Animal House

00:02:18Take off that beanie.
00:02:20Hey, we're supposed to wear it until homecoming.
00:02:22Don't be a fruit, okay?
00:02:36Hi, there.
00:02:37Doug Neidermeyer, Omega membership chairman.
00:02:39Larry Kroger. This. . .
00:02:43This is my roommate, Kent Dorfman.
00:02:46Hi, there. Doug Neidermeyer.
00:02:48And these are our nametag hostesses
00:02:50Mandy Pepperidge and Babs Jansen.
00:02:52- Hi, there, Kent. Hi, Larry. - Hi.
00:02:55Welcome to Omega House.
00:02:56Thank you. Nice to. . .
00:02:58Why don't we just go inside and meet some of the guys, huh?
00:03:07A wimp and a blimp.
00:03:11There are a lot of great guys here tonight,
00:03:13so don't feel you have to meet everybody.
00:03:18We just want you to enjoy yourselves while you're here.
00:03:23MAN: Well, Chip, I think you'll find
00:03:24that Omega House has more activities
00:03:26than most of the other fraternities on campus
00:03:28and they're far superior, I think. . .
00:03:29- Mandy. - Hi. Oh, right there.
00:03:34Hi, there, fellas. Like you to meet Ken and Lonnie.
00:03:39- Ken, Lonnie, I'd like you to meet. . . - Larry.
00:03:42. . .Mohamet, Jugdish, Sidney, and Clayton.
00:03:47Now just grab a seat, and make yourselves at home
00:03:50and don't be shy about helping yourselves to punch and cookies.
00:04:08Now, I'm not going to say that Omega's the best house on campus
00:04:12but a lot of outstanding guys
00:04:14figure they'll pledge Omega, or they won't pledge at all.
00:04:18We do have more than our share of campus leaders.
00:04:21Something that never looks bad on your permanent record, Chip.
00:04:24Well, sure.
00:04:25Everybody I talk to says Omega's the best, but I hate to seem
00:04:31you know, pushy.
00:04:32Let the unacceptable candidates worry about that
00:04:35because after tonight they're. . . You are. . .
00:04:40I'm Greg Marmalard, President of Omega House.
00:04:43And I'd like you to meet my friends, Mandy Pepperidge. . .
00:04:45- Hello. - Hi.
00:04:46- We already met. - . . .and Chip Diller.
00:04:49- How are you? - Hi. How are you?
00:04:51And over there is Terry Auerback, captain of the swim team
00:04:54and that's Carl Phillips, editor of The Daily Faberian
00:04:57and Clayton
00:05:00Sidney, Jugless, Mohamet, Lonnie. . .
00:05:04Yeah, we already met.
00:05:06Oh, super!
00:05:08Then you'll have lots to talk about, huh? Yeah.
00:05:14I don't know, Larry. I don't think you're trying very hard.
00:05:17I hate this.
00:05:19Look, no sweat.
00:05:20My brother Fred was a Delta. That makes me a legacy.
00:05:23They gotta take me. It's like their law.
00:05:25Don't worry. I'll put in a good word for you.
00:05:27Great. I heard Delta's the worst house on campus.
00:05:43Excuse me, sir. Is this the Delta house?
00:05:49Come on in.
00:06:23Grab a brew. Don't cost nothing.
00:06:33I've never seen anything like this before. I'll see you later.
00:06:35Down to her underwear. I had a boner. I know I did.
00:06:57And bump you $20.
00:06:59Hi, guys.
00:07:02I'll see another ten.
00:07:04You guys playing cards?
00:07:22You want another beer?
00:07:26Hi. You want a beer,
00:07:29- Larry? - Sure.
00:07:34Nice fish, huh?
00:07:38Hi, Larry. I'm Robert Hoover, Chapter President.
00:07:40Hi, Robert.
00:07:42Katy, have you seen Boon?
00:07:43He disappeared the minute we got here.
00:07:45He's probably upstairs talking to Otter.
00:07:47No doubt. They're well-known homosexuals.
00:07:52Have another beer, Larry. She's just kidding.
00:07:55Right, Bluto?
00:08:11You going out tonight, Otter?
00:08:16No. Let me give you a hint.
00:08:17She's got a couple of major-league yabos.
00:08:21No, but you're getting warmer.
00:08:24Let me give you another hint. Does this ring a bell?
00:08:27(IN FALSETTO) "Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God!"
00:08:32Don't tell me you're gonna pork Marlene Desmond.
00:08:36Gonna hump her brains out, aren't you?
00:08:38Boon, I anticipate a deeply religious experience.
00:08:43Why are you so interested in my social life? Where's Katy?
00:08:46Downstairs, pissed off about something.
00:08:49She thinks you're an immature jerk, huh?
00:08:53I don't take anything seriously.
00:09:01She'll take this seriously. Try it.
00:09:05Hey, are you guys coming down?
00:09:06This thing talk?
00:09:07There happen to be 50 people downstairs waiting to try and get into this fraternity.
00:09:11Otter, you are the rush chairman.
00:09:13I think you should be present at the rush party.
00:09:23Hi. My name is Kent Dorfman.
00:09:30Hey, Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damn glad to meet you.
00:09:37Hi. Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damn glad to meet you.
00:09:42Hi. That was Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. He was damn glad to meet you.
00:09:45Oh, Larry. Good. I see you've met D-Day.
00:09:47Good. You're having a nice time. That's good. Good.
00:10:02Hey, Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damn glad to meet you.
00:10:04- Nice to meet you. - Nice tie.
00:10:06Is that a clip-on, by any chance?
00:10:08Boon, come on over and check this out.
00:10:10Excuse me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Excuse me.
00:10:12Pardon me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon me.
00:10:15Oh, 90% rayon. Very nice.
00:10:19Hi, boys, having a good time, I hope? Excuse me, one second.
00:10:23- Did your mother buy that for you? - Yeah.
00:10:25Kent is a legacy, Otter. His brother was a '59. Fred Dorfman?
00:10:29He said legacies usually get asked to pledge automatically.
00:10:32Oh, well, usually, unless the pledge in question turns out to be a real closet case.
00:10:36- Like Fred. - My brother.
00:10:39Kent, come on over here.
00:10:40- I like the tie. - Great tie, don't you think?
