But overall, the plan was going pretty well.
00:48:13Aaron had dumped Regina, and she was unknowingly
00:48:15eating 5,000 calories a day.
00:48:17It was time to turn our attention to the army of skanks.
00:48:21And finally, the nominees for Spring Fling Queen are as follows:
00:48:23And finally, the nominees for Spring Fling Queen are as follows:
00:48:26Regina George.
00:48:29Gretchen Wieners.
00:48:33Janis Ian.
00:48:36What is happening to the world?
00:48:38And the final nominee...
00:48:40I couldn't help myself. It was so easy.
00:48:43... is Cady Heron.
00:48:45Damian, you put me in there too? That's not part of the plan.
00:48:47I didn't put you in there.
00:48:49You mean I'm really nominated?
00:48:55In January, Regina had put a Spring Fling dress on hold
00:48:58at a store called 1-3-5.
00:49:00But being Plastic, she needed our advice
00:49:02before she could actually buy it.
00:49:03Can someone zip me up?
00:49:08- It won't close. - It's a 5.
00:49:11OK, it must be marked wrong.
00:49:13Cady, all I've been eating are these Kälteen bars. They suck.
00:49:16No, no, this is just how they work.
00:49:18This is all your water weight.
00:49:20First you bloat, and then you drop 10 pounds like that:
00:49:23Well, the Kälteen bars have burned up all your carbs,
00:49:25and now your body's just running on water.
00:49:27But once the water's gone, then you'll be all muscle.
00:49:30It explains it all on the label.
00:49:32You know Swedish?
00:49:33Yeah, everyone in Africa can read Swedish.
00:49:36Ma'am, do you have this in the next size up?
00:49:39Sorry. We only carry sizes 1, 3 and 5.
00:49:42You could try Sears.
00:49:55Cady.
00:49:57I need your parents to sign this so they know that you're failing.
00:50:01Failing?
00:50:02You know what's weird about your quizzes, Cady,
00:50:04is that all the work is right and just the answers are wrong.
00:50:07- Really? - Really.
00:50:10Cady, I know that having a boyfriend
00:50:12may seem like the most important thing in the world right now,
00:50:15but you don't have to dumb yourself down to get guys to like you.
00:50:18- How would you know? - I know,
00:50:19"How would I know", right?
00:50:22I'm divorced. I'm broke from getting divorced.
00:50:25The only guy that ever calls my house is Randy from Chase Visa.
00:50:28And you know why?
00:50:30Because I'm a pusher. I push people.
00:50:33I pushed my husband into law school. That was a bust.
00:50:36I pushed myself into working three jobs.
00:50:38And now I'm gonna push you
00:50:40because I know you're smarter than this.
00:50:42Thanks, Ms. Norbury. And if there's anything I can do
00:50:44for extra credit, please let me know.
00:50:46Oh, I will.
00:50:48I hate her! I mean, she's totally failing me on purpose
00:50:50because I didn't join those stupid Mathletes!
00:50:52She was so queer.
00:50:54She was like, "I'm a pusher, Cady. I'm a pusher."
00:50:57What does that even mean?
00:50:59- Like a drug pusher? - Probably.
00:51:01She said she works three jobs.
00:51:03You know, I bet she sells drugs on the side
00:51:04to pay for her pathetic divorce.
00:51:06You let it out, honey.
00:51:08Put it in the book.
00:51:15I know it may look like I'd become a bitch,
00:51:17but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.
00:51:19Hey, I called you last night. How come you didn't call me back?
00:51:22Oh, I got busy. Sorry.
00:51:25So you need a ride to my art show this weekend?
00:51:28No. I have to go to Madison with my parents.
00:51:30I'm so sorry.
00:51:32Well, you wanna watch a movie tonight?
00:51:34Can't. I'm doing major Plastic sabotage tonight.
00:51:37But we don't have anything planned for tonight.
00:51:40Oh, I planned this one on my own.
00:51:42Love you. Bye.
00:51:46Gretchen thinks you're mad at her
00:51:48because she's running for Spring Fling Queen.
00:51:50Oh, my God, I'm not mad at her. I'm worried about her.
00:51:53I think somebody nominated her as a joke or something.
00:51:55And when nobody votes for her, she's gonna have a total meltdown.
00:51:58And who's gonna have to take care of her? Me.
00:52:01So you don't think anyone will vote for her?
