Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

00:01:05-Guess how fast we're going now. -I don't care, I'm having a baby!
00:01:09Hundred and five miles an hour, you believe that?
00:01:17Reese, you just passed the hospital!
00:01:21-The baby's coming, he's coming now! -All right, all right, hold on.
00:01:25-Okay, but I think he might be stuck. -Grab onto something. Ready?
00:01:28One, two, three!
00:01:36It's a baby boy.
00:01:41I'm happy that Waffle House was okay with me coming here...
00:01:44...to talk to y'all about my day-to-day.
00:01:47And, y'all, that's pretty much, in a shell...
00:01:49...what it's like to manage a Waffle House.
00:01:52Ma'am, I don't know what else you want me to say to them.
00:01:55And I'm also gonna need to know where your commode's at.
00:01:57Okay, let's give him a round of applause. Thank you.
00:02:01Okay, next up is Ricky Bobby. Ricky, is your father here?
00:02:04No, ma'am. I haven't seen my daddy in years.
00:02:08But my mama say he's out racing cars...
00:02:10...and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves.
00:02:14Okay, kids, that's enough. We're gonna move on to Brennan.
00:02:17Don't pay them no mind, Ricky.
00:02:19Thanks, Cal. Shake and Bake. You'll be my best friend forever.
00:02:23--his job is like as a prison guard.
00:02:25Excuse me, darling. I'm Reese Bobby.
00:02:28I'm here for career day with my son, Ricky.
00:02:30-Dad! -Hey there, boy!
00:02:33Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?
00:02:36-Ten years. -Ten years?
00:02:38Man, I gotta lay off the peyote.
00:02:41Mr. Bobby, there's no smoking in here.
00:02:42It's all right, I'm a volunteer fireman.
00:02:44Okay, I am a semi-professional racecar driver...
00:02:48...and an amateur tattoo artist.
00:02:53And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a racecar driver...
00:02:56...is you don't listen to losers...
00:02:58-...like your know-it-all teacher here. -Okay, I think that's enough.
00:03:01Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong...
00:03:05...because it's the fastest who gets paid and it's the fastest who gets laid.
00:03:11Oh, yeah. You know what I'm talking about.
00:03:14You people are in the wrong on this one!
00:03:17So in the wrong!
00:03:18This is egregious, do you hear me? Egregious!
00:03:25We were cellmates together, Andy. You got payback coming!
00:03:31Dad!
00:03:32Don't listen to these people, Ricky. You're a winner.
00:03:35You got the gift. Always remember, if you ain't first, you're last.
00:03:43lf you ain't first, you're last.
00:03:47-See you when you're grown up. -Dad! Come back, Dad!
00:04:03It's a hot one here in Talladega...
00:04:05...and this crowd of over 1 80,000 is enjoying one heck of a day.
00:04:23Yo, Terry. Terry, we got the caution. Bring it in for a pit. Let's work on it.
00:04:38All right, fellas, let's go.
00:04:41Looking good. Yes, come on.
00:04:44Keep it up, baby.
00:04:46-All right, way to go. -Go, way to go.
00:04:49Nice jack work, Ricky.
00:04:50Hey, Shake and Bake, Cal.
00:04:52-Shake and Bake! -Terry, it's all on you, bro. You go.
00:04:55Go, baby, go. Wait, what are you doing?
00:04:58-I gotta take a piss. -Go, go, go!
00:05:01lt doesn't matter, Lucius. We're in last place. Relax.
00:05:03Jeez, I gotta go take a whiz. Get off my ass.
00:05:06You see, this is what I'm talking about.
00:05:08That's why this group right here is the laughingstock of NASCAR.
00:05:12Face it, we suck.
00:05:14It's not always bad to be in last place. Here's some things we can focus on:
00:05:18One, we tried hard. And two, we're still dear friends.
00:05:21Glenn, shut up.
00:05:23I see Terry. He's having a chicken sandwich.
00:05:26Hey, fellas! These are really good. You should try one.
00:05:30That place actually makes a nice sauce.
00:05:33Let me eat this, then I gotta make a phone call...
00:05:35-...then I'm coming back, all right? -This is the bottom line.
00:05:38lf we don't get that car back on the track...
00:05:40...our sponsors are gonna shit a chicken.
00:05:43Now, is there anyone out there who wants to go fast? Anybody?
00:05:49I wanna go fast.
00:05:51Hey, get him a suit. Hurry up, make it snappy. Let's go.
00:05:55-Hustle up, hustle up. -Hey, man!
00:05:57Remember when we got kicked out of biology for playing with Matchbox cars?
00:06:01-Yeah! -Who's retarded now?
00:06:04-Yeah. -Hey, what are you doing after this?
00:06:07-After the race? -Yeah.
00:06:09I don't know, but it feels like we're wasting a lot of time.
00:06:12No, I know, I know. I'm just excited, man!
00:06:14-Yeah, I know. Yeah. -Hey! I love you!
00:06:18-What? -Nothing.
00:06:20Shake and Bake! Get some!
00:06:23You're my best friend! You're my best friend!
00:06:27-Okay, then! -I'm in there with you!
00:06:29-I gotta get going! -Go, go!
00:06:36-Yeah! -That's Ricky, baby!
00:06:38That's my boy, Ricky!
00:06:44Hey, Ricky, just remember one thing:
00:06:46lf you wreck that car, that's 200 grand out of your pocket...
00:06:49...so let's take it nice and slow, okay?
00:06:51With all due respect, Lucius, I'm gonna do some driving.
00:06:58Excuse me, coming through.
00:07:01Apparently, we've got a situation for the Laughing Clown, number 26 car.
00:07:05Terry Cheveaux is refusing to drive. One of his crew members...
00:07:08...has taken the wheel.
00:07:10Hey, just wanted to share a little piece of personaI information with you.
00:07:13I got a chubby right now...
00:07:15...because this is one of the most awesome experiences of my life...
00:07:18...because I'm getting to drive a racecar!
00:07:20I can't believe it! Oh, my God!
00:07:40Wow, that was cool.
00:07:43Come on, come on.
00:07:53The big story from Talladega:
00:07:54Little-known jack-man Ricky Bobby places third in the Dennit machine.
00:07:57Ricky, first of all, where did you learn to drive like that?
00:08:01ln a car. Car handle really good. Yeah.
00:08:05Can you speak up, Ricky?
00:08:07A car. lt handled reaI good.
00:08:09So, what do you think, Mr. Dennit? He sure can drive.
00:08:12He's got guts. Dennit Racing needs a racer like him.
00:08:15Come on, Dad. He's just a stupid cowboy.
00:08:17Look how bad he is in that interview.
00:08:19Junior, driving has got nothing to do with interviews.
00:08:23I just wish to hell you had a little more stupid cowboy in you.
00:08:26I felt like I was on a spaceship and....
00:08:31I'm not sure what to do with my hands.
00:08:33Be good to hold them down by your side.
00:08:35We're really happy with what was going on.
00:08:39And at the end of the day, you know, you gotta be happy.
00:08:44-What did you say his name was again? -His name is Ricky. Ricky Bobby.
00:08:48Ricky Bobby? He's got two first names.
00:08:51Whatever his name is, let's get him over here.
00:08:53Everything ended up fine.
00:08:56Yeah, okay, everything was fine. Thanks, thanks. Great job in the car.
00:09:00Ricky Bobby, a force to be reckoned with, possibly...
00:09:02...in the near future.
00:09:04Ricky Bobby with yet another impressive win.
00:09:06He is dominating NAS CAR.
00:09:08First or last, baby, you know it!
00:09:11I've never seen a driver who wants to win more than this guy.
00:09:14I could get used to this winning thing!
00:09:30Dennit Racing lncorporated has decided to field an additionaI car.
00:09:35And, at the urging of Ricky Bobby...
00:09:38...who's been like a son to me, only better...
00:09:43...I'm naming CaI Naughton Jr. as the driver.
00:09:48All right.
00:09:50-CaI Naughton. -Hey...
00:09:52...we just want to say to all you other drivers out there...
00:09:55...if you smell a delicious, crispy smell after the race...
00:09:58...it's not your tailpipe, it's a little bit...
00:10:01...of shake....
00:10:03And then bake.
00:10:06Shake and Bake!
00:10:07-That's our nickname. -Get used to hearing it.
00:10:10And Ricky Bobby wins...
00:10:12...with CaI Naughton Jr. finishing second.
00:10:15-Yeah! -Hey, man!
00:10:18-Shake.... -And bake!
00:10:22Hey, driver! Drive these.
00:10:28Please be 1 8.
00:10:40You want to make this out to Charlotte?
00:10:43Hey, excuse me, Ricky.
00:10:45-Hey, Dale. -Hey, can I get your autograph?
00:10:47-Sure. Who do I make this out to? -It's for me. I think you're awesome.
00:10:50-Don't tell the other drivers. -I'm not gonna tell anyone.
00:10:53I'll see you out there.
00:10:54Absolutely, ma'am, I'd love to sign your baby.
00:10:57You're not gonna wanna wash that forehead.
00:10:59-That's right, Powerade's number one. -Not just for hydration, for vitamin.
00:11:03No, it's me, it's me, Susan, your assistant.
00:11:06Gotta watch it when I get into autograph mode.
00:11:08I know, I'm sorry. It's my fault, I shouldn't have been standing.
00:11:11I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is right around the corner...
00:11:14...and what better gift to give a loved one...
00:11:16...than the Jackhawk 9000?
00:11:18Available at Wal-Mart.
00:11:19When you work on your mysterious lady-part stuff...
00:11:22...you should have the right tools too. So that's why you should use...
00:11:25...Maypax, the officiaI tampon of NASCAR.
00:11:29I'm Ricky Bobby.
00:11:30lf you don't chew Big Red, then f*** you.
00:11:38Prune candy.
00:11:42-You happy? -I'm very happy.
00:11:43-Hey, I'm Ricky Bobby. -And I'm CaI Naughton Jr.
00:11:46Urging you never to travel to Tijuana.
00:11:48Ricky! Ricky! Ricky!
00:11:50Okay, I'm starting to get sick.
00:11:53Dick Berggren in Las Vegas, Victory Lane, for Fox Television.
00:11:56Ricky Bobby, today's big winner. Heck of a win for you today...
00:11:59...but it seems as if you either win or crash the car trying to win.
00:12:04Well, Dick, here's the deal. I'm the best there is, plain and simple.
00:12:07I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
00:12:10And nobody can hang with my stuff.
00:12:12You know, I'm just a big, hairy, American winning machine.
00:12:15lf you ain't first, you're last. You know what I'm talking about?
00:12:18That phrase is trademarked...
00:12:20...not to be used without permission of Ricky Bobby lnc.
00:12:29Supper's ready! Come on, y'all! I've been slaving over this for hours!
00:12:35Dear Lord baby Jesus...
00:12:37...or as our brothers to the south call you, Jesus...
00:12:41...we thank you so much for this bountifuI harvest of Domino's, KFC...
00:12:47...and the always delicious Taco Bell.
00:12:50I just want to take time to say thank you for my family...
00:12:53...my two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons...
00:12:57...Walker and Texas Ranger...
00:12:59...or T.R., as we call him...
00:13:02...and of course, my red-hot smoking wife, Carley...
00:13:04...who is a stone-cold fox.
00:13:07Who if you were to rate her ass on 1 00, it would easily be a 94.
00:13:10Also wanna thank you for my best friend, CaI Naughton Jr...
00:13:14...who's got my back no matter what.
00:13:17Shake and Bake.
00:13:18Dear Lord baby Jesus, we also thank you for my wife's father, Chip.
00:13:21We hope that you can use your baby Jesus powers...
00:13:24...to heaI him and his horrible leg.
00:13:27And it smells terrible and the dogs are always bothering with it.
00:13:31Dear tiny infant Jesus, we--
00:13:32Hey, you know, sweetie...
00:13:35...Jesus did grow up.
00:13:37You don't always have to call him ''baby.''
00:13:39It's odd and off-putting to pray to a baby.
00:13:41Well, I like the Christmas Jesus best and I'm saying grace.
00:13:44When you say grace, say it to grownup Jesus, teenage Jesus...
00:13:47...bearded Jesus, whoever you want.
00:13:48You know what I want?
00:13:50I want you to do this grace good, so that God will let us win tomorrow.
00:13:55Dear tiny Jesus...
00:13:57...in your golden-fleece diapers, with your tiny, little, fat, balled-up fists...
00:14:02-...pawing at the air.... -He was a man. He had a beard.
00:14:04Look, I like the baby version the best, do you hear me?
00:14:07I win the races and I get the money.
00:14:09Ricky, finish the damn grace.
00:14:13I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt...
00:14:16...because it says, like, ''I wanna be formal...
00:14:19-Right. -...but I'm here to party too.''
00:14:20Because I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.
00:14:23I like to picture Jesus as a ninja fighting off eviI samurai.
00:14:27I like to think of Jesus, like, with giant eagle's wings.
00:14:31And singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd...
00:14:34...with, like, a angel band.
00:14:36And I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk.
00:14:39Hey, Cal? Why don't you just shut up?
