|00:00:04||MAN: I don't have custody of the kids
I don't get custody.|
|00:00:07||WOMAN: It is pathetic
what I've had to go through|
|00:00:09||MAN: Right now, she doesn't know
where the kids are.|
Do not talk about me as a mother|
Are they home?|
|00:00:13||WOMAN: I'm so sick to death of you
talking about me as a mother.|
|00:00:16||MAN: They're probably
at a firehouse somewhere|
Do not talk about that.|
|00:00:19||I'm sick of you accusing me
of not being a good mother.|
|00:00:21||MAN: Are they home?
WOMAN: I've been a good mother!|
|00:00:23||MAN: A perfect mother?
I can't have custody.|
|00:00:25||WOMAN: Just remember how you...
MAN: Right now.|
|00:00:27||Where is Tim right now?|
Don't you talk about me being a mother.|
|00:00:29||- I hate you!
MAN: Hey, I got an idea.|
|00:00:31||Why don't you just kiss my left nut?|
|00:00:34||- I told you this was a bad idea.
JEREMY: You know what, Ken?|
|00:00:36||A bad idea would be to let your client
walk out of here today...|
|00:00:39||and drag this thing out for another
year, wasting more time and more money.|
|00:00:43||The only good idea is to let
me and John do our job...|
|00:00:46||and mediate this thing right here.|
|00:00:47||You wanna hear the crazy thing?|
|00:00:49||I know it doesn't feel like it,
but we're making progress.|
- We settled the deal with the cars.|
|00:00:54||That takes us to frequent-flyer miles.
|00:00:57||KROEGER: Those are mine.
- I want them.|
|00:00:58||We're gonna split them
right down the middle.|
|00:01:00||How'd that be, Mr. Kroeger?|
|00:01:02||It would be not good at all.
I earned those miles.|
|00:01:05||Yeah, you earned them flying to Denver
to meet your whore.|
|00:01:09||Well, she's not afraid
to express herself sexually.|
|00:01:11||She is a stripper, for God's sake!|
|00:01:13||- She is not.
- Her name is Chastity.|
|00:01:16||She is white trash. Same as you.|
|00:01:20||That's it, go comatose for me, baby.|
|00:01:23||You shut your mouth
when you're talking to me.|
|00:01:26||Hold it. This is getting confusing.|
|00:01:29||You didn't always hate each other.|
|00:01:31||There had to be nice moments,
during the courtship, maybe?|
|00:01:33||- Or the wedding?
- The wedding had to be fun.|
|00:01:36||- You have your families.
- Your decorations.|
|00:01:38||Families coming together.
That's a nice moment.|
|00:01:40||- What'd you have to eat?
- Crab cakes.|
|00:01:42||Are you kidding me?
How could you not have a good time?|
|00:01:45||- I love them. They're phenomenal.
- And did you have a band?|
JOHN: Good or bad?|
|00:01:50||Who gives a shit? It's a great band,
a bad band, it's like pizza, baby.|
|00:01:53||It's good no matter what. There's music!|
|00:01:54||You get them playing "Shout"
and you hate it.|
|00:01:57||[SINGING THE ISLEY BROTHERS'
It's a good time, know what I mean?|
|00:02:03||Rubbing up against each other,
a couple of kids who like to fuck...|
|00:02:06||trying to make it honest. I get it.|
|00:02:08||Guys, the real enemy here
is the institution of marriage.|
|00:02:12||It's not realistic, it's crazy.|
|00:02:14||Don't do this for the other person.|
|00:02:16||- Say yes to yourself and your future.
- Say yes.|
|00:02:18||Have some opportunities for yourself.
I'm sure you'd love to be free...|
|00:02:22||maybe go out and meet some
Latin guy that can dance...|
|00:02:24||grind up on you,
make you feel dangerous but also safe.|
|00:02:28||And you? Don't you wanna
get inside Chastity...|
|00:02:30||without wondering if anyone's
gonna find out?|
|00:02:32||JOHN: Wouldn't that be sweet?
JEREMY: Wouldn't that be nice?|
|00:02:34||And have some Latin guy
sweating all over you...|
|00:02:36||talking to you in languages
you don't understand...|
|00:02:38||needing you, wanting you, taking you?|
|00:02:40||All we're trying to say is...|
|00:02:43||put your swords away for a second.|
|00:02:45||Let's finish this and let's move on.|
|00:02:48||Get out there and get some strange ass.|
|00:02:51||Could you give her a glass of water
so she can take that?|
|00:02:58||Hey, John, that's weird.
That glass looks half full to me.|
|00:03:02||Wow, now that you mention it,
it is half full.|
|00:03:08||He can have the miles.|
|00:03:10||No, sweetie, you take the miles.|
|00:03:14||Great. Great! Let's sign the paperwork
and we are done.|
|00:03:17||This is just semantics. You guys
wanna throw a couple miles at us...|
|00:03:20||we'll take a couple. The big thing is
that we're all moving on.|
|00:03:23||Could you two just not talk anymore?|
|00:03:39||Oh, good, you got it.
Is it 1 00 percent goose down?|
|00:03:42||- Yes. Why do you need this?
- Are you sure?|
|00:03:44||I sleep over at John's house
every year for his birthday.|
|00:03:46||Okay, that's not creepy.|
|00:03:49||I guess it is a little creepy...|
|00:03:50||when a young man
who happens to be an only child...|
|00:03:53||loses both of his parents in a tragic
accident one month before his birthday...|
|00:03:58||and then has a best friend
make a vow...|
|00:04:00||that he will never spend
his birthday alone again.|
|00:04:03||Maybe that would fall under
the category of creepy.|
|00:04:06||Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.|
|00:04:09||- That's okay.
- No, you're really sweet.|
|00:04:11||I've got the perfect girl for you.|
|00:04:14||Janice, I apologize to you
if I don't seem real eager...|
|00:04:16||to jump into a forced,
awkward intimate situation...|
|00:04:20||that people like to call dating.
I don't like the feeling.|
"Do I have food on my face? Am I eating?|
|00:04:25||Am I talking too much?
Are they talking enough?|
|00:04:27||Should I play like I'm interested?
I'm not that interested.|
|00:04:29||She might be interested.
Do I want to be interested?|
|00:04:32||Now she's not interested. So now, all
of sudden, I'm starting to get interested."|
|00:04:35||When am I supposed to kiss her?
Do I wait for the door?|
|00:04:37||Then it's awkward. It's like, "Good night."
Do you do the ass-out hug?|
|00:04:40||Where you, like,
hug each other like this...|
|00:04:42||and the ass sticks out because
you're trying not to get too close.|
|00:04:44||Do you kiss them on the lips?
Or don't kiss them at all?|
|00:04:47||It's very difficult to read the situation.|
|00:04:49||All the while you're wondering,
"Are we gonna get hopped up enough...|
|00:04:52||to make some bad decisions?"|
|00:04:53||And perhaps play a little game called
Just the Tip.|
|00:04:55||Just for a second,
just to see how it feels.|
|00:04:57||Or Ouch, Ouch, You're on My Hair.|
|00:05:01||Okay, can you...? Can you put that
so he can't see it? And thank you.|
|00:05:05||Hey, Janice. Great talk.|
|00:05:11||I gotta see you right away,
|00:05:15||What's going on?|
|00:05:19||We got three really
big weeks ahead of us.|
|00:05:22||- It's wedding season, kid.
- You sandbagging son of a bitch.|
|00:05:25||I got us down for 1 7 of them already.|
|00:05:27||Okay, how many are cash bars?|
|00:05:29||Great question, love where your head's at,
and two of them actually are.|
|00:05:32||But I got us covered.|
|00:05:36||Purple Hearts. We won't have
to pay for a drink all night.|
|00:05:38||Oh, yeah. Perfect.|
|00:05:40||We are gonna have tons of opportunities
to meet gorgeous ladies...|
|00:05:43||that are so aroused by marriage, they'll
throw their inhibitions to the wind.|
|00:05:46||Who's gonna be there to catch them?|
|00:05:48||Grab that net and catch that
beautiful butterfly, pal.|
|00:05:50||What do you like better?
Christmas or wedding season?|
|00:05:53||- Mr. Grey.
- Yes, um, the answer would be...|
|00:05:57||Bingo. I'm gonna go get my suit.
Oh, now, who are we this time?|
|00:06:07||Hey, Lou Epstein, I want you to meet
a real mensch, Chuck Schwartz.|
|00:06:19||And as we carry on the tradition
of thousands of years...|
|00:06:23||we honor the eternal bond...|
|00:06:25||that stretches through the ages.|
|00:06:28||I have known this couple
for many years.|
|00:06:31||Deborah I've actually known
for her entire life.|
|00:06:35||I was at her house when her parents
brought her home from the hospital...|
|00:06:39||and I was there the day
she graduated from medical school.|
|00:06:43||Josh I have known
since his bar mitzvah...|
|00:06:46||which those of you who were there
know it was not a very pretty sight.|
|00:06:52||But he has pulled himself
|00:06:55||and he's grown into a remarkable
young man himself.|
RABBI: He never got the courage...|
|00:07:01||to ask her out, until 1 0 years later,
Josh was in the emergency room...|
|00:07:07||and he saw Deborah again...|
|00:07:09||- ...and he said to himself:
- [WHISPERING] Hi.|
|00:07:11||RABBI: "Wait. That's the girl
I'm going to marry."|
|00:07:14||I now pronounce you man and wife.|
|00:07:22||Mazel tov, baby! From my family
to yours, mazel tov. Beautiful.|
|00:07:26||[PLAYING "HAVA NAGILA"]|
|00:07:33||[SINGING "HAVA NAGILA"]|
|00:07:41||Oh, my yarmulke fell off!|
|00:07:42||You sly son of a bitch.|
|00:07:49||[SINGING "HAVA NAGILA"]|
|00:07:52||Does anyone know what
this here is used for?|
|00:07:55||- Rolling a fatty.
- No, not for... Where'd you learn that?|
|00:07:58||You want to get a whole combination.|
|00:08:00||Get the frostings in the middle
and the end.|
|00:08:04||That's it, that's it, that's it! Come on!|
|00:08:07||You both look beautiful up there today,
particularly Debbie in that white dress.|
|00:08:12||Enjoy it. After tomorrow, I don't think
you're gonna be able to get away...|
|00:08:15||with wearing a white dress.|
|00:08:18||Here, I'll just pick this off,
I'll go grab another piece. That's it.|
|00:08:24||[CHILDREN GASPING AND OOHING]|
|00:08:27||In the words of the old country....|
|00:08:28||[SPEAKS IN HEBREW]|
|00:08:29||[ALL SPEAK IN HEBREW]|
|00:08:31||[BAND PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]|
|00:08:43||I want you to take this note
to that blond girl.|
|00:08:45||Hurry, because I'm gonna time you. Go!|
|00:08:52||Who gave this to you?|
|00:08:56||[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]|
|00:08:57||You know, I saw you at the wedding.|
- You were crying.|
|00:09:01||Oh, shit. You weren't supposed to see that.
Now you probably think I'm a big pussy.|
|00:09:05||No, you were so sweet. Come here.|
|00:09:09||Look, I knew I was never gonna be
a professional bullfighter...|
|00:09:12||- ...but that's not why I did it.
- Weren't you scared?|
|00:09:15||Can I say yes?|
|00:09:28||- Sanjay Collins.
- Chuck Vindaloo.|
|00:09:30||Excited to be here.|
|00:09:32||- Shamus O'Toole.
- Bobby O'Shea.|
|00:09:34||- I'm ready to get drunk.
- Ha, ha.|
|00:09:36||[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]|
|00:09:39||- Who is that?
- Ah, him.|
|00:09:42||I think that's his kid Leonard.
Who is that?|
|00:09:47||That's Luigi and Gina's son Christopher.
You know, the banker.|
|00:09:51||Oh, that's Mae Lin's adopted son Benny,
|00:09:55||- The French Foreign Legion?
|00:09:58||We lost a lot of good men out there.|
|00:10:01||Wow, really? Mount Everest?|
|00:10:04||I just don't like to talk about it because
we lost so many good men out there.|
|00:10:09||Lost so many good men out there.|
Playing with the Yankees?|
|00:10:14||Yes, with the Yankees.|
|00:10:16||You lose good men
to trades and unruly fans.|
|00:10:19||I... Look, I don't want
to talk about it, I'm sorry.|
|00:10:24||It's just a matter
of trying to get it down.|
|00:10:26||Tattoo on the lower back.
Might as well be a bull's-eye.|
|00:10:30||You know how they say
we only use 1 0 percent of our brains?|
|00:10:35||I think we only use 1 0 percent
of our hearts.|
|00:10:38||I feel so tiny in your arms.|
|00:10:41||Really? How tall are you?|
|00:10:44||I'm 6'5", but I feel like I'm 4 feet.|
|00:10:48||And some poetry,
courtesy of Sarah McLachlan.|
|00:10:58||[THE ISLEY BROTHERS' "SHOUT"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]|
|00:11:31||All right, let's go, let's go,
let's make a memory!|
|00:11:34||What are you gonna do for an encore?
Walk on water?|
|00:11:37||Great guy. He brung me along too.|
|00:11:43||- Jesus. Come on. You ruined it.
JOHN: Come on. Get in there.|
|00:11:46||You butchered the whole damn cake!
You don't treat cake like that.|
|00:11:50||- You gotta treat cake like a lady.