00:52:04Cady, she's not pretty.
00:52:06I mean, that sounds bad, but whatever.
00:52:09The Spring Fling Queen is always pretty.
00:52:11And the crazy thing is is that it should be Karen,
00:52:13but people forget about her because she's such a slut.
00:52:16Anyway, I gotta go. I'm going to bed.
00:52:21Well, she's not mad at you.
00:52:24- Hold on. - Are you OK?
00:52:34- Hello? - If someone said something bad
00:52:36about you, you'd want me to tell you, right?
00:52:39- No. - What if it was someone
00:52:41you thought was your friend?
00:52:42What are you...? Hold on. Other line.
00:52:44- I'm not taking this anymore. - Good for you, Gretch.
00:52:47- Hello? - Let's go out.
00:52:48OK. Hold on. I'm on the other line with Gretchen.
00:52:50Don't invite Gretchen. She's driving me nuts.
00:52:53- Hold on. - OK, hurry up.
00:52:56It's Regina.
00:52:57She wants to hang out with me tonight, but she told me not to tell you.
00:53:00Do not hang out with her.
00:53:02- Why? - You don't want me to tell you.
00:53:05You can tell me. Hold on.
00:53:08Oh, my God, she's so annoying.
00:53:11Who is?
00:53:12- Who's this? - Gretchen.
00:53:14Right. Hold on.
00:53:18- Oh, my God, she's so annoying. - I know. Just get rid of her.
00:53:24OK. What is it?
00:53:26Regina says everyone hates you because you're such a slut.
00:53:29She said that?
00:53:31You didn't hear it from me.
00:53:34- Little harsh, Gretch. - Whatever. She has a right to know.
00:53:37I can't go out.
00:53:39I'm sick.
00:53:41Boo. You whore.
00:53:49Regina,
00:53:51we have to talk to you.
00:53:52Is butter a carb?
00:53:54Yes.
00:53:56Regina, you're wearing sweatpants.
00:53:59It's Monday.
00:54:01- So? - So that's against the rules
00:54:03and you can't sit with us.
00:54:05Whatever. Those rules aren't real.
00:54:08They were real that day I wore a vest.
00:54:10- Because that vest was disgusting. - You can't sit with us!
00:54:20These sweatpants are all that fits me right now.
00:54:29Fine.
00:54:31You can walk home, bitches.
00:54:34Watch where you're going, fat-ass!
00:54:44Gretchen and Karen followed me around all afternoon.
00:54:47- So, what are we doing this weekend? - Yeah, what are we doing?
00:54:50Oh, I have to go to Madison with my parents.
00:54:52What...?
00:54:54We have tickets for this thing.
00:54:55- What? - What?
00:54:58Was I the new queen bee?
00:55:01I can try and get out of it.
00:55:03- Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.
00:55:04Because I told my friend Janis I'd go to her art show.
00:55:07We've had these tickets for months.
00:55:10You love Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
00:55:12But she's my friend, and I made her a promise.
00:55:15I think Cady's old enough to spend one night on her own.
00:55:21I had learned how to control everyone around me.
00:55:25Hey. I'm having a small get-together at my house tomorrow night.
00:55:28- Is Regina going? - No. Do you think I'm an idiot?
00:55:31No, it's just gonna be a few cool people,
00:55:33and you better be one of them, byotch.
00:55:35- Fine, I'll go. - Shut up.
00:55:37I love that shirt on you.
00:55:45Aaron Samuels was going to be in my touse at my party.
00:55:48Everything had to be perfect.
00:55:55And this time when Aaron saw me,
00:55:56I wouldn't be caught in some ridiculous costume.
00:56:00Hey, guys.
00:56:02- You look awesome! - You look awesome!
00:56:04I know, right?
00:56:06OK, so I got enough cheese and crackers for eight people.
00:56:08Do you think that's enough?
00:56:10- Yeah. - Yeah. Oh, yeah.
00:56:12OK.
00:56:17It was not enough.
00:56:19Somehow, the word had gotten out about my small get-together.
00:56:22Jason is here with Taylor Wedell.
00:56:24He's just using her to make you mad.
00:56:26- Have you guys seen Aaron yet? - No.
00:56:30Dude, put on "The Ramayana Monkey Chant".
00:56:42- Do I know you? - Deek! What up, dog?
00:56:52She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me?
