Happy Gilmore

00:00:47HAPPY GILMORE
00:00:52My name is Happy Gilmore.
00:00:55Ever since I was old enough to skate, I loved hockey.
00:01:00I wasn't really the greatest skater.
00:01:03But that didn't keep my dad from teaching me...
00:01:06...the secret of making a great slap shot.
00:01:11My dad worshipped hockey. My mom didn't.
00:01:15So she moved to Egypt, where there's not a hockey rink within 1500 miles.
00:01:20Dad took me to games to see our favorite player...
00:01:24...Terry O'Reilly, "The Tasmanian Devil".
00:01:26He wasn't a big guy, but he feared nobody, just like me.
00:01:31Handsome fellow, huh? He said when I grew up, I could be anything.
00:01:36But all I ever wanted to be was a hockey player.
00:01:40My childhood was going great, but life is full of surprises.
00:01:52After the funeral, I was sent to live with my grandma in Waterbury.
00:02:03I was nervous, since I didn't know her that well.
00:02:07She dressed like Gene Simmons from KISS to cheer me up.
00:02:11She's the sweetest person in the world.
00:02:18After my dad died, I developed a short fuse.
00:02:21That kid stole my party blower.
00:02:23Instead of asking for it back, I hit him in the head repeatedly...
00:02:27with a hammer.
00:02:28Most of the time, I was quick to say I was sorry.
00:02:34Years later, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records...
00:02:38...most time spent in a penalty box...
00:02:40...and I was the only guy to ever try to stab someone with his skates.
00:02:46After I graduated, I had a lot of different jobs.
00:02:49I was a road worker...
00:02:53...a janitor...
00:02:58...a security guard...
00:03:04...a gas station attendant...
00:03:09...and a plumber.
00:03:12Lately, I've been working construction. It's not bad.
00:03:16I'm a good shot with a nail gun.
00:03:19But one day my boss, Mr. Larson, got in the way.
00:03:24Apparently, he also has a short fuse. Look at the monster.
00:03:29He got in a few lucky punches, but I feel I won the fight.
00:03:33Anyway, those jobs weren't for me.
00:03:36I was put on this planet for one reason... to play hockey.
00:03:41It's my puck, baby! Don't you ever touch my puck!
00:03:46Is that Gilmore again? How many times has he tried out?
00:03:50At least ten times.
00:03:52He has a lot of intensity.
00:03:56Not a strong skater, though.
00:03:58Nor the best puck handler.
00:04:04But, my God...
00:04:09What a shot.
00:04:12It that goal regulation size or what?!
00:04:21Number one...
00:04:23...number fifty-two... number sixteen...
00:04:26They saw my power. They won't dog me this year.
00:04:30...number nine...
00:04:32...and number forty-three. The rest of you...
00:04:36...better luck next year.
00:04:39Coach, what's going on? What about me?
00:04:42Gilmore.
00:04:44I called your number, didn't I?
00:04:47No, you didn't.
00:04:50Well, better luck next year.
00:04:53That wasn't very nice!
00:05:02You think you're better than me?!
00:05:09Where you going? I got Subway.
00:05:11I already ate.
00:05:13I knew the guy working there, so we got extra meatballs.
00:05:16Great. I got to run.
00:05:18Can you stay? I had a rough day.
00:05:21Bye.
00:05:22- When will you be back? - Never.
00:05:30Terry, wait!
00:05:32Wait! Hold on a second, babe.
00:05:35You're not going for good, are you?
00:05:38You're going nowhere and taking me with you.
00:05:41All you ever talk about is being a pro hockey player, but you're not any good.
00:05:46I am good! You know what? You're a lousy kindergarten teacher!
00:05:50I saw the finger paintings you bring home... they suck!
00:05:55I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. They're excellent finger paintings.
00:06:00Please don't go.
00:06:02I'm not spending the rest of my life with a loser.
00:06:05I'm gone.
00:06:06Good! Get the hell out of my life! Who needs you? Beat it!
00:06:12I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
00:06:14I just yell 'cause I get so scared.
00:06:17Scared of being a nobody.
00:06:20Why don't you come back upstairs, honey?
00:06:23I'll give you the old smoochy-smoo kissy-wissy.
00:06:28You know Happy will make everything okay.
00:06:39I want to kiss you all over
00:06:43And over and again
00:06:46I want to kiss you all over
00:06:52Till the night closes in
00:06:56Till the night closes in
00:07:01Terry!
00:07:18Sit tight. I'll be right over.
00:07:26Hey, you don't want breakfast?
00:07:39Grandma?
00:07:43Put that down! It's my grandmother's!
00:07:46Cut it out, kid. We're just doing our job.
00:07:49What are you talking about?
00:07:50Your grandmother hasn't paid taxes in 10 years.
00:07:55Grandma, you didn't pay your taxes?
00:07:58I would have, but I didn't have any money.
00:08:02Where are you taking her stuff?
00:08:04I'm not taking her stuff, the government is.
00:08:07It's not like I'm taking her stuff over to my place.
00:08:11Don't get mad at me.
00:08:13But she's an old lady. Look at her. She's old.
00:08:17You can't just take her stuff. She's too old.
00:08:21I'm sorry. I have no discretion. Her stuff is now our stuff.
00:08:26Well, at least we got the house.
00:08:29I'll bring furniture from my place. We'll be okay.
00:08:33Now you'll really be mad. I'm taking the house, too.
00:08:36My grandfather built this house with his bare hands.
00:08:40My grandma's been here over 60 years. You can't take her house.
00:08:44Mrs. Gilmore owes the IRS $270,000 in back taxes.
00:08:49We have to take the house.
00:08:52If you can't repay the money in 90 days, we sell the house to someone else.
00:08:57You hate me, don't you?
00:08:59No, I don't hate you.
00:09:07He hates me.
00:09:12Don't worry- things will be okay.
00:09:14Look at this place.
00:09:16Silver Acres Rest Home. It looks more like a country club.
00:09:21Nice grass, nice people.
00:09:23I hope you brought your bathing suit.
00:09:26You're going to make friends in no time.
00:09:29Mister!
00:09:30Get me out of here!!!
00:09:35Here, eat that! Leave us alone!
00:09:39Grandma, you could come live with me.
00:09:42Nonsense, dear. You're a grown man.
00:09:45I wouldn't burden you like that and that's final.
00:09:48Tell me, how is that nice girlfriend of yours?
00:09:52She got hit by a car. She's dead.
00:09:54Listen, I will get that $270,000 and get your house back.
00:09:58I promise.
00:10:00Oh, sure.
