Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

00:00:47There was a time, a time before cable,
00:00:52when the local anchorman reigned supreme,
00:00:58when people believed everything they heard on TV.
00:01:02This was an age when only men were allowed to read the news.
00:01:08And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man than the rest.
00:01:12His name was Ron Burgundy.
00:01:17He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals.
00:01:20He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr,
00:01:25and suits so fine
00:01:27they made Sinatra look like a hobo.
00:01:30In other words, Ron Burgundy was the balls.
00:01:36Mmm. I look good.
00:01:40I mean, really good.
00:01:43Hey, everyone! Come and see how good I look!
00:01:56Mm, ehh, mm.
00:01:59Ribs. I had ribs for lunch. That's why I'm doing this.
00:02:03How now brown cow. How now brown cow.
00:02:07How now brown cow.
00:02:08How are you? You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm?
00:02:13Maybe don't wear a bra next time.
00:02:17No, I was talking to you. No, not her.
00:02:20I don't know her name. What is it?
00:02:26La-lanolin? Like sheep's wool?
00:02:29Unique New York.
00:02:32Unique New York.
00:02:33Mm, I love Scotch.
00:02:35I love Scotch. Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch.
00:02:38Here it goes down.
00:02:39Down into my belly. Mm-mm-mm.
00:02:42The arsonist has oddly shaped feet.
00:02:44How much time? 30? 30 seconds?
00:02:48- You are on. - I'm on right now?
00:02:51I don't believe you.
00:02:53- # Doo doo doo. # - Ron!
00:02:56Oh, come on. Audrey.
00:02:58I look like hell. I got bags under my eyes.
00:03:01What's that? If you were a man,
00:03:03I'd punch you right in the mouth.
00:03:05That's bush. Bush league.
00:03:07The human torch was denied a bank loan.
00:03:11You hear me? Audrey, look at me!
00:03:14I'm sorry.
00:03:16All right? I'm sorry.
00:03:18Ha ha! Ha ha ha ho!
00:03:21Ha ha ho.
00:03:23Ha oh!
00:03:26All right, we're on.
00:03:28Ready, Phil.
00:03:30We're on in five, four...
00:03:33When the clock struck 6:00,
00:03:35it meant one thing for Ron Burgundy
00:03:37and his news team: Go time.
00:03:40Channel 4 News,
00:03:40Channel 4 News,
00:03:42with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor
00:03:45Ron Burgundy.
00:03:47Champ Kind, sports.
00:03:49Ooh! Hoo-hoo!
00:03:51Brick Tamland, weather.
00:03:56And your reporter in the field, Brian Fantana.
00:04:02It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.
00:04:08Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy,
00:04:10and this is what's happening in your world tonight.
00:04:13A La Jolla man clings to life at a university hospital
00:04:16after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs
00:04:20in an abandoned pool.
00:04:21Hey, everybody! Shut the hell up! Ron Burgundy's on!
00:04:26Authorities are still uncertain as to why the man
00:04:29- was loitering... - Ron Burgundy.
00:04:32Oh, my gosh! She said her first words!
00:04:34Right now it's 82' in our fair city,
00:04:37and compare that to 48' in the upper Northwest
00:04:41and 38' in the Middle East.
00:04:44Off the coast of Tampa Bay yesterday,
00:04:46one lucky cameraman happened to catch
00:04:48an unusual aquatic daredevil.
00:04:51What you're about to see is a Channel 4 News exclusive.
00:04:55His name is Nutty the Squirrel,
00:04:58and he's three years old.
00:05:00How 'bout that?
00:05:03That squirrel can water-ski.
00:05:08- Man, that's hilarious. - Yeah, that's good.
00:05:11For all of us here at News Center 4,
00:05:14I'm Ron Burgundy.
00:05:16You stay classy, San Diego.
00:05:18You stay classy, San Diego.
00:05:22Listen up. The ratings just came in for last month.
00:05:25We are number one. We just grabbed every key demographic.
00:05:28- Super-duper, gang! - Yeah! Yeah!
00:05:31Super-duper! That's nice!
00:05:33Way to go! Neat-o, gang.
00:05:34- Yes! - Boy, Ed.
00:05:36That is good news. I gotta be honest.
00:05:38- Congrats, congrats. - That is good news!
00:05:41- All right! - Stick around.
00:05:43Make sure these guys don't party too much.
00:05:45- They don't really ever listen to me. - Just get it done.
00:05:48Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention?
00:05:48Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention?
00:05:52I've just been handed an urgent
00:05:54and horrifying news story.
00:05:57I need all of you to stop what you're doing
00:06:00and listen.
00:06:07Yes, these fellas were a real news team.
00:06:11Burgundy, of course, was the foundation, the rock.
00:06:14But each member brought their own special something to the equation.
00:06:18People call me the Bri-man.
00:06:21I'm the stylish one of the group.
00:06:23I know what you're asking yourself,
00:06:25and the answer is yes, I have a nickname for my penis.
00:06:28It's called the Octagon.
00:06:30But I also nicknamed my testes.
00:06:32My left one is James Westfall,
00:06:34and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.
00:06:37You ladies play your cards right, you might get to meet the whole gang.
00:06:41Bang, boom, they were showing lasers
00:06:43every Friday night.
00:06:46Champ here. I'm all about havin' fun.
00:06:49You know, get a couple of cocktails in me,
00:06:52start a fire in someone's kitchen.
00:06:54Maybe go to SeaWorld, take my pants off.
00:06:56Anyway, I've become kind of famous
00:06:58for my signature catchphrase, "Whammy!"
00:07:02As in, "Gene Tenace at the plate...
00:07:05and whammy!"
00:07:16I'm Brick Tamland.
00:07:18People seem to like me because I am polite
00:07:20and I'm rarely late.
00:07:22I like to eat ice cream,
00:07:24and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.
00:07:27Years later, a doctor will tell me
00:07:30that I have an lQ of 48
00:07:33and am what some people call
00:07:35"mentally retarded."
00:07:38- Whoo! Marco! - Polo!
00:07:42- Brian. - You having a good time?
00:07:44- I'm having a great time. - That makes two of us.
00:07:47You've gotta meet this girl.
00:07:48She used to be a Charger cheerleader, but she broke her pelvis.
00:07:52Sherri, meet Ron Burgundy.
00:07:54- Hey, Ron. - Hello.
00:07:56- I've got a big story for you. - Mm-hmm.
00:07:59And it's right here.
00:08:00Well, hello.
00:08:04You pointed to your boobies.
00:08:06Oh, my God, you did!
00:08:10- Ron Burgundy? - Yes?
00:08:13I have had a crush on you since I was a little girl.
00:08:16Let's go somewhere.
00:08:18I'm telling you, it don't get no better than this.
00:08:21We've been coming to the same party for 12 years,
00:08:24and in no way is that depressing.
00:08:30# Gonna make our own lightning #
00:08:33# Yeah, she got the way to move me, Cherry #
00:08:36# She got the way to groove me #
00:08:38# Cherry, baby #
00:08:39# She got the way to move me #
00:08:42# She got the way to groove me... #
00:08:48By the beard of Zeus!
00:08:54Excuse me.
00:08:58Ron, where you going? What, are you crazy? Ron!
00:09:01If you're coming down the baseline, you gotta take home plate from me!
00:09:05So there I go, head first, boom!
00:09:12I've lost her.
00:09:37Hope I'm not disturbing you, but, uh,
00:09:41I saw you from across the party, and, uh,
00:09:44I don't usually do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something.
00:09:50You have...
00:09:51an absolutely breathtaking...
00:09:56I mean, that thing is good.
00:09:59I want to be friends with it.
00:10:02Well, you certainly know how to compliment a woman.
00:10:05Now, if you'll excuse me.
00:10:07Do you know who I am?
00:10:11No, I can't say that I do.
00:10:13I don't know how to put this,
00:10:17but I'm kind of a big deal.
00:10:22People know me.
00:10:24I've very happy for you.
00:10:26I'm very important.
00:10:28I have...
00:10:30many leather-bound books,
00:10:32and my apartment
00:10:34smells of rich mahogany.
00:10:38That's stupid.
00:10:42No, no, that's... very exciting.
00:10:45Listen, can l--
00:10:47can I start over again?
00:10:52I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there.
00:10:55If you like it, you can take it.
00:10:57If you don't, send it right back.
00:11:00I wanna be on you.
00:11:04Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:11:13I wanna be on you.
00:11:33Papa's home.
00:11:35There he is. There's my little man.
00:11:37You're okay?
00:11:39Of course I met a lady tonight.
00:11:44This one was different. I have to be honest.
00:11:47Quite different.
00:11:51I'm lonely? I'm not lonely!
00:11:53I'm beloved by everyone in San Diego.
00:12:03You know how to cut to the core of me, Baxter.
00:12:06You're so wise.
00:12:10You're like a miniature Buddha
00:12:13covered in hair.
00:12:14Come again?
00:12:19You know I don't speak Spanish. In English, please.
00:12:24You pooped in the refrigerator?
