Space Jam

00:00:36[BALL BOUNCING]
00:01:03Michael?
00:01:08What are you doing out here, son? It's after midnight.
00:01:11MICHAEL: Couldn't sleep, Pops.
00:01:13Well, neither can we, with all that noise you're making.
00:01:16Come on, let's go inside.
00:01:18Just one more shot?
00:01:20[CHUCKLES]
00:01:21All right. Just one.
00:01:24Yeah.
00:01:27[JAMES CHUCKLES]
00:01:28That's good. Shoot it again.
00:01:34Getting pretty good, son. Go ahead, shoot till you miss.
00:01:38You think if I can get good enough, I can go to college?
00:01:40Hey...
00:01:43...if you get good enough, you can do anything you want to, Michael.
00:01:48I want to play at North Carolina.
00:01:52That's a real fine school. Real fine school.
00:01:54You can get a first-class education there.
00:01:57I want to play on a championship team.
00:02:00Then I want to play in the NBA.
00:02:05[CHUCKLING] All right, let's slow down, son.
00:02:08Don't you think you ought to get a little sleep first?
00:02:10- And once I've done all that... - Uh-huh.
00:02:12...I want to play baseball, just like you, Dad.
00:02:15Baseball. Now, that's a sport.
00:02:18And when you're finished with that, I suppose you're gonna fly, huh?
00:02:45[CROWD CHEERING]
00:05:55MICHAEL: I just feel at this particular time...
00:05:57...that I reached the, uh, pinnacle of my basketball career and I must retire.
00:06:01[MURMURING]
00:06:02The one good thing that comes out of this is that my father had the opportunity...
00:06:05...to see me play my last basketball game, and that means a lot to me.
00:06:09MALE REPORTER: What are you gonna do now?
00:06:11Well, I've never really told anybody this, except for one person, and, uh...
00:06:16But I think I'm gonna go play professional baseball.
00:06:18[MURMURING]
00:06:19- What position will you play? - I don't know. As a kid, I was a pitcher.
00:06:23I think that would be kind of hard for me to pitch, so I'm gonna play the outfield.
00:07:11[SCREAMING]
00:07:15KID: Woo-hoo!
00:07:19Let's get out of here, Dad. This stinks.
00:07:21Don't bring me here anymore, all right?
00:07:23- Don't bring me here anymore, all right? SWACKHAMMER: Are you listening?
00:07:27Did you hear him? Did you hear him? That little brat is right.
00:07:32I've told you, if I've told you once...
00:07:34...I told you a thousand, thousand, thousand, thousand times.
00:07:39We need new attractions.
00:07:41- Right. - New ones.
00:07:42Uh-huh.
00:07:44- Get it? - Big, shiny new things, yeah.
00:07:46- Absolutely, sir. - Look at me. Look at me and listen.
00:07:49The customer is always right.
00:07:51[SCREAMS]
00:07:52BOTH: Right. - The customer is always right.
00:07:55BUPKUS: Exactly.
00:07:57Always.
00:07:58[GROANS]
00:08:00ALL: Right.
00:08:01- Okay, we need something-- NAWT: My bad.
00:08:04We need something...
00:08:05[YELLS]
00:08:07-...nutty. - Nutty.
00:08:09- Something wacky. NAWT: Wacky.
00:08:11We need something, something-- Something-- We need something--
00:08:14Looney? Oops.
00:08:16Looney. Thank you.
00:08:17Looney?
00:08:21I'm an elk. Shoot me.
00:08:28Yes. Looney. Yes.
00:08:30Now you're talking. Looney. Looney. That's it.
00:08:34That's the word I was looking for. Looney.
00:08:36- Get the Looney Tunes. - Looney Tunes!
00:08:39- Bring them here. BLANKO: Sir. Just noticing, sir.
00:08:43They're from Earth. What if they can't come?
00:08:46What did you say? What if they can't come?
00:08:51- Make them. - Cool.
00:08:54Make them. Ha-ha-ha.
00:08:55CREATURES: We're gonna go get them. Yeah. All right.
00:09:07UMPIRE: Strike!
00:09:12Looks good in that uniform.
00:09:14Looks great. Can't teach that.
00:09:16Can't teach it.
00:09:17Thanks for autographing that basketball for my kid. I'm a hero now.
00:09:21No problem. Happy to do it, man.
00:09:23Let's g0!
00:09:28Curve ball. Don't swing.
00:09:31Don't swing.
00:09:40UMPIRE: Ball!
00:09:46Fastball, outside corner. Swing.
00:09:53Strike!
00:09:56CATCHER: That was your pitch.
00:09:57I know, I missed it.
00:09:59Don't worry. I'll get you another one.
00:10:04Podolak. Podolak, come here.
00:10:07Sorry, I didn't mean to--
00:10:08- Come here. - Yes, sir?
00:10:11Make sure nobody bothers Michael. I want him to be the happiest player in the world.
00:10:15The happiest.
00:10:17Slider. Don't swing.
00:10:25Strike three!
00:10:26I told you not to swing.
00:10:28I couldn't help it.
00:10:29I understand. Hey, nice talking to you.
00:10:31[ORGAN PLAYING "CHARGE"]
00:10:39We're not worried. We're not worried.
00:10:45PLAYER 1: Good job, Mike. PLAYER 2: Good hustle.
00:10:47Good cut, Michael. Good cut.
00:10:49That was a strikeout, Mike? Good-looking strikeout. Real good.
00:10:52You look good when you strike out. When I strike out, it looks nasty, man.
00:10:55At least you look good, man. Good-looking.
00:10:58[GRUNTING]
00:10:59Hi, Mr. Jordan.
00:11:01Mr. Jordan, I'm Stan Podolak--
00:11:03[YELLS]
00:11:05[STAN GROANING]
00:11:07Oh, jeez.
00:11:13- You all right? That was a nasty fall. - Yeah.
00:11:17Oh. I'm Stan Podolak, Mr. Jordan. I'm the Barons' new publicist.
00:11:23I'm here to make your life easier. Want me to drive you somewhere?
00:11:26Want me to pick up your laundry, babysit your kids? I will do it.
00:11:30I am here to personally guarantee that no one will ever bother you.
00:11:37[CROWD GASPING AND MURMURING]
00:11:45What was that?
00:11:51Hang on.
00:11:52- Hanging on. - Hanging on.
00:11:55BLANKO: Are we there yet?
00:12:00[YELLING]
00:12:06- Bombastic. - Cool.
00:12:17[GUNSHOTS]
00:12:18ELMER: All right, you irascible bunny.
00:12:21Come back here, you screwy rodent.
00:12:23I'll, uh, be with you in a second, folks, after I finish with nature boy here.
00:12:28All right, you pesky rabbit. I've got you now.
00:12:33Ouch!
00:12:36Hmm.
00:12:39One small step for moi--
00:12:43One giant leap for Moron Mountain.
00:12:46[SCREAMS]
00:12:48And one Whopper headache for Elmer Fudd.
00:12:55Diminutive, ain't they?
00:12:57- We seek the one they call Bugs Bunny. - Yeah, Bugs Bunny.
00:13:00- Have you seen him? - Where is this guy?
00:13:02BLANKO: Is he around?
00:13:04Hmm. Bugs Bunny, Bugs Bunny.
00:13:07Say, does he have, uh, great big long ears?
00:13:11- Like this? - Yeah. Yeah.
00:13:13And does he hop around like this?
00:13:20- Yeah. - Well, uh...
00:13:22...does he say, "What's up, doc?" like this:
00:13:26- Eh, what's up, doc? - Yeah!
00:13:29Nope. Never heard of him.
00:13:32[ALL SIGHS]
00:13:34You know, maybe there is no intelligent life out there in the universe after all.
00:13:40[HUMMING]
00:13:43POUND: Hold on there, Mr. Looney Tune.