00:10:01In the meantime, just stay here and have some fun.
00:10:06I will, dear. Don't worry.
00:10:09Pardon me, but it's nap time.
00:10:12Nap time... that sounds nice.
00:10:15- You go. - I love you.
00:10:18I love you, too, darling.
00:10:23Buddy, do me a favor. You see that lady?
00:10:26She's very important to me.
00:10:29I want you to take extra special care of her.
00:10:33You know what I mean?
00:10:35I can't accept that. But this is what I can do.
00:10:38I can take extra special care of that young lady for nothing.
00:10:43I appreciate that.
00:10:46Have a nice afternoon.
00:10:49Sir, could I trouble you for a glass of warm milk? It helps put me to sleep.
00:10:54You could trouble me for a warm glass of shut the hell up.
00:10:59Go to sleep or I will put you to sleep.
00:11:01Check out the name tag. You're in my world now, Grandma.
00:11:05Oh, dear.
00:11:09Bet you I can hit a ball past that tree.
00:11:12Twenty bucks says you can't.
00:11:14Morons, I told you I want to watch the hockey game.
00:11:18Cut the golf sissy crap and finish up.
00:11:21Oh, relax.
00:11:22You can enjoy your grandma's possessions for another half hour.
00:11:28Oh, you got a hold of that one!
00:11:31- You try it. - It's not as easy as it looks.
00:11:34Sorry, ladies. I'm not the golfing type.
00:11:37You hit a ball past my ball...
00:11:39...we'll finish work so you can watch your hockey game.
00:11:43Give me the stupid club.
00:11:51Look at this stupid thing.
00:11:53This will be hilarious. Look how he's standing.
00:11:57You like that?
00:12:13Holy shit.
00:12:15Back to work.
00:12:16That house is 400 yards away.
00:12:18Is that good?
00:12:19- That's unbelievable. - Beginner's luck.
00:12:22I bet $20 you can't do it again.
00:12:24Bring it on.
00:12:39You boys are going to pay for that...
00:12:44- You hit him! - He shouldn't have been standing there.
00:12:47One more time. Double or nothing.
00:12:49You better pay up.
00:13:01Oops. Maybe we should get back inside.
00:13:04You made a bet. Pay the man.
00:13:25Thanks. Tell your friends.
00:13:27Step right up, folks!
00:13:29See if you can outdrive the amazing Golf Ball, uh, Whacker Guy!
00:13:37That's great.
00:13:39Very good.
00:13:42Bend your knees. Remember, it's in the hips. You're doing great.
00:13:46It's in the hips.
00:13:48Fifty bucks I can hit it over the highway.
00:14:00That's real good.
00:14:03So long, sucker.
00:14:10How often do you play?
00:14:12This is my first time.
00:14:15You should play in the Waterbury Open tomorrow.
00:14:18Yeah, right, I'll see you there.
00:14:24He's going to play.
00:14:26And, by God, he's going to win.
00:14:39Mister, you need a helmet.
00:14:41Don't worry about it.
00:14:49Yeah, bring that shit on.
00:14:52I love it.
00:14:53Awesome.
00:14:55God, that hurt, but I'm okay.
00:14:58What the hell are you doing?
00:15:00Just 364 more days till the next hockey tryouts. I got to get tough.
00:15:06God, that felt good.
00:15:07Cut that out. You're making me sick.
00:15:12So you're a hockey player.
00:15:14You got to give that up and concentrate on golf.
00:15:18Who are you?
00:15:19I'm the club pro here... Chubbs Peterson.
00:15:22I'm offering to teach you how to play golf, personally, for free.
00:15:26No.
00:15:28You don't know who I am, do you?
00:15:30No, I don't.
00:15:31Back in 1965...
00:15:34...Sports Illustrated said I would be the next Arnold Palmer.
00:15:38What happened?
00:15:39I wasn't allowed to play pro anymore.
00:15:41I'm sorry. Because you're black?
00:15:44Hell, no. An alligator bit my hand off.
00:15:47Oh, my God!
00:15:49Tournament in Florida. My ball went down by a lake.
00:15:52Damn alligator just popped up! Cut me down in my prime.
00:15:57But I tore one of that bastard's eyes out. Look at that.
00:16:02You're pretty sick, Chubbs.
00:16:04I've never seen anyone...
00:16:06...who can hit the ball half as far as you. You got real talent.
00:16:10That's nice of you to say, but I trained all my life to play hockey.
00:16:14Golf is no different... requires talent, self-discipline.
00:16:18Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass.
00:16:21Talk to my neighbor... a great golfer. Huge ass.
00:16:24I bet your neighbor can't drive the ball 400 yards.
00:16:28I bet your neighbor doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour.
00:16:33How would I do that?
00:16:35You win the Open tomorrow, you're on the Pro Tour.
00:16:38Then, who knows? Maybe you'll win the Tour Championship.
00:16:42Get that gold jacket I never got.
00:16:44Gold jacket, green jacket... who cares?
00:16:52Don't worry. It's made of wood... real sturdy.
00:17:01Sorry about that.
00:17:03It was good to meet you, but, uh...
00:17:08I'm out of here.
00:17:10This is not real smart, kid.
00:17:12I thought you were pro material, primed for the big bucks.
00:17:23Hey, Chubbs...
00:17:24...what kind of big bucks?
00:17:33Stupid golf clubs. Why the hell am I doing this?
00:17:40Whoa... must be Burt Reynolds or something.
00:17:46Good morning!
00:17:47Isn't this great? Blue skies, fresh-cut grass, birds chirping.
00:17:52You going to recite me a poem? Geez, you love this golf stuff.
00:17:57A guy your size... why not play a real sport, like football?
00:18:01My mama wouldn't let me. Said it was too dangerous.
00:18:04Yeah, good call.
00:18:07Hey, who's that?
00:18:09The shorter guy is Doug Thompson, president of the Tour.
00:18:13The other guy is Shooter McGavin, leading money winner this year.
00:18:17Who's the girl?
00:18:19I'm Virginia Venit, Director of Public Relations for the Tour.
00:18:23Of course. I've heard you've done some really interesting things.
00:18:27Right now I'm working on a promotion...
00:18:31You know what would be great? If I could get a Pepsi.
00:18:34Sure.
00:18:37Oh, miss?
00:18:39Diet.
00:18:41Right.
00:18:44Hey, thanks for dressing up.
00:18:47If I wore clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass.
00:18:51Good morning, everyone.
00:18:52Welcome to the Waterbury Open. Before we begin, I have a treat for you.
00:18:57Ladies and gentlemen, Shooter McGavin.