00:10:46Hi. Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damn glad to meet you.
00:10:54Katy, Katy, Katy. Where you going?
00:10:57Home, Donald.
00:10:58We just got here.
00:10:59No, Boon, you just got here.
00:11:01I've been downstairs for an hour entertaining some kid
00:11:04from Pig's Knuckle, Arkansas.
00:11:08Maybe we could drive up to your folks' place this weekend.
00:11:12Oh, fabulous.
00:11:14My car, filled with your beer buddies
00:11:16going up to empty my parents' liquor cabinet.
00:11:18It's too depressing to think about.
00:11:21Just gonna be you and me, and Otter and another girl.
00:11:26Is this really what you're gonna do for the rest of your life?
00:11:29What do you mean? I mean, hanging around
00:11:31with a bunch of animals, getting drunk every weekend.
00:11:35After I graduate, I'm gonna get drunk every night.
00:11:43Boon, I think I'm in love with a retard.
00:11:47Is he bigger than me?
00:12:03what is the worst fraternity on this campus?
00:12:08That would be hard to say, sir.
00:12:10They're each outstanding in their own way. . .
00:12:12Cut the horse shit, son. I got their disciplinary files right here.
00:12:19Who dumped a whole truckload of Fizzies into the swim meet?
00:12:24Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner?
00:12:28Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear.
00:12:32Every spring, the toilets explode.
00:12:36You're talking about Delta, sir.
00:12:39Of course I'm talking about Delta, you twerp!
00:12:43This year, it's gonna be different.
00:12:46This year, we're going to grab the bull by the balls
00:12:48and kick those punks off campus.
00:12:51What do you intend to do, sir? Delta's already on probation.
00:12:55They are?
00:12:56Yes, sir.
00:13:00Then as of this moment, they're on double secret probation.
00:13:03Double secret probation, sir?
00:13:06There is a little-known codicil in the Faber College constitution
00:13:10which gives the Dean unlimited power to preserve order
00:13:14in time of campus emergency.
00:13:16Find me a way to revoke Delta's charter.
00:13:21You live next door.
00:13:23Put Neidermeyer on it.
00:13:25He's a sneaky little shit, just like you, right?
00:13:29The time has come for someone to put his foot down
00:13:34and that foot is me.
00:13:38Larry Kroger. All in favor.
00:13:42Who cares? We need the dues.
00:13:44Good. Larry Kroger is now pledged to Delta Tau Chi.
00:13:47Next slide, please, D-Day.
00:13:56(ALL JEERING)
00:14:00Just a minute. Just a minute. Just settle down.
00:14:03This is Kent Dorfman. He's a legacy from Harrisburg.
00:14:10Oh, come on, now. Okay.
00:14:12Now wait. Okay.
00:14:15Okay, this guy is a real zero. That's true.
00:14:19Let's just think back to when you guys were freshmen.
00:14:22Boon, you had a face like a pepperoni pizza, right?
00:14:27And Stork here.
00:14:28Everybody thought the Stork was brain damaged.
00:14:31I, myself, was so obnoxious
00:14:35the seniors used to beat me up once a week.
00:14:38So this guy is a total loser?
00:14:42Well, let me tell you the story of another loser.
00:14:51Get up!
00:14:56Let's go! On your feet!
00:15:00I. . . State your name.
00:15:04ALL: I. . . state your name.
00:15:07Do hereby pledge allegiance to the frat.
00:15:14With liberty and fraternity for all.
00:15:19Sergeant at Arms.
00:15:21Do your duty.
00:15:26From now on, your Delta Tau Chi name is Weasel.
00:15:32From now on, your name is Mothball.
00:15:37Kroger, your Delta Tau Chi name is Pinto.
00:15:41Why Pinto? (BURPING) Why not?
00:15:44What's my Delta Tau Chi name?
00:15:47Dorfman, I've given this a lot of thought.
00:15:51From now on, your name is Flounder.
00:16:46We now consecrate the bond of obedience.
00:16:57Assume the position.
00:17:05Thank you, sir! May I have another?
00:17:13Thank you, sir. May I have another?
00:17:18Now what can we say
00:17:22of John Milton's Paradise Lost?
00:17:28Well, it's a very long poem.
00:17:30It was written a long time ago and I'm sure
00:17:33a lot of you have difficulty understanding
00:17:36exactly what Milton was trying to say.
00:17:40Certainly we know that he was trying
00:17:42to describe the struggle between good and evil, right?
00:17:51The most intriguing character, as we all know from our reading, was. . .
00:18:02Now was Milton trying to tell us
00:18:04that being bad was more fun than being good?
00:18:19Don't write this down, but I find Milton
00:18:21probably as boring as you find Milton.
00:18:26Mrs. Milton found him boring, too. He. . . He's a little bit long-winded.
00:18:31He doesn't translate very well into our generation
00:18:35and his jokes are terrible.
00:18:37(BELL RINGING)
00:18:38But that does not relieve you from your responsibility for this material.
00:18:42Now, I'm waiting for reports from some of you.
00:18:45Listen, I'm not joking. This is my job.
00:18:51Come on, Mandy, honey. You know I'd tell you.
00:18:54Are you and Greg doing the dirty deed or not?
00:18:58Greg doesn't believe in premarital intercourse.
00:19:02Too bad.
00:19:04I think he's just dreamy.
00:19:07MAN: Jumping jacks!
00:19:08And one, two, three, four!
00:19:23And one, two. . .
00:19:25Company, halt!
00:19:34Dress that line.
00:19:52Dress that line, mister.
00:19:56Dress that line, soldier.
00:19:59Mister, hold my mount.
00:20:09You fat, disgusting slob.
00:20:14You're a goddamn disgrace!
00:20:17A vicious mother, isn't he?
00:20:19Yeah. He can't do that to our pledges.
00:20:22Only we can do that to our pledges.
00:20:25Redo those buttons. Dress that belt buckle.
00:20:29Straighten that cap. And goddamn it, tuck up those pajamas!
00:20:35Attention! Eyes front!
00:20:41What's that on your chest, mister?
00:20:46It's a pledge pin, sir.
00:20:47A pledge pin?
00:20:49On your uniform?
00:20:54Hooked it. Shit.
