|00:00:52||My name is Happy Gilmore.|
|00:00:55||Ever since I was old enough to skate,
I loved hockey.|
|00:01:00||I wasn't really
the greatest skater.|
|00:01:03||But that didn't keep my dad
from teaching me...|
|00:01:06||...the secret of making
a great slap shot.|
|00:01:11||My dad worshipped hockey.
My mom didn't.|
|00:01:15||So she moved to Egypt, where there's
not a hockey rink within 1500 miles.|
|00:01:20||Dad took me to games
to see our favorite player...|
"The Tasmanian Devil".|
|00:01:26||He wasn't a big guy,
but he feared nobody, just like me.|
|00:01:31||Handsome fellow, huh? He said
when I grew up, I could be anything.|
|00:01:36||But all I ever wanted to be
was a hockey player.|
|00:01:40||My childhood was going great,
but life is full of surprises.|
|00:01:52||After the funeral, I was sent to live
with my grandma in Waterbury.|
|00:02:03||I was nervous,
since I didn't know her that well.|
|00:02:07||She dressed like Gene Simmons
from KISS to cheer me up.|
|00:02:11||She's the sweetest person
in the world.|
|00:02:18||After my dad died,
I developed a short fuse.|
|00:02:21||That kid stole my party blower.|
|00:02:23||Instead of asking for it back,
I hit him in the head repeatedly...|
|00:02:27||with a hammer.|
|00:02:28||Most of the time, I was quick to say
I was sorry.|
|00:02:34||Years later, I played junior hockey
and still hold two league records...|
|00:02:38||...most time spent
in a penalty box...|
|00:02:40||...and I was the only guy to ever try
to stab someone with his skates.|
|00:02:46||After I graduated, I had
a lot of different jobs.|
|00:02:49||I was a road worker...|
|00:02:58||...a security guard...|
|00:03:04||...a gas station attendant...|
|00:03:09||...and a plumber.|
|00:03:12||Lately, I've been working
construction. It's not bad.|
|00:03:16||I'm a good shot
with a nail gun.|
|00:03:19||But one day my boss, Mr. Larson,
got in the way.|
|00:03:24||Apparently, he also has a short fuse.
Look at the monster.|
|00:03:29||He got in a few lucky punches,
but I feel I won the fight.|
|00:03:33||Anyway, those jobs
weren't for me.|
|00:03:36||I was put on this planet
for one reason... to play hockey.|
|00:03:41||It's my puck, baby!
Don't you ever touch my puck!|
|00:03:46||Is that Gilmore again?
How many times has he tried out?|
|00:03:50||At least ten times.|
|00:03:52||He has a lot of intensity.|
|00:03:56||Not a strong skater, though.|
|00:03:58||Nor the best puck handler.|
|00:04:04||But, my God...|
|00:04:09||What a shot.|
|00:04:12||It that goal regulation size
|00:04:23||...number fifty-two... number sixteen...|
|00:04:26||They saw my power.
They won't dog me this year.|
|00:04:32||...and number forty-three.
The rest of you...|
|00:04:36||...better luck next year.|
|00:04:39||Coach, what's going on?
What about me?|
|00:04:44||I called your number,
|00:04:47||No, you didn't.|
|00:04:50||Well, better luck next year.|
|00:04:53||That wasn't very nice!|
|00:05:02||You think you're better
|00:05:09||Where you going?
I got Subway.|
|00:05:11||I already ate.|
|00:05:13||I knew the guy working there,
so we got extra meatballs.|
|00:05:16||Great. I got to run.|
|00:05:18||Can you stay?
I had a rough day.|
|00:05:22||- When will you be back?
|00:05:32||Wait! Hold on a second, babe.|
|00:05:35||You're not going for good,
|00:05:38||You're going nowhere
and taking me with you.|
|00:05:41||All you ever talk about is being a pro
hockey player, but you're not any good.|
|00:05:46||I am good! You know what?
You're a lousy kindergarten teacher!|
|00:05:50||I saw the finger paintings
you bring home... they suck!|
|00:05:55||I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
They're excellent finger paintings.|
|00:06:00||Please don't go.|
|00:06:02||I'm not spending the rest of my life
with a loser.|
|00:06:06||Good! Get the hell out of my life!
Who needs you? Beat it!|
I didn't mean that.|
|00:06:14||I just yell
'cause I get so scared.|
|00:06:17||Scared of being a nobody.|
|00:06:20||Why don't you come back
|00:06:23||I'll give you the old smoochy-smoo
|00:06:28||You know Happy
will make everything okay.|
|00:06:39||I want to kiss you all over|
|00:06:43||And over and again|
|00:06:46||I want to kiss you all over|
|00:06:52||Till the night closes in|
|00:06:56||Till the night closes in|
I'll be right over.|
|00:07:26||Hey, you don't want breakfast?|
|00:07:43||Put that down!
It's my grandmother's!|
|00:07:46||Cut it out, kid.
We're just doing our job.|
|00:07:49||What are you talking about?|
hasn't paid taxes in 10 years.|
|00:07:55||Grandma, you didn't pay
|00:07:58||I would have,
but I didn't have any money.|
|00:08:02||Where are you taking her stuff?|
|00:08:04||I'm not taking her stuff,
the government is.|
|00:08:07||It's not like I'm taking her stuff
over to my place.|
|00:08:11||Don't get mad at me.|
|00:08:13||But she's an old lady.
Look at her. She's old.|
|00:08:17||You can't just take her stuff.
She's too old.|
|00:08:21||I'm sorry. I have no discretion.
Her stuff is now our stuff.|
|00:08:26||Well, at least we got the house.|
|00:08:29||I'll bring furniture from my place.
We'll be okay.|
|00:08:33||Now you'll really be mad.
I'm taking the house, too.|
|00:08:36||My grandfather built this house
with his bare hands.|
|00:08:40||My grandma's been here over 60 years.
You can't take her house.|
|00:08:44||Mrs. Gilmore owes the IRS
$270,000 in back taxes.|
|00:08:49||We have to take the house.|
|00:08:52||If you can't repay the money in 90
days, we sell the house to someone else.|
|00:08:57||You hate me, don't you?|
|00:08:59||No, I don't hate you.|
|00:09:07||He hates me.|
things will be okay.|
|00:09:14||Look at this place.|
|00:09:16||Silver Acres Rest Home.
It looks more like a country club.|
|00:09:21||Nice grass, nice people.|
|00:09:23||I hope you brought
your bathing suit.|
|00:09:26||You're going to make friends
in no time.|
|00:09:30||Get me out of here!!!|
|00:09:35||Here, eat that!
Leave us alone!|
|00:09:39||Grandma, you could come
live with me.|
You're a grown man.|
|00:09:45||I wouldn't burden you
like that and that's final.|
|00:09:48||Tell me, how is that nice girlfriend
|00:09:52||She got hit by a car.
|00:09:54||Listen, I will get that $270,000
and get your house back.|
|00:10:01||In the meantime, just stay here
and have some fun.|
|00:10:06||I will, dear. Don't worry.|
but it's nap time.|
|00:10:12||Nap time... that sounds nice.|
|00:10:15||- You go.