00:19:06Thank you, Doug. I saw Doug play yesterday.
00:19:09He spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff.
00:19:13Let me get serious. You're all aware...
00:19:16...today's winner will be invited to join the Pro Tour.
00:19:21Although only one will become my colleague...
00:19:24...all of you are now my friends.
00:19:29Thank you. Now go get 'em!
00:19:34Next up: Lafferty, Daniel and Gilmore... Happy.
00:19:42Where you taking those clubs, punk?!
00:19:46Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy.
00:19:48Sorry. I'll carry these.
00:19:51They're my grandfather's. They're pretty old.
00:19:54What should I do then?
00:19:56Why don't you just watch me...
00:19:59...and make sure I don't do anything stupid?
00:20:04Mr. Gilmore, Mr. Lafferty is teeing off now.
00:20:07Okay. Good luck, buddy.
00:20:11Get out of the way.
00:20:21Where were you that time, dipshit?
00:20:37Probably the best I'll hit all day.
00:20:39Mr. Gilmore, you're up.
00:21:03Damn it!
00:21:07Time!
00:21:08Relax. Do what we discussed. Don't look at the green.
00:21:12Hit the ball. There's no goalie anywhere to block it.
00:21:15Remember, it's all in the hip. Come on. Work with me.
00:21:19It's all in the hips. All in the hips.
00:21:23It's all in the hips.
00:21:26Get off me!
00:21:27Just easing the tension. Just easing the tension.
00:21:30Well, ease it on someone else.
00:21:51What the hell?
00:21:56Good. Now we just worry about putting.
00:21:59Oh, yeah. Putting.
00:22:02Remember what I said.
00:22:05Use your shoulders to push the ball, not the arms.
00:22:08Don't break the wrist.
00:22:10Whoa, you're confusing me. Just let me put the ball in the hole.
00:22:29Is he kidding?
00:22:51This is pathetic.
00:23:06Good shot.
00:23:08It's about time.
00:23:09True. I just couldn't get the ball in the hole. I wanted to, but I couldn't.
00:23:45He shoots, he scores!
00:23:48That was much easier than putting. I should try and do that every time.
00:23:53Good plan.
00:23:54- Did you see that? - Yes. Nice.
00:23:57He got a hole in one on a par four.
00:23:59I said I saw it.
00:24:01I hope he wins. He's a publicist's dream.
00:24:04A guy who can drive the ball that far... he could really draw a crowd.
00:24:09So could a golfer with an arm growing out of his ass.
00:25:25Now, you make this one in four or less shots...
00:25:29...you win the tournament.
00:25:30Four shots.
00:25:32Think of it this way. The other team has pulled their goalie.
00:25:37It's wide open. All you have to do is tap it in.
00:25:41I can do that.
00:26:02Don't worry. You're doing fine.
00:26:04All you have to do is tap it in. Just tap it in.
00:26:09Just tap it in.
00:26:18Just tap it in. Just tap it in. Give it a little tappy.
00:26:23Tap, tap, tap-a-roo.
00:26:28Grandma, Grandma...
00:26:30...Grandma, Grandma.
00:26:36All right!
00:26:48He's going to be on the Tour. Super.
00:26:54That's cute.
00:26:57Mr. Gilmore, Virginia Venit. I'm P.R. Director of the Tour.
00:27:02Nice to meet you.
00:27:03Congratulations.
00:27:05I saw that hole in one on a par four. That must be a record.
00:27:09I got a hockey record.
00:27:11I tried to stab someone with my skate. Nobody else ever did that.
00:27:16That's wonderful.
00:27:17I am a bit bummed. I thought we got money for this.
00:27:21Cheer up. Next week in Portland, the winner takes home $216,000.
00:27:26And the guy who comes in last?
00:27:29$2,400.
00:27:30So no matter what, I'll get some money.
00:27:36Yeah. Well, I'll see you next week then.
00:27:40Bye.
00:27:44I hate to admit this, but this is my first trophy.
00:27:48I wish that goofy golf guy wasn't on top.
00:27:51Maybe I'll put a hockey guy on instead.
00:27:53Happy, shut your trap.
00:27:56- You were great out there today. - Thank you.
00:27:58But not that great. A lot of that was luck.
00:28:02Some might call it luck. I like to call it...
00:28:05...well, luck, I guess. So what?
00:28:07Don't join the Pro Tour yet.
00:28:09We got work to do before you go against professionals.
00:28:12Forget it. I'll pick up the rest as I go.
00:28:15Don't be a fool! People would kill to hit the long ball like you.
00:28:19You got an advantage over any other golfer.
00:28:22By developing the rest of your game...
00:28:25...you'd be unstoppable.
00:28:27You're right, but I need money.
00:28:30Don't be an asshole. Give me six months. I'll work with you every day.
00:28:35No, I got to go. I appreciate everything. Wish me luck.
00:28:44Best of luck, kid. Best of luck.
00:28:46Marty, shut up and I'll tell you.
00:28:50The price is $200 per quilt.
00:28:52Well, this is handmade quality shit.
00:28:56When do you need them by? Okay.
00:28:59Good doing business with you.
00:29:00Okay, everyone. Turn up your volumes. Announcement.
00:29:04Good news... arts and crafts time is extended 4 hours.
00:29:07My fingers hurt.
00:29:10What's that?
00:29:12My fingers hurt.
00:29:15Well, soon your back will hurt because you just got landscaping duty.
00:29:20Anyone else's fingers hurt?
00:29:24I didn't think so.
00:29:27Why do you make me act like that, huh?
00:29:30Mr. Gilmore! Toidy's to the right, dear.
00:29:33- How's Grandma? - Super. It's arts and crafts time.
00:29:36Grandma is quite a quilter.
00:29:39That's a tremendous trophy.
00:29:41Happy, I'm so glad to see you.
00:29:44I'm glad to see you, too.
00:29:46I think about you all the time.
00:29:49Looks like everyone's having fun here.
00:29:56Good news... I made the Professional Golfers' Tour.
00:30:00That's lovely.
00:30:01You know what else is lovely?
00:30:04If I can beat those other guys... we'll get the house back.
00:30:09Oh, thank God! I can't stand to live in this place another minute!
00:30:13I thought you liked it here.
00:30:15That orderly is nice. Don't you like him?
00:30:18Oh, I do.
00:30:20It's just that the air conditioner's broken. I'm getting a little warm.
00:30:25Let the kid fix it for you.
00:30:27Get the little twisty knobs.
00:30:31That ain't doing it. Okay.
00:30:37Mister! Mister!
00:30:40Get this off of me! Mister!