- Look at that.|
|00:11:52||Oh, I meant in front of all of them.|
|00:12:00||And then everyone said, "Jabroni!"|
|00:12:05||Jabroni! This fucking guy, unbelievable!|
|00:12:08||Pop it in.|
|00:12:12||Now spread it around on each other.|
|00:12:13||We need a picture of this.
|00:12:15||[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]|
|00:12:20||Time to party! Time to party!|
|00:12:23||Come on, get a picture,
get a picture, get a picture.|
|00:13:50||[LAUGHING AND MOANING]|
|00:13:55||Oh, no, no.|
|00:13:56||Oh, I'm sorry.|
|00:13:58||Sarah, I feel like I don't even know you.|
|00:14:07||Would you say you're completely
full of shit or just 50 percent?|
|00:14:12||I hope just 50, but who knows?|
Bet that blond was a real shot of life.|
|00:14:35||Yeah, real shot.|
|00:14:39||You don't think we're being...|
|00:14:41||I don't wanna say sleazy,
because that's not the right word...|
|00:14:44||but a little irresponsible?
I mean, you know?|
|00:14:49||One day, you'll look back
on all this and laugh...|
|00:14:52||say we were young and stupid.|
|00:14:55||A couple of dumb kids running around.|
|00:14:59||We're not that young.|
|00:15:16||Hell of a season, pal.|
Hell of a season.|
|00:15:27||Oh, baba ganoush.|
|00:15:29||What do we got?|
|00:15:32||Christmas come early.|
|00:15:34||JOHN: Secretary Cleary?
JEREMY: Secretary of the treasury.|
|00:15:37||The guy you loved since business school.
Don't thank me.|
|00:15:40||I don't know.
I thought the season was over.|
|00:15:42||I was looking forward to
taking a break for a little bit.|
|00:15:45||John, what are you talking about?
This is the Kentucky Derby of weddings.|
|00:15:48||It's the Clearys.
They're an American institution.|
|00:15:50||Pal, there's gonna be
over 200 single women at this wedding.|
|00:15:54||Not to mention,
they got three live bands...|
|00:15:56||they got oysters, snacks,
phenomenal finger food.|
|00:15:59||I'm tired, okay? My feet hurt.
My voice is hoarse.|
|00:16:03||Oh, please don't take
a turn to negative town.|
|00:16:05||What? Who's getting negative?|
|00:16:07||At the Buckner nuptials you were
sitting and sulking in the corner.|
|00:16:10||I wasn't sulking. I twisted my ankle.|
|00:16:12||Rule number 6:
Do not sit in the corner and sulk.|
|00:16:15||It draws attention to you
in a negative way.|
|00:16:18||Draw attention to yourself,
but on your own terms.|
|00:16:20||Don't quote the rules to me,
I know them.|
|00:16:22||When Chazz Reinhold passed the sacred
rules of wedding crashing onto us...|
|00:16:26||1 2 years ago, he gave us a legacy.|
|00:16:29||You make it sound like a cult.|
|00:16:31||From everything you told me
about him, he sounds like a kook.|
|00:16:33||You bite your tongue.
Chazz Reinhold is not a kook.|
|00:16:36||He is a brave and a decent man.
He is a pioneer.|
|00:16:39||He lived with his mother till he was 40.
She tried to poison his oatmeal.|
Erroneous on both counts.|
|00:16:46||- Oh, Lord. Here we go again.
- What you should be worried about...|
|00:16:49||is not Chazz Reinhold,
who's in the hall of fame.|
|00:16:52||What you should be worried about
is you're getting sloppy.|
|00:16:54||Now, if you sit there
and expect me to go out on a limb...|
|00:16:58||and try to pull off
the greatest crash of all time...|
|00:17:01||I gotta know that your head's right.|
|00:17:05||There is no room for error.|
|00:17:07||Secret Service. Consequences.|
|00:17:11||I love your enthusiasm.|
|00:17:13||If I do this, I don't wanna half-ass it.|
|00:17:16||I want it well planned.|
|00:17:20||All right, partner.
We'll start scheming tonight, okay?|
|00:17:22||- Sounds good. Okay.
- If you need me, I'll be on line six.|
|00:17:30||Could be fun.|
|00:17:44||KATHLEEN: Mr. Senator. Thank you.
- Congratulations, Kathleen.|
|00:17:47||- Bill, congratulations.
- Thank you, senator.|
|00:17:49||Secretary, they just grow up
so damn fast.|
|00:17:51||That's the truth, yeah.|
|00:17:52||- Okay. Let's do our pregame.
- What do you got?|
|00:17:57||Articles on Secretary Cleary's
|00:18:00||There's also a roster of key family
members, a glossary, sailing terms.|
- Sailing's like sex to these people.|
|00:18:06||- They love it.
- Harvard, Kennedy School of Government.|
|00:18:09||Mom's big with charities,
blah, blah, blah.|
|00:18:11||Three daughters, one son.|
|00:18:13||- I get it. Good work.
|00:18:31||Let me see that again, please.|
|00:18:35||Okay, what's our back-story?|
|00:18:37||We're brothers from New Hampshire,
we're venture capitalists.|
I'm sick of that.|
|00:18:43||Let's be from Vermont, and let's have
an emerging maple-syrup conglomerate.|
|00:18:47||Wait, that's stupid. We don't know
anything about maple syrup.|
|00:18:49||I know everything there is
to know about maple syrup.|
|00:18:51||I love maple syrup.
I love maple syrup on pancakes.|
|00:18:54||I love it on pizza.
I put a little bit in my hair...|
|00:18:56||when I've had a rough week.
What do you think holds it up, slick?|
|00:18:59||The first quarter of the big game
and you wanna toss up a Hail Mary.|
|00:19:02||I'd like to be pimps from Oakland
or cowboys from Arizona...|
|00:19:04||but it's not Halloween.
Grow up, Peter Pan. Count Chocula.|
|00:19:08||Look, we've been to a million weddings.|
|00:19:10||And guess what.
We've rocked them all.|
|00:19:21||- [WHISPERING] The Eagle has landed.
JEREMY: The big show.|
|00:19:23||Hey, hey. Fifth row back
with the fancy hat.|
|00:19:27||I like that.|
|00:19:29||No, don't waste your time on girls
with hats, they tend to be very proper.|
|00:19:35||The proper girl in the hat
just eye-fucked the shit out of me.|
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.|
|00:19:42||Why don't you say it a little louder?
I don't think the priest heard you.|
I'm sorry I'm not sorry, okay?|
|00:19:49||I'm not gonna apologize.
I'm a cocksman.|
- Frank Myers.|
Say hello to my brother, Jeremy.|
- How are you?|
|00:19:59||So, um, how do you know the groom?|
|00:20:02||We are Uncle Ned's kids.|
|00:20:06||- Is he Liz's brother?
- Uncle Ned, the brother of Aunt Liz.|
|00:20:10||How is everybody?|
|00:20:12||Well, Dad kind of putters
around the house.|
|00:20:14||Aunt Liz sends her best.
She couldn't make it.|
|00:20:17||Yeah, I know.|
|00:20:22||From the grave.|
|00:20:24||She sends her best from the grave.|
|00:20:26||We've become extremely spiritual...|
|00:20:28||- ...ever since she passed.
- I see.|
|00:20:31||But thank you so much
for your kindness, brother.|
|00:20:33||Lord knows we need family now
more than ever.|
|00:20:35||- Well, you're welcome.
JEREMY: Thank you.|
|00:20:39||[PACHELBEL'S "CANON IN D"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]|
|00:20:41||How many times are you
gonna do this shit?|
|00:20:43||Rule number 32:
You don't commit to a relative...|
|00:20:46||unless you're absolutely positive
that they have a pulse.|
|00:20:48||Rule 1 6:
Give me an up-to-date family tree.|
You made me look like an idiot.|
|00:20:53||Rule number 76:
No excuses, play like a champion.|
- She's all yours.|
|00:21:16||I ain't gonna fight you.|
|00:21:18||[WAGNER'S "BRIDAL CHORUS"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]|
|00:21:41||I think we've got a crier.|
|00:21:43||- No shot.
- Twenty bucks.|
|00:21:46||- Make it 40.
|00:21:52||Oh, are you kidding me?|
It's moving. It's a wedding.|
|00:21:56||And now for our next reading, I'd like
to ask the bride's sister Gloria...|
|00:22:02||up to the lectern.|
|00:22:05||Twenty bucks, 1 Corinthians.|
|00:22:06||Double or nothing, Colossians 3: 1 2.|
|00:22:11||And now a reading from
Paul's First Letter to the Corinthians.|
|00:22:15||"Love is patient, love is kind."|
|00:22:19||As you all know, Craig and Christina...|
|00:22:22||are quite the sailing enthusiasts.|
|00:22:25||In that light, they have elected
to exchange vows...|
|00:22:29||which they themselves have written.|
|00:22:38||take you, Christina, to be my wife...|
|00:22:40||my best friend and my first mate...|
|00:22:46||through sickness and health,
clear skies and squalls.|
|00:22:51||[CLAIRE CLEARS THROAT]|
|00:22:53||I'm sorry, I have a tickle in my throat.|
I, Christina, take you, Craig...|
|00:22:59||to be my best friend...|
|00:23:02||and my captain...|
|00:23:05||to be your anchor and your sail...|
|00:23:08||Well, this is a first.|
...your starboard and your port.|
|00:23:13||And now I pronounce you
husband and wife.|
|00:23:18||You may kiss the first mate.|
|00:23:24||[MENDELSSOHN'S "WEDDING MARCH"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]|
|00:23:46||[BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC]|
|00:24:04||Sorry, just a sampler.|
|00:24:06||- Told you this would be classy, right?
- Yes, you did.|
|00:24:09||Class, first class all the way.
You were not lying.|
|00:24:13||Class, class, class.|
|00:24:18||They've got some kind of seasoning
on here. It must be sprinkled.|
|00:24:21||Okay, go get us seats near,
but not too near, the bridal party.|
|00:24:24||I'm gonna go drop this box
of fresh Wyoming air.|
|00:24:28||If you see crab cakes,
get some because I love them.|
|00:24:31||Consider it done.|
|00:24:37||- Fondue set.
- Excuse me?|
|00:24:40||The present you're holding is
a sterling-silver fondue set.|
|00:24:43||- John Ryan.
- Claire Cleary.|
|00:24:47||Uh, so how do you know that?|
|00:24:49||Well, I'm a psychic.|
|00:24:51||- You're psychic?
- I am.|
|00:24:55||- What's that one?
- Knife set. German. Very nice.|
|00:24:58||- Hm. And that?
- Cotton linens, Egyptian.|
|00:25:02||- What about that?
- Oh, I'll go all day.|
|00:25:04||Place settings, candlesticks,
|00:25:07||which they'll probably never use
because it's crystal stemware.|
|00:25:10||- Okay, how about that?
|00:25:14||Massage oils and a book on tantra,
probably from the wacky aunt.|
|00:25:24||- Who's it from?
- Aunt Millie.|
- Well, you have a gift.|
|00:25:29||I know. Unfortunately my powers only
apply to useless consumer products.|
|00:25:32||Well, if the police are missing a Belgian
waffle maker, you could give them a hand.|
|00:25:39||- Claire, we need you for pictures.
- Oh, okay.|
|00:25:41||- Who's your friend?
- This is John Ryan.|
- Excuse us.|
|00:25:49||JEREMY: I might just have one more
of the samplers here.|
- What have we got?|
|00:25:54||Come back with some more stuff.
That's good, though.|
|00:25:56||These bacon-wrapped scallops,
|00:25:59||Really hit the spot. Unbelievable.|
|00:26:03||Oh, shit. Isn't that the girl you hooked up
with at the Andersons' wedding?|
|00:26:09||- Oh, Jesus, I'm smoked.
- No, no, don't panic.|
|00:26:12||We're gonna do number 1 0
from the playbook. Here she comes.|
|00:26:15||Shlomo? I thought you were renouncing
all your possessions and moving to Nepal.|
|00:26:20||Shlomo, don't you remember me?|
Oh, my God, you didn't hear.|
|00:26:26||I'm so sorry.
Shlomo had a scuba-diving accident.|
|00:26:30||Yeah, he came up too fast
and the oxygen deprivation....|
|00:26:34||Poor guy. He doesn't remember anyone,
even me, his own brother.|
|00:26:37||I'm just some nice guy
who helps him out.|
|00:26:40||You poor thing.|
|00:26:44||He can't hear anything either.
It's part of the accident.|
|00:26:47||So are you here
for the Clearys' wedding?|
|00:26:49||Oh, yes. Yes, but I have to leave.|
|00:26:53||- I've got a flight to Madrid.
JOHN: Oh, you have to leave?|
JOHN: Oh, okay.|
|00:26:58||I could hang out for a few minutes.|
|00:27:02||Oh, actually that won't be necessary.|
|00:27:05||Shlomo would like me to take him to the
bathroom, then get him some crab cakes.|
|00:27:09||So, yeah, no, that's not...|
|00:27:12||Okay, I'll take you to get crab cakes
first, then I'll take you to the bathroom.|
|00:27:17||You know what?|
|00:27:19||Here's my number.
If there is anything I can do to help....|
|00:27:24||Okay, have a safe flight.
Don't worry about us.|
|00:27:26||- We're gonna be fine, we're gonna make it.
|00:27:33||She looked good.
I might give her a shout.|
|00:27:35||How? She thinks you're deaf.|
|00:27:37||Everyone wants to be part of a miracle.
I turned the corner, she's a part of it.|
|00:27:40||People helping people.
It's powerful stuff.|
|00:27:42||God, you're a sick man.
You also may be a genius.|
|00:27:46||Okay, so, what angle
are we gonna play here?|
|00:27:48||I'm gonna go with the balloon-animal
display for the kids...|
|00:27:51||and then when she comes to
check it out, guess who's a broken man.|
|00:27:54||- Haunted past.