00:13:46BANG: Hey, what do you think we are, stupid?
00:13:49Don't move a muscle.
00:13:52Okay, bunny, gather up your Tune pals.
00:13:56- We're taking you for a ride. Ha, ha. NAWT: Move it, mister.
00:13:59Totally. All right. So, like, where are we going?
00:14:06Are we there yet?
00:14:09STAN: Sorry it took so long. MICHAEL: Don't worry.
00:14:11STAN: That exit wasn't clearly marked. MICHAEL: Hold up, right here.
00:14:14STAN: What, here? MICHAEL: Yes.
00:14:21Thanks for the ride, Sherm. Appreciate it.
00:14:23-It's Stan, Mike. - Sorry.
00:14:25But you can call me Sherm if you want to. I've followed your whole career.
00:14:28- You're the greatest athlete that's ever lived. - Stan, Stan, Stan.
00:14:32How do I get out? The door doesn't work.
00:14:35- I'm sorry. I forgot-- It's a classic. - Oh, yeah.
00:14:38It's a classic, but it's got a few peccadilloes. Hold on just a second.
00:14:42A few, huh? It's smoking, too, man. You need to get that checked.
00:14:45[GROWLING]
00:14:47Thanks for the ride.
00:14:49Oh.
00:14:50Oh, this is nice. This is a nice house.
00:14:53That is a beauty. What is that, Colonial?
00:14:56It's a nice house.
00:14:57If you need anything done around the house, I'd be happy--
00:15:00- Oh, no, I'm fine, thanks. - Anything you need.
00:15:02- You gave me a ride. I appreciate it. - Sure.
00:15:04Tomorrow I'm gonna drive, okay? So I don't need the ride.
00:15:08But thanks, though.
00:15:09Too conspicuous?
00:15:12Yeah.
00:15:13[CHUCKLES]
00:15:15- All right. All right. - Thanks, though.
00:15:18- Tomorrow. - See you tomorrow.
00:15:22[BARKS]
00:15:29Come on, dog. No, not today.
00:15:31[GRUNTS]
00:15:32Dog, get off me. Your breath.
00:15:34- Mr. Jordan, are you okay? - Get off of me!
00:15:36Get off of him, Charles.
00:15:37- Bad dog. Git. - Get off of him.
00:15:39- Get off me, Charles. - Get off of him before I cook you.
00:15:42Come on, come on. Come on, baby. Come on.
00:15:47[CHATTERING AND CHEERING]
00:15:52Get out of the car!
00:15:56Good game.
00:15:58Hey, Jeff, you okay?
00:16:06- How was your game? JEFF: I don't want to talk.
00:16:08- Hi, Dad. JASMINE: Hey, hey.
00:16:10PASSENGERS: Michael!
00:16:14- Daddy, Daddy! - How you doing?
00:16:17JUANITA: Hey. MICHAEL: Hey.
00:16:20- Ooh. You're all covered with drool, baby. - That's your dog.
00:16:23- What's wrong with Jeff? - He went two for five...
00:16:26-...lost 32 points in his average. - Is that all?
00:16:28Yeah, so that puts him at like a .685 or something.
00:16:31He's batting what?
00:16:33Mm. Smells good in here. What you cooking?
00:16:37HOUSEKEEPER: Chicken. - Chicken and what?
00:16:40- Chicken and collard greens. - Good. I'm gonna need a good meal tonight.
00:16:43[HOUSEKEEPER CHUCKLES]
00:16:46Is everything okay?
00:16:47I stunk up the place. I hope this baseball thing was a good idea.
00:16:51It was another career day for Michael Jordan at Barons Field this afternoon.
00:16:54Let's face it. This baseball--
00:16:56What are you guys watching?
00:16:58- Today he had three strikeouts. - Is this the only thing on TV?
00:17:01- That brings his batting average down... - What's up with this?
00:17:04...to an anemic .214, which is also his weight.
00:17:06Baseball bat? Get this guy a tennis racquet.
00:17:10Did everyone get mad at you?
00:17:13No. Worse. Everyone was real nice about it.
00:17:16Michael, I know golf is your sport, but not here.
00:17:20I think you should open up your stance a little.
00:17:23It might make you more aggressive at the plate.
00:17:25- You think so? I'll try to remember that. - Watching this hurts me more than you.
00:17:30What are you guys doing watching this stuff? It's bad for you.
00:17:39There you go. Road Runner. Beep, beep.
00:17:48[ROAD RUNNER BEEPS]
00:17:50Oh. Stop this cartoon.
00:17:53[PORKY PANTING]
00:17:55We've got an emergency Cartoon Character Union Meeting to go to.
00:18:01Hey, wait for me. Hold your horses.
00:18:12Dang. Where'd they go?
00:18:21- Stop the music. Top duck coming through. FOGHORN: Hey!
00:18:24Jeez. It's getting so a guy can't even get himself wet around here.
00:18:28So, what's the big emergency?
00:18:30Uh, these little guys would like to make an announcement. Here you go, shorty.
00:18:34- Go. - All right, all right.
00:18:37[CLEARS THROAT]
00:18:38You, all of you, are now our prisoners.
00:18:44[LAUGHING]
00:18:47TUNE: We're in big trouble now.
00:18:51We are taking you to our theme park in outer space.
00:18:54- No fooling. - Where you'll be our slaves.
00:18:57And placed on display for the amusement of our paying customers.
00:19:00Oh, fear clutches my breast.
00:19:03[LAUGHING]
00:19:05We ain't going nowheres.
00:19:15Eh, not so fast, doc.
00:19:18You just can't turn us into slaves. That would be bad.
00:19:21You've gotta give us a chance to defend ourselves.
00:19:23- Oh, yeah? Who says? NAWT: Says who?
00:19:26BUPKUS: Why? - Just a sec.
00:19:28- There. Read them and weep. - What's this?
00:19:31"Give them a chance to defend themselves."
00:19:35Aw. Do we have to?
00:19:37-It's in the rule book. - It is.
00:19:38Okay. It is in the rule book.
00:19:40[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
00:19:42We have to confer.
00:19:46All right, troops. It is for us to choose a battlefield that affords us--
00:19:52Oh, I got it.
00:19:54Yes, Private Porkster?
00:19:57How about we challenge them to a...
00:20:00-...spelling bee? - Say...
00:20:02...we could have a bowling tournament.
00:20:05[CHUCKLES]
00:20:06Suffering succotash.
00:20:08What's wrong with all of you?
00:20:10I say we get a ladder...
00:20:12...wait till the old lady's out of the room...
00:20:14...then grab that little bird.
00:20:17Whoa, whoa, take a deep breath, Sly.
00:20:21Okay, let's analyze the competition.
00:20:25Now, uh, what are we looking at here? We got a small race of invading aliens.
00:20:31Small arms. Short legs.
00:20:34Not very fast.
00:20:36Tiny little guys.
00:20:38Cafltjump high-
00:20:40ALL: Ah.
00:20:45We challenge you to a basketball game.
00:20:49All right. Basketball it is.
00:20:51Basketball. Basketball.
00:20:53- Boy,oh,boy. - All right.
00:20:55What is basketball?
00:20:56- What's that? - Beats me.
00:20:58We didn't have that in school.
00:20:59- Lights. FOGHORN: Pardon me. Sorry.
00:21:02Hey! Down in front.
00:21:04NARRATOR". An exhilarating team sport...
00:21:06...currently growing rapidly in popularity is basketball.
00:21:11Unlike football and baseball, only five men can play on a team.
00:21:16It's a fast-paced, razzle-dazzle game that requires quick wits...
00:21:21...and even faster reflexes.
00:21:24Here's how it's done in the professional ranks...
00:21:27...the National Basketball Association, featuring the best players in the world.
00:21:32- The best players in the world. - The best.
00:21:36[HORNS HONKING]
00:21:53[CROWD BOOS]
00:21:56POUND: Excuse me. Oh, so sorry.