00:30:42I'll be right down!
00:30:44You know that "Mister, mister" lady? I think I killed her.
00:31:01Norman spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff.
00:31:06Come on, that was funny.
00:31:08- It was the first time I heard it. - Drink up.
00:31:11Anyone tapped the keg yet? I'll pump. I'm Happy Gilmore.
00:31:16Mark Lye. Welcome to the Tour.
00:31:18I heard about the ace you had on a par four. Impressive.
00:31:22You heard about that?
00:31:24Cool. That's a nice jacket.
00:31:27You get one if you win the Tour Championship.
00:31:30Oh, yeah? What's that?
00:31:32Only the biggest tournament of the year.
00:31:35Oh, really? Where's yours?
00:31:37Good one. He's funny. I'll have mine in three months.
00:31:42Not if I have anything to do with it.
00:31:44Whoa, look out.
00:31:46You better look out.
00:31:48If you're free, join us at 9:00 on the ninth green.
00:31:51- What happens there? - Secret of the pros.
00:31:54All right, cool.
00:31:56I'm out of here. I hear the Asteroids machine calling my name. Peace.
00:32:02And, Happy... dress nice, huh?
00:32:04All right, all right.
00:32:16Almost nine o'clock.
00:32:41Public relations lady, you seen Shooter McGavin?
00:32:44- No. Why? - I need to beat the piss out of him.
00:32:47Let me guess... the ninth green at nine trick.
00:32:50It would appear so.
00:32:52He does deserve a beating.
00:32:54But if you beat him up, I'll have to explain to the papers...
00:32:58...why the new guy beat up Shooter McGavin. More work for me.
00:33:03I don't want to do that.
00:33:04Forget about Shooter. He's just threatened by you.
00:33:08He's afraid you'll steal his thunder.
00:33:10That's nice of you to say.
00:33:14So, I'm going to go change now.
00:33:19My girlfriend's dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.
00:33:23Really? I'm sorry to hear that.
00:33:28You should get some sleep. Tomorrow's a big day.
00:33:32You're right. It is.
00:33:46Hello. I'm Verne Lundquist, with Jack Beard.
00:33:49We have a nice crowd here on this sun-sational April morning...
00:33:53...for the 22nd annual AT&T Invitational.
00:33:56Here today are elite golfers from around the world.
00:33:59The favorite is Shooter McGavin. He's won three of the last four.
00:34:07Thanks, man.
00:34:10Here's my last buck.
00:34:12This is the last time.
00:34:13He's just trying to make some money. Leave him alone.
00:34:19I don't know why I'm winning.
00:34:22I'm in the zone. The hole seems to get bigger.
00:34:25You like being the favorite?
00:34:27I'm not. With the great players here, anyone could win.
00:34:30I'll just do my best.
00:34:32The real favorite is Portland. Every time I visit, it's harder to leave.
00:34:36Must be something in the water. Well, time to play golf.
00:34:39Good luck.
00:34:42I'm a hockey player playing golf today.
00:34:45Name?
00:34:46Happy Gilmore.
00:34:47The guy with the long drive.
00:34:49- Caddy's name? - You haven't given me one yet.
00:34:53On the Pro Tour, you provide your own.
00:34:55Really?
00:34:59Okay.
00:35:02Easy with those clubs. They're antiques.
00:35:07Gary Potter. Great to have you on the Tour.
00:35:10I feel a lot of solid energy coming out of you. Good positive aura.
00:35:15Nice to meet you.
00:35:17Is it always like this... TV cameras, people and stuff?
00:35:21Yeah, a lot of pressure. Rise above it.
00:35:23Harness in the good energy, block out the bad.
00:35:27Harness energy, block bad.
00:35:29Feel the flow, Happy. It's circular.
00:35:32It's like a carousel.
00:35:34You get on the horse. It goes up, down and around.
00:35:37Circular. Circle. With the music, the flow. All good things.
00:35:42Okay. Well, great. Thanks. Nice to meet you.
00:35:46Psycho.
00:35:47Next to tee off, Happy Gilmore.
00:35:52Give me a club.
00:35:55I'll get it.
00:36:08Fu..., sh..., fu..., ass...
00:36:21Sorry.
00:36:27Psycho.
00:36:45What a shot by Happy Gilmore!
00:36:48Who the hell is Happy Gilmore?
00:37:12Oh, yeah!
00:37:15I got it!
00:37:18Like that, baby?
00:37:20Plenty more where that came from!
00:37:24Get Virginia Venit in here, now.
00:37:27Use a five iron.
00:37:29You think so? Give me my wedge.
00:37:45Five iron, huh? You're fired. Bye-bye.
00:38:03What are you doing, Happy... riding a bull? You're acting like a damn fool!
00:38:14Doing the bull dance. Feeling the flow. Working it.
00:38:18On the 18th green, Shooter McGavin putts for the win.
00:38:21His crowd seems unusually small for this type of moment.
00:38:31Most people are over watching Happy Gilmore.
00:38:34He's the talk of the course...
00:38:36...with his huge drives and bizarre behavior.
00:38:40He's on the 17th green right now, having trouble closing out his day.
00:38:44Happy, the ball has its own energy or life force, if you will.
00:38:49Its natural environment is in the hole.
00:38:52Why don't you send him home?
00:38:55His bags are packed. He has his plane ticket.
00:38:58Bring him to the airport.
00:39:00Send him home.
00:39:03Send him home. I'll send him home.
00:39:06It's time to go home, ball.
00:39:12Son of a bitch ball! Why didn't you go home?!
00:39:15That's your home! Are you too good for your home?! Answer me!
00:39:20Suck my white ass, ball!
00:39:29Draft a press release stating Gilmore is being thrown off the Tour.
00:39:33I want to see it by 6:00 P.M.
00:39:35You're right... his behavior is completely unacceptable.
00:39:39But golf has been waiting for a player like this.
00:39:43A colorful, emotional, working class hero.
00:39:46I will not tolerate this behavior. Gilmore is gone.
00:39:49I got a call from the Dallas Open.
00:39:51They're deluged with calls from people who want to see Happy.
00:39:55- They sold out. - Already?
00:39:58I know he's a little rough. Let me work with him.
00:40:03Okay. Fine. But he's your responsibility.
00:40:07If he cleans up, he can stay.
00:40:09If he doesn't, it's your ass.
00:40:12And any more of this...
00:40:17...and he's gone.
00:40:27Shooter! Shooter!
00:40:28What do you think of Happy Gilmore?
00:40:30I didn't see him play. I was too busy winning.
00:40:34But a 450-yard drive is impressive.