- I love you.|
|00:10:18||I love you, too, darling.|
|00:10:23||Buddy, do me a favor.
You see that lady?|
|00:10:26||She's very important to me.|
|00:10:29||I want you to take
extra special care of her.|
|00:10:33||You know what I mean?|
|00:10:35||I can't accept that.
But this is what I can do.|
|00:10:38||I can take extra special care
of that young lady for nothing.|
|00:10:43||I appreciate that.|
|00:10:46||Have a nice afternoon.|
|00:10:49||Sir, could I trouble you for a glass of
warm milk? It helps put me to sleep.|
|00:10:54||You could trouble me for a warm glass
of shut the hell up.|
|00:10:59||Go to sleep
or I will put you to sleep.|
|00:11:01||Check out the name tag.
You're in my world now, Grandma.|
|00:11:09||Bet you I can hit a ball
past that tree.|
|00:11:12||Twenty bucks says you can't.|
|00:11:14||Morons, I told you I want to watch
the hockey game.|
|00:11:18||Cut the golf sissy crap
and finish up.|
|00:11:22||You can enjoy your grandma's
possessions for another half hour.|
|00:11:28||Oh, you got a hold of that one!|
|00:11:31||- You try it.
- It's not as easy as it looks.|
I'm not the golfing type.|
|00:11:37||You hit a ball past my ball...|
|00:11:39||...we'll finish work so you can watch
your hockey game.|
|00:11:43||Give me the stupid club.|
|00:11:51||Look at this stupid thing.|
|00:11:53||This will be hilarious.
Look how he's standing.|
|00:11:57||You like that?|
|00:12:15||Back to work.|
|00:12:16||That house is 400 yards away.|
|00:12:18||Is that good?|
|00:12:19||- That's unbelievable.
- Beginner's luck.|
|00:12:22||I bet $20 you can't do it again.|
|00:12:24||Bring it on.|
|00:12:39||You boys are going to pay
|00:12:44||- You hit him!
- He shouldn't have been standing there.|
|00:12:47||One more time.
Double or nothing.|
|00:12:49||You better pay up.|
|00:13:01||Oops. Maybe we should
get back inside.|
|00:13:04||You made a bet.
Pay the man.|
|00:13:25||Thanks. Tell your friends.|
|00:13:27||Step right up, folks!|
|00:13:29||See if you can outdrive the amazing
Golf Ball, uh, Whacker Guy!|
|00:13:42||Bend your knees. Remember,
it's in the hips. You're doing great.|
|00:13:46||It's in the hips.|
|00:13:48||Fifty bucks I can hit it
over the highway.|
|00:14:00||That's real good.|
|00:14:03||So long, sucker.|
|00:14:10||How often do you play?|
|00:14:12||This is my first time.|
|00:14:15||You should play
in the Waterbury Open tomorrow.|
|00:14:18||Yeah, right, I'll see you there.|
|00:14:24||He's going to play.|
|00:14:26||And, by God,
he's going to win.|
|00:14:39||Mister, you need a helmet.|
|00:14:41||Don't worry about it.|
|00:14:49||Yeah, bring that shit on.|
|00:14:52||I love it.|
|00:14:55||God, that hurt,
but I'm okay.|
|00:14:58||What the hell
are you doing?|
|00:15:00||Just 364 more days till the next
hockey tryouts. I got to get tough.|
|00:15:06||God, that felt good.|
|00:15:07||Cut that out.
You're making me sick.|
|00:15:12||So you're a hockey player.|
|00:15:14||You got to give that up
and concentrate on golf.|
|00:15:18||Who are you?|
|00:15:19||I'm the club pro here...
|00:15:22||I'm offering to teach you
how to play golf, personally, for free.|
|00:15:28||You don't know who I am,
|00:15:30||No, I don't.|
|00:15:31||Back in 1965...|
|00:15:34||...Sports Illustrated said I would be
the next Arnold Palmer.|
|00:15:39||I wasn't allowed
to play pro anymore.|
Because you're black?|
An alligator bit my hand off.|
|00:15:47||Oh, my God!|
|00:15:49||Tournament in Florida.
My ball went down by a lake.|
|00:15:52||Damn alligator just popped up!
Cut me down in my prime.|
|00:15:57||But I tore one of that bastard's eyes
out. Look at that.|
|00:16:02||You're pretty sick, Chubbs.|
|00:16:04||I've never seen anyone...|
|00:16:06||...who can hit the ball
half as far as you. You got real talent.|
|00:16:10||That's nice of you to say, but
I trained all my life to play hockey.|
|00:16:14||Golf is no different... requires talent,
|00:16:18||Golf requires goofy pants
and a fat ass.|
|00:16:21||Talk to my neighbor... a great golfer.
|00:16:24||I bet your neighbor can't drive
the ball 400 yards.|
|00:16:28||I bet your neighbor doesn't have a shot
to get on the Pro Tour.|
|00:16:33||How would I do that?|
|00:16:35||You win the Open tomorrow,
you're on the Pro Tour.|
|00:16:38||Then, who knows? Maybe you'll win
the Tour Championship.|
|00:16:42||Get that gold jacket
I never got.|
|00:16:44||Gold jacket, green jacket...
|00:16:52||Don't worry. It's made of wood...
|00:17:01||Sorry about that.|
|00:17:03||It was good to meet you,
|00:17:08||I'm out of here.|
|00:17:10||This is not real smart, kid.|
|00:17:12||I thought you were pro material,
primed for the big bucks.|
|00:17:24||...what kind of big bucks?|
|00:17:33||Stupid golf clubs.
Why the hell am I doing this?|
|00:17:40||Whoa... must be Burt Reynolds
|00:17:47||Isn't this great? Blue skies,
fresh-cut grass, birds chirping.|
|00:17:52||You going to recite me a poem?
Geez, you love this golf stuff.|
|00:17:57||A guy your size... why not play
a real sport, like football?|
|00:18:01||My mama wouldn't let me.
Said it was too dangerous.|
|00:18:04||Yeah, good call.|
|00:18:07||Hey, who's that?|
|00:18:09||The shorter guy is Doug Thompson,
president of the Tour.|
|00:18:13||The other guy is Shooter McGavin,
leading money winner this year.|
|00:18:17||Who's the girl?|
|00:18:19||I'm Virginia Venit, Director
of Public Relations for the Tour.|
|00:18:23||Of course. I've heard you've done
some really interesting things.|
|00:18:27||Right now I'm working
on a promotion...|
|00:18:31||You know what would be great?
If I could get a Pepsi.|
|00:18:44||Hey, thanks for dressing up.|
|00:18:47||If I wore clothes like those,
I'd have to kick my own ass.|
|00:18:51||Good morning, everyone.|
|00:18:52||Welcome to the Waterbury Open.