00:21:01Just tell me, mister, what fraternity would pledge
00:21:05a man like you?
00:21:08It's a Delta pin, sir.
00:21:18You'll report to the stable tonight and every night at 1900 hours
00:21:23and without that pledge pin!
00:21:27Do you understand?
00:21:35Your left arm is straight, but you're not keeping your head down.
00:21:40You're all worthless and weak!
00:21:43Now, drop and give me 20!
00:21:52Ho! Whoa!
00:21:54Ho. Get back in rank! Attention!
00:21:57Always try to hit through the ball.
00:22:00Whoa, big fella. Whoa, whoa.
00:22:03Trooper, whoa. . .
00:22:11I gotta work on my game.
00:22:13No, no, no. Don't think of it as work.
00:22:15The whole point is just to enjoy yourself.
00:22:22BOON: Now, I want you to fix Pinto up, but it's gotta be a very special girl.
00:22:26Listen. You don't have. . . Now, she should be decent-looking
00:22:28but we're willing to trade looks for a certain kind of
00:22:32morally casual attitude.
00:22:33Oh, you mean you want somebody he can screw on the first date.
00:22:36Well put. You see, Pinto's never been laid.
00:22:38Hey. What'd I say?
00:22:39Cut it out. Look, you guys.
00:22:41Don't embarrass me in front of Dave, okay?
00:22:43- He's the only professor I like. - I know.
00:22:45Mr. Jennings is a wonderful teacher.
00:22:50No, teaching's a way of paying the rent,
00:22:52until I finish my novel.
00:22:54How long you been working on it?
00:22:57Four and a half years.
00:22:59Must be very good.
00:23:01It's a piece of shit.
00:23:07Would anybody like to smoke some pot?
00:23:12You ever smoked before?
00:23:18When did you ever smoke pot?
00:23:21I've done a lot of things you don't know about.
00:24:09I won't go schizo, will I?
00:24:12There's a distinct possibility.
00:24:28Is this right?
00:24:31Just try not to drool quite so much on the end of it.
00:24:46Hey, hey, Paula
00:24:50I wanna marry you I wanna marry you
00:24:52Hey, hey, Paula Hey, hey, Paula
00:24:56Nobody else could ever do Nobody else could ever do
00:25:00You've waited You've waited so long
00:25:04For school to be through For school to get through
00:25:06Be through Get through, Paula
00:25:09I can't wait no more for you I can't wait no more for you
00:25:16So that means that our whole solar system
00:25:21could be like one tiny atom
00:25:25in the fingernail of some other giant being.
00:25:30(LAUGHING) This is too much.
00:25:32That means that
00:25:37one tiny atom in my fingernail could be. . .
00:25:40Could be one little tiny universe.
00:25:50Could I buy some pot from you?
00:26:26Give me that.
00:26:34Yeah, baby.
00:26:36Good baby, yes.
00:26:38It's all right. You stupid son of a. . .
00:26:45Dorfman, for God's sake, what kind of man hits a defenseless animal?
00:26:49I've got a good mind to smash your fat face.
00:26:53Yeah, but. . . Now listen up,
00:26:54you nauseating pile of blubber, your days are numbered here at Faber.
00:26:59You and all your sick Delta buddies.
00:27:01Meantime, your ass belongs to me.
00:27:05Now, drop and give me 20!
00:27:08Yes, but. . .
00:27:09Hit it!
00:27:12Oh, Trooper, baby. Baby, Trooper.
00:27:20Come here, baby. Come here. Yeah, baby, yeah. Come here.
00:27:24Yeah, cutie-pie, come on.
00:27:31I want these quarters standing tall by 0900 tomorrow.
00:27:35You got that?
00:27:36Yes, sir.
00:27:43Brother D-Day. Brother Bluto.
00:27:47Do you hate that ying-yang?
00:27:50Neidermeyer. You hate his guts, right?
00:27:53I guess so. You guess so?
00:27:55Yes, I hate him. I hate his guts.
00:27:57Good. Now, we have an old saying in Delta:
00:28:00Don't get mad. Get even.
00:28:02(WHISPERING) Now, what we're gonna do is. . .
00:28:51Nice horsey. Good. Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
00:29:00He's in there.
00:29:01Oh, boy, is this great?
00:29:05Now finish it, Flounder.
00:29:08Are you kidding?
00:29:09I never shot anything before in my life.
00:29:12I thought you hated Neidermeyer's guts.
00:29:14I do.
00:29:15And what about that horse? Is there anything in the world
00:29:17you hate as much as that horse?
00:29:21Get it over with, Kent.
00:29:33Just blanks, right? Right.
00:30:19What's going on?
00:30:24Holy shit!
00:30:26There were blanks in that gun.
00:30:28I didn't even point the gun at him.
00:30:30Holy shit!
00:30:32There were blanks in that gun!
00:30:34Maybe he had a heart attack.
00:30:35Holy shit!
00:30:52If you want the homecoming parade in my town, you have to pay.
00:30:57Carmine, I don't think it's right that you should extort money from the college.
00:31:05As the mayor of Faber, I've got big responsibilities.
00:31:09And these parades are very expensive.
00:31:11You're using my police,
00:31:13my sanitation people, my three Oldsmobiles.
00:31:17So, if you mention extortion again
00:31:21I'll have your legs broken.
00:31:25Well, I'm sure I can arrange a nice little honorarium from the student fund.
00:31:31And another thing,
00:31:34you better sit on that zoo fraternity of yours.
00:31:38I don't want no drunken riots in my town.
00:31:41Don't worry, Carmine. I've got those boys just where I want them.
00:31:45We'll have the best homecoming parade Faber's ever had.
00:32:20Mandy Pepperidge. Well, I haven't seen you since we. . .
00:32:22Go away.
00:32:23I'm sorry. I can only stay a minute.
00:32:26Let me buy you some lunch.
00:32:28Oh, you've got your lunch. Well, how about some milk then?
00:32:32You got your milk, too.
00:32:34Can I just massage your thighs while you eat?
00:32:37Do I have to leave?
00:32:39Is this any way to treat an intimate friend?
00:33:56I asked you never to speak to me again. Now will you go away?
00:34:09I do hope we're not interrupting anything, Mandy, honey.