00:40:36Yeah. Where did he finish again? Dead last? Yeah, he had a good day.
00:40:41Did he really make a 450-yard ace?
00:40:43Where's my check?
00:40:45We mail them next week.
00:40:46I want mine now.
00:40:48I don't have any checks.
00:40:49He got one. Give me one of them big ones, I don't care.
00:40:55Give me a beer, pal.
00:40:57Put that on my tab.
00:40:58You were the talk of the tournament, Gilmore.
00:41:01Wow, thanks a lot.
00:41:03You sure crush the ball at the tee. You'd do well in a long-drive contest.
00:41:08You'd make good money, traveling, hustling at driving ranges.
00:41:12I know what you're doing right now...
00:41:15...and I don't like it. So just shut your trap before I put my foot in it.
00:41:22Don't turn your back on me. Listen, this is Shooter's tour.
00:41:26I worked hard, paid my dues... now it's Shooter's turn.
00:41:30Shooter won't let his reign at the top be spoiled by some freak.
00:41:34Did you call me a freak?
00:41:36I was on this tour for one reason... money.
00:41:39Now I got a new one... kicking your ass.
00:41:42I'd like to see you try.
00:41:45Let's do it.
00:41:47I meant at golf.
00:41:49What's going on here?
00:41:51I was looking for the other half of this bottle.
00:41:54Oh, there's some of it right there.
00:41:57- Why don't you put it down? - I know.
00:42:00Just stay out of my way. Or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.
00:42:05Why don't I go eat some hay?
00:42:07I could make things out of clay and lay by the bay.
00:42:11What do you say?
00:42:17Calm down or you'll get kicked off the Tour.
00:42:20- That can't happen. - It can, and I don't want it to.
00:42:24You could be a big star.
00:42:25I just want to make some money.
00:42:27You won't be around long enough to do that if you don't behave.
00:42:31What do you mean by "behave"?
00:42:33No swearing, no throwing clubs...
00:42:36...and especially no hitting other players.
00:42:39You mean no fun.
00:42:41You can have fun.
00:42:43That's why I think people come to see you. But keep it within reason.
00:42:48I will work on what you call behaving. But I won't act like a stiff.
00:42:54Fine. Thank you.
00:42:57Hey, um...
00:42:59...you want to get some food?
00:43:01No, thanks. I don't date golfers.
00:43:04Good. I'm a hockey player.
00:43:09Just behave, okay?
00:43:14Happy Gilmore approaches the tee in the 72nd annual Cleveland Classic.
00:43:19Happy Gilmore! Drive it 400 yards!
00:43:22I can't believe I have fans. I waited all my life for that.
00:43:28Don't be alarmed, Mr. Gilmore.
00:43:29I know we had our problems, but I'm proud of you.
00:43:33Thanks a lot, Mr. Larson.
00:43:35It's good to see you again.
00:43:37How's that, uh, thing feeling?
00:43:40Terrific. The nail comes out next week.
00:43:43Well, you hardly even notice it.
00:43:49Let's make a little noise here.
00:43:53Come on! I can't hear you!
00:44:22Trying to reach the green from here?
00:44:24That's not possible, sir.
00:44:26I beg to differ.
00:44:27Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago.
00:44:31Well, moron, good for Happy... Oh, my God!
00:44:46Oh, my God.
00:44:54Hey, Shooter, you forgot your nine iron.
00:45:02A large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.
00:45:07It's the tour sensation, Happy Gilmore...
00:45:10...who's attracting all types to this course. I even saw one guy...
00:45:15...wearing one of those beer-dispensing helmets.
00:45:27Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.
00:45:31This is a biggie, pal. I got to make some real money.
00:45:35What do you think? Slightly downhill?
00:45:38And slanting left.
00:45:39No, you think that 'cause you only got one shoe on.
00:45:44Oh, yeah.
00:46:00Happy Gilmore
00:46:32You got the ball?
00:46:42Happy Gilmore from nine feet.
00:46:45Here comes the putter throw.
00:46:47Wait. He's restrained himself. Maybe this is a new Happy Gilmore.
00:46:56Another tournament here in Dallas, and Shooter McGavin wins again.
00:47:00He's won here 3 years in a row.
00:47:15That son of a bitch!
00:47:17Give me my ball! Give it here! Cough it up, you dirty bastard!
00:47:22I'll rip it out of you!
00:47:24Give me...
00:47:25Give me the ball.
00:47:32You have one eye.
00:47:35Chubbs.
00:47:37You took his hand.
00:48:21That Happy Gilmore is a real crack-up. He's a hoot!
00:48:24He's bringing in some big crowds.
00:48:28Today, one of his fans mooned me. He had "HAPPY" written on his ass.
00:48:32"HA" was on one cheek and "PPY" on the other.
00:48:36I love what he's doing for golf.
00:48:38- Well, I'm starting to come around. - Everyone is.
00:48:42Well, I'm not, Doug!!
00:48:44This man is destroying golf.
00:48:46I saw two fat bikers in the woods off 17 having sex.
00:48:49How can I chip with that going on?
00:48:51- Kick him off the Tour. - He hasn't broken any rules.
00:48:56He's a disgrace to the game!
00:48:57Yes, but our ratings are up. We're attracting new, youthful sponsors.
00:49:02I'm sorry, Shooter.
00:49:04There's nothing I can do.
00:49:09Then I'll have to take care of this myself.
00:49:13Grandma, I came in 9th place. I won $35,000.
00:49:17So we'll get the house back?
00:49:19As long as I don't place last the next two times...
00:49:22...we'll get the money in time.
00:49:24That's wonderful, Happy.
00:49:26I love you, Grandma. Bye.
00:49:28Good-bye, darling.
00:49:34We should go on that date. I've been pretty good lately.
00:49:38Oh? I hear you broke a rake and threw it in the woods.
00:49:42I didn't break it. I was testing its durability.
00:49:45I put it in the woods because it's made of wood...
00:49:49...and he should be with his family.
00:49:52At least I didn't punch anyone.
00:49:55Okay, we'll go on a date. But just as friends.
00:49:59Slow down. I don't want to be more than friends.
00:50:03I just met you.
00:50:08Fit you okay?
00:50:10I haven't skated since I was a little kid.
00:50:15Can we get a little time here?
00:50:19For Happy Gilmore, anything.
00:50:25You played ice hockey?
00:50:27Shut up.
00:50:31Oh, my God... power failure.
00:50:33It's very scary in here.
00:50:35Did you plan this?
00:50:37No.
00:50:42I thought we were going to be just friends.
00:50:46What? Friends listen to "Endless Love" in the dark.