00:12:26And you ate a whole wheel of cheese?
00:12:30How'd you do that?
00:12:32I'm not even mad. That's amazing.
00:12:35I forgive you.
00:12:38What do you say we get you in your pj's and hit the hay?
00:12:41Bedtime. Okay, come on. Let's go. Come on.
00:13:00Oh, that was one crazy party.
00:13:02I am hung over.
00:13:06I woke up this morning
00:13:18All right, guys. Let's focus up.
00:13:21Morning, everyone.
00:13:23Here are the stories we're going to be chasing today.
00:13:26It looks like Ling Wong,
00:13:28the rare panda at the San Diego Zoo, is pregnant.
00:13:31This is a big one.
00:13:32This could be the big story of the summer.
00:13:35Network is gonna be wanting plenty of coverage.
00:13:38And speaking of network, word on the street is
00:13:41they're looking for a new anchor.
00:13:43- So, Ron... - Huh? Network?
00:13:45Are they here?
00:13:51A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining
00:13:54about a lack of diversity on the news team.
00:14:04What in the hell's diversity?
00:14:06Well, I could be wrong,
00:14:08but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship
00:14:12that was used during the Civil War era.
00:14:15I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned
00:14:18about the lack of an old wooden ship,
00:14:20but nice try.
00:14:22Diversity means that times are changing,
00:14:25and with that in mind--
00:14:27- Ron, are you paying attention? - Nope.
00:14:30- This concerns all of us. - Okay.
00:14:32Keeping that in mind, I'd like to introduce the latest addition
00:14:36to the KVWN News Team,
00:14:38directly from WYPN
00:14:41in Asheville, North Carolina,
00:14:44Ms. Veronica Corningstone.
00:14:47- # Who's that lady? # - Hello.
00:14:50- # Who's that lady... # - Hello, everyone.
00:14:53- Oh! - I just want you all to know
00:14:55that I look forward to contributing
00:14:57to this news station's already sterling reputation.
00:15:03I mean, come on, Ed! It's bullcrap!
00:15:06Don't get me wrong. I love the ladies.
00:15:08They rev my engine, but they don't belong in the newsroom!
00:15:12It is anchorman, not anchorlady!
00:15:15- And that is a scientific fact! - Uh-huh.
00:15:19I don't know what we're yelling about!
00:15:23Ron, what do you think?
00:15:25She-- sh-- it's terrible!
00:15:27She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon!
00:15:31Loud noises!
00:15:34All right, everyone relax. She's not gonna take anyone's airtime.
00:15:38I read somewhere that their periods attract bears.
00:15:41Bears can smell the menstruation.
00:15:44Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed?
00:15:48Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.
00:15:51I will say one thing for her, Ed,
00:15:53she does have a nice, big old behind.
00:15:56I'd like to put some barbecue sauce on that butt
00:16:00and just bite, bite, bite, bite, munch, munch, munch!
00:16:02- Ah-whoo! - Stop it! Oh, Jeez.
00:16:08Look at the full-moon butt!
00:16:11Champ! Champ! Champ, Champ!
00:16:15Mr. Harken, I was just wondering
00:16:17if you knew when my office would be ready.
00:16:19Well, that might take some time.
00:16:21For now, why don't you just grab a desk in the bullpen?
00:16:24You can use my office! Then afterwards maybe we can go to lunch!
00:16:29Lower your voice, Ron.
00:16:32All right. Thank you, Mr. Harken.
00:16:35I'll go get my desk set up.
00:16:45Oh, she is a saucy mama! I mean, I would...
00:16:50Here we go again.
00:16:53Every station it's the same.
00:16:55Women ask me how I put up with it.
00:16:58Well, the truth is, I don't really have a choice.
00:17:00This is definitely a man's world.
00:17:02But while they're laughing and grab-assing,
00:17:04I'm chasing down leads
00:17:06and practicing my nonregional diction.
00:17:09Because the only way to win is to be the best.
00:17:12The very best.
00:17:17Touchy situation.
00:17:19I think the best thing to do with this Corningstone,
00:17:22to keep her in line, is bed her quick.
00:17:25Oh, that behind is driving me loco!
00:17:28I'm like a night wolf.
00:17:31Guys, take it easy. Just take it easy!
00:17:33- She's got feelings, too. - Oh, my God!
00:17:37Listen to Burgundy.
00:17:38He's gone soft on us, like some schoolboy bitch.
00:17:41You sound like a gay.
00:17:46Hey! Come on!
00:17:47It's me, Papa Burgundy, all right?
00:17:50As far as I'm concerned, Corningstone's fair game.
00:17:54Huh? Let the games begin!
00:17:59There he is. There he is.
00:18:01I'm very aroused.
00:18:06What's this?
00:18:10Well, well, well.
00:18:14Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4 News Team.
00:18:18Hello, Wes Mantooth.
00:18:20Hello, Evening News Team.
00:18:22Nice clothes, gentlemen.
00:18:23I didn't know the Salvation Army was having a sale.
00:18:28Am I right? Look at these guys.
00:18:33Hey, where did you get those clothes?
00:18:37At the toilet store?
00:18:42What are you doing on our station's turf, Burgundy?
00:18:44You're about to get a serious beat-down.
00:18:47I will smash your face into a car windshield
00:18:50and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth,
00:18:53out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!
00:18:57Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me?
00:19:00- Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! - Hey.
00:19:03Leave the mothers out of this, all right?
00:19:08It's unnecessary.
00:19:11Besides, I'm sure Wes here
00:19:14is just upset over finishing second in the ratings again.
00:19:20That's completely uncalled for, Burgundy.
00:19:23You know those rating systems are flawed.
00:19:25They don't take into account houses that have
00:19:27more than two television sets and other things of that nature.
00:19:31I guess I have to take you at your word,
00:19:34Number Two.
00:19:39You have a great day, fellas.
00:19:41We'll see you around the bend.
00:19:46Son of a bitch!
00:19:48Excusez-moi, Numero Two.
00:19:54Hey, Burgundy.
00:19:56You know those sample audiences aren't big enough!
00:19:58Stop hiding behind those phony numbers, Burgundy! I'm coming after you!
00:20:02I hate you, Ron Burgundy. I hate you!
00:20:07You can't say one word?
00:20:10Even the guy who can't think says something!
00:20:12You guys just stand there? Come on!
00:20:17Right, but I think my son is just going through a phase.
00:20:21I have no idea where
00:20:23he would have gotten ahold of German pornography.
00:20:26But you and l are mature adults.
00:20:28We've both seen our share of pornographic materials.
00:20:31Oh, you never have?
00:20:33Of course you haven't, how stupid of me. Neither have l.
00:20:35I was just speaking in generalities.
00:20:38I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.
00:20:42Ed, she insisted on coming in.
00:20:45Mr. Harken, sir,
00:20:47I will not have my first story at this news station
00:20:50be about a cat fashion show.
00:20:52Miss Corningstone, ma'am,
00:20:55you will do the stories to which you are assigned.
00:20:58Mr. Harken, I am a damn good journalist,
00:21:01and this cat show thing is grade-A baloney.
00:21:04It is not baloney. Now, go do your job, missy!
00:21:07It is baloney!
00:21:14Hey, Ron,
00:21:16I'm gonna take a run at the new girl.
00:21:18Let the games begin.
00:21:21Oh, Champ, Champ, we're not really gonna actually do that.
00:21:24- We were just flapping our gums. - Oh, yeah.
00:21:26You kill me, Burgundy.
00:21:29Let me just grab this. Oh, sorry about that.
00:21:32- Whammy. - Hmm.
00:21:35- Uh, Champ? - Yeah.
00:21:37You're trying to touch my breasts, aren't you?
00:21:40What can I say? I like the way you're put together.
00:21:43What do you say we go out on a date?
00:21:46Have some chicken, maybe some sex.
00:21:49You know, see what happens?
00:21:50Oh, let me get this over here.
00:21:57Oh, there it is.
00:21:59I'll give this little cookie an hour
00:22:01before we're doing the no-pants dance.
00:22:03Time to musk up.
00:22:10It never ceases to amaze me.
00:22:13What cologne you gonna go with?
00:22:15London Gentleman, or--
00:22:17wait. No, no, no. Hold on.
00:22:20Blackbeard's Delight.
00:22:21No, she gets a special cologne.
00:22:25It's called Sex Panther by Odeon.
00:22:28It's illegal in nine countries.
00:22:32Yep, it's made with bits of real panther.
00:22:35- So you know it's good. - It's quite pungent.
00:22:38Oh yeah.
00:22:39It's a formidable scent.
00:22:41It stings the nostrils.
00:22:44- In a good way. - Yep.
00:22:46I'll be honest with you. That smells like pure gasoline.
00:22:49They've done studies, you know.
00:22:5160% of the time, it works every time.
00:22:55That doesn't make sense.
00:22:59Iet's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
00:23:07Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite I'd like to extend your way.
00:23:14My God.
00:23:16What is that smell?
00:23:19That's the smell of desire, milady.