00:14:41-Yes, ma'am. -Okay.
00:14:43Dear 8-pound, 6-ounce, newborn infant Jesus...
00:14:49...don't even know a word yet...
00:14:51...just a little infant and so cuddly, but still omnipotent...
00:14:55...we just thank you for all the races I've won and the 2 1 .2 million dollars--
00:15:02Love that money!
00:15:04--that I have accrued over this past season.
00:15:06Also, due to a binding endorsement contract...
00:15:09...that stipulates I mention Powerade at each grace...
00:15:11...I just wanna say that Powerade is delicious...
00:15:14...and it cools you off on a hot summer day.
00:15:16And we look forward to Powerade's release of Mystic Mountain Blueberry.
00:15:22Thank you for all your power and your grace, dear baby God. Amen.
00:15:26-Amen. -Amen.
00:15:27Let's dig in!
00:15:28That was a hell of a grace, man. You nailed that like a split hog!
00:15:32I'm not gonna lie to you, it felt good.
00:15:34Dad, you made that grace your bitch.
00:15:36Hey, boys, I wanna see some napkins in the lap.
00:15:38Boys, how was schooI today?
00:15:40I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge.
00:15:44Sounds like a good day. Texas Ranger, how about you?
00:15:46Well, the teacher asked me what was the capitaI of North Carolina.
00:15:50I said, ''Washington, D.C.''
00:15:52-Bingo. -Nice.
00:15:53She said, ''No, you're wrong.'' I said, ''You got a lumpy butt.''
00:15:57She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants.
00:16:01And I never did change my pee pants all day.
00:16:04I'm still sitting in my dirty pee pants.
00:16:06I wet my bed untiI I was 1 9. There's no shame in that.
00:16:10I get emotionaI because you guys are working so hard.
00:16:15I'm just so proud of you. You remind me of me...
00:16:17...precocious and full of wonderment.
00:16:19Tell you what, Ricky, you are truly blessed.
00:16:21-These two are two in a million. -I am.
00:16:24Just like Carley's tatas.
00:16:26You won't find another rack like that, I guarantee.
00:16:28Thank you, Cal.
00:16:30That's reaI sweet of you, Cal.
00:16:32That's reaI nice. That's one of the nicest things you've ever said.
00:16:35-Well, I mean it. -Stop, you're gonna make me cry.
00:16:38lt comes from my heart, that's why.
00:16:40I can't hold my tongue.
00:16:42These kids are my grandchildren, and you are raising them wrong.
00:16:45They are terrible boys.
00:16:47Shut up, Chip, or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!
00:16:50I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head.
00:16:52-Yeah! -Yeah. Turn up the heat.
00:16:55Go on and get some, boys.
00:16:56I'm 1 0 years old, but I'll beat your ass.
00:16:59Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey.
00:17:02Like a spider monkey! Go on.
00:17:03Chip, you brought this on.
00:17:05The greatest generation, my ass.
00:17:07Tom Brokaw is a punk.
00:17:09What is wrong with you?
00:17:10Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew.
00:17:13I love that.
00:17:18I sure as hell am, Chip. I love the way they're talking to you.
00:17:21They're winners. Winners get to do what they want.
00:17:24Hell, you're just a bag of bones.
00:17:26Only thing you ever done with your life is make a hot daughter.
00:17:29That's it. That is it!
00:17:31We wanted us some wussies...
00:17:32...we would've named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman, okay?
00:17:35I work too hard for your bull, Chip.
00:17:37Come here. You make me hot. Come here.
00:17:40Everyone just keep eating.
00:17:42-It's on. -Come here. Come here.
00:17:47All right.
00:17:49I'll hold your hair.
00:18:03-Hey, Stephen. -Hey, Ricky.
00:18:05Got those two tickets for my speciaI friend?
00:18:07Yeah, sure do. You know I do, Ricky. Got them right here, buddy.
00:18:11Great. Hey, how's your mama's hip?
00:18:13She's gonna be all right, thank you for asking.
00:18:16-Appreciate it. Hey, good luck today. -Thanks.
00:18:18That's the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life.
00:18:20That boy leaves two tickets for his daddy at every race...
00:18:23...and he never shows up.
00:18:25That's a shame.
00:18:27The human heart is such a mystery.
00:18:31-Let's sell these bitches, huh? -Hell, yeah.
00:18:33-Beer money, huh? -There you go. Yes.
00:18:38As the laps wind down, Jamie McMurray is the leader.
00:18:40CaI Naughton in second. Ricky Bobby in third.
00:18:43What's up, Cal? You ready for a little Shake-and-Bake-age?
00:18:46-Hey, buddy. -Naughton Jr. is letting Ricky Bobby...
00:18:49...draft up to him to make that slingshot move past McMurray.
00:18:53Can you believe that he would do that for his teammate?
00:18:56Set him up that way?
00:18:58Slingshot, engage.
00:19:03And there goes Ricky Bobby on the outside!
00:19:05That's how we do it.
00:19:06Makes his move. Naughton's giving him plenty of room.
00:19:09What in the hell is he doing, guys? Get him off of me.
00:19:12They touch! They spin!
00:19:14Snap!
00:19:18Come on, man!
00:19:23See you, wouldn't wanna be you.
00:19:36Look at that! Ricky Bobby's gonna try to win the race in reverse.
00:19:40Man, he wants this win bad!
00:19:43Ricky Bobby wins it in reverse!
00:19:45Unbelievable! I love that! That is cool!
00:19:47Jamie, losing's never fun, but here's something to pick your spirits up.
00:19:52It's reaI nice. I got it at Target. It's on sale.
00:20:01Yeah!
00:20:08-That's it. Another one. Another one. -All right, man. We did it!
00:20:12I don't wanna be raining on your parade, but I gotta tell you...
00:20:15...that was some of the dumbest driving I have ever seen in my life.
00:20:20-Thank you. -And I know you won the race...
00:20:22...but you're not gonna live forever.
00:20:23I'm not stupid, Lucius. No one lives forever. No one.
00:20:26But with advances in modern science and my high level of income...
00:20:31...I mean, it's not crazy to think I can't live to be 2 45, maybe 300.
00:20:34I just read in the newspaper they put a pig heart in some Russian guy.
00:20:38Know what--? I mean, do you know what that means?
00:20:41No, I don't know what that means. I guess, longer life.
00:20:43-Well, no, he didn't live. -He didn't live?
00:20:45No. It's just exciting that we're trying things like that.
00:20:48-Ricky? -Hey, Mr. Dennit.
00:20:51-Cheers. -Yeah.
00:20:53-She already wasted? -Celebrating.
00:20:56She's celebrating. You feel pretty good today, huh?
00:20:58Look, Ricky, early word out of NASCAR...
00:21:01...is your little obscene gesture's gonna cost you 1 00 points.
00:21:03You know how much that costs us in sponsorship dollars?
00:21:06With all due respect, Mr. Dennit...
00:21:08...I had no idea you had experimental surgery to have your balls removed.
00:21:13What did you say? What was that?
00:21:15Well, what? I said, ''With all due respect.''
00:21:17That doesn't mean you get to say whatever you wanna say to me.
00:21:20-lt sure as heck does. -No, it doesn't.
00:21:22It's in the Geneva Convention. Look it up.
00:21:24I remember your daddy used to love it.
00:21:26-This is not my dad-- This is my team-- -Used to love it when I used to win.
00:21:31Now, I suggest you and your wife, Mrs. Jim Beam...
00:21:34...you guys go take a chill pill. Enjoy the win!
00:21:36-Come on, man! -Yeah, Ricky. Okay.
00:21:38Baby, photo op, photo op. Come on.
00:21:40Come on, number one.
00:21:43Hold my hand, baby.
00:21:53I'll tell you what, though, guys, that was a hell of a race today.
00:21:56-Shake and Bake in full effect. -It's always been like that.
00:22:01Me and Ricky, since we were little kids, man.
00:22:03We go together like Chinese food and chocolate pudding. Let's face it.
00:22:06Yeah, but those are two things that don't really go together.
00:22:09We go together like cocaine and waffles.
00:22:12No, like, for instance, if I say peanut butter and....
00:22:15-Ladies, right? -Yep.
00:22:17-No, jelly. -Am I right?
00:22:19-Jelly? -You like to put jelly on a lady?
00:22:21I'm gonna settle this thing. Let's just get ourselves...
00:22:24...a whole mess of cocktails, get drunk and work this thing out.
00:22:28-Work this thing out. -That's right.
00:22:31So I was talking to Nana on Saturday, and her birthday's coming up...
00:22:35...but I don't know what to get her. She's gonna be 88.
00:22:37Get her a coffin.
00:22:45Hey, Cal, I'm sorry about wrecking you today.
00:22:49-I mean, but that was for the team. -No, that's cool. That's cool, I know.
00:22:53I was thinking, though, one time...
00:22:56...it would be really awesome if, like, you could slingshot me in for a win.
00:23:00Yeah, but-- Okay, but if you won...
00:23:03-...how am I gonna win? -Yeah.
00:23:06-Think about it. -No, I was thinking about it.
00:23:09I mean, it's not like you're finishing 1 8th.
00:23:11-There's nothing wrong with silver. -Nothing wrong with silver at all.
00:23:14I'm just kidding you, man. I don't wanna win.
00:23:18I'll just bury it down inside.
00:23:20Bury it deep down in there, and never bring it up again.
00:23:23It's painful, and I love you!
00:23:26Get her a gigolo.
00:23:28-What? -A guy to have sex with her.
00:23:31No, she's gonna be 88 and....
00:23:33You don't stop liking sex when you're old.
00:23:37Well, I was thinking more along the line of....
00:23:40-Like, she likes afghans and quilts. -She's probably got a million of those.
00:23:45How many dudes does she have coming over to have sex with her?
00:23:48-None. -Exactly.
00:23:51Be thoughtful, Glenn.
00:23:55Don't stop.
00:24:03What is that?
00:24:04Someone made a tape of something dying or something.
00:24:07Hey, turn that crap off. What's going on?
00:24:09I want this music out of my head.
00:24:11Hey, turn that off!
00:24:13Turn that off right now!
00:24:21Why did you stop the jazz music?
00:24:25Was it not pleasant for you?
00:24:28No one plays jazz here at The Pit Stop, okay?
00:24:31So why is the song on the jukebox?
00:24:33We keep it on there for profiling purposes.
00:24:37We also got the Pet Shop Boys and Seal.
00:24:41My name is Jean Girard...
00:24:44...and I am a racing-car driver just like you...
00:24:48...except I am from Formula Un.
00:24:52I am the greatest one in the whole world.
00:24:55I have been following your career with great interest, Monsieur Bobby.
00:25:01I can't understand a word you've said the whole time.
00:25:04Did you eat peanut butter or something?
00:25:06You sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth.
00:25:09I think what you are hearing is my accent.
00:25:13I am French.
00:25:15You say you're French?
00:25:18We? No, we are not French.
00:25:21We're American, because you're in America, okay?
00:25:24Greatest country on the planet.
00:25:26Well, what have you given the world...
00:25:28...apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the ThighMaster?
00:25:32-Chinese food? -Chinese food.
00:25:35That's from China.
00:25:36-Pizza. -ltaly.
00:25:38-Chimichanga. -Mexican.
00:25:41Really, smarty-pants? What did French land give us?
00:25:44We invented democracy, existentialism...
00:25:48...and the blowjob.
00:25:50-Those are three pretty good things. -Hey.
00:25:53Well, that last one's pretty cool.
00:25:55You know, the 69 with the head near the-- That bit.
00:25:59We came up with it.
00:26:01We created the missionary position.
00:26:03-You're welcome. -Ricky Bobby...
00:26:07...I have come here to defeat you.
00:26:10Oh, well, there's strikes two and three right there.
00:26:14Did you hear what he just said?
00:26:17Well, welcome to America, amigo.
00:26:24You are fast, Ricky Bobby...
00:26:28...but I am faster.
00:26:30All right, you let go of me, you Formula One jazz nutjob!
00:26:34Like the frightened baby chipmunk...
00:26:36...you are scared by anything that is different.
00:26:39I will let you go, Ricky...
00:26:42...but first I want you to say:
00:26:48''I love crepes.''
00:26:52Don't you say it, Ricky. These colors don't run.
00:26:55-I'm not gonna say it. -Good.
00:26:57Hey, look, Frenchy, I thought about it.
00:26:59So why don't you go ahead and break my arm?
00:27:02I do not want to break your arm, Monsieur Bobby...
00:27:05...but I am a man of my word.
00:27:07Here's the deal. He's not gonna break it...
00:27:09...because I'm gonna slip out of it right now. Houdini.
00:27:11Get down, you little pancake.
00:27:13Someone get me a beer while I'm here.
00:27:15But you have forced me to do this.
00:27:17You are now mocking me and making me look ridiculous.
00:27:20Just say, ''I love crepes.''
00:27:22You know, just to put this in there, I had a whole mess of crepes this morning.
00:27:26They're like pancakes, maybe even better.
00:27:28-Are they the really thin pancakes? -Yeah.