Before we begin, I have a treat for you.|
|00:18:57||Ladies and gentlemen,
|00:19:06||Thank you, Doug.
I saw Doug play yesterday.|
|00:19:09||He spends more time in the sand
than David Hasselhoff.|
|00:19:13||Let me get serious.
You're all aware...|
|00:19:16||...today's winner will be invited
to join the Pro Tour.|
|00:19:21||Although only one will become
|00:19:24||...all of you are now my friends.|
Now go get 'em!|
|00:19:34||Next up: Lafferty, Daniel
and Gilmore... Happy.|
|00:19:42||Where you taking
those clubs, punk?!|
I'm your caddy.|
|00:19:48||Sorry. I'll carry these.|
|00:19:51||They're my grandfather's.
They're pretty old.|
|00:19:54||What should I do then?|
|00:19:56||Why don't you just watch me...|
|00:19:59||...and make sure
I don't do anything stupid?|
|00:20:04||Mr. Gilmore, Mr. Lafferty
is teeing off now.|
|00:20:07||Okay. Good luck, buddy.|
|00:20:11||Get out of the way.|
|00:20:21||Where were you that time,
|00:20:37||Probably the best I'll hit
|00:20:39||Mr. Gilmore, you're up.|
|00:21:08||Relax. Do what we discussed.
Don't look at the green.|
|00:21:12||Hit the ball. There's no goalie
anywhere to block it.|
|00:21:15||Remember, it's all in the hip.
Come on. Work with me.|
|00:21:19||It's all in the hips.
All in the hips.|
|00:21:23||It's all in the hips.|
|00:21:26||Get off me!|
|00:21:27||Just easing the tension.
Just easing the tension.|
|00:21:30||Well, ease it on someone else.|
|00:21:51||What the hell?|
|00:21:56||Good. Now we just worry
|00:21:59||Oh, yeah. Putting.|
|00:22:02||Remember what I said.|
|00:22:05||Use your shoulders
to push the ball, not the arms.|
|00:22:08||Don't break the wrist.|
|00:22:10||Whoa, you're confusing me.
Just let me put the ball in the hole.|
|00:22:29||Is he kidding?|
|00:22:51||This is pathetic.|
|00:23:08||It's about time.|
|00:23:09||True. I just couldn't get the ball in
the hole. I wanted to, but I couldn't.|
|00:23:45||He shoots, he scores!|
|00:23:48||That was much easier than putting.
I should try and do that every time.|
|00:23:54||- Did you see that?
- Yes. Nice.|
|00:23:57||He got a hole in one
on a par four.|
|00:23:59||I said I saw it.|
|00:24:01||I hope he wins.
He's a publicist's dream.|
|00:24:04||A guy who can drive the ball
that far... he could really draw a crowd.|
|00:24:09||So could a golfer with an arm
growing out of his ass.|
|00:25:25||Now, you make this one
in four or less shots...|
|00:25:29||...you win the tournament.|
|00:25:32||Think of it this way. The other team
has pulled their goalie.|
|00:25:37||It's wide open.
All you have to do is tap it in.|
|00:25:41||I can do that.|
You're doing fine.|
|00:26:04||All you have to do is tap it in.
Just tap it in.|
|00:26:09||Just tap it in.|
|00:26:18||Just tap it in. Just tap it in.
Give it a little tappy.|
|00:26:23||Tap, tap, tap-a-roo.|
|00:26:48||He's going to be on the Tour.
|00:26:57||Mr. Gilmore, Virginia Venit.
I'm P.R. Director of the Tour.|
|00:27:02||Nice to meet you.|
|00:27:05||I saw that hole in one on a par four.
That must be a record.|
|00:27:09||I got a hockey record.|
|00:27:11||I tried to stab someone with my skate.
Nobody else ever did that.|
|00:27:17||I am a bit bummed.
I thought we got money for this.|
|00:27:21||Cheer up. Next week in Portland,
the winner takes home $216,000.|
|00:27:26||And the guy
who comes in last?|
|00:27:30||So no matter what,
I'll get some money.|
|00:27:36||Yeah. Well, I'll see you
next week then.|
|00:27:44||I hate to admit this,
but this is my first trophy.|
|00:27:48||I wish that goofy golf guy
wasn't on top.|
|00:27:51||Maybe I'll put a hockey guy
|00:27:53||Happy, shut your trap.|
|00:27:56||- You were great out there today.
- Thank you.|
|00:27:58||But not that great.
A lot of that was luck.|
|00:28:02||Some might call it luck.
I like to call it...|
|00:28:05||...well, luck, I guess.
|00:28:07||Don't join the Pro Tour yet.|
|00:28:09||We got work to do
before you go against professionals.|
I'll pick up the rest as I go.|
|00:28:15||Don't be a fool! People would kill
to hit the long ball like you.|
|00:28:19||You got an advantage
over any other golfer.|
|00:28:22||By developing the rest
of your game...|
|00:28:25||...you'd be unstoppable.|
but I need money.|
|00:28:30||Don't be an asshole. Give me six
months. I'll work with you every day.|
|00:28:35||No, I got to go. I appreciate
everything. Wish me luck.|
|00:28:44||Best of luck, kid.
Best of luck.|
|00:28:46||Marty, shut up
and I'll tell you.|
|00:28:50||The price is $200 per quilt.|
|00:28:52||Well, this is handmade
|00:28:56||When do you need them by?
|00:28:59||Good doing business
|00:29:00||Okay, everyone. Turn up your volumes.
|00:29:04||Good news... arts and crafts time
is extended 4 hours.|
|00:29:07||My fingers hurt.|
|00:29:12||My fingers hurt.|
|00:29:15||Well, soon your back will hurt
because you just got landscaping duty.|
|00:29:20||Anyone else's fingers hurt?|
|00:29:24||I didn't think so.|
|00:29:27||Why do you make me act
like that, huh?|
Toidy's to the right, dear.|
|00:29:33||- How's Grandma?
- Super. It's arts and crafts time.|
|00:29:36||Grandma is quite a quilter.|
|00:29:39||That's a tremendous trophy.|
|00:29:41||Happy, I'm so glad to see you.|
|00:29:44||I'm glad to see you, too.|
|00:29:46||I think about you all the time.|
|00:29:49||Looks like everyone's
having fun here.|
|00:29:56||Good news... I made
the Professional Golfers' Tour.|
|00:30:01||You know what else is lovely?|
|00:30:04||If I can beat those other guys...
we'll get the house back.|
|00:30:09||Oh, thank God! I can't stand to live
in this place another minute!|
|00:30:13||I thought you liked it here.|
|00:30:15||That orderly is nice.
Don't you like him?|
|00:30:18||Oh, I do.|
|00:30:20||It's just that the air conditioner's
broken. I'm getting a little warm.|
|00:30:25||Let the kid fix it for you.|
|00:30:27||Get the little twisty knobs.|
|00:30:31||That ain't doing it. Okay.|
|00:30:40||Get this off of me! Mister!|
|00:30:42||I'll be right down!|
|00:30:44||You know that "Mister, mister" lady?