00:21:58NAWT: Excuse me.
00:22:00BUPKUS: Ow. Get your feet out of my nose.
00:22:02BANG: Quiet, they're looking.
00:22:04NAWT: Hey, it's basketball.
00:22:08BANG: Where? BLANKO: Whoa. Now what?
00:22:13[CROWD CHEERS]
00:22:14NAWT: Hey, hey! POUND: What?
00:22:16NAWT: She's looking again. BUPKUS: Close it up.
00:22:18- Tightly. - Aah.
00:22:19POUND: You poked me again.
00:22:21[NERDLUCKS GRUNTING]
00:22:22- Sweetheart? - What?
00:22:24- I thought you'd get better seats. - This is as good as I could get.
00:22:27This guy next to me is doing something very weird in his raincoat.
00:22:30Honey, will you just let me watch the game? Barkley's killing us.
00:22:34Hey, someone's killing someone.
00:22:36No. Seriously?
00:22:38POUND: Wow, a killer. BANG: Let me see.
00:22:43There. That's him, the killer.
00:22:46He's big.
00:22:48He's good.
00:22:50He's mine.
00:22:51NAWT: Okay, go get him. POUND: Yeah.
00:23:07Get back on defense. Let's go. Get back on defense, man.
00:23:13[CROWD CHEERS]
00:23:16What are you doing?
00:23:26Time out. Call time out.
00:23:28[WHISTLE BLOWS]
00:23:29What's wrong with you, man? You're killing us.
00:23:32- Let him in. Open up. - Open.
00:23:35BUPKUS: WOW. He did it.
00:23:38I got it. I got his talent.
00:23:40- All right. - Super.
00:23:42- Sit down, Chuck. - Man, I'm fine. I am fine.
00:23:45No, no. I played you too many minutes.
00:23:47- But I'm not tired. - Go get the doctor.
00:23:59- What's up, man? You all right? - Yeah.
00:24:01You sure?
00:24:03Come on, we're okay. You're okay. Come on, let's go.
00:24:12Come on, Patrick. It's showtime.
00:24:16MAN: What's wrong with him?
00:24:24Popcorn--
00:24:26In a shocking development...
00:24:27...five NBA players have been placed on the disabled list in the last 24 hours...
00:24:31...all suffering from the same mysterious ailment.
00:24:34- Yeah? Hmm. - Whatever this mystery is...
00:24:35-...it affects the player's coordination. - I'll be home in a couple days.
00:24:39- Watch Patrick Ewing. - Put your mom on the phone.
00:24:43- It wasn't just in New York. - Hey, baby. How you doing?
00:24:46- Check out the highlights. - You watching TV?
00:24:52What the hell is going on?
00:24:53- You gonna be all right? - I'm ready, coach. All right.
00:24:59Looks like I retired just in time.
00:25:01[KNOCK ON DOOR]
00:25:03All right, baby, gotta go. I'll call you later, okay? Love you. Bye.
00:25:08It's open!
00:25:09Come on, it's game time. Get your Hanes on. Lace up your Nikes.
00:25:12Grab your Wheaties and your Gatorade and we'll pick up a Big Mac on the way.
00:25:16Now we take you live to the Forum in Los Angeles...
00:25:19...where the Lakers are refusing to take the court.
00:25:21[CHATTERING]
00:25:24Guys, we gotta get dressed.
00:25:25We got a game in five minutes. I mean, we're talking about a huge fine here.
00:25:29- No, we can't go in the locker room. - Oh, man.
00:25:31You heard what happened to Barkley and Ewing. There's germs in there.
00:25:35Cedric, that was in New York, 3000 miles away.
00:25:38Bacteria can travel faster than the speed of light.
00:25:41- It could be Invasion of the Body Snatchers. PLAYER: Yeah, could be.
00:25:44All right. Dress in the hallway.
00:25:47PLAYERS: Okay.
00:25:52Okay, okay, now, which one of you maroons has ever played basketball before?
00:25:57I have, coach. And there's an important strategic question I need to ask you.
00:26:01Yes, yes?
00:26:06What do you think? I'm kind of partial to purple and gold, myself.
00:26:10It goes better with my coloring. A one, two, three, four.
00:26:13Guys? Nice outfit, Daffy.
00:26:15The little aliens say it's their turn to, uh, use the court.
00:26:20Sure, let the little pipsqueaks knock themselves out.
00:26:24Too bad you can't practice getting taller, boys.
00:26:27[TUNES LAUGHING]
00:26:28[THUNDER CRASHES]
00:26:34BUPKUS: Whoa! NAWT: Ah!
00:26:50[YELLS]
00:26:56[GROWLS AND CHUCKLES]
00:26:59[ROARS]
00:27:05[CHUCKLING]
00:27:07Hey, little pig.
00:27:09- Boo. - Aah!
00:27:13I wet myself.
00:27:15[MONSTARS CHUCKLING]
00:27:17Time to play a little basketball.
00:27:25Those little pipsqueaks just turned into superstars.
00:27:28They're monsters.
00:27:31Suffering succotash.
00:27:33They're Monstars.
00:27:37Bye-bye.
00:27:42Eh, I think we might need a little bit of help.
00:27:45[BILL SIGHS]
00:27:46BILL: A hundred and seventy-five yards.
00:27:48Okay, little fella. You my friend or are you my enemy?
00:27:53You are my friend, right? You are my ally.
00:27:56You are my associate, my personal assistant.
00:27:59You are my weapon. You are leaving.
00:28:04- Great shot. - Nice shot, Mr. Murray.
00:28:12MICHAEL: You can stop posing now.
00:28:14[CHUCKLES]
00:28:16- Good try. - Not bad, not bad.
00:28:18BILL: Something for you to shoot at. - Hit it good.
00:28:21Do my best.
00:28:24It was a good shot.
00:28:26Yeah, I know.
00:28:28Mike, I gotta ask you something.
00:28:29The NBA has to face reality.
00:28:31What's happening to these players is serious.
00:28:34They're gonna need new players with talent.
00:28:36Guys who are skilled, but never really thought about a professional career before.
00:28:42You think I got a shot'?
00:28:46- Come on, really? - No.
00:28:47- Don't kid me. - Listen. It's a man's game.
00:28:51- You can't play. - What if I tried really hard?
00:28:53Keep it down. I'm trying to hit this ball.
00:28:56It's because I'm white, isn't it?
00:28:58No. Larry's white. So what?
00:29:00Larry's not white. Larry's clear.
00:29:05- Good shot, Larry. STAN: That's nice.
00:29:07Get inside his ball.
00:29:09STAN: Whoa.
00:29:10LARRY: You clowns can't beat that.
00:29:12- My best shot ever. - You haven't played long.
00:29:14A Hall-of-Fame shot.
00:29:15- Really nice shot, Mr. Bird. LARRY: Larry, please.
00:29:18- Nice shot, Mr. Larry. - Nice shot, Larry.
00:29:20You can do this.
00:29:22Don't be nervous. You can do this.
00:29:25Larry, you feel that the NBA has to face reality, don't you?
00:29:27Gotta look for more dominant players in places they never looked before.
00:29:31Just look at the ball. Visualize where you want it to go.
00:29:34- Right, right, right. - Be the ball. Be the ball.
00:29:37Get off the tee.
00:29:39You can't jump.
00:29:42L-- Yeah, go on.
00:29:44- Close to the pin'? BILL: Close to the pin? For dinner?
00:29:47LARRY: Sounds good. BILL: I'll go close to the pin.
00:29:49- Okay, cool. - I'll take some of that.
00:29:54BILL: That's not bad.
00:29:56LARRY: Good shot.
00:29:57Get down.
00:30:00MICHAEL: Look at that. Look at that spin.
00:30:13Come on.
00:30:16It is alive.