- Haunted past. Excellent.|
|00:27:55||- How about you?
- I'll dance with the flower girl.|
|00:27:58||Or be a charter member
of Oprah's Book Club.|
|00:28:00||- It's all deadly. I'll see you in a little.
|00:28:03||Final touch. There it is.|
|00:28:06||One happy elephant.|
|00:28:08||All right. Who else wants something?|
|00:28:11||I want a bicycle.|
|00:28:13||A bicycle? Well, a bicycle,
that would take a lot of balloons...|
|00:28:17||and Uncle Jeremy's
a little tired right now...|
|00:28:19||so why don't we do something like,
let's say, a giraffe?|
|00:28:22||I just want a bicycle!|
|00:28:27||Why are you yelling at me?|
|00:28:28||Whatever. Make me a bicycle, clown.|
|00:28:38||I'm gonna make you a bicycle.
But I don't want to make you a bicycle.|
|00:28:41||Shut your mouth, funny guy,
and make it.|
You got it.|
|00:28:49||There you go. Yeah, you got it.|
|00:29:03||Let's see how you do
with somebody your own age.|
|00:29:06||I think I'm up to the challenge.|
|00:29:08||All right, will you save me
a dance for later?|
JOHN: Ha, ha. Okay.|
|00:29:17||[CLEARS THROAT AND CHUCKLES]|
|00:29:25||Go on, take it, you hyena.|
|00:29:28||Don't say thank you.|
|00:29:30||Hi. You're good.|
|00:29:32||That thing? I'm just warming up.
Last week I did a...|
|00:29:35||- ...exact replica to scale of Wrigley Field.
- Ha, ha.|
|00:29:38||Honest to God.
I don't have anywhere to put it.|
|00:29:41||Okay, then I'll take a sports car.|
|00:29:43||How about a dance?|
|00:29:45||That's what I really wanted.|
AND PEOPLE CLAPPING]|
|00:30:18||So how long have you
and the secretary been married?|
|00:30:21||- Thirty years next April.
- Oh, that's beautiful.|
|00:30:24||Yeah, and we were faithful
for two of them.|
- Enjoy the party.|
|00:30:35||- Congratulations, Mr. Secretary.
|00:30:42||Secretary Cleary, John Ryan.|
|00:30:44||- Hi, John.
- I just wanted to tell you how much...|
|00:30:47||I enjoyed your position paper
on economic expansion in Micronesia.|
|00:30:51||You've read my position paper?|
|00:30:53||I read it while I was
sailing my boat to Bermuda.|
|00:30:57||- Good man, take a seat.
- Oh, thanks.|
|00:31:00||You didn't happen to catch my speech...|
|00:31:02||on the Paraguayan debt
and money supply issue, did you?|
|00:31:05||Are you kidding me?
I thought it was great.|
|00:31:07||Your argument for the inverse ratio
of capitalization to debt was genius.|
|00:31:13||Now, if we can just get Congress
not to be so shortsighted.|
|00:31:16||Yes. Well put. "Shortsighted."|
|00:31:20||John, what do you say you and I head out to
the deck and light up a couple of cigars?|
|00:31:28||It's just that we lost a lot
of really good men out there.|
|00:31:36||Gloria, I think I gotta
go get some fresh air.|
|00:31:40||Thank you so much for the dance
and it was wonderful to meet you.|
|00:31:46||I wish I were stronger.|
|00:31:58||Jeremy, wait up!|
|00:32:04||CLEARY: John, you seem like an astute man.
JOHN: Thank you.|
|00:32:07||Maybe you can help
explain something to me.|
|00:32:10||See that young man
out there on the dock?|
CLEARY: That's my son, Todd.|
|00:32:15||Twenty-two years old,
the whole world in front of him.|
|00:32:18||Every advantage in life,
advantages I never had.|
|00:32:22||Well, that's not exactly true.|
|00:32:24||He had the same advantages I had,
which is a hell of a lot of advantages.|
|00:32:27||So here's my question:|
|00:32:30||What's he got to be so morose about?|
|00:32:33||Maybe he hasn't found
something to believe in.|
|00:32:35||Oh, he says he believes in art.|
|00:32:37||But all I've seen him do...|
|00:32:39||is dribble his own blood on a canvas
and smear it around with a stick.|
|00:32:44||- You know, some people call that art.
- It's crap.|
|00:32:47||What about having a public service,
an obligation to our fellow man?|
|00:32:52||Well, maybe he's....|
|00:32:54||Maybe he's just trying to find
his own way, his own path.|
|00:32:57||I mean, you cast a pretty big shadow.|
|00:33:04||Yeah. Yeah, perhaps...|
|00:33:07||I should take it easier on him.|
|00:33:11||Death, you are my bitch lover!|
Todd, that's good!|
|00:33:19||Tell that mean ocean!|
|00:33:23||Oh, see that?|
|00:33:25||It's a start.|
So you dove into the icy water?|
|00:33:30||Why would a man risk his own life
for the life of a complete stranger?|
|00:33:35||The great 1 9th century philosopher
|00:33:39||he said, at that moment, when a human
sees another human in danger...|
|00:33:44||that there's this breaking in
of metaphysical awareness.|
|00:33:49||Do you know what
that awareness is, Gloria?|
- That we're all one.|
|00:33:55||That separateness is an illusion.|
|00:34:00||And that I'm one with everyone.|
|00:34:02||With the prime minister of England
and my cousin Harry.|
|00:34:07||You and me.|
|00:34:10||The fat kid from What's Happening!!|
|00:34:12||The Olsen twins.|
|00:34:16||The guy who wrote Catcher in the Rye.|
|00:34:19||Nat King Cole.|
|00:34:24||- "Weird Al" Yankovic.
|00:34:27||Harry Potter, if he existed.|
|00:34:29||The whore on the street corner.|
|00:34:33||- We're all one.
- We are?|
|00:34:36||That my hands are your hands.|
|00:34:39||And that my cheek...|
|00:34:42||is really your cheek.|
|00:34:45||And that my lips....|
|00:34:47||Are my lips.|
|00:34:48||According to Mr. Schopenhauer,
Well, the guy wants to run for president.|
|00:34:58||Oh, so you're hiding, I see.|
|00:34:59||He thinks Moby Dick is
a venereal disease.|
|00:35:02||Well, that's what I need. Claire.|
|00:35:06||Sorry to interrupt.|
|00:35:08||- Christina wants to talk to you.
- Fun's over.|
- What a great guy.|
|00:35:18||You are a big hit at this wedding.|
|00:35:20||Well, everyone's so nice. It's easy.|
|00:35:26||- They're all full of shit.
|00:35:29||Half of these people are here
because of my dad.|
|00:35:31||They're all just, you know,
suckling at the power teat.|
|00:35:35||No, no. Come on, they're here
because they want to believe...|
|00:35:39||they're in the presence of true love.
That's why people come to weddings.|
|00:35:42||Because they wanna believe in true love.|
|00:35:45||What's true love?|
|00:35:48||True love is your soul's recognition
of its counterpoint in another.|
|00:35:57||Well, it's a little cheesy, but I like it.|
|00:36:00||I saw it on a bumper sticker.|
|00:36:04||- So you gonna give a toast?
|00:36:06||- You nervous?
- Mmm, little bit, um.|
|00:36:08||- What are you gonna say?
- Would you...?|
|00:36:13||- You keep it in your cleavage.
- Nowhere else to put it.|
|00:36:16||Normally, I'm not very good at these things,
but I think this one's pretty good.|
|00:36:21||"I never thought my sister
would find someone...|
|00:36:23||who cared about what other people
thought as much as she did...|
|00:36:26||- ...until I met Craig"?
That's funny because it's true.|
|00:36:30||You know, people like funny.|
|00:36:32||I know. But the whole
|00:36:35||only works if the truth
is a small thing.|
|00:36:38||Like, "Everyone knows
Jennifer likes to shop, ha, ha, ha."|
|00:36:41||You're better off going
with something from the heart.|
|00:36:43||I think that people are gonna like this.|
|00:36:45||I think you're gonna hear crickets.|
|00:36:47||- I think you're wrong.
- Sounds of silence.|
|00:36:49||- Nope. Mm-mm.
- Okay, go walk the plank.|
|00:36:52||- I'm sticking to it.
- Go ahead.|
|00:36:54||Hey, meet me at the back of the room.
I'll be waiting to say, "I told you so."|
|00:37:03||And so, after my ninth stint
in rehab, um, Craig....|
|00:37:11||Craig was the only one
who still believed in me.|
|00:37:15||Been sober now for eight months.|
|00:37:18||And, uh, I thank God every day...|
|00:37:23||for sending me a friend like Craig.|
|00:37:26||I love you, man.|
|00:37:40||[CLAIRE CLEARS THROAT]|
|00:37:44||I never thought my sister
would find someone who cared about...|
|00:37:47||what other people thought
as much as she did until I met Craig.|
|00:37:58||As you all know,
my sister and Craig are both lawyers...|
|00:38:01||at big law firms in New York.|
|00:38:04||But that's not the only thing
they have in common. Um....|
|00:38:08||They both like the color green...|
|00:38:10||like Craig's eyes and money.|
|00:38:32||You know, someone once told me that...|
|00:38:35||true love is...|
|00:38:38||the soul's recognition
of its counterpoint in another.|
|00:38:43||And I think that
that's a very rare thing in this world.|
|00:38:48||And I think it's something to be valued.|
|00:38:51||And I'm just really happy
that my big sister's found it.|
|00:38:58||[MOUTHING] Thank you.|
|00:39:12||- That was amazing!
- It was really great.|
|00:39:15||We should probably head back
so they're not looking for us.|
|00:39:19||I always knew my first time
would be on a beach.|
|00:39:28||You were a virgin?|
|00:39:31||Jeremy, we're gonna
be so happy together.|
|00:39:36||I love you.|
|00:39:37||- I'm sorry?
- I love you.|
|00:39:49||CLAIRE: You totally saved me.
- Claire, come on. Come on.|
|00:39:55||Oh, baby, you were awesome.|
- Listen to me, awesome.|
|00:40:01||John, this is my boyfriend, Sack.|
|00:40:04||- Hey, fella.
- How you doing?|
|00:40:06||- Listen, we gotta go meet the Schreibers.
|00:40:08||It was great to meet you.|
|00:40:10||[WHISPERING] Thank you.|
|00:40:14||Boom, I gotcha.|
|00:40:17||- How you doing?
- Oh, great. Good to see you.|
|00:40:20||I gotta get out of here, pronto.|
|00:40:22||- I got a Stage 5 clinger.
- No, no, I need more time.|
|00:40:25||Did you hear what I just said to you?
Stage 5? Virgin? Clinger?|
|00:40:28||Let's go, I'm gonna start the car.
I'm serious, let's go.|
|00:40:34||I don't think you appreciate the urgency.|
|00:40:35||Not only is she a virgin,
she's totally off the reservation.|
|00:40:38||I'm terrified of this broad.|
|00:40:40||- There you are.
- Hey, Gloria, wow.|
|00:40:44||What a coincidence, I was just singing
your praises. This is John Ryan.|
|00:40:47||GLORIA: Oh, hi.
|00:40:48||My family and a few friends, we're all
going back to our place on the shore...|
|00:40:51||and it would be so great
if you guys came.|
|00:40:55||- Sounds sort of wonderful.
- I am...|
|00:40:56||Well, it does, it sounds very nice.|
|00:40:58||And I'm flattered that you would
think of me...|
|00:41:00||to include me in something like that.
|00:41:03||It kills me however to have to tell you
I'm sorry, I just...|
|00:41:06||- Timing's no good. I can't make it.
|00:41:08||- It's gonna be so much fun.
- It's gonna be so much fun.|
|00:41:11||I'm sure it will be fun
for the people that are going.|
|00:41:14||I unfortunately can't go. I don't have...
I only have this monkey suit.|
|00:41:17||- I don't have any clothes.
- No, we have everything you need.|
|00:41:20||- Problem solved. Problem solved.
- The problem's not solved.|
|00:41:23||- Deal us in.
- Oh, cool, cool, cool.|
|00:41:25||I'm gonna run and find my dad.|
|00:41:27||Don't ask your dad.
Don't ask your...|
|00:41:28||- The train's going. We gotta get on.
- Why not just feed me to the lions?|
- Step on my head when I'm drowning.|
- What do you mean, what?|
|00:41:36||John, this is completely
against the rules.|
|00:41:37||You have a wedding and a reception
to seal the deal. Period.|
|00:41:40||- There's no overtime. No.
- Oh, no overtime?|
|00:41:42||What about the Chang wedding
three years ago?|
|00:41:44||- Oh, that's bullshit.
- Yeah, thought I forgot about that.|
|00:41:47||Two a.m., you dragged me 50 miles
to watch you and some chick...|
|00:41:49||play mahjong with her grandmother
at a retirement home.|
|00:41:52||- Yeah, completely different situation.
|00:41:54||What do you mean, how?
She was a very, very family-oriented girl.|
|00:41:57||She was very into her grandmother.|
|00:41:59||- Give me a break.
- That was my first Asian!|
|00:42:03||- You better lock it up.
- You better lock it up.|
|00:42:05||- No, you lock it up. Lock it up.
- You lock it up. Lock it up.|
|00:42:08||Please. It would mean
so much to me. Please.|
|00:42:12||Look at the way he's looking at me.|
|00:42:14||He doesn't like me.
He's the secretary of the treasury.|
|00:42:16||To be honest with you,
my taxes aren't exactly in line.|
|00:42:18||- You're being paranoid.