00:23:22God, no, it smells like--
00:23:24Iike a used diaper filled with lndian food.
00:23:27Oh! Excuse me.
00:23:29Desire smells like that to some people.
00:23:31What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair!
00:23:39It smells like Bigfoot's dick!
00:23:44Oh, hell, that's rank!
00:23:48Oh, what's that smell?
00:23:54This is worse than the time the raccoon got in the copier.
00:23:59It's very distracting.
00:24:01- When we get to the pet shop-- - Cough!
00:24:04Look over here.
00:24:05Excuse me, Veronica.
00:24:07Yes, what is it, Brick?
00:24:10I would like to extend to you
00:24:12an invitation to the pants party.
00:24:15Excuse me?
00:24:16The party. The pants--
00:24:19With the pants. Party with pants?
00:24:22Brick, are you saying
00:24:24that there's a party in your pants and I'm invited?
00:24:26That's it.
00:24:28Hmm. Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
00:24:31No-- yes, he did.
00:24:33Okay. No, I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
00:24:37Very well. Ian?
00:24:39Would you like to go to a party in my pants?
00:24:41No, Brick.
00:24:43All right. Let's go!
00:24:47All right, now...
00:24:51I'm telling you, she is a real ball-buster.
00:24:54A real ice queen.
00:24:57Mm. I just burned my tongue.
00:25:00The only way to bag a classy lady
00:25:02is to give her two tickets to the gun show...
00:25:08and see if she likes the goods.
00:25:18- Uh, Mr. Burgundy? - 1,003.
00:25:20Helen said that you needed to see me?
00:25:23Oh, Miss Corningstone.
00:25:24I wasn't expecting company.
00:25:30Just doing my workout.
00:25:33Tuesday's arms and back.
00:25:35- You asked me to come by, sir. - Oh, did l?
00:25:41Oh, it's the deep burn!
00:25:43Oh, it's so deep.
00:25:47I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many.
00:25:50I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over 1,000.
00:25:53You have your ubulus muscle
00:25:55that connects to the upper dorsinus.
00:25:58It's boring, but it's part of my life.
00:26:00I'm just gonna grab this shirt, if you don't mind.
00:26:03Just watch out for the guns. They'll get you.
00:26:07You are pathetic.
00:26:08This has to be the feeblest
00:26:11pickup attempt that I have ever encountered.
00:26:14I expected it from the rest of them, Mr. Burgundy, but not from you.
00:26:18Wait a minute! I-- pickup attempt?
00:26:20I'm offended.
00:26:21I have little time to get to the gym,
00:26:24so I have to sculpt my guns at the office.
00:26:27Oh, stop calling your arms "guns."
00:26:31My plan was to ask you
00:26:34if I could squire you about town
00:26:36as one professional helping another professional,
00:26:39because I know what it's like to be lonely in a new city.
00:26:44- Really? - Yes.
00:26:47But now I am too hurt.
00:26:49And shocked and offended
00:26:52and-- and hurt.
00:26:53I could do that.
00:26:56Well, yes.
00:26:58As a journalist, I should get to know
00:27:00the city that I'm covering.
00:27:02- But this is not a date. - No, of course not.
00:27:05- Strictly professional. - Wonderful.
00:27:08- Hmm. - Great.
00:27:12Shall I pick you up
00:27:17Mm, 9:00.
00:27:22Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection.
00:27:29Yes, I do. Um...
00:27:31I'm sorry, it's the--
00:27:34- it's the pleats. - Mm.
00:27:36It's actually an optical illusion.
00:27:39It's the pattern on the pants.
00:27:41It's not flattering in the crotchal region.
00:27:44I'm actually taking them back right now.
00:27:46Taking them back to the pants store.
00:27:50Oh, this is awkward.
00:27:54and I will see you later.
00:28:06Don't act like you're not impressed.
00:28:08Frame up two.
00:28:10- Let's go to Brian Fantana live... - Gimme a tighter one on two.
00:28:13...with a Channel 4 News exclusive.
00:28:16Panda watch. The mood is tense.
00:28:19I have been on some serious, serious reports,
00:28:21but nothing like this.
00:28:23I-- l-- Ching-- King is inside now.
00:28:26I tried to get an interview, but they said, "You can't.
00:28:29He's a live bear. He will literally rip your face off."
00:28:32Hey! You're making me look stupid!
00:28:35Get out here! Panda jerk!
00:28:38Great story. Compelling and rich.
00:28:43That's gonna do it for all of us at Channel 4 News.
00:28:45You stay classy, San Diego.
00:28:47I'm Ron Burgundy?
00:28:50Damn it! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?
00:28:54For the last time, anything you put on that prompter,
00:28:58Burgundy will read.
00:29:02Oh, God, this is a mistake.
00:29:05This is a mistake.
00:29:06He's very cute. Very cute. No, he's not. He's hairy.
00:29:10There she is! Veronica!
00:29:12My little China doll.
00:29:15I am full of it tonight.
00:29:16Oh, silly. Hi.
00:29:19You look ravishing.
00:29:21It truly is beauty and the beast.
00:29:26I might add a handsome beast at that.
00:29:28Are you ready for our rendezvous?
00:29:29It's not a date.
00:29:31No, strictly professional.
00:29:34Doesn't mean we can't have fun.
00:29:36- Shall we? - Yes.
00:29:43San Diego.
00:29:46Mm! Drink it in.
00:29:48It always goes down smooth.
00:29:52What a beautiful view, Mr. Burgundy.
00:29:54I know. I love this city. It's a--
00:29:57it's a fact.
00:29:59It's the greatest city in the history of mankind.
00:30:03Discovered by the Germans in 1904.
00:30:06They named it San Diago,
00:30:10which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
00:30:16N-- no, there's no way that's correct.
00:30:23I'm sorry. I was trying to impress you.
00:30:28I don't know what it means.
00:30:31I'll be honest. I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore.
00:30:34Scholars maintain that the translation was lost
00:30:36hundreds of years ago.
00:30:38Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?
00:30:42No. No.
00:30:44No, that's-- that's what it means.
00:30:48Well, agree to disagree.
00:30:55May I take your order?
00:30:57Yes, I am going to have three fingers of Glenlivet
00:31:01with a little bit of pepper, and, uh, some cheese.
00:31:04Very good.
00:31:05A Manhattan, and kick the vermouth
00:31:07in the side with a pair of steel-toed boots.
00:31:10- Certainly. - Thank you, Scott.
00:31:11Thank you.
00:31:14Wow. Quite a drink order.
00:31:16Oh, well, when in Rome.
00:31:21Please, go on.
00:31:23Uh, do as the Romans do?
00:31:26It's an old expression.
00:31:28Oh! I've never heard of it.
00:31:30- Oh. - It's wonderful, though.
00:31:32Mr. Burgundy.
00:31:34- Tino! How are you? - So good to see you.
00:31:37You're looking fantastic.
00:31:39Tino, Veronica.
00:31:41Veronica. What a pretty girlfriend.
00:31:43- Drinks are on Tino tonight. - No, no, no.
00:31:45We're work associates. I work at the station.
00:31:48- I'm a journalist. - Oh, okay. This is a good guy.
00:31:51Tino's the finest club owner in the city.
00:31:53- My best friend, right? - Yes.
00:31:55Yes, we have a saying in my country about people like him.
00:31:58"The coyote of the desert
00:32:00always likes to eat the heart of the young,
00:32:03where the blood drips down to children for breakfast, lunch and dinner,
00:32:06- only the ribs will be broken in two." - Tino.
00:32:09Okay. Well, Mr. Burgundy, we will be honored
00:32:12if you will play "yazz" flute for us.
00:32:15- I can't. - Please.
00:32:17You play jazz flute?
00:32:19- I dabble. - Oh.
00:32:21Would everyone love to hear Ron Burgundy play "yazz" flute?
00:32:24- Get it goin', Ronnie! - Yes! Please.
00:32:28You, on stage now.
00:32:29Okay, I guess I can play a little ditty.
00:32:32- Honestly, I'm-- - Come on.
00:32:33- Give him a hand. - I'm not prepared. Not at all.
00:32:37- Yeah! - This is a surprise, I'll tell you.
00:32:41Guys, "East Harlem Shakedown," E flat?
00:32:44Keep the cymbals splashy,
00:32:46and, Jay, let's take the bass line for a walk.
00:32:51Hold on.
00:32:53I'm not hearing it right. Hold on.
00:33:04We got it now. It's all right.
00:33:06Fire up, Ronnie!
00:33:09Little "Ham and Eggs" comin' at you. Hope you got your griddles.
00:33:20That's baby-makin' music, that's what that is.
00:33:28Let's go!
00:34:13Hey, Aqualung!
00:34:27Thank you.
00:34:28Thank you!
00:34:37You were amazing.
00:34:39Mm. Thank you.
00:34:41Where did you learn to play like that?
00:34:43Well, jazz flute
00:34:45has always been a small passion of mine.
00:34:48So what other passions do you have, Mr. Burgundy?