I think I killed her.|
|00:31:01||Norman spends more time in the sand
than David Hasselhoff.|
|00:31:06||Come on, that was funny.|
|00:31:08||- It was the first time I heard it.
- Drink up.|
|00:31:11||Anyone tapped the keg yet?
I'll pump. I'm Happy Gilmore.|
Welcome to the Tour.|
|00:31:18||I heard about the ace you had
on a par four. Impressive.|
|00:31:22||You heard about that?|
|00:31:24||Cool. That's a nice jacket.|
|00:31:27||You get one if you win
the Tour Championship.|
|00:31:30||Oh, yeah? What's that?|
|00:31:32||Only the biggest tournament
of the year.|
|00:31:35||Oh, really? Where's yours?|
|00:31:37||Good one. He's funny.
I'll have mine in three months.|
|00:31:42||Not if I have anything
to do with it.|
|00:31:44||Whoa, look out.|
|00:31:46||You better look out.|
|00:31:48||If you're free, join us at 9:00
on the ninth green.|
|00:31:51||- What happens there?
- Secret of the pros.|
|00:31:54||All right, cool.|
|00:31:56||I'm out of here. I hear the Asteroids
machine calling my name. Peace.|
|00:32:02||And, Happy... dress nice, huh?|
|00:32:04||All right, all right.|
|00:32:16||Almost nine o'clock.|
|00:32:41||Public relations lady,
you seen Shooter McGavin?|
|00:32:44||- No. Why?
- I need to beat the piss out of him.|
|00:32:47||Let me guess... the ninth green
at nine trick.|
|00:32:50||It would appear so.|
|00:32:52||He does deserve a beating.|
|00:32:54||But if you beat him up,
I'll have to explain to the papers...|
|00:32:58||...why the new guy beat up
Shooter McGavin. More work for me.|
|00:33:03||I don't want to do that.|
|00:33:04||Forget about Shooter.
He's just threatened by you.|
|00:33:08||He's afraid you'll steal
|00:33:10||That's nice of you to say.|
|00:33:14||So, I'm going to go change now.|
|00:33:19||My girlfriend's dead. She fell off
a cliff and died on impact.|
I'm sorry to hear that.|
|00:33:28||You should get some sleep.
Tomorrow's a big day.|
|00:33:32||You're right. It is.|
|00:33:46||Hello. I'm Verne Lundquist,
with Jack Beard.|
|00:33:49||We have a nice crowd here
on this sun-sational April morning...|
|00:33:53||...for the 22nd annual
|00:33:56||Here today are elite golfers
from around the world.|
|00:33:59||The favorite is Shooter McGavin.
He's won three of the last four.|
|00:34:10||Here's my last buck.|
|00:34:12||This is the last time.|
|00:34:13||He's just trying to make some money.
Leave him alone.|
|00:34:19||I don't know why I'm winning.|
|00:34:22||I'm in the zone.
The hole seems to get bigger.|
|00:34:25||You like being the favorite?|
|00:34:27||I'm not. With the great players here,
anyone could win.|
|00:34:30||I'll just do my best.|
|00:34:32||The real favorite is Portland. Every
time I visit, it's harder to leave.|
|00:34:36||Must be something in the water.
Well, time to play golf.|
|00:34:42||I'm a hockey player
playing golf today.|
|00:34:47||The guy with the long drive.|
|00:34:49||- Caddy's name?
- You haven't given me one yet.|
|00:34:53||On the Pro Tour,
you provide your own.|
|00:35:02||Easy with those clubs.
|00:35:07||Gary Potter. Great to have you
on the Tour.|
|00:35:10||I feel a lot of solid energy coming
out of you. Good positive aura.|
|00:35:15||Nice to meet you.|
|00:35:17||Is it always like this... TV cameras,
people and stuff?|
|00:35:21||Yeah, a lot of pressure.
Rise above it.|
|00:35:23||Harness in the good energy,
block out the bad.|
|00:35:27||Harness energy, block bad.|
|00:35:29||Feel the flow, Happy.
|00:35:32||It's like a carousel.|
|00:35:34||You get on the horse.
It goes up, down and around.|
|00:35:37||Circular. Circle. With the music,
the flow. All good things.|
|00:35:42||Okay. Well, great. Thanks.
Nice to meet you.|
|00:35:47||Next to tee off,
|00:35:52||Give me a club.|
|00:35:55||I'll get it.|
|00:36:08||Fu..., sh..., fu..., ass...|
|00:36:45||What a shot
by Happy Gilmore!|
|00:36:48||Who the hell is
|00:37:15||I got it!|
|00:37:18||Like that, baby?|
where that came from!|
|00:37:24||Get Virginia Venit in here, now.|
|00:37:27||Use a five iron.|
|00:37:29||You think so?
Give me my wedge.|
|00:37:45||Five iron, huh?
You're fired. Bye-bye.|
|00:38:03||What are you doing, Happy... riding
a bull? You're acting like a damn fool!|
|00:38:14||Doing the bull dance.
Feeling the flow. Working it.|
|00:38:18||On the 18th green, Shooter McGavin
putts for the win.|
|00:38:21||His crowd seems unusually small
for this type of moment.|
|00:38:31||Most people are over watching
|00:38:34||He's the talk of the course...|
|00:38:36||...with his huge drives
and bizarre behavior.|
|00:38:40||He's on the 17th green right now,
having trouble closing out his day.|
|00:38:44||Happy, the ball has its own energy
or life force, if you will.|
|00:38:49||Its natural environment
is in the hole.|
|00:38:52||Why don't you send him home?|
|00:38:55||His bags are packed.
He has his plane ticket.|
|00:38:58||Bring him to the airport.|
|00:39:00||Send him home.|
|00:39:03||Send him home.
I'll send him home.|
|00:39:06||It's time to go home, ball.|
|00:39:12||Son of a bitch ball!
Why didn't you go home?!|
|00:39:15||That's your home! Are you too good
for your home?! Answer me!|
|00:39:20||Suck my white ass, ball!|
|00:39:29||Draft a press release stating Gilmore
is being thrown off the Tour.|
|00:39:33||I want to see it by 6:00 P.M.|
|00:39:35||You're right... his behavior is
|00:39:39||But golf has been waiting
for a player like this.|
|00:39:43||A colorful, emotional,
working class hero.|
|00:39:46||I will not tolerate this behavior.
Gilmore is gone.|
|00:39:49||I got a call
from the Dallas Open.|
|00:39:51||They're deluged with calls
from people who want to see Happy.|
|00:39:55||- They sold out.
|00:39:58||I know he's a little rough.