- He's threatened by the way I dance.|
|00:42:21||Damn it. Why'd I have to
go showing off like that?|
|00:42:24||Now I'm all over his radar. Stupid.|
|00:42:26||You're not that good a dancer.|
|00:42:28||Oh, please. You and I both know
I'm a phenomenal dancer.|
|00:42:30||Now I know you're lying.
You'll do anything to get me to go...|
|00:42:33||even if I have to walk
right into the lion's den.|
|00:42:36||Gloria, come on!|
|00:42:38||You know I'm not gonna give in
to this kind of behavior.|
|00:42:41||She's like a kid at Toys "R" Us.
I can't be around it.|
|00:42:43||Oh, get off your high horse.
Stop judging people.|
|00:42:45||You take off the white wig
and you stop judging me.|
|00:42:47||I don't want to be around
someone who's a nut job.|
|00:42:50||- I need alone time with her.
- You wanna hang out with Claire...|
|00:42:52||the boyfriend and Sybil,
by all means. I'm not going.|
|00:42:55||I'll lay it out for you
in chapter and verse: You're going.|
|00:42:57||Let me break it down for you,
I'll hold your hand like a small child:|
|00:43:01||- I'm not going.
- You are.|
|00:43:02||- You can go if you want.
- You're gonna be a team player.|
|00:43:05||JEREMY: No, I'm not.
- He'd love you to come.|
|00:43:07||- Yes. Yes! Baba ganoush!
Okay, okay. Home sweet home.|
Thank you, Sack. Thank you.|
|00:43:33||JOHN: You okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.|
Come here, come here.|
|00:43:37||Are you okay? I'm gonna need 1 00 percent of
Jeremy and you're looking a little weird.|
|00:43:41||She took me below deck for 45 minutes.
I don't have any bodily fluids left in me.|
|00:43:45||Gentlemen, everything okay?|
|00:43:47||- Great. Yep.
|00:43:48||You know, we were thinking about
a little game of touch football, you know?|
- Cleary family tradition.|
|00:43:55||A little pigskin, why not?|
- Don't forget to stretch, guys.|
|00:43:59||We're gonna be on the field in 1 0.|
I'm open, I'm open!|
There you go. Nice, nice, nice.|
|00:44:10||There you go.|
|00:44:33||I'm not even gonna say it,
but you know I'm upset.|
|00:44:36||I know you are.
I think you look good.|
|00:44:40||You know I don't look good.|
Hey, honey! I'm over here!|
|00:44:47||Are you ready?
Are you ready for some football?|
|00:44:49||You want the noise brought on you?
Here it comes.|
|00:44:51||- The what?
MAN: The noise brought on you.|
|00:44:53||- Here it comes.
- Just hike the ball, nut job.|
|00:44:55||Ready! Set! Hut! Hut! Hike!|
|00:45:00||One Mississippi, two Mississippi,
Over here! Me, me, me!|
|00:45:10||Yes! Crab cakes and football!|
|00:45:12||- That's what Maryland does!
CLEARY: Nice one.|
|00:45:16||- A little out of shape?
|00:45:20||- Way to bring it.
SACK: Anticipate that rush.|
|00:45:21||- I saw you had it.
- Hey, shut up!|
|00:45:23||- You gotta anticipate that rush.
- Of course I do.|
|00:45:25||SACK: You did a great job.
JEREMY: What happened, Toast?|
|00:45:27||I think he's on steroids.|
|00:45:29||It was like trying to cover
a fucking racehorse.|
|00:45:33||- Get it up! Get it up!
- Well, don't worry about it.|
|00:45:36||- We'll burn them with the post.
- No, no. No, I got a better idea.|
|00:45:40||Look, I want you to fake the post...|
|00:45:42||throw an interception to Claire,
get her to feel good.|
|00:45:45||Gets her involved.
You think you can do that?|
|00:45:47||John, I was first team, all-state.
I can put the ball wherever I want to.|
|00:45:50||I'll make it rain out here.
All right, guys, bring it in. Blue 1 7!|
|00:45:56||Blue 1 7! Red 7!|
|00:45:58||- Oh, you're gonna cover me?
- Like white on rice.|
|00:46:01||All right, I like my odds here.
I'm gonna give you a little warning:|
|00:46:04||- I'm going downtown.
- Hot route!|
|00:46:06||Red 7, Red 7, Red 7!|
|00:46:08||Look for me in the end zone,
I'll be the guy holding the ball.|
|00:46:11||- John! Red 7!
|00:46:13||- I don't know what "Red 7" means.
- Hot route!|
|00:46:16||I don't... What is "hot route"?|
|00:46:18||Will you just go stand
on the other side, please?|
Are you running away from me?|
|00:46:22||JOHN: No. I'm just getting over here.
CLAIRE: You scared?|
- Come on.|
|00:46:28||Ready, down, set!
Hut! Hut! Hut! Hike!|
|00:46:35||Hey, yo! Hit me! Hit me!|
|00:46:40||That's what we call a "Sack lunch"!
Yum, yum, yum, yum.|
|00:46:48||Big tree fall hard, right?|
|00:46:49||How many fingers I got up?
Come on, Pepe, how many fingers I got up?|
|00:46:52||Oh, come on, I got four.
Okay, here's five.|
|00:46:55||Man down! We got a man down.
|00:46:59||Hey, is your brother okay?|
|00:47:01||- What? Ah, he's fine.
- I can't breathe.|
|00:47:03||SACK: What's that?
- I can't breathe.|
|00:47:05||No, no, no, I think he's really hurt.|
|00:47:08||Well, serves him right after that throw.|
|00:47:11||Hey. Baba ganoush.|
|00:47:13||I don't know what
got into me, secretary, I just...|
|00:47:15||I do. Five generations
of Lodge family breeding.|
|00:47:20||[GROWLING AND CHUCKLING]|
|00:47:22||- Your father used to pull the same stunt...
- I can't breathe.|
|00:47:25||- ...when we were your age.
- I can't breathe.|
Great. You threw it perfectly.|
|00:47:31||Come on, get up.|
|00:47:33||- Don't oversell it.
- I'm not selling anything.|
|00:47:35||Come on, stop milking it.
You make us look like a bunch of pussies.|
|00:47:39||Jeremy. Sit this play out.|
|00:47:42||Todd, come on in.|
|00:47:45||You must be joking.|
|00:47:46||It wouldn't kill you to play
some competitive sports...|
|00:47:50||once in a while, would it?|
|00:47:52||Oh, would that make you love me?|
|00:47:56||Hey, Jeremy, Red Moon Dog 7-11.|
|00:48:01||Hut one! Hut two!|
|00:48:04||- Oh! Ah!
|00:48:10||- That looked like it hurt.
|00:48:12||- I got you.
JEREMY: No, you didn't.|
|00:48:14||- You're cheating.
- You're cheating.|
|00:48:16||Oh, my God.
Your brother, he's down again.|
|00:48:22||What is his deal?|
|00:48:25||I don't know what's getting
into me today, guys.|
|00:48:27||Nature versus nurture, Lodge.
Nature always wins.|
|00:48:31||What are you doing?
It's a game of touch.|
|00:48:33||Every time I look over,
you're on your ass again.|
|00:48:35||If I had any air in my lungs,
I'd scream at you.|
|00:48:37||Oh, now you're gonna blame me?|
|00:48:39||Because you're not athletic enough
to stay on your two feet?|
|00:48:42||I hate you.|
|00:48:43||Let's take a daiquiri time-out.|
|00:48:49||Sweetheart, why don't you take him
into the house and fix him up?|
|00:48:52||- Sure, Mom.
- No, don't baby him.|
|00:48:53||It just makes it worse.|
Oh, my back hurts.|
|00:48:57||Oh, great. Game's over. Satisfied?|
|00:49:00||You got everyone on you now.
Get all the attention.|
Come on, baby.|
|00:49:06||It's hot out here.|
|00:49:07||- Yeah, it is.
|00:49:09||You should have played
in your underwear.|
|00:49:13||I'll get you a drink.|
|00:49:20||Oh, Jesus Christ. Hss, it burns.|
|00:49:23||- It stings. Oh, Jesus.
GLORIA: Poor baby.|
|00:49:26||You want me to blow on it?|
|00:49:27||No. No, no, no.|
|00:49:29||No, I don't need any blowing.
I'm good. Thank you.|
|00:49:32||Jeremy, I'm not wearing any panties.|
|00:49:35||- That's right.
- Oh. Yeah...|
|00:49:36||Okay. That's fun. That's nice.|
|00:49:39||Okay. Oh, oh, yeah.|
|00:49:40||Oh, yeah, that's fun. Yeah, that's fun.|
|00:49:43||Okay, Gloria. You need to stop.
Yeah, that's fun.|
|00:49:45||That's fun. That's fun.|
|00:49:50||Don't you worry, Gloria.
Mum's the word.|
|00:49:53||Thank you, Randolph.|
|00:49:56||- A little more discreet, though, okay?
GLORIA: Hee, hee.|
|00:50:06||Don't worry, he won't say anything.|
|00:50:09||I'm confused. Like eight hours ago
you were a shy little virgin...|
|00:50:12||and now you're not wearing any panties.
I'm trying to catch up with you.|
|00:50:15||You do that to me. Ooh.|
|00:50:17||- Where's my little friend?
- No, no, no.|
|00:50:18||- Where's my little friend?
- He's tired.|
|00:50:20||He's in time-out. He's in time-out.|
|00:50:22||Gloria, please. I'm exhausted.
I'm exhausted. I've had a very long day.|
|00:50:26||I had your sister's boyfriend dry-hump me
up and down the field all afternoon.|
|00:50:30||My leg's cut and bleeding. I'm just...
I'm not really in the mood for this.|
- Ow, Jesus Christ!|
|00:50:37||My father warned me about
people like you, Jeremy.|
|00:50:40||- I'm just another notch on your belt.
- It's not like that. It's not like that.|
|00:50:43||Really? Then what's it like, Jeremy, huh?|
|00:50:46||- Ow! Ow!
|00:50:47||No! Wait! Wait!|
|00:50:48||It's just that I'm feeling very strongly...|
|00:50:51||that we're only expressing ourselves
in a physical, sexual-specifically way.|
|00:50:55||That's it! Wait!|
|00:50:57||And I'd like to play some catch-up
on finding out who's inside here.|
- Heh, heh.|
|00:51:08||- Jeremy, you're amazing.
- Oh, God, I think you're amazing.|
|00:51:11||- Oh, my God, don't ever leave me. Good.
|00:51:15||[IN BABY VOICE]
Because I'd find you.|
|00:51:21||[IN NORMAL VOICE] Of course, like all kids,
I had imaginary friends, but not just one.|
|00:51:24||I had hundreds, and all of them
from different backgrounds...|
|00:51:27||who spoke different languages.
One of them, his name was Caleb...|
|00:51:30||he spoke a magical language
that only I could understand.|
|00:51:37||Get him all patched up?|
|00:51:39||I sure did, Daddy.|
|00:51:44||You go change for dinner.|
|00:51:53||You know, she's not just
another notch on the old belt.|
|00:51:59||I don't even wear a belt. Beltless.|
|00:52:03||I'm a very powerful man.|
|00:52:06||Yes, you are.|
|00:52:11||See you for dinner.|
|00:52:15||SACK: So I am president of the
Environment Defense League.|
|00:52:18||And I pick up this little sea otter...|
|00:52:21||and wipe off the oil
from the tanker spill.|
|00:52:23||You gotta step this up already.
I'm gonna give you the damn eye drops.|
|00:52:26||No, I don't want them. It's too hardcore.|
|00:52:28||JEREMY: Do you want to be alone with her?
|00:52:30||Put these in his drink and he'll be going
down on a toilet seat for the next 24 hours.|
|00:52:34||I don't wanna do it. I can beat this guy.
Let's be honorable for once.|
|00:52:41||And the whiskers.|
|00:52:44||And the oil's...
The oil's flapping, he goes:|
|00:52:46||[COUGHING AND WHIMPERING]|
|00:52:48||- Give me the eye drops.
- Thank you.|
|00:53:04||[CLINKING ON GLASS]|
|00:53:07||Let us bow our heads in prayer.|
|00:53:17||we thank you for thy bounty
on this table...|
|00:53:20||and ask that you bless
the entire Cleary family...|
|00:53:23||and all the friends here assembled.|
|00:53:31||Oh, these scallops look fantastic.|
|00:53:34||I bought them from an organic scallop farm
right off the coast of Nattachoke.|
|00:53:38||CLAIRE: Actually, Sack got the governor
to subsidize part of the project.|
|00:53:42||And now it's the state's only
self-sustaining scallop farm.|
|00:53:45||Say that five times fast.
You can't do it. Self-sustaining...|
|00:53:49||JEREMY: They look terrific.
Maybe I'll actually try some...|
|00:53:51||when I get the sensation back in my face.
From the football game.|
|00:53:55||Again, Jeremy, I'm sorry. You know,
I have this damn competitive streak, um.|
|00:53:59||- I'm seeing a Buddhist about it.
- Not just any Buddhist.|
|00:54:02||His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.
He's a good friend.|
Because when I go back to town...|
|00:54:08||I'm actually gonna see an orthopedist
about what you did to my back.|
|00:54:11||Not just any orthopedist.
I'm gonna see a Dr. Epstein...|
|00:54:13||Hey, Sack, how long have you
and Claire been seeing each other?|
|00:54:17||Claire and I? What's it been, sweetheart?