00:27:31They are the really thin pancakes. It's just a French word for them.
00:27:34-My God, I love those. -Put any syrups you want on them.
00:27:37-I'm saying, think about it. -They come with cheese sometimes?
00:27:40Yes, of course, a fromage-crepe.
00:27:42Well, why didn't someone yell that right away?
00:27:44You know what's in the crepe suzette?
00:27:46-Oh, I love the crepe suzette. -With the sugar...
00:27:48-...and lemon juice, Grand Marnier. -Sugar and lemon juice.
00:27:51I wish I could crawI into one of those right now.
00:27:54-I'd eat my way out from the inside. -They are tasty.
00:27:57Either way this goes, could we get some after we're done?
00:28:00-Absolutely. We're gonna do that. -So, what if you just said:
00:28:03''I love really thin pancakes''? That is a fair compromise, no?
00:28:07-That is a fair compromise. -Very fair, actually.
00:28:10No! Because then everyone would know I really meant crepes.
00:28:13That's a pretty good compromise.
00:28:14Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?
00:28:18You don't understand because you don't understand liberty.
00:28:21You don't understand freedom.
00:28:23So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell.
00:28:27Hey. This is just between you and me, okay?
00:28:30I mean, forget all these other guys.
00:28:32But he did give you a pretty decent out. But it's your call.
00:28:35What do you think?
00:28:38-Don't say it. -Yeah. I'm not gonna say it.
00:28:40Break it, Pepe Le Pew.
00:28:42As you wish.
00:28:46-He actually did it! -All right. You did it. Back off.
00:28:50-I didn't say it! -No, you did not.
00:28:52Your injury is one of ignorance and pride.
00:28:58Hold it right there, Mr. Fancy Pants Foreigner.
00:29:01You just broke my bro's arm.
00:29:03Now you're about to get Tasered.
00:29:06-Say hello to Dr. Watts. -Get him, Cal.
00:29:10I need you all to step away...
00:29:13...from my driver.
00:29:14The hell you talking about, ''my driver''? What are you doing with a gun?
00:29:17Don't you worry about my gun, Ricky.
00:29:20Jean Girard is my new boy at Dennit Racing. He's here to win us...
00:29:23...an overall-points championship, something you apparently...
00:29:26...have no interest in. He's gonna usher in a new era.
00:29:29Mr. Dennit, with all due respect--
00:29:31And remember, I'm saying, ''with all due respect.''
00:29:33--that idea ain't worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin getting it on.
00:29:38That's good. That's good fun. That's good fun, Ricky...
00:29:41...but that doesn't bother me anymore because Jean is the future...
00:29:44...Ricky, the past.
00:29:46So, Jean, introduce me to your new teammates.
00:29:49Everybody, this is my husband, Gregory.
00:29:53What?
00:29:56See you at the track.
00:29:58Did he just say ''husband''?
00:30:00Sweet Lord. Dennit hired a gay Frenchman as your teammate.
00:30:04The room's starting to spin reaI fast.
00:30:08Because of gayness.
00:30:12-Cal, I love you. -Ricky? Ricky! Oh, God!
00:30:24Fans and NASCAR, everyone is talking about this new driver, Jean Girard.
00:30:29Let's find out a little bit more about him from our reporter, Davey Wesling.
00:30:33Talented. Eccentric. Dominating.
00:30:37These are the words that define Jean Girard.
00:30:41Before each race, Jean Girard spends time with his world-class horses...
00:30:46...who are also gay.
00:30:48Jean's days are filled with sun-drenched walks...
00:30:51...with his beloved husband, Gregory.
00:30:54Though Gregory is no stay-at-home spouse.
00:30:57He's a world-class trainer of German shepherds.
00:31:00Rolfe, the Nazi boyfriend. Up on top!
00:31:04Very nice. Very nice.
00:31:07Only time will tell if Jean's foray into NAS CAR...
00:31:11...will end up in Victory Lane.
00:31:34Well, kiss my ass on Sunday.
00:31:37-Lucius, what the hell is going on? -The man can drive.
00:31:39And check out his crew chief over there.
00:31:42Won the Nobel Prize for physics back in '93.
00:31:44Ladies and gentlemen, that is a new track record.
00:31:47As it stands now, Jean Girard is sitting on the pole, which is, of course...
00:31:51...a statement of fact and in no way a comment...
00:31:53...on the driver's sexuaI orientation.
00:31:55Put a smile on your face? That's the future of Dennit Racing.
00:31:58-That make you happy? -I'm just thrilled, Mr. Dennit.
00:32:01I love seeing some French guy break my record...
00:32:03...while I got my arm wrapped up like a fricking gordita.
00:32:06Hello, Ricky Bobby.
00:32:08What happened last week was very regrettable and unfortunate...
00:32:14...and, as a gesture, I would like to...
00:32:17...sign your cast, please.
00:32:19Hell, you know what, get my car off the trailer, guys.
00:32:22Baby! That's my baby!
00:32:24Hold on, Ricky. Ricky, Ricky, Rick. What are you talking about?
00:32:27Look. I wanna drive. My arm's fine. So let's get the car off the trailer.
00:32:31Don't look at me. Get it off the trailer!
00:32:33Even with a healthy arm, you don't have a chance against Jean Girard.
00:32:37All right, fellas. You heard the man. Get the car off. Let's go.
00:32:40You guys heard it.
00:32:43-What's going on? -Soon you will know what it is like...
00:32:46...to be defeated by the hands of somebody who is truly better than you.
00:32:52As William Blake wrote, ''The cut worm forgives the plow.''
00:32:56Well, let me just quote the late, great Colonel Sanders...
00:32:59...who said, ''I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.''
00:33:03What's that got to do with this?
00:33:05I got a message for all of them. Ready? Shake and Bake!
00:33:09What does that do? Does that blow your mind? That just happened!
00:33:13What is that, a catch phrase or is that epilepsy?
00:33:16-Shake and Bake. Shake and Bake. -What?
00:33:19Listen, you better be carefuI because tomorrow you're going to get beaten.
00:33:24Beaten reaI bad, cowboy.
00:33:26-Really? -Yes!
00:33:28-I don't want to know. -That's news to me.
00:33:30-Tomorrow you'll be in trouble. -I'll rip you a new one.
00:33:34There's going to be a croissant I'm going to take away.
00:33:37I play for keeps!
00:33:39I give you one option, Monsieur Bobby.
00:33:42As a sign of humility, if you kiss me on the lips now...
00:33:45...I will return to Paris and you will never see me again in NASCAR.
00:33:49The answer is never!
00:33:50-I close my-- -Do you hear me? Never ever!
00:33:53-Well, yes or no? -That's sick.
00:33:59Let me tell you, hold on. Shake and Bake.
00:34:02Yeah!
00:34:03What does that mean? lt makes no sense!
00:34:05This ''Shake and Bake,'' it's nonsense.
00:34:07-Hey, baby. You guys are so smooth. -Thanks, darling.
00:34:11Cal, you could say that 1 0,000 times and it still wouldn't be enough.
00:34:14-lt fires me up. -I love it. Say it one more time.
00:34:16-Shake and Bake! -Doesn't that feel good?
00:34:19Yeah! lt rhymes, they're both verbs. It's awesome.
00:34:46NAS CAR on Fox welcomes you to Lowe's Motor Speedway...
00:34:48...where tonight we'll go 500 miles.
00:34:52The big stories tonight are at both ends of the grid.
00:34:56Up front, Larry, the surprising French Formula One driver, Jean Girard.
00:35:01And at the opposite end of the grid, Darrell, Ricky Bobby.
00:35:05I saw Ricky Bobby last night walking around with a cast on his arm.
00:35:08Now, I don't know who he conned into letting him start this race.
00:35:11Just keep a camera on him all night long.
00:35:14I am so excited.
00:35:16This is a new era for Dennit Racing, huh?
00:35:19So serious all the time about your big race team.
00:35:24-Who cares? -But this is my life. This is my life.
00:35:28You know what? There's only one good thing about coming to the races...
00:35:31...and that is the vibrations from the cars.
00:35:35Oh, I love when them cars whiz by.
00:35:41Can feel the motor...
00:35:43...running up my legs.
00:35:48Ricky Bobby, who never met a sponsor he wouldn't push...
00:35:51...has a Fig Newton sticker on his windshield.
00:35:53Think NAS CAR will black-flag him for that.
00:35:55He sold the windshield!
00:35:56This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I love Fig Newtons.
00:36:02Ricky Bobby started this race in the back...
00:36:04...but he's making no friends on the way to the front.
00:36:06I'm all about getting to the front tonight, Lucius. Let's go! Let's move it!
00:36:10Well, he's driving like a man possessed.
00:36:12I'm not even sure he realizes how much damage he's doing to his car.
00:36:19Hey, Ricky. You know you're driving like a pissed-off teenager, okay?
00:36:24Where is that Frenchy?
00:36:30I got you, Pepe Le Bitch.
00:36:33Oh, Ricky Bobby.
00:36:37Hey, it's me, America.
00:36:43Yeah, I'm here.
00:36:45You have spilled my macchiato.
00:36:49Look at Girard in the 55.
00:36:50He's made that car three lanes wide, but he's still fast.
00:36:54No, no, no, my friend. This way also closed. Not this way.
00:37:00Lucius, what's he doing? He's everywhere at once.
00:37:02Guy's dangerous, Ricky. He's like a cobra. Back off!
00:37:05Where's Cal? I need a little support here!
00:37:09Tell Ricky I'm on my way.
00:37:16Damn it!
00:37:18Hey, Ricky, listen.
00:37:20CaI blew out his engine. You have no backup. Back off!
00:37:26I ain't backing off. I'm Ricky Bobby, I'm the best there is.
00:37:29He's too good, Ricky. Lay off!
00:37:33Bobby's boxed in. There's nowhere to go there.
00:37:37He's gonna try the outside move again. I don't know if it's gonna work.
00:37:41Come on, Daddy!
00:37:43Come on, Daddy! Whoop his butt!
00:37:45Send that weird man back to lndonesia.
00:37:51-Come on! -Bobby moves to the outside.
00:37:53Not a lot of room. He's in the wall!
00:37:55Bobby is sliding, slamming into the wall.
00:38:03He's airborne!
00:38:07Yep. I'm flying through the air. This is not good.
00:38:10-Ricky! -Cool!
00:38:22Ricky!
00:38:30Peaches and cream!
00:38:35The car comes to rest in a big cloud of smoke.
00:38:38Ricky Bobby appears to be okay...
00:38:40...but that Wonder Bread car is toast.
00:38:43Fantastic.
00:38:45Oh, my God! Ricky!
00:38:48Hakuna matata, bitches.
00:38:57It's okay, guys, it's just a wreck. Ricky can handle it.
00:39:00Now, that's one of the nastiest wrecks you'll ever see.
00:39:04Oh, no, no, no.
00:39:06It's all right. You're safe.
00:39:08-You're safe. -We got you. We're here.
00:39:11I'm on fire.
00:39:12It's all right. It's all right, you're not on fire!
00:39:15-You're lying! I'm on fire! -There is no fire.
00:39:19-I'm on fire. I don't wanna die. -Come back here.
00:39:21But something looks wrong. I mean, he's running around like he's on fire.
00:39:25Oh, my God! Help me! I don't wanna die! Stop, drop, and roll!
00:39:29-You're not on fire, Ricky Bobby! -I'm on fire!
00:39:33You're not on fire.
00:39:35But I'm not even sure he even knows where he's at right now.
00:39:38This makes us all realize the kind of pressure these drivers are under.
00:39:43Mr. Bobby, come on down here.
00:39:45Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God!
00:39:48Help me, Allah!
00:39:51Help me, Tom Cruise!
00:39:53But how did he get down to his underwear that fast?
00:39:56Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!
00:39:59Look. Here, help's coming.
00:40:01-Wait a minute! -It's CaI Naughton.
00:40:03Oh, God! Please don't let the invisible fire burn my friend!
00:40:08I got you! I got you, man! I'll help you!
00:40:12He's jumping on Ricky, trying to put the nonexistent fire out.
00:40:15Now, that's a teammate right there.
00:40:17This is going downhill fast.
00:40:19lt would be a great time to go to commerciaI break.
00:40:23Help me, Oprah Winfrey!
00:40:26You know, Larry, there's good days in racing, and there's bad days.
00:40:30Ricky Bobby just had himself a bad day.
00:40:42He's suffering from catatonic shock.
00:40:44His injuries are minor, but right now he can't deaI with the trauma of the wreck.
00:40:47Golly, this is a hard decision.
00:40:51But I have thought about it, and I want the plug pulled.
00:40:56Yeah.
00:40:57Ma'am, your husband's not dying.
00:41:00He's just taking a nap.
00:41:03-Just look at him. -No, I'm not lying.
00:41:05I've never seen him make that noise. Ever.
00:41:08Got more plugs in him than a Circuit City.
00:41:11Oh, baby. Mama loves you so much.
00:41:16Hey, Ricky. It's me, Cal.
00:41:20Just want you to know, I got your back, bro. No matter what.
00:41:25There's something I want to get off my chest...