00:34:51Well, I have one great passion that--
00:34:56that lives deep within my loins, like a--
00:35:01Iike a flaming golden hawk:
00:35:05To one day become a network anchor.
00:35:08Well, believe it or not,
00:35:11we share the same dream.
00:35:14I too want to be an network anchor.
00:35:18God, you are so beautiful.
00:35:24We really should be going.
00:35:27I swore that I would never get involved with a coworker.
00:35:35What if, just for tonight, we weren't coworkers?
00:35:39We were co-people?
00:35:42- I don't-- - Shh.
00:35:46You be a woman.
00:35:48I'll be a man.
00:35:50That's all.
00:35:55You continue to surprise me, Mr. Burgundy.
00:36:18Oh, I'm storming your castle on my steed, milady.
00:36:26Oh, mi corazón es en fuego!
00:36:29Julio, fuego, fuego, fuego!
00:36:31Wait, stop. Stop talking like that.
00:36:34- I can't understand you. - Sorry.
00:36:41Take me to Pleasure Town!
00:36:43- Oh, we're going there! - Oh!
00:36:49# Love is like candy on a shelf #
00:36:54# You want to taste and help yourself... #
00:36:58I friggin' love you!
00:37:00I friggin' love you back!
00:37:02# Help yourself, take a few #
00:37:05# That's what I want you to do... #
00:37:08Look! The most glorious rainbow ever!
00:37:11Oh, do me on it!
00:37:12# Just say the word and they are yours... #
00:37:19# In my heart your smile has opened up the door #
00:37:24# The greatest wealth that exists in the world. #
00:37:30Well done, sir.
00:37:37Tip of the cap to you as well, Miss Corningstone.
00:37:46I'm having very strong feelings for you, Mr. Burgundy.
00:37:51But it's very important to me that I be viewed as a professional.
00:37:54- Right. - Hmm.
00:37:56When in Rome.
00:38:00That, uh, expression
00:38:02doesn't really apply to what I'm talking about.
00:38:05- Oh, I'm-- - What I was saying.
00:38:07I still don't quite understand what it means.
00:38:10Oh, no. You'll find it.
00:38:14No, I was saying that,
00:38:16if we continue seeing each other,
00:38:19that we should keep it relatively quiet around the station.
00:38:24my wild love tigress.
00:38:30Tasteful discretion is the name of the game.
00:38:37Veronica Corningstone and I had sex,
00:38:40and now we are in love!
00:38:44Did I say that loud?
00:38:46Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.
00:38:48Well, I can't help it.
00:38:51It's fantastic!
00:38:52- What's it like, Ron? - The intimate times?
00:38:55Outta sight, my man!
00:38:59No. The other thing.
00:39:04Yeah. What is that?
00:39:07Well, it's tough to explain.
00:39:11- I think I was in love once. - Really, what was her name?
00:39:15I don't remember.
00:39:16That's not a good start, but keep going.
00:39:19She was Brazilian.
00:39:21Or Chinese, or something weird.
00:39:24I met her in the bathroom of a K-mart,
00:39:27and we made out for hours.
00:39:29Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
00:39:32I'm pretty sure that's not love.
00:39:35Damn it!
00:39:36I love...
00:39:43I love desk.
00:39:46Are you just looking at things in the office and saying you love them?
00:39:50I love lamp.
00:39:52Do you really love the lamp, or are you saying it because you saw it?
00:39:56I love lamp! I love lamp.
00:39:59You really want to know what love is?
00:40:02- Yeah. - Yes, tell us.
00:40:04More than anything in the world.
00:40:07Well, it's really quite simple.
00:40:11It's kind of like...
00:40:15# Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight #
00:40:18# Gonna grab some afternoon delight #
00:40:22# My motto's always been "When it's right, it's right" #
00:40:25# Why wait until the middle of a cold, dark night #
00:40:28# When everything's a little clearer in the light of day #
00:40:34# And we know the night #
00:40:37# Is always gonna be there anyway? #
00:40:41# Thinkin' of you's working up my appetite #
00:40:44# Lookin' forward to a little afternoon delight #
00:40:47# Rubbin' sticks and stones together make the sparks ignite #
00:40:50# And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting #
00:40:53# Sky rockets in flight #
00:40:55- # Boo! # - # Afternoon delight... #
00:40:58- Whoop! - You guys have it, I think.
00:41:01# Afternoon delight. #
00:41:04I don't know, Ron. That sounds kinda crazy.
00:41:08Sounds like you have mental problems, man.
00:41:10- Yeah, you got mental problems, man. - Yeah, he really does.
00:41:14# Afternoon delight. #
00:41:17- Wanna make a phone call. - Freshen this up.
00:41:28Oh, look out. Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus.
00:41:32He's ready to do battle in the arena
00:41:34against the tiniest lion you've ever imagined.
00:41:38I'm getting some great stuff, Miss Corningstone.
00:41:41Shut up.
00:41:43Oh, I hate cats.
00:41:45Let's just do my sign-off and get outta here.
00:41:49It was quite a show down here at the Pet Shack.
00:41:52Just for today, fashion curiosity did not kill the cat.
00:41:56I'm Veronica Corningstone for Channel 4 News.
00:41:59That was our newest reporter, Veronica Corningstone.
00:42:03She's really great.
00:42:05I'd also like to share with you that we are currently dating
00:42:08and that she is quite a handful in the bedroom.
00:42:12That's gonna do it for all of us here at 6:00.
00:42:15For the Channel 4 News Team, I'm Ron Burgundy.
00:42:18You stay classy, San Diego.
00:42:21All clear.
00:42:25I might be in trouble on that one.
00:42:28I can't believe that you said that we were dating on the air.
00:42:32Mmm! Mmm. That is good fondue.
00:42:35Don't you get it, Ron? I wanna be an anchor.
00:42:39That is never gonna happen if everyone in San Diego
00:42:41thinks that I'm your bimbo gal pal.
00:42:43I don't know what to say.
00:42:45I just-- I got excited.
00:42:48I just wanted to shout it from on top of a mountain.
00:42:52But I didn't have a mountain. I had a newsroom and a camera.
00:42:57I report the news. That's what I do.
00:42:59And today's top story, in Ron Burgundy's world,
00:43:03read something like this:
00:43:06I love Veronica Corningstone.
00:43:12Oh, Ron.
00:43:19This is nice, gang, sittin' here.
00:43:21- Oh, yeah. - Brown baggin' it.
00:43:23The team pancake breakfast is tomorrow morning at 9:00 instead of 8:00.
00:43:27Oh! Almost forgot.
00:43:29I won't be able to make it, fellas.
00:43:31Veronica and I are trying this new fad called,
00:43:33uh, jogging.
00:43:35I believe it's jogging or yogging. It might be a soft "J."
00:43:39I'm not sure, but apparently you just run
00:43:42for an extended period of time.
00:43:44- It's supposed to be wild. - So Ron's not coming?
00:43:46No, Ron's coming.
00:43:48It's the pancake breakfast. We do it every month.
00:43:51I realize that.
00:43:53Sometimes you gotta look yourself in the mirror and say, "When in Rome."
00:43:57The bottom line is,
00:43:59you've been spending a lot of time with this lady.
00:44:02You're a member of the Channel 4 News Team.
00:44:06- That's a given. - We need you.
00:44:10Hell, I need you.
00:44:13I'm a mess without ya.
00:44:15I miss you so damn much.
00:44:18I miss being with you.
00:44:21I miss being near you. I miss your laugh.
00:44:30I miss-- I miss your scent.
00:44:32I miss your musk.
00:44:37When this all gets sorted out,
00:44:40I think you and me should get an apartment together.
00:44:45Just take it easy, Champ.
00:44:47Why don't you stop talking for a while?
00:44:50Maybe sit the next couple of plays out.
00:44:52You know what I mean?
00:44:53Yeah, I'm gonna quit sayin' things
00:44:55when they crop up in the ol' skull, huh?
00:44:58See what it's like when you're not here?
00:45:01You're our leader. Look what you're doing to the group.
00:45:04Champ's been a mess. Brick can't sleep at night.
00:45:06Here's the thing,
00:45:08I don't trust this chick.
00:45:10We need you around, and she is just using you.
00:45:13Everyone, just relax. All right?
00:45:15Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.
00:45:20I don't know, Ron.
00:45:22Guess what. I do.
00:45:24I know that one day, Veronica and I are gonna get married
00:45:28on top of a mountain.
00:45:30And there's going to be flutes playing
00:45:32and trombones and flowers
00:45:35and garlands of fresh herbs.
00:45:39And we will dance till the sun rises.
00:45:42And then our children will form a family band.
00:45:45And we will tour the countryside,
00:45:47and you won't be invited!
00:45:52I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head.
00:45:59Good. Good one!
00:46:03Oh, okay. I understand.
00:46:04You have a nice day, sir. Bye.
00:46:07Um, I could come back later, Mr. Harken.
00:46:10No, no, no.
00:46:12It's just parent stuff.