00:56:54- Who does she think she is? - You're right, hon.
00:56:56I, like, invented her, you know what I mean?
00:57:07Jason.
00:57:09I have to talk to you.
00:57:11Whatever.
00:57:14- I love you. - I know, I know.
00:57:19Hey! Put that down!
00:57:28Was Aaron blowing me off?
00:57:37What's up? Gretchen came to talk to me.
00:57:39- Oh, no. - Look,
00:57:41I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but I only date women of color.
00:57:46I have to pee.
00:58:00Get out.
00:58:47- Hey. - Hey.
00:58:48I've been looking for you everywhere.
00:58:49Me too.
00:58:53You look...
00:58:55- New clothes? - Thanks.
00:58:59You wanna go downstairs?
00:59:01No, no. Let's stay here.
00:59:06Thanks for getting me to come out tonight.
00:59:08Yeah, sure, no problem.
00:59:09I wasted too much time being pissed off at Regina.
00:59:12No more liars.
00:59:14I would never lie to you.
00:59:16I know, I know.
00:59:18Although...
00:59:20OK, listen. I mean, I did lie to you once,
00:59:22but you're totally gonna laugh when I tell you, so...
00:59:25Tell me what?
00:59:28I pretended to be bad at math so that you'd help me.
00:59:31But the thing is, I'm not really bad at math.
00:59:34I'm actually really good at math. You're kind of bad at math.
00:59:37Anyways, now I'm failing. Isn't that funny?
00:59:40Wait. You're failing on purpose? That's stupid.
00:59:43No. Not on purpose. Just, you know...
00:59:45I just wanted a reason to talk to you.
00:59:47So why didn't you just talk to me?
00:59:49Well, because I couldn't. Because of Regina.
00:59:51Because you were her property...
00:59:53- Her property? - No. Shut up. Not her property...
00:59:55No, don't tell me to shut up.
00:59:57- I wasn't... - God, you know what?
00:59:59You are just like a clone of Regina.
01:00:02Oh, no, no, listen to me. You're not listening to me...
01:00:05Oh, no. It was coming up again. Word vomit. No, wait a minute...
01:00:09- What is this?! - Actual vomit.
01:00:16Aaron!
01:00:17Aaron, wait! Just...
01:00:21OK. Call me.
01:00:28- Oh, God. - You dirty little liar.
01:00:31I'm sorry. I can explain.
01:00:33Explain how you forgot to invite us to your party?
01:00:36Janis, I cannot stop this car. I have a curfew.
01:00:37You know I couldn't invite you. I had to pretend to be Plastic.
01:00:40Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore.
01:00:43You're Plastic. Cold, shiny, hard Plastic.
01:00:46Curfew, 1 a.m. It is now 1:10.
01:00:48Did you have an awesome time?
01:00:50Did you drink awesome shooters and listen to awesome music,
01:00:53and then just sit around and soak up each other's awesomeness?
01:00:56You're the one who made me like this
01:00:58so you could use me for your eighth-grade revenge.
01:01:00God! See, at least me and Regina George know we're mean.
01:01:03You try to act like you're so innocent. Like, "Oh, I used to live in Africa
01:01:08with all the little birdies and the little monkeys."
01:01:10You know what? It's not my fault you're in love with me or something!
01:01:13- What?! - Oh, no she did not!
01:01:15See? That is the thing with you Plastics.
01:01:17You think that everybody is in love with you,
01:01:20when actually, everybody hates you.
01:01:22Like Aaron Samuels, for example.
01:01:24He broke up with Regina and guess what.
01:01:26He still doesn't want you.
01:01:28So why are you still messing with Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why.
01:01:31Because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch!
01:01:36Here. You can have this. It won a prize.
01:01:41And I want my pink shirt back!
01:01:44I want my pink shirt back!
01:02:01Hon, slow down.
01:02:02It's like I can't trust anyone anymore.
01:02:06Why are you eating a Kälteen bar?
01:02:08- I'm starving. - Man, I hate those things.
01:02:10Coach Carr makes us eat those when we wanna move up a weight class.
01:02:15What?
01:02:17They make you gain weight like crazy.
01:02:21Mother...
01:02:48This girl is the nastiest skank bitch
01:02:55I've ever met.
01:02:59Do not trust her. She is a fugly slut!
01:03:28I found it in the girls' bathroom. It's so mean, Mr. Duvall.