00:51:03This song reminds me of seventh grade.
00:51:07It reminds me of my grandmother.
00:51:10That's kind of weird.
00:51:12She took me to see this movie.
00:51:14I had the biggest crush on Brooke Shields.
00:51:18My grandma told me I should write her a letter, so I did.
00:51:22I got a letter back from Brooke two weeks later.
00:51:25But it was in my grandmother's handwriting.
00:51:29Your grandma sounds sweet.
00:51:31She is sweet. That's why I feel so terrible.
00:51:35Why?
00:51:37No, forget it.
00:51:40You can tell me.
00:51:43She's stuck in a nursing home. The IRS repossessed her house.
00:51:48That's awful.
00:51:50That's why I joined the Tour.
00:51:51I'm close to getting her house back.
00:51:54Don't tell anyone. I'm kind of embarrassed.
00:51:58Don't worry. I won't tell anyone.
00:52:03I'll make you a bet.
00:52:05Do you always carry a puck?
00:52:07Yeah.
00:52:10Now, if you get that puck in the net over there...
00:52:14...I’ll never bother you again.
00:52:18But if you miss...
00:52:21...you have to give me a big, fat kiss.
00:52:25And you have to pretend you like it.
00:52:27Really?
00:52:28Good luck.
00:52:43Shit.
00:52:45Talk about your all-time backfires.
00:52:49Happy...
00:52:53...I didn't see it go in.
00:53:08I'll give it all to you
00:53:13My love, my love, my love
00:53:17My endless love
00:53:37Welcome to soggy San Francisco...
00:53:40...site of this year's Pepsi Pro-Am.
00:53:43Hello, Happy. I'm Bob Barker.
00:53:45What an honor. Nice to meet you.
00:53:48We're playing together today.
00:53:51That's funny. Who am I really playing with?
00:53:53In a Pro-Am, each golfer plays with a celebrity.
00:53:56Wow.
00:53:58Nick Faldo and I won last year. I'd like to win this year.
00:54:02I'll do my best.
00:54:05Hey, Gilmore?
00:54:06You suck, you jackass.
00:54:09Shut the hell up.
00:54:13I'd love to punch that guy in the face, but I'd get in trouble.
00:54:17You get this on "Let's Make A Deal"?
00:54:19"The Price Is Right", Happy.
00:54:22Oh, yeah. Sorry.
00:54:23It happens. Let's play some golf.
00:54:31Jackass.
00:54:36The club went further than the ball.
00:54:39What was that all about?
00:54:41It's just that it's rainy and that guy... It just slipped.
00:54:53Get a blanket and suntan lotion, 'cause you'll never get off that beach.
00:54:58Just the way you never got into the NHL, you jackass!
00:55:09The green's that way.
00:55:19You will not make this putt, you jackass.
00:55:27Nice shooting, soldier.
00:55:33All right, Happy...
00:55:36...nice and easy.
00:55:43That was not nice and easy.
00:55:50That guy is driving me crazy.
00:55:52What's driving me crazy is you not getting the ball in the hole.
00:55:56Don't push me, Bob. Now's not the time.
00:56:04Jackass.
00:56:10This guy sucks!
00:56:13We haven't seen Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour.
00:56:18He and Bob Barker are now dead last.
00:56:21You should be working at the snack bar, not playing golf.
00:56:25Relax, Bob.
00:56:27There is no way you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf.
00:56:32Okay, let's go.
00:56:35You like that, old man?! You want a piece of me?
00:56:39I don't want a piece of you. I want the whole thing!
00:56:57Now you're gonna get it, Bobby!
00:57:19The price is wrong, bitch.
00:57:33I think you've had enough.
00:57:35No?
00:57:39Now you've had enough.
00:57:42Bitch.
00:57:46That couldn't have gone better.
00:57:48Instead of hitting you, he hits Bob Barker.
00:57:51Perfect.
00:57:52So, see you at the next tournament?
00:57:54No need. This was on national TV. Gilmore is gone.
00:57:59Let's get something at the Red Lobster. My treat.
00:58:03Some other time.
00:58:04I thought we were friends.
00:58:07We are. I just have to go.
00:58:09I'll be at the Red Lobster in case you change your mind.
00:58:13God bless!
00:58:15There you are.
00:58:17Happy Gilmore, come on down!
00:58:20Thank you, Shooter. Sit down.
00:58:23So you got in a fight with a game show host on national TV.
00:58:27That is not entertainment.
00:58:29This is not hockey, no matter how much you want it to be.
00:58:32I know that and I'm sorry.
00:58:34But there was a guy out there...
00:58:37...giving me crap. It took all I had not to hit him.
00:58:40So you head-butt Bob Barker? Who won that fight, anyway?
00:58:44Enough, Shooter.
00:58:45The board has done the following:
00:58:48Fined you $25,000 and suspended you for one month.
00:58:51- What?! I got to play! - What?! Kick him off the Tour.
00:58:54The board thinks that might be extreme...
00:58:58...considering the fact that our ratings were...
00:59:01...the highest we've ever had.
00:59:03My grandmother's house got repossessed.
00:59:06If I don't win more prize money, they'll sell it to someone else.
00:59:11Whoop-dee-doo. Get out.
00:59:18It's over. My grandmother will never see her house again.
00:59:23But you've made a lot of money. You could buy her a nice condo.
00:59:27My grandfather didn't build any condos with his bare hands.
00:59:32Damn it, I hate that Bob Barker.
00:59:34There must be another way to get the $50,000.
00:59:38I don't want to talk about it. I failed, okay?
00:59:42Let me just enjoy the one thing that makes me a bit happy...
00:59:46...this fresh, delicious, tasty...
00:59:49...meaty, turkey-filled...
00:59:51...Cold Cut Combo. I eat three every day just to keep me strong.
00:59:56Hey, Happy...
00:59:58...can I have one of those?
01:00:00Coming right up!
01:00:07Talk about a hole in one.
01:00:10Subway sandwiches will drive away your hunger.
01:00:14What do you think?
01:00:15I love it. He looks so handsome. And it makes me hungry.
01:00:19They gave me a card that gives us free Subway for life.
01:00:22That's lovely.
01:00:24You know what else is lovely?
01:00:26That commercial puts us up to $275,000.
01:00:30Let's go get your house back.
01:00:42What the hell?
01:00:49What's going on here?
01:00:50It's exciting. We're auctioning off your grandmother's house.
01:00:54You said if we got the money, we could buy it back.
01:00:58You can buy it back.
01:01:00Bidding will start at $100,000. Do I hear 100?
01:01:03This is the exciting part. Have fun.