00:30:21Yes! Yes! My first hole in one. Yes!
00:30:26BILL: Oh.
00:30:27LARRY: Don't say it. STAN: Never seen one of these before.
00:30:30Larry, nothing but the bottom of the cup.
00:30:34BILL: That's his ball too. - Yeah, yeah, it's my ball. Sorry.
00:30:37- Let me get a picture. - You guys are jealous.
00:30:39All right, here we go. Now, you gotta smile. Reach in for the ball and then smile, okay?
00:30:44- Yes. - And you think, "This is good."
00:30:46MICHAEL: Just take the picture. - Okay.
00:30:57- What kind of camera is that? - Just--
00:30:59Don't point it at me. Close the lens cap.
00:31:01- I didn't do anything. - Where did he go?
00:31:03[YELLING]
00:31:08Hey!
00:31:10No,no,no!
00:31:22[BIRDS TWITTERING]
00:31:24Oh, uh, look out for that first step, doc, it's a real lulu.
00:31:29Bugs Bunny?
00:31:30Eh, you were expecting maybe the Easter Bunny?
00:31:33- You're a cartoon. You're not real. - Not real, eh?
00:31:35If I weren't real, could I do this?
00:31:41Ugh.
00:31:42Oh, look. Is that Michael?
00:31:44It's Michael.
00:31:46GRANNY: It's Air Jordan.
00:31:48Basketball.
00:31:50Ooh. I tought I taw...
00:31:53I did. I did see Michael Jordan.
00:31:56Pardon me, Mr. Jordan. Uh, can I have your auto--?
00:32:00Your John Hancock, please?
00:32:02Back off. Let the doctor take a look.
00:32:07- A little high. - No.
00:32:09Going down.
00:32:10No!
00:32:15[CHATTERING]
00:32:17So, what do you say we go for a little spin?
00:32:23Hmm. Now, let's see what we got inside here.
00:32:27[YODELS]
00:32:29DAFFY". Say “ ah
00:32:33All right. He's okay.
00:32:37- What's going on here? - Why, Michael, I thought you'd never ask.
00:32:41These aliens from outer space want to make us slaves in their theme park.
00:32:45What do we care? They're little.
00:32:47So we challenged them to a basketball game.
00:32:49But then they show up and they ain't so little. They're huge.
00:32:52We need to beat these guys, because they're talking about slavery.
00:32:55They'll make us do stand-up comedy, the same jokes every night for all eternity.
00:33:00We'll be locked up like wild animals and then trotted out to perform...
00:33:03...for a bunch of lowbrow, bug-eyed, fat-headed, humor-challenged aliens.
00:33:07Uh, what I'm trying to say is...
00:33:10...we need your help!
00:33:13Yeah, but I'm a baseball player now.
00:33:15Right. And I'm a Shakespearean actor.
00:33:23Mike? Michael? It's Stan. Stan Podolak.
00:33:28Uh, look, I need you to come out now, okay?
00:33:30Because you got a baseball game tomorrow.
00:33:33And I'd look pretty stupid if you don't show up.
00:33:37Think Michael's all right? I hate to leave him like this.
00:33:39I'm sure he's fine. I think he just had to get away from that Stan character.
00:33:44- God, he's pathetic, isn't he? - Yeah.
00:33:46I'm gonna give us both twos back there.
00:33:48We weren't in any kind of emotional state to putt.
00:33:50- I think that's fair. - Yeah.
00:33:52Now, if Mike is gone, the NBA is gonna need some new people.
00:33:57There's room at the top.
00:33:58An exciting guy who could maybe even perform at half-time.
00:34:01You still tight with David Stern? A phone call from you...
00:34:04Look, I want to help, but I haven't played basketball in a long time.
00:34:05Look, I want to help, but I haven't played basketball in a long time.
00:34:08- My timing's all off. - Eh, we'll fix your timing.
00:34:11Look at our facilities.
00:34:13We've got hoops.
00:34:16ELMER: We got weights.
00:34:18We've got balls. Whoa!
00:34:21You sure do. This place is a mess.
00:34:23Mess? You're worried about a little mess?
00:34:26There's nothing here a little spit shine wouldn't fix.
00:34:29- Spit shine! - Spit shine!
00:34:50Lemony-fresh.
00:34:52You guys are nuts.
00:34:54Correction: We're Looney Tunes.
00:34:57And as such are the exclusive property and trademark of Warner Bros. Inc.
00:35:04[RUMBLING]
00:35:08[GROWLING]
00:35:11I'm here.
00:35:14Me too.
00:35:17That hurt.
00:35:18[GROWLING]
00:35:21Who are these guys?
00:35:22Well, uh, remember the tiny aliens I told you about?
00:35:27Oh.
00:35:28You heard of the Dream Team? Well, we're the Mean Team, wussy-man.
00:35:32- Wussy-man. - Wussy-man?
00:35:34We're the Monstars. M-O-N-- Um--
00:35:38Let's see what you got, chump.
00:35:41I don't play basketball anymore.
00:35:43"I don't play basketball anymore."
00:35:46[LAUGHING]
00:35:47Maybe you're chicken.
00:35:49[MIMICS CHICKEN]
00:35:50I say, I resemble that remark.
00:35:53You calling me chicken?
00:35:54Hey. Come here.
00:36:00Here you go. Take him.
00:36:03Watch the footwork. Can you believe it?
00:36:07Get out of the way.
00:36:10[YELLING]
00:36:13POUND: Hey, everybody. Look at your hero now.
00:36:17[MONSTARS LAUGHING]
00:36:21You guys are making a big mistake.
00:36:23You're all washed up, baldy.
00:36:27Baldy?
00:36:28He is not washed up.
00:36:30- Michael's the greatest ever. - Shut up.
00:36:32Ooh.
00:36:34[TWEETY WHIMPERING]
00:36:36TWEETY: My poor little cranium.
00:36:38- You okay? - Yeah, are you okay?
00:36:42Whoops.
00:36:43You're not scared of them, are you, Michael?
00:36:56- Let's play some basketball. TUNES: Yeah.
00:37:02PLAYER: Yeah, serve her! Come on! Rebound!
00:37:21You're... You're Charles Barkley.
00:37:25Girls. Come on over. Hurry up. Hurry.
00:37:28Look. It's Charles Barkley.
00:37:31Hey, can I play?
00:37:32[GIRLS CHATTERING]
00:37:58You're not Charles Barkley.
00:38:00Just a wannabe who looks like him.
00:38:03Sorry. Break out.
00:38:06You shouldn't even be here. Be gone.
00:38:09Wannabe. Be gone.
00:38:11DOCTOR: Just a few more tests, gentlemen.
00:38:13Electrolyte levels, glucose, CBCs, RBCs, etcetera.
00:38:18And we've scheduled a 12-lead stress test...
00:38:20...and neurological battery to include EEG, reflex tests...
00:38:25And this girl, 5-feet-nothing, blocked my shot.
00:38:30When did you first start having this dream?
00:38:33It wasn't a dream. It really happened.
00:38:36[BEEPING]
00:38:38And it climbed up my back and into my brain.
00:38:43Are there any other areas besides basketball...
00:38:47...where you find yourself unable to perform?
00:38:54- No. - Just asking.
00:38:59I've been MRl'd, EKG'd, x-rayed, laser beamed...
00:39:04I promise I'll never swear again.
00:39:06I'll never get another technical.
00:39:08I'll never trash-talk.
00:39:10I've got other skills.
00:39:11- I could go back and work on the farm. - Really?
00:39:14Or maybe I could go back to the jungle and be a missionary again.
00:39:17What are you saying? That I'm trying to disobey my mama?
00:39:20I didn't say that. You did, Muggsy.
00:39:22But I love my mama.
00:39:24Still can't find anything wrong with us.
00:39:26Hey, maybe nothing's wrong with us.
00:39:28That's right, Muggs. Maybe it's just in our head.