01:03:33Is this true?
01:03:35Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr?
01:03:38Good Lord.
01:03:41What's that say? "Kaitlyn Caussin is a..."?
01:03:44Fat whore.
01:03:49OK, calm down, Miss George.
01:03:51Why would someone write that? That's just so mean.
01:03:55Don't worry, we're gonna find out who did it.
01:03:58There's only three girls in the whole school who aren't in it.
01:04:01At your age, you're gonna be having a lot of urges.
01:04:04You're gonna want to take off your clothes and touch each other.
01:04:08But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia. And die.
01:04:12Coach Carr.
01:04:17Cady Heron, they wanna see you in the principal's office.
01:04:22All right, chlamydia. K-L-A...
01:04:29In here, Miss Heron.
01:04:39- What's going on? - Have a seat, Miss Heron.
01:04:46- Have you ever seen this before? - No.
01:04:49I mean, yes, I've seen it before, but it's not mine.
01:04:51You better get your story straight, Miss Heron,
01:04:53because I'm not messing around here.
01:04:55It's not ours, it's Regina's.
01:04:57Yeah, she's trying to make it look like we wrote it, but really, she wrote it.
01:05:01Miss Wieners, why would Regina refer to herself as a "fugly slut"?
01:05:10Miss Smith, this is no time to be laughing.
01:05:13We're gonna get to the bottom of this right now.
01:05:34Maybe we're not in that book, because everybody likes us.
01:05:37And I don't wanna be punished for being well-liked.
01:05:40And I don't think my father, the inventor of Toaster Strudel,
01:05:44would be too pleased to hear about this.
01:05:55"Made out with a hot dog"?
01:05:57Oh, my God, that was one time!
01:06:03"Dawn Schweitzer has a huge ass"? Who would write that?
01:06:07Who wouldn't write that?
01:06:10"Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr"?
01:06:13And so did Sun Jin Dinh.
01:06:22Hey! Hey! Settle down! All right, hey.
01:06:25No. You do not push and sh...
01:06:42Do you have anything else you wanna say?
01:06:44No, I can't answer any more questions
01:06:45until I have a parent or lawyer present.
01:06:48Miss Smith?
01:06:51Whoever wrote it probably didn't think anyone would ever see it?
01:06:54I hope that nobody else ever does see it.
01:07:08Mom, can you pick me up? I'm scared.
01:07:12- "Janis Ian, dyke"? - That's original.
01:07:14- "Too gay to function"?! - Hey!
01:07:16That's only OK when I say it.
01:07:19- Did you write this? - No, I swear!
01:07:22- Then you told somebody! - She told!
01:07:25- You little bitch! - You're a bitch!
01:07:30Yeah! Take your top off!
01:07:34- Now, here's what we're gonna do... - Ron, come quick!
01:07:36They've gone wild. The girls have gone wild.
01:07:49It was full-tilt jungle madness.
01:07:54And it wasn't going away.
01:08:03Hey, I pulled these two off each other.
01:08:06Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls.
01:08:13Let me help you down there.
01:08:15Hell, no! I did not leave the Southside for this!
01:08:23Oh, crap! My hair!
01:08:25All junior girls report to the gymnasium immediately! Immediately!
01:08:36Have you ever walked up to people
01:08:38and realized they were just talking about you?
01:08:42Have you ever had it happen 60 times in a row?
01:08:45I have.
01:09:06Never in my 14 years as an educator have I seen such behavior.
01:09:11And from young ladies.
01:09:13I got parents calling me on the phone asking, "Did someone get shot?"
01:09:18I ought to cancel your Spring Fling.
01:09:20No!
01:09:21- No. - What are we supposed to do?
01:09:23Now, I'm not gonna do that, because we've already paid the DJ.
01:09:26But don't think that I'm not taking this book seriously.
01:09:30Coach Carr has fled school property.
01:09:33Ms. Norbury has been accused of selling drugs.
01:09:37Now, what the young ladies in this grade need
01:09:39is an attitude makeover.
01:09:42And you're gonna get it right now.
01:09:44I don't care how long it takes, I will keep you here all night.
01:09:49We can't keep them past 4.
01:09:50I will keep you here until 4.
01:09:54Now, what we're gonna try to do is fix the way you young ladies
01:09:57relate to each other.
01:09:59OK? Lady to lady.