00:41:28...and it's about that summer when you went away to community college.
00:41:32I got a offer to do PlaygirI magazine...
00:41:36...and I did it.
00:41:38I did a full spread for PlaygirI magazine.
00:41:42I mean spread, man. I pulled my butt apart and stuff...
00:41:47...and I was totally nude, and it was weird.
00:41:51You probably didn't hear about it...
00:41:53...because I went under the name of Mike Honcho.
00:41:55But I just wanted you to know that.
00:41:57lf you could hear me, if it got into your brain somehow...
00:42:01...that I spread my butt cheeks as Mike Honcho.
00:42:03''Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.
00:42:06Gretchen, my friend, got her period. I'm so jealous, God.
00:42:11I hate myself for being so jealous, but I am.
00:42:14I wish you'd help me just a little.
00:42:16Nancy's sure she's going to get it soon too. And if I'm last....''
00:42:21Hey, Ricky. Ricky!
00:42:24Come on, man, wake up.
00:42:26Are you faking it?
00:42:31Are you faking it? Fake it!
00:42:39I don't know how much longer I can take seeing you like this.
00:42:43I am not gonna let you die here...
00:42:48...like some kind of vegetable.
00:42:50I'm gonna put an end to this right now.
00:42:52Get all this crap off you.
00:42:54You don't need any of this crap.
00:42:59This is it. This is how it ends.
00:43:02This is how Shake and Bake ends.
00:43:04It's shadow time, buddy.
00:43:09It's time to go home to Jesus.
00:43:12Goodbye, buddy.
00:43:18Oh, wow, you definitely--
00:43:20You definitely still got some fight in you.
00:43:25Okay, maybe we give this another day.
00:43:28Middle. I'll go up to the middle. Let's play some defense!
00:43:33I just wanna say thanks, doc, for taking care of our boy here.
00:43:36-Oh, shit. -That's a foul! That's a foul!
00:43:39Doc, give it to me straight.
00:43:41ls he ever gonna be able to walk again?
00:43:43Oh, I'm sorry, I thought someone had told you. He's fine.
00:43:46He found that wheelchair in the hallway.
00:43:48His paralysis is entirely psychosomatic.
00:43:51But we all need to go along with this, because he's in a delicate state.
00:43:55So when you say psychosomatic, you mean, like...
00:43:59...he could start a fire with his thoughts?
00:44:02No, not at all. lt means it's all in his mind.
00:44:04I'm saying, sometimes you get a knock on the head, you get speciaI powers.
00:44:08lt happens all the time. Read a comic book, okay?
00:44:10Everyone's reaI friendly.
00:44:12lt doesn't hurt being Ricky Bobby. I'm not gonna lie to you.
00:44:15So how's the physicaI therapy going?
00:44:17Oh, I gave that up. Yeah, I gave that up...
00:44:20...after maybe the first day. Within the first hour, I gave that up.
00:44:23I'm through lying to myself, you know?
00:44:26It's time to be mature about this and just face facts.
00:44:29I bought myself a hundred-thousand-dollar...
00:44:32...handicap-accessible van...
00:44:33...with the captain's chairs and the DVD plasma screens in the back for the kids.
00:44:37-You all paid up on that? -Yeah. That's all paid in full.
00:44:40It's parked out there. And then the next thing I gotta do...
00:44:43...is I just gotta have a sit-down with Carley and just let her know...
00:44:49...that it's okay for her to seek the comfort of other men.
00:44:54Because she's gotta run wild. You can't keep something like that back.
00:44:58Hold on, man. Hold....
00:45:00-We gotta tell him. -Now?
00:45:02No, I don't care what the doctor said, we gotta tell him now.
00:45:05Ricky, the doctor told us...
00:45:07...that we should let you work it out in your own sweet time...
00:45:09...but, Ricky, you can walk.
00:45:11What did you just say?
00:45:13He's telling you the truth, man. It's all in your head.
00:45:19You sick sons of bitches!
00:45:22I mean, you walk in that door...
00:45:24...on your two legs, all fat and cocky...
00:45:28...and looking at me in my chair, and you tell me it's all in my head?
00:45:32I hope that both of you have sons.
00:45:35Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons who are talented and star athletes...
00:45:40...and they have their legs taken away!
00:45:42I pray you know that pain and that hurt.
00:45:44Don't you put that eviI on me, Ricky Bobby!
00:45:46Don't you put that on us! You are not paralyzed!
00:45:51I am so paralyzed!
00:45:53-No, no, no! No, he needs to know! -Getting a little rough on him.
00:45:56-He's always crying! -Tough love, it is. Tough love.
00:45:59- Wake up, idiot! -You wanna know what I am?!
00:46:02You wanna see what my life is?!
00:46:05Don't do it.
00:46:06-You wanna see what's going on here? -Don't you stick that knife in your leg.
00:46:19-Man! -Hold on, hold on.
00:46:22-Hold on, now. Walk it off. -Oh, that hurts.
00:46:25-Oh, my--! -Walk it off.
00:46:26Stretch, stretch. Stretch it out.
00:46:28Hey, man. You can walk! You can walk!
00:46:31I can walk!
00:46:33-I think I touched a nerve. -Right there.
00:46:36All right, we got it, we got it. Hold it right there.
00:46:39Maybe don't touch it.
00:46:40-Can you feel it? -I can!
00:46:43We'll use this knife to pry it out. We'll pull it out.
00:46:45-Now we got two in there. -Just don't think about it.
00:46:48-We're going down a bad path. -Cut around the meat.
00:46:50I'll cut right here. Stretch it out.
00:46:52Just take out a plug of meat. Just like a deer.
00:46:55We gotta wiggle it a little bit. That's it. Can you feel that?
00:46:58-Yeah, I feel that. -You are back!
00:47:00I love you guys!
00:47:02Hey, I'm sorry, guys. I mean, I hope your boys don't lose their legs.
00:47:06-Thanks, buddy. -So when do I get to drive again?
00:47:09Well, that's the thing. The doctor said you suffered major trauma...
00:47:12...and he thinks you should take it slow for a while.
00:47:15Yeah, so, I was thinking, like, while you're resting up and stuff...
00:47:19-...maybe you could let me win a few. -Well, there you go.
00:47:22Yeah, that ain't gonna happen.
00:47:24Yeah. I'm Ricky Bobby. I mean, you know how I play it.
00:47:27-Yeah. -First or last, right, baby?
00:47:30-Don't know what I was thinking. -Besides...
00:47:32...Dennit Jr. must be freaking out. All the money he's losing?
00:47:35Without me on the track?
00:47:37I mean, I just laugh...
00:47:39...thinking about him whining all the time, bitching and moaning:
00:47:42''Damn, I wish Ricky was here.''
00:47:44You know what I mean?
00:47:49What?
00:47:52Frenchy can drive.
00:47:58Oh, no.
00:48:27Very good.
00:48:29C'est la vie and que sera, sera.
00:48:31lt looks like the NASCAR has gone French.
00:48:35Well, in other news, Ricky Bobby...
00:48:36...is going to be running some test laps this weekend at Rockingham...
00:48:40...in an attempt to come back from his grisly crash.
00:48:44It's one of the hardest things to do in racing.
00:48:46To try to bounce back after a devastating, violent wreck.
00:48:49Ricky Bobby was traumatized during the incident.
00:48:51All right, baby. Come on, now.
00:48:53But today he gets to strap back into a racecar for the first time since...
00:48:56...to try to show he can still get the job done.
00:48:59-He's gonna be great. Yep. -He's gonna be great, sure.
00:49:02Would you stop staring at me like that, Susan? I swear...
00:49:05...you are the weirdest little girl I've ever seen.
00:49:08Okay, I'm really gonna open it up!
00:49:14I missed you, Mama Speed. Ricky Bobby's back.
00:49:17Wait, how fast is he going?
00:49:19Twenty-six miles an hour.
00:49:23What were those things? Were those the other cars?
00:49:32Oh, God. So fast.
00:49:34Go, baby! There you are.
00:49:36Am I on fire? I'm on fire.
00:49:38-No, no, you're not on fire. -Stretch it out.
00:49:40-It's okay, baby. -Take it easy.
00:49:44-Oh, God, I'm gonna get sick. -Oh, God.
00:49:47-Oh, he's in his underwear again. -Ricky! Please put your clothes on.
00:49:51He's in his underwear again. Go get him, fellas.
00:49:53Oh, Lord.
00:49:54You know who's gonna be number one at Dennit Racing?
00:49:58-Not Ricky? -I'm gonna windmill you.
00:50:01Mr. CaI Naughton Jr.
00:50:04-Come back at him. It's the only way. -Who are you?
00:50:07-Number one. -No.
00:50:09-Oh, yes, ma'am. -Ricky! Come on, man!
00:50:12It's embarrassing.
00:50:14The ninjas are trying to get me. The ninjas are trying to get me.
00:50:18-Oh, my God. -What happened?
00:50:20What happened? He's done. He's done.
00:50:23That's what's happened. It's over. He's finished.
00:50:25What's gonna happen to me?
00:50:27I feel like I was riding inside an asteroid or a comet or something.
00:50:30Yeah, you were going fast.
00:50:32-Look at that. -What are we gonna do?
00:50:35This is ugly. This is bad for all of us. Look at that.
00:50:38-I gotta go check on cuckoo bird. -No, cuckoo's okay.
00:50:41Why don't you get over there and settle down Carley for me?
00:50:44-Could you do that for me? -Yes, sir.
00:50:46There you go.
00:50:49What began as a day of hope and optimism...
00:50:51...for Ricky Bobby and his race team has ended here in sad disappointment.
00:50:54There we go, boy.
00:50:56-I lost all muscle control. -Yeah, you did.
00:50:58-He just lost his muscle controI is all. -I lost my muscle control.
00:51:02He's fine. He just can't controI the muscles.
00:51:14-Thanks for the lift, Hershell. -Yeah, no problem.
00:51:23Jenga!
00:51:26I love you, Cal.
00:51:29-Good one, kiddo. -What the hell's going on?
00:51:31Hey, Ricky, nice of you to stop by for a visit.
00:51:34What do you mean, a visit? This is my house.
00:51:37Baby...
00:51:38...shoot. I'm so sorry.
00:51:41I really-- I didn't want it to be this way.
00:51:43Hey, what happened to the family portrait?
00:51:46You just crudely pasted your face over mine.
00:51:49We're getting married, Ricky.
00:51:51And we're getting matching leprechaun tattoos.
00:51:53lsn't that cute? With a little pot of gold.
00:51:55ls this some kind of joke? You guys putting me on?
00:51:58I was gone three hours. Dennit just fired me from the team.
00:52:03Ricky, you and l...
00:52:04...we both know that this marriage has been over for a long, long time.
00:52:08No! I honestly did not know that!
00:52:11Ricky, you can't race no more.
00:52:17I'm not going back to being poor and dancing at the Wizard's Den.
00:52:21You know, my old boyfriend Greg?
00:52:23He still works there and he was crazy.
00:52:25Baby, stop.
00:52:28Wait. Hold on. Hold on. Just a second. Let me make sure I got this straight.
00:52:33Are you asking me for a divorce?
00:52:35-Yay! Two Christmases! -Yay! Two Christmases!
00:52:37Cal?
00:52:39How could you do this to me, man?
00:52:41Ricky, your marriage was a hollow shell.
00:52:45lt was a cruel charade.
00:52:47She just gave me the 41 1 on the whole deal.
00:52:49And you know what else? You never let me win one time.
00:52:53I thought we had a good thing going. Shake and Bake.
00:52:55You're doing great. You just keep it up. Keep it up.
00:52:58And Mr. Dennit told me that it's my time now.
00:53:02-Oh, really? -That Shake and Bake is dead.
00:53:04And we just came up with a new nickname.
00:53:07-It's so good. It's so good. -I got a new nickname.
00:53:09The Magic Man. Now you see me...
00:53:13...now you don't.
00:53:15That is the stupidest nickname I've ever heard.
00:53:17ls it, Ricky?
00:53:19Because I think you wish you thought of it.
00:53:23All right. You got me. That's an awesome nickname.
00:53:26I've always had a lot of great ideas.
00:53:28I also think I might design a car that's in the shape of a rabbit.
00:53:32lt might poop out little reaI rabbits out the back that'll run around the track.
00:53:36You have live rabbits being pooped out onto a track?
00:53:39lf I win, I might do a speciaI thing with David Copperfield...
00:53:42...where he hides in my car in the passenger seat...
00:53:44...and he just flings magic stuff out the window.
00:53:47Did you run any of this by NASCAR?
00:53:49Watch the maiI for that invitation to the wedding, because I want you there.
00:53:52-What?! -I know it...
00:53:54...that some bad stuff happened just now, but in time--
00:53:57The wedding's not for a couple of weeks.
00:53:59Why would I come to your guys' wedding?
00:54:01--you're gonna get over it and be my best man.
00:54:03I'm not gonna be your best man!
00:54:05Baby, he's not gonna come to the wedding.
00:54:07Cal, do you realize the implications of your actions right now?
00:54:11What's ''implication'' mean?