00:39:30We're fine. It's just some psychosomatic deal.
00:39:33Or something to do with the moon, or the alignment of the planet.
00:39:37I'll never go outwith Madonna again.
00:39:39[GRUNTING AND PANTING]
00:39:43What are you doing?
00:39:45- I'm, uh-- I'm fixing a divot. - Oh.
00:39:50He's fixing a divot!
00:40:06[BEEPS]
00:40:13[BEEPS]
00:40:22Has anyone here ever played basketball?
00:40:25Um, I have.
00:40:28I'd like to try out for the team.
00:40:31- Hey. - Hi. My name is Lola Bunny.
00:40:34- Lola? - Ha, ha. Yes.
00:40:37Hello. Eh, my name is Bugs.
00:40:41Ahem. You want to play a little one-on-one, doll?
00:40:441'00""? - Uh-huh.
00:40:45- On the court, Bugs. - Sure.
00:40:50Ooh. She's hot.
00:40:51[SIZZLES]
00:40:52There she goes.
00:40:54- Ready? - Yes.
00:40:58I got it. I got it.
00:41:03That girl's got some skills.
00:41:06Yes?
00:41:11Don't ever call me "doll."
00:41:15Check.
00:41:19Hey, nice playing with you.
00:41:21Very smooth.
00:41:23Ah, she's obviously nuts about me.
00:41:26Obviously.
00:41:27[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
00:41:28MICHAEL: Okay. Where's the ball?
00:41:31Let's do some drills.
00:41:33[TUNES CHATTERING]
00:41:38Can anyone lend me a pair of sneakers?
00:41:41Uh, sneakers?
00:41:47- Sorry. - Someone has to go to my house...
00:41:49-...and pick up my basketball gear. - To your house?
00:41:52- In 3-D land? MICHAEL: Yeah.
00:41:54Whatever you do...
00:41:56...don't forget my North Carolina shorts.
00:41:58Your shorts? From college?
00:42:01I wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game.
00:42:05Hey. I washed them after every game.
00:42:08- Yeah. - Sure.
00:42:09- I did. - Gross.
00:42:12DAFFY: The view back here stinks.
00:42:15BUGS: Whoa. DAFFY: What?
00:42:16BUGS: We're right in front of Michael's house.
00:42:19DAFFY: I knew that.
00:42:20BUGS: Shh. Okay, let's go in this way.
00:42:23DAFFY: I say, let's go in that way.
00:42:27BUGS: He just never learns.
00:42:31DAFFY: Now, let me see.
00:42:33I must be very, very close.
00:42:38[GROWLS]
00:42:40Mother.
00:42:41[DOG BARKING AND DAFFY YELLING]
00:42:43[BUGS HUMMING]
00:42:47Nice digs.
00:42:49[KNOCK ON DOOR]
00:42:51Well, well. I wonder who that could be.
00:42:57Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
00:43:00Shh. Everyone's sleeping.
00:43:03- I knew that. - Come on, come on.
00:43:05We gotta find Michael's basketball stuff.
00:43:09Nope. Nothing in here.
00:43:12Nope. Ah, but a very nice dinette set.
00:43:16Uh-uh. Not here.
00:43:19Let's look upstairs.
00:43:20Yes, oh, fearless leader.
00:43:23So he needs his special underwear.
00:43:27Oh. Shh.
00:43:29Sorry. You think she's got enough toys?
00:43:32BUGS: Speaking of toys, you know all those mugs and t-shirts and lunch boxes...
00:43:36-...with our pictures on them? - Yeah.
00:43:38BUGS: You, uh, ever see any money from all that stuff?
00:43:40DAFFY: Ha. Not a cent. BUGS: Hmm. Me neither.
00:43:43DAFFY: It's a crying shame.
00:43:45We gotta get new agents. We're getting screwed.
00:43:48BUGS: We have found the trophy room.
00:43:50Now spread out and search the place.
00:43:52Yes, sahib. Oh, brother.
00:43:55Here I am, in the peak of my form playing second banana...
00:43:58-...to some sort of a harebrain. - Yap, yap, yap. Hmm.
00:44:01This could be useful. Aha.
00:44:04If this were a union job, I--
00:44:07That's very nice.
00:44:09Oh, one of his shoes.
00:44:16Where is that other shoe?
00:44:19Where are you?
00:44:22Eureka!
00:44:25Come to Papa.
00:44:26[BUGS GRUNTING]
00:44:29- Oops. - What a fuzz-foot. You are so clumsy.
00:44:34- Catch, feather head. - Thanks.
00:44:40- Well, time to go. - Did we get everything?
00:44:45- The shorts. - The shorts.
00:44:47BUGS: In there?
00:44:49Okay, I'll check.
00:44:52[GROWLS]
00:44:55I found the shorts.
00:44:58[DAFFY YELLS]
00:45:02The pain.
00:45:04- I'm right behind you, pal. - Uh, that's none too reassuring.
00:45:08Nice puppy. How's about a bone?
00:45:11- No dice. - What about a nice holiday ham?
00:45:15- He ain't buying it. Can't we talk this over? - Down, Beethoven.
00:45:18Ooh. The kids are here.
00:45:23Give it to me, Charles.
00:45:28- Here you go, Bugs. - Thanks, kid.
00:45:31Shoo.Shoo.
00:45:32[WHIMPERS]
00:45:33Bad dog. That is the last time I'm ever working with dogs or children.
00:45:39'Bye-bye. - Hey, Where you going?
00:45:41Well, uh, you see, the Looney Tunes have a big basketball game coming up...
00:45:45-...and, uh, your dad's gonna play. - All right.
00:45:49Yeah. But don't tell anybody.
00:45:52[DOOR CLOSES]
00:45:54[PSYCHIC HUMMING]
00:46:08I see aliens.
00:46:10Little aliens from outer space.
00:46:14They forced their way inside your bodies.
00:46:17They need your talent to win a basketball game against...
00:46:22...Bugs Bunny. PATRICK [WHISPERS]: Bugs Bunny?
00:46:24I also see Michael Jordan being sucked down a golf hole...
00:46:31...by furry creatures.
00:46:32- That's it. We're out of here. - We're leaving now.
00:46:36- Let's try some acupuncture. - Good idea. Bye.
00:46:39STAN: This is it. This is it.
00:46:39STAN: This is it. This is it.
00:46:42I don't know where you are, Michael, but wherever you are...
00:46:45...you obviously enjoy being there more than spending time with me.
00:46:49You better hope this Jordan character still know how to play hoops.
00:46:52BUGS: You and me both, brother.
00:46:54DAFFY: Listen, how is this for a new team name:
00:46:58- The Ducks. BUGS: Please.
00:47:00What kind of Mickey Mouse organization would name their team the Ducks?
00:47:04DAFFY: So sue me. It's just a suggestion.
00:47:07[BUGS HUMMING]
00:47:12You're doing it.
00:47:13You're becoming mighty.
00:47:15- Go! PORKY: Come on, guys. No pain, no gain.
00:47:17I don't hear it. What is it?
00:47:20FOGHORN: Come on. - Come on.
00:47:23- Eh,guys? ALL: Yes?
00:47:26Look who's finally ready to play.
00:47:36Let's see if I remember how to do this.
00:47:45Nice.
00:48:06[CLAPPING]
00:48:07[CHUCKLES]
00:48:09Michael!
00:48:13Is it really you? Oh!
00:48:16Thank God you're all right. Oh! I was so worried.
00:48:22Come on, Stan. Don't hug me, please.
00:48:24- Sorry. - What are you doing here?
00:48:26I gotta take you back. You got baseball practice.
00:48:28I can't. I'm helping my friends in their basketball game.
00:48:36Michael, you know that your friends are cartoon characters?
00:48:40Yeah. So?
00:48:42Doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother me. Let me help. Let me help. I can help.