A couple years?|
|00:54:20||Three and a half.|
|00:54:22||Yeah, actually, we started dating
while we were doing Habitat for Humanity.|
|00:54:27||Pretty soon we'll be getting married.|
|00:54:32||Well, not too soon, um....|
|00:54:35||We still have a lot of things
that we want to accomplish.|
|00:54:38||Anyway, once Claire
and Sack tie the knot...|
|00:54:41||two of the great American families,
the Clearys and the Lodges...|
|00:54:44||- ...will finally unite.
- Hear, hear.|
|00:54:46||And then, of course,
you can challenge the Klingons...|
|00:54:48||for interstellar domination, right?|
|00:54:54||Jeremy. I saw you on the dance floor.|
|00:55:02||You move pretty good.|
|00:55:04||Oh, thanks a lot.|
|00:55:06||I really just got lucky.|
|00:55:08||I was more in the zone
than anything else.|
|00:55:10||It was the booze dancing, heh, heh.|
|00:55:15||Sorry, guys, I forgot.
How are you connected to the family again?|
|00:55:18||Uncle Ned's kids.|
|00:55:21||You know, Uncle Ned?|
|00:55:22||Aunt Liz's brother. Ned and Liz.|
|00:55:27||SACK: Hm. No, I don't know.
CLEARY: So, Jeremy...|
|00:55:30||you and your brother are
|00:55:33||- That's right.
- That's great.|
The backbone of the system.|
|00:55:39||- It's the new pioneer.
O'NEIL: New pioneer.|
|00:55:41||So is it just about the money?|
|00:55:43||No, no, it's about...|
|00:55:46||investing in companies that are
ethically and morally defensible.|
|00:55:49||- Like what? Give me an example.
- Like what? Well, there's the company...|
|00:55:53||that we have where we're taking
the fur or the wool from sheep...|
|00:55:58||and we turn it into thread
for homeless people to sew.|
|00:56:02||And then they make it into cloth,
which they in turn sew...|
|00:56:06||then make little shirts and pants...|
|00:56:10||for other homeless people to sell.
It's a pretty good deal.|
|00:56:14||- People helping people.
|00:56:16||That's very admirable.|
|00:56:18||Thank you. Although don't make me out
to be a saint just yet.|
|00:56:21||We do turn a small profit.|
|00:56:23||After all, someone has to pay for
the lap dances for the big guy here.|
|00:56:29||He's joking around.
It feels so good when he jokes.|
|00:56:33||What's this company called?|
|00:56:35||- Holy sh...
- Shirts & Pants. Holy Shirts & Pants.|
|00:56:38||It's a little corny and obvious...|
|00:56:40||but what do you get
out of being subtle, right?|
|00:56:42||Well, that's a hell of a good project.|
|00:56:45||I'm gonna mention something
to the commerce secretary.|
|00:56:47||That would be terrific.
That would be great, huh?|
|00:56:50||Terrific, it was terrific.|
|00:56:52||Isn't my Willy doing a wonderful job
there in Washington?|
- You know, Willy's father, my husband...|
|00:57:00||was the secretary of state
for President Franklin Roosevelt.|
|00:57:05||That must have been so thrilling. FDR.|
|00:57:07||My gosh, FDR was a wonderful President.|
He was a doll.|
|00:57:12||The wife, though, Eleanor?|
|00:57:15||- Big dyke.
CLAIRE: Oh, Lord.|
|00:57:17||Huge dyke. A real rug muncher.|
|00:57:20||Looked like a big lesbian mule.|
|00:57:26||Grandma, you can't talk
like that, okay? It's not right.|
|00:57:30||Somebody get me another Scotch
|00:57:32||I think I'm gonna go to bed.|
|00:57:34||CLAIRE: Honey, are you okay?
SACK: Oh, yeah.|
You know, I'm just a little tired. Thanks.|
- You all right?|
|00:57:40||Oh, yeah. Yeah.|
|00:57:45||What an athlete.
A tremendous competitor.|
|00:57:50||Todd, I noticed that you haven't even
touched your food yet.|
|00:57:53||- I don't eat meat or fish.
- He's a homo.|
Mommy, let's not go there again.|
|00:58:01||Actually, Todd is an amazing painter.|
|00:58:04||He's going to the Rhode Island
School of Design.|
|00:58:06||JOHN: Oh, that's a great school.
|00:58:09||That's really impressive. RISD.|
|00:58:11||Yeah, Dad used to think
I'd be a political liability...|
|00:58:14||you know, in case
he ever ran for president.|
|00:58:17||Now, Todd. Actually, truth be told...|
|00:58:20||polling shows a majority
of the American people...|
|00:58:23||would ultimately empathize
with our situation.|
|00:58:27||- What is our situation, Dad?
- You're a homo.|
|00:58:31||Oh, for God sakes, William,
put Mommy to bed already.|
|00:58:34||Okay. Mommy, we've had a long day.|
|00:58:37||I can do it myself, asshole.|
|00:58:45||I'll be in my room painting.|
|00:58:50||You just go right ahead, Toddy.|
|00:58:54||WOMAN: Wonderful scallops.
CLEARY: Absolutely. Wonderful.|
|00:58:57||You know, I think
I'm gonna get some air.|
|00:59:01||Oh, I'll get some air
if you want some company.|
JOHN: Let me just change my shoes.|
|00:59:07||- Excuse me.
- All right. I'm gonna...|
|00:59:09||Can't walk away from the delicious food
that we got here.|
|00:59:21||I just had my tits done.|
|00:59:24||You like them?|
|00:59:27||Those seem like lovely tits.|
|00:59:30||William doesn't give a shit about my tits.|
|00:59:33||Well, darn him.|
|00:59:35||But, Mrs. Cleary, this is pretty sudden.|
|00:59:38||You've been playing cat and mouse
with me ever since you came here.|
|00:59:41||- Mrs. Cleary, I don't...
- Call me Cat.|
|00:59:44||- Okay, Cat...
- Call me Kitty Cat. Rowr.|
|00:59:50||Okay, Kitty Cat, this feels
borderline inappropriate, and...|
|00:59:56||- Feel them.
|00:59:57||- I said, feel them.
- Mrs. Cleary...|
|01:00:01||I'm sorry, Kitty Cat.
Are you out of your fucking mind?|
|01:00:05||I'm not letting you out of this room...|
|01:00:07||until you feel them.|
|01:00:21||Wow, they feel really nice. Real orb-like.|
|01:00:24||It's amazing what they can do to...|
Mom make you feel her tits?|
|01:00:46||Did you say something, Todd?|
|01:00:49||Mom make you feel her tits?|
|01:00:52||Todd, where are you going with this?|
|01:00:55||Just don't say anything
to my dad, though.|
|01:00:59||Some friend of my sister's...|
|01:01:01||she said something to my dad
a couple of years ago...|
|01:01:05||he now lives in a shack in Guam.|
|01:01:09||Not by choice.|
|01:01:11||Stop kidding with me, Todd.
You almost had me.|
|01:01:25||- John, I need to talk to you.
- No, not right now.|
|01:01:27||What's wrong with you? Why you got
the weird look all over your face?|
|01:01:31||Claire's mom just made me
grab her hooters.|
|01:01:33||Well, snap out of it! What? A hot
older woman made you feel her cans?|
|01:01:37||- Stop crying like a little girl.
- I wasn't crying like a little girl.|
|01:01:40||Try getting jacked off under
the table in front of the family...|
|01:01:43||and have some real problems.
|01:01:46||What were they like?
They look pretty good. Are they real?|
|01:01:49||Are they built for speed or for comfort?
What'd you do with them?|
|01:01:52||Motorboat? You play the motorboat?
|01:01:55||You motorboating son of a bitch.
You old sailor, you.|
|01:01:58||Where is she? She still in the house?|
|01:02:01||What is wrong with you?|
|01:02:02||What do you...?
What's wrong with you?|
|01:02:04||- What's wrong with you?
- What's wrong with you?|
|01:02:06||- You're projecting.
- Drop it.|
|01:02:07||You drop it.
You stop projecting on me.|
|01:02:09||You go enjoy yourself
while I go ice my balls and spit up blood.|
|01:02:12||JOHN: Drop it!
- "Team player."|
|01:02:33||[JEREMY CLEARS THROAT]|
|01:02:39||Oh, Mr. President.|
|01:02:52||What do you want?|
|01:02:54||You're in my room.|
|01:03:00||I'm too drunk to walk,
so carry me to my room.|
|01:03:16||RANDOLPH: You banging the daughter
and the grandma?|
|01:03:19||- How much jam you got, man?
The family dog live downstairs.|
|01:03:25||I can wake him up for you if you like.
His name is Snooky.|
|01:03:28||- You could not be more wrong...
- Just be gentle with her, okay?|
|01:03:32||She be pushing 90.|
|01:03:52||Hey. Good thing I didn't hold my breath.|
|01:03:56||Yeah, I'm sorry, I just, uh....|
|01:03:59||Sorry I'm late, I just....|
|01:04:03||No, no, I'm fine, I just....|
|01:04:05||I just got held up.|
|01:04:09||My family's a little strange.|
|01:04:12||A little strange?|
|01:04:13||Come on. Claire.|
|01:04:16||Your family are totally nuts.|
|01:04:20||- And guess what.
|01:04:23||- I love it.
- You do?|
|01:04:25||- Yeah, it seems great.
- I get a little self-conscious.|
|01:04:29||It's a family. You're mixing it up.|
|01:04:31||You got the sweet little grandma
who's really sweet...|
|01:04:34||with her, like, little, like, white
hair, but then she's kind of mean.|
|01:04:37||But you're like, "Well, fuck it, she's
so old, and she's not gonna change now."|
|01:04:42||Shit, it was great.|
|01:04:44||I just hope I didn't embarrass myself
with that stupid joke I told.|
|01:04:47||Are you kidding? That was so funny.|
|01:04:49||- No, really? Really?
- Yeah. Yeah, you're like that crazy guest...|
|01:04:53||who thinks he's part of the family.
|01:04:55||Doesn't sound that great.
That sounds horrible.|
|01:04:58||- No, it's cute.
- The crazy guest who thinks he's...|
|01:05:00||like, part of the family who's gonna say
inappropriate stuff? What is that?|
|01:05:03||Yeah. You know, you break the ice.|
- It can be so stuffy sometimes in there.|
- There you are.|
|01:05:12||Have you checked on Sack?
I think he's pretty sick.|
|01:05:15||- Oh, really?
|01:05:17||Okay. Yeah. No, I'll be right in.|
|01:05:20||- I should... I should go check on him.
JOHN: Yeah, sure, okay.|
|01:05:23||Yeah, we'll take a walk some other time.|
|01:05:33||I'll talk to you later.|
|01:05:51||Are you okay?|
|01:05:55||my head's buried in a toilet.|
|01:05:57||What do you think?
Why don't you do the math, okay?|
|01:06:01||Honey, it's okay to be vulnerable
sometimes. It's just me.|
|01:06:05||Yeah, you can just cut that psychobabble
bullshit that your mom tells you, okay?|
- Hey, you wanna help me out?|
|01:06:11||Do you? Do you, kid?
Why don't you go get me a 7-Up, okay?|
|01:06:14||All right, because I think I'm...
I think I might get vulnerable again.|
|01:06:32||- What the fuck is going on?
|01:06:36||You'll wake my dad.|
|01:06:38||Baby, I started thinking
about what you said before...|
|01:06:40||and I think the problem is I am not
being adventurous enough for you.|
|01:06:44||Gloria, I am pretty sure that is not
what I've been saying to you.|
|01:06:51||I'm gonna make all
your fantasies come true.|
|01:06:55||But this is not a fant...|
|01:07:00||I love you.|
|01:09:02||Gloria, go to sleep, honey.|
|01:09:05||It's not Gloria.|
|01:09:10||We had a moment
at the dinner table.|
|01:09:12||We did not have a moment
at the dinner table.|
|01:09:14||Yes. We had a moment.|
|01:09:16||I was there. I would have noticed
if there was a moment.|
|01:09:20||I made you a painting.|
I call the painting "Celebration."|
|01:09:26||It's sexual and violent.|
|01:09:30||I thought you might like it.|
|01:09:36||CLEARY: Where's that coming from?
You hear that?|
|01:09:39||- Hide! You gotta hide! Yes.
- No. They need to know about us.|
|01:09:41||- It's okay.
- Hide, hide, hide! Please, please, please.|
|01:09:46||Not there. Not there! I'm not comfortable...
I'm not comfortable with that!|
|01:09:49||- Let's play tummy sticks.
- What's tummy sticks?|
|01:09:52||I don't want to play. Get in the closet.|
I was where you were a year ago.|
|01:09:56||Get in the fucking closet right now.
You go get in the closet!|
|01:09:59||You go get in the closet!
You go get in the closet!|
|01:10:07||I'll pop out at the right moment.|
No, you will not.|
|01:10:16||Everything okay in here?
I thought I heard something.|
|01:10:20||I was just having a bad dream.|
|01:10:26||I know about bad dreams.|
|01:10:29||You know, Todd...|
|01:10:33||screams at night sometimes.|
|01:10:38||You know, the doctors call it
night terrors. I don't know.|
|01:11:15||There's nothing terrifying
about the night.|
|01:11:18||Now, listen, if you let me
go to bed and get some sleep...|
|01:11:22||then we can talk tomorrow.|
|01:11:24||- You won't make time for me.
- If I get my sleep...|
|01:11:26||I'd love to make time
and talk about, uh, different things.|
|01:11:34||Can't wait for tomorrow,
when I got energy and I can share stuff.|
|01:11:38||- Oh, it's gonna be great.
- You sleep.|
|01:11:47||Okay. That was nice.|
|01:11:49||That was nice.
Please let me just sleep.|
|01:11:55||I can't take this fucking shit anymore.|
|01:12:06||There he is.