00:54:13We are no longer friends.
00:54:14-Why? -What do you mean, ''Why?''
00:54:18You're wrecking my life!
00:54:19You just lost your wife. You just lost your job.
00:54:22Don't throw out your best friend because of your anger.
00:54:26-That's absolutely ridiculous, man. -Ricky...
00:54:29...remember, the field mouse is fast, but the owI sees at night.
00:54:38That's kind of creepy, ain't it?
00:54:43-Hey, Ricky, I'll call you tomorrow. -Shut up.
00:54:46-Bye, kids. I'll see you next weekend. -Bye.
00:54:53Ricky! Boys! ls everything all right?
00:54:57Mama, we got nowhere to go. Carley and CaI took everything.
00:55:01Well, you're home now, and you got your mama.
00:55:03Get in here, boys. Come on.
00:55:05Come on. Get in this house.
00:55:14Hey, Ricky. Are you on fire?
00:55:17-Nice denim shorts, dude. -Hey, shut up, man.
00:55:33Hump me!
00:55:39Now, you watch yourself.
00:55:41Yes, sir. I'm sorry. I promise it won't happen again.
00:55:51Hey, sorry, man.
00:56:01Hey.
00:56:03I lost my license.
00:56:05That's why I'm on the bus. I'm delivering pizzas.
00:56:07Motherfucker, what makes you think I care?
00:56:10Shut the fuck up!
00:56:14I was just telling you that because--
00:56:16Like I said, I lost my license. I've been having a lot of problems lately.
00:56:19Problems? I don't wanna hear about your damn problems.
00:56:22Everybody got problems.
00:56:24My mama got problems. She just lost her leg.
00:56:26My cousin Pookie just lost a testicle. My dog threw up somebody's finger.
00:56:30That's a problem.
00:56:32I really regret opening my mouth and talking to you.
00:56:37-Sorry. Sorry. -Get out of the road!
00:56:40Hey, come on, man. I'm on a bike. Relax.
00:56:43-Hey, shut up! -ldiot!
00:56:49It's open.
00:56:53Hugalo's Pizza. We are pizza.
00:56:57-You are pizza? -Yeah, we are pizza. I gotta say it.
00:57:02Either close the door or come in. I got weed in here, cowboy.
00:57:11You got three pizzas that haven't been eaten just sitting over there.
00:57:15I know. I've been calling them all day trying to get you...
00:57:18...but they keep sending me different delivery people.
00:57:20Trying to get me? Why?
00:57:22Because I'm your daddy, that's why.
00:57:25-What did you just say? -I said, I'm your daddy.
00:57:29I'm Reese Bobby.
00:57:30Me and your mama did it in a Rustler Steak House bathroom when I was 1 7.
00:57:35And then you showed up.
00:57:44Hey, son.
00:57:46-Son! Son, did this go good? -No!
00:57:50-Seems to me like it went pretty good. -You're not my dad.
00:57:53-lt got a little heated, but.... -Stop talking to me!
00:57:55Hey, is that a Huffy? That's a nice-looking bike, boy.
00:57:59I can't believe it!
00:58:01I mean, he's been blowing me off for 25 years...
00:58:04...and now he wants to get to know me?
00:58:07How the hell did he even find me?
00:58:09I called him.
00:58:10Are you kidding me? Mama, why did you go do that?
00:58:13Son, you need help.
00:58:15-I know he's a son of a bitch. -He's scary.
00:58:18But you're a grown man. You're delivering pizzas on a bike.
00:58:22How'd you even get hooked up with him in the first place?
00:58:25You probably couldn't tell by looking at him now...
00:58:28...but your daddy used to be a reaI charmer.
00:58:31And that night in the ladies' room of the Rustler Steak House, he chose me.
00:58:36-ln a ladies' room? -Shut up in here! I'm trying to sleep!
00:58:41One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!
00:58:44Hey, stop yelling at me, okay? I'm your dad. You're 7 years old.
00:58:47Don't talk like that.
00:58:51Hey. Hey there, Lucy.
00:58:53How you doing?
00:58:56Oh, hey there, Ricky. Look, son...
00:58:59...I know you don't want me to be here...
00:59:02...but I saw what happened to you on the television. You saw the fear.
00:59:06-I can help you with that, son. -Really?
00:59:08What do you care about me or us? You never even met your grandkids.
00:59:12-What are you looking at, Popeye? -Shut up, you little pot-licker.
00:59:15I'll put you in a microwave.
00:59:17Now, you show me the DNA test...
00:59:19...and then maybe I'll say hello to these swamp rats.
00:59:22You people shut the hell up! I got a wife in an oxygen tent trying to sleep.
00:59:27You better shut up or I'll come over there and rip a hole in that tent.
00:59:30Yeah, shut up, Frank!
00:59:31Go shave your balls, you dusty old fart!
00:59:34Okay, I guess they are my grandkids.
00:59:39I know you, son. I know you well.
00:59:42You're just like me. Talladega's coming up in a couple of weeks...
00:59:45-...and I know you wanna win that thing. -No, I don't.
00:59:49Listen, Ricky.
00:59:51I'm 55 years old and all I got to my name is a car...
00:59:55...and a duffle bag full of underwear, and sweet, stinky weed.
00:59:59How much you selling that weed for, old man?
01:00:01I know I screwed up raising you as a boy...
01:00:04...but just let me help you as a man.
01:00:07-Do it, Dad. Get your balls back. -Go fast again.
01:00:12Fine. I'll do it.
01:00:15-But I ain't calling you Daddy. -Well, what you gonna call me?
01:00:18All right, Professor Dickweed. What's the plan?
01:00:21Well, basically, what happened to you is that you saw the fear.
01:00:25So before you can even think about any reaI driving...
01:00:28...you gotta make friends with that fear. So get in the car.
01:00:39What the hell?! There's a goddamn cougar in the car!
01:00:42I know there's a cougar, I put it in there.
01:00:44You gotta learn to drive with the fear.
01:00:47Ain't nothing more damn frightening than driving with a cougar in the car.
01:00:51-God, where'd you get that thing? -I trapped it.
01:00:53Been keeping it in my bathroom at the motel, feeding it old pizza.
01:00:56-Now get back in that car, you hear me? -No, I'm not getting in that car.
01:01:00Hey, listen to me. lf you're calm, that wondrous big cat will be calm too.
01:01:05But if you're scared...
01:01:06...that beautifuI death machine will do what God made it to do...
01:01:10...namely, eat you with a smile on its face.
01:01:13God, he's just following me wherever I go.
01:01:15Well, he's just looking at you.
01:01:17You're saying if I just calm down, the cougar will be okay?
01:01:20-You got it. -Damn it. Okay.
01:01:23Come on, son. You can do it. Come on.
01:01:25Oh, come on.
01:01:28That's it.
01:01:30-And no sudden moves. -Like, is this too fast? Oh, man. See?
01:01:34-That's a little quick. -You see what he did?
01:01:36You gotta be a little more deliberate in your movement.
01:01:39I'm just gonna get in there. I'm just gonna grab the handle.
01:01:41I'm gonna get in and drive that car. I'm gonna do it calm.
01:01:44-Calm. Piece of cake. -I was just trying to stay calm.
01:01:50-Oh, man! -Sometime today, son.
01:01:52Okay, here we go. I'm getting in.
01:01:55Oh, God, help me!
01:01:58-Ricky! ControI your heart rate. -Oh, my God!
01:02:02Hey, Mama.
01:02:06Well, hey there, Ricky. How'd it go?
01:02:08Well, I was mauled by a cougar...
01:02:11...learned nothing about driving, and my CrystaI Gayle shirt was ruined.
01:02:15But other than that, it went fine.
01:02:17Where are the boys at?
01:02:18I dropped them off at Sunday school at my church about 1 0 minutes ago.
01:02:22Anarchy!
01:02:23-Anarchy! Anarchy! -Anarchy!
01:02:26-There they are. -What in tarnation?
01:02:30-Anarchy! -I don't even know what that means...
01:02:33...but I love it!
01:02:37-What in the hell? -That is it!
01:02:40That puts the lid right on the jar!
01:02:43-Mama! Mama! -No, Ricky, no.
01:02:45I will not have my grandbabies acting like shiftless, wild hobos.
01:02:48All right, now, you boys listen up, and you listen good.
01:02:51Now, I am declaring Granny Law.
01:02:55And if you do not obey Granny Law...
01:02:59...I will paint your back porch red.
01:03:02Sorry, Granny, but you're shit out of luck.
01:03:04We make the rules, not you.
01:03:08Hey!
01:03:11You're gonna break us like wild horses, ain't you?
01:03:14It's the beginning of a new age.
01:03:19Hey, Derek, it's Ricky.
01:03:21Just wondering if you can ditch school...
01:03:24...and take over my shift at the pizza place...
01:03:27...because I got strep throat.
01:03:29And it's bad. I don't wanna give it to everyone else.
01:03:32So call me back. You know the number.
01:03:35Hello.
01:03:37Hey, man. How's it going? You wanna come over and party?
01:03:40Did you just say ''party''?
01:03:41You know what? No. Because I still hate you, okay?
01:03:44-What are you so mad about? -What do you think I'm mad about?
01:03:47Come on, man, that was last week.
01:03:50What about the time you ran over my leg with a car?
01:03:57Wind is kicking up.
01:03:59Are you in the hot tub?
01:04:01Answer me this: When you're in spa mode...
01:04:05...how come the water level drops in the spa?
01:04:08Are you pressing the buttons in the back panel or in the kitchen?
01:04:11-I just started pressing stuff. -Hey, don't press all those buttons.
01:04:16I'm getting bored. You wanna come over and play G.l. Joes?
01:04:19I would love to. No!
01:04:21Come on. You know what? Screw you, man.
01:04:24Ricky, man, you gotta cross over the anger bridge.
01:04:26Come back to the friendship shore.
01:04:29-''Cross over the anger bridge''? -Yeah, that's where you're at.
01:04:32You're stuck on an anger bridge.
01:04:34Can you not see why I'm stuck on the anger bridge?
01:04:38Look, I don't know why I'm talking to you, okay? What is it?
01:04:41They got bottomless nachos at Bennigan's.
01:04:45God, a whole mess of nachos sounds good right now.
01:04:48I don't have a car no more. Can you come get me?
01:04:50I'll get you. Which one of your cars do you miss the most? I'll bring that one.
01:04:54-I miss the Hummer. -I'm coming in the Hummer.
01:04:56-Are you ready? -Yeah. No, wait.
01:04:58Okay. Our friendship is done. All right?
01:05:01-You hear? -You wanna hang out in your house.
01:05:03-Come on. -Screw you, dude. I'm hanging up.
01:05:05Okay, that's it. Bye.
01:05:08Oh, man, this is absolutely crazy. I mean, this is borderline reckless.
01:05:12Don't you get it? You don't drive with your eyes, you drive with your heart.
01:05:16This is just dumb. I can't see a thing.
01:05:18You gotta feel the road. You gotta let it live inside you.
01:05:22-Are you feeling anything now? -I'm feeling a little bit.
01:05:24What do you feel? Tell me what you're feeling.
01:05:27I'm feeling the worn wood of the steering wheel.
01:05:30-Yeah. What else? -A little bit of heat.
01:05:32That's you and the car melded together.
01:05:34Yeah, now I'm really feeling it. I feel like the car could drive itself.
01:05:38I bet it could. Start her up.
01:05:40I'm gonna start this car up.
01:05:42Attaboy. All right, son.
01:05:45Drive.
01:06:04I'm embarrassed. I really thought I could feel it.
01:06:07You know what? We better hightaiI it out of here. Frank's gonna be pissed.
01:06:10All right.
01:06:12No, no, Ricky. No blindfold.
01:06:16Get this highway clean, come on.
01:06:19I gotta tell you, Granny, this blows.
01:06:22-How much more of this? -I don't know.
01:06:25How many more times are you gonna toss me the radio in the bathtub?
01:06:38-Hello? -Hey, man. You up?
01:06:40-No. -Wake up. I need to talk to you.
01:06:43I think your house is haunted.
01:06:45Hey, come on. It's 2:30 in the morning.
01:06:47I can't sleep in here, man. I'm scared.
01:06:51Look, there's nothing to be scared of. It's a new house...
01:06:54...there's a lot of creaks and moans and groans in it.
01:06:56-Put on-- You got your TV on? -Well, yeah, I fell asleep with it on.
01:07:01-Turn on channel 42. -Forty-two?
01:07:04-Look at them buns. -Well, that is a set of buns.
01:07:08And down, and down, and--
01:07:10What's she doing exercising at 2:30 in the morning?
01:07:12Oh, yeah, that's a really good point.
01:07:14I don't know why I'm talking to you. Do you remember that I hate you?
01:07:18Hey, man, you know what I was thinking?
01:07:21-You're lucky. -I'm lucky?
01:07:23-How so? -Well, check it out.
01:07:26I'm sitting here in this enormous haunted mansion, can't sleep.
01:07:30You're hanging out at your mom's. That's awesome.
01:07:33-That's, like, the opposite of awesome. -Well, this is like a hotel room...