00:46:13It seems that our youngest, Chris, was
00:46:16on something called acid
00:46:18and was firing a bow and arrow into a crowd.
00:46:21- Mm. - You know how kids are.
00:46:23Oh. Right.
00:46:25Anyhoo, what can I do you for?
00:46:27Well, Mr. Harken,
00:46:29I feel like I have proven myself as a journalist
00:46:32and that I deserve the opportunity
00:46:34to take on more challenging stories.
00:46:36Well, ask and you shall receive.
00:46:38Ah, yes, this just came across my desk.
00:46:41Here is a story of a 103-year-old woman
00:46:44who claims to have a recipe for the world's greatest meat loaf.
00:46:48Ooh, now that's a hot lead.
00:46:50It was very hard for Veronica.
00:46:53But she was a pro and hung tough.
00:46:56But soon, with a simple act of littering,
00:46:59everyone's life would change forever.
00:47:02# La la la la la. #
00:47:07# Oh, Baxter, you are my little gentleman #
00:47:11# I'll take you to foggy London Town #
00:47:13# Because you are what? #
00:47:14# My little gentleman. #
00:47:17This burrito is delicious, but it is filling.
00:47:24Antony and Cleopatra!
00:47:32Goddamn son of--
00:47:36What the hell, bro'?
00:47:38Hello, neighbor.
00:47:40Did you just throw a burrito out your window?
00:47:42I believe I did.
00:47:43Are you high or something? Did you see what happened?
00:47:46I did. That was a terrific spill. That's quite a raspberry.
00:47:49That's my chopper you just thrashed, Broseph.
00:47:52Easy, compadre. I'm your friend out here, all right?
00:47:55I want you to fix my chopper before I stomp your goofy ass!
00:47:59If you want to throw down, fine.
00:48:01I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for you.
00:48:04You destroyed the only thing I love.
00:48:07All right? There it is. What do you love?
00:48:10I love poetry.
00:48:12And a glass of Scotch.
00:48:14And, of course, my friend Baxter here.
00:48:17Well, guess what. Now this is happenin'.
00:48:20Excuse me. Excuse me. What are you doing?
00:48:26That's how I roll.
00:48:38- Where the hell is he? - He'll be here.
00:48:42- I thought he was Mr. Dependable. - It's not like Ron.
00:48:45I'd put Brick on, but unless he's tracking a storm front, he's useless.
00:48:48- Excuse me, gentlemen. - Oh. Hello.
00:48:50Just want you to know if Ron does not show up, I am ready to go on.
00:48:53You and I have had this discussion a million times.
00:48:56There's never been a woman anchor.
00:48:58Mr. Harken,
00:48:59- this city needs its news. - Oh.
00:49:02You're gonna deprive them of that because I have breasts?
00:49:05Exquisite breasts?
00:49:07I am gonna go on, and if you want to stop me, bring it on.
00:49:11Because I am good at three things:
00:49:13fighting, screwing and reading the news.
00:49:16I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be?
00:49:28I will be in makeup.
00:49:33Jesus, she's terrifying!
00:49:39Ron, are you okay?
00:49:41The man punted Baxter!
00:49:43Calm down.
00:49:45Breathe, Ron, breathe.
00:49:47The man that loved the motorcycle!
00:49:49What did the bad man do?
00:49:51The motorcycle on the bridge! I hit him with a burrito!
00:49:55- Ron! - He took him!
00:49:56He took him with his foot and he kicked him!
00:50:00That's what he did!
00:50:01Someone punted him?
00:50:03No, wait. Wait. Let me say something.
00:50:05Let me say something.
00:50:17I-- I don't-- I didn't understand one word you said.
00:50:20Ron, are you okay? Ron?
00:50:29Ron. Where are you?
00:50:31I'm in a glass case of emotion!
00:50:34He's gonna put Corningstone on.
00:50:37He's gonna put Corningstone on!
00:50:41I've got to do the news!
00:50:57You're not Ron.
00:51:01We're on in 10. Good luck, lady.
00:51:03Ready the announce.
00:51:09- Power. - Roll in.
00:51:11Power. Power.
00:51:18One slip,
00:51:20and you're gone. Whammy.
00:51:23And your reporter in the field,
00:51:25Brian Fantana.
00:51:26It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.
00:51:31Good evening. Ron Burgundy is off tonight.
00:51:35I'm Veronica Corningstone.
00:51:37Tonight's top story:
00:51:39- Okay, we're off and running. - Three armed men
00:51:42wearing ski masks made off with over $20,000 from an area bank
00:51:45in a daring early morning robbery.
00:51:54And the winner of the frog-leaping contest was Hoppy,
00:51:57with a jump of seven feet, 10 inches.
00:52:02I used to date a guy named Hoppy down in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.
00:52:08That will do it for us at 6:00.
00:52:10From all of us here at Channel 4 News,
00:52:13I'm Veronica Corningstone,
00:52:15and thanks for stopping by, San Diego.
00:52:18All clear!
00:52:20Yes! Yes!
00:52:24Lady! Lady!
00:52:26Not bad, Miss Corningstone. Not bad at all.
00:52:29Thank you, Mr. Harken. That felt good.
00:52:31- That felt really good. - I liked your sign-off line, too.
00:52:34You did? It just came through me. It was so organic.
00:52:37Thank you.
00:52:40Oh, Ron! Ron! Ron, darling!
00:52:42I'm so glad you're all right. Oh, God.
00:52:45I have something magnificent to tell you.
00:52:47I'm here. We can do the news now.
00:52:50It's all right, everyone! We can do the news.
00:52:52Hold on. Why are we all standing around? Let's go!
00:52:55Ron, we did it. Veronica filled in for you.
00:53:00Sweetheart, we were so worried about you,
00:53:02and we waited as long as we could, but--
00:53:05Darling, I did the news, and I nailed it. I nailed it.
00:53:09Wait, wait! Veronica, please, tell me this is some kind
00:53:13of sick, tasteless joke.
00:53:16You weren't here. Why are you being this way?
00:53:18Why can't you be proud of me
00:53:20as a peer and as my gentleman lover?
00:53:23Oh, Jeez.
00:53:25I can't believe you did this to me!
00:53:27You read my news!
00:53:29I told you that I wanted to be an anchor.
00:53:33I told you that.
00:53:34I thought you were kidding!
00:53:37I thought it was a joke!
00:53:39I even wrote it down in my diary!
00:53:41"Veronica had a very funny joke today."
00:53:44I laughed at it later that night!
00:53:46I can't believe that I cared for you.
00:53:49Get out! Just go!
00:53:51We are through! Through!
00:53:53Because of your actions, you scorpion woman!
00:53:56You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy.
00:53:59You have broken my heart.
00:54:06From there on out,
00:54:08things just got worse for Ron Burgundy.
00:54:10Corningstone was a star,
00:54:12and everything started to move awfully fast
00:54:15- after her big break. - Where's lan? Ian!
00:54:18All right, I got a call from network.
00:54:20It looks like our broadcast last night
00:54:23received a two-point ratings boost,
00:54:26and the decision has been passed down
00:54:28to make Veronica our co-anchor.
00:54:31- What? - No. No!
00:54:35- No! - No!
00:54:37- No! - This is wonderful.
00:54:38Ed, come here, you big silly man. You big silly man.
00:54:42- We did it. - What is this, amateur hour?
00:54:48- That's great. - Thank you.
00:54:51- # Sunshine, go away today... # - Damn it!
00:54:53# I don't feel much like dancing #
00:54:57# Some man's gone, he's trying to run my life #
00:55:01# Don't know what he's asking #
00:55:07# When he tells me I better get in line #
00:55:10# I can't hear what he's sayin' #
00:55:14# When I grow up I'm gonna make it mine #
00:55:18# These ain't dues... #
00:55:19What Brian didn't tell you
00:55:21was that those were not real pirates.
00:55:24- They looked convincing, though. - Oh, yes.
00:55:27Well, for all of us here at Channel 4 News,
00:55:29I'm Ron Burgundy.
00:55:31You stay classy, San Diego.
00:55:33And thanks for stopping by.
00:55:35But mainly stay classy.
00:55:37- Thanks for stopping by. - Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy.
00:55:39- Thanks for stopping by. - Stay classy.
00:55:41Ron Burgundy.
00:55:46You are a real hooker, and I'm gonna slap you in public.
00:55:55You have man boobs.
00:55:58You've got a dirty, whorish mouth.
00:56:05I'm gonna punch you in the ovary.
00:56:08- A straight shot. - Ooh, ow.
00:56:10Right to the baby-maker.
00:56:12Ah, jazz flute is for little fairy boys.
00:56:15Okay, you know what? That's uncalled for.
00:56:17I can't work with this woman. It's terrible.
00:56:21It's ringing.
00:56:25Veronica Corningstone.
00:56:27Hello, Veronica, this is Mike Rithjin
00:56:30from the network. You've just been promoted.
00:56:32You're gonna need to move to Moscow.
00:56:35Start cleaning up your desk.
00:56:36See you in the morning. We'll pick you up in a van.