01:10:01So who has a lady problem that they'd like to talk about?
01:10:08Yes?
01:10:10Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin
01:10:13because I use super-jumbo tampons.
01:10:15But I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina.
01:10:21Yeah, I can't do this.
01:10:23Ms. Norbury.
01:10:25You're a successful, intelligent, caring, graceful woman.
01:10:29I am?
01:10:30There has to be something you can say to these young ladies.
01:10:33Something to help them with their self-esteem?
01:10:35It's not a self-esteem problem.
01:10:37I think they're all pretty pleased with themselves.
01:10:41OK.
01:10:44OK. Everybody close your eyes.
01:10:49I want you to raise your hand if you have ever had a girl
01:10:52say something bad about you behind your back.
01:10:57Open your eyes.
01:11:01Now, close your eyes again.
01:11:02And this time, I want you to raise your hand if you have ever
01:11:05said anything about a friend behind her back.
01:11:14Open them.
01:11:20There's been some girl-on-girl crime here.
01:11:24OK. So, what we could do today is a couple exercises to help you
01:11:28express your anger in a healthy way.
01:11:32Let's start over here.
01:11:33Ms. Norbury had us confront each other directly
01:11:35about the things that were bothering us.
01:11:37And it seemed like every clique had its own problems.
01:11:39You've been acting really stuck-up ever since you switched to shortfielder.
01:11:42And Dawn agrees with me.
01:11:44- Dawn? - Don't drag me into this,
01:11:46I'm pitching tomorrow.
01:11:55OK. Good.
01:11:58Can I just say that we don't have a clique problem at this school?
01:12:01And some of us shouldn't have to take this workshop, because some of us
01:12:04are just victims in this situation.
01:12:06That's probably true. How many of you
01:12:09have ever felt personally victimized by Regina George?
01:12:22Good. OK, who's next?
01:12:25Who's next?
01:12:29Cady.
01:12:30Do you have anything you wanna own up to?
01:12:33Yes. No.
01:12:35You never made up a rumor about anybody?
01:12:38Just that you sell drugs.
01:12:39No.
01:12:41Nothing you want to apologize for?
01:12:44I couldn't apologize to Ms. Norbury
01:12:45without getting blamed for the whole Burn Book.
01:12:48No.
01:12:50I'm really disappointed in you, Cady.
01:12:55OK, so we're all here because of this book, right?
01:12:58Well, I don't know who wrote this book,
01:13:01but you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores.
01:13:05It just makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores.
01:13:08Who here has ever been called a slut?
01:13:15OK, everybody up.
01:13:17Ms. Norbury had us write out apologies
01:13:19to people that we'd hurt in our lives.
01:13:21"Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch."
01:13:25"It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed."
01:13:32"Gretchen,
01:13:34"I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea"
01:13:36"at Barnes and Noble."
01:13:38"And I'm sorry I told everyone about it."
01:13:40And I'm sorry for repeating it now.
01:13:48Laura, I don't hate you because you're fat.
01:13:50You're fat because I hate you.
01:13:56I just wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school.
01:14:00I wish that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles,
01:14:04and we'd all eat it and be happy.
01:14:06She doesn't even go here!
01:14:10Do you even go to this school?
01:14:12No. I just have a lot of feelings.
01:14:16OK, go home.
01:14:22Sharon, I think you're doing a great job.
01:14:23Thanks. I feel like I'm getting through.
01:14:25I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me.
01:14:28But I can't help it that I'm popular.
01:14:36Oh, my God! Oh, jeez. OK, walk it off. Walk it off.
01:14:39OK. That hurt.
01:14:42They're OK.
01:14:44They're OK.
01:14:47Oh, boy. OK, who's next? Who's next? Keep it going.
01:14:55Oh, my God. It's her dream come true, diving into a big pile of girls.
01:15:01OK, yeah, I've got an apology.
01:15:06So I have this friend who is a new student this year.
01:15:11And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Regina George's life.
01:15:15So I had her pretend to be friends with Regina,
01:15:18and then she would come to my house after
01:15:19and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Regina said.
01:15:22And we gave her these candy bar things
01:15:24that would make her gain weight,
01:15:26and we turned her best friends against her.
01:15:28And then... Oh, yeah, Cady... You know my friend Cady.
01:15:32She made out with Regina's boyfriend
01:15:34and then convinced him to break up with her.