00:34:13Well, if you must know. . .
00:34:14Eric was just leaving.
00:34:15No, I wasn't.
00:34:16I could make you leave if you ask me. . .
00:34:19Bluto! Hey, I think you know everybody here.
00:34:25Greg, really, can't you. . . No, don't worry.
00:34:27Just keep your hands and feet away from his mouth.
00:34:30Don't you have any respect for yourself?
00:34:35This is absolutely gross.
00:34:38That boy is a P-I-G. Pig.
00:34:45See if you can guess what I am now.
00:34:59I'm a zit. Get it?
00:35:01All right, you bastard, let's go. Right here.
00:35:07Come on, Blutarsky!
00:35:29Hey, why don't we go out tonight?
00:35:31Otter, don't flatter yourself. It wasn't that great.
00:35:40Food fight!
00:35:55MANDY: Oh, Greg. Look.
00:35:57It's a star. Look.
00:36:00Let's make a wish. Come on.
00:36:03Starlight, star bright. . .
00:36:06Hey, wait a minute. That's not a star.
00:36:08Oh. It's moving too fast.
00:36:11Probably a 707.
00:36:13Those babies really can move across the sky.
00:36:20Greg, is anything happening yet?
00:36:22My arm's kind of tired.
00:36:25I'm sorry, Mandy.
00:36:28It's just that thing with the Deltas. Has me a little distracted.
00:36:32I know.
00:36:33God knows how they've molested women.
00:36:42Maybe a little faster.
00:36:45Yeah. How's that?
00:36:46Yeah. Yeah?
00:36:48I'll bet that Eric Stratton's lucky he's not in jail.
00:36:52I'll say.
00:36:56You'll say what?
00:36:59I'll say what?
00:37:01You said, "I'll say," when I said that Eric Stratton should be put in jail.
00:37:04I'm trying to figure out. . . Darn it, Greg.
00:37:05If you're not even gonna try, I'm just gonna stop.
00:37:09Mandy, I. . .
00:37:27Good night, Greg.
00:37:29Good night, Mandy.
00:38:48Stop, stop, stop.
00:38:50Trying to steal your boyfriend? Her boyfriend.
00:38:54And not your boyfriend? Not my boyfriend.
00:38:56Speaking of boyfriends, Mandy, how was your date with Greg?
00:38:59Good night. ALL: Good night.
00:41:02That's it.
00:41:56She broke our date.
00:41:58Washing her hair.
00:41:59Dead mother.
00:42:01We're in trouble.
00:42:02I just checked with the guys at the Jewish house
00:42:04and they said that every one of our answers on the psych test were wrong.
00:42:07Every one?
00:42:11Those assholes must have stolen the wrong fucking exam.
00:42:19Oh, God, look what just creeped in.
00:42:22Well, well, well.
00:42:27Looks like somebody forgot there's a rule against alcoholic beverages
00:42:31in fraternities on probation.
00:42:33What a tool.
00:42:35I didn't get that, son. What was that?
00:42:36I said what a shame
00:42:39that a few bad apples have to spoil a good time for everyone
00:42:44by breaking the rules. Put a sock in it, boy
00:42:46or else you'll be out of here like shit through a goose.
00:42:49Yes, sir.
00:42:51Now, have you boys seen your grade point average, yet?
00:42:57Well, have you?
00:42:58I have, sir.
00:42:59I know it's a little below par. . .
00:43:01It's more than a little below par, Mr. Hoover.
00:43:04It stinks!
00:43:06It's the lowest on campus. It's the lowest in Faber history!
00:43:10Well, sir,
00:43:11we're hoping that our midterm grades will really help our average.
00:43:16Laugh now,
00:43:18because you clowns have been on double secret probation
00:43:22since the beginning of this semester.
00:43:25Double secret probation?
00:43:27And that means, one more slip-up,
00:43:30one more mistake,
00:43:32and this fraternity of yours has had it
00:43:36at Faber.
00:43:43Well, that was pleasant. Nice of him to stop by, don't you think?
00:43:45We've gotta do something. He's serious this time.
00:43:48I think he knows about the exams.
00:43:50He's right. You're right. We gotta do something.
00:43:53Absolutely. You know what we gotta do?
00:43:55Toga party. Toga party.
00:43:56We're on double secret probation, whatever that is.
00:43:59We can't afford to have a toga party.
00:44:01You guys up for a toga party?
00:44:02Toga! Toga!
00:44:04I think they like the idea, Hoov.
00:44:06Oh, Otter, please don't do this.
00:44:08I got news for you, pal. They're gonna nail us no matter what we do.
00:44:13So we might as well have a good time.
00:44:16Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga!
00:44:31It's not gonna be an orgy.
00:44:33It's a toga party.
00:44:36Honestly, Boon, you're 21 years old.
00:44:39In six months, you're gonna graduate,
00:44:40and tomorrow night you're gonna wrap yourself up in a bed sheet
00:44:42and pour grain alcohol all over your head.
00:44:46It's cute, but I think I'll pass this time.
00:44:48Want me to go alone?
00:44:50Baby, I don't want you to go at all.
00:44:54It's a fraternity party. I'm in the fraternity. How can I miss it?
00:44:59I'll write you a note. I'll say you're too well to attend.
00:45:05That's funny. Very funny.
00:45:15Where'd he get the wheels?
00:45:17From his brother. Yeah?
00:45:18He's letting him use it for a week or so.
00:45:20Flounder's bringing his girlfriend up for the weekend.
00:45:23Flounder, I am appointing you
00:45:26pledge representative to the social committee.
00:45:29Gee, Otter. Thanks. What do I have to do?
00:45:33It means you have to drive us to the Food King!
00:45:35Let's go. Let's go!
00:45:37Food King, Food King, Food King.
00:45:40Let's go. Food King, Food King, Food King!
00:45:50Otter, please.
00:46:01What are you doing?
00:46:03I'm fixing your sweater.
00:46:05There you go.
00:46:14Now, look. Stick by me, and keep your sweater closed.
00:46:19Hey, I could get in trouble.
00:46:20That's right. So, be cool.
00:46:34Mine's bigger than that.
00:46:37I beg your pardon?
00:46:38Oh, my cucumber. It's bigger.