00:56:39What did you say your name was?
00:56:40Mike Ritnitjun. It's not important.
00:56:43Start cleaning your desk,
00:56:44and we'll pick you up in the morning.
00:56:47Tell her she might want to get a coat.
00:56:49Hold on. Veronica? What was it?
00:56:52Tell her to get a coat.
00:56:53Also, I don't know if you know Moscow. It's pretty cold.
00:56:56You might want to buy a coat.
00:56:58Are you and Champ having a good time, Ron?
00:57:00Are we what?
00:57:01I can see you, Ron.
00:57:05I can see you.
00:57:08Okay. Bye-bye.
00:57:10- What happened? - She knew it was me.
00:57:16You're watching Channel 4 News
00:57:19with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor
00:57:21Ron Burgundy and Tits McGee.
00:57:25Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone.
00:57:28Tits McGee is on vacation.
00:57:33And I'm Tits-- I'm Ron Burgundy.
00:57:39- Veronica Corningstone. - This is your doctor.
00:57:41I have your pregnancy report here, and guess what.
00:57:44You got knocked up. You should probably get out of news.
00:57:48- Who is this? - This is Dr. Chim.
00:57:50- Dr. Chim Richalds. - Ron, is this you?
00:57:54I'm a professional doctor.
00:57:56You saw me. You don't remember.
00:57:59We-- you should move.
00:58:02- Get out of the business. - This is pathetic.
00:58:04You're pathetic.
00:58:06What'd she say?
00:58:08She-- I don't-- I think she bought it.
00:58:10She's looking this way.
00:58:13- Oh, uh-oh. Whoa! - Here she comes.
00:58:20I'll tell you what, it's just not working.
00:58:23She's making us look like a bunch of fools.
00:58:25Ellen, where's the party?
00:58:29Children, grow up.
00:58:33Son of a bee sting.
00:58:35She's turning the entire office against us.
00:58:37- This is grim. Real grim. - What are we gonna do?
00:58:40There's only one thing a man can do
00:58:42when he's suffering from a spiritual and existential funk.
00:58:46Go to the zoo, flip off the monkeys?
00:58:48No. Buy new suits.
00:58:53# That girl #
00:58:57# I'm gonna make her mine if it takes all night #
00:59:00# Can you dig it? Can you dig it? #
00:59:01# Can you dig it? Can you dig it? #
00:59:03Where's the suit store? We've been walking for 45 minutes.
00:59:03Where's the suit store? We've been walking for 45 minutes.
00:59:06Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut.
00:59:10- Is it a shortcut or not? - Okay.
00:59:20Uh-oh. Here comes trouble.
00:59:26Burgundy and the ladies went out for a stroll, huh?
00:59:30You boys walkin' around and talkin' things through?
00:59:33Keep a tight perimeter.
00:59:37Yes, sirree.
00:59:40Well, well, well.
00:59:43Ron Burgundy
00:59:45and the Channel 4 News Team.
00:59:47Where's your mommy?
00:59:49You back off, Evening News Team.
00:59:56You know, I understand that, uh,
00:59:59they had to bring a female in.
01:00:02Change your diapers.
01:00:04Wipe the dribble away from your bubblin' lips.
01:00:08Rub Vaseline all over your heinie
01:00:10and tell you that it's special and different from everyone else's.
01:00:15He said "heinie"!
01:00:17Brick, get back over here!
01:00:21Does she tuck you in, Ronnie?
01:00:24Give you a little kiss on your forehead?
01:00:26Tell you everything's gonna be okay?
01:00:28I've had enough of you, Mantooth.
01:00:30This is gonna end right here, right now.
01:00:33Let's dance, dickweed.
01:00:35You wanna dance, Ronnie?
01:00:41I wanna polka.
01:00:51Come get a taste.
01:00:57Brick, where'd you get a hand grenade?
01:00:59I don't know.
01:01:02All right. Let's do this!
01:01:11If you're gonna have a fight,
01:01:13then don't forget Channel 2 News with me,
01:01:16Iead anchor Frank Vitchard.
01:01:18You dirtbags have been in third place for five years.
01:01:21Yeah? Well, you're about to be in dead place.
01:01:31Not so fast, you ingrates!
01:01:35Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive
01:01:38to kick some ass.
01:01:40No commercials! No mercy!
01:01:55Cómo están, pinches!
01:01:57Spanish Language News is here.
01:01:59Tonight's top story:
01:02:01The sewers run red with Burgundy's blood.
01:02:04Hyah! Hyah!
01:02:13Well looks like we got ourselves a bilingual bloodfest.
01:02:23Now, before we do this, let's go over the ground rules.
01:02:29Rule number one:
01:02:31No touching of the hair or face.
01:02:35Of course.
01:02:36And that's it!
01:02:38Now let's do this!
01:03:29I'm gonna straight-up murder your ass!
01:03:31- Blade! - Here you go, mate!
01:03:33Ahh! God!
01:03:36Oh! I did not see that coming!
01:03:42Oh! Aaah!
01:03:44- Now I'll be number one. - No, you won't!
01:04:06Boy, that escalated quickly.
01:04:09I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
01:04:12- It jumped up a notch. - It did, didn't it?
01:04:14Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.
01:04:17I saw that. Brick killed a guy.
01:04:20- Did you throw a trident? - Yeah.
01:04:22There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.
01:04:26I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
01:04:28Find yourself a safe house or a relative close by.
01:04:31Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.
01:04:35I'm proud of you fellas.
01:04:37You kept your head on a swivel.
01:04:39That's what you gotta do when you're in a vicious cockfight.
01:04:42Can you believe Mantooth and the Channel 9 Evening News Team?
01:04:44"Where's your mommy? Someone's gotta change your diapers."
01:04:47This Corningstone business is really hurting our rep.
01:04:50I know exactly what you mean, Brian.
01:04:52Every newsman in this city's laughing at us.
01:04:54- And I don't like it. - I don't like the put-downs.
01:04:58We're gonna do something about it.
01:05:00It is time to put an end to this!
01:05:02Last time I looked, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?
01:05:06- Brian Fantana. - Champ Kind.
01:05:07- Brian Fantana. - No, you're Brick.
01:05:09- Brian. - I'm Brian.
01:05:12And I've shown you, old man!
01:05:15Garth, I need to look at these tapes for a potential lead.
01:05:18Ron's using the machine
01:05:20to play his local Emmy acceptance speech from last year.
01:05:23I tried to ask her out on a date.
01:05:25Turn the music off! I'm still talking!
01:05:29- This is ridiculous! - I don't remember doing it.
01:05:31- Excuse me. - What are you doing?
01:05:33I need this machine so I can watch a tape for a story.
01:05:37I'm using the tape.
01:05:39I'm showing Jeffrey my Emmy tape.
01:05:41We are watching history.
01:05:43Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional,
01:05:45and I would like to be able to do my job.
01:05:49Big deal! I am very professional!
01:05:51Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.
01:05:54I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman!
01:05:57You are not a man. You are a big fat joke!
01:06:00I'm a man who discovered the wheel
01:06:02and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn.
01:06:06That's what kind of man I am.
01:06:07You're just a woman with a small brain.
01:06:10With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.
01:06:14I will have you know that I have more talent
01:06:17and more intelligence in my little finger
01:06:19than you do in your entire body, sir!
01:06:22You are a smelly pirate hooker!
01:06:24You look like a blueberry.
01:06:27Why don't you go back to your home on Whore lsland?
01:06:30Well, you have bad hair.
01:06:35What did you say?
01:06:37I said
01:06:39your hair
01:06:41Iooks stupid.
01:06:51- Let 'em work it out! - It's between the two of them!
01:07:06They're just talking. Just talking.
01:07:09- I hate you! - I hate you more!
01:07:25Shut up! Shut up!
01:07:31All right, stop!
01:07:33Stop what you're doing right now!
01:07:35I will not have my newsroom be divided.
01:07:39Ah! Knights of Columbus, that hurts!
01:07:44I was like, "Who is that guy?"
01:07:50I just can't believe what Ron did to you.
01:07:53It is so awful.
01:07:57Have you ever thought about fighting fire
01:08:00with fire?
01:08:04What do you mean?
01:08:06I have some information that you can choose to use or not use.
01:08:10Up to you.
01:08:12Ron Burgundy
01:08:14will read anything that is put on that Teleprompter.
01:08:17And when I say anything,
01:08:19I mean an-y-thing.
01:08:30Arnold, cue one.
01:08:32After the FotoMat was destroyed,
01:08:34the bear scampered back into the woods.
01:08:37Apparently he wasn't too happy with his color prints.
01:08:43From the entire Channel 4 News Team,
01:08:45I'm Veronica Corningstone.
01:08:46And I'm Ron Burgundy.
01:08:48Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
01:08:56What in the name--
01:09:01Nobody talks about my city that way!
01:09:03Ron Burgundy's ass is grass!
01:09:08Nice work, everyone. Sharp broadcast.
01:09:11Really good. Everyone on the floor as well.