01:01:06Look at all these people. What's going on, Happy?
01:01:10Thank you, two.
01:01:12They're auctioning it off.
01:01:14Good. We'll get it cheaper than we thought.
01:01:17Two fifty, thank you.
01:01:20Maybe not. Two seventy-five!
01:01:22Two seventy-five. And three.
01:01:25Three fifty down front.
01:01:26I have three fifty. Seventy-five anywhere?
01:01:30Three fifty... sold to the gentleman in the white sweater.
01:01:34What just happened, Happy?
01:01:37Go wait in the car, Grandma.
01:01:41What the hell is wrong with you?
01:01:43I enjoy real estate speculation.
01:01:47You touch me, I burn the house down and piss on the ashes.
01:01:51What do you want for it?
01:01:53You know what.
01:01:55You off the Tour.
01:01:57Quit, and the house is yours.
01:02:00Fine. I quit.
01:02:01No way. Happy, come here.
01:02:03He's right. I don't belong in golf. I'm a hockey player.
01:02:07- What team do you play for? - Easy.
01:02:10Face it, Happy. You are a golfer.
01:02:14I did this to get Grandma's house back. Now I can. No regrets.
01:02:19What do you think she wants more... to get her house back or see you succeed?
01:02:26Maybe she can have both. Hey, Shooter.
01:02:30The Tour Championship is next week.
01:02:33If I beat you, I get the house. You beat me, I'll quit.
01:02:37You're going to beat me? At golf?
01:02:42You're on.
01:02:44But you're in trouble. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
01:02:48You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
01:02:52No.
01:02:58That was great. I know you will kick his ass.
01:03:01That makes one of us.
01:03:03Take care of Grandma. I'll walk from here.
01:03:06- Where are you going? - To learn to play golf.
01:03:12I'm stupid, you're smart.
01:03:15I was wrong, you were right.
01:03:18You're the best, I'm the worst.
01:03:21You're very good-looking, I'm not attractive.
01:03:25Okay, as long as you're willing to admit that. Now...
01:03:29...are you ready to work and do what I tell you?
01:03:33Believe me, I'm ready.
01:03:35Then let's get to work.
01:03:39I'm sorry. Here.
01:03:43Here's your pinky.
01:03:52"Happyland", just like me.
01:03:54Don't get excited. I've been here before.
01:03:59This is embarrassing. I'm a professional golfer, for God's sake.
01:04:03No, it's your short game that's embarrassing. Let's go.
01:04:22Just line up the putt. Don't even look at the hole.
01:04:26Aim for a spot six inches in front of the hole. Line up with that.
01:04:31Okay. Six inches.
01:04:56This one's very tough.
01:05:03He's laughing, having fun.
01:05:05Yeah, laugh it up. Enjoy your night.
01:05:08Happy, concentrate.
01:05:17I hate that clown.
01:05:19Easy. If you can't beat the clown, how will you beat Shooter McGavin?
01:05:32You're gonna die, clown!
01:05:36Is that funny? I don't hear you laughing now!
01:05:39Enough.
01:05:40What? I can't do it!
01:05:42Come with me, Happy. Come on!
01:05:46You suck, you stupid clown!
01:05:50Remember, this isn't hockey.
01:05:52You don't play with raw emotion. You can't putt angry.
01:05:57You must clear your mind of everything else and stay focused.
01:06:06How can I do that?
01:06:08Think of a place that's really perfect.
01:06:11Your own happy place.
01:06:14Go there and all your anger will disappear.
01:06:17Then putt.
01:06:20Happy place.
01:06:21Happy place.
01:06:23Your happy place.
01:06:55Now how do you feel?
01:06:56Better.
01:06:58Now putt.
01:07:22Your happy place.
01:07:30We took some giant steps tonight.
01:07:33I'm really proud of you.
01:07:36Here.
01:07:38I got something special for you.
01:07:40Thanks, Chubbs.
01:07:42It's the putter I used when I played... slightly modified, of course.
01:07:47Man, this is excellent.
01:07:50You got the spirit of a hockey player in you, so I figured... why fight it?
01:07:56I got something for you, too.
01:07:58If not for you, none of this would have happened...
01:08:02...so I wanted to show my appreciation.
01:08:08This looks nice. What is it?
01:08:10Open it.
01:08:12Shit.
01:08:13Oh, man.
01:08:15Remember the 'gator that got your hand?
01:08:17I got his head.
01:08:31First my dad and now Chubbs.
01:08:34Anyone I get close to, dies. If I were you, I'd run.
01:08:38You can't blame yourself for this.
01:08:41I guess that alligator finally finished the job.
01:08:44I'm going to miss you, pal.
01:08:55How am I going to play today?
01:08:57Just remember what he taught you.
01:08:59Congratulations, murderer. You killed a golf legend.
01:09:03Beat it, McGavin.
01:09:04I'm dedicating my performance at the Tour Championship to Chubbs' memory.
01:09:09I'm playing for Chubbs.
01:09:11I called it first.
01:09:13You want to beat him? Beat him on the course.
01:09:17Yeah, I'm gonna beat your ass out there.
01:09:20Right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard.
01:09:22Grizzly Adams did have a beard.
01:09:28The golfers of the Tour Championship...
01:09:30...are ready to begin. There may be 63 professionals...
01:09:33...vying for the title of world's best...
01:09:35but in the minds of the spectators, there are only two.
01:09:39Tour kingpin Shooter McGavin...
01:09:41...and bad boy Happy Gilmore, just off suspension.
01:09:44Wouldn't you know it? They've been paired together.
01:09:48I have some good interior design ideas for Grandma's house.
01:09:52You know the bedroom next to the stairs?
01:09:54Yeah, that was my room.
01:09:56I'm turning it into my trophy room.
01:10:11It just may not be big enough.
01:10:14All right.
01:10:30You know what's pathetic? You've been playing golf all your life.
01:10:38Let me show you how we do it in the pros.
01:10:48That's got to hurt.
01:10:58Happy learned how to putt. Uh-oh.
01:11:03Here's a free lesson.
01:11:11Can't learn that on a hockey rink.
01:11:25Somebody's closer.
01:11:29After one day, Shooter McGavin is leading.
01:11:32But the big surprise is young Happy Gilmore...
01:11:36...nipping at his heels, trailing by only one stroke.
01:11:41Shooter from the sand.
01:11:43Playing like he really wants that jacket.
01:11:51Happy Gilmore answers back with a birdie.
01:12:08Happy with a long eagle opportunity.
01:12:13It's good!
01:12:15And Shooter can't believe it!