It's the big guy! Get in here.|
|01:12:10||Wait till you see the spread.
Anything you want.|
|01:12:12||Yeah, well, get what you want to go.|
|01:12:14||Ferry leaves in 25 minutes.
We gotta get out of here.|
|01:12:16||Whoa, what's your problem?
Have some of this stuff.|
|01:12:19||I didn't get a lot of sleep
last night, John. I'm fried.|
|01:12:21||- Soft mattress?
- Yeah, that could've been it.|
|01:12:23||It could have been the soft mattress,
or the midnight rape...|
|01:12:26||or the nude, gay art show in my room.|
|01:12:28||One of those probably added
to the lack of sleep.|
|01:12:30||Try one of these scones,
you'll love them.|
|01:12:32||I'm a little too traumatized.
|01:12:34||Will you slow down for a second?
The whole eye-drop thing backfired.|
|01:12:37||Okay? It didn't work. She had to
leave me and go attend to him.|
|01:12:43||Why are you looking at me like that?|
|01:12:44||You're falling for this broad.|
|01:12:47||No. I just met her.|
|01:12:49||Exactly. I'm gonna go.|
|01:12:51||- You can't go.
- Watch me.|
|01:12:53||Watch me take this
on down the road.|
|01:12:55||Look, if you leave, Gloria is gonna
freak out and throw a shit fit...|
|01:12:59||and it's gonna go into crisis
lockdown mode here at the house.|
|01:13:02||I don't give a baker's fuck.|
|01:13:04||I just had my own sock duct-taped
into my mouth last night.|
|01:13:07||- Whoa, what?
- Yeah, the sock...|
|01:13:09||that I wore around all day,
playing football in, pouring sweat in...|
|01:13:13||was shoved into my mouth,
and there was duct tape over it.|
|01:13:16||Let's talk about it. I'm a good listener.|
|01:13:18||I'm not in a place to discuss
what happened. Okay?|
|01:13:20||I felt like Jodie Foster
in The Accused last night.|
|01:13:22||I'm gonna go home,
see Dr. Finkelstein...|
|01:13:25||and I'm gonna tell him
we got a whole new bag of issues.|
|01:13:28||We can forget about Mom for a while.
I'm gonna go.|
|01:13:32||Suit yourself. Rule number 1.|
|01:13:35||Rule number 1: Never leave
a fellow crasher behind.|
|01:13:42||- I can't believe how selfish you are.
- I need you.|
|01:13:49||A friend in need is a pest.|
|01:13:55||I'll stick it out with you
because you're desperate.|
|01:13:58||I need the big guy.|
|01:13:59||I'll give you a little bit more time
because somebody can't close.|
|01:14:02||- Fair enough.
- But if you want my help, listen.|
|01:14:04||Number one: Stop being a pussy.|
|01:14:07||Number two: Make a move.|
|01:14:11||You know it.|
|01:14:13||Could you pop the syrup for me?
Just as a top off?|
|01:14:15||Here's what's gonna happen, Tonto.|
|01:14:18||Kimosabe's gonna have some flavor.|
|01:14:20||- I choose not to eat with you.
- We're not eating together?|
|01:14:22||No. I'd like to recharge my batteries,
and shut down the engines...|
|01:14:26||and get myself back to neutral.|
|01:14:27||When the meal's over with,
I will talk to you.|
|01:14:30||I don't want to get into
what happened last night.|
|01:14:32||Let's get through today, let's keep
our eye on the prize, let's focus...|
|01:14:36||- ...and let's close some ass.
|01:14:44||Can I tell you something
without you getting angry?|
|01:14:48||I love you.|
|01:14:52||Yeah, you, big guy.|
|01:14:55||I love you too.|
|01:15:02||- Trapster, it's Sack.
|01:15:05||- How was the wedding?
- Oh, it was boring, you know|
|01:15:08||But the bachelor party,
of course, rocked.|
|01:15:09||We got Heidi, a couple of those fucking sluts
from the environmental group, remember?|
|01:15:13||No way. Did you tap that again?|
|01:15:16||Once at my place,
then once back in the cab.|
|01:15:21||Oh, how's Claire?|
|01:15:22||Still trying to figure out
what she's doing with her life?|
|01:15:26||Claire? She's, you know,
whatever, I don't know.|
|01:15:28||She's saving the world
one maladjusted kid at a time.|
|01:15:31||But that'll all change
when we're married.|
|01:15:33||I want a wife.
I don't want a fucking martyr, right?|
|01:15:35||I hear that, my friend|
|01:15:38||Hey, man, listen, I, uh, got...|
|01:15:41||Do you remember
that private detective we used...|
|01:15:43||to set up that
Shearson Lehman prick?|
|01:15:45||The "Big Sleazy," Tommy Gufano.
He's a wop genius.|
|01:15:47||Yes. I need you to get some dirt
on these two guys...|
|01:15:50||John and Jeremy Ryan.
They're brothers from New Hampshire.|
|01:15:53||They got some sort of N.P.O. called
Holy Shirts & Pants.|
|01:15:57||- I will check into them.
- Excellent, bro.|
|01:16:00||- You the man.
- Take it easy.|
|01:16:02||[GURGLING AND BELCHING]|
Oh, he's still not feeling very well.|
Well, then, we'll sail without him.|
|01:16:42||CLEARY: John, my boy.
|01:16:43||We're tacking back round.|
|01:16:45||Do me a favor, ease the sheets...|
|01:16:48||swing the jib starboard.|
|01:16:50||Okay, let me, uh...|
|01:17:09||- Hi. How's it going?
|01:17:12||Oh, just swinging the jib here
for your dad.|
|01:17:14||Starboard. Trying to get it over here
and crease the sheet.|
|01:17:18||But starboard's this way.|
|01:17:21||- Oh, that's right. What am I...?
|01:17:24||- What am I thinking?
- I'll help.|
CLAIRE: Hang on, hang on.|
|01:17:28||Watch the jib boom.|
|01:17:33||All right, push it. Push it this way.|
|01:17:37||Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is better.|
|01:17:39||- Come on, use some muscle.
- There we go.|
|01:17:42||All right, that's beautiful.
|01:17:44||I'm used to sailing down under
with the Kiwis...|
|01:17:47||so everything is backwards.|
|01:17:49||Even the toilets, when you flush them,
the water spins the opposite way.|
|01:17:54||Really freaks you out
the first time you see it.|
John, my boy.|
|01:18:15||Come on up here.|
|01:18:16||Man the Woodwind for a while.|
|01:18:18||On my way.|
|01:18:25||Hey, your dad was telling me
about a great beach near here...|
|01:18:28||that maybe we could check out,
if you have any interest, when we get back.|
|01:18:35||Okay, it can get confusing up here.
If you have a problem, just give me a call.|
Ah, sailing. What have we got, captain?|
|01:18:43||Take the wheel.|
- How would one get to this Sook's Bend?|
|01:19:13||Actually, it would be
a really nice bike ride.|
|01:19:16||Everything's ready for the quail hunt!|
- For the quail hunt?|
|01:19:20||It's a Cleary family tradition.|
|01:19:23||Well, I think you might have to deal me
out on this, because we were gonna...|
|01:19:26||Nonsense, I insist.|
|01:19:28||John, you gotta go. You're gonna love it.
You're gonna love it.|
|01:19:30||Sack, honey, you a little bit sick
|01:19:34||Oh, no, I'm great. Honey, I'm great.|
|01:19:36||No, I'm going. Right? Right?|
|01:19:42||Okay. You're going.|
|01:19:44||- So I guess I'll see you later.
- See you later.|
|01:19:48||Just take it easy, okay?|
|01:19:51||Mr. Environmental is also a hunter.
It's kind of an interesting combination.|
|01:19:55||I hunt quail, Jeremy.|
|01:19:57||They're overpopulated and they're
decimating the grub-worm population.|
|01:20:00||Got a fucking problem with that?|
|01:20:02||Not nearly as much as I do with
the attire that you have on...|
|01:20:05||or just your general point of view
|01:20:08||But let's go kill some birds. I'm psyched.|
|01:20:13||Have you even shot
one of these things before?|
|01:20:15||The whole 1 7 years
we've known each other...|
|01:20:17||I've been sneaking off to go on
hunting trips around the world.|
|01:20:20||No, I don't even know
what the fuck a quail is.|
|01:20:22||I feel totally ridiculous. It's like,
why do I have to be in camouflage?|
|01:20:25||So the big bad quail doesn't see me?|
|01:20:27||I know. It's like, why can't
we hunt something cool...|
|01:20:30||like a hawk, or an eagle,
or something with some talons?|
|01:20:33||That'd be awesome.
Big game, even like a gorilla?|
|01:20:36||- Yeah. Gorilla.
- Or a rhinoceros.|
- Or a fucking human being?|
|01:20:39||That'll get you jacked up.|
|01:20:42||That's a little heavy.|
|01:20:43||I mean, like... You're hunting
a human being right now.|
|01:20:46||Most Dangerous Game|
|01:20:48||Like a worthy adversary.
Not a human being that's armed...|
|01:20:51||- Oh, if he wasn't armed.
- ...but a clever human being...|
|01:20:53||- ...who knows the jungle, or the woods.
- Like a bad guy.|
|01:21:06||There's something not right
about these guys.|
|01:21:09||MAN: What do you mean?
- I mean, it's time to send them home.|
|01:21:12||Sack, don't do anything crazy.|
|01:21:13||- I'm just gonna scare them a little bit.
- All right.|
|01:21:18||To the right!|
|01:21:28||- They got me!
- Oh, shit.|
|01:21:30||JEREMY: They got me!
- Oh, shit.|
|01:21:37||- You okay, buddy?
- Oh, don't "okay, buddy" me.|
|01:21:40||We're gonna take a little bike ride, and
then we'll come back and check up on you.|
|01:21:44||And take care of him, okay? I want you
to get my little angel up and running.|
|01:21:47||- Hang in there.
- I hope you flip your bike over...|
|01:21:50||and knock your two front teeth out,
you selfish son of a bitch!|
|01:21:53||You leave me in the trenches
taking grenades, John!|
Wait, wait, wait, wait.|
|01:22:39||MAN [ON TV]:
Tough luck, Ralphie boy|
|01:22:43||I'm watching my stories, man.|
|01:22:46||Is that what you get paid to do?|
|01:22:48||It's exactly what I get paid to do.|
|01:22:51||Look, I want to know where Claire is.|
|01:22:53||She took a bike ride down to the beach.|
|01:22:58||With that fella from the wedding
that everyone seems to be so fond of.|
So you're a venture capitalist?|
|01:23:11||What does that mean?|
|01:23:13||JOHN: Oh, it's really not that
You don't sound very enthused.|
|01:23:19||JOHN: Well, no, it's just...
You know, things start happening...|
|01:23:22||and you go down a road
and you think it's just for a little while.|
|01:23:27||And then you get caught up in it
and you get kind of into it...|
|01:23:32||and just don't even have time
to really ask questions about it.|
|01:23:36||And before you know it, you're living
a life that you didn't set out to...|
|01:23:39||or that you intended to.|
|01:23:42||Do you know what I mean?|
|01:23:45||Yes, I do.|
|01:23:48||I think that there's some great things
that I'd like to do...|
|01:23:51||that maybe I'm capable of, hopefully.|
|01:23:55||Oh, yeah? Like what?|
|01:23:57||I don't know.|
|01:23:59||We'll see. I'm still young.|
|01:24:06||you're not that young.|
|01:24:14||Give me your hands.|
|01:24:15||I know this game. Okay.|
I'm not gonna bite you.|
|01:24:21||Do you want full speed or half speed?|
Oh, ha, ha, wow.|
|01:24:28||You're never gonna hit me,
I don't think. I'm pretty quick.|
|01:24:33||CLAIRE: What? You didn't approve of that?
- Let me get settled before you go.|
|01:24:37||No, because you're supposed to...|
|01:24:40||You gotta wait until I put them back.|
|01:24:45||So, what about you, with Sack?|
|01:24:48||Is that a good thing?|
|01:24:50||Yes, I think it's a good thing.|
|01:24:55||You don't sound very enthused.|
|01:24:59||Well, I mean, I think I am. I....|
|01:25:09||I... You know, we've just been
talking so much about the future lately...|
|01:25:12||and, uh, I mean, I always assumed
that we would get married.|
|01:25:27||But that that's how everyone feels
before they're about to get married.|
|01:25:30||I mean, don't you think?|
|01:25:33||Yeah, no. Don't answer that.|
|01:25:35||That's my rationalization
and I'm sticking to it.|
|01:25:41||And I don't mean to pry.|
|01:25:44||Yes, you did.|
|01:25:51||Well, however it works out,
I hope you....|
|01:25:57||I hope you realize that
you deserve somebody great.|
|01:26:35||I have an announcement.|
|01:26:40||I know that we said
we were gonna wait...|
|01:26:44||but given the spirit
of this weekend, well....|
|01:26:49||Claire, come on. Come on.
Come on, come on, it's okay.|
|01:26:52||Come on. Come on.|
|01:27:03||Claire and I are getting married.|
|01:27:04||[CHATTERING AND CLAPPING]|
Good, Sack. That's wonderful.|
Isn't that great?|
Way to go, man. Way to go.|
|01:27:17||Claire bear, you never told me.|
|01:27:19||Two of the great American families.|
|01:27:21||MAN 3: Claire, you took us all by surprise!
MAN 3: You're good! You're good!|
|01:27:27||Can you just give me one minute?|
|01:27:29||- Yeah. Mmm.
|01:27:34||Congratulations, young man.|
|01:27:35||Welcome to the family.