01:09:13Really a lot of hustle. I liked it.
01:09:16Dump out! Dump out!
01:09:19Hello, Edward.
01:09:21- Ron, I've got to fire you. - I've got to fire you.
01:09:24Bing, bong, bong. You're fired, Ed.
01:09:26Do you even know what you just said?
01:09:29Great Odin's raven!
01:09:32Are you happy, Ron?
01:09:34Veronica. She put that in the Teleprompter.
01:09:37You're probably right, but this is bad, Ron. Real bad.
01:09:41My hands are tied. I--
01:09:44I gotta fire you.
01:09:45Ed, let's hold on. Let's count to 10.
01:09:48That's a rash decision. Is this about something else?
01:09:52Ed, there's 300 very angry San Diego-ites.
01:09:56San Diego-ins. San Diego-uns.
01:09:59- San Dieg-ons. - San Diegans.
01:10:01San Diegans out in front of the station.
01:10:03They want Ron's blood.
01:10:05They want to hurt you.
01:10:06Why did you say that? Why?
01:10:10Why, Ron? Why?
01:10:12You're my hero, Ron.
01:10:15Garth, l--
01:10:16And you come out with stink like that poop!
01:10:20You poop mouth! Get all the poop out of your mouth!
01:10:25If I were to give you money out of my wallet, would that ease the pain?
01:10:29I hate you, Ron Burgundy! I hate you!
01:10:38Ron? Ron!
01:10:40I can't believe you did this to me! Are you happy?
01:10:43No, Ron, I'm not!
01:10:45I have nothing left! Nothing!
01:10:47I've been reduced to rubble!
01:10:51Let's go. These people are about to pull you apart.
01:10:55No! No!
01:11:11Mr. Burgundy, you should be ashamed of yourself.
01:11:14- Please, l-- - You're an awful man!
01:11:16You are truly a disappointment to us all, Mr. Burgundy!
01:11:22Bob Dylan once wrote,
01:11:24"The times, they are a-changin'."
01:11:26Ron Burgundy had never heard that song.
01:11:29So when he fell, he fell hard.
01:11:36It's Channel 4 News at 6:00!
01:11:40Good evening, San Diego.
01:11:42I'm lead anchor Veronica Corningstone.
01:11:45Tonight's top story: an ultrasound of Ling Wong,
01:11:49the most famous panda in the world,
01:11:51shows that her baby is doing quite well.
01:12:02Ron Burgundy, stay classy.
01:12:04Hello, this is Ron.
01:12:08Who's there? I'm talking. Hello.
01:12:11Who is this?
01:12:12Baxter, is that you?
01:12:16Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee.
01:12:19Is this Wilt Chamberlain?
01:12:21Have the courage to say something. Hello!
01:12:34Hey, you watch yourself, mister.
01:12:37Hey, lady in the red hat. Yeah.
01:12:40You smell.
01:12:44Guys. Guys, it's me, Ron.
01:12:49Harken said he'd fire us if we talked to you.
01:12:52- What? - I'm sorry.
01:12:55I-- Brian!
01:12:58- It's Ronnie! - Ron!
01:13:00- Champ! - Ron!
01:13:02Champ, come on. Come on!
01:13:04Go, Brick.
01:13:05My sweet Brick.
01:13:08Brick, come hug me. I know you want to.
01:13:12I am completely miserable, San Diego!
01:13:19It's so damn hot!
01:13:24Milk was a bad choice!
01:13:33Yes, yes. Chris, listen to me.
01:13:35Put down the gun and let the marching band go.
01:13:38We'll play it off as a prank.
01:13:41We'll straighten it out later. I'm getting another call.
01:13:44Ed Harken.
01:13:46What? Oh, my God!
01:13:48Listen, everybody, Ling Wong the panda is giving birth!
01:13:53Get Corningstone over there right away!
01:13:56The network is picking up the feed.
01:13:58I want a shot of that panda being born!
01:14:07This is Ted Nightingale, Channel 6 News Los Angeles,
01:14:10reporting from the San Diego Zoo.
01:14:12And this is the moment
01:14:13the entire world has been waiting for.
01:14:16I can only speculate as to the sex of the panda,
01:14:19but if I had to guess, I'd say female.
01:14:22- Excuse me. Press. - Hey, lady, watch it.
01:14:25Excuse me, I'm press. Thank you. What do you got?
01:14:27Nothing. All I can see is a blue curtain.
01:14:29Oh, damn it.
01:14:31Go over there and see if you can get a shot. I'll go this way.
01:14:36Hey, lady, why don't you go fetch me a sandwich?
01:14:39Okay, I'll go get your sandwich.
01:14:42Then I'll show you the ratings where you're number two to a woman.
01:14:45Ouch. Don't lose any more hair over it.
01:14:49- Whatever. - We're live, Mr. Mantooth.
01:14:53Good afternoon, San Diego.
01:14:55We're here today to celebrate the birth of a panda.
01:14:58# Sky rockets in flight #
01:15:02# Afternoon delight #
01:15:06# Af-- #
01:15:08# I make fart noises with my mouth #
01:15:13- # And I like to cut-- # - Hey, nut job!
01:15:15Quit the singin'!
01:15:17Creeping out all the regulars.
01:15:19I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song!
01:15:23Look, drunkie, you been coming in here every day,
01:15:26stinking up the joint with your craziness.
01:15:28Now, what the hell is wrong with you?
01:15:30I got no heart!
01:15:32Because a she-devil stole it!
01:15:35You know what the worst part about it is?
01:15:39She's better than me!
01:15:43She's better than me.
01:15:46You know, times are changing.
01:15:50Ladies can do stuff now.
01:15:52You're gonna have to learn how to deal with that.
01:15:55What? Were you saying something?
01:15:57Look, I don't speak Spanish.
01:16:12Scotty, I have the shot.
01:16:15Scotty. Scotty!
01:16:17Hey, uh,
01:16:19that is some fantastic shot you got there.
01:16:22The kind of shot that gets you to the top of network news.
01:16:25- Oh, well, we hope. - We at public television,
01:16:29we're really down with the woman's lib thing.
01:16:33That is so refreshing to me.
01:16:36Because the struggle I've--
01:16:41Howie, we have the shot.
01:16:45Up a little. Up, up.
01:16:47Oh. You son of a bitch!
01:16:51Don't want to wake up your friends.
01:17:05- Simply vanished. - How do you lose your lead anchor?
01:17:08- I can't find Corningstone. - Where the hell is she?
01:17:10- No one's seen her. - I can't believe this.
01:17:12Every news outlet in the world is looking for coverage on this.
01:17:16I've got no damn lead anchor!
01:17:19Damn it! Get me a phone.
01:17:22I can't believe I'm about to do this.
01:17:27Rocky's, bar, grill, fine dining.
01:17:29- Is there an anchorman there? - Hold on.
01:17:32This is killing me. I'd rather slit my throat.
01:17:34- Hello? - Hello?
01:17:37- Is this Ron? - Who is this?
01:17:39- It's me. Ed. - Who?
01:17:41- Ed Harken. - I don't know a Ned.
01:17:44- Ed Harken! - Ed!
01:17:46- Ed, hello. - Listen, Ron.
01:17:48Corningstone disappeared in the midst of the biggest story of the year.
01:17:52We need you down here right away.
01:17:54Wait, Ed.
01:17:56Does this mean you're asking me to report the news again?
01:18:01- Yes. - Ed!
01:18:03That's wonderful! Thank you!
01:18:05Ed, hold on. I want to say a few words.
01:18:07- You have always been a good friend! - Right.
01:18:11- Always! - Right.
01:18:15Get down here as quickly as you can.
01:18:17Ed, I'll be down there.
01:18:20And I'm going to look good.
01:18:33Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy.
01:18:36Damn! That dude cleans up good!
01:18:39If I'm gonna do this, I'll need my news team at my side.
01:18:51News team!
01:19:02News team, assemble!
01:19:08Hey, Ron.
01:19:10What's up?
01:19:13Hi. Didn't see you there.
01:19:15We've been here literally the entire time you have.
01:19:19I'm a little embarrassed.
01:19:24I just got the call from Harken. He wants me back.
01:19:28But I can't do this without my news team.
01:19:30I don't know, Ron.
01:19:32That was half a lifetime ago. We're different people now.
01:19:35When you left, the hurt was so deep.
01:19:37I don't know if I can go through that again.
01:19:39Think about what you're asking.
01:19:46there was a time
01:19:49when you called me your lead anchor.
01:19:55Will you follow me again?
01:19:59I'm gettin' too old for this shit.
01:20:01To the news van!
01:20:03- To the news van! - Okay!
01:20:18Well, I'll be. Ron Burgundy.
01:20:20He's back!
01:20:22Gentlemen, let's try to get in a good position for the story.
01:20:25- How does the hair look? - Magnificent.
01:20:27You have hair like an angel.
01:20:29Oh, whoa, whoa. Network talent scout.
01:20:32- This is a hot one. - I'm actually nervous.
01:20:35Let's go get 'em.