01:07:37...with someone else's junk in it.
01:07:39Okay, yeah, well, that someone else's junk, that used to be my stuff.
01:07:43I'm just having a hard time, man. I'm just calling up for some support.
01:07:47Do you--? Do you know how crazy that sounds?
01:07:50-Hey, one more thing. -Yeah?
01:07:52When you have the stereo on at the same time as the TV...
01:07:57...how do you controI the volume on the TV?
01:07:59Why do you want to listen to the TV with the stereo on?
01:08:02Because I like to party.
01:08:04Why am I still talking to you?
01:08:06Come on. We were doing good there, man.
01:08:08I'm taking care of your house good.
01:08:10I keep snapping back into it. It's like a trick you're pulling on me.
01:08:14-All right. I'll talk to you tomorrow. -All right, man. Talk to you tomorrow.
01:08:21Shit.
01:08:23Get out.
01:08:33Where did stock-car racing come from?
01:08:35What?
01:08:37-Hey, stop doing that. -How did stock-car racing get its start?
01:08:40Bootleggers in Prohibition had to have cars fast enough to outrun the Feds...
01:08:44-...then they started racing each other. -That's right.
01:08:47lf I was right, why'd you throw another bucket on me?
01:08:51I filled up three. Now, there's nothing like driving to avoid jail.
01:08:55Nothing hones your mind and your instincts like necessity.
01:08:58So I taped a kilo of cocaine underneath the car and called the boys in blue.
01:09:02Now, the way I figure it, you got about two minutes...
01:09:05...before they show up and you do five to 1 0.
01:09:09So, what's it gonna be? Fear or prison?
01:09:13-What the hell are you talking about? -ReaI simple, son.
01:09:16Cops are coming.
01:09:17There's a kilo of Colombian bam-bam under the car. Time to be a man.
01:09:23-You got hair on your peaches or what? -You're not kidding, are you? Man.
01:09:28You crazy creep!
01:09:37Come on, son. What's it gonna be?
01:09:40Speed or jail?
01:09:51Grandpa, would you like to take us fishing...
01:09:54...and tell us life lessons and stories about your childhood?
01:09:57I got a better idea.
01:09:59Why don't you boys go dig a hole and I'll get another beer?
01:10:02Someone didn't love you enough when you were little, did they?
01:10:06Good call. Here, that's worth a nickel.
01:10:09Tragic.
01:10:17Son of a bitch, son of a bitch, son of a bitch.
01:10:20Oh, man. Oh, man!
01:10:25One-sixteen. One-sixteen!
01:10:28I'm going fast again!
01:10:50Pull over! Pull over!
01:10:52Pull over? I'll pull over for you. How about this?
01:11:31Where are you?
01:11:36Gotcha.
01:11:49''Feels good going fast, doesn't it?
01:11:51By the way, don't try and snort these Lucky Charms. Reese.''
01:11:58Okay.
01:12:00Okay.
01:12:14There you go, little man.
01:12:27Hey, Ricky!
01:12:28How you doing?
01:12:34-Oh, Nana, not my prison shank. -ln the can.
01:12:47There's your mother-flipping driving test.
01:12:50Mr. Bobby, you are magnificent.
01:12:54Down, Karen! Get down! Get down, Karen!
01:12:59It's all right. It's gonna be okay.
01:13:09Well, son, you are looking good behind that wheel.
01:13:13Thanks, Daddy. I gotta tell you, I feel good. Heck, you know what?
01:13:17Let's go out tonight, you know, the whole family.
01:13:20I'm talking about sitting down, enjoying a gourmet meal...
01:13:23...at a place that's reaI special.
01:13:26-Hi. Those plates are hot. Enjoy. -You got your own skillet.
01:13:29-Be back to check on you in a minute. -Thank you.
01:13:32Oh, gooder than grits.
01:13:34Let us pray.
01:13:38Dear Lord baby Jesus...
01:13:40...lying there in your little ghost manger...
01:13:43...just looking at your Baby Einstein developmentaI videos...
01:13:46...learning about shapes and colors and....
01:13:49We just have so much to be thankfuI for.
01:13:51First off, my sons no longer act...
01:13:54-...like retarded gangbangers. -Amen.
01:13:56Also, I got my balls back behind the wheel of a car.
01:13:59And most importantly, we thank you...
01:14:01...for bringing back our nasty, delinquent, pot-dealing daddy to us.
01:14:05For he was lost, but now he is found. Amen.
01:14:09-Amen. -Amen.
01:14:11Son, that was lovely.
01:14:13-What a lovely meal. -lt sure is.
01:14:15lt certainly does look delicious.
01:14:17I gotta tell you, this is about a damn perfect evening right now.
01:14:20lt is, isn't it?
01:14:23You know what we should do?
01:14:25Every week, we should come back to this Applebee's...
01:14:29...and sit at this table, and have a family meal.
01:14:32-That's a great idea, Mama. -And order the same stuff.
01:14:35-That would be great. -And I would be delighted, Reese...
01:14:38...if you would accompany me to ballroom dancing on Tuesday nights.
01:14:42-Tuesday night? -It's a lot of fun.
01:14:44-I think you'd have a good time. -How's everybody doing here?
01:14:47-Dolly, it's so good. -Oh, it's really, really good.
01:14:50You know, I just-- I hate to be a pain, darling...
01:14:57...but I asked for no onions on my Bourbon Steak.
01:15:00I am so sorry. I thought you asked for onions--
01:15:03Okay, okay, maybe don't interrupt me.
01:15:05-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. -Yeah, well, I think you did mean to...
01:15:08...and I also think that you meant to put the damn onions on my steak.
01:15:12-Okay, Reese. -Grandfather...
01:15:14...can't we resolve this conflict without anger?
01:15:19-I'm a veteran and a diabetic! -Dad!
01:15:22-Dad! Why are you doing this? -Applebee's has rats!
01:15:26I found a whole rat in my Cobb salad!
01:15:29Dad, where are you going?
01:15:30Come on, frat boy, you wanna go?
01:15:33-What's going on, man? -Ricky, let him go!
01:15:36-Things were going good, weren't they? -That's exactly why I had to blow it up.
01:15:40I don't know what organ or bone people have...
01:15:42...that makes them act right, but I was born without it. I'm no good.
01:15:45All those races I won, that was for you, you know that?
01:15:50I did just like you told me: ''lf you ain't first, you're last.''
01:15:55What the hell are you talking about?
01:15:57What you told me that day at schooI for career day.
01:16:01You came in and you said, ''lf you ain't first, you're last.''
01:16:06Oh, hell, Ricky, I was high when I said that.
01:16:10That doesn't make any sense at all.
01:16:12''You're first or last.'' You can be second, you can be third, fourth.
01:16:16Hell, you can even be fifth.
01:16:18What are you talking about? I lived my whole life based on that.
01:16:23Well, now what the hell am I supposed to do?
01:16:27Well, that's the million-dollar question, isn't it?
01:16:34Good luck to you, son.
01:16:37Hey, Dad!
01:16:40Where are you going?
01:16:42Does it matter?
01:17:15Here we go.
01:17:18Hey, don't bump me.
01:17:21Oh, man, I'm flying.
01:17:28Game over. Come on, reset.
01:17:31Boy, you are a terrible driver, no?
01:17:34How'd you get on a video game so fast?
01:17:36ls your name, by chance, Ricky Bobby?
01:17:40Hey, screw you, man! I got nothing because of you!
01:17:46-I hate you! -Hey, Ricky.
01:17:48I am on fire. I am on fire.
01:17:52Susan?
01:17:53And so then I got a marketing job with NASCAR.
01:17:57-Really? -Yeah, it's great. It's great.
01:18:00Well, gosh, you look fantastic.
01:18:04-Thank you. -I mean, you've always looked good.
01:18:08I mean, I'm just-- I'm happy for you.
01:18:13Thank you.
01:18:15But what about you?
01:18:17How have you been? What have you been doing?
01:18:19Well, they want me to race at Talladega next weekend, but I'm not gonna do it.
01:18:23Because I'm done. I'm done with the racing, with driving.
01:18:26-Why would you do that? -Because I've really moved on.
01:18:29I've sent in my application to The ReaI World...
01:18:32...so I'm hoping to hear back.
01:18:33I'm putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket.
01:18:37I'm also thinking about getting a gun and dealing crack.
01:18:40Being a crack dealer, but not like a mean crack dealer, but like a....
01:18:44You know, like a nice one.
01:18:47Just kind of friendly, like, ''Hey...
01:18:49...what's up, guys? You want some crack?''
01:18:51I'm just waiting on those two things to kind of flesh themselves out.
01:18:55You know what, Ricky?
01:18:56I have kept my mouth shut for a really, really long time.
01:19:00And I just don't think that I can keep it shut anymore.
01:19:03I just have to tell you that I think you are making a big mistake.
01:19:06-Really? -Yes.
01:19:08Why is it that you always fall for people who leave you?
01:19:12Have you noticed that?
01:19:14Like Carley and your dad and your sponsors.
01:19:19And you always have to prove yourself. Wh--?
01:19:24Well, you gotta listen to me here, okay?
01:19:27You gotta win to get love. Everyone knows that.
01:19:31I mean, that's just life.
01:19:37Look at Don Shula, legendary coach.
01:19:40Look at that Asian guy who holds the world record...
01:19:43...for eating all those hot dogs in a row.
01:19:46Look at Rue McClanahan from The Golden Girls.
01:19:50All three people, all great champions, all loved.
01:19:54Do you wanna know why I think that you should race again?
01:19:57Sure. Why?
01:19:59Okay. It's because it's what you love, Ricky.
01:20:03lt is who you were born to be.
01:20:06And here you sit, thinking.
01:20:10Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver.
01:20:15He is a doer. And that's what you need to do.
01:20:18You don't need to think, you need to drive.
01:20:20You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine.
01:20:24You need to fire it up.
01:20:25You need to grab hold of the line between speed and chaos...
01:20:28...and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra.
01:20:31And then, when that fear rises up in your belly, you use it...
01:20:34...and you know that fear is powerful because it has been there...
01:20:37...for billions of years! And it is good, and you use it, and you ride it.
01:20:41You ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell...
01:20:44...and then you win! You win!
01:20:46You don't win for anybody else, you win for you. You know why?
01:20:49Because a man takes what he wants, he takes it all.
01:20:51And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?
01:20:55Susan, I've never heard you talk like that.
01:21:00Are we about to get it on?
01:21:02Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
01:21:09-This is awesome. -Yes, it is.
01:21:11-Are you climbing on the table now? -Yes, sir.
01:21:20I can't believe this.
01:21:22This is like that Whitesnake video where the girI crawls on....
01:21:28Yeah. Just like that. What's her name?
01:21:31Tawny Kitaen. She's really good.
01:21:33-She's great. -She's fantastic.
01:21:37Everyone, turn away.
01:21:38Things are gonna get crazy. We're gonna make animaI noises.
01:22:18-Looks good, damn good. -Yeah. That's good, guys.
01:22:20Yeah, Ricky, it's good to be back.
01:22:23-Talladega. -Talladega.
01:22:25I missed you dudes.
01:22:27Even you too, Glenn.
01:22:30I didn't have a whole lot of money left, but what I did I put into the car.
01:22:35We got some lower-end sponsors, so it's nothing to shout about...
01:22:38...but at least we got something to run in.
01:22:41Let's see what we got, guys.
01:22:44What are we looking at? ''Julio's thongs for men''?
01:22:47Come on, what kind of dude wears a thong?
01:22:49Yeah, that's messed up.
01:22:52Perverts, you know?
01:22:54It's not the best car, but it'll move.
01:22:57Hold on, now, baby. Let's just see what this thing's got under the hood.
01:23:03-There she is. -Looks like the Pep Boys threw up.
01:23:06-Damn. -Like I said, work in progress.
01:23:08All right, I tell you what we gotta do. Since we got no corporate money...
01:23:12...we have to build this engine ourselves.
01:23:14I want you to hit up every independent driver out there for spare parts.
01:23:18Yeah, Lucius, that's crazy.
01:23:20Well, crazy is all we got right now, okay? So do it.
01:23:24Now, where you going?
01:23:25I wanna tell Gerard Depardieu we're coming for him.
01:23:27There you go, baby. Give him hell.
01:23:30Get this engine built. Get it built.
01:23:40I have not finished.
01:23:50Monsieur Girard, Ricky Bobby is here to see you.
01:23:54This is the one I was talking about, Ricky Bobby.
01:23:59Thank you, Bacco. Go.
01:24:02You're a tough man to find. You know that, buster?
01:24:05I prefer solitude the day before a race.
01:24:08I am being so incredibly rude, Monsieur Bobby.
01:24:11Let me introduce you to my lunch guests.
01:24:13This is my dear old friend Elvis Costello.
01:24:17DelightfuI to meet you, Mr. Robert. I thought you were dead.
01:24:21And next to him is hip-hop artist, poet and my brother-in-law, Mos Def.
01:24:28I like your driving style. I'm more of a Tony Stewart man...
01:24:30...number 20 car, myself.
01:24:32How he gets into those straightaways.