Let me work with him.|
But he's your responsibility.|
|00:40:07||If he cleans up, he can stay.|
|00:40:09||If he doesn't, it's your ass.|
|00:40:12||And any more of this...|
|00:40:17||...and he's gone.|
|00:40:28||What do you think
of Happy Gilmore?|
|00:40:30||I didn't see him play.
I was too busy winning.|
|00:40:34||But a 450-yard drive
|00:40:36||Yeah. Where did he finish again?
Dead last? Yeah, he had a good day.|
|00:40:41||Did he really make
a 450-yard ace?|
|00:40:43||Where's my check?|
|00:40:45||We mail them next week.|
|00:40:46||I want mine now.|
|00:40:48||I don't have any checks.|
|00:40:49||He got one. Give me
one of them big ones, I don't care.|
|00:40:55||Give me a beer, pal.|
|00:40:57||Put that on my tab.|
|00:40:58||You were the talk
of the tournament, Gilmore.|
|00:41:01||Wow, thanks a lot.|
|00:41:03||You sure crush the ball at the tee.
You'd do well in a long-drive contest.|
|00:41:08||You'd make good money, traveling,
hustling at driving ranges.|
|00:41:12||I know what you're doing
|00:41:15||...and I don't like it. So just shut
your trap before I put my foot in it.|
|00:41:22||Don't turn your back on me.
Listen, this is Shooter's tour.|
|00:41:26||I worked hard, paid my dues...
now it's Shooter's turn.|
|00:41:30||Shooter won't let his reign at the top
be spoiled by some freak.|
|00:41:34||Did you call me a freak?|
|00:41:36||I was on this tour for one reason...
|00:41:39||Now I got a new one...
kicking your ass.|
|00:41:42||I'd like to see you try.|
|00:41:45||Let's do it.|
|00:41:47||I meant at golf.|
|00:41:49||What's going on here?|
|00:41:51||I was looking for the other half
of this bottle.|
|00:41:54||Oh, there's some of it
|00:41:57||- Why don't you put it down?
- I know.|
|00:42:00||Just stay out of my way.
Or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.|
|00:42:05||Why don't I go eat some hay?|
|00:42:07||I could make things out of clay
and lay by the bay.|
|00:42:11||What do you say?|
|00:42:17||Calm down or you'll get kicked
off the Tour.|
|00:42:20||- That can't happen.
- It can, and I don't want it to.|
|00:42:24||You could be a big star.|
|00:42:25||I just want to make
|00:42:27||You won't be around long enough
to do that if you don't behave.|
|00:42:31||What do you mean by "behave"?|
no throwing clubs...|
|00:42:36||...and especially no hitting
|00:42:39||You mean no fun.|
|00:42:41||You can have fun.|
|00:42:43||That's why I think people come
to see you. But keep it within reason.|
|00:42:48||I will work on what you call behaving.
But I won't act like a stiff.|
|00:42:54||Fine. Thank you.|
|00:42:59||...you want to get some food?|
I don't date golfers.|
|00:43:04||Good. I'm a hockey player.|
|00:43:09||Just behave, okay?|
|00:43:14||Happy Gilmore approaches the tee
in the 72nd annual Cleveland Classic.|
Drive it 400 yards!|
|00:43:22||I can't believe I have fans.
I waited all my life for that.|
|00:43:28||Don't be alarmed,
|00:43:29||I know we had our problems,
but I'm proud of you.|
|00:43:33||Thanks a lot, Mr. Larson.|
|00:43:35||It's good to see you again.|
|00:43:37||How's that, uh, thing feeling?|
|00:43:40||Terrific. The nail comes out
|00:43:43||Well, you hardly even notice it.|
|00:43:49||Let's make a little noise here.|
I can't hear you!|
|00:44:22||Trying to reach
the green from here?|
|00:44:24||That's not possible, sir.|
|00:44:26||I beg to differ.|
|00:44:27||Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat
no more than an hour ago.|
|00:44:31||Well, moron, good for Happy...
Oh, my God!|
|00:44:46||Oh, my God.|
you forgot your nine iron.|
|00:45:02||A large and economically diverse crowd
here at the Michelob Invitational.|
|00:45:07||It's the tour sensation,
|00:45:10||...who's attracting all types
to this course. I even saw one guy...|
|00:45:15||...wearing one of those
|00:45:27||Damn you people.
Go back to your shanties.|
|00:45:31||This is a biggie, pal.
I got to make some real money.|
|00:45:35||What do you think?
|00:45:38||And slanting left.|
|00:45:39||No, you think that
'cause you only got one shoe on.|
|00:46:32||You got the ball?|
|00:46:42||Happy Gilmore from nine feet.|
|00:46:45||Here comes the putter throw.|
|00:46:47||Wait. He's restrained himself.
Maybe this is a new Happy Gilmore.|
|00:46:56||Another tournament here in Dallas,
and Shooter McGavin wins again.|
|00:47:00||He's won here 3 years in a row.|
|00:47:15||That son of a bitch!|
|00:47:17||Give me my ball! Give it here!
Cough it up, you dirty bastard!|
|00:47:22||I'll rip it out of you!|
|00:47:25||Give me the ball.|
|00:47:32||You have one eye.|
|00:47:37||You took his hand.|
|00:48:21||That Happy Gilmore is a real crack-up.
He's a hoot!|
|00:48:24||He's bringing in
some big crowds.|
|00:48:28||Today, one of his fans mooned me.
He had "HAPPY" written on his ass.|
|00:48:32||"HA" was on one cheek
and "PPY" on the other.|
|00:48:36||I love what he's doing for golf.|
|00:48:38||- Well, I'm starting to come around.
- Everyone is.|
|00:48:42||Well, I'm not, Doug!!|
|00:48:44||This man is destroying golf.|
|00:48:46||I saw two fat bikers in the woods
off 17 having sex.|
|00:48:49||How can I chip
with that going on?|
|00:48:51||- Kick him off the Tour.
- He hasn't broken any rules.|
|00:48:56||He's a disgrace to the game!|
|00:48:57||Yes, but our ratings are up.
We're attracting new, youthful sponsors.|
|00:49:02||I'm sorry, Shooter.|
|00:49:04||There's nothing I can do.|
|00:49:09||Then I'll have to take care of this
|00:49:13||Grandma, I came in 9th place.
I won $35,000.|
|00:49:17||So we'll get the house back?|
|00:49:19||As long as I don't place last
the next two times...|
|00:49:22||...we'll get the money in time.|
|00:49:24||That's wonderful, Happy.|
|00:49:26||I love you, Grandma. Bye.|
|00:49:34||We should go on that date.
I've been pretty good lately.|
|00:49:38||Oh? I hear you broke a rake
and threw it in the woods.|
|00:49:42||I didn't break it.
I was testing its durability.|
|00:49:45||I put it in the woods
because it's made of wood...|
|00:49:49||...and he should be
with his family.|
|00:49:52||At least I didn't punch anyone.|
|00:49:55||Okay, we'll go on a date.