00:48:47- What can you do? - Well, you know, I mean...
00:48:49...I may not be very tall, but I'm slow.
00:48:53- And large. - And a dork.
00:48:55I'll do anything, Michael. Anything.
00:48:58- Anything? - Anything.
00:49:02Come here. Come here for a second.
00:49:05- Sit right here. - Okay.
00:49:07- Okay? - Okay. No problem.
00:49:09All right. All right, let's go, team.
00:49:11[CHUCKLES]
00:49:13If somebody gets injured, we could see a lot of minutes.
00:49:15I'm a cheerleader.
00:49:19[SIRENS WAILING]
00:49:35[CHATTERING]
00:49:36FOREMAN: Mr. Commissioner, we've got the place sealed off.
00:49:39Quiet! Ladies and gentlemen, please, quiet!
00:49:44Listen. After meeting with team owners, I have decided...
00:49:48...that until we can guarantee the health and safety of our NBA players...
00:49:53...there will be no more basketball this season.
00:49:56[SHOUTING]
00:50:01[HORNS HONKING]
00:50:07[CROWD CHEERING]
00:50:18Yes.
00:50:25[GROWLING]
00:50:35Just get out of my way.
00:50:44- Ready? ALL: Yes!
00:50:46Let's go.
00:50:54Are these the best seats?
00:50:55Like them. Yes.
00:50:57Can see everything from here. Very good.
00:51:02[SNORING]
00:51:08- Ready to go? - Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Riot.
00:51:12[CLEARS THROAT]
00:51:13[IN DEEP VOICE] Ladies and gentlemen...
00:51:17...the starting lineup for the Tune Squad.
00:51:21[CHEERING]
00:51:23Standing 2-foot-4, The Wonder From Down Under...
00:51:29...the Tazmanian Devil.
00:51:36At small forward, standing a scintillating 3-foot-2...
00:51:42...The Heartthrob of the Hoops, Lola Bunny.
00:51:50At power forward, The Quackster of the Courts, Daffy Duck.
00:51:56DAFFY: Thank you. Thank you.
00:51:58[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
00:52:00[MAN COUGHS]
00:52:01Very funny. Let's all laugh at the duck.
00:52:05And at point guard, standing 3-foot-3, 4 feet if you include the ears...
00:52:11...co-captain of the Tune Squad...
00:52:15...The Doctor of Delight, Bugs Bunny.
00:52:19Thank you. Thank you.
00:52:23And now, the player-coach of the Tune Squad...
00:52:28...at 6-foot-6, from North Carolina...
00:52:31...His Royal Airness, Michael Jordan.
00:52:41Who? Is he a Looney Tune?
00:52:44Uh-- Uh, well, perhaps.
00:52:49- You guys ready? - I'm set to take it to the rack, Jack.
00:52:52Those Monsters will wish they'd never been born.
00:52:55- Guys, let's just go out and have fun. ALL: Yeah!
00:52:58ANNOUNCER". The challengers for the Ultimate Game...
00:53:01...all the way from Moron Mountain:
00:53:05The Monstars.
00:53:14Go Monstars! Go Monsters! Go Monstars!
00:53:17[CROWD BOOING]
00:53:20[GROWLS]
00:53:25What are you looking at?
00:53:27[GROWLS]
00:53:33[BLANKO CHUCKLES]
00:53:34Cool shoes.
00:53:38Uh...
00:53:40Ready?
00:53:42[HORN BLARES]
00:53:47I got it, I got it, I got it. I got the ball. I got the ball.
00:53:50Yipe!
00:53:52Ooh.
00:53:58Way to go, boys. Did you see the moves on that one?
00:54:02BANG: Come on, show me something. Come on, show me something.
00:54:09- Whoops. - The duck.
00:54:11BUPKUS: Yeah, beat up on the duck.
00:54:18Oh, my.
00:54:20She was wide open.
00:54:23[WHISTLE BLOWS]
00:54:33NAWT: Watch it, coming your way. Watch out, watch out.
00:54:36BANG: Get him.
00:54:42HOW did he do that?
00:54:46- Nice shot, Mr. J. - Hey, hey, come on. Get back on defense.
00:54:50Way to go!
00:54:52Air J! Air J!
00:54:55[BELL RINGING]
00:54:56MONSTARS: Red light.
00:54:57- Feed me. Feed me. - Feed you? Feed me.
00:55:04- Bad old putty tat. POUND: I'll take that, thank you.
00:55:08Don't try this at home.
00:55:12[SINGING] I wish I was in the land of cott--
00:55:14You going somewhere?
00:55:16May I remind you, sir, that physical violence is patently against the rules.
00:55:21Yeow! Did you order Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?
00:55:26[HORN BLARES]
00:55:30- Let's go. - Me?
00:55:32- Oh, boy. I'm ready. I can do this. - The mouse? You picked the mouse?
00:55:35- I love basketball. I always have. Do you? - Uh-huh.
00:55:38- You're big. I bet you're good. - Right.
00:55:40I'm small, but I'll try hard to be good.
00:55:42- Okay. Yeah. - Really, I will. I always try hard.
00:55:45My morn says, "Try your best at everything you do--"
00:55:47CROWD: Oh!
00:55:50Try to get by me, doll.
00:55:52"Doll"?
00:55:59Don't ever call me "doll."
00:56:02- Nice shot. - Thanks, Bugs.
00:56:04Hmm?
00:56:05Where's the defense, boy? I got you right here.
00:56:09911.
00:56:11Piece of pie? Pork chop? Some sorbet, perhaps?
00:56:27[YELLS]
00:56:31Half-time.
00:56:32[HORN BLARES]
00:56:34Holy putty tat.
00:56:37BUPKUS: Yeah, man, we got it going on. One more half.
00:56:40POUND: Right, man. We got them.
00:56:42Moron Mountain, here we come.
00:56:44We're gonna be slaves.
00:56:46Come on, guys, keep your head up. Got a whole other half to play.
00:56:51[CHATTERING]
00:56:57[GRUNTING]
00:57:03It's the boss.
00:57:06ALL: Hello, Mr. Swackhammer.
00:57:09All right.
00:57:10Not bad for the first half, but we gotta keep this up.
00:57:14No problem. We stole--
00:57:15We stole talent from the best players in the NBA.
00:57:18From the NBA.
00:57:20[BLABBERING]
00:57:22Shut up.
00:57:23[SNIFFS]
00:57:24I smell something.
00:57:27[SNIFFS]
00:57:28Uh, we have been playing really hard.
00:57:30- Yeah. - Not you, you idiot.
00:57:35It's coming from over here.
00:57:37POUND: That locker.
00:57:41- Look. - Aah!
00:57:43-It's the chubby boy. - Ah.
00:57:47It smells like a spy.
00:57:50[CHUCKLING]
00:57:53You guys need a publicist? I can make you big. Ha, ha.
00:57:57- I know we're down. DAFFY: Yeah. Let's hear the story.
00:57:59But I've been in this situation many times before.
00:58:01We can still win this thing. It's not over with. We gotta come together.
00:58:05We gotta believe in ourselves. We can win this game.
00:58:07DAFFY: Yeah, right. That's gonna help us.
00:58:09[KNOCKING]
00:58:11[MOANING]
00:58:12Looks like Stan just had a close encounter with a bug-zapper.
00:58:16Monstars. The Monstars.
00:58:23DAFFY: Ooh. That's gotta hurt. - You all right, Stan?
00:58:26The Monst--
00:58:28The Monsters stole the talent from the NBA players.
00:58:33[ALL GASP]
00:58:34[ALL GROAN]
00:58:36So that's what happened to those guys.
00:58:38I think we should qui-- Forfeit.
00:58:42ALL: Yeah. - I didn't get dragged down here...
00:58:44...just to get my butt whipped by a bunch of ugly Monstars.
00:58:47I ain't going out like that. We're letting them push us around.