00:46:44Vegetables can be really sensuous, don't you think?
00:46:50Vegetables are sensual.
00:46:53People are sensuous.
00:46:55Right. Sensual. That's what I meant.
00:46:59By the way, my name is Eric Stratton.
00:47:01They call me Otter.
00:47:03My name's Marion. They call me Mrs. Wormer.
00:47:07We have a Dean Wormer at Faber.
00:47:10What a coincidence.
00:47:12I have a husband named Dean Wormer at Faber.
00:47:18You still want to show me your cucumber?
00:47:27Nothing for me today, thanks.
00:47:31It looks like you gained some weight since you came in.
00:47:34It's just a prank. I'm pledging a fraternity.
00:47:37Don't sweat it, sweetie. I won't tell.
00:47:41Well, we're having a little party at the Delta Tau Chi house tonight
00:47:45and you are cordially invited.
00:47:49I'm old enough to be your mother. Almost.
00:47:53Besides, I have to go to the goddamn senior honors dinner tonight.
00:47:58Well, maybe some other time.
00:48:07So if you're not busy, you wanna go to a fraternity party?
00:48:10Will I be home by 12:00?
00:48:12Sure. Any time you want. I'll pick you up at. . .
00:48:15My dad would kill me if he knew I was going to a frat house.
00:48:19Is it okay if I meet you there?
00:48:20Is it okay?
00:48:22It's terrific!
00:48:32Well, girls, welcome to the Delta toga party. Come in.
00:48:36Here, let me take your coat.
00:48:40Great pair of togas.
00:48:42Hey, why don't you help yourself to some delicious Delta punch
00:48:45and I'll join you in a minute.
00:49:26Otter, this is Sissy, my steady girl, Sissy.
00:49:29- Sis, this is the guy I was telling you about. - Hi.
00:49:32Wow. You're even prettier than Kent said you were.
00:49:35What a great dress. Yeah.
00:49:38Listen, you two talk while I get some punch for us, okay?
00:49:41Good idea. All right.
00:49:43Kent's really a lucky guy. Why don't we go sit down somewhere?
00:49:54I gave my Iove a cherry
00:49:59That had no stone
00:50:04I gave my Iove a chicken
00:50:09That had no bones
00:50:13I gave my Iove a story
00:50:18That had no end
00:50:22I gave
00:50:40Hi. Hi.
00:50:41You look great. So do you.
00:50:48I had to wait until my folks went out.
00:50:51Get me some more punch.
00:50:55Thanks. Got a lot of catching up to do.
00:51:05You wanna dance?
00:51:06Huh? Do you wanna dance?
00:52:13Hey, Otis!
00:52:48Yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah!
00:54:50Mrs. Wormer, I'm so glad you could come.
00:54:52Cut the crap.
00:54:54Give me a drink.
00:55:02This is Hoover's room.
00:55:03Oh, yeah? It's neat.
00:57:45I think it's locked or something.
00:57:49Just a minute.
00:58:20Fuck her. Fuck her brains out.
00:58:24Suck her tits. Squeeze her buns. You know she wants it.
00:58:32For shame! Lawrence, I'm surprised at you!
00:58:37Don't listen to that jack-off. Look at those gazongas.
00:58:40You'll never get a better chance.
00:58:43If you lay one finger on that poor, sweet, helpless girl,
00:58:46you'll despise yourself forever!
00:58:53I'm proud of you, Lawrence.
00:58:56You homo.
00:59:37My fault?
00:59:39For Christ's sake, Carmine, how the hell could it be my fault?
00:59:42One of those goddamn fraternities, I guess.
00:59:45I don't know, but I got a pretty good goddamn idea which one!
00:59:51I'm gonna string them up by the balls! That's what I'm gonna do!
01:00:16I just bet it was that Eric Stratton.
01:00:19You know that for sure?
01:00:20Well, no, but, you'd be surprised at some of the girls he's had.
01:00:26Very surprised.
01:00:38Must've been some party.
01:00:41A new low. I'm so ashamed.
01:00:43Gee, I'm almost sorry I missed it.
01:00:45What'd you do? Human sacrifice?
01:00:47No, just some harmless fun. Buy me a dinner tonight?
01:00:53Can't tonight. Busy.
01:00:56Busy tonight?
01:01:21Please take your seats.
01:01:25This meeting of the disciplinary council will now come to order.
01:01:29We'll waive minutes and proceed directly with charges against Delta Tau Chi.
01:01:34Sergeant at Arms?
01:01:44The following charges are brought:
01:01:47First, that the Delta House did knowingly violate the rules
01:01:51on governing pledge recruitment
01:01:54by serving alcohol to freshmen during pledge week
01:01:57and after established drinking hours.
01:02:00I'd like to address these charges one at a time, if I may.
01:02:04You'll get your chance, smart guy.
01:02:06Now, get on with it.
01:02:08Second, that for the fifth consecutive semester,
01:02:12Delta has achieved a deficient aggregate grade point average.
01:02:16Half the houses on campus didn't make grades last year.
01:02:19You will speak when you're told to speak and not before! Read.
01:02:24Third, that the Delta fraternity routinely provided
01:02:28dangerous narcotic diet pills to its members during. . .
01:02:33That's not true!
01:02:34Not another word!
01:02:36During midterm examination week.
01:02:42And, most recently
01:02:45that a Roman toga party was held
01:02:49from which we have received
01:02:50two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion,
01:02:54so profound and disgusting
01:02:59that decorum prohibits listing them here.
01:03:03These are the charges as recorded this day 15 November, 1962.
01:03:09Faithfully submitted, Douglas C. Neidermeyer,
01:03:13Sergeant at Arms.
01:03:18Well done.
01:03:19Robert Hoover will speak on behalf of Delta House.
01:03:34I don't think you can fully judge a fraternity
01:03:36without looking at the positive qualities of the people in it.
01:03:40The Delta House has a long tradition of existence to its members
01:03:44and to the community at large.
01:03:46I think we've heard enough, Mr. Chairman.
01:03:49I was told I'd have a chance to. . .
01:03:50That's enough!
01:03:52The court will now render a decision.
01:03:53But, look, you said I could speak. . .
01:03:55He said, "That's it!"