But just as friends.|
|00:49:59||Slow down. I don't want to be
more than friends.|
|00:50:03||I just met you.|
|00:50:08||Fit you okay?|
|00:50:10||I haven't skated
since I was a little kid.|
|00:50:15||Can we get a little time here?|
|00:50:19||For Happy Gilmore, anything.|
|00:50:25||You played ice hockey?|
|00:50:31||Oh, my God... power failure.|
|00:50:33||It's very scary in here.|
|00:50:35||Did you plan this?|
|00:50:42||I thought we were going to be
|00:50:46||What? Friends listen to "Endless Love"
in the dark.|
|00:51:03||This song reminds me
of seventh grade.|
|00:51:07||It reminds me
of my grandmother.|
|00:51:10||That's kind of weird.|
|00:51:12||She took me to see this movie.|
|00:51:14||I had the biggest crush
on Brooke Shields.|
|00:51:18||My grandma told me I should
write her a letter, so I did.|
|00:51:22||I got a letter back
from Brooke two weeks later.|
|00:51:25||But it was in my grandmother's
|00:51:29||Your grandma sounds sweet.|
|00:51:31||She is sweet.
That's why I feel so terrible.|
|00:51:37||No, forget it.|
|00:51:40||You can tell me.|
|00:51:43||She's stuck in a nursing home.
The IRS repossessed her house.|
|00:51:50||That's why I joined the Tour.|
|00:51:51||I'm close to getting
her house back.|
|00:51:54||Don't tell anyone.
I'm kind of embarrassed.|
I won't tell anyone.|
|00:52:03||I'll make you a bet.|
|00:52:05||Do you always carry a puck?|
|00:52:10||Now, if you get that puck
in the net over there...|
|00:52:14||...Ill never bother you again.|
|00:52:18||But if you miss...|
|00:52:21||...you have to give me
a big, fat kiss.|
|00:52:25||And you have to pretend
you like it.|
|00:52:45||Talk about your all-time backfires.|
|00:52:53||...I didn't see it go in.|
|00:53:08||I'll give it all to you|
|00:53:13||My love, my love, my love|
|00:53:17||My endless love|
|00:53:37||Welcome to soggy San Francisco...|
|00:53:40||...site of this year's Pepsi Pro-Am.|
I'm Bob Barker.|
|00:53:45||What an honor.
Nice to meet you.|
|00:53:48||We're playing together today.|
Who am I really playing with?|
|00:53:53||In a Pro-Am, each golfer plays
with a celebrity.|
|00:53:58||Nick Faldo and I won last year.
I'd like to win this year.|
|00:54:02||I'll do my best.|
|00:54:06||You suck, you jackass.|
|00:54:09||Shut the hell up.|
|00:54:13||I'd love to punch that guy in the face,
but I'd get in trouble.|
|00:54:17||You get this
on "Let's Make A Deal"?|
|00:54:19||"The Price Is Right", Happy.|
|00:54:22||Oh, yeah. Sorry.|
Let's play some golf.|
|00:54:36||The club went further
than the ball.|
|00:54:39||What was that all about?|
|00:54:41||It's just that it's rainy
and that guy... It just slipped.|
|00:54:53||Get a blanket and suntan lotion,
'cause you'll never get off that beach.|
|00:54:58||Just the way you never got
into the NHL, you jackass!|
|00:55:09||The green's that way.|
|00:55:19||You will not make this putt,
|00:55:27||Nice shooting, soldier.|
|00:55:33||All right, Happy...|
|00:55:36||...nice and easy.|
|00:55:43||That was not nice and easy.|
|00:55:50||That guy is driving me crazy.|
|00:55:52||What's driving me crazy is
you not getting the ball in the hole.|
|00:55:56||Don't push me, Bob.
Now's not the time.|
|00:56:10||This guy sucks!|
|00:56:13||We haven't seen Gilmore play this badly
since his first day on tour.|
|00:56:18||He and Bob Barker
are now dead last.|
|00:56:21||You should be working at the snack bar,
not playing golf.|
|00:56:27||There is no way you could have been
as bad at hockey as you are at golf.|
|00:56:32||Okay, let's go.|
|00:56:35||You like that, old man?!
You want a piece of me?|
|00:56:39||I don't want a piece of you.
I want the whole thing!|
|00:56:57||Now you're gonna get it,
|00:57:19||The price is wrong, bitch.|
|00:57:33||I think you've had enough.|
|00:57:39||Now you've had enough.|
|00:57:46||That couldn't have gone better.|
|00:57:48||Instead of hitting you,
he hits Bob Barker.|
|00:57:52||So, see you
at the next tournament?|
|00:57:54||No need. This was on national TV.
Gilmore is gone.|
|00:57:59||Let's get something at the Red Lobster.
|00:58:03||Some other time.|
|00:58:04||I thought we were friends.|
|00:58:07||We are. I just have to go.|
|00:58:09||I'll be at the Red Lobster
in case you change your mind.|
|00:58:15||There you are.|
come on down!|
|00:58:20||Thank you, Shooter.
|00:58:23||So you got in a fight with a game show
host on national TV.|
|00:58:27||That is not entertainment.|
|00:58:29||This is not hockey,
no matter how much you want it to be.|
|00:58:32||I know that and I'm sorry.|
|00:58:34||But there was a guy out there...|
|00:58:37||...giving me crap. It took all I had
not to hit him.|
|00:58:40||So you head-butt Bob Barker?
Who won that fight, anyway?|
|00:58:45||The board has done the following:|
|00:58:48||Fined you $25,000
and suspended you for one month.|
|00:58:51||- What?! I got to play!
- What?! Kick him off the Tour.|
|00:58:54||The board thinks
that might be extreme...|
|00:58:58||...considering the fact
that our ratings were...|
|00:59:01||...the highest we've ever had.|
|00:59:03||My grandmother's house
|00:59:06||If I don't win more prize money,
they'll sell it to someone else.|
|00:59:18||It's over. My grandmother
will never see her house again.|
|00:59:23||But you've made a lot of money.
You could buy her a nice condo.|
|00:59:27||My grandfather didn't build
any condos with his bare hands.|
I hate that Bob Barker.|
|00:59:34||There must be
another way to get the $50,000.|
|00:59:38||I don't want to talk about it.
I failed, okay?|
|00:59:42||Let me just enjoy the one thing
that makes me a bit happy...|
|00:59:46||...this fresh, delicious, tasty...|
|00:59:51||...Cold Cut Combo. I eat three
every day just to keep me strong.|
|00:59:58||...can I have one of those?|
|01:00:00||Coming right up!|
|01:00:07||Talk about a hole in one.|
will drive away your hunger.|
|01:00:14||What do you think?|
|01:00:15||I love it. He looks so handsome.