00:58:50[BUGS HUMMING]
00:58:52We gotta fight them back. We gotta take it to them. We gotta get right in their faces.
00:58:57What do you say?
00:58:59Are you with me or not?
00:59:01[SNORING]
00:59:07Finished? Great speech and all, doc. You had them riveted.
00:59:10- But, uh, didn't you forget something? - What?
00:59:14Your secret stuff.
00:59:16[GULPING]
00:59:23Wow.
00:59:25Whoa, nice deltoids.
00:59:27Play along.
00:59:30Uh, stop hogging it, Mike. We're your teammates.
00:59:33Secret stuff?
00:59:36DAFFY: Secret stuff? - You wouldn't hold out on us, would you?
00:59:40No, I mean, I didn't think you guys really needed it.
00:59:42I mean, you're so tough. You're competitive.
00:59:45We're also chicken, son. We need it bad. - Hey.
00:59:49- Uh, I'd like some of that. LOLA: Could I have a sip, please?
00:59:52You know, this goes against everything they taught me in health class.
00:59:56Do you want to win or not?
00:59:58Bottoms up.
01:00:01- Yummy. - All right.
01:00:03How about we go out and kick some alien butt, huh? Let's go.
01:00:06- How about it? Ready? TUNES: Yeah!
01:00:18[GROWLING]
01:00:31BUGS: Corning through.
01:00:35Bugs.
01:00:37Special delivery.
01:00:40[CROWD CHEERS]
01:00:43Boo!
01:00:51Eh, nice kaboom, Wile E.
01:01:09Let's teach them a lesson.
01:01:17Nice butt.
01:01:27PORKY: Going up. POUND: You're mine, fool.
01:01:31Sammy .
01:01:34Hello. A little surprise for you, my friends.
01:01:37[CHUCKLES]
01:01:43Two points.
01:01:54Ooh. This Will be good.
01:01:57[LAUGHING]
01:02:01[GROWLS]
01:02:04[YELLS]
01:02:09- Okay, birdie. - Uh-oh.
01:02:11[YELLS]
01:02:27MICHAEL: Yes! - Time out!
01:02:29[HORN BLARES]
01:02:31[WHISTLE BLOWS]
01:02:33Shut up, you little bug. Get away from me. Powwow.
01:02:36All right. We're right back in this game. Come on, now. Let's play tough defense.
01:02:40Why didn't you get this guy?
01:02:42POUND: He's a baseball player. - Yeah, boss, a baseball player.
01:02:45Looks like a basketball player to me.
01:02:48Yeah, me too.
01:02:50- He's the one I want for Moron Mountain. - Hey.
01:02:55Are you talking to me?
01:02:57Yeah, I'm talking to you. You want a piece of me? Come and get it.
01:03:01[CHUCKLES]
01:03:02BLANKO: Uh-oh.
01:03:05What did you have in mind?
01:03:07Hat about we raise the stakes a little bit?
01:03:10Hmm.
01:03:12Interesting.
01:03:13If we win, you give the NBA players their talent back.
01:03:17But what if we win?
01:03:20- If you win? - Uh-huh.
01:03:22You get me.
01:03:24Good deal, boss.
01:03:25Doc, you think that's a good ide--?
01:03:30SWACKHAMMER: You'll be our star attraction.
01:03:34You'll sign autographs all day long.
01:03:38And play one-on-one with the paying customers.
01:03:42RAUGHS]
01:03:44And you'll always lose.
01:03:48Do we have a deal?
01:03:54Deal.
01:03:56NAWT: All right.
01:03:57[CROWD MURMURING]
01:04:01I don't think you should have done that, doc.
01:04:04I have faith in my team.
01:04:08Crush them.
01:04:11POUND: Feeding time, boys.
01:04:17[BABBLES THEN YELLS]
01:04:20POUND: Goodbye.
01:04:23[MICHAEL GRUNTS]
01:04:29Fore.
01:04:30[YELLS]
01:04:35But, Mommy, I don't want to go to school today.
01:04:40I want to stay home and bake cookies with you.
01:04:46[POUND CHUCKLES]
01:04:47LOLA: I'm open, I'm open. - Lola, Lola, heads up.
01:04:50LOLA: Oh! POUND: Belly flop.
01:04:54[GAS PS]
01:04:55LOLA: Oh, my. Bugs!
01:04:57- Bugs! - Is this your man?
01:05:00[POUND CHUCKLES]
01:05:01Are you okay?
01:05:03Me? Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
01:05:05Are you okay?
01:05:07Oh, Bugs. Thank you.
01:05:10Aw, it was nothing.
01:05:12That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
01:05:21Time out.
01:05:22[WHISTLE BLOWS AND HORN BLARES]
01:05:24[GROANING]
01:05:25PLAYER: I could have been a contender.
01:05:28The Monstars. The Monstars.
01:05:30PLAYER: I could have had a... - Clear!
01:05:480K8)'-
01:05:51- We need a fifth player. - Hey, coach, listen.
01:05:54You got any more secret stuff? I think it's starting to wear off.
01:05:57It didn't wear off. It was just water.
01:06:00You guys had the special stuff inside of you all along.
01:06:03Yeah, yeah, I knew that. But listen, you got any more?
01:06:06LOLA: I'll take some. PORKY: Yeah, uh, can I have some too?
01:06:11- Stan? - Me?
01:06:14You're in at center.
01:06:16Just guard the big guy, okay?
01:06:17Guard him? Guard him? I'll smother him.
01:06:20I'll be all over him like a cheap suit. I'll be on him like stink on rice.
01:06:24I tell you, he's going down.
01:06:32Michael, over here. Over here. Over here, I'm open.
01:06:44Yes!
01:06:47Ha, ha. Nice sho--!
01:06:49BANG: Big man pancake.
01:06:53ALL: Ooh.
01:06:55[SIREN WAILING]
01:06:57Let's get him out of here.
01:07:19Eew.
01:07:22Oh, my.
01:07:27[CROWD CLAPPING]
01:07:31How'd he do that?
01:07:32Aw, anybody could do that, doc. Even you.
01:07:35Watch this.
01:07:38No sweat. This is Looney Tune Land.
01:07:44Ten seconds to go? Thanks for telling me, doc.
01:07:48I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Your Airness...
01:07:51...but if you don't find a fifth player, your team will forfeit the game.
01:07:56- Forfeit? - Precisely, Sir Altitude.
01:07:59No way. We'll find someone.
01:08:01[H U MS FAN FARE]
01:08:06Whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:08:07I didn't know Dan Aykroyd was in this picture.
01:08:10H9)'-
01:08:12Perhaps I could be of some assistance.
01:08:15That's our fifth guy.
01:08:17Thanks, Bill. Now you get to live your dream. Let's go.
01:08:20- All right. - All right.
01:08:22- We need to score two points-- - Here's how I see it.
01:08:25- Duck. - Yes.
01:08:26- Kick it to the girl bunny down in the post. LOLA: Yeah?
01:08:29- You dish it back to the guy bunny. - Got it.
01:08:31- You swing it to Mike. You go to the hole. - Bill.
01:08:34- And dominate. - We're on defense.
01:08:36- Oh, yeah. - Whoa. I don't play defense.
01:08:40- Typical. - Gonna have to listen to Mike on this.
01:08:42Okay. Somebody steal the ball, get it to me and I'll score before the time runs out.
01:08:47Don't lose that confidence. Okay.
01:08:50- Paws and wings in here. Okay. ALL: Yes!
01:08:54[CHEERING]
01:08:58This is why I was born.
01:09:00I thrive on pressure.
01:09:02- Excuse me, uh, sorry. - Yo, yo, easy on the trousers, Daf. Easy.
01:09:06Pardon me. Mr. Murray, something's really been bugging me.
01:09:10- Yeah? - Just how did you get here anyway?