01:03:56Are you deaf?
01:03:58Let's finish this damn thing.
01:04:00Blow job!
01:04:01(ALL COUGHING)
01:04:03Blow job.
01:04:06I don't think it's fair!
01:04:08I'll tell you what's fair and what's not!
01:04:10Eat me! Eat me! Eat me!
01:04:16Will you tell those assholes to shut up?
01:04:18Hey, shut up, you assholes!
01:04:21Mr. President, do we have to listen to any more of this?
01:04:24Point of parliamentary procedure.
01:04:26Don't screw around. They're serious this time.
01:04:28Take it easy. I'm in Pre-Law, man.
01:04:30I thought you're Pre-Med? What's the difference?
01:04:32Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief.
01:04:36What the hell do you think he's up to?
01:04:38The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules or
01:04:42took a few liberties with our female party guests.
01:04:45We did.
01:04:47But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible
01:04:51for the behavior of a few sick, perverted individuals.
01:04:56For if you do,
01:04:58then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system?
01:05:01And if the whole fraternity system is guilty,
01:05:06then isn't this an indictment
01:05:08of our educational institutions in general?
01:05:11(ALL AGREEING)
01:05:13I put it to you, Greg!
01:05:16Isn't this an indictment of our entire American society?
01:05:23Well, you can do what you want to us,
01:05:27but we are not going to sit here and listen to you
01:05:30badmouth the United States of America!
01:05:38MAN: Order!
01:05:40You're not walking out on this one, mister. You're finished.
01:05:45No more Delta!
01:05:48You bought it this time, buster!
01:05:51I am calling your national office!
01:05:55I am going to revoke your charter!
01:06:00And if you wise guys try one more thing, one more,
01:06:04I'm going to kick you out of this college!
01:06:06No more fun of any kind!
01:06:32When my father was in Korea, see, he wasn't a flyer.
01:06:34He was in the infantry, and he was an officer, of course.
01:06:40How does it feel to be an independent, Schoenstein?
01:06:43How does it feel to be an asshole, Neidermeyer?
01:06:47What did he say?
01:06:48Hoover says they won't even let us nter a float in the homecoming parade.
01:06:52Some stupid zombies get to ride a pile of Kleenex down the street?
01:06:56Hey, look!
01:07:02BLUTO: Goddamn son of a bitch!
01:07:03I'll kill you, you scumbag, jerk-off assholes!
01:07:08Jesus. What's going on?
01:07:10They confiscated everything, even the stuff we didn't steal.
01:07:15They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!
01:07:44Thanks. I needed that.
01:07:50Otter, this is ridiculous.
01:07:54What are we gonna do?
01:07:57Road trip. Road trip.
01:07:58But you can't take the car, Otter! Fred wrote the mileage down!
01:08:01He wants it back by Sunday. Please don't take the car!
01:08:04It's very important! He'll get very mad at me!
01:08:07Get in. You can't. . . No!
01:08:11But, Otter, don't you understand?
01:08:13He wants it back! Where'd you go?
01:08:15He wants it back by Sunday!
01:08:21Fred's gonna kill me! This car is expensive!
01:08:24(ALL YELLING)
01:08:30FLOUNDER: Please, I'm gonna get in trouble!
01:08:32We can have fun, but drive carefully.
01:08:34OTTER: We won't tell anybody that it happened.
01:08:37FLOUNDER: I hear Dickinson girls are fast.
01:08:39What should I say? I mean, how should I handle it?
01:08:41Just mention modern art, civil rights or folk music, and you're in like Flynn.
01:08:45You sure we have dates? Absolutely.
01:08:47Boon, what's this chick's name again?
01:08:52"Fawn Liebowitz."
01:08:54Fawn Liebowitz and she was from Fort Wayne, Indiana.
01:08:57I hope I score. Oh, boy. Oh, boy!
01:09:08Turn the car around. I'll be right back.
01:09:28Excuse me? Can I help you?
01:09:30Well, I'm here to pick up my date.
01:09:32Could you ring Fawn Liebowitz for me?
01:09:35Fawn Liebowitz?
01:09:38Just a minute.
01:09:42Hello, Shelly? This is Brunella at the desk. Could you come down here?
01:09:48Because a boy just came in to pick up Fawn, that's why.
01:09:51Thank you.
01:09:54Is she coming down?
01:09:55Her roommate is. Fawn isn't here. She. . .
01:10:00Would you excuse me a minute?
01:10:23Hi, I'm Shelly Dubinsky, Fawn's roommate.
01:10:26Hi, I'm Frank Lymon from Amherst, Fawn's fiancé.
01:10:29Her. . .
01:10:30Actually, we're engaged to be engaged.
01:10:34What's the matter with everyone around here?
01:10:37Why don't we sit down, Frank?
01:10:45I don't know how to tell you. So, I'm just gonna tell you.
01:10:51Fawn's dead.
01:10:53She's dead?
01:10:59Did she put you up to this? Oh, that minx. What a lively sense of humor.
01:11:06"Sophomore dies in kiln explosion."
01:11:12Oh, my God.
01:11:13I'm terribly, terribly sorry, Frank.
01:11:17I just talked to her last week.
01:11:21She was gonna make a pot for me.
01:11:24If there's anything I can do. . .
01:11:29You're so nice.
01:11:32I really shouldn't impose on you.
01:11:34No, really. Anything.
01:11:39I just don't think I should be alone tonight.
01:11:42Would. . .
01:11:45Would you go out with me?
01:11:48I'll get my coat.
01:11:53And, could you get three dates for my friends?
01:12:07BOON: Otter, holy shit!
01:12:08Otis Day and the Knights! I don't believe this!
01:12:13It feels so good to be back here at the Dexter Lake Club.
01:12:16We'd like to do for you now a tune entitled Shamalamma Ding Dong. So, hit it.
01:12:33Wait till Otis sees us! He loves us!
01:12:39Oh, my God! It's dented. It's dented!
01:12:48It's dented.
01:12:53(MUSIC STOPS)
01:12:59We are gonna die.
01:13:02Boon, we're the only white people here.
01:13:32You sure it's. . . Don't worry about a thing, man.
01:13:42A double rock 'n' rye and seven Carlings.
01:13:50Otis! My man!