01:24:34Gets it in the paint. Get her done!
01:24:36And across from Monsieur Def...
01:24:40...is Breeze.
01:24:41Hey. You're Breeze or you're Breeze? Which one of you is Breeze?
01:24:45Together we are Breeze.
01:24:47They are like twins, born from different wombs.
01:24:52-Right. -They are God's most...
01:24:53...beautifuI mistake.
01:24:56They do everything together. Everything.
01:25:00They read the same books.
01:25:02They do Pilates together.
01:25:07They walk, talk, sleep...
01:25:10...even go make toilet.
01:25:12Okay, you're starting to creep me out, man.
01:25:14A single plop.
01:25:16One single plop.
01:25:19I don't need to hear about doing a toilet.
01:25:21You want more examples?
01:25:23-No, you listed like 8000. -Less than that.
01:25:26-It's none of my business. -More like...
01:25:28...I don't know, between five and 1 0.
01:25:30Look, I need to talk to you.
01:25:32Walk with me, Ricky Bobby.
01:25:34-You have a good lunch. -Take care, man.
01:25:37-Goodbye, Ricky. -Goodbye.
01:25:39Holding hands with a man makes me terribly uncomfortable.
01:25:42lt is a sign of friendship in many countries.
01:25:46Well, not in ours.
01:25:48There's nothing sexuaI about it.
01:25:50Please don't be worried at the fact I have an erection.
01:25:53-lt has nothing to do with you. -Hey, come on.
01:25:56Look. Here's the deal. I came here to tell you one thing.
01:26:01All right? Tomorrow, I'm coming for you.
01:26:04Do you know why I came to America, Ricky Bobby?
01:26:08Public schools, health-care system, giant water parks.
01:26:11I mean, the same reason anyone comes to America.
01:26:14I came here for you to beat me.
01:26:18-What the hell are you talking about? -My husband, Gregory, and l...
01:26:21...wish only for that which every other couple wishes for:
01:26:25To tame Komodo dragons in Sri Lanka...
01:26:30...and teach them to perform Hamlet.
01:26:33But before I can do that....
01:26:35-That's dumb. -It's not dumb.
01:26:37-lt is dumb. -Why is it dumb?
01:26:39-I don't know. -But before I can do that...
01:26:42...I must be beaten by a driver who's truly better than me.
01:26:46So you're gonna lose to me on purpose?
01:26:49-No. -No?
01:26:51No!
01:26:53I will battle you with the entirety of my heart.
01:26:56And you will probably lose.
01:26:58But maybe, just maybe...
01:27:03...you might challenge me.
01:27:06God needs the devil.
01:27:08The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones.
01:27:11Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric.
01:27:15Will you be my Katie Couric?
01:27:21I feel like I'm in Highlander.
01:27:26What's the Highlander?
01:27:28It's a movie.
01:27:29-Any good? -Very good.
01:27:31-lt won the Academy Award. -Oh, for what?
01:27:33For best movie ever made.
01:27:35I just want you to know I came here today to tell you one thing.
01:27:38That come race time tomorrow, I'm coming for you, all right?
01:27:42-May God be with you. -Yeah.
01:27:45Because although today I am friendly...
01:27:49...tomorrow will be war!
01:27:54All right.
01:28:01Ladies and gentlemen, pull up a chair, drop the kids off with their aunt...
01:28:04...and take the phone off the hook because it's race day here...
01:28:07...at the Talladega Superspeedway.
01:28:20Hey, guys.
01:28:24-Why so down? -Ricky...
01:28:26...we were up all night working on the car.
01:28:29And then something happened. There was a fire.
01:28:31Did you say ''fire''?
01:28:33Glenn is dead, Ricky.
01:28:35I mean, he died last night in my arms...
01:28:39-...as I held him. -Oh, man.
01:28:41He was so scared, because you know how little he is.
01:28:43And death was coming for him, and he stood there...
01:28:46...and with a tear coming out his eyes, he said, ''Tell Ricky, win for me.''
01:28:50That's all that little bastard wanted, was for you to win.
01:28:53I wish you could've seen him.
01:28:54I wish you could've felt his little heart fluttering.
01:28:57Sweet Jesus.
01:28:59Poor Glenn.
01:29:03Hey, what the hell, man. Hey, Glenn. Glenn!
01:29:08-I see you. -Glenn, what did I say?
01:29:12-I said, ''Wait till after the race.'' -Was he crying?
01:29:15I'm sorry, Ricky. We were just trying to give you a little extra motivation.
01:29:18Well, that is just sick, guys.
01:29:21It's okay, Susie. I appreciate it, guys.
01:29:24Just trying to help out...
01:29:26...even though it was weird and perverse.
01:29:29They're just trying to help, Ricky. We're a team here.
01:29:32-I appreciate it. -Let's see what's under the hood.
01:29:34All right, let's have a look.
01:29:42Hot dog. I mean, that's like looking up Bridgette Wilson-Sampras' skirt.
01:29:45We were up all night working on it. Like I said, a lot of teams gave parts.
01:29:49Nice work, guys.
01:29:50And your sponsors weren't doing very much, so...
01:29:54...well, we repainted the car.
01:29:56Well, take a look. Come on, guys.
01:30:01Well, I like the cougar, but what company is ''M.E.''?
01:30:05''Me'' is you...
01:30:07...because it's just you out there.
01:30:09We don't have any corporate sponsors.
01:30:12We don't have any fancy team owners.
01:30:14We have you...
01:30:16...and this car, and this cougar...
01:30:19...which symbolizes the fear that you have overcome.
01:30:22It's all there for you.
01:30:25Ricky, this car is like your Excalibur, the mighty sword King Arthur used...
01:30:30...to bring together the Knights of the Round Table...
01:30:32...untiI Lancelot betrayed him by laying with his queen, in the biblicaI sense.
01:30:37Okay, Glenn.
01:30:39Everything cooI that Susan said, you wrecked it.
01:30:44Guys, let's go win ourselves a race, all right?
01:30:46-There you go. Yeah! -Right?
01:30:49Let's get out there and win a race.
01:31:05From Provence, France...
01:31:07...driver of the number 55 Perrier car...
01:31:11...Jean Girard.
01:31:21From West River, North Carolina...
01:31:24...driver of the number 47 Old Spice car...
01:31:27... CaI Naughton Jr.
01:31:40Hey, Carley.
01:31:42-Hey, Ricky. -Carley! Hey, baby.
01:31:47Baby.
01:31:49Oh, hey, Ricky.
01:31:51Hey, man. We missed you at the wedding.
01:31:54-You missed me at the wedding? -Oh, man, it was so classy.
01:31:57We had a Styx cover band and a nacho fountain.
01:32:01Check it, it was a nacho fountain with six kinds of cheese on it.
01:32:04-Liquid cheese? lt cascaded down? -Yeah.
01:32:07-Are you serious? -Amazing. Six different kinds.
01:32:09Swiss, Havarti. What was the other one?
01:32:11-Gouda. -Cheddar, Gouda.
01:32:12That's the greatest thing I ever heard of.
01:32:15Bean buffet in front of it. lt was awesome.
01:32:17Don't listen to him. And remember one thing, he's the competition.
01:32:20You're not very focused right now. I need you to focus.
01:32:23-Hey. -What?
01:32:25-I'm the Magic Man now. Okay? -Yeah, I know.
01:32:27So get ready for some tricks up these sleeves, all right?
01:32:30Watch your buns, pal.
01:32:32Baby, that is reaI good talk. Like we practiced last night.
01:32:35I got something to tell you, you mangy piece of trash.
01:32:37-What? -I'm sorry.
01:32:42I took you for granted, Cal, and you were a really good friend to me...
01:32:46...and I never gave you your due. lt was my fault.
01:32:50I'll tell you the truth. I'm a little confused by your tactics.
01:32:54-Tactics? -Yeah. I'm gonna keep acting tough...
01:32:57...untiI I figure it out. All right?
01:33:00See you on the track.
01:33:02-Come on, baby. -I love you.
01:33:04I love you too. Come on.
01:33:06Abracadabra, homes.
01:33:12Hi, Bill Weber, along with Wally Dallenbach and Benny Parsons.
01:33:15Thanks for having us. Today, Talladega, NASCAR's biggest track...
01:33:19...where the big concern is the big wreck.
01:33:21And it's not if it happens, it's where and when.
01:33:23We have a guy in the race today that'll probably cause it, Ricky Bobby.
01:33:27Starting in the rear of the field, underfunded...
01:33:29...and the last time we saw him, he caused a big crash.
01:33:32A lot of big stories and some big questions here at Talladega.
01:33:48All right, go get them.
01:34:04You must decide, Ricky Bobby.
01:34:06ls it foolish pride, or is it greatness for you?
01:34:18-Hey, Jarvis! -Go ahead, Cal.
01:34:21lf you slept with your best friend's wife...
01:34:24-...why would he apologize to you? -Yeah, I know. That's weird.
01:34:28That's what I'm saying. My head's all tied up like a pretzel.
01:34:32I got a pretzel in my head.
01:34:39-Ricky! -Come on, Dad!
01:35:07I've got some big investors coming by.
01:35:09These guys are big-money power players.
01:35:11lf things go right, they could have us owning half the cars in NASCAR.
01:35:14So I want you-- No, I want you to behave.
01:35:16-Oh, really? -Quiet.
01:35:18Should I not tell them after 1 4 years of marriage...
01:35:20...you're still afraid to let me see you naked?
01:35:23That's not a fear thing, it's a trust thing.
01:35:25Hey! I was wondering where you guys got off to.
01:35:28Baby, this is Ted Beamen from Halliburton.
01:35:31-Nice to meet you. -Over here...
01:35:33...is Dick Tangfield from Dynacorp.
01:35:36-Back there is.... -You have beautifuI teeth.
01:35:38Yes, he does. Get yourselves down there.
01:35:40-Adorable. -Make yourselves at home...
01:35:42-...grab something to eat, over here.... -Sweetheart, sweetheart.
01:35:45You're a sweetie pie.
01:35:47She's very affectionate. She suffered a recent loss--
01:35:50You taste good too.
01:35:52--so she's a little emotional.
01:35:54Okay, that's fine. Go ahead, find a seat. Can we get these guys something?
01:35:58Jean Girard started from the pole and is out to a big lead.
01:36:02As you know, Bill, he's been doing that all year.
01:36:06Where are you, Ricky Bobby? Come face your destroyer!
01:36:11''Come face your destroyer''? Listen to how I sound.
01:36:14I sound like a massive prick.
01:36:18Come on, baby! Yeah, that's it.
01:36:20All right, Lucius. Time to let the cougar loose.
01:36:25Here we go, boys.
01:36:34Ricky Bobby, in the 6 2 car, on the move.
01:36:37He's gone from 26th to 1 8th place.
01:36:40Now let's go to John Hannafin, in the stands with a country-music legend.
01:36:43Thank you, Sean. I'm here with one of the greatest country-music stars...
01:36:47...of all time, Kenny Rogers.
01:36:49-What do you think of the race so far? -It's good. They're going really fast.
01:36:53John, that's not Kenny Rogers.
01:36:55ln the song ''The Gambler,'' you sang:
01:36:58''You gotta know when to walk away and know when to run.''
01:37:01Should Ricky Bobby have stayed away from racing?
01:37:04Mr. Bobby's very competitive. lf he wants to race, he should race.
01:37:09Well, this is John Hannafin with Kenny Rogers. And now back to you, Bill.
01:37:13Well, that, of course, was not Kenny Rogers.
01:37:15Not even close.
01:37:17Ricky, you've got Brian Wavecrest...
01:37:20...the guy that replaced you at Dennit, dead ahead.
01:37:22Bobby working really hard to pass the Wonder Bread car.
01:37:25That's his old ride, of course.
01:37:34We've passed the halfway mark with Ricky Bobby...
01:37:36...now three car lengths behind the leader.
01:37:39Maybe subconsciously you slept with Ricky's wife...
01:37:43...as a way of getting back at him...
01:37:45...for making you come in second all those years.
01:37:48I know one thing, Carley was definitely unconscious every time we had sex.
01:37:54Lucius, I got CaI Naughton dead ahead of me.
01:37:59Hey, Cal, you should pay attention. I think he's passing you.
01:38:02ls Ricky passing me in my subconscious?
01:38:05No, he's actually passing you. That's happening right now.
01:38:08Go, Ricky! Go!
01:38:10Let's go back to our John Hannafin...
01:38:12...who's in the stands with an NBA legend, Larry Bird.
01:38:16Folks, I'm here with one of the great NBA superstars...
01:38:18...a reaI legend, Larry Bird.
01:38:20I almost didn't recognize you with the sunglasses. What are you up to?
01:38:24Come on, John, pay attention.
01:38:26I'm concerned. He might have had a stroke.
01:38:28Didn't Ricky Bobby used to drive for you?
01:38:31-Oh, yeah, yeah. -He's doing quite well.
01:38:33Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Richard!
01:38:37Get CaI Naughton's crew chief on the radio right away.
01:38:41I believe you have some tickets waiting for me. My name's Reese Bobby.