01:09:14Producer's a friend of mine. Just had a teamster come and drop me off.
01:09:17Uh-huh.
01:09:19Well, that's how it goes.
01:09:21Hey, you see this, uh, kind of chunky fellow over here?
01:09:23[POUND CHUCKLES]
01:09:25Uh-huh.
01:09:27[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
01:09:29- Oh. Oh, that's good. Oh, yes. - Let's do it. You the duck.
01:09:32Now, let's all play fair. Here.
01:09:35Yo, spaceman. Don't choke now. Come on.
01:09:37It's gut-check time.
01:09:43BILL: This must be mine. Woo-hoo!
01:09:46This belongs to me. I'm going this way. I'm going left.
01:09:49Whoa! Don't ever trust an Earthling.
01:09:55LOLA: Mike!
01:09:57POUND: Get the rabbit. Get the girl.
01:10:00Come on, come on. I'm open.
01:10:02I'm op--!
01:10:04- That's mine. - Not today.
01:10:06BUPKUS: Hey. BLANKO: Bring it on, dude.
01:10:09BILL: Whoopsie-daisy.
01:10:12You're mine.
01:10:22Mike, I'm open!
01:10:26Never mind.
01:10:31[GROWLING]
01:10:52[HORN BLARES]
01:10:54[CHEERING]
01:10:55[YELLS]
01:10:58[LAUGHING]
01:11:02The Tunes win!
01:11:10That was a nice pass, man.
01:11:11That was a great stretch for the basket too.
01:11:13You know, you really got some skills. You might be able to play in the NBA.
01:11:18Thanks, Mike. I'll probably quote you on that.
01:11:21But I'm gonna take this opportunity to retire from the game.
01:11:24- No, come on. - No.
01:11:26No, I'm gonna retire right now. That's all there is to it.
01:11:28I'm gonna go out on top, undefeated and untied.
01:11:31That's the way it's gonna be.
01:11:32- You go celebrate with your team. - Come help us, man.
01:11:35I'd like to, but I have to ice down my knees right away, okay? They're starting to go.
01:11:40- All right. Goodbye, man. - All right, see you.
01:11:44- Are you sure? - Yes. Definitely sure. Definitely.
01:11:49- Losers. MONSTARS: Sorry.
01:11:51- Choke artists. - Sorry again.
01:11:52Wait till I get you back on Moron Mountain.
01:11:56[YELLS]
01:11:57All right. The party's over. Get in the spaceship.
01:12:00Why do you take it from this guy?
01:12:02Because he's bigger.
01:12:04He's bigger?
01:12:06Than we used to be.
01:12:10What are you doing?
01:12:12- Wait. What are you doing? Wait. POUND: Come here.
01:12:18[MONSTARS LAUGHING]
01:12:24[YELLS]
01:12:31Had it in you all the time, didn't you?
01:12:35One thing, though. Pass me the ball, Bugs.
01:12:38You gotta give my friends their talent back.
01:12:40Do we have to?
01:12:42Yeah, it's part of the deal. Touch the ball.
01:12:47Oh, okay.
01:12:49BLANKO: Fair is fair. - There you go. Touch it.
01:12:59That was so much fun.
01:13:01I feel so insignificant.
01:13:04My clothes don't fit.
01:13:06- What a trip. - Ha, ha. I'm up for another one.
01:13:08Can we ask you a favor, Mr. Bunny?
01:13:11We don't want to go back to Moron Mountain.
01:13:13- We hate it up there. - It stinks.
01:13:17Um, I was thinking, could we stay here with you?
01:13:20ALL: Please.
01:13:22Oh, brother.
01:13:23Eh, I don't know if you guys are looney enough.
01:13:26Looney enough?
01:13:27[HUMMING "LOONEY TUNES" THEME]
01:13:34Michael, do you know what time it is?
01:13:36Seven-TWP Seven-ffiv- Quarter past 7.
01:13:40Exactly. You've got a baseball game in five minutes.
01:13:43Okay. Take this.
01:13:46- Is it safe? - Yeah, put it in my bag.
01:13:48Okay. Let's go.
01:13:51I really enjoyed playing with you guys.
01:13:53You guys got a lot of, uh...
01:13:56- A lot of, uh... TUNES: Yes?
01:13:58Well, whatever it is, you got a lot of it.
01:14:00[CHATTERING AND CHUCKLING]
01:14:02All right. Gotta go.
01:14:05- Bugs. - Eh, Mike.
01:14:07- Stay out of trouble. - You know I will.
01:14:10Come here.
01:14:14Woo-had.!
01:14:16CROWD [CHANTING]: We want Michael! We want Michael!
01:14:19The delay is killing us. Where's Michael?
01:14:23Where is Michael?
01:14:25Oh, he's not back from his other game.
01:14:27- What other game? - Shh.
01:14:29Uh-uh. What other game?
01:15:05Ladies and gentlemen...
01:15:10...Michael Jordan.
01:15:12[CROWD CHEERING]
01:15:29Guys, we suck.
01:15:32Yeah, man. My grandmother plays better than I do.
01:15:35At least you guys are still tall. I'm nothing now. Just another short guy.
01:15:39- You got that right. - That's the only thing you got right.
01:15:46- Who's that? - Who's that?
01:15:47SHAWN: I don't know. - Been getting your butts kicked?
01:15:50MUGGSY: Who's that? -It's Mike.
01:15:51- What's up? - Why are you here?
01:15:53Don't be embarrassed. Just face it.
01:15:56You guys stink.
01:15:58- Come on, Mike. Lighten up. - I know, man.
01:16:01You want your games back, huh? What little games you had to begin with.
01:16:04-It's hard enough as it is, Mike. - Give us a break.
01:16:08I'm gonna regret this.
01:16:11Stan, give me the ball.
01:16:15ALL: Oh.
01:16:17Look at that.
01:16:19Looks like something from Star Trek.
01:16:22- Touch it. - No way, Jose.
01:16:25Pat, you want your talent back? You don't have any choice. Just touch it.
01:16:29- I don't know. - Don't touch it.
01:16:31You're gonna walk around with a bad game for the rest of your career.
01:16:34Touch the ball.
01:16:37Careful, Pat.
01:16:41We've tried everything else.
01:16:53Come on, Charles. Touch it.
01:16:56The rest of you guys. Just touch it.
01:17:05- What was that? - I liked that, Mike.
01:17:08Hey, I caught it.
01:17:10SHAWN: Look at Muggsy handle the rock. LARRY: Handle it, baby.
01:17:13- I can handle that rock again. LARRY: That's the old Muggs I know.
01:17:16PATRICK: Yeah, get height now.
01:17:19It gave me my powers back.
01:17:21That wasn't bad. Let me show you something.
01:17:25- The Round Mound is back. - Want to see something?
01:17:30PATRICK: Oh, man. That felt good.
01:17:35SHAWN: I got it. MUGGSY: You got it. Yeah, baby.
01:17:37Hey, Michael. Why don't you stay, play some three-on-three with us?
01:17:41No, I don't think so.
01:17:43You gonna work on that baseball swing?
01:17:45Leave the baseball player alone. He doesn't play basketball anymore.
01:17:50He probably doesn't even have it anymore, guys.
01:17:52Michael, do you hear them?
01:17:54They don't think you can play the game anymore.
01:18:00There's only one way to find out.
01:18:06ANNOUNCER: The Chicago Bulls welcome back...
01:18:10...Michael Jordan!
01:18:27What's the matter, Bill?
01:18:31Larry, that could have been me.
01:18:33Will you get off that kick? It's over. It's done with. You can't play.
01:18:410K8)'-
01:18:44Let's go, Bulls.
01:26:54Well, that's all, folks.
01:26:56That's my line.
01:26:59Step aside, babe. Let a star do this.
01:27:02That's all--
01:27:04That's all, folks.
01:27:07Can I go home now?

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