01:14:09You girls come here often?
01:14:13Frank, are you all right?
01:14:17Yeah. This is really fun.
01:14:50I'm really sorry, Frank.
01:14:54I know what you must be going through.
01:15:02Would you rather be alone?
01:15:20- So, what are you majoring in? - What?
01:15:23- What are you majoring in? - Primitive cultures.
01:15:32I need you so much.
01:15:38I'm here, Frank, I'm here.
01:15:45Move to your left a little.
01:15:59Where do you go to school?
01:16:04I wonder where Otter is.
01:16:05Maybe I should go outside and look for him.
01:16:12I used to touch Fawn this way.
01:16:17I know. She told me.
01:16:21She did?
01:16:50Do you mind if we dance with your dates?
01:16:55Why, no, not at all. Go right ahead.
01:17:10If I was in your shoes, I'd be. . .
01:17:13Leaving. What a good idea.
01:17:15(ALL YELLING)
01:17:21Wait a minute! Hold it.
01:17:23BOON: Compose yourself, Otter. We got to get out of here!
01:17:28The Negroes took our dates!
01:17:31Oh, my God, Boon! Please be careful!
01:17:34Be careful! That's gonna cost hundreds of dollars to fix!
01:17:41FLOUNDER: Oh, my God!
01:17:44OTTER: We're out!
01:17:46(ALL WHOOPING)
01:17:53What baffles me is why Fawn would have gone out with boys like that.
01:17:57They reminded me of criminals. They were horrible.
01:18:00Well, I don't know, I think Frank was kind of cute.
01:18:04Well, I really felt sorry for him.
01:18:08He started crying and. . .
01:18:30What'd Katy say?
01:18:31She wasn't home.
01:18:33Where could she be at 6:00 a.m.?
01:18:35What is with you two?
01:18:37I don't know. Something's wrong.
01:18:40Women. Can't live with them, can't live without them.
01:18:49Hey, you know where Mandy is?
01:18:51She was supposed to come over to help make teeth.
01:18:54Sure don't, Greg. She said she was just gonna wash her hair.
01:18:58That's typical, just when we're doing something important.
01:19:04Greg, I hate to see her make such a chump out of you.
01:19:10What are you saying?
01:19:13I'm saying that Mandy and Eric Stratton are having an affair.
01:19:19But, I love you, Greg. That's why I had to tell you.
01:19:31Babs, I want you to do something for me.
01:19:48I'm out of here. Katy?
01:19:50Yeah? Good luck.
01:20:38Stop blubbering.
01:20:40When I get through with this thing, you won't even recognize it.
01:20:43Come on. Flounder.
01:20:46You can't spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes.
01:20:49You fucked up. You trusted us.
01:20:52Hey, make the best of it. Maybe we can help you.
01:20:55That's easy for you to say! What am I gonna tell Fred?
01:21:01I'll tell you what.
01:21:03I'll swear you were doing a great job taking care of his car,
01:21:07but you parked it out back last night and this morning, it was gone.
01:21:12D-Day takes care of the wreck! We report it to the police.
01:21:16Your brother's insurance company buys him a new car.
01:21:23Will that work?
01:21:24It's got to work better than the truth.
01:21:28My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
01:21:33You'd better listen to him, Flounder. He's in Pre-Med.
01:21:39There you go now, just leave everything to me.
01:21:55Hi, Katy.
01:22:01I missed you.
01:22:03- Boon, I was gonna try and call you. . . MAN: Where are they, Katy?
01:22:11Boon, I don't know what to say.
01:22:16(DOOR SLAMMING) Boon, wait!
01:22:19Shit. Must be in the kitchen.
01:22:25What's the matter?
01:22:34Yeah, there they are.
01:22:38Are you sure, Babs? Why would Mandy want to see me?
01:22:41Well, I'm sure I don't know, Otter. You'll just have to ask her,
01:22:45as soon as you can get there.
01:22:49Well, do you know the Rainbow Motel on Old Mill Road?
01:22:56Thank you. Thank you very much.
01:23:07Did you get the grade reports on the Deltas yet?
01:23:10Yes, I have it right here.
01:23:14Why didn't you tell me?
01:23:27Good, good, good.
01:23:49It's Mr. Thoughtful with a dozen roses for you.
01:23:55One, two, three, four, five.
01:23:58Well, looks like we're gonna be a couple of flowers short,
01:24:01so some of you boys are gonna have to. . .
01:24:06Where are the other two? Stratton and Schoenstein?
01:24:11We looked everywhere, sir, but. . .
01:24:13Never mind, it doesn't matter.
01:24:16You gentlemen seen your midterm grades yet?
01:24:19Well, they're not posted yet, sir.
01:24:21I've seen them.
01:24:24Mr. Kroger, two C's, two D's, and an F.
01:24:29That's a 1.2 grade average.
01:24:31Congratulations, Kroger, you're at the top of the Delta pledge class.
01:24:37Mr. Dorfman.
01:24:44Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
01:24:49Mr. Hoover, president of Delta House, 1.6.
01:24:54Four C's and an F, a fine example you set.
01:24:58Daniel Simpson Day has no grade point average.
01:25:03All courses incomplete.
01:25:06Mister. . .
01:25:11Mr. Blutarsky.
01:25:21Now, I want you to tell Mr. Stratton and Mr. Schoenstein
01:25:24exactly what I'm about to tell you now.
01:25:26What's that, sir?
01:25:27You're out. Finished at Faber. Expelled.
01:25:30I want you off this campus at 9:00 Monday morning!
01:25:35And I'm sure you'll be happy to know
01:25:39that I have notified your local draft boards
01:25:42and told them that you are now all. . .
01:25:46All eligible for military service.
01:26:03Out with it.
01:26:18Relax, Greg, honey.
01:26:20You know, I know, everybody knows that Otter certainly had it coming.
01:26:26I don't think the Deltas will be giving us any more trouble.
01:26:32Greg, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?
01:26:42Seven years of college down the drain.
01:26:46Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.
01:26:49My mother's gonna kill me.
01:26:52I knew it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.
01:26:58I can't believe I threw up in front of Dean Wormer.
01:27:02Face it, Kent. You threw up on Dean Wormer.