And it makes me hungry.|
|01:00:19||They gave me a card
that gives us free Subway for life.|
|01:00:24||You know what else is lovely?|
|01:00:26||That commercial puts us up
|01:00:30||Let's go get your house back.|
|01:00:42||What the hell?|
|01:00:49||What's going on here?|
|01:00:50||It's exciting. We're auctioning off
your grandmother's house.|
|01:00:54||You said if we got the money,
we could buy it back.|
|01:00:58||You can buy it back.|
|01:01:00||Bidding will start at $100,000.
Do I hear 100?|
|01:01:03||This is the exciting part.
|01:01:06||Look at all these people.
What's going on, Happy?|
|01:01:10||Thank you, two.|
|01:01:12||They're auctioning it off.|
|01:01:14||Good. We'll get it cheaper
than we thought.|
|01:01:17||Two fifty, thank you.|
|01:01:20||Maybe not. Two seventy-five!|
|01:01:22||Two seventy-five. And three.|
|01:01:25||Three fifty down front.|
|01:01:26||I have three fifty.
|01:01:30||Three fifty... sold to the gentleman
in the white sweater.|
|01:01:34||What just happened, Happy?|
|01:01:37||Go wait in the car, Grandma.|
|01:01:41||What the hell
is wrong with you?|
|01:01:43||I enjoy real estate speculation.|
|01:01:47||You touch me, I burn the house down
and piss on the ashes.|
|01:01:51||What do you want for it?|
|01:01:53||You know what.|
|01:01:55||You off the Tour.|
|01:01:57||Quit, and the house is yours.|
|01:02:00||Fine. I quit.|
|01:02:01||No way. Happy, come here.|
|01:02:03||He's right. I don't belong in golf.
I'm a hockey player.|
|01:02:07||- What team do you play for?
|01:02:10||Face it, Happy.
You are a golfer.|
|01:02:14||I did this to get Grandma's house back.
Now I can. No regrets.|
|01:02:19||What do you think she wants more... to
get her house back or see you succeed?|
|01:02:26||Maybe she can have both.
|01:02:30||The Tour Championship
is next week.|
|01:02:33||If I beat you, I get the house.
You beat me, I'll quit.|
|01:02:37||You're going to beat me?
|01:02:44||But you're in trouble. I eat pieces
of shit like you for breakfast.|
|01:02:48||You eat pieces of shit
|01:02:58||That was great.
I know you will kick his ass.|
|01:03:01||That makes one of us.|
|01:03:03||Take care of Grandma.
I'll walk from here.|
|01:03:06||- Where are you going?
- To learn to play golf.|
|01:03:12||I'm stupid, you're smart.|
|01:03:15||I was wrong,
you were right.|
|01:03:18||You're the best,
I'm the worst.|
|01:03:21||You're very good-looking,
I'm not attractive.|
|01:03:25||Okay, as long as you're willing
to admit that. Now...|
|01:03:29||...are you ready to work
and do what I tell you?|
|01:03:33||Believe me, I'm ready.|
|01:03:35||Then let's get to work.|
|01:03:39||I'm sorry. Here.|
|01:03:43||Here's your pinky.|
|01:03:52||"Happyland", just like me.|
|01:03:54||Don't get excited.
I've been here before.|
|01:03:59||This is embarrassing. I'm a
professional golfer, for God's sake.|
|01:04:03||No, it's your short game
that's embarrassing. Let's go.|
|01:04:22||Just line up the putt.
Don't even look at the hole.|
|01:04:26||Aim for a spot six inches
in front of the hole. Line up with that.|
|01:04:31||Okay. Six inches.|
|01:04:56||This one's very tough.|
|01:05:03||He's laughing, having fun.|
|01:05:05||Yeah, laugh it up.
Enjoy your night.|
|01:05:17||I hate that clown.|
|01:05:19||Easy. If you can't beat the clown,
how will you beat Shooter McGavin?|
|01:05:32||You're gonna die, clown!|
|01:05:36||Is that funny? I don't hear you
|01:05:40||What? I can't do it!|
|01:05:42||Come with me, Happy.
|01:05:46||You suck, you stupid clown!|
|01:05:50||Remember, this isn't hockey.|
|01:05:52||You don't play with raw emotion.
You can't putt angry.|
|01:05:57||You must clear your mind
of everything else and stay focused.|
|01:06:06||How can I do that?|
|01:06:08||Think of a place
that's really perfect.|
|01:06:11||Your own happy place.|
|01:06:14||Go there and all your anger
|01:06:23||Your happy place.|
|01:06:55||Now how do you feel?|
|01:07:22||Your happy place.|
|01:07:30||We took some giant steps
|01:07:33||I'm really proud of you.|
|01:07:38||I got something special
|01:07:42||It's the putter I used when I played...
slightly modified, of course.|
|01:07:47||Man, this is excellent.|
|01:07:50||You got the spirit of a hockey player
in you, so I figured... why fight it?|
|01:07:56||I got something for you, too.|
|01:07:58||If not for you, none of this
would have happened...|
|01:08:02||...so I wanted to show
|01:08:08||This looks nice.
What is it?|
|01:08:15||Remember the 'gator
that got your hand?|
|01:08:17||I got his head.|
|01:08:31||First my dad and now Chubbs.|
|01:08:34||Anyone I get close to, dies.
If I were you, I'd run.|
|01:08:38||You can't blame yourself
|01:08:41||I guess that alligator
finally finished the job.|
|01:08:44||I'm going to miss you, pal.|
|01:08:55||How am I going to play today?|
what he taught you.|
You killed a golf legend.|
|01:09:03||Beat it, McGavin.|
|01:09:04||I'm dedicating my performance at the
Tour Championship to Chubbs' memory.|
|01:09:09||I'm playing for Chubbs.|
|01:09:11||I called it first.|
|01:09:13||You want to beat him?
Beat him on the course.|
|01:09:17||Yeah, I'm gonna beat your ass
|01:09:20||Right. And Grizzly Adams
had a beard.|
|01:09:22||Grizzly Adams did have a beard.|
of the Tour Championship...|
|01:09:30||...are ready to begin.
There may be 63 professionals...|
|01:09:33||...vying for the title
of world's best...|
|01:09:35||but in the minds of the spectators,
there are only two.|
|01:09:39||Tour kingpin Shooter McGavin...|
|01:09:41||...and bad boy Happy Gilmore,
just off suspension.|
|01:09:44||Wouldn't you know it?
They've been paired together.|
|01:09:48||I have some good interior design ideas
for Grandma's house.|
|01:09:52||You know the bedroom
next to the stairs?|
|01:09:54||Yeah, that was my room.|
|01:09:56||I'm turning it
into my trophy room.|
|01:10:11||It just may not be
|01:10:30||You know what's pathetic?