01:15:36Oh, God, and we gave you foot cream instead of face wash.
01:15:39God! I am so sorry, Regina.
01:15:42Really, I don't know why I did it.
01:15:44I guess it's probably because I've got a big lesbian crush on you.
01:15:49Suck on that!
01:15:52Janis! Janis! Janis! Janis!
01:16:03Regina!
01:16:05Regina, wait! I didn't mean for that to happen.
01:16:07To find out that everyone hates me? I don't care.
01:16:10Regina, please! Regina, stop!
01:16:12No! Do you know what everyone says about you?
01:16:15They say that you're a home-schooled jungle freak,
01:16:17who's a less-hot version of me.
01:16:19Yeah. So don't try to act so innocent.
01:16:22You can take that fake apology and shove it right up your hairy...
01:16:29And that's how Regina George died.
01:16:32No, I'm totally kidding. But she did get hurt.
01:16:35Some girls say they saw her head go all the way around.
01:16:37But that's just a rumor. Some people swear they saw me
01:16:40push her in front of the bus. That was an even worse rumor.
01:16:45- Everybody done? - No. Mom, I didn't do it.
01:16:48I don't know what to believe anymore.
01:16:50Mom, believe me. I'm your daughter.
01:16:56Why are my tribal vases under the sink?
01:16:59My tribal vases. Why were they under the sink?
01:17:02I don't know.
01:17:04This is the fertility vase of the Ndebele tribe.
01:17:06- Does that mean anything to you? - No.
01:17:10Who are you?
01:17:17Great. All my friends hate me, and now my mom hates me.
01:17:21Your mom does not hate you.
01:17:23She's afraid of you.
01:17:26I don't know, maybe we mainstream-schooled you too soon.
01:17:31Maybe you should come back and be home-schooled again for a while.
01:17:35No. Only thing worse than going back will be not going back.
01:17:40How bad's it gonna be tomorrow?
01:17:42Remember when we saw those lions fighting over the wart hog carcass?
01:17:46I'll be the wart hog.
01:17:48You're not a wart hog,
01:17:49you're a lion.
01:17:52Just focus on your studies for a little while.
01:17:54You're still an excellent student, right?
01:17:57Oh, yeah. I need you to sign my calculus test.
01:18:01- Why? - I'm failing.
01:18:06OK. You are...
01:18:10What do they call it?
01:18:12Grounded.
01:18:14You're grounded.
01:18:44She pushed her in front of the bus.
01:18:46Did you see her do it?
01:18:48Yes.
01:19:04Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or Ecstasy tablets?
01:19:08- No. - What are marijuana tablets?
01:19:11What's going on? Where's Ms. Norbury?
01:19:13Mr. Duvall, this is ridiculous. Ms. Norbury does not sell drugs.
01:19:17I know, Aaron. But after the allegations against Coach Carr
01:19:21turned out to be extremely true,
01:19:23the school board felt that it was best that we investigate every claim made
01:19:27in this Burn Book.
01:19:28That book was written by a bunch of stupid girls
01:19:31who make up rumors because they're bored
01:19:33with their own lame lives.
01:19:35Well, unless someone wants to come forward and say, "I made it all up",
01:19:38this is how we have to handle it. To say that someone...
01:19:40Oh, no. Bye, Aaron. You're gonna hate me forever.
01:19:46Mr. Duvall.
01:19:48I wrote it.
01:19:52Come on, Cady.
01:20:01When you get bit by a snake,
01:20:03you're supposed to suck the poison out.
01:20:05That's what I had to do. Suck all the poison out of my life.
01:20:09I started with Regina,
01:20:11who was living proof that the more people are scared of you,
01:20:13the more flowers you get.
01:20:16Then there was Ms. Norbury,
01:20:17who was living proof that no good deed goes unpunished.
01:20:22Oh, hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs?
01:20:24- I'm just done with my quiz. - Wait. I'll grade it right now.
01:20:33I gotta say, watching the police search my house
01:20:35really was the cherry on top of a fantastic year.
01:20:40How much trouble did you get in for telling the truth?
01:20:43A lot.
01:20:44You didn't write that whole book yourself.
01:20:46Did you tell Mr. Duvall who else did it?
01:20:48No, because I'm trying this new thing
01:20:50where I don't talk about people behind their backs.