This is wonderful.|
|01:27:38||Look, kid, I'm sorry. You win some,
you lose some, right? Let's go home.|
|01:27:41||- No, I'm not... I can't do that.
- What are you talking about?|
|01:27:44||Look, I think I'm in love with her.|
|01:27:46||Yeah, I think... I think that you're nuts.
That's what I think.|
|01:27:51||I'm gonna tell her the truth.|
|01:27:59||- Hey. How are you?
|01:28:04||Okay, listen, Gloria,
you know that I think...|
|01:28:07||that you're an amazing person,
a really amazing person...|
|01:28:09||but I feel like I have
to be up-front with you.|
|01:28:12||I really don't see this relationship
going further than this weekend.|
|01:28:15||- But I love you.
|01:28:17||You'll learn as time goes on
that there's a difference...|
|01:28:19||between infatuation and love,
|01:28:23||Obviously, you're gonna have
strong feelings for me...|
|01:28:26||because you lost your virginity to me...|
|01:28:28||- ...but that doesn't mean...
- Oh, I wasn't a virgin.|
- I wasn't a virgin.|
|01:28:35||Far from it.|
|01:28:38||I just thought that that's what guys
wanted to hear.|
|01:28:59||- You okay?
- Not now, Father, please.|
|01:29:02||No offense to you, I think we might be
on different wavelengths.|
|01:29:06||I think you'd just be
spinning your wheels with me.|
|01:29:08||But have a little
of the sacrament here.|
|01:29:10||No one likes to drink alone.
We'll set you up.|
|01:29:14||There you go, get your hands on it.
Take it while it's hot.|
|01:29:16||I'm gonna pour till it's on the tray.
Here it is.|
|01:29:21||Can I ask you a question, Father?|
|01:29:24||You ever get horny?|
|01:29:28||I'm sure you do. But I guess in your
position, right? You're not allowed to...|
|01:29:33||- ...sleep with anybody, right?
|01:29:35||Does that get tough sometimes?|
|01:29:37||Do you ever pull on yourself or...?|
|01:29:42||- Do you get swelled up still?
- Yeah, of course.|
|01:29:45||- Well, what do you do?
- You pray.|
|01:29:48||Yeah, I pray too, you know what I mean?|
|01:30:03||I mean, I believed that she was a virgin.|
|01:30:05||It hurts to be lied to like that.|
|01:30:07||It's a horrible feeling to feel that way.|
|01:30:09||But I was looking
to take advantage of something too.|
|01:30:11||So could I really feel that bad?|
|01:30:14||It's not like I was who I was.
You know? So fair play.|
|01:30:16||And let's be honest here, okay?|
|01:30:18||Let's put all the cards on the table.
She's fit for a straitjacket.|
|01:30:21||She's fucked three ways
towards the weekend.|
|01:30:23||And you wanna know what?
I dig it. It turns me on.|
|01:30:26||Yeah. It turns me on.|
|01:30:28||You wanna know
what the kicker is, Father?|
|01:30:30||Maybe I'm a little fucking crazy.
That's right. Maybe Jeremy's a little nuts.|
|01:30:34||Maybe I'm a little cuckoo.|
|01:30:36||I know it's a surprise.
It's not on the surface.|
|01:30:38||I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid.
His name was Shilo.|
|01:30:41||We used to play checkers
with each other every day...|
|01:30:43||and bless his heart,
Shilo would always let me win.|
|01:30:48||And that ain't normal.
There's something odd in that.|
|01:30:50||Maybe that's what it takes to make you feel
connected to somebody. I don't know.|
|01:30:54||I know when that redhead
starts getting kooky...|
|01:30:56||that something about me
feels alive inside.|
|01:30:59||I dig talking with you.
You're an enlightened cat...|
|01:31:01||and I like that about you.
I think you're a special, special man.|
|01:31:05||Okay, come in for the real thing.|
|01:31:07||- Get in here for the real thing.
- Oh, oh.|
|01:31:09||I love you. You're a sweet man.|
|01:31:11||Oh, dear God.|
|01:31:29||You can't marry this guy.|
|01:31:33||Because I've fallen for you.|
|01:31:41||[CELL PHONE RINGING]|
|01:31:42||WOMAN: Oh, this is wonderful.
|01:31:44||Good news travels fast.|
|01:31:46||Excuse me. I'm just gonna take this.
Sorry, thanks. Thanks.|
|01:31:51||Trapster, talk to me.|
|01:32:01||And do you maybe feel the same way?|
|01:32:06||That's all I needed to know.|
|01:32:08||But this is crazy,
because I don't know any...|
- I don't know anything about you!|
|01:32:13||- What do you mean?
- You do investments in New Hampshire...|
|01:32:16||and you have a crazy brother...|
|01:32:19||I need to talk to you.
It's not a big deal...|
|01:32:21||but maybe you wanna
sit back on the swing.|
|01:32:26||Johnny! She's trying to kill me!|
- Get the gun from her!|
|01:32:32||Put the gun down! Mother, stop!|
|01:32:35||This is the real world, lady!|
|01:32:36||You can't just go
shooting people on a whim!|
Why does Grandma have a gun?|
|01:32:40||- What did you do?
- I told you that in confidence.|
|01:32:45||- That was a confession.
- What are you talking about?|
|01:32:49||Why don't you tell her, John?|
|01:32:53||- I don't know what's going on.
- You don't know?|
|01:32:55||- I'm playing catch-up, too.
- I don't...|
|01:32:56||CLAIRE: Sack, what are you doing?
SACK: Remembering yet?|
|01:32:59||- You remember yet?
CLAIRE: Are you okay?|
|01:33:00||SACK: They're not who
they say they are, Claire.|
|01:33:02||- Those aren't even their real names.
|01:33:05||- Everything he told you is a lie.
CLAIRE: I don't understand.|
|01:33:08||Claire, they crash weddings.|
|01:33:10||They crash weddings
so they can sleep with girls.|
|01:33:13||Everything that they have told us
is a complete fabrication.|
|01:33:16||- No, you're joking.
- All of it is... Don't you fucking get up.|
|01:33:19||- Sack, will you just stop?
- Okay, okay.|
|01:33:22||CLAIRE: Is that true?
- No, well, it's... Not entirely.|
|01:33:26||No, it's a yes-or-no question.|
|01:33:28||I know, but it's complicated.|
Yes or no?|
|01:33:37||Yes or no?|
|01:33:42||With shades of gray.|
|01:33:47||I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding?
Neither are you.|
|01:33:52||And you wanna know what? I dig it.|
|01:33:55||Jeremy tried to seduce me!|
|01:34:01||I want my painting back.|
|01:34:03||The painting was a gift, Todd.|
|01:34:05||I'm taking it with me.|
|01:34:08||You had me going, son.|
|01:34:10||I thought it was something special.|
|01:34:12||There's a ferry leaving in 1 0 minutes.|
|01:34:16||I suggest you be on it.|
|01:34:19||Come on, let's go.|
|01:34:23||- [WHISPERING] I want you.
- [WHISPERING] I love you.|
|01:34:28||He made a fool out of you, Claire.|
|01:34:35||Come on, let's go.|
|01:35:21||Now bunch those panties up
into a little ball.|
|01:35:25||Put that little ball right in your mouth.
Oh, that's good.|
|01:35:27||- Hang up the phone.
|01:35:30||And I will definitely
call you back later then.|
|01:35:32||- Come on, wrap it up.
- Talk to you soon. Thank you, Larry.|
|01:35:35||What the fuck?
You can't knock anymore?|
|01:35:37||- I know how I can get to her.
|01:35:39||I know how I can get to Claire.|
|01:35:42||John, you gotta drop this thing.
I can't do this anymore with you, okay?|
|01:35:46||It's been months,
you haven't heard anything from her.|
|01:35:48||She hasn't returned your phone calls,
she's never responded to your letters.|
|01:35:51||- She didn't respond to the candygram.
|01:35:54||God knows what happened
to the kitten you got her.|
|01:35:56||She didn't keep it and I know
you're not raising that thing.|
- I think it's very obvious...|
|01:36:00||at this juncture that she just flat out
does not wanna see you.|
|01:36:05||I disagree. Now, look, they're having
the engagement party...|
|01:36:07||for her tonight at the Burke's club.
We're going at 7:30.|
|01:36:10||I'm not g... John, I can't...
Heh, heh, heh.|
|01:36:13||Okay, okay, listen to me.
|01:36:16||- Listen to me. I can't go.
|01:36:18||Because I can't go, because I have
a schedule. Because I have...|
|01:36:23||What is your deal?
What is your problem?|
|01:36:25||For the past couple months
you've been a ghost.|
|01:36:28||I can't find you,
and now I come to you with an idea...|
|01:36:30||put myself on the line,
you shoot it down with negativity.|
|01:36:32||Your goddamn negativity.
I don't need it. I'm an idea man.|
|01:36:36||I thrive on enthusiasm. Don't take
the wind out of my sails. I need you.|
|01:36:39||Buddy, you know I love you,
and I hate to see you like this...|
|01:36:44||but we gotta look at reality here.|
|01:36:45||There's gonna be Secret Service.
They have pictures of us.|
|01:36:48||There's not a shot in hell
we can get into this thing.|
|01:36:51||You're so cautious.
I'm more of a risk taker.|
|01:36:53||I'm two steps ahead of you
and 1 0 steps ahead of the Secret Service.|
|01:36:57||Oh, yeah. 46 extra long,
baba ganoush special.|
|01:37:03||Buddy, for your own good,
you gotta let this thing go.|
|01:37:06||Now, I'm gonna
meet you there at 7:30, okay?|
|01:37:24||JOHN: Hey, how do I look?
- Good, man.|
- Where's your friend?|
|01:37:28||Late, as usual. Is Claire...?|
|01:37:30||- Oh, she's looking fine.
|01:37:54||SACK: Next thing you know they pick me
up, put me on the top of this mountain...|
|01:37:58||and they start chanting,
and I realized...|
|01:38:01||they thought I was God.|
|01:38:05||And I'll tell you something,
I thought I was too.|
|01:38:21||[BAND PLAYING POLKA MUSIC]|
|01:38:43||Let's go, sport.|
|01:38:48||Whoa, hold it.|
|01:38:57||Okay, Sackmaster, one more.
We should get back to the bar.|
|01:39:05||You get near my fiancée again...|
|01:39:08||I'll kill you.|
|01:39:12||Let me say one thing.|
|01:39:19||You check out the rack
on that bartender?|
|01:39:20||Hey, you're the Sack.
She'll come to you.|
|01:39:23||Oh, my God...
Yeah, she will. You're right.|
|01:39:49||[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]|
|01:40:07||Johnny, wait a second.|
|01:40:09||Come on, John!|
|01:40:10||Oh, what time is it?|
|01:40:13||John, will you wait a second
so I can talk to you?|
|01:40:15||Hold on, man.|
|01:40:17||Will you stop? I'm not gonna chase you
down the whole fucking street, man.|
|01:40:21||- Hold on a second. Let me talk to you.
- About what?|
|01:40:24||About how you left me high and dry
to get my ass kicked by Sack again?|
|01:40:27||Sack did that to you?|
|01:40:28||How long you been sneaking
around with Gloria behind my back?|
|01:40:31||I wanted to tell you about Gloria.
I tried to. I didn't know how.|
|01:40:34||And I'm sorry that you had
to find out this way.|
|01:40:37||I'll level with you.|
|01:40:39||I care about her a lot.|
|01:40:42||I love her.|
|01:40:47||You're unbelievable. Judas.|
|01:40:50||Rule number 5: You're an idiot.|
|01:40:53||JEREMY: You're wrong to pull out the
rulebook. There was never rules about this.|
|01:40:56||What's the rule about walking away? Never
walk away on a crasher in a funny jacket.|
|01:41:00||Rule number 115.|
|01:41:03||You're an asshole.|
|01:41:25||[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV]|
|01:41:36||[MAN CONTINUES SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
|01:41:41||JOHN [ON ANSWERING MACHINE]:
This is John. Whatever.|
Hey, John, it's Jeremy|
|01:41:47||Just calling to see what you're up to|
|01:41:50||Would love to hear back from you, man|
|01:41:52||Give me a shout|
|01:41:55||We'll do the wedding
in peaches and apricots.|
|01:41:57||It's a June wedding,
but if the weather turns nasty...|
|01:41:59||- ...warm colors will really help you.
- That's right....|
|01:42:14||Johnny, open up, man.|
|01:42:16||Does anyone ever feel
like they're just...|
|01:42:21||I feel so much like giving up.|
|01:42:36||Put your hands out like this.|
|01:42:43||Hi. Thanks for coming.|
|01:42:46||MAN 1: Hey!
MAN 2: Get off her! What are you doing?|
|01:42:51||- You're supposed to move your hands.
- You're not getting enough attention?|
|01:42:57||Love doesn't exist.
That's what I'm trying to tell you guys.|
|01:43:00||And I'm not picking on love...|
|01:43:02||because I don't think
friendship exists either.|
|01:43:11||Shout! Put your hands up and shout!|
|01:43:17||Are you okay? Get up, buddy.|
|01:43:20||Move it on.|
|01:43:23||JEREMY: Gloria, I've been doing a lot
of soul-searching lately...|
|01:43:26||and I think that I'm ready
to take, um, this relationship...|
|01:43:31||our relationship, to the next level.|
|01:43:33||To what the next level
of the relationship would be.|
|01:43:37||- Jeremy. Jeremy!