01:27:06(DOOR CLOSING)
01:27:24Jesus Christ. What happened? You look grotesque.
01:27:28Some of the Omegas did a little dance on my face.
01:27:32Who was it?
01:27:36It was Greggie and Dougie and some of the other Hitler youth.
01:27:40Why, what'd you do?
01:27:43I don't know. They're just animals, I guess.
01:27:50Looks like I missed something.
01:27:52Yeah, you did.
01:27:54We're all officially kicked out of school.
01:27:56Wormer just got our grades.
01:27:59They kicked us out of school? That makes sense.
01:28:04Hey! What's this lying around shit?
01:28:08What the hell are we supposed to do, you moron?
01:28:10War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one.
01:28:13What? Over? Did you say, "over"?
01:28:18Nothing is over until we decide it is!
01:28:20Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
01:28:24- Hell, no! - Germans?
01:28:26Forget it, he's rolling.
01:28:27And it ain't over now
01:28:30because when the going gets tough,
01:28:39the tough get going!
01:28:41Who's with me? Let's go! Come on!
01:28:58What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know?
01:29:02Where's the spirit?
01:29:05Where's the guts, huh?
01:29:10This could be the greatest night of our lives,
01:29:14but you're gonna let it be the worst.
01:29:17"We're afraid to go with you, Bluto. We might get in trouble."
01:29:21Well, just kiss my ass from now on!
01:29:24Not me! I'm not gonna take this!
01:29:27Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead!
01:29:32- Neidermeyer? - Dead.
01:29:35Bluto's right.
01:29:37Psychotic, but absolutely right.
01:29:42We got to take these bastards.
01:29:46Now, we could fight them with conventional weapons,
01:29:51but that could take years and cost millions of lives.
01:29:55No, no, no.
01:29:58No. In this case, I think we have to go all out.
01:30:04I think this situation absolutely requires
01:30:08a really futile and stupid gesture
01:30:13be done on somebody's part.
01:30:15We're just the guys to do it.
01:30:23Let's do it. Let's do it!
01:30:29Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
01:31:22Tommy? Tommy?
01:31:26Hi. Hi.
01:31:29I'm Larry. Remember me, I took you to the party?
01:31:33Wait a minute.
01:31:41(DOOR OPENING)
01:31:44So, how come you show up now? I didn't expect to see you.
01:31:47Well, I never got a chance to say good night to you after the party.
01:31:51No kidding. They almost pumped my stomach.
01:31:53Look, is it okay if we go for a walk or something?
01:31:56What do you mean, "or something?"
01:31:58Well, I could get some beer.
01:32:00No, not tonight, okay? Besides, you might get lucky without it.
01:32:11Before we go any further, there's something I have to tell you.
01:32:15I lied to you, I've never done this before.
01:32:18You've never made out with a girl before?
01:32:20No. No, I mean,
01:32:22I've never done what I think we're gonna do in a minute.
01:32:24I sort of did once, but I was. . .
01:32:25That's okay, Larry, neither have I.
01:32:30And besides, I lied to you, too.
01:32:33Oh, yeah? What about?
01:32:35I'm only 13.
01:32:43Hi, there.
01:32:47Yes, well, marvelous day. Yes.
01:32:49Excuse me. Excuse me, please. Pardon me. Excuse me, please.
01:32:52Excuse me. Excuse me. Okay, kid, off that mailbox.
01:32:56That's government property. Come on, let's go. Move, move it.
01:33:01Excuse me, please. Would you hold this?
01:33:07Thank you very much.
01:33:11Excuse me.
01:33:12My kid can't see. Is it all right if he stands in front of you?
01:33:25Hoover! Hoover!
01:33:29Hoover, where's Boon?
01:33:31Katy, I don't think you should stay around here.
01:33:35What're you talking about?
01:33:39We all got expelled last night.
01:33:41What? Why?
01:33:45Where's Boon? Katy, listen to me.
01:33:48I think you'd be glad later if you weren't here now.
01:34:04May I have 10,000 marbles, please?
01:34:13It gives me great pIeasure
01:34:15to present this ceremonial gold-pIated whistIe
01:34:21to this year's Honorary Grand Marshal
01:34:25Dean Vernon Wormer.
01:34:34Mr. Marshal, the streets of Faber are yours.
01:34:39Thank you, Mr. Mayor.
01:35:16Let's go.
01:35:53Sequence! Hut!
01:35:56CADETS: Faber!
01:35:59Faber! Faber!
01:37:48Thank you, God!
01:37:54Say, those guys are coming pretty fast.
01:38:15What the fuck's going on down there? I don't know.
01:38:20Let's stop this now. Charge!
01:38:36Get up, you faggots! Get up and charge!
01:38:39Stand up and fight for Christ's sake!
01:38:50Faggots! Faggots!
01:39:05Remain calm. All is well.
01:39:29Cut the cake.
01:39:57Oh, my God.
01:40:26Let's take the cheese.
01:40:32I hate those guys.
01:40:42Ramming speed!
01:40:57Oh, boy, is this great!
01:41:04All is well!
01:41:07You can take your thumb out of my ass any time now, Carmine.
01:41:11Remain. . .
01:41:22This may seem an inopportune moment to ask, Dean Wormer,
01:41:25but do you think you could see your way clear to giving us just one more chance?
01:41:39Daddy! Mom, Dad,
01:41:42this is Larry Kroger, the boy who molested me last month.
01:41:46We have to get married.
01:41:47We should discuss this some other time, sir.
01:41:49I know that you're very busy. . .
01:42:02Come out of there!
01:42:08Come out of there, you bastards!
01:42:10OTTER: (IN FALSETTO) Who is it?
01:42:11You know damn well who it is!
01:42:13I'm sorry, you'll have to come back later, I'm doing the dishes.
01:42:25Greg, look at my thumb.
01:42:29Gee, you're dumb.
01:42:52Excuse me! Pardon me! Pardon me!
01:43:11Hey, Neidermeyer!
01:43:53Don't you guys think you've had enough?
01:43:56Okay, okay! Now, I'm really mad!
01:43:59Now, you've had it! Officers, officers, please!
01:44:02For God's sake, please! They're looting the Food King!
01:44:06Come back and fight!
01:44:11No prisoners!

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