01:20:53That's all right. Gething hit by a bus is pretty good punishment.
01:20:56Ninety-four.
01:20:57Welcome back, nerd.
01:21:00Thanks.
01:21:02Anyway...
01:21:04...l'm sorry.
01:21:06I forgive you.
01:21:08But as my own personal form of punishment,
01:21:10I figured out how you're gonna earn that extra credit.
01:21:14What's up?
01:22:14Excellent. Great turnout this year.
01:22:24- All right. It's all you. - OK.
01:22:26- Make me look good out there. - OK.
01:22:28Marymount, you sons of bitches. You no-good sons of bitches.
01:22:33- You nervous? - Yes.
01:22:34Don't be. You can do this. There's nothing to break your focus,
01:22:38because not one of those Marymount boys is cute.
01:22:42Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
01:22:44Welcome to the Illinois High School Mathletes State Championship.
01:22:47Let's start the competition. Here is the first question.
01:22:50Twice the larger of two numbers is three more than five times
01:22:53the smaller, and the sum of four times the larger
01:22:56and three times the smaller is 71. What are...?
01:22:59- North Shore? - Fourteen and five.
01:23:01That is correct. Question number two.
01:23:03Find an odd three-digit number whose digits add up to 12.
01:23:06The digits are all different, and the difference between the first two digits
01:23:10equals the difference between...
01:23:11- Marymount? - 741.
01:23:13- Correct. - Shoot. I was really rusty.
01:23:17- Where's Cady? - She went out.
01:23:20She's grounded.
01:23:22Are they not allowed out when they're grounded?
01:23:32Don't forget to vote for Spring Fling King and Queen, people.
01:23:35These A-holes will represent you for a full calendar year.
01:23:38I'm gonna vote for Regina George because she got hit by that bus.
01:23:41I'm voting for Cady Heron because she pushed her.
01:23:53She's supposed to be grounded, but he let her out.
01:23:56After 87 minutes of very competitive play, we have a tie.
01:24:00In the event of a tie, we move into a sudden-death round.
01:24:04Each team is given the opportunity to choose their opponent.
01:24:08- North Shore, who do you select? - The girl, dude. The girl.
01:24:12Contestant Krafft.
01:24:13From Marymount, Miss Caroline Krafft.
01:24:19We pick the girl too.
01:24:21And from North Shore, Miss Cady Heron.
01:24:24It's Cady.
01:24:26Oh, my God, that's me.
01:24:36Miss Caroline Krafft seriously needed to pluck her eyebrows.
01:24:39Her outfit looked like it was picked out by a blind Sunday school teacher.
01:24:44And she had some 99-cent lip gloss on her snaggletooth.
01:24:47And that's when I realized, making fun of Caroline Krafft
01:24:50wouldn't stop her from beating me in this contest.
01:24:53Contestants, find the limit of this equation.
01:24:57Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier.
01:25:00Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter.
01:25:02And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier.
01:25:06All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.
01:25:11- The limit is negative one. - Oh, crap. I lost.
01:25:14That answer is incorrect.
01:25:16Now, we are in a sudden death. If Miss Heron can answer
01:25:19this problem correctly, we have a winner.
01:25:22Limits. Why couldn't I remember anything about limits?
01:25:25Limits. That was the week Aaron got his hair cut.
01:25:28Oh, God, he looked so cute. OK, focus, Cady.
01:25:31What was on the board behind Aaron's head?
01:25:34If the limit never approaches anything...
01:25:37The limit does not exist.
01:25:39The limit does not exist!
01:25:40Our new state champions,
01:25:43- the North Shore Mathletes. - Yeah!
01:25:54How do you like me now?
01:25:56You like that? Yeah! Get some! Get some!
01:26:00Awesome. You went with the leather sleeves.
01:26:03- Africa, you did the damn thing. - Thanks.
01:26:06Thanks, K.G.
01:26:08We're gonna look so kick-ass in these when we roll into Spring Fling.
01:26:11- Oh, no, I'm not going. - What?
01:26:13Cady, this is your night. Don't let the haters
01:26:15stop you from doing your thang.
01:26:17Did you just say "thang"?
01:26:19Cady, you don't have to punish yourself forever.
01:26:21But I'm grounded.
01:26:23You're already out.
01:26:35All right, do we have all of our nominees
01:26:38for king and queen on the stage?