- Is that good?|
|01:43:39||I am so ready to take it
to the next level too.|
|01:43:41||Do you wanna watch me with a girl?|
|01:43:43||What about those Brazilian twins
we met at the ballgame?|
|01:43:48||I was... I was thinking more along
the lines of an engagement.|
|01:43:53||But that sounds terrific.
That sounds unbelievable.|
|01:43:55||The Brazilian girls were very nice.
They seemed like...|
|01:43:58||Oh, Jeremy, I do!|
|01:44:01||- I love you.
- I love you.|
|01:44:03||I can't believe that
they're getting married.|
|01:44:06||I mean, don't you think
that's really soon?|
|01:44:08||Well, you know Gloria. She's impetuous.|
|01:44:11||Has to have what she wants
when she wants it.|
|01:44:13||Well, we had to give her a Sweet 1 6...|
|01:44:17||on her 1 3th birthday.
You remember that.|
|01:44:19||Yeah, I remember, but this is...|
|01:44:22||Dad, this is marriage.|
|01:44:23||When you know what you want,
you know what you want.|
|01:44:32||which of these do you like?|
|01:44:39||Well, I could go with
the tall tapered arrangement...|
|01:44:43||with tulips and freesias and orchids...|
|01:44:46||or I could go with a votive
of roses and lilies, I don't know.|
|01:44:53||- Claire bear.
|01:45:09||we have no way of knowing
what lays ahead for us in the future.|
|01:45:14||All we can do is...|
|01:45:17||use the information at hand
to make the best decision possible.|
|01:45:24||It's gonna be fine.|
|01:45:26||- Your whole life is gonna be fine.
|01:45:30||[KNOCKING ON DOOR]|
|01:45:43||Can't let a little pissing and moaning
|01:45:46||Right, that's today.|
|01:45:54||I see you've been getting
into a little light reading.|
|01:45:57||That's not mine.
I bought that for a friend.|
|01:46:01||- So how you been?
- Great. Really spectacular.|
|01:46:04||Good. What have you been up to?|
|01:46:06||You know, this and that.
- No, not alone.|
|01:46:12||Well, who you been crashing with, then?|
- John, you don't even know Chazz...|
|01:46:19||Yes, I do. He's a great guy.
We've been having a ball together.|
|01:46:23||All right, look,
I wanted to come by here...|
|01:46:26||and tell you that I feel really bad about
everything that's happened between us.|
|01:46:30||Your friendship means a lot to me.|
|01:46:33||I miss seeing you.|
|01:46:36||I know, I....|
|01:46:38||Look, I'm happy for you.
I'm glad you found someone.|
|01:46:43||I can't tell you how glad it makes me
to hear you say that, man.|
|01:46:47||Get on in here,
let the big bear get his paws on you.|
|01:46:50||You know I love you.|
|01:46:52||- It's good to see you.
- Good to see you.|
|01:46:54||You sure you've been okay?
This does not look like a guy who's okay.|
|01:46:57||- I know. It's like a pigsty.
- It's like a mosh pit in here.|
|01:47:01||Listen, I'm getting married.|
|01:47:02||- Get out.
|01:47:04||- You just said that you were happy for me...
- I'm hanging by a thread.|
|01:47:08||I'm reading don't-kill-myself books.|
|01:47:10||- You said it wasn't yours.
- Don't worry about the book.|
|01:47:13||It isn't mine, but I glanced at it.|
|01:47:17||John, you've been my friend
for 1 6 years. I'm getting married.|
|01:47:21||I need you there to be my best man.|
|01:47:25||- I'm try...
- Kindly leave.|
|01:47:36||- It'd mean a lot to me if you came.
- Oh, I bet it would, hillbilly.|
|01:47:41||- White trash.
- What are you talking about?|
|01:47:47||You better get your ass to that wedding.|
- Hi, is Chazz here?|
|01:48:05||Chazz, there's someone
here to see you!|
|01:48:09||Pick up your fucking skateboard!|
|01:48:12||[MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]|
|01:48:38||What the fuck do you want?|
|01:48:40||I'm John Beckwith.
I'm friends with Jeremy Grey.|
|01:48:44||Goddamn it, why didn't you say so?|
|01:48:47||Come here, brother. Give me a hug.|
|01:48:50||Bring it in for the real thing.|
|01:48:55||Have a seat. Yeah.|
|01:49:01||I almost numchucked you,
you don't even realize.|
|01:49:07||- Is this your place?
- No. No, no, no.|
|01:49:10||- No, I live with my ma.
|01:49:12||Yeah. You hungry?|
|01:49:14||Hey, Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?|
|01:49:16||Chazz, I think I'm okay.
I had a bite right before I came over.|
|01:49:19||- Thank you.
- You sure?|
|01:49:21||So how's my protégé?|
|01:49:23||- Jeremy, boy, he...
- Yeah, J-bone.|
|01:49:26||J-bone is... Believe it or not,
he's getting married.|
|01:49:33||What an idiot!|
|01:49:36||Oh, what a loser!|
|01:49:38||Good. Good. More for me and you.|
|01:49:42||More for... More for, uh...|
|01:49:48||I gotta go.|
Hey, babe, yeah.|
|01:49:51||You do whatever you have to do.|
- Okay, be strong.|
|01:50:11||I'm just living the dream.|
|01:50:19||Oh, man, I feel like, "Wow!"|
|01:50:21||It's like I come over,
I don't know what to expect.|
|01:50:23||I gotta be honest, I come in, it's like... A
little like I'm trying to get my bearings.|
|01:50:27||There's cartoons, your mom,
and it's like, you still got it!|
|01:50:30||Look at her.
"Just living the dream," I love that.|
|01:50:34||I will have some meatloaf.
Let's have some meatloaf.|
|01:50:37||- You want some? I knew you'd come...
|01:50:39||Hey, Mom! The meatloaf!|
|01:50:42||We want it now! The meatloaf!|
|01:50:47||What is she doing? I never know
what she's doing back there.|
|01:50:51||"Just living the dream."
Where did you get that girl?|
|01:50:53||- She's hot.
- I got her yesterday.|
|01:50:57||I rode my bike over
to a cemetery nearby.|
|01:51:00||Her boyfriend just died.|
|01:51:04||- You met her at a funeral?
|01:51:06||Dude died in a hang-gliding accident.
What an idiot!|
|01:51:12||Ahh! "I'm hang-gliding!
Honey, take a good picture... I'm dead!"|
|01:51:18||What a freak.|
|01:51:20||You met her at a funeral.|
|01:51:24||Yeah, I'll throw in a wedding every
now and then, but funerals are insane.|
|01:51:28||The chicks are so horny,
it's not even fair.|
|01:51:31||It's like fishing with dynamite.|
- Yeah, crazy horny.|
|01:51:37||I just... At a funeral?|
|01:51:40||Grief is nature's
most powerful aphrodisiac.|
|01:51:45||- Look it up.
- I didn't know that.|
|01:51:48||That's what I've learned.|
|01:51:50||Ma, the meatloaf! Fuck!|
|01:51:54||Saturday... I got one Saturday.|
|01:51:56||You're coming with!|
|01:51:58||Chazz, I'm sorry, I don't...|
|01:52:00||I'm not judging you,
because I think you're an innovator...|
|01:52:05||but there's no way
I'm ready for that.|
|01:52:09||PRIEST: A time to plant, and a time
to pluck up that which is planted.|
|01:52:13||A time to kill and a time to heal.|
|01:52:16||A time to break down
and a time to build up.|
|01:52:19||A time to weep and a time to laugh.|
|01:52:27||PRIEST: A time to cast away stones....
CHAZZ: It's so senseless.|
|01:52:30||Damn you, Roger.|
|01:52:37||[CHAZZ CONTINUES SOBBING]|
|01:52:42||Damn you, Roger!|
|01:52:44||Damn it! Damn you!|
|01:52:46||I'm in pain.|
|01:52:48||Try to fight it. Try to fight it.|
|01:52:51||I don't know about you people,
but I'm in pain.|
|01:52:53||I know that there is no good in them...|
|01:52:56||for man to rejoice
and to do good in his life...|
|01:53:01||for that which befalleth
the sons of men, befalleth beasts.|
|01:53:06||Even one thing befalleth...|
|01:53:08||as the one dieth, so dieth the other.|
|01:53:12||Yea, they all have one breath...|
|01:53:14||so that a man hath no preeminence
above the beast.|
|01:53:19||While each man thinks he knows love...|
|01:53:21||love, we have learned, is a mystery.|
|01:53:26||That's what makes today so special.|
|01:53:31||We witness two people
choosing to marry...|
|01:53:35||ones they truly love.|
|01:53:46||Whoa, whoa, hey!|
|01:53:51||He's the best man.|
|01:54:15||I don't believe this.|
|01:54:27||Hat in hand.|
|01:54:29||I'm sorry I'm late.|
|01:54:31||I'm glad you're here.|
|01:54:33||And I'm sorry I called you white trash.
|01:54:36||- John, apology accepted.
|01:54:39||And I'm sorry I called you a hillbilly,
I don't even know what that meant.|
|01:54:42||John, it's okay.|
|01:54:45||Do you mind if I get married now?|
|01:54:47||- No, go ahead.
- [MOUTHING] Okay.|
|01:54:53||Although we may choose
whom we marry...|
|01:54:57||- ...we don't always choose....
|01:54:58||[WHISPERING] Claire, I'm not here to
bother you, I just came to be his best man.|
|01:55:02||Don't worry about me.
Pretend I'm not here.|
|01:55:08||I'm not a nut.|
|01:55:13||You look really pretty, by the way.
That's all I'm gonna say.|
|01:55:18||I can't stop thinking about you.|
|01:55:20||It's all I think about
and I don't know what to do.|
- I'm sorry.|
You see, love is mysterious....|
|01:55:29||God, I miss you.|
Okay, excuse me, I'm sorry.|
|01:55:37||[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Claire, hold it a second. Claire, Claire.|
|01:55:40||Claire, will you wait just a second?|
|01:55:42||All I wanted was a second alone
so I could try to explain things.|
|01:55:47||But I've never gotten that chance.|
|01:55:50||Maybe I don't deserve it.|
|01:55:52||So here goes.|
|01:55:54||For longer than I care to remember,
my business has been crashing weddings.|
|01:55:59||I crashed weddings to meet girls.|
|01:56:01||Business was good.|
|01:56:04||I met a lot of girls.|
|01:56:06||And it was childish, it was juvenile...|
|01:56:11||Yeah, that's probably
the best word to describe it.|
|01:56:15||But you know what?
It also led me to you.|
|01:56:18||So it's hard for me
to completely regret it.|
|01:56:21||And that person that you met back
at your folks' place, that was really me.|
|01:56:25||Maybe not my name...
I'm John Beckwith, by the way.|
|01:56:29||Or my job...|
|01:56:30||but the feelings we felt...|
|01:56:32||the jokes, the stupid laughs,
that was all me.|
|01:56:36||I've changed. I've realized something.|
|01:56:39||- I crashed a funeral earlier, and I...
|01:56:47||It wasn't my idea.
I was basically dragged to it.|
|01:56:50||I went with Chazz, who you forgot
to tell me is totally insane.|
|01:56:54||He also might be a genius, because
it actually does work. He's cleaning up.|
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.|
|01:57:01||That's neither here nor there.|
|01:57:02||And I see this widow and she's a wreck.|
|01:57:06||She's just lost the person
she loves the most in this world.|
|01:57:10||And I realized we're all gonna
lose the people we love.|
|01:57:14||That's the way it is.|
|01:57:16||But not me, not right now.|
|01:57:20||Because the person I love the most
is standing right here...|
|01:57:24||and I'm not ready to lose you yet.|
|01:57:26||Claire, I'm not standing here
asking you to marry me.|
|01:57:30||I'm just asking you...|
|01:57:33||not to marry him.|
|01:57:36||And maybe take a walk.|
|01:57:38||Take a chance.|
|01:57:45||This congregation really doesn't care about
how depressing your life is, John, okay?|
|01:57:50||Claire, baby, could you go back up
on the altar so we can have a wedding?|
|01:58:03||I can't marry you.|
|01:58:11||your daughter's a little....|
|01:58:16||Sack, I've always liked you...|
|01:58:20||so I put up with your stories
about scallops and otters...|
|01:58:25||and it's all good because
you seemed to make her happy...|
|01:58:28||and that's what matters to me most.|
|01:58:31||But this is her decision.|
|01:58:37||I stand by my daughter.|
|01:58:39||You don't know shit.|
|01:58:41||- Claire, go back up on the altar.
|01:58:43||Claire! Claire, get up
on that altar right now.|
|01:58:47||Claire, get your fucking ass
on that altar right now!|
|01:58:50||Wow, getting a nice preview
of what marriage is gonna be like...|
|01:58:52||with Ike Turner here.|
- Oh, God, here it goes.|
|01:59:00||[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]|
|01:59:01||Share that with the Dalai Lama, jackass.|
|01:59:05||- I think I had him.
- I know you did.|
|01:59:08||Just go kiss the broad.|
|01:59:21||Would it be a total cliché
if I kissed you right now?|
|01:59:39||So damn beautiful.|
|01:59:43||With every death there comes rebirth.|
|01:59:46||- It's the circle of life.
|01:59:49||We're gonna be all right.|
|02:00:07||- So, what's next?
- I'm starving.|
|02:00:09||Fujimora wedding, 3 p.m.|
|02:00:13||I'm just throwing it out there.
I'm just saying, just....|
|02:00:18||They would have great tempura.|
|02:00:20||We don't even have a back-story,
|02:00:22||- No, forget it, forget it.
- I'm talking out loud.|
|02:00:26||We're a folk-singing group
from Salt Lake City.|
|02:00:32||Yes, we are.|