01:38:45Reese Bobby.
01:38:48Mister, these tickets have been waiting for you for a long time.
01:38:59Who needs two? I got tickets!
01:39:01Tickets, right here, 60 bucks a pop.
01:39:11All right, Girard, I found you. Now let's see where this goes.
01:39:15Bobby's gotten around Naughton...
01:39:17...and now he's right behind Girard, but Girard's gonna block the track.
01:39:21Man, he's scary good.
01:39:23Ah, Ricky Bobby.
01:39:25Now we shall dance, and yes, it will be a slow jam.
01:39:36Damn it. Come on, man.
01:39:41I was wrong about you, Ricky Bobby.
01:39:44You are not the one to defeat me.
01:39:50I can't get around him, man.
01:39:56You tell CaI Naughton to take Ricky Bobby out.
01:39:58Hey, Cal, listen. I hate to add to your tremendous moraI confusion...
01:40:03...but I just heard from Dennit.
01:40:04He said to take Ricky Bobby out of the race or you're fired, buddy.
01:40:08What are you talking about?
01:40:09Tell him if he doesn't do it, he's done. That's right, he'll be driving a tour bus.
01:40:13Well, you tell Mr. Dennit that Ricky Bobby is my best friend.
01:40:18-And it's Shake and Bake time. -Cal, I don't like the way...
01:40:21-...you're talking out there. -Damn the torpedoes!
01:40:32Come on, man, slingshot it. Slingshot, come on.
01:40:37I can't believe it. lf it isn't Mike Honcho himself.
01:40:40Shake and Bake, buddy!
01:40:42Shake it before you bake it.
01:40:44Here I come. Slingshot engaged.
01:40:51Yeah!
01:40:53I love you, Cal!
01:40:55-What are you doing? -Can't believe it. Now I've seen it all.
01:40:58CaI Naughton from Dennit Racing just helped a rivaI driver pass a teammate.
01:41:05Darrell, you tell Brian Wavecrest to take out CaI Naughton right now.
01:41:09Right now, you do it. You do it!
01:41:13Yes, sir.
01:41:21And the 26 car just ran Naughton into the wall.
01:41:31Oh, man.
01:41:38Damn you, Wavecrest!
01:41:43The entire field was in that wreck, and we've only got six laps to go.
01:41:48Only Ricky Bobby and Jean Girard got away clean.
01:41:53It's just Jean and Ricky.
01:42:00And now the matador shall dance with the blind shoemaker.
01:42:07Race officials have completed an extensive cleanup of the track.
01:42:10We're ready to get back to racing.
01:42:12The 200,000 fans are on their feet, and the green flag is in the air.
01:42:25Bobby and Girard are dueling each other for the lead.
01:42:27No one seems to have the edge.
01:42:30Go, go, go! Come on, come on, go!
01:42:32Ladies and gentlemen, this is the finaI lap.
01:42:38By the way, Ricky, I watched the Highlander movie.
01:42:42lt was shit.
01:42:45Hang on, baby Jesus, this is gonna get bumpy.
01:43:15I've seen a lot of big crashes at Talladega...
01:43:17...but this is the longest one I've ever seen.
01:43:19Let's take a quick commerciaI break and we'll be right back.
01:43:22Hungry for both steak and shrimp?
01:43:32Welcome back to Talladega, where the long one continues.
01:43:43No, no! Jean Girard and Ricky Bobby have wrecked in the last lap...
01:43:47...on the straightaway. What a shame.
01:43:49Oh, God.
01:43:52lt looks like neither Girard or Bobby will finish this race.
01:43:56We'd like to thank you for joining us for NBC's coverage of NAS CAR.
01:43:59Coming up next, it's lce Dancing to the Hits of Motown.
01:44:22Wait a minute, there's something going on on the track down there.
01:44:25Oh, my God, they're racing each other on foot.
01:44:27These men will not quit.
01:44:29Go! Go!
01:44:34Ricky, Ricky. He's going, he's going, he's going. Look!
01:45:14He did it!
01:45:22Well, I'll be damned.
01:45:26Good for you, Ricky Bobby.
01:45:34Yeah! Yeah!
01:45:36Ricky Bobby wins!
01:45:38You'll never see anything like that in a hundred lifetimes.
01:45:40lt was completely illegaI and in no way will count, but that was something.
01:45:44lt was. That was really good.
01:45:49Monsieur Bobby, by defeating me today...
01:45:53...you have set me free.
01:45:56And for that, I thank you.
01:46:00I will never shake your hand, ever.
01:46:06But I will give you this.
01:46:29Sir, you taste of America.
01:46:35Thank you.
01:46:42No, once was good. Once was good.
01:46:50Boy, that Halliburton. Halliburton's taken off, haven't they?
01:46:53Yeah, yeah, we're doing well.
01:46:54Now there's some stock I'd like to get my hands on.
01:46:57Ladies and gentlemen, NASCAR fans...
01:46:59...your eyes on Talladega's famed Victory Lane...
01:47:02...as we get ready for trophy time here...
01:47:04...following an exciting running of the Talladega 500.
01:47:08First, a very brief explanation.
01:47:10Because the drivers that finished first and second got out of their cars...
01:47:15...they have officially been disqualified.
01:47:17So now the winner, he was third, he's now number one:
01:47:22CaI Naughton Jr.!
01:47:26Yeah, come on, guys!
01:47:31-Give me that thing. -Cal, you're number one!
01:47:34I've been waiting a long time for you to say my name, man.
01:47:37I know it's a technicality, but I tell you what...
01:47:40...you try to take this away from me, I'll sock you in the face.
01:47:43Ricky.
01:47:45Give me that thing.
01:47:50I can't believe it. I can't believe it!
01:47:54-Cal! -Put me down.
01:47:57I'm proud of you!
01:47:59Get up here, man. No, you come up here.
01:48:02You come up here.
01:48:07-CaI Naughton! CaI Naughton. -Oh, my God.
01:48:10For this to happen.... Am I dead, man?
01:48:13You won the Talladega 500, all right?
01:48:16I owe you an apology.
01:48:18-Come on. -Man, I'm sorry about Carley.
01:48:21She walked straight up to me and grabbed me in the crotch.
01:48:24-It's like a tractor beam of hotness. -I know.
01:48:29Shake and Bake?
01:48:32No. Never again.
01:48:37You're right. I was a totaI dick, man.
01:48:42From now on...
01:48:45...it's Magic Man...
01:48:48...and EI Diablo.
01:48:50What's ''Diablo'' mean?
01:48:52It's like, you know....
01:48:53It's like Spanish for, like, a fighting chicken.
01:48:56-That's awesome. -I know.
01:48:57-With the claws. -With the claws and the beak.
01:49:01Where did you think of that?
01:49:02You just-- Sometimes things click.
01:49:05-I love you, bro. -I love you too.
01:49:09Oh, my God! Oh, my God, I can't believe it!
01:49:13Excuse me, guys. Nice job.
01:49:17Hey, Ricky.
01:49:19Hey, Carley.
01:49:20I've decided I can love you again. You're a winner.
01:49:24-Yeah, I don't think so. -Really?
01:49:27Are you prepared to walk away from these pearls...
01:49:33...of delight?
01:49:39Well.... Yeah, this is tough. How would it work?
01:49:43-Would CaI move out? -Yep, gone.
01:49:45Kids move back in?
01:49:47-Can I just have a little refresher? -Of course, baby.
01:49:52This is why you fell in love, don't forget.
01:49:54Yeah, I'm in. I'm moving in right now.
01:49:56I'll drive 1 00 miles an hour to your house.
01:49:58-Our house. Our house. -Our house, yeah.
01:50:00No, I'm not. Come on. It's gonna be awkward.
01:50:03-Hey, baby. -Hey.
01:50:07Wait a minute.
01:50:09You are ready to walk away...
01:50:12...from FHM magazine's number seven hottest ass...
01:50:16...for the girI who forgets to get your dry cleaning?
01:50:20-Yeah. -Yeah?
01:50:22-Yeah. -Good luck, weirdoes.
01:50:24-Carley, come back here. -Yes, Susie Q?
01:50:26There's something I've wanted to tell you for a really long time.
01:50:31Thank you. Maybe one together?
01:50:35-Susie Q, are those real? -Yeah.
01:50:38Well, girl, you got some game.
01:50:43-We'll see you on down the road. -Yeah.
01:50:45-You seen Cal? -He's somewhere around here.
01:50:47Hey, Cal! Baby, I'm coming. Thanks, baby.
01:50:51-Maybe one more? -Oh, boys.
01:50:54-She's crazy. -Oh, thank you.
01:50:55-You did good. -Thanks, Mama.
01:50:57He's amazing.
01:50:59That was one heck of a day, I gotta say.
01:51:01That's some nice driving there, cowboy.
01:51:04-Hey, Daddy. -Well, hello, Reese.
01:51:07Well, if it isn't our old mangy, transient grandfather.
01:51:12Well said, grandson. Take that as a compliment.
01:51:15Hey, Ricky, let me ask you a question.
01:51:21Who did you win that race for?
01:51:23Well, I sure as hell didn't win it for you.
01:51:26I like hearing that.
01:51:28I guess if I really gotta think about it...
01:51:31...I just went out there and drove.
01:51:34And knew that no matter what happened...
01:51:37...my boys, my mama, and my lady would love me.
01:51:44Hi, I'm his lady, I'm Susan.
01:51:47I painted the car, l.... We had sex.
01:51:50-ls that right? -Yeah.
01:51:52Well, I wish I could've been there for that.
01:51:54Son, I'm proud of you.
01:51:58Yep. Yeah, I think.... I guess things are...
01:52:04...just pretty much perfect right now.
01:52:08It's making me a little itchy.
01:52:12Well, what do you say we get thrown out of an Applebee's?
01:52:15-That sound like a good idea? -You read my mind, son.
01:52:18-You can cuss at Applebee's. -Everybody pile in.
01:52:20How does one get thrown out of Applebee's?
01:52:22-You're about to find out. -Okay.
01:52:25Watch, the doors actually open.
01:52:58-Hey, I'm Ricky Bobby. -And I'm CaI Naughton Jr.
01:53:01We just want to take a moment to talk to you about snow blindness in cats.
01:53:05It's affecting more and more cats every year.
01:53:07And it scares the living shit out of us.
01:53:11Ninety-eight percent of us will die at some point in our lives.
01:53:14The darkness is creeping towards you, whether you know it or not.
01:53:17A little planning can go a long way.
01:53:19Listen, leaving your big old corpse behind...
01:53:21...for your loved ones to deaI with ain't cool.
01:53:23That's why you should call McCreedy FuneraI Service.
01:53:26McCreedy's. They'll find the hole and build the box.
01:53:30Bodies that look so good, you're gonna wanna talk to it.
01:53:37We like to have a lot of laughs on the racetrack...
01:53:39...but today we wanna talk about something serious:
01:53:42Packs of stray dogs that control most of the major cities.
01:53:48That's packs of wild, vicious dogs that are controlling most of....
01:53:52Sorry.
01:53:53I like to picture Jesus like a mischievous badger.
01:53:57Like a muscular trapeze artist.
01:53:59Like a shapeshifter or a changeling, like that guy.
01:54:03You ever hear of that TV show Manimal?
01:54:04I like to think of Jesus as a figure skater...
01:54:08...who wears, like, a white outfit...
01:54:10...and he does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.
01:54:13Like a dirty old bum.
01:54:15He comes up to me, I'm about to sock him one because he's a dirty old bum.
01:54:19Then I said, ''Wait a minute, I better not sock this guy.
01:54:21Something speciaI about him.''
01:54:23-Yeah, and it turns out it's Jesus. -Yeah.
01:54:26One, two.... Oh, God.
01:54:28-Not again! No go. No go! -It's stuck. It's stuck.
01:54:32We got two knives in my leg.
01:54:34I know, but one is a safety knife. One is a safety.
01:54:39It's coming out. It's coming out.
01:54:41I'm choking on my own spit.
01:54:43lt hurts so bad I'm choking on my own spit.
01:54:45Good night, guys. I'm losing a lot of blood.
01:54:48-Just relax, man. -Good night.
01:54:50Ricky! Wake--
01:54:54Sometimes, when it's late at night, I dress up like Donna Summers.
01:54:59You know, I put on the skirt and the four-inch heels, man.
01:55:04I love it.
01:55:15Sorry. Sorry.
01:55:19I would be honored if you would let me sign your cast.
01:55:22And I would be honored if you'd sign my balls.
01:55:25-Oh, baby, that is a good one. -Hey, what are you doing?
02:00:45''Don't touch a one of them. They're mine.''
02:00:51So, what do you think that story was about?
02:00:54Doesn't the bear symbolize the old South...
02:00:57...and the new dog, the encroaching industrialization of the North?
02:01:01Duh. But the question is, should the reader feel relief or sadness...
02:01:06...at the passing of the old South?
02:01:08Well, how about both?
02:01:10Oh, I get it. Moral ambiguity.
02:01:13The hallmark of all early 20th-century American fiction.
02:01:18-Great analysis, Walker. -Thank you.

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