You've been playing golf all your life.|
|01:10:38||Let me show you
how we do it in the pros.|
|01:10:48||That's got to hurt.|
|01:10:58||Happy learned how to putt.
|01:11:03||Here's a free lesson.|
|01:11:11||Can't learn that
on a hockey rink.|
|01:11:29||After one day,
Shooter McGavin is leading.|
|01:11:32||But the big surprise
is young Happy Gilmore...|
|01:11:36||...nipping at his heels,
trailing by only one stroke.|
|01:11:41||Shooter from the sand.|
|01:11:43||Playing like he really wants
|01:11:51||Happy Gilmore answers back
with a birdie.|
|01:12:08||Happy with a long eagle opportunity.|
|01:12:15||And Shooter can't believe it!|
|01:12:17||He is now tied
with Happy Gilmore!|
|01:12:23||Uh-oh. A little too much zip
on that one.|
|01:12:28||Hold it, hold it, hold it.|
|01:12:36||I didn't see that. Did it go in?
I wasn't watching.|
|01:12:41||I wasn't watching. I saw it go up.
Did it go back in?|
|01:12:46||At the end of day three,
Happy Gilmore has the lead.|
|01:12:49||One has to be impressed with the vast
improvement in his short game.|
|01:13:13||Donald, it's Shooter.|
It's great to hear from you!|
|01:13:18||Want to go to Sizzler
and get some grub?|
|01:13:20||No, thanks. Not hungry.|
|01:13:22||This call is about business.
I need you here in the morning.|
|01:13:27||It's the final day
of the Tour Championship...|
|01:13:29||...and it promises to be
|01:13:32||Happy Gilmore leads the pack.|
|01:13:34||Is this a changing of the guard?
We'll know in 18 holes.|
|01:13:45||Happy is really on today.|
|01:14:01||There he is.|
|01:14:04||Happy, look out!|
|01:14:12||Are you okay?|
|01:14:35||You have no serious injuries.
Just keep off your feet for a few days.|
I have to finish.|
|01:14:41||Do what you like. What do I know?
I'm just a doctor.|
|01:14:44||- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.|
|01:14:46||There is no shame
in throwing in the towel.|
|01:14:49||You must be careful
with your health.|
|01:14:52||Let's just play some golf.|
|01:14:54||I knew Happy Gilmore
|01:14:56||...but I can't believe he's playing
after being hit by a car.|
|01:15:00||Let's hope it doesn't affect
|01:15:07||That's the first time he's failed
to outdrive McGavin.|
|01:15:10||Well, well, well. Happy Gilmore is
human after all.|
|01:15:15||Happy Gilmore is in trouble
if he can't hit the long ball.|
|01:15:20||If he has a chance...|
|01:15:21||...of winning today, he must do it
on the green.|
|01:15:30||He has to focus now.
He has to save this one for par.|
|01:15:38||That bogey drops him
out of the lead.|
|01:15:41||If he wants to stay in this thing...|
|01:15:44||...he has to calm down.|
|01:15:53||Don't worry about your grandma.
She can live with me... be my maid.|
|01:16:03||Look at the cabbage
he's in now.|
|01:16:05||Things just keep getting worse
for Happy Gilmore.|
|01:16:11||Just remember what Chubbs said.|
|01:16:14||"Go to a happy place."|
|01:16:17||"Go to a happy place."|
|01:17:11||This looks like the end
for Happy Gilmore.|
|01:17:13||Shooter now has
a commanding lead.|
|01:17:35||Happy, look who's here.|
|01:17:40||Happy, you look upset.
I'm not going to win.|
|01:17:46||Don't worry, sweetheart. The house
isn't important. It's just a house.|
|01:17:51||Stop fraternizing with the help,
|01:17:53||Just hit your ball,
if you can find it.|
|01:17:59||Forget him. I just want you
to be happy, darling.|
|01:18:06||All right, Grandma.|
|01:18:14||Grandma wants me
to be happy.|
|01:18:38||Chin up, Happy.
Don't feel bad about me.|
|01:18:42||I got my hand back, see?|
|01:18:46||We've only just begun|
|01:18:55||White lace and promises|
|01:19:00||A kiss for luck
and we're on our way|
|01:19:14||It ain't over yet, McGavin. The way
I see it, we've only just begun.|
|01:19:46||Happy, the gold jacket's yours.
Shooter will choke.|
|01:20:08||Damn you people!
This is golf, not a rock concert!|
|01:20:57||Happy Gilmore has charged
in the back nine...|
|01:21:00||...and is now even
with Shooter McGavin.|
|01:21:02||If Shooter doesn't get
out of the funk he's in...|
|01:21:06||...he may miss out
on the gold jacket.|
|01:21:09||Ladies and gentlemen, the 18th hole
is a par three, 160 yards.|
|01:21:13||In the event of a tie,
there will be a play-off.|
you have the honors.|
|01:21:20||No matter what,
I'm having fun.|
to sound like a golfer.|
|01:21:25||I know. Keep it down.|
|01:21:47||Nice shot! Fifteen feet
short of the hole.|
|01:22:03||Shooter's ball is
in the woods.|
|01:22:05||Happy's on the 18th green,
where a car driven by a crazed fan...|
|01:22:09||...rammed the TV tower.|
|01:22:14||Let me through...
I'm looking for my ball.|
|01:22:16||This is golf, okay? Excuse me.
|01:22:26||Is this your ball?|
|01:22:28||Yes, it is.|
|01:22:30||It struck my foot.|
|01:22:35||Do I get a drop?|
|01:22:37||The rule says,
"Play it as it lies."|
|01:23:03||That's two so far, Shooter.|
|01:23:05||You can count.
Good for you.|
|01:23:08||And you can count on me waiting
for you in the parking lot.|
|01:23:26||You're still away.|
|01:23:27||I'm aware of that.
|01:23:31||I can't see.|
|01:23:32||Hey, up here.|
|01:23:46||Shooter needs this
to put pressure on Happy.|
|01:23:49||If he misses, Happy can two-putt
|01:24:03||Choke on that, baby!|
|01:24:24||If Gilmore sinks this, it will cap
an amazing comeback.|
|01:24:46||Great. Now I have a tower
blocking my ball.|
|01:24:49||We'll get it moved and you'll finish
tomorrow. Right, Doug?|
|01:24:53||No, he has to hit it now.
"Play it as it lies."|
|01:24:57||I hit it off Frankenstein's fat foot.
Those are the rules.|
Take your shot, Mr. Gilmore.|
|01:25:06||Virginia, just so you know,
my jacket size is 44 long.|
|01:25:10||And my right arm is a bit longer
than my left.|
|01:25:14||Hit it around the tower, sink your putt
and we'll go to sudden death.|
|01:25:26||Nah, I'll just beat him now.|
|01:25:36||Chubbs, I know
you'll help me here.|
|01:26:14||Oh, my God.|
Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket.|
|01:26:24||I love you. I love you.|
|01:26:26||And I love you.|
|01:26:29||Doug! It's impossible!|
|01:26:31||That's my jacket!
|01:26:35||He stole my jacket!|
|01:26:37||I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's.|
|01:27:02||I will get you, Shooter!|
- You bet.|
|01:27:41||Here's to Chubbs,
wherever he is.|
|01:27:56||Who are you waving at,
Let's go home.|