01:20:38Wait! Did you just hear something?
01:20:42- Ron, help! - Veronica!
01:20:45- Are you okay? - Shh!
01:20:47How did you get down there?
01:20:49Just go get someone. Please.
01:20:51Hold on. Hold on!
01:20:56We've got to do something.
01:20:58Whoa, Ron, I don't want to sound cruel, but--
01:21:01There's a network talent scout over there.
01:21:03This is a tough decision.
01:21:05So much to think about.
01:21:08Basically the biggest story of my career,
01:21:10Iaunching me to a level I've never known before,
01:21:14or saving the woman
01:21:16I used to have familiar relations with.
01:21:19This is hard!
01:21:22I am in a pickle!
01:21:24Ron, I know it sounds harsh,
01:21:27but God does not want her to live.
01:21:29No. Hold on.
01:21:33It's clear now.
01:21:37We go into the bear pit.
01:21:40Ron, don't.
01:21:48I immediately regret this decision.
01:21:51What are you doing? Why didn't you get help?
01:21:54These bears are massive!
01:21:56They looked a lot smaller from up there.
01:21:59Fan out. Let's go find Harken.
01:22:02Stay calm.
01:22:07It's all right. I think it's all right, my sweet chinchilla.
01:22:10- Oh, Ron. - Yes, yes.
01:22:12In case we die here today,
01:22:14there's something that you should know.
01:22:17That dirty trick with the Teleprompter, it wasn't--
01:22:20Sweet Eli Whitney's nose! It wasn't you, was it?
01:22:24It was Wes Mantooth.
01:22:26- Oh, I should have known. - No, no.
01:22:29- No, I did it. - You bitch!
01:22:36You woke the bears. Why did you do that?
01:22:41There's somebody in the bear pit!
01:22:47It took my impending death
01:22:50for me to realize how much I need you.
01:22:53Oh, Ron.
01:22:59Those bears are gonna hurt them!
01:23:01News team, let's hunt.
01:23:05News team!
01:23:10Bear fight!
01:23:14Come on. Come on!
01:23:25Hit 'em in the uvula!
01:23:28Hey, Ron!
01:23:29I'm riding a furry tractor!
01:23:32The bears have descended on the news team
01:23:35and it's not going well.
01:23:36Clearly, after today, I will no longer--
01:23:39Come on! Oh, God!
01:23:42It's getting to be ri-goddamn-diculous!
01:23:46Oh, no.
01:23:48We woke up the mama.
01:23:53Oh, God!
01:23:56I don't wanna die.
01:24:47Look! They're following their mother!
01:24:49It's instinct.
01:24:51Oh, Baxter!
01:24:53Oh! Oh, Baxter, you're still alive!
01:24:57Oh, I'm so happy!
01:25:01I'm so happy! You are alive!
01:25:05I'm so happy!
01:25:14I will lick you!
01:25:15I will lick you in front of everyone to show my joy.
01:25:18Oh. Ohhh!
01:25:20Boy, he really likes that dog.
01:25:23Burgundy! Burgundy!
01:25:26Burgundy! Burgundy!
01:25:28Burgundy! Burgundy!
01:25:31Hi, Ron.
01:25:33It's always a long fall from the top, isn't it?
01:25:36Easy, Wes.
01:25:38I've been waiting to say this to you for a long time.
01:25:41- All right. - Deep down in my stomach,
01:25:44with every inch of me,
01:25:45I pure, straight
01:25:48hate you!
01:25:55But, God damn it, do I respect you!
01:26:11Thank you,
01:26:16Burgundy! Burgundy!
01:26:19Today we spell redemption
01:26:23Burgundy! Burgundy!
01:26:26Ron, you're my hero!
01:26:28Ron, I think you've got a story to report.
01:26:34Are you sure, Ed?
01:26:37Do it.
01:26:39It's the story you were born to tell.
01:26:46San Diego's waiting. Go get 'em.
01:26:49Make way!
01:26:50Ron Burgundy's about to report on pandas!
01:26:56Count me down. Three.
01:26:57You're live, Mr. Burgundy.
01:26:59This is Ron Burgundy,
01:27:01proudly reporting once again for Channel 4 News.
01:27:05Today's story is one of the more remarkable things
01:27:09ever to happen to San Diago
01:27:12or even the world.
01:27:14But in order to properly retell it,
01:27:17I'm going to need some help
01:27:20from my co-anchor,
01:27:23Miss Veronica Corningstone.
01:27:27- High-pressure system-- - No, no, no, no, Brick.
01:27:30- High-pressure system-- - Go stand over there.
01:27:36Oh, Ron.
01:27:37Ron, there are literally thousands of men
01:27:40that I should be with instead,
01:27:41but I am 72% sure that I love you.
01:27:52Yes, redemption was sweet for Ron Burgundy.
01:27:55Yes! Ron!
01:27:58- As for the news team: - Stop it! Ron!
01:28:02Champ Kind went on to become a commentator for the NFL,
01:28:05but was later fired after being accused
01:28:08of sexual harassment by Terry Bradshaw.
01:28:11Excuse me.
01:28:13Is that Sex Panther you're wearing?
01:28:18Brian Fantana went on to have great success
01:28:21as the host of the hit reality TV show
01:28:23"lntercourse lsland" on the Fox Network.
01:28:26Anyone seen Brick?
01:28:29- Brick? - Don't! That tickles!
01:28:31No, that tickles me! Come on!
01:28:34Brick Tamland is married with 1 1 children
01:28:37and is one of the top political advisors
01:28:40to the Bush White House.
01:28:41I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you!
01:28:54And Ron and Veronica didn't stay in San Diego long.
01:29:02I chose them as my replacement,
01:29:04and they became the first mixed-gender network news team,
01:29:07and they're still doing it today.
01:29:09From all of us here at the World News Center,
01:29:13I'm Veronica Corningstone.
01:29:14And I'm Ron Burgundy.
01:29:16You stay classy, planet Earth.
01:29:19Brought To You By MohammaD [SHoCk Movies]
01:29:22Brought To You By MohammaD [SHoCk Movies] # Carry on, my wayward son #
01:29:26# There'll be peace when you are done #
01:29:30# Lay your weary head to rest #
01:29:34# Don't you cry no more... #
01:29:37Oh! Great Odin's raven!
01:29:40Oh! By the hammer of Thor!
01:29:43Oh! Saint Damien's beard!
01:29:47Sweet grandmother's spatula!
01:29:50Oh! Hot pot of coffee!
01:29:53Uncle Jonathan's corncob pipe!
01:29:59I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking.
01:30:02In the back of the head.
01:30:04I'm sorry.
01:30:08You're not very bright. You know that, right?
01:30:10You're actually quite a dullard.
01:30:12Everyone here knows it.
01:30:14If I'm a dullard, you're the, uh, the dull--
01:30:18Oh! Can't think of anything to say, can you?
01:30:21Yes, I can. I can think of a lot of things to say.
01:30:24Like, you're a dirty bitch.
01:30:29Well, Ron, I'm gonna put poison--
01:30:32Oh, my God!
01:30:38I drank a lava lamp. It wasn't lava.
01:30:42I ate a whole bunch of fiberglass insulation.
01:30:44It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said.
01:30:48My stomach's itchy.
01:30:50I pooped a hammer.
01:30:51I pooped a tape recorder.
01:30:53I pooped a Cornish game hen.
01:31:03You do not take a tone with me,
01:31:05'cause I will give you a rap right on the Jack Johnson!
01:31:08- Okay. - Yes.
01:31:10Now this is happenin'.
01:31:12What are you doing?
01:31:13- Hah! - What are you doing?
01:31:16What are you--
01:31:23We'll go back to doing what I do best--
01:31:25I guess we'll go back to doing what I do best, show off.
01:31:28When do we get started?
01:31:30When do we get started?
01:31:32- That's my line. - When do we get started?
01:31:34You say, "Whenever you like."
01:31:36Whenever you like.
01:31:38Keep it rollin'. This is good stuff. area bank in a daring...
01:31:43Probably not the same one. Probably not the same guy.
01:31:54Brick, before I let you go,
01:31:56are you still having your celebrity golf tournament this summer?
01:31:59No, too many people died last year.
01:32:01So we're not gonna do--
01:32:03Sorry. Sorry.
01:32:06They named it San Diego.
01:32:09Which in German means, "a whale's vagina."
01:32:20This is the most ridiculous thing ever.
01:32:43# Carry on, my wayward son #
01:32:47# There'll be peace when you are done #
01:32:51# Lay your weary head to rest #
01:32:55# Don't you cry #
01:32:56# Don't you cry no more #
01:33:16Way to handle him. That was nice.
01:33:18It sure is good to be number one.
01:33:20It sure beats the hell out of number two.
01:33:24We are laughing!
01:33:27And we are very good friends.
01:33:29Good buddies sharing a special moment.
01:33:32Don't say anything, Ron. Just let it happen.
01:33:35We're laughing, enjoying our friendship.
01:33:38And someday we'll look back on this with much fondness.

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