01:12:17He is now tied with Happy Gilmore!
01:12:23Uh-oh. A little too much zip on that one.
01:12:28Hold it, hold it, hold it.
01:12:31No!
01:12:36I didn't see that. Did it go in? I wasn't watching.
01:12:41I wasn't watching. I saw it go up. Did it go back in?
01:12:46At the end of day three, Happy Gilmore has the lead.
01:12:49One has to be impressed with the vast improvement in his short game.
01:13:13Donald, it's Shooter.
01:13:15Shooter! It's great to hear from you!
01:13:18Want to go to Sizzler and get some grub?
01:13:20No, thanks. Not hungry.
01:13:22This call is about business. I need you here in the morning.
01:13:27It's the final day of the Tour Championship...
01:13:29...and it promises to be a classic.
01:13:32Happy Gilmore leads the pack.
01:13:34Is this a changing of the guard? We'll know in 18 holes.
01:13:45Happy is really on today.
01:14:01There he is.
01:14:02That worm.
01:14:04Happy, look out!
01:14:12Are you okay?
01:14:13Volkswagen.
01:14:15Jackass!
01:14:33Jackass!
01:14:35You have no serious injuries. Just keep off your feet for a few days.
01:14:39Forget it. I have to finish.
01:14:41Do what you like. What do I know? I'm just a doctor.
01:14:44- Are you okay? - I'm fine.
01:14:46There is no shame in throwing in the towel.
01:14:49You must be careful with your health.
01:14:52Let's just play some golf.
01:14:54I knew Happy Gilmore was tough...
01:14:56...but I can't believe he's playing after being hit by a car.
01:15:00Let's hope it doesn't affect his game.
01:15:07That's the first time he's failed to outdrive McGavin.
01:15:10Well, well, well. Happy Gilmore is human after all.
01:15:15Happy Gilmore is in trouble if he can't hit the long ball.
01:15:20If he has a chance...
01:15:21...of winning today, he must do it on the green.
01:15:30He has to focus now. He has to save this one for par.
01:15:38That bogey drops him out of the lead.
01:15:41If he wants to stay in this thing...
01:15:44...he has to calm down.
01:15:53Don't worry about your grandma. She can live with me... be my maid.
01:16:03Look at the cabbage he's in now.
01:16:05Things just keep getting worse for Happy Gilmore.
01:16:11Just remember what Chubbs said.
01:16:14"Go to a happy place."
01:16:17"Go to a happy place."
01:16:57God!
01:17:11This looks like the end for Happy Gilmore.
01:17:13Shooter now has a commanding lead.
01:17:35Happy, look who's here.
01:17:37Grandma.
01:17:40Happy, you look upset. What's wrong?
01:17:43I stink. I'm not going to win.
01:17:46Don't worry, sweetheart. The house isn't important. It's just a house.
01:17:51Stop fraternizing with the help, Gilmore.
01:17:53Just hit your ball, if you can find it.
01:17:57Hi, Grandma.
01:17:59Forget him. I just want you to be happy, darling.
01:18:06All right, Grandma.
01:18:14Grandma wants me to be happy.
01:18:38Chin up, Happy. Don't feel bad about me.
01:18:42I got my hand back, see?
01:18:46We've only just begun
01:18:51To live
01:18:55White lace and promises
01:19:00A kiss for luck and we're on our way
01:19:14It ain't over yet, McGavin. The way I see it, we've only just begun.
01:19:46Happy, the gold jacket's yours. Shooter will choke.
01:19:55Unbelievable!
01:20:08Damn you people! This is golf, not a rock concert!
01:20:19Putz!
01:20:40Happy...
01:20:42...rules!
01:20:57Happy Gilmore has charged in the back nine...
01:21:00...and is now even with Shooter McGavin.
01:21:02If Shooter doesn't get out of the funk he's in...
01:21:06...he may miss out on the gold jacket.
01:21:09Ladies and gentlemen, the 18th hole is a par three, 160 yards.
01:21:13In the event of a tie, there will be a play-off.
01:21:16Mr. Gilmore, you have the honors.
01:21:20No matter what, I'm having fun.
01:21:23You're starting to sound like a golfer.
01:21:25I know. Keep it down.
01:21:47Nice shot! Fifteen feet short of the hole.
01:22:03Shooter's ball is in the woods.
01:22:05Happy's on the 18th green, where a car driven by a crazed fan...
01:22:09...rammed the TV tower.
01:22:14Let me through... I'm looking for my ball.
01:22:16This is golf, okay? Excuse me. Thank you.
01:22:26Is this your ball?
01:22:28Yes, it is.
01:22:30It struck my foot.
01:22:32Doug!
01:22:35Do I get a drop?
01:22:37The rule says, "Play it as it lies."
01:23:03That's two so far, Shooter.
01:23:05You can count. Good for you.
01:23:08And you can count on me waiting for you in the parking lot.
01:23:26You're still away.
01:23:27I'm aware of that. Thank you.
01:23:31I can't see.
01:23:32Hey, up here.
01:23:46Shooter needs this to put pressure on Happy.
01:23:49If he misses, Happy can two-putt to victory.
01:24:03Choke on that, baby!
01:24:14Shooter.
01:24:24If Gilmore sinks this, it will cap an amazing comeback.
01:24:46Great. Now I have a tower blocking my ball.
01:24:49We'll get it moved and you'll finish tomorrow. Right, Doug?
01:24:53No, he has to hit it now. "Play it as it lies."
01:24:57I hit it off Frankenstein's fat foot. Those are the rules.
01:25:02He's right. Take your shot, Mr. Gilmore.
01:25:06Virginia, just so you know, my jacket size is 44 long.
01:25:10And my right arm is a bit longer than my left.
01:25:14Hit it around the tower, sink your putt and we'll go to sudden death.
01:25:26Nah, I'll just beat him now.
01:25:29Good luck.
01:25:36Chubbs, I know you'll help me here.
01:26:14Oh, my God.
01:26:17Incredible! Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket.
01:26:24I love you. I love you.
01:26:26And I love you.
01:26:29Doug! It's impossible!
01:26:31That's my jacket! It's mine!
01:26:35He stole my jacket!
01:26:37I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's.
01:27:02I will get you, Shooter!
01:27:05Stop! Stop!
01:27:08Be still!
01:27:10Don't!!!
01:27:24- Coming? - You bet.
01:27:26All right.
01:27:41Here's to Chubbs, wherever he is.
01:27:47Hey, Happy.
01:27:51Nice jacket.
01:27:56Who are you waving at, Happy?
01:27:59Nobody, Grandma. Let's go home.

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