01:26:40OK, good. I just wanted to say that you're all winners.
01:26:45And I could not be happier that this school year's ending.
01:26:49Here we go. The winner of the Spring Fling King,
01:26:56- Shane Oman. - Yes!
01:26:59That's what I'm talking about!
01:27:04And your Spring Fling Queen,
01:27:06future co-chair of the Student Activities Board
01:27:09and winner of two gift certificates
01:27:12to the Walker Brothers Pancake House,
01:27:14Cady Heron.
01:27:20Where is Cady?
01:27:24There she is.
01:27:42Thanks.
01:27:46Well, half the people in this room are mad at me.
01:27:48And the other half only like me
01:27:51because they think I pushed somebody in front of a bus.
01:27:55So that's not good.
01:27:58You know, it's not really required of you to make a speech.
01:28:00I'm almost done, I swear.
01:28:03To all the people whose feelings that got hurt by the Burn Book,
01:28:09I'm really sorry.
01:28:12You know, I've never been to one of these things before.
01:28:15And when I think about how many people wanted this
01:28:19and how many people cried over it and stuff...
01:28:23I mean, I think everybody looks like royalty tonight.
01:28:27Look at Jessica Lopez. That dress is amazing.
01:28:32And Emma Gerber, I mean, that hairdo must have taken hours,
01:28:35and you look really pretty.
01:28:39So...
01:28:41...why is everybody stressing over this thing?
01:28:43I mean, it's just plastic. Could really just...
01:28:51Share it.
01:28:52A piece for Gretchen Wieners, a partial Spring Fling Queen.
01:28:59A piece for Janis Ian.
01:29:03Seriously, most people just take the crown and go.
01:29:06And a piece for Regina George.
01:29:08She fractured her spine, and she still looks like a rock star.
01:29:13Thank you.
01:29:15And some for everybody else.
01:29:27God, Mr. Duvall, can you wrap it up?
01:29:30Thanks.
01:29:32All right, have a good time, everyone.
01:29:41Look. I'm a queen.
01:29:43As am I.
01:29:45- Hey. - Hey.
01:29:48So are we still in a fight?
01:29:50Are you still an asshole?
01:29:52I don't think so.
01:29:54Well, then I guess we're OK.
01:29:56Oh, my God, I love this song!
01:29:58I hate this song.
01:29:59I know this song!
01:30:03Man candy, stage right.
01:30:07- Hey, what's up? - Hey. Didn't think you'd make it.
01:30:13On behalf of the senior class, I'd like to present you with two gift certificates...
01:30:16- Thanks, sucker. - Yo, peace.
01:30:19One gift certificate to the Walker Brothers Pancake House.
01:30:23Thank you.
01:30:29Congratulations on winning State.
01:30:33I was so nervous. They made us do limits.
01:30:34I thought I was gonna hurl.
01:30:36- How's your stomach now? - It's fine.
01:30:39- Do you feel nauseous at all? - No.
01:30:42- Have you been drinking? - No.
01:30:44OK.
01:30:46Grool.
01:31:12No.
01:31:15- What's up? - Can I help you?
01:31:19You Puerto Rican?
01:31:20Lebanese.
01:31:22I feel that.
01:31:39In case you're wondering, The Plastics broke up.
01:31:42Regina's spine healed, and her physical therapist
01:31:44taught her to channel all her rage into sports.
01:31:51It was perfect because the jock girls weren't afraid of her.
01:31:58Karen used her special talents to do the morning weather announcements.
01:32:02Hi. This is Karen Smith. It's 68 degrees,
01:32:06and there's a 30 percent chance that it's already raining.
01:32:11And Gretchen found herself a new clique
01:32:13and a new queen bee to serve.
01:32:19Aaron went to Northwestern, so I still get to see him on weekends.
01:32:23And me?
01:32:24I had gone from home-schooled jungle freak to shiny Plastic
01:32:27to most hated person in the world to actual human being.
01:32:30Hey.
01:32:32All the drama from last year just wasn't important anymore.
01:32:36School used to be like a shark tank, but now I could just float.
01:32:40Regina.
01:32:41Finally, Girl World was at peace.
01:32:46Hey, check it out. Junior Plastics.
01:32:50And if any freshmen tried to disturb that peace...
01:32:54Well, let's just say we knew how to take care of it.
01:33:03Just kidding.

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